The Well Update - The Well-Educated Mind

 

I have not delved this deep into a Well Update in YEARS! I think it is because I am tapering off on my spiritual direction appointments and have tapered off (and stopped until next Wednesday) on my walking. I only had about seven hours of direction both individual and group. (It was supposed to be nine, but I had one who didn't show up (twice) and a cancellation due to internet issues.) And I am devoting about an hour to concentrated stretching and strengthening with a bit of Pilates. I should be swimming, but I am not too worried about my cardio on the Camino. That is good (but I digress and appropriate for the "Well-Tuned Body" portion of this Well update! LOL!)

The Well-Educated Mind

I didn't even want to do this part of the update because I have not been working through the book pictured above. I am #9 out of 2,126 people on the List Challenge for this book. (#1 is probably not true because there is NO WAY a person would have read every single book on that list - unless the author is on the list challenge, but this "Guest" has done it on all the reading lists. Very suspicious, but I digress once again.) When George saw me eyeing this book while at the library, he said, "There she goes again." I love a challenge. If you are new to my blog, from 2002-2013, I read 287 classics. So I thought my "lists" were done until this book. I am reading books I have never even heard of, and most of the time, I have really liked them! (Some have been duds but not many.)

But alas, I have had other things going on. Since I picked up this list, I have had reading for certifications in Spiritual Direction, the Enneagram, NASM Personal Training with Women's Fitness, Weight Loss, Corrective Exercise Specializations (NASM-CPT, CES, WFS, WLS), and Mental Health Coaching. I read nine books for the Order of the Mustard Seed too. I am also reading four Renovare Book Club books every year. So, I sprinkle these in between, and I will be very old if I finish this list! LOL!

All that to say is that I LOVE to learn. I am thirsty for learning. I cannot help myself. I love to learn and then apply. Rinse. Repeat. 

Lately, I have been reading books about the Camino de Santiago (The Way is Made by Walking) and the inward soul journey (Soul Journey). 

I also read at least 52 books a year. I'm at 41. The last from the 1000 Books List I read was Instead of a Letter. The ones I read for spiritual enrichment are so much more edifying, but when I read from the 1000 Books List. I learn compassion for people. I won't stop this new challenge, even though sometimes they are a bit edgy for me! I won't obsess over it. My "BHAG" (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) was the 287 books nine years ago. This is just icing and more LEARNING! 

I am loving my reading journey with more spiritual books this year. (Renovare Book Club has some wonderful ones this year, and I have the possibility of nine people in our group!)

I am also taking another certification course in EMDR because I am fascinated by it. 

I am also learning so much as I prepare PowerPoints for each of the Enneagram types and then teach them to my directees! I go deeper, and I understand people and myself so much better. That is another kind of "education"!

I am also learning about IT bands! But that will be my next installment of The Well Update! 

TTFN.

The Well Update - The Well-Adjusted Heart

I have not done a freewrite for a while now, and so much has happened.

State of the Well Report (I used to do these all the time, but it has been years)

Heart 

Hmm. How is my heart? My blog heading says, "One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart." Hmm. How is it? Let me feel the feelings. In the last day, I had my heart moved by a directee who learned about her strong instinctual variant toward the social, and she was so enthusiastic to learn all about it and wanted to gather spiritual directors to have me do a training on it (like I do for the Bollers 2-3 times a year for their spiritual directors in training). I was just excited to have her grasp the material and be so enthusiastic about it. She is such a sweetheart, and that warms my heart.

My heart hurt because of the interaction with the person organizing our trip on the Camino. I think she is 1) new, 2) not totally fluent in English, and 3) not the best communicator. But the good news: I did not go into any sort of anger mode with her, and I calmly dealt with her for the last nine days. So, I am sad that she did not lay out all our options right away because it ended up costing more money in the long run, and that was a little disappointing. But I think God is telling me to let go of it and just move on. I think she feels bad about it, and I don't think she understands how poorly she communicated through the whole thing. Not sure I would recommend this company to handle our logistics again too.

I feel a bit afraid: 1) my knee will not be ready to go 71 miles for 5 days in 20 days. My PT thinks it will be great, and the swelling has gone down, and I am thankful this did not happen WHILE I was walking on the Camino. So I am glad that my training brought this out 4 weeks before instead of in the middle of walking. I had already peaked with my training and was going to taper anyway. So I am thankful and afraid at the same time. 

2) That I will be overwhelmed with the number of people going. I have already decided that I cannot focus on that many people so have to be selective. It is the fault of the Type Two to think I have to be involved with everyone, and that is not possible with that many people. So I am focusing, and I know that we will have Elizabeth to spend time with afterward when we go to Belfast. 

3) That airlines will charge us extra for baggage even though I reserved airlines that said we could bring a carry-on. So that is somewhat disconcerting for me. I know they contract out and things get lost in the translation (and refunds don't happen - as Delta Airlines has recently proven.)

So that last one I realize I am still ANGRY at Delta for the way we were handled in April. 

I feel joyful about going on the Camino though, and I have loved the inward journey journaling that I have done. It will be a good trip. I know it.

I feel peaceful when I think about the spiritual journey I am on.

I feel uncertain about whether I should say yes to a small group of leaders in my church. I think I am a perfect fit to lead it, but do I have the capacity even if I postpone it until January?

There is a lot of emotion there. I will say that overall, the things I am leading, both in individual spiritual direction and in the small groups I facilitate (Silent Prayer, OMS, Renovare, 2HC), are all bringing me much joy. But can I add another one to the mix? OMS will stop, and I will replace that with the Deepen III, but can I do the leaders from my group. 

