Venting Freewrite

I did it! I disengaged from something that I had considered disengaging from many months ago. I was going to slowly creep away with my tail between my legs, but verbalizing it to a friend this morning made me realize that I needed to just cut the cord. The situation is a waste of my time, unhealthy, keeps me away from what I am more passionate about, and causes me to have to feel lousy for a few days after I have left.  So, I disengaged!


YAY! I feel like it was a brave thing, but I feel nervous about the repercussions and questions that will follow. 


I also had a very rude encounter with someone today. A stereotypical "mean girl"!  I know she was a really popular mean girl in high school. When she was so rude, her friends looked at her in shock. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they didn't agree with her little tirade (very little really, and I couldn't hear most of it because she had gone out the glass doors of the gym and was obviously telling them her choice words about me). It was almost comical, and I thought, "Really, seriously?"  But I had to get back to the task at hand. So, I moved on. 


Mean girl. Bully. I asked her politely to please be quieter because I couldn't hear the person on the other end of my phone and had to wait quite some time for her to move on out of the hallway. I had my lap covered with materials, and I was needing to write down a number, but she thought I should take all my materials outside and try to write while standing up rather than her being a little quieter (yelling across the hallway to people quite a ways down the hall). I had waited for quite some time. I guess I could have moved all my materials out of the room to outside but no one would have had to move if she had lowered her loud and booming voice. I wouldn't have been able to carry on a conversation with another person physically in front of me either. She needed to use her "inside voice" as I used to tell my children.

She started attacking me for the request, and I just was sort of in shock, and so were her friends. Oh well. As someone who can get loud myself at times, if someone asks me to quiet down, I just do. Case closed. I think she is one of those people who dominates her friends (I could tell by how they followed her sheepishly out the door) and probably her loved ones. I choose to feel compassion for her rather than anger. 


Shake it off. I took a shower (per Alicia's suggestion) because I felt slimed by her negativity, and her lack of politeness in social discourse left me flummoxed. She is part of that age group that George said, "Weren't disciplined as a child."  I know that age group. We worked with them in the mid to late 80's in the college group. Tough cookies. 


I didn't get accomplished what I wanted to get accomplished on the phone anyway. I should have just come home and tried to work on it from there. As it is, I found no resolution and must suffer through the day with a pulled muscle in my back (not out, just pulled with makes me very functional but a little out of sorts). I would rest, but I cannot. I am in charge of bringing the lunch for Heba's Graduate Committee before her dissertation. I think helping her with the groceries on Tuesday is what did this to me in the first place. I had to reach for one of her bag far away from me, and that did me in. I should have know better.

So, I went to Pilates hoping to get it loosened up, and it does feel better. I did moist heat and took a muscle relaxant. Then, I got home to the kids saying that maybe they can take the car to school, but I need to car for picking up the pizzas. Paul couldn't find his wallet. He couldn't print his paper and would have to do it at school for money instead. He was on the verge of missing his bus. Dr. Hopkin's office was calling for payment for my implant next week (why didn't they just let me pay for it when I was in the office? They do things so WEIRD in that office, but this is the third thing I have had to deal with them on. What is also weird is they have you pay all this money up front only to send you a check for some of the money. What happened to waiting until all the bills and insurance pay and then paying the amount owed. That is how most offices do it. They have REALLY bad office management, but I have learned to just roll with it after Michael's implant surgery when they forgot to get the preauthorization and expected me to pay the FULL AMOUNT without a pre-authorization. I just rescheduled, but I digress . . . ).


I am also evaluating my summer. What should be do? Should I go to Washington D.C. with Heba only to turn around to go with our family eight weeks later when we go to Micah's wedding? Should we skip Micah's wedding and just go to the reception in August? Should I go with Heba and then go to California, see Samira, and then go to my class reunion instead? I am so confused, and I think I just need to wait until after today to make any kind of decision. I am not in a great space after getting slimed. 


So, I have vented. I need some focus right now because I am leaving for the big afternoon in 1 1/2 hours. YIKES!