Friday Freewrite Fifteen

I had to set my Alexa timer twice because she heard me say 50 minutes instead of 15. So, here I go.

I know I have not been doing as many freewrites because of my "first thing in the morning" daily Morning Pages. That is three notebook-size paper pages every morning first thing (or at least after I make my chai). That has been so helpful for me. But my freewrite habit (I think it has been between 20 and 25 years since I have been freewriting) has not been as consistent. Basically Morning Pages are a freewrite on steroids. :) It usually takes me about 35-40 minutes. Since I finished the book that Julia Cameron has on the market, I decided to save trees by writing my Morning Pages on my Kindle Scribe (have I ever written how much I LOVE that thing - I find it much easier to write on than the ReMarkable - I got the ReMarkable - twice as much money - but it just didn't write like paper. So George got me a Scribe for Christmas, and I find it much more like writing on paper). I do six pages on that thing which is about 90 words less than three notebook-sized pages. 

I am excited because there is someone I have been in meetings with, and God laid on my heart to pray some specific things for that person.  I was in another meeting with them, and they said God had spoken to them two days prior about the exact thing I had been praying about. How is that for an awesome God? I love how he always connects the dots for us. Continuing to pray for them. They are uber-capable and talented. They are just young.

I had my Campfire yesterday, and I was a bit embarrassed by all the affirmation I got from people in the group. I was not sure how to respond. They were very sweet affirmations, and I am very grateful for it. It was just embarrassing, and I wanted to move on. They are such a special group. I really love them all.

I also really love all the directees I am meeting with this year. Some are temporary because they are just meeting with me while they are in training for direction, in the 2HC, doing the Exercises, or taking the Primer for Spiritual Formation with Sustainable Faith (which I have heard is excellent, by the way. Sustainable Faith really has so much to offer. I will link it after this freewrite).

I also really like the people I "collaborate" with these days. I always get to the collaboration station in the 2nd Half Collaborative and think "I am not collaborating with anybody." Then I start thinking more deeply about it, and I am! One is with the 2nd Half Collaborative! LOL! I am not part of the leadership team, but that is OK. I am just leading a Campfire group, doing direction with one of the participants, and helping out with the three retreats, but that is OK that I am not invited to collaborate with the leadership. I like what I do.

I also love collaborating with Marty and Sandy in this Sustainable Faith Training Cohort. I will not continue with Sustainable Faith after this (there was a miscommunication, and they are not taking on new trainers), but I am grateful for the experience of collaborating with them with this great group of 13 future spiritual directors. They are a fabulous group of people from all walks of life. I feel so privileged to be a part of (which reminds me - I need to do the affirmations and send them back to Marty - I wonder when the deadline is - I am not good at taking in mail and doing something about it - I don't even know where those cards are - hopeless - one of my directees - who is also a spiritual director said, "Carol, I am not good at all the administration stuff that comes with spiritual direction, but I think I am better than you." LOL! It is so true, and it does not hurt my feelings to have her say that, at all.)

Today is pretty open. Because of my back, I had to reschedule a directee for today at 2 pm, but I don't have anything until I go to teach my Pilates class at 10:30. I will stay for Cardio Dance and get back at 1:30 in time to shower for my directee appointment. Then, if I am still up for it, I will go for a walk with a friend who is struggling. Then, it is a FREE FAMILY WEEKEND. Michael is coming home. We may do sushi as we all love that.

It should be 15 minutes by now, but I will keep typing. OH, THERE IT IS. It is so weird how I know when 15 minutes is up. 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Back in the Pilates Saddle 

Whew! What a whirlwind week it has been. Busier than usual, but manageable. This is the first day that I don't have something early in the morning. So, I am taking time to do a Friday Freewrite Fifteen. Since I journal these "Morning Pages," it has not happened as much, and I see that I attempted one the end of March, but I never finished.

I miss these, but the "Morning Pages" have been really good, and I will finish them on Sunday morning! 252 pages of journaling since January 1st, three pages a day (but sometimes I did not do three). It took me 30-40 minutes each day, and I really loved it. There really is something about journaling that helps. It is brain science. 

I realized that Christmas to Easter was full, and now I can breathe. I was not overly busy, but it was full because Joanne, Micah, and Bri were back, alumni weekend, going to Southeast Asia, getting COVID, guiding two people through the Exercises, helping with Marty and Sandy's Cohort 8. All very good things, but I see the horizon ahead has much less in my schedule, and for that, I am very grateful.

I am doing well with the Lord. Hey, I should schedule something with Fran. I was not always good to meet with her. I think I met with her nine times in 2023. So, that isn't too bad (every six weeks or so), but I want to meet with her every month. Part of it is all the traveling she has done, and I also meet periodically with Cammie and Sister Joan. So that plays into it. Sister Joan was so excited that I came to visit her last time, and I really want to go again and visit her. 

I think I will visit a spiritual director when I am in the Trappist Abbey too. I have already paid for two nights June 10-12, and I am going to just book it every three months if I can (except the December time away because I do my Day of Prayer with Teala, and it is too muddy to hike up the hills there - I went there in January once and came back covered in mud after a hike. I suppose I could not hike, but it is easier to just walk around here and do my traditional walk around the Oregon State University campus. 

By the way, I am so glad I am "back in the Pilates Saddle"! It has been so good to move my body more by riding my bike there and back and doing a full 50 minutes of exercise that I usually skimp on because I do that when I do it by myself! 

I unsure if I can teach in the summer though. We are on a trip from July 6 to July 20. Then it is my anniversary and birthday week the 21st and 27th. So, we will see. I wish I could just job share with Sarah. Maybe I will approach her about that because the fall might be crazy if we decide to go to Amsterdam and possibly Spain for more of the Camino! We will see!

Oh, what a great day it is going to be. Oh, by the way, I have lost about 20 pounds. I have been recording for 84 days now! I have only had a few days that I have gone over my goal. So, it has been about 20. I am unsure where I started pounds-wise because I did not want to go by the scale. I want to feel where my body is at because the other way I don't feel when I am gaining weight. My clothes always fit. That is what happens when you are tall. I don't notice when I gain. And for sure, others don't notice when I lose. Most people don't notice until it is 30 pounds, and I don't need to lose that much. We will see. I am just waiting to see how comfortable my hiking pants and fancy black dress are on me.