I have prayed for all of this for years. Now the fires are set, and there is a glorious blaze developing that does not seem to be blowing out. The vision you gave me is coming true! So that excites me and scares me all in the same breath!

Here is the picture you gave me of that:

Well, that was 20 minutes. So I will do another freewrite tomorrow about my other things: 

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well" (The Little Prince by de Saint-Exupéry). One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart, well-watered soul, well-educated mind, and well-tuned body. "Love the Lord your God with all your HEART, and with all your SOUL, and with all your MIND, and with all your STRENGTH" (Mark 12:30-31).

The State of The Well

I have not done this in ages! Here goes.

Well-Watered Soul

I think this is probably the thing I have really grown the most in over the last two years. COVID opened up new possibilities for growth for me. 

While I found Renovare Institute too academic for me, and since I had been in Renovare since the 90s, it was all books I had read before (and loved). 

I do thank Renovare for opening up my world through their books and the book club. The Institute did lead me to the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius. I had been doing components (Ignatian contemplation and the Examen) for years, and I had even purchased this book by Ignatius in the 2000s, but it wasn't until the Institute assigned A Simple Life-Changing Prayer by Jim Manney that I really understood what the Exercises were all about, and I dove in with all my heart. I will never forget the morning of October 31, 2017, when I woke up to God saying, "READ THIS BOOK." So I did, and it was life-changing like the book said! It helped me understand the Examen and Imaginative Contemplation as part of the larger picture of Ignatian Spirituality. 

I had spent years with the Benedictines and the Trappists, and I have so much to thank them for: deeper Lectio Divina, Praying the Hours, and my first exposure to spiritual direction with Sister Joan (Benedictine) and Brother Mark (Trappist RIP), but I didn't understand Ignatian spirituality until I read Manney's book and The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything.  This was the challenge I wanted and needed. When I went through the Exercises that year in 4 months, years of struggle were released as "sin patterns" and "inordinate attachments" were named and acknowledged in the "bubble wrap of God's love" (my phrase) bringing me into closer abiding union with Him! 

I am grateful for Renovare, in general, because the book club led me to How to Pray by Pete Greig, and that, in turn, led me to join The Order of the Mustard Seed. I was looking for a community with the Spiritual Exercises people (most out of town and not easily able to connect with because they do most face-to-face and not through Zoom). God closed that door very clearly only to open wide the door of The Order of the Mustard Seed.

I am also grateful for Sustainable Faith as I looked for a Spiritual Direction training that emphasized Ignatian spirituality, and I loved it.

But reading The Sacred Enneagram for one of my book reports in Sustainable Faith opened my heart to adopt Centering Prayer (Silent Prayer in a more general sense) after having done it at the Trappist Monastery several times and finding myself going into Silent Prayer at the end of Ignatian (Imaginative) Contemplation or Lectio Divina. I think COVID caused all these formerly "in-person" groups to offer it online so that I could experience it with people who have been doing it for years and years. I am so grateful. (Two out of the four online groups are Benedictine.) 

So it has born fruit of the presence of God in my life during the hours I am not intentionally having a Silent Prayer time. That has been huge as I am learning that I "let go" so much more easily without all the emotions attached. What is, is. I let go. 

Well-Educated Mind

I really cannot believe that I am doing yet another BOOK LIST! Ack! I am reading through the 1000 Books to Read Before You Die. I think 90% of the books are really good and ones I never would have thought to pick up to read. I have grown so much in my understanding (which feeds my Enneagram Type 5 Harmony Triad connection 2-5-8). I will say there is one book that I really dislike. I have been trying to read it for over a month, and I am only 1/3rd of the way through. Life is too short. I am thinking of just counting it as attempted and return it to the library! (I returned it!)

Speaking of Enneagram, that is where I have become more well-educated, and that has been so helpful for my own personal growth. I am also teaching more and doing one-on-one sessions for it. I am seeking to develop more spiritual resources for my directees in this area. 

Well-Adjusted Heart

I have been noticing how I don't "angst" over things. I don't experience as much shame as I once did. I am not saying I apologize less because I still make mistakes, but I don't feel shame when I say "no" or set boundaries like I once did. I can remember a time when I could not say "no"! That would get me into the biggest trouble. I have been really good at saying "no" lately, but the shame I felt about disappointing people would make me stew for too long. Now I am not stewing. I am letting it go more easily (part from above - Silent Prayer practice of letting both pleasant and negative thoughts go), and I am also getting to the bottom of my shame which tells me the lie that if I say "no" and disappoint people, they will not like me or love me or want me to be part of their group. That is the selfish twisted mind of an Enneagram Type Two. So for my mental health, I get into how my body is feeling. I go for a walk. I acknowledge and release my fear of being unwanted and unloved, and I receive God's truth: I am wanted and loved by him (this gets to the "inordinate attachments" in the Spiritual Exercises too). I return after my walk and resolve to LIVE in that truth. It has been beautiful!

Where I see how much I have grown is for two things:

1) I met with someone who I poured my life into for 3 1/2 years. We have not met for over 10 years. I had other priorities, and I have grown so much in the last 10 years because we met again for tea a few weeks ago, and I realized, that person is not someone I want to invest in. I put up with so much of that person's semi-bullying verbal behavior when we met for 3 1/2 years, but I could see it so much more clearly. I didn't like the way she spoke to me. I did not like the way she treated me. Before, I just figured it was me, and I would twist myself like a pretzel so she would "like" me (again, a selfish desire that I need to acknowledge). In this latest conversation, I stayed just 45 minutes, and I said, "I have to go" quite naturally (not abruptly), and she had no idea. I just don't like the way we interact, and I don't want to pursue that relationship. That was huge for me. My hubby gave me high 5s all around because he does it so much more naturally than I do. I have had to learn to discern what is the best way to "number my days" with people, and I think back on the hours and hours we spent together ten years ago, and I would never do that now. 

