Moravian Text and Prayerful Review

I woke up very early and checked my daily verses and found such comfort in them:

Third Sunday of Advent
Watchword for the Week — Be strong, do not fear! Here is your God. Isaiah 35:4
He is my God. The last five days have been lovely but also hard as I realize how on the "outs" I am with my family of origin. I miss the people like my mom and my dad who made me feel welcome and included. 
Take away from this encouraging verse: He is my home.
Sunday, December 11 — Isaiah 35:1–10; Psalm 146:5–10
James 5:7–10; Matthew 11:2–11
I will gather the exiles (outcast in NASB). I will give them praise and honor in every land where they have suffered shame (I will turn their shame into praise and renown in all the earth). Zephaniah 3:19 (NIV)
Take away: I have always been made to feel shame for the choice I made to live where I do. The long term effect is that I have distant relationships with all of them, but God has given me praise and honor in abundance. I have YOU as my home God, a close abiding relationship with You. None of those relationships are bad, but they are not close because of time and distance. I would have been so lonely if I had stayed. I am in such a land of abundance now. I feel for my kids as they think those people are phantoms. But effort has not been made on their part to be in our lives or come to see us (only my wedding in 1990). That is not a rejection of me but a symptom of other things in their own lives. I need to feel no shame for the life I have chosen to live and where I have chosen to live it. I am free.

Zip lining and sailing were two free things we did yesterday.

Jesus saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. Mark 6:34
Take away: That is what I feel. No anger or bitterness. I feel sad for the lack of earthly family but feel more compassion than anything else.
Shepherd of our souls, we all are exiles in some way; we long for home. We are connected to others through the love we have with you and we ask that  you help us to share that love in our daily interactions. Amen.
Take away: This is so the prayer of my heart. So true that we are all exiles (outcast) in some way. The response is always love.
This has been hard but good. I had hoped to connect with one family here because of things we have in common, but there was no heart connection whatsoever and the door was shut in our face. There were many lovely moments with many lovely people though. (Additional note: we were able to talk to three couples who went to college with my niece after I wrote this post. They were deeper and lovely, and it was more fulfilling for me - I think I just crave deeper conversation, and most of them were so surface that I could not handle it after so many days!)
You are my home!
Prayerful Review of Last 24 hours:
What made me feel most alive and I tune with God's plan:
Doing the thing I feared by zip lining across 8 zip lines over a Cabo Canyon!
Having all the guides tell me how perfect my form was!
Having family back home like and follow our exploits!
Favorite dish at Blu!
A bubble bath
The most amazing private cruise at sunset at Land's End of Baja California, Mexico with my sweetheart!


Jumping manta rays at the junction between the Pacific Ocean and the Sea of Cortez!
Memories of childhood on the boat with my daddy. I didn't care that we had no wind to sail because the sound of a boat engine is music to my ears.
Doing this all with my partner on the exact day we "defined our relationship" 28 years ago!
What made me feel most dead and not I tune with God's plan:
Fretting over a snub when we got back. Not part of God's plan for me to worry about it. It is what it is. If some people have no interest in getting to know us (or even introducing us to others), it is their total loss and not ours. I release it all and let it go!
The verse You gave me at the beginning of this which is so amazing (see below): 
The Lord your God is in your midst.
A victorious warrior.
He will exult over you with joy.
He will be quiet in His love.
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy!
Zephaniah 3:17
(After reading this when it was published, I realize that the opening verse is from Zephaniah 3 also! I had copied out verses 12-20 in my journal in the airport before we left - that is a God thing!)
That is why my earthly father changed my name at birth from Karen to Carol which means "Song of Joy"!
So thankful I also finished The Life of the Beloved on the plane to remind me of my Belovedness even though I do not feel beloved or cherished by my family and the people at this event. He reminded me of the name that my Heavenly Father gave me: Boldly Beloved!

(Monday Morning: George, "I know your family loves you, but I don't think they fully understand what motivates and drives you. Until recently, they have been so embroiled in overcoming their own addictions they have had no capacity to get to know you beyond what they already knew from the past."  What a wise man.)
This has been a phenomenal time in ways that have grown my heart!
Ways to show my love for God and others:
Give away our pesos! Greet everyone I meet with a smile.

Follow up: WE DID! Every single one and lots of smiles. :) I have some things to think through and process and work on, but it was a stretching trip for me in many ways.

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