The Well Update: The Well-Tuned Body

See below to find out about these pictures!

I didn't expect this all to go on for so long, but this has been a good exercise for me to go through each component of the Well Update more thoroughly.

Well-Tuned Body

I have been building up from 1 mile on May 3rd with my Fitness walking class to a 15-mile day on September 16th in preparation for the Camino de Santiago from Sarria. I was fine until nine days ago when I started having pain while going downhill in Peavy Arboretum on September 22nd. I had it again after 3 miles on the flat on September 23. I went straight to the doctor on Monday morning and was so glad I did because the IT band was rubbing over the knee, and it had swollen. It is the repetitive motion that did it (coupled by having one leg shorter than the other, tight hips and legs, going on uneven surfaces in places like the arboreteum, etc.). So, I have a plan (already put that in a previous post).

What was so discouraging though was getting on the doctor's scale and discovering I had not lost as much weight as I thought. I have followed my Weight Watchers plan FAITHFULLY since July 27th. I was not weighing because I wanted to do it by "feel," and I discovered my capacity for self-deception is great! I have come to the conclusion that WW is more for people who do not eat very healthy and have a lot of weight to lose, and the "points" reward you for eating healthy things, but I already eat healthy things, and not counting any points for fruit means I don't lose. I LOVE FRUIT more than candy or even ice cream! Fruit is ZERO points. So, I ate a lot of fruit, and now that I am back on LoseIt (free or $20 a year for tons of cool features, but I have mostly used the free version since 2/2010), those fruits were adding a LOT of calories to my day. I had a lot of self-condemnation (even looking at myself in the mirror and scolding myself - yikes), and I was angry that I missed 9 weeks of losing because I was deceiving myself by not weighing. I am tall, and the weight on me just distributes itself. It is just hard to tell when I am losing, but I noticed my rings were not getting looser on my hand, and that usually happens when I lose weight. 

I am technically not overweight in the first place but at the top of my ideal weight range, but I always feel so much better in the middle of the range. 

I am comparing WW and LoseIt this week, and on their plan, I am eating between 10-14 points while I am following a calorie method in LoseIt. WW gives me 23 points a day plus adds points for all the exercise, and I exercise a LOT. I never used all my bonus points each week, and I was still NOT losing! (Maybe I lost about 5 pounds in 8 weeks? I am not sure because I was deceiving myself by not weighing.) I like WW because it is quicker to log, but I would rather take a little extra time weighing and measuring and losing weight than not losing without weighing and measuring. It has gone much better with LoseIt! I am 10 lbs. behind my goal and wasted time and money, but the self-condemnation is over now. It was a growing experience for me. 

About the exercise. I was walking so much. I burn100 calories per mile. I was doing Pilates pretty consistently for the last month, but this new program of stretching and strengthening that the doctor and Jennifer, my adorable physical therapist, have for me take an HOUR to complete! I realize that I was not stretching enough before I went for my walks, and my glute strength had decreased since I was not teaching four classes a week. I need a balance between bodywork and calorie burn. I have done the exercises for six days now, and I can already feel a difference. I am resting from walking for ten days, and I enjoy it. The weather has been beautiful for the last two days, but I am sticking to the instructions.

Speaking of sticking to the instructions, I was given a cream to apply to the swelling in my knee, and after four days of doing this, my knee got all these welts on it and inflamed red. I called the doctor on Saturday night and got a nice nurse who asked me lots of questions and told me I am OK and was an allergic reaction. I think I did not wait long enough to go in the shower after I put it on. The heat from the shower apparently makes it stronger. I am going to discontinue it totally because that was scary! My swelling has also gone down, and I will keep icing it until I see Jennifer on Wednesday.

My back is doing great! I am grateful. The tight IT band is no doubt related to the chain or my left side with tight hips that influence my back on the left side also. So, the exercises help my back also.  I feel really good other than the knee.

I have to say that I have loved the rest. Jennifer says I should have been tapering anyway. So, I will just do shorter walks from now on.

Rest and pause. When I did my Corrective Exercise Specialist certification, they made a big deal about an hour of total rest every day, and I am doing that in silent/centering prayer. I think this is important for my body and my soul to have complete inner stillness (of the body), inner silence (of the mind), and inner solitude (of the heart alone with God)! See my article on this on my website: 

Contemplative Rest in a Busy World

I think I am prepared in heart, soul, mind, and strength for the Camino. I am praying God protects and guides all nine of us as we go on this dream adventure. 

The Well Update - The Well-Educated Mind

 

I have not delved this deep into a Well Update in YEARS! I think it is because I am tapering off on my spiritual direction appointments and have tapered off (and stopped until next Wednesday) on my walking. I only had about seven hours of direction both individual and group. (It was supposed to be nine, but I had one who didn't show up (twice) and a cancellation due to internet issues.) And I am devoting about an hour to concentrated stretching and strengthening with a bit of Pilates. I should be swimming, but I am not too worried about my cardio on the Camino. That is good (but I digress and appropriate for the "Well-Tuned Body" portion of this Well update! LOL!)

The Well-Educated Mind

I didn't even want to do this part of the update because I have not been working through the book pictured above. I am #9 out of 2,126 people on the List Challenge for this book. (#1 is probably not true because there is NO WAY a person would have read every single book on that list - unless the author is on the list challenge, but this "Guest" has done it on all the reading lists. Very suspicious, but I digress once again.) When George saw me eyeing this book while at the library, he said, "There she goes again." I love a challenge. If you are new to my blog, from 2002-2013, I read 287 classics. So I thought my "lists" were done until this book. I am reading books I have never even heard of, and most of the time, I have really liked them! (Some have been duds but not many.)

But alas, I have had other things going on. Since I picked up this list, I have had reading for certifications in Spiritual Direction, the Enneagram, NASM Personal Training with Women's Fitness, Weight Loss, Corrective Exercise Specializations (NASM-CPT, CES, WFS, WLS), and Mental Health Coaching. I read nine books for the Order of the Mustard Seed too. I am also reading four Renovare Book Club books every year. So, I sprinkle these in between, and I will be very old if I finish this list! LOL!