2) The other situation is with an autocratic, patriarchal leader. I have poured hours into a project with no guidance other than the words "develop abiding resources." Nine months into it, he interfered with a major decision without even consulting or informing me or my team. I even read his instructions to me that I have followed to the letter, but he changed his instructions without a discussion after nine months of hard work. The discussion around this change involved no openness to hearing my team's point of view. An autocratic and impractical decision was made, and while I would have had no problem had that decision been made before we implemented it, but it was made in mid-stream, and it would take hours to undo what we had already done. I will implement the change mid-stream, but once my part is finished, I will move on to the implementation with individuals who respond to what we have done rather than continuing to develop content. God had already told me December 21, 2021, as an exit for the leadership of this team, and I am going to hold to that as my passions lead me elsewhere. I have loved doing this and the people I have been working with. I do not hold any ill feelings toward this leader. I just don't want to be on his task force anymore after I am done with my part of the task. 

It is OK to want other things. That is what I am learning. 

Well-Tuned Strength 

Part of my people-pleasing would also cause me to teach a Back class for one of the health clubs I work for that was hurting my back! I know it may work for most of the people who have taken this well-loved class, but I was in the most pain I have been in years! So I said, "NO"! I have not looked back, and they found someone else. 

So, I am just teaching one in-person class of Pilates at the Univ this term. I am excited to do that. I have been pretty good about maintaining my Pilates strength all summer, and I am so excited to get back to the Univ face to face with students. My class is full and even has a waiting list.

I am still walking the Route 66 challenge, and I am 63% of the way there with cardio great.

Weight is still something I need to grow in. I am still within my ideal weight range, but I like to be in the middle rather than the top. This is my biggest challenge.

Freewrite Fifteen

 I am on a roll as far as freewrites are concerned. It is so exciting to be able to type without pain. I remember even doing my attendance for class right after my fall was very painful. I missed writing. So I am making up for lost time.

Interesting that Liane had a prophecy about me writing a book when Liane was just visiting the community and didn't even know me. Another person from another town visited our community in the summer and said the same thing. That person also did not know. So there you go.

It is interesting that that person also said something about the enemy hassling me and so did Emiko during my massage last week. So I must ponder that one.

I think things are going really well with the team of people he has assembled. Testimonials of abiding are coming together. I think one time a month will be plenty. I would love to store them on a Podcast area of our website. I don't think there is one. It is just such a clunky system. I know that there are a lot of people who access, but it seems like someone needs to come in and really reorganize the whole thing. But that is obviously not my forte! I cannot even mind things in my own inbox sometimes.

I lead a prayer watch for the first time with the OMS on Wednesday. I am still praying about what that will be. 

Speaking of prayer, I woke up this morning really praying about racial justice. It was on my heart as I am watching an 8 part series of the life of Aretha Franklin. What is my part? I know I can pray. 

The days are getting warmer and longer, and I love it. I cannot wait until being able to take long bike rides. One of the reasons is so that I can put more miles on Route 66! My goodness. It is so long (over 2000 miles) and not nearly as exciting as doing a virtual challenge through Europe! I am almost in Oklahoma. It is taking me forever to make it across the US! George and I are watching the History of Britain. We are such nerds. We are at the 1300s where that awful king just decided he wanted to trample all over Scotland, but Scotland just one a good chunk of the country back. I am happy about that. LOL! (Since I am Scottish.) 

Yesterday, with the Jesuits in Britain, we had a lovely time with a George Herbert poem Love III. It really touched my heart again. I read it several years ago, and I even have a heart next to it in his poetry book that I read for The Well-Educated Mind journey through literature. 

I met with only the wife of a couple we are meeting with and my afternoon person stood me up for spiritual direction. That was so weird. I still don't understand it because she was so persistent about wanting to reschedule our appointment that she had to postpone from Tuesday. I did not hear from her either about why she did not come to the appointment. Oh well. 

Today is a free day. We decided not to have our annual PUMP prayer party. I just did not have the energy to put it together. Things have definitely cleared for me just in the last two days, but I think we made a good decision. I was thinking about having a private PUMP party with just George and me. It is always a highlight of my year, but it is the seventh year, and I felt like it was a sabbatical year for the PUMP. Next year will be great. 

Today I will read and George will finish up our taxes. I will also try to get a walk or two in and maybe some Pilates bodywork. I still want to have Prayer and Praise Pilates classes this summer. Would anyone come? I am not sure, but I think it would be really great to attend to body and soul at the same time. 

The "State of the Well" Freewrite Friday

 I used to do these "State of the Well" Freewrites years ago (mostly around the time of the State of the Union address), but I am resurrecting it for today. I started one of these on September 2, but here it is almost two months later, and I am just getting back to it. It will probably be longer than my usual "Freewrite Fifteen" though.

Well-Tuned Body

My back is doing great. I am going to Dr. Myers at 11:15 today, but it is just a bit tight after six weeks of no tightness. I don't let it get to the point of incapacity anymore. I listen to my body a LOT more. I do Centering Prayer and concentrate on relaxing my body. I also have this wonderful Apple Watch that reminds me to get up and walk around for at least a minute. It has also helped me to not do so much sitting in the morning. I would have my time with God (usually 2 hours) and then go on to work at my computer. Then I started teaching which got me out of the house and on my bike and doing Pilates for three hours. Since I am not teaching, I am making a point of having a reflective walk for at least 30 minutes. Sometimes I bring my tea with me and walk very slowly and just listen to God. That has really helped my back! Today, it is VERY COLD. So I am doing things a bit out of order until the sun comes up fully and I won't freeze. (I took a break and walked around the block with George with full thermal protection from head to toe. BRRR.)

