Abbey Day of Prayer

I feel like it is Monday morning, but it is really Wednesday morning. George had one more day to take off for June. (Mandated five days by his company.) Four of them are/were for our two extended weekend getaways. So we decided to take the fifth one to go to the beautiful and serene Mount Angel Abbey.

This is my "Serene Bean" husband spending time with God overlooking the valley floor. 

I have brought all the "My Lord and Me" Journals since 2014, but I only looked over the last full day of prayer on December  31, where I evaluated the entire year. I was still a bit blown over by the tongue lashing I got on December 23, but I looked at my evaluation of the year, and it was lovely overall other than that particular thing (and my son being suddenly laid off from his career job). And yesterday's day of prayer was a continuation of the peace and presence of God. It was lovely. 

I "considered the lilies" as I looked at the beautiful splashes of color everywhere at the Abbey. I have gone there in all seasons, but I forgot how nice June is in terms of the flowers blooming. Because of Covid-19, we were not supposed to walk on any of the trails and to stick to the Stations of the Cross and the top Abbey grounds. So I did not get to see all the beautiful flowers at the lower trail ring. Next time. I wanted to honor their rules. It was lovely to just sit and ponder the peaceful setting. 

Then the wood chipper went roaring. I could handle the chain saw when we first got there because the tree they were pruning was around the corner near the residence hall for the monks, but the wood chipper was right near us in all its loudness! I thought what an analogy of the world today. It is roaring and loud and overwhelming. I wrote:

 Lord, my heart has to calm down a bit. The turmoil is like the roar of that wood chipper in the background. It was starting to grate on my nerves. Now, it just wound down and drove away. . . Lord, our world is in turmoil right now. Yet you say, "'Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while'...They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves" (Mk 6:31-32). You are so good. With you, there is peace, God.

 Yes. Yet, my tree has been pruned through the uproar in our world these past weeks (and months, really). I tried to be a peacemaker on Facebook and to hear both sides of the issue for my opposing friends. But then I think it was time for the chain saw and chipper to drive away in my life. It was good to be in the quiet. 

God and I talked about the year, and how we are moving along in many ways, except one. That was a subject of much prayer and listening that has continued into this morning as my meditation in Finding Christ in the World: A Twelve Week Retreat in Everyday Life was in the Lord's Prayer and the admonition by Jesus to "keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking." The dialogue will continue because I want to grow in this one area, but "not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit" (Zech 4:6). I think I have "worked on it" by my will and discipline, but I want it in partnership with him because that is only when a lasting change will happen. 

God also allowed me to dream a bit about the future. Doing this website has pushed me to really think through many things about what I really want. That is so Ignatian too! God is constantly asking me "What do you really want?" I want to grow from the inside out and companion others on that journey from the inside out. Contemplatives in Action. Set the world on fire. I said, "Let's do this together. I am passionate about giving all away, Lord." That is primarily all the things that I have developed over the years. Just on Monday, I had a life coach email me for a guide on how to spend a day of prayer because one of their clients was asking how to do it. I have that! I get asked all the time for things like this. That is what I mean by "giving it all away." I want to share the abundance of resources I have gathered. 

Further, in prayer, I asked more of what God wanted me to know. Philippians 3:13-14 came into the picture: 

Forget what lies behind.
Reach forward to what lies ahead.
Press on toward the goal of the prize of the upward call in Christ Jesus. 

With forget, I immediately thought of being blasted in December. All my older women counsel (Cammie, Carol, Joan, and Fran) asked:

• Why did you call in the first place?
• Why did you listen to 2 1/2 hours of false accusations?
• Why would you pick up poison ever again? (Cammie specifically asked me, "If you had poison on the counter, would you drink it every day?" Why no, Cammie!) 

Joan especially gave me some good tips about forgetting on March 2. So I am reminded to let my mind dwell on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute (Phil 4:8). They were mostly projections as my Mental Health Certification classes have reminded me. Empaths should steer clear. It breaks my heart to do that because I long for a connection, even with that person.

So, when someone tells you, you are a useless piece of nothing. Not worthy and "high" enough spiritually to associate with them. It is easy to stop and think, "I cannot reach forward. I cannot press on. I am worthless." But the voice of truth tells me a different story. I am a beloved child of God. I am a loved sinner. I am chosen for a purpose. 

So I reach forward. Forgetting what lies behind. 

Reaching forward without fear. 

I did feel sad yesterday. Sad for the sides. I feel like Switzerland. Sad for people who think you are not spiritual enough if you don't protest or do protest. RUBBISH. I'm just going to be me and 

SEEK THE THINGS ABOVE.

That was another big theme of yesterday (Col 3).  Seek the kingdom. 

After this, I read a chapter called "The Universal Presence" from The Pursuit of God by Tozer. Such food for my soul. PRESENCE was my word for 2019, and I think it is for 2020. I think seeking his presence is so key for me (for all of us) to living life in an incarnational way. George and I talked about that in the middle of our time of prayer. I am going to reread this book this week at the cabin. 

Then, I went to midday prayer with the monks of the Abbey. I know mass is closed to the public, but this was open, and it was lovely. They sang through Psalm 71 and 126. So I meditated on this afterward. 

When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion,

We were like those who dream.  (Ps 126:1)

George and I talked later about a return to the Malay world. that would be so lovely. We are praying. 

Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. 

He who goes to and fro seeking, carrying his bag of seed,  

Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, 

bringing his sheaves with him. (Ps 126:6)

We had a lovely day until it got very hot at about 1:30 pm (and the bench I was sitting on was starting to rotate my pelvis). So we thought it might be cooler at Minto Brown Park. We walked and prayed, but it was 90 degrees there and, unlike Mt. Angel, no breeze. So, we decided to finish our day of prayer at home in the air conditioning after stopping by the Grain Station in Monmouth for a very late lunch. George got into a talk with the recently graduated quarterback for Western Oregon University. 

I am still praying about doing a "light" training with Simple Steps, Inner Life Growth, and tips on Cross-Cultural Communication.

God gave me this summer for REST - REFLECTION - RESTORING and going deeper with him. He said, "Let's walk together." I think I have been doing too much "scanning" lately. Looking for approval in some new groups I have joined. Wanting to be "let in" so I feel like I belong when I already belong. God is calling me to my Type Four Healthy Inner Room for a while! 

To conclude my time, God said in the gist, "It is all going to come together. Be free. I'll bring it all to you." 

So I am reaching forward and pressing on. Flying free "careless in the care of God." 

Selah.