All that to say is that I LOVE to learn. I am thirsty for learning. I cannot help myself. I love to learn and then apply. Rinse. Repeat. 

Lately, I have been reading books about the Camino de Santiago (The Way is Made by Walking) and the inward soul journey (Soul Journey). 

I also read at least 52 books a year. I'm at 41. The last from the 1000 Books List I read was Instead of a Letter. The ones I read for spiritual enrichment are so much more edifying, but when I read from the 1000 Books List. I learn compassion for people. I won't stop this new challenge, even though sometimes they are a bit edgy for me! I won't obsess over it. My "BHAG" (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) was the 287 books nine years ago. This is just icing and more LEARNING! 

I am loving my reading journey with more spiritual books this year. (Renovare Book Club has some wonderful ones this year, and I have the possibility of nine people in our group!)

I am also taking another certification course in EMDR because I am fascinated by it. 

I am also learning so much as I prepare PowerPoints for each of the Enneagram types and then teach them to my directees! I go deeper, and I understand people and myself so much better. That is another kind of "education"!

I am also learning about IT bands! But that will be my next installment of The Well Update! 

TTFN.

The Well Update - The Well-Watered Soul

The Well Update Continued

Well-Watered Soul

This is one area I can say is great! I have such beautiful rhythms built into my life these days. 

I water my soul in the mornings through Lectio Divina in the Psalms and just praying through them and journaling about what phrases hit me. I decided to go through them in The Passion Translation, and that has been really delightful for me. 

Then I have been doing my rolling and stretching while I listen to Pray as You Go and/or Lectio365. I have a whole group of exercises that the doctor gave me on Monday and some more that Jennifer, PT gave me on Wednesday, so I have loved doing this rolling and stretching more meditatively.

 (Sometimes that leads me to a routine of Pilates right afterward or a long training walk for the Camino where I often intercede for those he lays on my heart - since I am not able to walk right now, it is more Pilates and core work.) 

Then it is spiritual direction sessions either with individuals or in small groups (which I find watering to my soul). I love preparing for these. 

I also work on curriculum development for different things. They are all related to spiritual direction and Enneagram with Ignatian spirituality. Even though I am "working," these are always nourishing for my soul too!

I take a midday break for Silent Prayer with either the nuns in East Mosely outside of London or with Jo and the OMS/Seed Community on Mondays and Wednesdays. Sometimes I lead these too. 

Afternoons vary considerably. I am having more and more sessions with directees in the afternoon (at some point, I need to limit the number, but people leave, and others come to fill their spots, so it works out to be about 2-3 sessions a day Monday-Thursday with a maximum of 1 on Fridays (and sometimes none like today, woohoo!)

I do tend to crash by about 3 pm (because I get up so early) and usually read or watch the news or a show I have recorded from the night before. I am currently enjoying Survivor and the Amazing Race! 

Evenings vary too. Sunday evenings are often with our Seed Community group. We also have people over for dinner, and I need to get back to doing that more often since George is home now and COVID is over! I also watch something. George and I are having "inside dates" and watching an Anthony Trollope period piece right now. I am not excessive though. I feel like the minute it dries my soul up and becomes desolating, I turn it off and have some evening prayer

I want to water my soul more right before bed, but I always fall asleep during the night Examen. So, I mostly pray through the Examen in the mornings and sometimes midday with the OMS!

Another thing for me to water my soul has been more "Welcoming Prayer" It is Silent/Centering Prayer in the midst of a life. It also overlaps with STOP from the Spiritual Rhythms for the Enneagram by Loughrige and Calhoun. I am a Motions of the Soul Enneagram Educator and Practitioner, and I really love this practice:

• SEE – Stop and ask God to give you the eyes to see from His perspective 
• TRIGGERS – Where did I leave my true self behind?
• OPEN – to HEAD, HEART & GUT HARMONY/IDENTITY NAME [1]
• Whom does God say that I am? What is my “true self” identity? 
• PRESENCE – Intentionally Live into God’s Presence

Not only does it parallel Welcoming Prayer, but it also goes along with the Immunity to Change and One Big Thing concept in the 2 HC. Each personality type has different questions to ask yourself within each category. 

I have loved the inner work God has been doing in me through it!

• [1] This is added to the original STOP material and comes from the book Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God by Jamie Winship. 

The Well Update - The Well-Adjusted Heart

I have not done a freewrite for a while now, and so much has happened.

State of the Well Report (I used to do these all the time, but it has been years)

Heart 

Hmm. How is my heart? My blog heading says, "One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart." Hmm. How is it? Let me feel the feelings. In the last day, I had my heart moved by a directee who learned about her strong instinctual variant toward the social, and she was so enthusiastic to learn all about it and wanted to gather spiritual directors to have me do a training on it (like I do for the Bollers 2-3 times a year for their spiritual directors in training). I was just excited to have her grasp the material and be so enthusiastic about it. She is such a sweetheart, and that warms my heart.

My heart hurt because of the interaction with the person organizing our trip on the Camino. I think she is 1) new, 2) not totally fluent in English, and 3) not the best communicator. But the good news: I did not go into any sort of anger mode with her, and I calmly dealt with her for the last nine days. So, I am sad that she did not lay out all our options right away because it ended up costing more money in the long run, and that was a little disappointing. But I think God is telling me to let go of it and just move on. I think she feels bad about it, and I don't think she understands how poorly she communicated through the whole thing. Not sure I would recommend this company to handle our logistics again too.

I feel a bit afraid: 1) my knee will not be ready to go 71 miles for 5 days in 20 days. My PT thinks it will be great, and the swelling has gone down, and I am thankful this did not happen WHILE I was walking on the Camino. So I am glad that my training brought this out 4 weeks before instead of in the middle of walking. I had already peaked with my training and was going to taper anyway. So I am thankful and afraid at the same time. 

2) That I will be overwhelmed with the number of people going. I have already decided that I cannot focus on that many people so have to be selective. It is the fault of the Type Two to think I have to be involved with everyone, and that is not possible with that many people. So I am focusing, and I know that we will have Elizabeth to spend time with afterward when we go to Belfast. 