I have been good about doing Pilates even though I am not teaching. I have been using Brooke Siler's CD. I am loving some of her cues. 

I have FINALLY, after a year, said good-bye to the weight I gained from my broken leg and broken toes (broke three of them at different times). I am down 10% and at 22.7 BMI. Weight Watchers is the bomb. I want to get down to 22 which is 4.7 more pounds away because this will give me wiggle room for a vacation splurge. I am hoping being on WW that I will do better at maintenance. 

When I found out I was not teaching, I was sad, but God has said that this is a time to focus on my health, and I have really enjoyed the weight loss and strength gain. Next week, I start back to more weights, maybe even going back to The Firm! Strength training is my weakest point. Cardio, flexibility, and bodyweight strength are ingrained. 

Well-Educated Mind

I am only going to read 5 out of 11 books for Book Babes Book Club this year. I was not really excited about the other choices. I realize I have freedom to not have to read ALL of them. Actually, if any of the five I am reading to not catch me in the first 40 pages, I will not read it. This is Nancy Pearl's rule of thumb for reading. Read the first 50 pages and put it down if it doesn't float your boat, but if you are over 50:

This rule of 50 worked exceedingly well until I entered my own 50s. As I wended my way toward 60, and beyond, I could no longer avoid the realization that, while the reading time remaining in my life was growing shorter, the world of books that I wanted to read was, if anything, growing larger. In a flash of, if I do say so myself, brilliance, I realized that my Rule of 50 was incomplete. It needed an addendum. And here it is: When you are 51 years of age or older, subtract your age from 100, and the resulting number (which, of course, gets smaller every year) is the number of pages you should read before you can guiltlessly give up on a book. As the saying goes, "Age has its privileges."

I just have so many books that I want to read. They are books on my 1000 Books to Read Before You Die list which, 90% of the time, has books I would never think of reading and am so glad I did! Most of the books this year in Book Babes just don't seem that interesting. I am pleasantly surprised by how much I love what is probably Jimmy Carter's last book. So, I will give most of them a least the 40-page courtesy. I am also not really big on the discussions we have. I have never felt really comfortable in the group dynamic of that group. 

There are SO MANY books that I have ordered or had in my queue that are of a spiritual flavor, and I am much more excited about those. But that overlaps into the next category. 

Well-Watered Soul

"Speaking of my soul, I love my life. I love the year He has me on as I have focused more on prayer this year. I have been reading rich prayer classics, and my favorite one this year has definitely been God Guides. Such a simple concept to "Listen and Obey," but as that sweet disciple in the Philippines says, "Some Christians don't get it" (he said it in a very cute non-native speaker way, but I cannot find what he wrote). I would say that is true. I will also say it is a spiritual discipline to stop long enough to really listen to the Lord. That is why I am trying to be intentional about sitting down with pen and journal and waiting on the Lord to speak. Then writing it down. "

I wrote this in 2014! I cut and pasted my last "State of the Well" so that I could remember my categories, and I laughed because you could say that same thing about 2020. I just recommended God Guides to my Renovare Book Club this morning and give it out like candy. My latest book I love on prayer is How to Pray by Pete Grieg.

Being a spiritual director has made me so happy. It is what I have been passionate about for years, and now it is my primary ministry! It causes my whole life to be around prayer, and eventually, I will make Praise and Prayer Pilates videos too! (www.bodyandsoulcompanion.com ) Sitting with people in direction is more prayer. I love it! So my soul is so well!

Well Adjusted Heart

So well adjusted. That thing in December was so uncalled for and such a case of projection. But I have worked through it and let it go. Emotionally, I could not be better. It helps so much to have the daily Examen to evaluate my days and keep me on top of my emotions. I think the Enneagram has also been so helpful for me to grow emotionally. 

I also just love my family. We are all doing well. I love that George is home. He is the best. We are doing more marriage mentoring these days, and one of the women said they wanted us because we are so happy, and we ARE! 

76. Beloved by Toni Morrison

How appropriate that I would have this book on hold for six weeks, and it would become available to me on the week of her passing. 

She writes beautifully about very difficult subjects. This is not an easy book to read. There were times where she was so ethereal that I was not quite sure what was happening or who was saying or doing something. It is a book of many flashbacks, and I know my Book Babes Book Club members would hate that (they have a low tolerance for a difficult read and out of their comfort zone). I don't mind flashbacks, but I did finally make it easier on myself by looking up chapter summaries on a website to make sure that I "got" what she was trying to say. Most of the time I did get it, but I wanted to make sure.

There were times where I wept (and was very mad at the white race). Morrison does a good job of putting you in the shoes of whoever the narrator is at that point (point of view shifts all over the place). I can see why it won all sorts of awards. I can also see why people would not like it too. 

All in all, I am glad that I listened to it. (And the author narrating it was amazing. She has a seductive, yet haunting style that pulls you in.)

I have to say that I was GRIPPED after I got over the initial confusion about what was going on because of all the flashbacks. It is sort of like Shakespeare. You have an initial panic that you will NOT get it, but if you sit back, relax, and let the book come to you, you get it. I wanted to keep on reading because there were so many questions in my mind. Sixty percent of the way through, you get a bigger pictures, and it is heartbreaking. Some might not like the sadness of it all though.  I did not mind. 

This book is on almost every "must read" list. Surprisingly, it was not on the Well-Educated Mind list, but I think she puts more conservative books on there. So she chose Song of Solomon by Morrison instead. I remember I liked that, but I did not like The Bluest Eyes that was on the One Hundred Books list. 