TTFN and TGIF! 

Freewrite Friday: Contemplating JOY

From: https://www.sparklesofsunshine.com/beauty-for-ashes-free-printable/

I went into a Centering Prayer time with Meditation Chapel this morning for a 25-minute sit. I want to sit twice a day this spring. I don't want to be legalistic about it, but I am reading this book, Practicing the Pause: Jesus Contemplative Practice, New Brain Science, and What it Means to be Fully Human, and reading about her excellent explanations of brain Science combined with contemplative practices and how this relates to Centering Prayer and Thomas Keating's explanation of "Emotional Programs for Happiness" are pretty concise and brilliant. I am also combining it with what I have been learning from Michael Sullivant in the course I took last summer called The Other Half of Church and the current one I am almost done with going through the book Renovated. Then thinking about Michael talking about how our amygdala leaks joy from past trauma and even current things happening. That's why the "Activating Joy" exercise has been so powerful with people and myself. I think this overlaps with the "Golden Moments" that he purports, but the Life Model Works people don't really know about Contemplative Practices that much and how people have been doing these things for centuries. 

I am still figuring that all out, but today, my mind did wander during Centering Prayer (I let go of the thought, but I am coming back to it now in this freewrite), and this verse came to mind:

He gives beauty for ashes

The oil of JOY for mourning

A garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness

That we might be trees of righteousness

A planting for the Lord

That He might be glorified. 

(I am more going by the words of the song from the 70s - I will look up the actual verse after this freewrite.) 

Here is the actual verse in the NIV that is closest to the song above:

    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61:3)

I am thinking about the "Activating Joy" exercise, and how many of my joyful moments and "Golden Memories" were encounters with BEAUTY. There is something about seeing a sunset, looking out over a lake, or seeing the moon on the water that brings me into raptures of JOY.

I think about the OIL OF JOY for mourning and think about how Michael talks about how our amygdala "leaks joy" and how we can pour joy into it by recalling memories of joy.

Then at the end of the time of Centering, she read this Mary Oliver poem (the beginning is commentary from the blog I found it on that I will link after I am done with this freewrite.):

In this one, the poet seems to acknowledge that it is often hard to simply live in and enjoy the moment, perhaps because we are afraid it can't last. She urges us to give in to that moment and fully experience the joy. Although "much can never be redeemed, still, life has some possibility left."

Don't Hesitate

by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

From this blog: https://www.thenatureofthings.blog/2021/09/poetry-sunday-dont-hesitate-by-mary.html

It is about living into the joy of the present moment, giving into it, and I think that this is valid and goes with the brain science and how God wired us. He wants to give us joy. 

It also relates to the Order of the Mustard Seed Prayer Watch I was just in, and how we talked about Sabbath, and how the Pharisees condemned Jesus, and I think there was joy in His life that they wanted to squelch and squeeze out.

I am done and must get up! 

BYE.

Freewrite Friday

I know I put this quote at the beginning of my last Freewrite, but I put it in "Quote Fancy," and I like this picture that I could download. 

Being a reservoir is so important! This week was a good reservoir week for me. I had a lot less outpouring. There has been a lot of outpouring lately. Still have lots of good, rich time with God, but this week, I had even more because my load of directees was low, and I had no groups to lead or teaching groups to do. 

It was lovely. I spent time dreaming about our vacation in July. I taught the Instinctual Variants last week twice, and I think it is very good because I always evaluate how much my Social Instinct is "running wild." I don't think I had run wild to a neurotic degree, but I have had lots of social, and the last "social" was hosting J's sharing about her time in Iraq. It was many hours of preparation and hosting from 3-8. I was tired on Monday, and it was just the conclusion of a very long string of things that were more social in nature. It was very rich and wonderful but social, nonetheless.

I was so glad to have the whole week to recover including not going to Perspectives to hear someone speak whom I know. I just was still recovering, and I had gone to NWHill to support S as they had International Women's Day. So, that was about all I was going to do socially this week. So, I spent more time in my Sexual instinct this week dreaming of our vacation. It was really healthy for me to get out of my "work" on the computer. There are many projects that I see in the future

• Preparing my Body and Soul Spiritual Formation and Direction Training Curriculum
• Updating the "Enneagram and Presence" PowerPoints and accompanying handouts.
• Preparing to lead my next Supervision Group
• Finding the Enneagram/MBTI Correlation Handout

However, I felt it was important not to work more than meeting with the directees I had (1-2 a day) and planning the excursions we would take while we are on our 12-day trip. There was one trip - I cannot remember which one - where I had no time to dream and plan beforehand (maybe the North Cascades?).

I also had fun watching the OSU/Colorado Women's Basketball game yesterday that went into double overtime! Very exciting, and I didn't get too nervous.

So, today, I am going to bike to work, teach Pilates, go to Cardio Dance, and come back for a very quiet weekend. I will do art with George on Saturday morning, church on Sunday morning, and group on Sunday afternoon (with the possibility of watching the Oscars if group does not meet).

So, there you go. I have 1:57 to go on the timer. Then I will go to more planning, I think. 

I have a nice day planned. Oh, I also got in to see Dr. Myers this week, and I was late to cancel with Dr. Weigel, but he graciously forgave that. That was such a nice blessing!

Well, TTFN. TGIF!

Freewrite

Here I go for fifteen minutes. I did not do the fifteen-minute freewrite Friday as I thought. And I totally missed this last Friday. So, I am doing it on Monday. 

Now that I am doing Morning Pages (The Artist's Way practice of three notebook-sized pages, handwritten, first thing in the morning), I don't do as many freewrites here, but I am still wanting to do it on Friday. I like typing. It is somehow very soothing for me.

This morning was good. I had Morning Pages, and the theme was about abundance. The whole thought is that God supplies an abundance for all. 