3) That airlines will charge us extra for baggage even though I reserved airlines that said we could bring a carry-on. So that is somewhat disconcerting for me. I know they contract out and things get lost in the translation (and refunds don't happen - as Delta Airlines has recently proven.)

So that last one I realize I am still ANGRY at Delta for the way we were handled in April. 

I feel joyful about going on the Camino though, and I have loved the inward journey journaling that I have done. It will be a good trip. I know it.

I feel peaceful when I think about the spiritual journey I am on.

I feel uncertain about whether I should say yes to a small group of leaders in my church. I think I am a perfect fit to lead it, but do I have the capacity even if I postpone it until January?

There is a lot of emotion there. I will say that overall, the things I am leading, both in individual spiritual direction and in the small groups I facilitate (Silent Prayer, OMS, Renovare, 2HC), are all bringing me much joy. But can I add another one to the mix? OMS will stop, and I will replace that with the Deepen III, but can I do the leaders from my group. 

I have prayed for all of this for years. Now the fires are set, and there is a glorious blaze developing that does not seem to be blowing out. The vision you gave me is coming true! So that excites me and scares me all in the same breath!

Here is the picture you gave me of that:

Well, that was 20 minutes. So I will do another freewrite tomorrow about my other things: 

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well" (The Little Prince by de Saint-Exupéry). One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart, well-watered soul, well-educated mind, and well-tuned body. "Love the Lord your God with all your HEART, and with all your SOUL, and with all your MIND, and with all your STRENGTH" (Mark 12:30-31).

The State of The Well

I have not done this in ages! Here goes.

Well-Watered Soul

I think this is probably the thing I have really grown the most in over the last two years. COVID opened up new possibilities for growth for me. 

While I found Renovare Institute too academic for me, and since I had been in Renovare since the 90s, it was all books I had read before (and loved). 

I do thank Renovare for opening up my world through their books and the book club. The Institute did lead me to the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius. I had been doing components (Ignatian contemplation and the Examen) for years, and I had even purchased this book by Ignatius in the 2000s, but it wasn't until the Institute assigned A Simple Life-Changing Prayer by Jim Manney that I really understood what the Exercises were all about, and I dove in with all my heart. I will never forget the morning of October 31, 2017, when I woke up to God saying, "READ THIS BOOK." So I did, and it was life-changing like the book said! It helped me understand the Examen and Imaginative Contemplation as part of the larger picture of Ignatian Spirituality. 

I had spent years with the Benedictines and the Trappists, and I have so much to thank them for: deeper Lectio Divina, Praying the Hours, and my first exposure to spiritual direction with Sister Joan (Benedictine) and Brother Mark (Trappist RIP), but I didn't understand Ignatian spirituality until I read Manney's book and The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything.  This was the challenge I wanted and needed. When I went through the Exercises that year in 4 months, years of struggle were released as "sin patterns" and "inordinate attachments" were named and acknowledged in the "bubble wrap of God's love" (my phrase) bringing me into closer abiding union with Him! 

I am grateful for Renovare, in general, because the book club led me to How to Pray by Pete Greig, and that, in turn, led me to join The Order of the Mustard Seed. I was looking for a community with the Spiritual Exercises people (most out of town and not easily able to connect with because they do most face-to-face and not through Zoom). God closed that door very clearly only to open wide the door of The Order of the Mustard Seed.

I am also grateful for Sustainable Faith as I looked for a Spiritual Direction training that emphasized Ignatian spirituality, and I loved it.

But reading The Sacred Enneagram for one of my book reports in Sustainable Faith opened my heart to adopt Centering Prayer (Silent Prayer in a more general sense) after having done it at the Trappist Monastery several times and finding myself going into Silent Prayer at the end of Ignatian (Imaginative) Contemplation or Lectio Divina. I think COVID caused all these formerly "in-person" groups to offer it online so that I could experience it with people who have been doing it for years and years. I am so grateful. (Two out of the four online groups are Benedictine.) 

So it has born fruit of the presence of God in my life during the hours I am not intentionally having a Silent Prayer time. That has been huge as I am learning that I "let go" so much more easily without all the emotions attached. What is, is. I let go. 

Well-Educated Mind

I really cannot believe that I am doing yet another BOOK LIST! Ack! I am reading through the 1000 Books to Read Before You Die. I think 90% of the books are really good and ones I never would have thought to pick up to read. I have grown so much in my understanding (which feeds my Enneagram Type 5 Harmony Triad connection 2-5-8). I will say there is one book that I really dislike. I have been trying to read it for over a month, and I am only 1/3rd of the way through. Life is too short. I am thinking of just counting it as attempted and return it to the library! (I returned it!)

Speaking of Enneagram, that is where I have become more well-educated, and that has been so helpful for my own personal growth. I am also teaching more and doing one-on-one sessions for it. I am seeking to develop more spiritual resources for my directees in this area. 

Well-Adjusted Heart

I have been noticing how I don't "angst" over things. I don't experience as much shame as I once did. I am not saying I apologize less because I still make mistakes, but I don't feel shame when I say "no" or set boundaries like I once did. I can remember a time when I could not say "no"! That would get me into the biggest trouble. I have been really good at saying "no" lately, but the shame I felt about disappointing people would make me stew for too long. Now I am not stewing. I am letting it go more easily (part from above - Silent Prayer practice of letting both pleasant and negative thoughts go), and I am also getting to the bottom of my shame which tells me the lie that if I say "no" and disappoint people, they will not like me or love me or want me to be part of their group. That is the selfish twisted mind of an Enneagram Type Two. So for my mental health, I get into how my body is feeling. I go for a walk. I acknowledge and release my fear of being unwanted and unloved, and I receive God's truth: I am wanted and loved by him (this gets to the "inordinate attachments" in the Spiritual Exercises too). I return after my walk and resolve to LIVE in that truth. It has been beautiful!