Now I have the Oprah Winfrey movie on hold. It BOMBED at the box office. I am afraid to watch it because I cannot think how they would portray one of the scenes! I will watch it with fear and trembling and will be willing to turn it off at any time. 

Friday Fifteen Freewrite

I just love alliterations: Friday Fifteen Freewrite. I have my timer set, and here I go!!!!!!

I just finished The Trinity: A Journal, and I made this monumental decision to do my review on Goodreads and then just use the HTML script that they say you can cut and paste and put it in this blog. That way, I don't have to get a separate copy of the book cover and paste it into this blog. Plus, it links back to the book on Goodreads in case someone might want to buy the book because I think Goodreads is owned by Amazon now (they really are taking over the world) - I might be wrong about that, but the rule of the Freewrite is that you just write and write and don't get distracted from this writing straight through for fifteen minutes. So maybe they don't own Goodreads? I will update this freewrite afterwards if I am wrong.

Anywho, I have read NINE books this week since Sunday. I am on a RUSSIAN READING ROLL (another alliteration, by the way)! What is so funny is that I was reviewing the Chekhov plays that I read, and I took a break and watched Season 14 of The Amazing Race (I think it was in about 2008), and they were in Russia, and they had a bunch of letters and had to unscramble them to spell a "famous Russian playwright"! LOL! Here I am taking a break from Chekhov, and they mention Chekhov in the episode, and what was even funnier was that 7 out of 9 of the teams HAD NO IDEA and had to just play with the letters until they got it right. Of course, the lawyer got it right away, and he said, "That was so easy. Of course it is Chekhov." But sadly, the majority of people would never know about Chekhov. Then I thought, did I know about Chekhov in 2008? Somehow I think I did. I think I had read the dramas list from The Well-Educated Mind by then so I would have read or been on the verge of reading his most famous work: The Cherry Orchard.

Dead Russians are the best writers.

On another note, I have not only been feeding my mind with good literature but have also been feeding my soul. Better said that God has been feeding my soul. I have loved my time in Bonhoeffer and with The Trinity: A Journal, finishing up with the Holy Spirit. It has been perfect as I face what many would consider a trial. There have been only brief moments where I panicked with this broken leg, mostly when I thought my back was going to go out. But God has brought me back to a focus that "the Holy Spirit gives life and peace," and He has faithfully brought me back to his perspective, actually quite quickly. 

He has also brought me back to focus in one thing where I felt rejected and insecure in a setting with three other people. I excused myself and went back to my bedroom and focused and listened to God. They had no idea as they were busy with something that I felt left out of (thus why I was feeling insecure). Instead of telling them I was hurt, I went into God's inner room for me, and He spoke so wonderfully and beautifully to me. In Enneagram terms, my insecurity wanted me to go from my Type Two into the insecure Type Eight (my direction of disintegration), but instead I went into the inner room of the healthy Type Four (my direction of integration), and it was amazing!

Then, I went back out into the living room, and the whole situation, and my perspective of it totally turned around. I felt SO WANTED and SO LOVED, but I didn't have to demand it, and I would have been fine if those others did NOT communicate that to me because I already felt SO WANTED and SO LOVED by God in my inner room time with Him back in my bedroom. So their affirmation of me was just an icing on a cake. I already had the cake.

So that was something that I might have already documented here, but I thought I would write about it in my Freewrite. 

And there you go FIFTEEN MINUTES exactly. Time to face the day. (By the way is it also DAY FIFTEEN on my injury recovery so I might be half way to weight bearing! YAY!)

Pressing without proofreading! BYE! 

Update: Amazon acquired Goodreads on March 28, 2013. There you go. They really are taking over the world. 

68. Henry V by Shakespeare

Loved it! I always start out listening to Shakespeare and panic that I am not understanding. Five minutes later I am totally engrossed and following the story! I loved this drama too. Samuel West does such a great job as Henry V! 

I have not listened to Shakespeare since my Well-Educated Mind journey of reading. Although I have gone to several plays since then. It was great to be back! 

Lightworks Two/6 (The Prodigal)

This parable always is sweet to me. The father wouldn't even listen to the youngest son's apology. He was too excited. My son was dead and now he is alive! He was lost and now he is found! My youngest son graduates today. We will kill the fatted calf and have a celebration for him (although he did not particularly want a party - the deer are walking in the yard right by the deck  - no doubt wanting to get in my husband impenetrable garden). I don't think my oldest will mind. I do want to plan a celebration for both of them as Michael is now laid off of work and George has to take 12 days of PTO before September. So, I need to get around to planning something. 

I think pollen is really bad. I am out on my deck and my eyes are even hazing up a bit. My poor oldest son who has major grass seed allergies! I hope he is OK sitting outside in Reser Stadium for all those hours today.

Yesterday was a very fulfilling day. I did something I just had to do. I said NO to subbing. I got a text at 4:30 am to do so, and I had already decided that it was really important to finish the project I had started. That was shelving all the books I had in bags, getting the journals in under bed boxes, getting my paper organized, getting rid of some book. It was a major reorganization of four different book areas: Master bedroom, family room, George's office/Guest Room, and upstairs Spiritual Direction/Office. I was up and down stairs all day long, until George got home at 7 pm. I need to learn to say NO with conviction more. As Fran, my spiritual director, told me last time we met, "Calendaring is a spiritual discipline." I also need to know that my time is valuable, and these are projects I have put off for far too long. I had already subbed one time this week, and I do plan on trying to do it at least one time a week throughout the summer. I also got to the office closet floor. There was the M & M Kids stuff from the 90s that Cindy P. was going to throw out and Lisa S. saved! This is something I bought and donated to that church! The original manual is nowhere to be seen though. I have no idea where it could be. I will ask Nessa because I had loaned it to her and it came back to me in a different container and looking like it was reduced in volume. No matter is she lost it though. My guess is that there is an online version somewhere now. I will look it up. It is a 25 year old curriculum that has probably been update, but it was so nice to have a blast from the past in looking through it. 

