Frenetic Fifteen Freewrite
I do not usually succumb to it, but I think I have it. It is a back burner kind of stress right now. My day to day activities are not any busier than normal (well maybe a bit busier).
#1 Stresser - Job uncertainty. There are so many unknowns about George's future. I am a bit mad that current employers really want to keep George, but they aren't willing to find funding to keep him and want him to piece together a job that means he gets paid a fraction of what he has been paid when he first started. I do not think they realize what they will be missing. It is the nature of "soft" money, but if we had a house payment, we would have not been able to survive. I need to forgive them. I will do that right now. Breathe. Drop down to your gut Carol (Experiencing God's Presence 24/7) and forgive with Jesus' loving forgiveness. They are not intentional about their neglect. People get so busy with their lives.
#2 Stressor - Dental Care. Because of #1, I am frantically trying to get things done before the benefits run out. That means completing the homestretch of Michael's 10 year dental journey. This involves multiple trips back and forth to a dental specialist one hour south of here. Just an extra stress for our lives. This will all be completed in May, but it is just an extra thing on my plate.
#3 Stressor - Taxes. I just have not had time to complete these, and it is coming down to the wire. It is always difficult with George. He does not get me the information. I asked him to have it to me on January 1st. It is March 21, and I am still waiting. Not that I even have had time to start anyway.
#4 Stressor - Needs Around Me. There are so many needs, and I am a sucker for a counseling emergency with people outside of my "sphere of influence" and more in my "sphere of concern." This has gotten me in trouble in the past but not as much lately so it surprises me that I have not said "no" more often (as much as I hate to say "no"). I should focus on those going out into the world, but I also know that the potential for many from that group going out is HUGE. I prayed about this latest one and feel that I need to finish what I started. At the time I committed, there was nothing on the horizon, but now there is one going in 18 months that I really want and need to invest in. I will not say yes to any more sessions with any of their people and will recommend that someone in their group get peacemaker AND theophostic/listening prayer training. SO many hurting people, Lord! So much brokenness. I have a heart for this!
#5 Stressor - Bible Book Club. I love this but feel like I need to stop everything else in order to get this done.
#6 Stressor - Jesus Community. I am thinking of phasing out because I do not want to go there without George if he starts commuting to Hillsboro. Maybe I can just meet with key women: Kathleen, Abi, and Leslie (maybe Sandy but Grace is always an issue as they are not keen on getting a baby sitter) between now and next June. Maybe TrueFaced? I am tired with the nights of Jesus Community and cooking meals when I have a family who needs a meal at home is a bit much for me.
#7 Stressor - Friendships. I want a balance of listening/talking, and I am out of balance in this area due to high needs of some of my friends. It has to be give and take in my peer friendships since the 20-somethings are much more consumed with what is happening with them rather than us/me.
#8 Stressor - Possible Move. That is always stressful for anyone. It is hard when others "don't want me to leave" and put pressure by saying, "I am praying that the miracle funding comes through for Corvallis" instead of just saying "I pray God's WILL be done." Frustrates me must admit, just adds extra stress. We are not the same as many in our company. George's calling is to secular employment. They must understand that but don't. It is as if they think it is a sell out or something.
Fifteen minutes was up a while ago, but this was good to get it all down through the keyboard.