I thought about the verse. I think it is Psalm 66:12: "We went through fire and through water, but you have brought us out to a place of abundance." Another version says "well-watered place" which goes along with the whole theme of this blog that I have had for so many years. The "Well-Watered Soul." That is what I want. It also goes along with all the videos that Nancy has sent me over the years of the spring behind her house that is always pouring out water, even in the heat of summer. It never dries up, and that is our God. She calls it "Carol's spring," but it is God's spring that He has me tapping into. It is all good.

So, the theme of morning pages was about pouring out for the benefit of others and pouring out for the benefit of your own soul, and it makes me think of that Clairvaux quote. I will put it at the top of this whole freewrite. It is about being a RESERVOIR versus being a CHANNEL. Thankful to fill the reservoir from that ever-flowing stream these days.

After morning pages and meditation in Psalm 66:12, I got the house all ready for Valentina and Pieter. That took some time. I hoped to have some Centering Prayer time with my directee, but I did it with her because she had never done it before. 

Interesting that the women that I supervise through this one particular spiritual direction training program were NEVER exposed to Centering Prayer. So sad. It is so helpful, and the women I supervise are eating it up. :)

So, here I am with you God. After I had time with my directee (making a decision about whether she should join a team or not), I got out of the house with the 49 minutes of sunshine that I was supposed to have until the third wave of rain came in. I went to the bank to deposit two checks, and it said my card had expired, but I got nothing in the mail. They discontinued my card because I had not used it for 10 months! She said that I had to use it once a month, but I know that it is NOT right. So, after her telling me about four times that it was once a month, I said, "Are you sure?" She asked her colleague, and he said, "It is every 10-11 months." So, there you go. I knew she was wrong, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was wrong. So, I just have to remember to use it. I use my debit card sparingly. And George gets us cash all the time, or my directees who pay me in cash keep me in cash. I prefer to use my credit card and earn miles. So, anyway. I got a new card right there on the spot.

Then I walked to Joanne's Fabrics and got a beginning acrylic paint kit. I had signed up for this class online, and it was discounted at 90% off, but then there were all these things you had to buy to do the class, and I thought, "Forget this - it is too complicated and a lot more expensive." I just want to do a weekly "artist's date" (part of the morning pages requirement). So, I thought that class would help, but it stressed me out. So, I asked for a refund and got it right away. 

So, now I have 10 sheets of paper, pains, and a beginner's guide for 8.99! I also could use my new card which is a tap card! So, that was really fun for me.

So, now the sun has come out again, and I might talk George into taking me on a date because it was a busy morning.

I also had K drop by to pick up a book, and Geo had taken it away from our porch thinking someone had dropped off a book. Why didn't he ask me? He does so much by his "gut" and can never explain his logic to me. It has helped me to understand that about a Type Nine!

Buzzer ringing! Bye.

Coming Away from Centering Prayer: Freewrite Fifteen

I will no doubt have another freewrite tomorrow, but I thought I would write for about 15 minutes on my day in Centering Prayer. I decided to have three 20-minute sits, and it has been so settling, so unbelievably good.

I don't know the ins and outs of that, but I think God delights when I pause and practice His presence. I find Centering Prayer a good way for me to do that. Touch points throughout the day to say, "Hi God, I want to look at you. I want to set aside to gaze at you in all Your beauty and glory." 

I cannot say I will do that tomorrow, but today, it was the thing I was led to do, and there is fruit from it. 

The "With God" life. His "presence is the point" as John would say. I'm hungry for it. 

I didn't stay for the first sit discussion. I just sat with many people in one of the Meditation Chapel rooms. It was lovely. Then I sat again and stayed for the discussion afterward. That was nice. Then, there is my OMS group that I help lead, but I was not leading today. Francesca read such a nice poem. 

So, Lent begins. Maybe I will give up other things to have more times like today. Sitting in God's presence. It doesn't mean that there won't be action from that contemplation. I met with a woman for the first time today, even though I have known her for about 12 years. It just worked out for us to meet one-on-one for spiritual direction. It was lovely. Then I meet with another I have been meeting with for the last eight months or so. I go into it with a stillness of heart, a steady understanding of the "with me/presence" that is centered in the soul rather than just in my head. That is nice. 

I've talked a lot about this practice in the last week. Meeting with experienced people for direction and supervision, two of the women were not introduced to it in their spiritual direction training. I wonder why? It was the first thing we were introduced to in mine. Thank you, Marty and Sandy - Contemplative Activists. Great trainers. Highly recommend them!

One said, it was after she left the people who did her training that she learned about it, and it has been life-changing for her. The other had never even heard of it, and we had a lovely talk about that. Both sponges! I love spongy people (I don't think that is a word, but I am going with it because this is just a freewrite). 

So, I like this long adventure of Centering Prayer that started in 2018 in earnest (having dabbled for quite some time). COVID helped as I found a group that could mentor me in the practice. So grateful. I have made some lovely friends in the process. Again, so grateful. 

So, there is my little diddy on Centering Prayer. Just felt like writing about it since I just came out of a sit with the wonderful OMS people! Love all the people I am with these days. Truly a gift. 

TTFN. 

FRIDAY FIFTEEN FREEWRITE

Alexa is set for fifteen minutes. This will be the third Friday in a row I am doing a Freewrite. WOOHOO!

Wow! What a week. I finally was able to be adjusted to the Pacific time zone. Just in time for my talk to spiritual directors in training about the Enneagram. I think it went well. I know that I feel like I was well-prepared, rested, and walking with Him through it. 

I tried to emphasize that it is not about knowing a number. It is about understanding your core fears that motivate you to alleviate that core fear, and how that can keep us from hearing God's voice and being with him and in His presence. 

It is about practicing the "pause" where we can S.T.O.P. and "See - Triggers - Open to - Presence." That is Clare Loughriges acronym, and I think it is really helpful. It is about "catching yourself in the acts" as my instructor, Russ Hudson, says!

So, I passed that on to one of my directees. I made a handout that explains this, along with breath prayers, and alliterative affirmations that help you step into your harmony of heart, head, and body. 

I think it was well-received, and the person who I thought maybe would be super skeptical gave me such a nice affirmation at the end. Totally unexpected and unsolicited. And more importantly: I didn't need it! I knew that I did what God had for me to do, and He is my audience of One. So, I am really grateful.

I am also grateful that it is done. I put a lot of time into it, and I am glad I will have it for my group when I start my own training. 

