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Monday Musings

Well-Watered Soul/Well-Adjusted Heart

These two are so inexorably combined that I cannot separate the two. So, I will do these together from now on. The music from this song is gently playing in the background:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It really is well with my soul after almost two weeks of not doing very well. 

Part of it was I realized I had said, "Yes" too much, and the "No's" I had said were challenged, or I perceived a challenge. Death, nausea, tiredness, deadlines, pressure, complaining where all pressing on me too much. I needed to disengage for a while to get perspective. Honestly, the biggest turning point was going on a walk with Nancy on Friday afternoon. I managed to keep it together at different points along the journey, but I realized how very alone I felt. I am not a very dependent person, but the one local person that I do go to just doesn't have the capacity at this stage in her journey, and I do NOT begrudge that, but where am I to go. I tried it with the dear little 25 year old, but I realized it wasn't fair to her or to me. She doesn't have the whole picture of life yet to see where I am coming from. Does not have the balancing act of husband and children. She is so sweet, but she is limited in what she can really understand or hear my heart. Plus, she is a personality type that I often don't feel heard. My "go to" people are those who are similar to my own type. They "get it" because they understand how hard we work at everything we do.  It is even hard to explain here, but I felt "heard" by Nancy on the walk on Friday afternoon. I felt heard by Debbie and Carol too, but they are not local, and I realized that I needed local, face to face being heard. 

I do have one friend  who has heard me on occasion, but she has had so much on her plate, and she doesn't really have anyone to listen and care. So, even when I left from my walk with George with many tears and decided to go to lunch by myself, she called an dumped on me during my private, relaxing lunch. I can go into that mode of listening, but I also steered the conversation away from all of that.

 Then, God had providentially given me a massage because I needed one when Dr. Koen couldn't see me (and I was sitting trying to schedule an appointment when that SNOTTY runner and her friends walked by me at Timberhill. That was another difficult thing that happened that I had forgotten about!), but I couldn't get a hold of this person and eventually saw Dr. Koen. Then, the girl called back last Wednesday, and I thought, "Well, I have no pain, but it might be good to see if she is good for future reference, and she was the BEST message I have ever had, and it was so perfectly timed with my very teary day. 

Then, my mother-in-law came to town, and we dropped everything to go to the Farmer's Market, look at rhododendrons on the OSU campus, go to a Mexican fiesta with free food and entertainment (totally unplanned surprise), dessert at Applebee's, movie with Teala and mom, and more talking at home. The perfect day that I would not have picked had I not had to. 

I did work that day, but the marriage devotional on Colossians 6 really was helpful and lovely.  I probalby took me seven hours on Saturday and Sunday and was one of the things on my "stress plate" but it helped. 

Also, somewhere in the blur of last week, I filled out all the paper work for Beyond Lebanon High School for Paul (I think while the men were on a walk), sat down with George to pound out a schedule for our summer trip, bought tickets with our reward points, put our names into Peter DeFazio's office for congressional aide tours, and made contact with my relatives in Pennsylvania! GREAT to get things off the PLATE! I had to disappoint Heba in the process, but I am OK with that. 

So, now I sit with the boys and George gone earlier than usual because of their dental appointments, and I am going to go for a walk, prep for the retreat on Friday/Saturday, and read Bruchko. No meeting with Stacy I. until AFTER my bible study and kingdom community wrap up. YAY!

I am back to balance. But I have had to realize that I need to seek out face to face friend time with people my own age and outwardly focused. 

Well-Educated Mind

This is part of my balance, and I haven't been going forward in it. It isn't just one more thing to do for me. It takes me to a different dimension in my mind and relieves stress and makes me think of things that affect my soul and heart! I have to write about this someday, but last week did not include as much of this dimension for my taste, and I have to have it and fight for it in my life or else I am back in Bellevue, WA wondering who I had become and on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

To say I am a life-long learner and value that is an understatement. Continuing to learn helps me to continue to develop as a whole person. So, last week was a bust on that. I eked out a short audiobook and a bit of Hemingway, but I need to keep pressing on my list. Keep moving forward.

Well-Tuned Strength

Another dimension of the balancing act. I cannot say that I have necessarily neglected it lately, but I had to rest after surgery on some of the most gorgeous days, and I haven't walked as much as I would like (primarily because I haven't done the audiobook thing very much lately), and that always gives me wonderful perspective. That is why walking out in the sunshine with Nancy on Friday and  with mother in law on Saturday was so special. Sunshine and Sweat are necessary for all of us..

Again, this is part of my balance
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