Where I see how much I have grown is for two things:

1) I met with someone who I poured my life into for 3 1/2 years. We have not met for over 10 years. I had other priorities, and I have grown so much in the last 10 years because we met again for tea a few weeks ago, and I realized, that person is not someone I want to invest in. I put up with so much of that person's semi-bullying verbal behavior when we met for 3 1/2 years, but I could see it so much more clearly. I didn't like the way she spoke to me. I did not like the way she treated me. Before, I just figured it was me, and I would twist myself like a pretzel so she would "like" me (again, a selfish desire that I need to acknowledge). In this latest conversation, I stayed just 45 minutes, and I said, "I have to go" quite naturally (not abruptly), and she had no idea. I just don't like the way we interact, and I don't want to pursue that relationship. That was huge for me. My hubby gave me high 5s all around because he does it so much more naturally than I do. I have had to learn to discern what is the best way to "number my days" with people, and I think back on the hours and hours we spent together ten years ago, and I would never do that now. 

2) The other situation is with an autocratic, patriarchal leader. I have poured hours into a project with no guidance other than the words "develop abiding resources." Nine months into it, he interfered with a major decision without even consulting or informing me or my team. I even read his instructions to me that I have followed to the letter, but he changed his instructions without a discussion after nine months of hard work. The discussion around this change involved no openness to hearing my team's point of view. An autocratic and impractical decision was made, and while I would have had no problem had that decision been made before we implemented it, but it was made in mid-stream, and it would take hours to undo what we had already done. I will implement the change mid-stream, but once my part is finished, I will move on to the implementation with individuals who respond to what we have done rather than continuing to develop content. God had already told me December 21, 2021, as an exit for the leadership of this team, and I am going to hold to that as my passions lead me elsewhere. I have loved doing this and the people I have been working with. I do not hold any ill feelings toward this leader. I just don't want to be on his task force anymore after I am done with my part of the task. 

It is OK to want other things. That is what I am learning. 

Well-Tuned Strength 

Part of my people-pleasing would also cause me to teach a Back class for one of the health clubs I work for that was hurting my back! I know it may work for most of the people who have taken this well-loved class, but I was in the most pain I have been in years! So I said, "NO"! I have not looked back, and they found someone else. 

So, I am just teaching one in-person class of Pilates at the Univ this term. I am excited to do that. I have been pretty good about maintaining my Pilates strength all summer, and I am so excited to get back to the Univ face to face with students. My class is full and even has a waiting list.

I am still walking the Route 66 challenge, and I am 63% of the way there with cardio great.

Weight is still something I need to grow in. I am still within my ideal weight range, but I like to be in the middle rather than the top. This is my biggest challenge.

Well Update - Sister Joan Freewrite Follow Up

I am trying to get used to my new computer. It takes a bit of time, but I have it today. I have been reserving my Thursdays to go up and see George, but he is coming down tonight. So, I don't need to do that. (The learning curve is high at first.) 

So here is the Well Update

Heart/Soul - I am emotionally on a very even keel lately. I am well-rested. Balance has been restored after the end of May - Early June realization that I had become a bit out of kilter. I am so thankful for Sister Joan, and her words of wisdom for me. I was reacting to other people rather than responding to the Lord. That always gets me in a bit of trouble. I think it started with feeling low-ebb with allergies and progressed from there. The rudeness of the man in the class after mine also contributed. The ongoing negativity of another person that I had to see at the end of my mostly positive class day on Mondays and Wednesdays also contributed. Negative people are toxic people. 

Here is a list that I was reminded of again this morning: 

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9985/25-habits-of-people-who-are-happy-healthy-successful.html

Here is a list of Sister Joan's wise words: 

1) Give self permission to say "no" - I realize that I am pretty good at saying "no" to the big things now. That is growth, but it is the little nagging things everyday. "Carol, can you connect me with this little thing? Can you post this little thing for me? What do I do with this international student? Do you know these international students, can we partner with you? Can you lead this little one day thing? Here is her number (instead of them calling and putting it all on me to make the call). Can I get a ride down to Portland and stay with you? I think I need an implant in Corvallis. Where can I go? Can I send a 10-15 page paper to you to edit? When are you coming to visit me? Can we meet in Portland? Can we meet in July to chat about some things? Can you teach Pilates to such and such group? Where do you get this particular product?  This is all "little" questions and request that happened in the last couple of days, but they all add up. 

I also say "yes" to things that people are so dead set on doing but don't want to have any part in making it happen, and then they don't even show up for it. One particular person was very rude when they said that we have to have this prayer time on this particular day because of this particular reason, and her words were, "Get to it!" Like I was her slave or something. Then, she IS NOT EVEN COMING! That really surprised me and made me realize that I need to just say, "YOU GET TO IT THEN if you are so dead set on having it this day! I am not your slave." The next time she does something like this, I really need to reflect back to her how she comes across to people when she says things like "GET TO IT!" 

That same person and another person had heard a message on prayer in September 2014, and they were saying, "We need to pray more! Why don't we pray more?" Then, when I made a lot of effort to create more opportunities to pray, THEY DID NOT EVEN SHOW UP. It is one thing to pray more, it is another thing to look at the practicalities of praying more in terms of involvement of other people. 

So, I am resolved to GIVE BACK TO PEOPLE the responsibility of fulfilling their own dreams rather than me expecting to do it for them. CHECK! (Boy, this is really good to type this out. Thus why I freewrite!) 

I have progressed at saying, "NO" more, but I can always grow in this area. 

One of Sister Joan's questions to ask myself: How does "no" minister?

I am not sure what she meant by this question. I think saying "no" ministers to others in them seeing that I set good boundaries, and they can do the same. The sabbatical has been really good because some people had seen how tired I was (Lorraine in particular) even more than I had. Joanne said it was so good. I don't feel like I really do that much, but I think I do. I think saying "no" also ministers to the people who make demands of me (like the particular person above) because they see how they are coming across, and they begin to see the other person as a human being with capacities rather than an object they can use to manipulate and boss around. 

How does it minister to me? I think it makes me less tired! That is one really good way that it ministers to me. It helps me to see that I can make choices. I need to explore that with Sister Joan more. I am not sure I understand the question's aim. 

2) Progressions of Life Stages - I realize that I am in a very different life stage from most of the people I hang out with. I am an empty-nester (even though both the kids are home for the summer from college). I have "embraced the empty nest and have found great joy in a new career. So, my life is in a different season today than it was a year ago. 