I also decided to take on another day of teaching. Teaching for Faculty Staff Fitness is SO MUCH less stressful. I don't have any outside work other than going to teach the class. I also can take fitness classes, and if I add another day, I can go to a weightlifting class that is not offered on the other day I teach. So, it will get me into better shape. I am so grateful.

I am also surprisingly enjoying leading the Order of the Mustard Seed Prayer Watch on Fridays. It doesn't seem like too much. I was going to do an Imaginative Contemplation in Jesus Healing the Demoniac, but at the last minute, I decided to change to Jesus' teaching about abiding in the Upper Room. That was really nice. It was so nice because one of the newer ladies came on early and was so glad it was just her because she wanted to thank me for Fridays and was really loving it. 

Again, nice to hear, but I didn't need to it. It is so great to become free of the approval of people. 

So, I actually finished a book today. So glad I have some actual bandwidth to read. 

Now, we are going out with M and her Mom since she is visiting. Middle Eastern food. YUM! It should be nice, but I have to go and decide what to wear! I took a shower after teaching and put my pajamas on. 

This weekend, all I have on the schedule is talking to Miss Debbie B at 10 am! This should be fun because we have not talked since before Christmas (I think). 

So much has happened since then. Next week is only two directees a day and no preparing for speaking. What on earth will I do with my time? LOL!

Well, off to Middle Eastern food. They make the best HUMMUS in town

Oh, and we are going to a Superbowl Party. WOOHOO! I love the people we are involved with. It is just a great group of people. They go all over the world, but they just happen to almost all be here for the Superbowl. Actually, next week, they will ALL be here because John and Katherine are coming up, and we are all having FAMILY TIME! I cannot wait. Love these people with all my heart.

TTFN! 

Fifteen Minutes Friday Freewrite

I am going to lead an Imaginative Contemplation in one hour from now. I volunteered to lead this Friday Prayer Watch before I knew that I would be going to Southeast Asia, and it has been tough to get up early. I always forget that it is much harder coming back from SEA than going there. I sleep in here when I get back, and it takes me a good two weeks before my body is calibrated to the change in 16 time zones; about a day for each hour. Two days ago, I woke up at 7:00 am for a 7:15 am spiritual direction session! I must remember if I do it again, I will only do spiritual direction sessions in the afternoon; which is true for most of next week. Actually, 9:00 am works too. 8:30 for a prayer watch cuts it for me because even though I wake up before then, I am used to getting up so early and having long and leisurely times with God at my desk. 

All that said, the time with the directee was nice. She is making a decision about whether she will stay in her location, and I am processing it all with her. 

Next week, I will have an early morning Tuesday Supervision Group, my first one post the organization I was doing it for. I didn't really mean to "strike out" on my own, but a group from that group asked me to supervise them, and I am going to do it for six months and then send them out on their own in a Peer Supervision way, and they will do just fine. 

I was asked to talk about spiritual mentoring at a church, but it is right at the end of a hectic three weeks back, and I think I will say, "No" to it. It also influences me that one of my friends won't be there to support me because she will be on vacation. I think I need to go on vacation! SEA was really not a vacation. George was at work all day, and sometimes, she was gone into the evening. Asians must not like to mix work with the employee's family because no one wanted me to come along for dinner. Sigh. I didn't mind, but we only had one day to "play" together on Sunday in Penang. So, it would be nice to go on a mini-vacation with George or even with our kids (so happy they love to go on vacation with us even though they are adults). 

Which brings me to what we might be doing during Spring Break. I teach on the 15th. Thankfully, I don't have to do a "makeup" class on Finals week because that was the first day back after the snow storm (and my first day back after flying back from SEA). So, my last day will be the 15th of March. We had originally signed up to go to Northern Cyprus for a huge prayer conference, but now we are wondering if we should go now that we know M is not going, and none of the rest of the gang even signed up (except M and B, but they will already be in the region). I was so sure we would go when we originally signed up, but now, I cannot imagine getting on another plane. We love the flight from PDX to Amsterdam because it is a direct 10-hour flight which is never the same as flying 15-16 hours across the Pacific Ocean. I like the flight over because you leave in the afternoon from PDX so you don't have to fight the morning or evening traffic to get there. Then you wake up in AMS at 8:05 am. We could get a local flight, but already, the extra legroom flight is astronomically priced! 

Oh that is fifteen minutes, and I need to get to "Jesus Calms the Storm" Imaginative Contemplation. 

Saturday Sixteen: COVID Edition

I have my Alexa timer going, and at first, it said it was setting a 1 hour timer. Noooooo!

So, I brought a present back from Southeast Asia: COVID. George cannot get this from me. He has meetings all next week with the Southeast Asians who are coming here. So, I am quarantining and took some Ivermectrin (sp?). That should help. 

It is more like a bad cold, but I have not had a cold for about 14 years (give or take a year or two) because I remember I didn't get a cold the whole time I was at OSU, and I started there in 2015, and I think it had been five years before that that I had ever had a cold. So that would be 9 + 5 = 14. I think.

So, I am resting in bed, and I feel better already. It is very unusual that anything would keep me up at night, and this kept me up last night. But I thought maybe that was due to the jet lag and 16 hour time change.

As it was, I slept from 11-12:30, up from 12:30-3:00 and slept from 3-8. George got up at 5, and he was gone shopping by the time I rolled out of bed. It is great that we have nothing going on this weekend, except I was hoping to celebrate Michael's birthday as it is this coming Wednesday, and he will be in Salem. 

I think the quarantine requirement for OSU is five days. So, my symptoms really came on this morning at midnight. So I have until Thursday at midnight to quarantine. I don't mind quarantining because I am such an introvert. I have some movies that have piled up. So I should be good with all of that. 

I am also so glad I did most of the work for the Enneagram teaching while I was in Southeast Asia while I was healthy and had nothing else to do. Praise God I brought my computer. So, I just have a little bit of tweaking on the second teaching, and I will be done. I might even practice it while I lay here in bed.

Yesterday was so fun. I taught my class. I was socially distanced from my people in the class. So that is good in case I was contagious then. Then I did Cardio Dance, and the only person I was remotely close to was Dee, but I wasn't that close to her. There was no hug. Just cardio dancing. 