I also went through all my NASM personal training courses, Power Pilates training courses, Transformational Prayer Ministry training, and organized all my stuff from the Renovare Institute/Book Club, and leadership things. Oh yes, I also went through all my Well-Educated Mind books and organized them. All the Presidents Men and Common Sense are missing though. I also got through my Prayer fuel tub, but I did not get to my TOAG tub. I had organized that more recently. So I don't think it will take me that long to get through it. I think I can get rid of some things though because the Discover App takes care of a lot of things that I have in paper form. 

I am so much more of a people person. So when I get in a "task mode," I have to just RUN with it because these times are far and few between and organization goes by the wayside. So, this is so, so good to say NO to people things this summer in favor of getting some much neglected tasks done. I will have a very PEOPLE day today (with my favorite people names Paul, Michael, George and mother in law, Mary). So yesterday was good to be almost purely task (at least until the whole crew came home, and we had yummy Italian food). 

Tomorrow is people day because of Father's Day. Next week is a three day prayer retreat, and then two day of more people with Ralph and Debbie coming from Idaho. Then, I hope to meet with Nuha but get some more task stuff. The things I am looking at are:

Under the stairs - George says it is all labeled and in boxes, but the boxes are all out of place, and it looks really crowded under there. So I want to cull papers and reorganize down there. I also want to get rid of some toys. So this will be a family project.

Kids Books - we have kids the visit, and it is nice to have books for them, but I think we can cull some more.

Garage - UGH. I think there is little organization to George's domain. So I want to be sensitive but also want it workable so I can find things down there. I go in there, and I am lost. It also looks really MESSY on the workbench, and I would like to rectify that. This is where having a dad who had a garage where you could have eaten a meal of the floor is a disadvantage for me because George grew up on a farm, and it is just a different standard. So I will have to tread lightly on his domain. We have stuff from a welcome basket too. SO we need to give that away if we can. 

Kitchen - I think the pantry is fairly organized but want to go through it regardless. I need to clean the fridge and go through every cupboard and drawer. 

Boys room - I think there room is fairly clean, but I am sure there are clothes that they have outgrown that are lurking there. Paul is home until he gets a job. So I am hoping that he can do his part for that. 

Personally I would like Paul and or Michael to design me a website for Spiritual Direction and personal training/Pilates. I think that would be very cool. 

I better get in the shower and start my day. That was a 30 minute freewrite and a total download.

Off to graduation activities.

15. Reconstructing the Gospel: Finding Freedom from Slaveholder Religion

Oh sigh, I did not really like this book. I found it really rambling and not really written in a manner that I could follow. It didn't really offer kind solutions and felt very condemning. He also knocked many public figures. I just thought the tone was somewhat self-righteous too. 

I could not really relate to him having not being raised in the church or in the South. I do belong to a society of women that is composed of predominantly white, evangelical, southerners, and we who composed the small number of women in the group from the West coast  would just look at each other quizzically when they would insist that it was the "War of Northern Aggression" and about states' rights rather than the "Civil War" and about slavery. Some of them still believed that the south is suffering economically because of that War.

My education on this subject has been more formed from the writings of mostly black people rather than a white person who grew up as a Southern Baptist in the heart of the Bible Belt. My awareness and compassion has grown more though these readings. (And I am sure has much more room to grow.) The people who wrote the books below are my heroes. If you have followed my blog for years, you know that I read 287 books that are considered classics. The one with the best list about this subject were from the book called The Well-Educated Mind. Here are the books on this subject:  

1851 Uncle Tom's Cabin by Stowe/Novel
1861 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Jacobs/Autobio
1872 Paul Laurence Dunbar Poetry (American and my favorite poet)
1881 Life & Times of Frederick Douglass/Narrative of Frederick Douglass/Autobio
1884 The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Twain/Novel
1901 Up From Slavery by Washington/Autobio
1902 Langston Hughes Poetry (American)
1903 Souls of Black Folk by DuBois/History (American)
1940 Native Son by Wright/Novel
1952 Invisible Man by Ellison/Novel
1965 The Autobiography of Malcolm X/Autobio
1974 Roll, Jordan, Roll:The World the Slaves Made by Genovese/History
1977 Song of Solomon by Morrison/Novel

Other books that my book clubs have read that are helpful:

To Kill a Mockingbird by Lee (not a black author)
Their Eyes Were Watching God (Hurston - exquisite writing)
The Color Purple (Walker - not my favorite but inspired by Hurston) 

Update 6/20: The Underground Railroad (Whitehead)

OTHERS:

About Apartheid in South Africa:
Cry, the Beloved Country
Kaffir Boy 

England's Fight to Abolish Slavery:
Wilberforce: A Hero of Humanity by Belmonte (I loved this, but my book club did not.) 
Amazing Grace (about Wilberforce) by Metaxas

32. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

 

The Best Book Ever Written!

This was such a good investment of 58 hours. I loved this narrator. This is my third or fourth time through it, and I loved it even more this time. It remains hands-down my favorite book by a long shot. How much more meaningful to have been to Paris and to see the location of the Barricades and all the places mentioned in the book. It was also such a treat to see the house in which he wrote part of Les Miserables! I was in HUGO HEAVEN at his house, and the old gentleman who looked after the tourist was so tickled at my excitement. 

