Wednesday Freewrite

The pattern is clear: I love AUTHENTIC CONNECTION (and by extension COMMUNITY). 

It is consistent that when I pray the Examen, I usually find the most meaningful time of my day is when I make that AUTHENTIC CONNECTION with someone. Yesterday, it was with one of my spiritual direction directees. We made an authentic connection on a soul level as I read the story of the angel Gabriel's visit to Mary. We both sighed when I read "nothing will be impossible with God." We discussed what were the seemingly impossible things in our lives. We both longed for growth and freedom. It was great. 

I also find it when I connect in a group. Sometimes, our missional community (the "International Harvesters") just connects, and it is so grand. The good part of all of this is that I do not LONG for it like I used to (although I am not sure I could have put my finger on that is what I wanted), and when I rejoice at that most meaningful time of the day, I see it as a gift, rather than long for it so much that I demand it from God; stomping my feet like a child that wants to get her way. When it comes now, I look back and just say, "Thank you." It is a desire but not a need. Mainly because my truest "authentic connection" need is met with God every morning in prayer. 

Right now, there is an authentic connection with him as I type away. The nuns at some foreign abbey are singing their praise to God, and I conclude my time in the Spiritual Exercises. Today the readings were in Isaiah 40 in the Pray as You Go, Exercises for Everyone, and the Advent reading email. It is about you giving me rest. It is about you giving me power. It is about that connection with you from which all other relationships flow.  All is gift.

All that said, it means that I am also intentional about community. A couple of weeks ago (or was it last week?) I felt the need to connect with all those people I felt like I had lost connection with over the last few months of recovery from my leg fracture. I was intentional about hunting down N as she sometimes hides. I no longer take it personally. I know her so well, but I miss her. I clarified to make sure that is was not something that happened between us. It was not. We sat down last Monday for two hours of authentic connection. 

I guess I realized what a high value I placed on authenticity when I was to describe my fellow spiritual direction Boise cohort members. I said, "authentic" more than once, it was the most predominant word in the word cloud on my page. I came back to tell George that it had never occurred to me before how much I value that quality in a good friend. 

Then, Russ Hudson, in his Enneagram of the Higher Mind series had "authentic connection" in the title when he described Type Two virtues. That is what we desire. I am still trying to determine what is more important; authentic connection in one-to-one situations (intimate instinct) or authentic connection in community (social instinct). I think they are both equal to me. It is just rarer to find it in community, but I think I can always sense when it is not (fluffy and girly Christmas teas and women's ministry events - not usually occurring in my new church, but it happened all the time in my old church). 

Oh, there is the fifteen-minute timer, and I want to walk before I go to the doctor!

BYE!