So, I should be good to go as far as teaching again at OSU next Friday. 

I am not feeling very well though. Just saying. This time, it really has symptoms. I know I didn't get the booster for the latest variant. Two boosters were enough for me, and I did not like the way I felt after the last one: faint. In fact, I did faint. I have gotten very lightheaded since that last booster. 

On another front, I led a Prayer Watch with Blind Bartimaeus, and I think it was received pretty well. I love doing Imaginative Contemplations with people. One woman dropped out, and I don't know why. She is sort of a cold fish in my interactions with her online. I am not sure why. I met her once in person, and I thought we had a very pleasant interaction. Since then, she has been pretty cold toward me, but that might just be my Type Two paranoia. LOL! 

It has been good to review the Enneagram stuff and see how much I have grown and am more aware of that Type Two paranoia, assuming rejection when there is none. That has been huge for me to let go of that, and I have let go of that person leaving the room. I know I have to leave the room sometimes when it is going over, or I have an appointment that is right after it, and I need to have a potty break. So, I will assume no rejection. I will "let go" as the Welcoming Prayer encourages me to do. 

I was thinking about the people that I interacted with in the Meditation Chapel while I was overseas, and they were all good except one. I must remember which one that was, but I think it was at a time when I could not do it here in the States. 

Also, I have been doing my Morning Pages very consistently, and it has been so good for me to journal my thoughts first thing in the morning. One thing I need to do is have a Creativity Date with myself. I am counting the PowerPoints that I did while in Singapore and Malaysia as my Creativity Dates for the first two weeks of January because I did Quote Fancy pictures and words. I love doing that.

Timer going. Bye. 

Freewrite Friday Fifteen

I really am only going to freewrite for FIFTEEN minutes like it is suggested for Freewrites. Oh, need to adjust my keyboard down. I have it on top of the box that used to hold my printer, but I moved my printer into my office to be able to see it better. It was too low to the ground on this box, but this box is perfect for my computer to sit on while I am having Spiritual Direction sessions and leading prayer watches and silent prayer. I just led a prayer watch for the first time in a long time. I substituted for Jared in September, and before that, it had been quite a while. Moving the computer (too high on the box to type).

Better for typing. Anywho. Scott asked me to lead a prayer watch for the first time in a while. I had to stop when I was preparing for the Camino because I had to walk in the cool of the morning and 8:30 cut into my training time. So I stopped the 8:30 watch. 

How I would love to have some feedback about the Watch. Two of the women dropped out during the contemplation, and I don't know why. They are both people I have met in person. I just want feedback. Contemplations can be hard for some people. I have two directees right now who really struggle with them while doing the Exercises. I love them. It is just how my brain works.

I feel pretty good for having just gotten off a plane less than 24 hours ago. I slept from 10-6 am, and I could have slept longer, but eight hours for me is great. I slept two on the plane, and napped for two hours in the late afternoon when I got home. So that is a total of 12 hours over the two days. That meets my six hours per night (If you are reading this blog for the first time. Here is a fun fact about me. I ONLY need six hours - 97-99% of the world needs 7-9 hours, but I am the remaining percentage who have a special gene that only needs six!) 

Anywho, I think I am all caught up on my sleep. Now it is just a matter of realigning my time zone. I think that will be fairly easy as I already have a 3am-9pm life here. So, my adjustment is only 12 hours as opposed to 16 that most have to adjust. I should be back to normal in about 11 days. So, by the end of the month. That will be in time for my Enneagram training. 

Boy, this is a LOT of work, but I will have it all ready for when I do the Enneagram unit for the training that I will do in the fall for directors. 

I am of the mind that if there are not enough people, I will not do it and be just fine with that. I am willing to go with three people, but ideally, it would be best with six.

Interesting that I had someone in the watch who did not think her desires were God's desires. That it is not "OK" to have wants and needs. I think this is why this person is so depressed all the time. YES, we want our desires to be God's desires! I think God will give you those as we are walking with Him. There was some twisted thinking in the prayer. It made me sad because this person really struggles with depression. My desire is for that person to have a concept of God that is accurate. He is not this stingy God that makes you "guess" what His desires are. He WILL put those desires in your heart. It is hard for me to explain, but I believe if we are delighting ourselves in Him, those wants and desires will just be there. (I also think that person is in the IDEALIST category.)

I think this year is going to be the year of lots of journaling. I am really enjoying my "Morning Pages." I journaled three pages this morning (because I am not an idealist, I am doing two most days even though that is not the "ideal"). 

I am off to lead a Pilates class. This is the beginning of my "get back in Pilates shape" goal and "get my weight back down" goal. I have just not been very disciplined in eating and strength training. I have been great at cardio (as my watch tells me I have the cardio fitness of a fit 30-something), but not strength and weight. Self-care in these areas is part of my 2024.

I think the bell is going to go off very soon. SO TTFN. Off to Pilates. George will take me so I can bring my mat to put in my new locker. I cannot believe I am going back to teaching. I am crazy for doing this.)

Home Sweet Home Fifteen

We had to walk very fast through the airport in San Francisco. We might not have made our flight if it were not for 

1) Global Entry Card - We were through Immigration in about 4 minutes (the lines were long in the general line)

2) TSA Pre-Check - Part of the perk of having a Global Entry Card. 

3) Our flight from Singapore to San Francisco arrived 15 minutes early. 

Without those three, we would not have made the connecting flight. 

There was a bug-a-boo in that George's bag came through the baggage claim quickly. Mine on the other hand came fifteen minutes later!

So, that was the thing I was most nervous about.

But it went so well. George said he had a hard time keeping up with me through the SFO airport. I just didn't want to have to wait 9 hours for the next flight which would have most likely been full because all the flights had been canceled for five days. So yay.

We got home at about 1 pm, and this is the last day of me eating too much before I start my 2024 journey back to my weight of 2013. It crept back up, and I wanted to wait until after this vacation. 

I had a little nap when we got back for about 2 hours. So, now I am trying to stay up until 10 pm. 

I even had a class on the book Renovated with Michael S.  I stayed awake.