I read this book in the summer of 1996, culminating with me seeing the stage version in Seattle on my birthday, July 27. This was before I had homeschooled and read all the books from The Well-Educated Mind (press hyperlink to see how long it took me). Twenty-two years later, I understood much more of his references.

The writing is so beautiful. The story is amazing. I think everyone should read this book at least one time in their life! It is so worth the time.   



"The night was starless and extremely dark. No doubt, in the gloom, some immense angel stood erect with wings outspread, awaiting that soul."

2016 Reading Wrap Up

This is my fifth year participating in this endeavor. I didn't think I would make 52 this year, but I read a lot over the last two weeks! I did not link the books I mentioned within this wrap up post, but there is a list of all the books at the end of it with the links if you want to see favorite quotes or reviews.

Here are the Wrap Up questions from http://www.read52booksin52weeks.com/:

How many books did you read and did you meet or beat your own personal goal?  Or did you get caught up in reading and forget to keep track like me?  *grin* 

I read 52. I love to have goals. This is a manageable one for me after reading all the books on Well-Educated Mind, Invitation to the Classics, and 100 Great Books Lists (see links to those lists above - it was a Big Hairy Audacious Goal). 

What countries and time periods did you visit?

COUNTRIES:

• England: this was the main one since we traveled there (see my Travelogue of that trip here: http://carolhomeschool2.blogspot.com/search/label/Travelogue) to see a photograph I had on exhibition there and to enjoy some of the haunts of our favorite authors.
• Afghanistan (In the Sea there are Crocodiles)
• Middle East (The Rise of ISIS, The Terror Years)
• Iran (My Name is Mahtob)
• Multiple Nations in Poverty (Half the Sky)
• Everywhere (Pray for the World)
• I had some delightful journeys to Narnia also!

TIME PERIODS:

• Post War London (The Life and Times of Call the Midwife)
• 1930's America and Germany (The Boys in the Boat)
• 1930-1950's England (The Fellowship and Bandersnatch)
  

What were your most favorite stories?   Any stories that stayed with you a long time,  left you wanting more or needed to digest for a while before starting another?  

Ben-Hur - Absolutely beautiful
The Boys in the Boat
The Silver Chair (my favorite of all the Narnia books because of Puddleglum's speech)

The Way of the Beloved was not a story but one of my favorites of the year.

Which books became comfort reads? - don't have one

What is the one book or the one author you thought you'd never read and found yourself pleasantly surprised that you liked it?

Liturgy of the Ordinary: Sacred Practices in Everyday Life - I thought it would be another "pop" Christian book and was so delightfully surprised at its depth and beauty!

Did you read any books that touched you and made you laugh, cry, sing or dance?

Boys in the Boat - WOW!

Any that made you want to toss it across the room in disgust?

Half the Sky - You can read my review, but I really hated the patronizing tone of the authors. The stories about women were around the world was good though.

Please share a favorite cover or quote.

Here is my list:

1. Mary Poppins

2. Half the Sky

3. Winnie-the-Pooh

4. Ben Hur

5. My Name is Mahtob

6. The Healing Timeline

7. A Harmony of the Gospels

8. Gospel Harmony Book Club

9. Rick Steves London 2016

10. Black Flags: The Rise of ISIS

11. Rick Steves England 2013

12. When Breath Becomes Air

13. Pray for the World

14. The Celebration of Discipline

15. The Cost of Discipleship

16. Delighting in God

17. The Rainbow Comes and Goes

18. In the Sea There Are Crocodiles

19. The Boys in the Boat

20. Message: Remix

21. A Testament of Devotion

22. Life Together

23. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

24. Prince Caspian

25. The Fellowship: The Literary Lives of the Inklings

26. The Jungle Books

27. The Jungle Book 1 (Librivox Ver. 3)

28. Bandersnatch: Creative Collaboration of the Inklings

29. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

30. The Silver Chair

31. The Horse and His Boy

32. The Magician's Nephew

33. The Last Battle

34. The Maltese Falcon

35. Muslims, Christians, and Jesus

36. The Christ of the Indian Road

37. Miraculous Movements

38. Spiritual Multiplication in the Real World

39. The Terror Years

40. Beyond Loneliness

41. The Game with Minutes

42. God Guides

43. SPEG Manual

44. Messiah Meditations Devotional

45. Life of the Beloved

46. Notes from a Small Island

47. The Index Card

48. Going Clear: Scientology

49. Settle for More

50. The Way of the Heart

51. The Life and Times of Call the Midwife

52. Liturgy of the Ordinary: Sacred Practices in Everyday Life

Saturday Seventeen Freewrite + Thursday Thirteen

A friend who has been part of the Eduanon/Trapdoor community asked these questions:

What's on your mind?
How do you figure out what to focus on?
How do you make whatever you choose a reality?

Such great questions, Dali!!! I have the countdown timer rolling, and I am not going to pick up my fingers from the keyboard for seventeen minutes. Ready and GO! 

What's on my mind?(The first two were written August 29)

I have been contemplating yesterday's flurry of activity. It was originally a FLURRY FREE FRIDAY. (When will my love for alliterations come to an end?) I was tired from NON STOP people on my trip to a Colorado conference from Wednesday, August 19 - Saturday, August 22, and a trip to Colorado Springs from the 22nd to 26th. I had planned to just chill on the 28th because I knew the 27th would involve catching up on emails and getting back into the swing of starting writing my syllabi and outlines for the classes I will be teaching at the university. BUT, the 28th ended up being quite another thing, but I am glad it went the way it did, even though it has been "on my mind" since I woke up this morning.

