I like the Reimagining the Examen app. It has different subjects to pray through and examine. Today, it was on "a relationship," bringing that relationship before God, examining your feelings about the relationship, what God wants to tell you about it, talking to God about your hopes and desires for the relationship. I had a very good time, and God reminded me of Ps 131:1-3:
O LORD, my heart is not proud,
Nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,
Or in things too difficult for me.
Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.
O Israel (Carol), hope in the LORD
From this time forth and forever.
So much of life and relationships is putting hope in God rather than the other person. It is also about walking humbly with God when we are in relationships that are difficult. We can have desires and dreams for that relationship, but we cannot pin our hopes on it. In this particular relationship, I really have composed and quieted my soul. It is interesting because I thought about another relationship, where several years ago, I had to let it go. That person was too difficult for me. There was no conflict, but that person was a complicated person. I delegated relating to that person to my husband, and he even thought the person way too complicated, and he gets along with everyone. This validated what had been unspoken for almost twenty years. Some people are just so complicated, and the issues are so deep, that it is not about you. So with this other relationship. As much as I have desires that it would be better (there is not even any conflict - just a desire to not engage), I think it is a matter too difficult for me. Mental illness is not something to touch because one inevitably gets burned. So I have left it in his hands.
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