Now I am watching the Golden Globes because I recorded it but couldn't watch it outside the US (I wonder if I could have on the Wifi on the plane?). I love to see people win awards. I am so happy that Oppenheimer is winning so much! I was such Robert Downey, Jr. would win. So well-deserved. 

So, I think this is it. I am going to bed in 15 minutes. 

Morning Pages for Forty Freewrite

Malaysia in the Morning

I liked blogging so much yesterday rather than writing in my journal for my morning pages. So, I will do it again here. Not as much to say though because I pretty much gave the rundown of what had been happening from January 6-15th. (It is the 16th now. So it was 6-14th for the USA.) So, there isn't very much more to tell.

George had his last talk yesterday, and he connected with his colleagues, and they gave him a bunch of food gifts. So, he has no room in his luggage, but I have a lot of food. I packed very lightly for this trip because I wasn't going to be going anywhere formal. I just had a skirt and three colored tops, black, pink, and royal blue, to go with that and the black loose-fitting yoga pants that I wore on the plane for at-night things if it was casual. Then I had a pair of shorts, a skort, and four T-shirts for walks and exercise. 

I never wore the mid-calf and long dresses I brought. I also had a sleeveless flowered shirt that I never wore either. 

So, I have lots of space and am carrying all of the goodies he brought. I will just have my backpack with medications and heat wrap, but I have not needed them because my back hasn't given me a stick of a problem - THANK YOU DR LENHOFF, and the wonders of PROLOTHERAPY - no issues since my last treatment on October 13.  

I will also carry The Great Divorce and hope to read it. I need to remember to have my Kindle books downloaded onto my phone. I didn't do that before I left. I did not bring the physical copy of one of my Enneagram books because I hoped to be more lightweight and read it on my Kindle app. Lesson learned to make sure I do that before we leave in about 24 hours.

What are my thoughts about Malaysia 25 years after we left to go back to America in 1999? We were back twice since then, once with the boys in 2001, when George gave a talk at the International Union of Forest Research Organizations (both for himself and his coworker who could not go). And once in 2008 when we were on our way to Brunei with Ed and Brian. Oh, I think we brought Mike and Vangi to check it out. 

Random thoughts: people don't wear Baju Karongs anymore. Everyone wore them all the time back then. Now, they wear pants and long-sleeved shirts that cover their bottoms. I miss the sea of color of the Baju Karongs though.

Penang is so unusual. I met with Cassity, she has lived here since 2018. It is so non-walkable. I know I said that yesterday (I think), but Cassity said it isn't walkable. I have been to many other places in Malaysia, and it is very walkable. There are crosswalks. Basically, you risk your life, or you hire a taxi to even get to the other side of the road. How is that ridiculous? We needed cash to go out to eat on Monday, and we asked about a cash machine. She said, "Oh, we have one right here at the convention center!" It did not work. So, she said, "Oh there is one across the street, but there is no way to cross the road, and it is very dangerous." I have to laugh about that. I was hoping to take walks while George was at work and explore neighborhoods, but you cannot get to the neighborhoods. 

Singapore, on the other hand, was super walkable. I loved my walk to the Botanical Gardens through neighborhoods. Even when I was on a busy street, it was very walkable with an actual traffic light and crosswalk to cross the busy street to get to the Nassim Gate of the Gardens. 

Kuala Lumpur is like that too. I never had a problem walking there.

What is nice is that there is a nice big place to walk behind the hotel. So, I have walked that ever morning we have been here. 

All that said, yesterday turned out to be a big work day for me. I got all the handouts done for my Enneagram teaching on February 6th and 7th. Now I just need to spruce up the second PowerPoint. (I will ask Marty and Sandy what they want out of time before I go full in on that.) I have tools for them to utilize for their personal growth and for helping their directees grow. So, I was pretty focused on that all day until Cassity came for a short time of tea. I wanted to do the Thai Tea for Two, but she didn't have enough time before her doctor's appointment. So I treated her to Kambucha and a potato pastry. 

(I will put a picture in here when I get it from Cassity.) 

She is a friend of a friend. So I don't know her well, but we have a lot in common and mutual friends. So it was nice chatting with her. 

After that, I went back to work, and that was very nice. 

Then George came back to the hotel, and we went to Uncle Ray's Grill. We had to cross the street, but it was a quieter street with a roundabout in the middle to break up the mad dash between cars. So it was doable. It was really, really good food. George had a burger (he has been eating a lot of Asian with his colleagues), and I had delicious chicken carbonara. Who knew? And only $10 total! Wow!

Then, we came back, and I worked a bit more and then we were in bed by 9:30. I dreamed I met Marie Osmond (?). Then I woke up at 4 am, but the lights were out on the convention center. Usually, the colorful lights are on all night. Then, I watched the ladies exercise in front of the big ball. Today they had PINK shirts on (other days were blue and white). George went down to breakfast. I had Centering Prayer with my London nuns and company and also Examen with the OMS people. Then George and I went for a walk around the garden (again) watching the ladies move. So cute. 

We have been in our room and taking a long time to pack. George did it all last night and has no room in his bag. 

George had a driver that wanted to take us to the airport. So, we booked him instead of using GRAB. He has taken George two other times, and George wants me to meet him. 

That is one thing that has not changed about Malaysia. The Malay are SO FRIENDLY. Just lovely people in every way. We are bonded to them for life. It has been good to be back. It is very comfortable and familiar, and I will never regret living here for two years. We wanted to live here longer, but it was not to be. God is sovereign. We have bloomed where have been planted. I am grateful. 

Well, this is not going to be the Morning Pages of forty minutes. More like 30 minutes. It might meet the required number of pages because I type a whole lot faster than I can write. :) 

Oh, by the way, we have totally missed a massive snow storm back in the Pacific Northwest. Paul has had to walk to work every day since Saturday because the roads are so slick. OSU has been since Friday, and it will reopen at noon on Wednesday. We really missed it! 