3) Sabbatical - Sister Joan reminded me of the word God had given me just two hours earlier. I had forgotten it. I am loving this sabbatical, even though it has not been devoid of ministry. The last full sabbatical that George and I took was in our first year of marriage, and, boy, did we ever get flack for that! People were counting the days when our year was up (that was when we were at the "suck all the life out of you, use you and spit you out as worthless" church). The year sabbatical ended up being the year where we did what we were passionate about: spending time with our dear friends, Dang and Kak, and helping them to grasp who Jesus is and this walk of faith. We also studied the life of David together as a couple. The man with a life of devotion, which has characterized our marriage. Intimacy leads to impact. PERIOD. So, that was nothing but a positive time. My mistake was going back into ministry and being on the missions council at church, confirming my life-long dislike of MEETINGS that never go anywhere! That is sort of what I feel like with the meetings for training team. I love knowing what is going on in each other's lives, but it is too much of that and not enough moving forward. I cannot do them anymore, especially remotely where I cannot see people face-to-face. It just is not my cup of tea. 

4) No is a complete  sentence - I think not explaining why I cannot go to something is a discipline. Too many words, transgression is unavoidable. If they want to know why, they can ask, but I will not volunteer the information. Most of the time I know when something is not something I want or need to do for another person, but how do you not say, "Figure it out for yourself" without coming across rude and not helpful? Such a difficult balance for me. My boundaries and "no" takes a lot of courage, and they come out more emotional than they need to. 

5) The better you are, the more you are asked. SO TRUE! I know that is. I also know when I am truly good at something. So, I am flattered but have to remain focused and "keep the main thing, the main thing." 

6) Introverting - I don't care one iota if someone does not believe I am an introvert, but I AM. PERIOD. QUIT ARGUING WITH ME ABOUT IT. I know who I am and where I am going. So, just take me as not being an idiot and know my own personality pretty darn well. I always fool people because I love people (strong "F") so I will deny introverting because of my love for people and relationships. They are two very different things. I pay the price later on if I spend too much time with people. That is the truth! So, Sister Joan says to take time to be an introvert. I will. I am. I love it so much. Along with that introverted side is the gift of intercession that I love to nurture and grow. 

7) Words that describe me: shepherding, cheerleader, intercessory, worshiper, counselor, spiritual director, listener. With that, Sister Joan asked:

Who listens to the listener? That is so changing. I am getting back some balance in that regard. I am walking with Kim on Tuesday nights now, and that has been so good for my soul. With us, it is a mutual exchange back and forth between us. No one listens more than the other. 

8) Retreat - Yes, I am taking more retreats. 

9) Process - not product - I think I pretty much have that one down. I learned a long time ago that when I expect a particular product out of my effort, it is always different. I am product when it comes to tangible things like finishing a book or a project. But when it comes to people and life transformation, I have learned to be all about process rather than product. I cannot make choices for others, just myself.

10) Nature heals - so agree! I have been taking worship bike rides, and that has been less about product and more about he process of enjoying God's beauty as I ride around this beautiful city. 

11) Minister to the minister - That was eye-opening. I have few that minister to me or even offer to ask me how I am doing. I have come to accept that, but the walks with Kim are good. I am also going to go see Sister Joan one time a month. I do have somewhat of that with the Wellspring group, but I am the oldest now by 15 years, so there is a big gap between us in many ways. I love those girls though. I am trying to find more people who can be that way for me. I definitely have intercessors in my life! Nancy has been great!

12) Enjoying your own company - CHECK! I really like being alone and being my own company. Actually, just me and the Lord is a great thing!

13) Humor? I am not sure this is what this one says, but I love to laugh! That is why I love reading and watching things. So fun! George is my main humor machine, and when we are all together as a family, we laugh a lot!

14) Church Story? I have no idea what this one means. Hmmm. 

15) Not your job description - I don't have a job description for the training team. I do TOAG. That is all I really want to do. Then I am going to shepherd grads of TOAG who want it, prioritizing with those going with our group. I am also totally willing and able to lead workshops as they relate to storytelling, DBS, fitness, balanced life, and Spiritual Formation. I think when J wanted MORE, I was a little bit flabbergasted. I cannot do any more and remain true to the next point that Sister Joan pointed out. 

16) Her help with words for how to set sabbatical boundaries, "I have been called by the Spirit and have discerned the I need time to integrate" - I think my biggest thing is the realization (as I was sure of last July, really - or even as far back as when we took three days off to go to a six hour meeting, ugh!) that I need to not be involved with the training team on a regular basis. We are volunteers. We just do reimbursement. That is it. It just is in the middle of my only fully free day in the week. So, I bowing out. I have discerned, and it is loud and clear. I want more time to do what I am passionate about. 

17) Spiritual self-care - Yes, that is what I am doing. :)

18) Chronically Hurtful People - I am still trying to discern what to do about the person who follows me in my room at OSU. It is one negative thing in a SEA OF POSITIVE PILATES! So she recommended the book title above. She also called them "psychic vampires." The guy is a "rock in my shoe." 

In regard to sabbatical, she said, 

TRUST GOD
TRUST SELF (my Spirit-filled self)
TRUST OTHER PEOPLE to deal with it! (Including J, who is probably the person I am most afraid of misunderstanding my exit)

That was really good to review what she said to me. I had not gone over the sheet of paper she gave me. I should give a sheet of paper to the people I see! (Which is something I have missed and hope to get back to soon.) 

Well Update

Well-Tuned Body


Weight 

The good news is that my weight is where it should be to give me "permission" to be sedentary and write for the Bible Book Club. I was afraid to get on this morning, and I was fine. Do not know why I thought I was heavier. I am learning to "feel" eating rather than have to keep track of calories all the time.

GOOD NEWS . . . 

Since May 12- June 2:
Average BURN- 2325 
Average CONSUME - 2231 for a 95 DEFICIT

YAY for the last three weeks! But if you include that week before there is  . . . 

BAD NEWS . . . 
Even though I am at that weight, I am at the TOP of my fluctuations (still at ideal weight for my height though), and I want to be at the BOTTOM of that fluctuation!


Last 30 day May 4 - June 2:

Average BURN - 2356
Average CONSUME - 2514 for a 158 SURPLUS!