I guess what is on my mind is spousal abuse. Serious subject, eh? I was invited to speak truth into my organization yesterday, and I had a phone meeting from 10:30 - 11:40 with one and 6 - 9:30 with the other (my husband and his wife were in on that meeting too).  The one in the morning turned out to be God displaying His brilliance as this leader in my organization totally heard me and my concerns. There was one point where his strong personality unnerved me a bit, but I did not cry (Even though I felt like it for a split second, but I love just listening to God in the midst of things, and He gave me the confidence to go ahead and live out my destiny name: BOLDLY BELOVED. YES, God's destiny name for me IS an alliteration! LOL!). So I was BOLD and gave it right back to him, and it was BEAUTIFUL. Really 99.5 percent of the phone call was awesome, but that pesky .5 percent could have derailed the whole darn thing in my FEELER soul! :) 

What was SO AWESOME was his very long email to the leadership of the organization saying this is a clarion call from Carol! YIPEE! I want to make a difference, and I think this was a start. 

Anywho, in between all of this, was a sweet four hours with my 90 year old mentor, and she just calms me so! She is closer to me than my mother ever was. It is pretty funny though because I finally tested her for Myers-Briggs after knowing her for 25 years, and we are the same personality type (ISFJ). She said, "Well, of course, I always knew that." LOL! She listened about my phone call, and I told her about the big meeting in the evening, and then George joined us and gave his two cents, and it was a glorious meeting of hearts and souls.

6 pm came, and I wasn't afraid. George started out introducing the subject, and there was definite resistance. I am trying to let people be aware that abuse DOES exist, and we cannot put it under a rock and pretend. INTO THE LIGHT. At one point he said, "I don't want to gossip," but that was a smokescreen. So I GENTLY, yet BOLDLY pressed forward, with George behind me 100% (and the other man's wife).  I guess it reminded me of the time I spoke truth to my mom saying, "I will continue to speak truth to the dysfunction in this family." It turned out great in that respect. So, BIG GIRL, BOLDLY BELOVED panties are so nice fitting on me. 

I drove home alone (since George and I met in the middle), and I CRANKED the song WINGS by Glee. I will put the words. It was perfect for the situation I just walked out of. I also cranked IT IS WELL from Bethel. SO BEAUTIFUL.

OK that is what is on my mind.

Next question:

How do you figure what to focus on?

That one has become crystal clear for me over the years. I have a "LO" Time every morning where I "listen and obey"! I drink my chai with pen and paper in hand, and I listen. Then I write down what I hear God telling me to do. 

I think overall, I know what my life mission is, and I focus on that. I know it is probably hard to believe, but I probably get four to five requests a day to DO things. I bring them all up to God, and say NO to everything I am not supposed to do. 

I heard about going to Colorado in June. So this whole trip to Colorado was an investigatory trip to see how another organization does things to care for their people, and I learned how my organization can improve, and that is why I talked to the guy yesterday morning. That was all a result of me hearing to pursue going to Colorado to learn from the people who are doing it well, and what is such a blow away is that I had a nervous breakdown with this organization 32 years ago, and they have grown and do it well when they did it TERRIBLY before. So, WE CAN ALL IMPROVE. Really great time. 

I have run out of time for the last question, and I am going to go for a walk with my sweetheart that I have only spent 13 hours with over the last 2 1/2 weeks!

How do you make whatever your choose a reality? (written the following Thursday)

I did not have enough time to answer this last week when Dali asked the question so I have thirteen minutes on my timer (because it is a THursday), and here I go.

My husband would say that I make everything I dream of a reality. LOL! I am very much a dreamer and visionary, BUT my dreams are usually rooted in reality. So I usually don't dream them unless I know that I can see it come through into a reality. So, the thing above about going and visiting the PRT headquarters was rooted in a time with God where He put this on my heart. I wrote it down, and I started acting upon what he told me. I emailed Rusty at PRT, but I also emailed John, our pastoral coach, and I asked him what he thought of me going to "shadow" the PRT in Colorado Springs (since I was already going to Denver for a conference that Rusty was going to). Both were game, and then my friend Anne, who lives in Colorado Springs, said she would like to intern with Rusty and bring back all the things she learns back to our agency. That was OUT OF THE BLUE! I did not even tell her what I was thinking about. So, I felt like that was confirmation. SO, last week (that I wrote about in the first question) became a reality! Dream realized. I feel like my job with all of that is done, except being a "bug on the wall" when Rusty goes to visit our agency. That will be fun, and I can just add "color" from a woman's perspective!

Because I am a strong "S" (I think that and feeler are my strongest letters on the Myers-Briggs), I don't think I know how to dream without it being rooted in me knowing that I have the capacity to follow through on it.

My third StengthsFinder strength is "Achiever" too. Consequently, I am a person who usually achieves my goals. I don't know why. Like when I set out to read all the books in The Well-Educated Mind. It took me eight years, but I chipped away at it and made that a reality. 

I have to say that I also have a very supportive husband who never hinders my goals, and he always supports them 100% and picks up the slack when I get into the "make my dreams a reality" mode. He likes to do things like that. 

I also like to break things down into manageable steps and not get freaked out. I have goals every day. That is just how I am wired. Yesterday, my goal was to get both Syllabi done for the classes that I am teaching at OSU, and I did it with plenty of time to spare. I also wanted to arrange CPR/First Aid training so I called the guy. I am not afraid to call people, ask questions, elicit help. Some people are afraid of that. 

Today, my goal is to learn Canvas. So, I am meeting with my boss this morning. I am also picking up the folder from my friend who used to teach the same classes I am teaching (WHY reinvent the wheel? I take her stuff and modify it for me.). I am also picking up the keys for my class and going out to lunch and a movie with a friend. I think making things into reality is not being afraid and also gathering as much information as you possibly can and learning from those who have gone before you. 

There is the bell! BYE BYE!