Southeast Asian Seventy Seven Freewrite

Usually, I do a fifteen-minute freewrite, but I have been doing "Morning Pages" a la the book The Artist's Way, and she advocates handwriting three full notebook pages daily. I was doing that for the first six days of the new year. Then we went on a plane to Singapore and now Penang, Malaysia, and I have been writing my morning pages in a small, lightweight journal. Well, I am tired of this. So, I am going to just type (a big no-no in The Artist's Way book, but I am in the mood for a long blog write to document our epic adventure in a "freewrite" type of way) for forty minutes which is about the amount of time it takes me to write Morning Pages in the journal. I will go back to handwriting, but here goes.

We left Eugene, Oregon on the afternoon of January 6th, Epiphany in the sky! It was so nice that George's travel agent booked a flight out of Eugene because that airport is smaller and less stressful in every way! It is also closer, and we don't have to fight the Portland traffic to get there. The reason why George had a travel agent is because we are here for Hewlett-Packard business. So, we booked my tickets to coincide with his. 

So, we couldn't sit together, but he was kind enough to give me his window seat, and I sat next to the most delightful 20-something who was so curious about what I do, "What is spiritual direction?" she asked, and then I found out that she is a follower of Jesus, and we talked non-stop on our trip from Eugene to Portland. She is a Stanford student from Bandon, Oregon, and you can probably guess that not too many people from Bandon, Oregon go to Stanford. She is brilliant and beautiful, and we are now Instagram friends. :) Delightful and joyful for me. 

Speaking of JOYFUL. I helped lead a Discernment Retreat for the 2HC from the 4-6th, and two hours later, we were on our way to the airport. My discernment question was, "Should I bring my computer and work while I am in Southeast Asia?" I had to bring something as a question for discernment. I thought what I brought was a stupid thing, but I had such a delightful time listening and discerning in community with David and Naty! The discernment was, "Do what you love and what brings you joy," and my work brings such joy. Then Naty sent me a picture that she saw. (I will post it here after my freewrite because the rule is to keep typing, not stop, and not pay attention to grammar or punctuation.)

So, Naty sensed I would bring joy and have joy on this trip, even on the airplane (I do not like flying being so tall, and those "over the Pacific" trips can be grueling.) And that first leg was a joy.

Then we got to the San Francisco Airport, and they really helped you to know where you should go. I asked about the United Sky Lounge because David G. and a childhood friend, Lorrie H., gave us passes to go there, and we had a looong layover there (about 5 hours). They said, "Don't go to the International one. Go to the Domestic one. It is much bigger with more selection of food." So it was so nice to have a meal and enjoy the lounge. There were more people there than normal because an Alaska jet had lost part of its fuselage on take off, and they grounded all of that model plane. So there were people stuck there for hours. 

With a five-hour layover, it was so nice to have my computer, and I did a bit of work (that brought me joy). 

Then the plane flight was delightful with delightful flight attendants (after my traumatic encounter with a United flight attendant, we had sworn off United, but we had to fly them because that is what George's work booked). And the miracle was: I SLEPT ABOUT SEVEN HOURS! Say what? I have never slept that long on a plane.

We landed in Singapore and flew through the airport (We had to do a digital entry that we didn't know about until after we had no internet access, but we just stopped outside the gate and let the crowds from our plane pass through and went right through. Although I could go through the computerized part because I was too tall when the camera took my picture. For some reason, it took George's but not mine. So I had to go through the person contact one, and there was no line by then.) 

We got to our lovely Shangri-La Hotel. You know it is a nice hotel because the Crown Prince of Jordan stayed there while we were there. It is a bustle of activity, and I loved watching all the kids in the pool every day we were there. 

George went right to work, and I rested in the hotel and worked a bit too. Then, when he got back, we went to the lounge and had Satay, Rendang, and Teh Tarik! We are home! The staff was so friendly too (our waitress was from Brazil). 

We fell asleep early, and the next morning George went to work. He used the Southeast Asian version of Uber called Grab. (Grab bought Uber out - my friend's brother used to work for Uber in SEA, and he lost his job during that buyout.) It was so easy for George to get to and from work. Shi-Ane picked me up in the early afternoon, and took me to lunch and the Raffles Hotel for a Singapore Sling. Then, we went back to her house to meet up with long-time UO Navigator friends, and their spouses: Wini and Victor, Prakash, Jackie, Shi-Ane and Ka-Choi. So lovely. We had a wonderful time, and Shi-Ane was so kind to "send" us back to our hotel late that evening.

This next day, Shi-Ane picked me up, and we went to the Botanical Gardens for a lovely walk. It was hot, and I should have worn shorts or a skirt. I am so hesitant to wear shorts, but things have loosened up a bit since we lived here 25 years ago! The Gardens were lovely. 

Then, Shi-Ane took me to their Country Club for yummy Asian dishes. The view from there was so great. The golf course and forest beyond. I really enjoy Shi-Ane so much. She is such a kind person. It is hard to believe I have known these Singaporean friends for 40+ years! How did we get old?

The next day, I worked all day long from four in the morning until George came back at 9 pm that night because his coworkers took him out to dinner. I got my whole PowerPoint updated for a talk I am giving on the 6th of February and a handout to go with it. I didn't even exercise that day, but it was good to be focused. All I did was go down to breakfast with George (The Line restaurant at the hotel was amazing!) and had a Teh Tarik and Satay at lunch in the lounge (working the whole time). 

On Friday, I ate with George and then walked from the hotel to the Botanical Gardens. It was so much cooler than when Shi-Ane and I walked, and I had such a lovely time with God as I walked. So many people go there to exercise. Seeing all the walkers and joggers at this free attraction was fun. Then I came back and worked a bit more. I was even able to practice my talk (so GLAD I brought my computer, and I didn't even have to carry it - George did).  I treated myself to the Waterfalls Italian Restaurant and had an exquisite lobster pasta dish. It was spendy but my biggest splurge after being treated by our friends. 

