The SUN just started to shine through the window on what, at the beginning of my Centering Prayer time (20 min) was only gloom and fog. What a great end to a more focused Centering time than I have had over the last two weeks. I found myself being very distracted during Centering Prayer by all the Pilates videos I have had to make. I owe the University 30 hours of work because I was furloughed for one of my classes and not the other. I didn't find out about it until November. I couldn't start the videos until my biopsy for melanoma healed because it was on my bottom, and I could not do the three rolling exercises in the Pilates routine. So, I started the adventure on November 27th. I have done 14:40 so far. I will need to do 5:20 more. The other ten hours are given to me for the uploading and descriptions attached to my videos. It is doing 12 weeks worth of a Pilates class in four weeks (due date is December 31).
The silver lining: I am getting back in Pilates shape. It is one thing to do it on your own at home and another thing to be in shape to do instruction for an Advanced Pilates class. I did that yesterday, and I always say that the level between Intermediate and Advanced goes up ASTRONOMICALLY! So, I was so tired yesterday. I had the family go shopping for gifts and cars (Michael's car was totaled, and Paul has not gotten around to getting one since he works so close to home) for three hours so I could have uninterrupted time in videos. Sadly, someone dropped in on me texting me and calling me to tell me they were in my driveway. Another friend called after not hearing from him for probably two years. So, I had to do my video in two parts and then put it in a movie editor and trim and put them together. I do love learning new things, but it prolonged my time, and I had a limited amount with them gone.
All that said, when they came home they were ready to go get our Christmas trees. I had a moment in the kitchen where I could feel myself about to burst into tears and crawl into bed from the stress of this whole thing and the tiredness of my body when I CAUGHT MYSELF IN THE ACT! It was the coolest thing. (The sun is shining more and more. God always speaks to me with the sun breaking through clouds and shining into windows - So I am going with this freewrite.) I didn't stuff it, but there was this overwhelming sense of God's presence with me. God's protection of me - my body, my soul, my mind, my spirit. I wasn't "stuffing it and sucking it up and gutting it out for the family." Nor did I get emotional and crawl into a hole hoping that my family would understand. I could have done that, and they would have understood. We could have postponed but rain was on the horizon for the only other day we could do it. But there was this shift. There was an acknowledgment of how tired I was, but there was this shift to wanting to go. I was standing there in the kitchen on the verge of losing it and then I wasn't, but I didn't stuff it either. It is hard to explain.
In the car, filled with joy, I whizzed down Walnut Blvd. with the people I am most in love with and bring me the most life, noticing the gorgeous color of the blue sky meeting forested hills, listening to Kenny Rogers' rendition of "Children Go Where I Send Thee" (man, it is GOOD), and just enjoying life STRESS-FREE.
Our 23rd Trip to Donovan's Tree Farm was filled with the 23rd installment of life-giving joy. I asked about Mr. Donovan, and as I did, he drove up on an ATV with a hearty hello (he knows us after 23 trips) and gave us a personal tour of his latest pottery pieces, and I bought a bowl with the deepest and most beautiful color of green I have ever seen.