I can either eat less or move more, and I am going to do a combo of the two and get down to the BOTTOM of my five pound allowable fluctuations! 


1 walk around the block + Skipping 2 squares of Ritter Sports Chocolate = 158 calories.

My goal is MAINTENANCE this year. I will have kept off 25 pounds for three months on Saturday, June 8th. So, I have much to celebrate. I am just DETERMINED to KEEP IT OFF for the long haul. Always been great at losing but not so great at maintaining, and that is changing!!!

Strength

My back is doing great with preventative chiropractic once a month and not sitting so long at one stretch. Would like to do better at back exercises again.

Well-Watered Soul

There is a balance to everything, and I have been watering my soul so much lately that I have neglected the Well-Tuned Body. SO, I am trying to combine the two by prayer walks for the world. I will have gone through the whole daily prayer for unreached people for one year on June 6 or 7. SO, I need to do more walking and praying since I tapered off on that in mid-April in order to try to get done with the BBC by June 22! I am right on track for being done by the time Kathleen leaves for Turkey on June 12. 

BBC: I have Rev. 7-9, 14-16, 20-21 left + Jesse Tree Review + Christmas Messiah Meditations. :)

Well-Educated Mind

I have already posted . . . 

Invitation to the Classics: Selected Essays of Samuel Johnson - 113 pages left!

Then I will read Watership Down for the Book Dames Classics Book Club

Well-Adjusted Heart

So good! All is well. I set a boundary last month that was kinda' scary, and no one died. :) I need to speak up sometimes.

Just trying to be assertive and letting my open-ended, non-closure husband know that we need to set some dates and make some reservations for our vacation in two weeks!  He is too cute to be mad at though. 

Little by Little Gets the Job Done

I am up again at 5:30 am to work on Bible Book Club. What a joy this discipline has been for me since my first post on Christmas Day 2007. That makes it 1987 days (5 years, 5 months, 9 days). It was a lifelong goal to study through the whole Bible (I had read it through probably nine times before?). I have learned so much! And I feel like I have so much more to learn! Next year, I will read through it again and edit as I go.

To make it an even 2000 days (because that looks cool and is easy to remember), I will write for 13 more days. I have Revelation 2, 7-9, 14-16, 20-21 left. I will also write the Jesse Tree Review and edit and update the Messiah Review for December. I don't know if I will include those in my 2000 day count though. I am excited.

I have been on the Classics/Well-Educated Mind Journey for 3883 day (10 years, 7 months, 18 days). I am going from the day I ordered the Invitation to the Classics books, but it started a bit before that. :)

I have 196 pages left on that journey!

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

I could barely keep my eyes open at 10:30 pm, but then a hot flash came over me, and they often made me wide awake. That's OK though, I am inspired to press on ahead in the Bible Book Club, and the quietness at midnight is soothing to me. Thankfully, I do not have much going on tomorrow since we decided not to drive to Seattle. At the time we made the decision not to go, we were knee-deep in job transition and taxes. So, it is not a bad thing that we have a free weekend.

So I guess I am just starting work early. LOL! I was going to take a break while my computer keyboard was getting fixed, but I spent a good part of the day installing all the updates for my HP mini that I usually just use for traveling. It is nice to have it all updated because it runs much faster now. I really like this keyboard too. Now that my LOGOS Bible Software is also on my iPhone, I can look things up there as I study. The only disadvantage is that I cannot cut and paste things into the Bible Book Club post, but I do that so rarely that it really is not that big of a deal. So, I am happy.

Well, my quietness was just a bit shattered. Paul is up studying for his first chemistry test tomorrow. He says it is going fine.

I counted and only have 45 more posts to go, and I will be done with the BBC!! I do have the Messiah ones to edit from 2010 and new Jesse Tree posts to write, but most of them will be linking back to previous posts in the BBC. Those are "technically" not really BBC posts too and will not be included in the books. I am not counting them. 

What a journey this has been for me. I am so thankful for it. It has kept me in the Word so regularly, and it has helped me wrestle through some tough passages and helped me to articulate better. All the hours and hours and hours (I estimate somewhere between 3000 and 4000) have been so worth it. YAY GOD!

Twenty Five Minute Freewrite

I think I will give an update in all the areas today.

WELL-WATER SOUL

Who knew that I just needed permission to cut back on my "goals" for the year to get others goals finished. I was meeting on campus with Kathleen every week, but I was also wanting to just finish the Bible Book Club. She said, "Take off coming to campus on Wednesdays and Jesus Community and just write for two weeks." That is what I did! I loved the remainder of Acts and see why God had me wait until "such a time as this" as the Perspectives course was on "Acts of Obedience" in the reader (I posted a section of it in a previous post) by my old leader Steven Hawthorne. So, it fit right in to what God had been doing in my life. YAY GOD! Loved the richness of the extended time in the Word without interruption. I am a "mid-trovert" at heart. I need that balance of time alone with God and time with people, and after Jeff Johnson's visit, I was tipped over on the people side a bit too much! :)

So, now I am in 1 Corinthians and church discipline is on my mind. I have had to work through some lack of forgiveness toward my old church leadership, not for what they did against me, but what they did against my old pastor who is suffering health-wise now, and the trigger was their NON-BIBLICAL release of him in the early 2000's. It sent him into a big downward spiral. I have learned to "forgive them with Jesus' forgiveness from my gut" as Experiencing the Presence of God 24/7 would say!

I have LOVED praying through "Seek God for the City" and walking the streets of Corvallis! That has so enriched my prayer life! 

Prayer and word are balanced, and I love that!

WELL-EDUCATED MIND

I write a lot of book reviews. So I don't need to say much about this other than I feel like I have a very GOOD BALANCE in that area too. I have discontinued doing the early book reviews for people. They are very time-consuming, and most of the books are not very exciting, but every once in a while you come across ones that are lovely like Les Miserables, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, and Of Virgins and Martyrs. So, I am glad I did that more this year, but it is time to REALLY focus on JUST the Invitation to the Classics list (along with all the other books that already get thrown at me because people think I should read them OR I see them on an NPR book review, etc).