Speaking of being treated by our friends. Jackie took us out to a group of restaurants on Friday night called Dempsey. WOW! We settled on Mediterranean food, and it was so delicious. We had a full meat platter, fried cheese with honey, bread, and a divine Greek Rose. I wish I had gotten the name. It was so good. What was better than the meal was Jackie! She is also a spiritual director! One of my dreams was to talk to spiritual directors in Singapore (and possibly Malaysia, but I have found none in Penang), and one of my dearest Singaporean friends is one (we found that out on Tuesday so I pursued this one-on-one with Jackie)! How cool is that? We talked about our similar journeys. She has even done the Spiritual Exercises. Say what? It was like living in a dream (as the Malays would say, "Seperti Mimpi") to talk to this soul friend of mine. I think we have always been connected in that way, but this cemented it even more. She even said, "Have you ever heard of the Enneagram?" I laughed (that is all the work I have been doing while here in SEA). We had such a great talk about that too. It was a delightful evening (until 11 pm)!   

By the way, George had BIG talks at HP Singapore. The first one had 90 people. It is so great that he could meet all these people he has worked with for 18 months face-to-face. It was a joy, but it was a lot of work to give those talks.

On Saturday, we woke up and got ready to go to Malaysia! The flight was easy on Singapore Airlines, and as we waited at the Changi Airport (the last time we were here in 2011 there was MAJOR construction - it is so nice now), I looked up travel documents, and we filled them out on our phones. Most of our plane did not know about the documents so we breezed on ahead of the other passengers and went through immigration very quickly. Also, the flight attendant came to the back of the plane and said, "After the last passengers board, we would like to take you and your husband up to the Exit Row so you can have more legroom." Say what? How kind!

We arrived in the little airport of Penang. We found a taxi right away and settled in. It was Saturday. So George did not need to work until Monday. So, we settled in and walked to the Dandy Restaurant because we could not figure out how to get across the street to the restaurant we wanted to go to. So, we chose one with a sky bridge over the road. We are in Malaysia. Of course, the smaller towns don't make allowances for crosswalks and lights. LOL! The Dandy truly was dandy though. A delicious fusion of Asian and American food. We had divine watermelon smoothies.  We came back and went to bed.

On Sunday, we got up fairly early. My breakfast is not included in the price of the room like at the Shangri-La. So, we had gone to a grocery store the night before and got some breakfast food. Plus I had some leftover Chicken Sharma to munch on. So, I was content. 

I found a waterfall near our hotel: "Air Terjun Sungai Ara." (Ara River). It looked like a nice hiking trail up the river. So we used Grab, and we had a sweet older Malay gentleman who didn't know where he was going, but he drove very safely, and that is all that matters to me. We had wanted him to drop us off at the trailhead, but Grab maps are not as detailed as Google Maps, and he couldn't figure out where it was. So, we had him drop us off at the bottom of the hill in town, and we walked up and MISSED the trailhead and walked up a pretty steep hill until I realized that Google had been telling me to turn around the whole time (I had the volume down). So, we turned around and found the very crowded trailhead. We had thought that it was just the parking lot for the Hindu temple, but it was where all the hikers were parking. 

What a delightful hike! It was in the shade along the river. George kept saying, "Oh, I so needed this." He was in an HP office the whole time we were in Singapore. I had at least been to the Botanical Gardens and walked through the streets to get there. He had no exercise and no nature for days. This Oregon boy needed his green! We ended up climbing past the waterfall and found a lovely vendor with cool drinks about halfway up Bukit (Hill) Sungai Ara. We decided to keep going to the Emporer Villa at the top. There is a hotel there! I cannot imagine getting supplied up to it, but there is a big restaurant there. I think the hikers hike up, eat breakfast, and hike back down. We had already eaten. So, we just turned around and came back down. We hiked a total of 6.6 miles. YAY! On the way down we got some great pictures of the waterfall and of a big spider (my favorite picture of the trip). 

We came back, showered, and rested for a couple of hours until I found a Nasi Kandar restaurant. Nasi Kandar is what Penang does. We had a great driver who took us to the bustling city of Georgetown, but the "best" one was closed (even though Google Maps said it was open). But our driver knew another one: Hameediyah. (And it is the OLDEST in all of Penang. It has been there since 1907!) We had to queue up for this one. We waited in the heat for about 30 minutes, but we made friends with a sweet Malay family, and they even ordered for us. It was so delicious. Everyone ate with their fingers there! We had conquered a Bukit (Hill) and Nasia Kandar in one day. Well Done Weavers! 

On Monday, George went to breakfast, and I ate the yogurt we had purchased at the grocery store. Then I sent him off to work, and I walked around the Setia (Loyal) Garden that is connected to our hotel (Setia Spice Hotel). There is a Bamboo Garden and walking that is mostly covered. Every day there is a group of people (mostly Chinese women) doing low-impact dance (mostly arms and very little movement of their lower body) in front of the big colored ball of the Setia Convention Center. They all wear the same shirt. Yesterday, it was blue and today it was white. I walked for about 20 minutes out there (75 degrees). Then I did elliptical and weights in their nice, deserted gym. (I had done a bit of the treadmill at the Shangri-La, but it was very crowded there.) Then I came back and stretched in the room and worked the rest of the day on a PowerPoint and handout for Enneagram Harmony Triads until George came back at about 7. I had found a place where we did not have to cross the road, but Google Maps was wrong, and when we crossed the road, there was no restaurant there. LOL! Ray's Grill was there, but it was closed. So, we broke down and went to the hotel restaurant. Sangat mahal (very expensive) but convenient since I had not eaten very much all day. The food was just OK. I would have preferred a little outdoor local place. 

So, I am here typing away on my computer, and this freewrite has taken 72 minutes! There was a lot to recall and love about our time. Today, George is teaching for the last time. The group here is much smaller, but he is loving it. Cassity, a friend of my friend, Firah, is coming at 1:30 for tea at the hotel, and then we will eat maybe at Awe Nasi Ayam Budu (another famous Northern Malaysia dish), but we would have to cross the street to get there, and sometimes that is impossible here. LOL! So, we might order it through GRAB and have it delivered to our hotel instead. Or we can cross the less busy street to Ray's! So, now I am off to work. When I  have a break I will post the pictures. If you are reading this and don't want to wait, go to my Facebook: Carol Ann Weaver or Instagram: Carolfosia. the pictures and videos are there. 

Ta ta for now. 

Total Freewrite time: 77 minutes (perfect since I graduated from high school in 77)

Oh, by the way, our arrival back in Malaysia was the day we left 25 years ago! How is that for timing?