Tuesday Typing Ten Freewrite
I had a couple of things that happened this weekend that bothered me, and I am feeling quite alone today. I wasn't called for Ester's funeral, which is so weird because they called me to sit with her, but no one called me to inform me when the funeral was. She had a list of songs she wanted sung, and she had asked me to sing them (I am glad I got out of that though). It makes me sad, but it brought back all these horrible memories of feeling like such a leper at my old church. I felt so unloved and judged. Because I am somewhere where I feel really loved and accepted, those feelings are so foreign to me. So, I guess God wanted me to feel them again.
The next is a tea with my sorority. One person made a point of going around the table asking everyone what they were doing now, but for some reason, it stopped at me. No one asked me anything about my life or my family. It was the strangest thing. It isn't that I didn't enjoy myself because I loved hearing about what others were doing and what their kids are doing, but why stop at me? Again, I left feeling very alone and unloved, and I wonder if I will go to another one of these. It was contrary to the last one where we sat in groups of four, and Margaret (and old roommate) had many questions about what I was doing. She knows I am not a "career woman" like most of the other women there, but she was genuinely interested, as I was fascinated with her life too, it was give and take, back and forth. I don't want to exclude the other two at the table, but they are two girls that I get together with more regularly. So, we all know what is going on in each other's lives. Margaret just fit right in our table.
Yesterday was very good, I had a Romans 6 study with Rachel, and I felt like she really opened up with me. That was really nice. I liked hearing a little bit more of her story and what makes her tick. Then, I went to the dentist and met with Jennifer for discipleship. She asked me what I would be doing afterward, and I realized I had a pretty uneventful and free day. That sort of left me wondering what I am doing with my life.
I know that Bible Book Club is important, and it is what God has called me to do. I also know that Bible Study and meeting for counseling and spiritual direction are important too, but it doesn't have a title, and those sorority girls certainly wouldn't care about that.
So, I have to admit. I am a bit depressed this morning and feel like crying. That is unusual for me. Thus why I am delaying my Christmas cards.