WELL-ADJUSTED HEART

I truly feel like God's destiny name for me: BOLDLY Beloved (had to bold that word!) is coming true. I had this peaceful boldness lately that is truly OF HIM and not of my own doing. Cannot describe it, but I am very healed, and I am learning to just forgive with Jesus' forgiveness with the slightest thing like being aced out of helping Michelle with meals by Lisa. I had to just forgive and realize that God has another assignment for me and that is to focus on finishing the Bible Book Club, my family, my ministry women (Leslie, Abi, Kathleen, Eunice, Sandy, Jennifer, and Rachel - Lord, I didn't realize it was so many!), and standing alongside friends in turmoil (Teala). Teala and Michelle are on an equal footing of need right now, but others want to step in and help, and that is very appropriate for me to just focus where God has planted me. ALL GOOD! I am glad I didn't send that letter to Lisa and Michelle and just let it go!!!!

WELL-TUNED STRENGTH OF BODY 

I am at fifteen minutes but on a roll!  I cannot ignore that God has done a supernatural work in me since December 20, but it really started when I decided to take that medical leave from the Club and concentrate on physical therapy for my back. That was the turn around, and I don't even know why I did it other than I was SO TIRED of having my back be better only to have me push a little bit more in the workout area to have a set back AGAIN when I was working out so diligently!

That and the sickness in October that sent me to the doctor and having a little higher blood pressure (when normally WAY low), blood sugar (which turned out to be totally normal on the second test), and LDL's. That just is not me. So,  I have lost 11% of my body weight even though the weight chart said I only need to lose 3% (I know what my "fighting" weight is, and it was lower than that) , but I have also got a whole new mindset when eating. I am "eating to live" now and not "living to eat." I have this mind shift that I have always wanted, and I know that it is supernatural. I know that I will not go back again. I know that maintaining this weight is my goal rather than losing the same few pounds and gaining them back again. I think what helped is knowing that I was gaining them back less quickly this time, and I was encouraged that I was going in the right direction (see an earlier post about that) of just burning 80-100 calories a day  more or consuming less on the eating side. That was doable for me to prevent gaining it back. I had improved, and this encouraged me to do so. 

I also know though, that I need to record what I eat because I still don't know when I am overeating that 80-100, and my issue was not gluttony because I dealt with emotional eating a long time ago. The issue was just lack of knowledge and food recording (and the gloriously effective Body Bugg) give me that knowledge that I need to make a choice to eat that caramel and dance around the living room for 10 minutes versus not eating that caramel. It is as easy as that. Knowledge is power.

I want to harness all this knowledge in a class for overweight women. I want to use my nutrition degree and college athletics background (I am only three pounds away from what I weighed when I was playing basketball my freshman year in college - how is that for battling the middle-aged bulge. Thank You and glory to YOU, God for that) AND communion with the LORD (prayerwalks being a key in this journey) to help women FLY and be all that God wants them to be without the nagging weight in the back of their mind as a failure issue. 

Anyway, my back is GREAT too. I only had had it go out when I do dumb things (like before - I just had not done dumb things for three years before I severed my tendon and LOST all what I had achieved previously). I also do preventative chiro appointments now and massages (although I will cut back on them to every other month since my insurance does not cover them).

The regular exercises and getting up from writing have revolutionized my life. I am so grateful for a new lease on everything.

Now I am done. No proofreading. Just sending. Sorry for the mistakes.

Thursday Thirteen Freewrite

The Well Update Via FACED

Several years ago, I started a FACED accountability group after having followed this for myself for years.

The letters stand for:

FOOD - reporting goals and intake

ACADEMICS or ATTITUDE - I like to keep growing in my love of literature, art, music, etc. Others report their attitude for the day.

COMMUNION with God and people - the center of it all!

EXERCISE 

DAILY CARE OF FAMILY AND SELF - goals for your household and personal care


Here is what I just wrote in my FACED Evaluation for the week reporting December 20 – 27, 2012:

FOOD AND EXERCISE

I have a BodyBugg. So, the calories burned is over 90% accurate based on medical studies. ALL "estimations" are too high, even for me, and my height should give a higher estimation of calorie burn, and all the estimations are WAY higher than what actually happens in your body. The BodyBugg is the only way to go for accuracy!!! It is also really helpful to see how just MOVING can burn more calories than going to a gym for a couple of hours a day.

BURNED: 2789 average per day

CONSUMED: 1689 average per day (based on my weight loss last week)

BALANCE: 1100 average deficit per day (2.2 pounds weight loss)

My food log was only 57 calories per day under-reported. 

Information on underreporting:

 The degree of underreporting can be quite severe.   One study comparing obese twins to their non-obese twin counterparts indicated underreporting of 764 calories per day.  Another study found certain individuals to be underreporting their food intake by over 2000 calories per day. (http://weightology.net/weightologyweekly/?page_id=379)

NUTRITION EVALUATION:

My fiber, calcium, and cholesterol intake were all GREAT!  My saturated fat was a bit high.

Goals for December 27, 2012 – January 3, 2013

FOOD

Reduce saturated fat to 20 g per day. I was 24g this last measurement period, but probably to be expected with holiday treats, and the ice cream I ate three times last week. Calorie deficit goal is 800, and I was 1100 last measurement period. YAY!

ACADEMICS (Well-Educated Mind)

Read the books I mentioned above and continue to participate in “52 Books in 52 Weeks” reading challenge.  Read Pensees by Blaise Pascal from Invitation to the Classics (hard for me to follow!)

COMMUNION (Well-Water Soul and Well-Adjusted Heart)

Continue God is in the Manger devotionals until Epiphany. Romans 16, Acts 8 & 13 (Because of my weight loss, I have earned the “right to write” these posts next week!) Prayer walks. Unreached people prayer daily (not as good about this during the Christmas season).

EXERCISE (Well-Tuned Strength)

My main goal is to move more overall – do you know my HIGHEST day of calorie burning was a day I did NO EXERCISE but just worked around the house all day?

Weight training: 2-3x during the week including 1 FIRM video or DVD, 1 FB30X at SNAP (upper torso emphasis), +  1 possible SNAP Circuit if I am feeling good

Back exercises – 10 minutes in morning and 5 minutes at night daily

Pilates – 1x on a cardio day at SNAP

Cardio – 6x variety of walk, bike, hike, and elliptical depending on weather conditions, walk or ride on errands as much as weather permits.

GOAL: Break my three month record of not seeing my chiropractor! Last time was December

DAILY CARE (Well-Adjusted Heart) 

George and I are not spending money on dates so that we can start saving for our 25^th anniversary trip in 2015. J  We will hike and walk and watch library DVD (ours has an amazing selection and they usually get whatever I ask for because they like me J)

Organize one closet – I can consistently BEND now! So, I am going through one a week after three years of not being able to do that!!!

Fifteen Minute Freewrite: Saturday Well Update

It is 6 am on a Saturday morning. I got up at 5 am. Not sure why, but I popped out of bed, and I am going with it. Had weird dreams that I needed to wake up from. Trying to fly out on a grassy meadow, but there were too many people around, and it inhibited my usual ability to fly in the stratosphere during other dreams. Sort of a bummer. :)

I think I will do a "Well" Update since I have not done for quite some time.

Well-Watered Soul/Well-Adjusted Heart

I am just going to combine these two this time. When it is well with my soul, my emotions are also doing great. It is well with my soul. I love being in Romans, even though it has taken me FOREVER to get through Romans 11, and I have struggled with how to communicate it. It is a great struggle. I am praying through the whole thing, wrestling with Paul's words.

So, emotionally, I am on an even keel. I haven't had any holiday "dip," but I haven't for quite a while now that I have thrown away to have my Christmas presents done by December 1st. I love shopping with others. I am just well. 


Well-Educated Mind 

I am on my 119th book for the year, Little Women. I do not know if I would have reread it had my book club not decided to read it for the second time in seven years (mostly new members in the group). I LOVE it. It is especially nice after some pretty sub-par, syrupy Christmas books that I am forcing myself to read. I had three books given to me for Christmas gifts over the years and three Christmas audiobooks that I got for free. So, I dove in thinking it was going include cozy reads. Dickens' short stories were about dead people, and the narrator on the audiobook for the classics stories was SO ANNOYING! I am struggling through Glenn Beck's Christmas Sweater. It is a sad story, but I am hoping it will pick up because it has REALLY dragged along!

All that to say, I have put my Invitation to the Classics list on hold for the rest of the year. 


Well-Tuned Strength

Last but not least, I am getting stronger daily. I had totally slacked off on overall body strengthening to focus on my back. So, I am weak in my upper body (not my lower as my cardio strengthens that). So, I am trying to get gain back strength. My back has been pretty good for three months, especially since I quit running, but I tried sprinting for the bus after a homeless man stopped me to talk "at" me last Tuesday. I had bags of clothing in both hands, and after I missed the bus (thanks Mr. Homeless Man), I walked three miles home. REALLY messed my back up. So, I went to Dr. Koen who is the BEST. Then, I had already scheduled my monthly massage with Jennifer who fixed me more. 

I am on the mend.

I scored high on my cardiovascular and muscle endurance tests with Trainer Trevor at the new gym I am going to. Michael, Paul, and I can go to this gym for the price of just one person at the Timberhill Athletic Club. So, I lost the pool and courts for my kids' health. That was an easy trade! I like the attitude of this trainer too, and the manager of the club is SO SWEET. I hate to say it, but the club was sort of snooty. It seemed like it had gotten snootier over the last year. So, I am just felt foreign there when it used to feel like home. I am not sure if it has changed or I have changed, but I think many of the less affluent people have left the club in favor of less expensive options that were not there five years ago. My new option also affords me the ability to run errands on foot if I walk there (only .8 of a mile downhill to get there). 

Well, the alarm went off a while ago, but I wanted to finish my thought. I must finish Romans 11 before book club today!

Many errors I am sure, but this is a freewrite so excuse me. 

Sunday Morning Freewrite Fifteen: Well Update

Well-Watered Soul/Well-Adjusted Heart

On this momentous occasion, I am combining SOUL/HEART in one. It seems like I talk about my SOUL, and when I get down to the HEART part, it has already been covered in SOUL. Our SOUL and HEART are intertwined. So, I am going to do my updates this way from now on. (Not that anyone care or reads these things, but I need to have it that way in my mind!)

Well, my soul is watered today. Nancy keeps telling me that when she goes on her big runs up into the hills, she has a spring that reminds her of me, and she prays for me based on the spring. She keeps saying that is always flowing, even in the heat of summer when all the other springs in the area are dry. Then she texts me and tells me. How sweet.

What is our constant Source? Duh! Jesus! But I think that many go to other springs that do run dry in the heat of summer. I went to a banquet called the Parade of Champions last week, and I just saw the futility of looking for our source at anywhere else but the capital "S" Source! Glory in sport. I dreaded going, but it was lovely to see old friends, and many of them were honored, but the tone was women's sports was the pinnacle of it all. It sort of made me gag. I prayed that God would show me why I was there since I really am not that into sports anymore (even though I am a college athlete). God sovereignly place my coach before me (I think I already free wrote about this, but it bears repeating) when she was supposed to be at a head table and all the table people requested to sit with her. At the end of the banquet she said (with a thick Japanese accent), "Little Carol, you were my 'ground'.  I sometimes get all the teams I ever coached mixed up in my mind, but I will never forget you."  My husband said, "Do you me Little Carol 'grounded' you?" She replied with an affirmative, "YES!"  I think it was because I just saw through the futility of all it all even back in 1978 at 19 years old. Aki (my coach) knew that I knew that there was more to life than putting a silly orange ball through a ring 10 feet above the ground, and it certainly wasn't something one gave their life to.

She has since retired and seen more of the spiritual side of life. She always introduces me as "Coaches Sweetheart." I love that woman.

After she said that, I embraced her and kissed her on the cheek with a tear. There was a reason why I came to that silly event! It is all about the people you encounter along the way and even silly events or silly sports put you in contact with those you would never encounter any other way.

If only I could convince my kids this because we have trained them to think sports are stupid, and we have neglected to really help them to see the benefits.  My bad.

Anyway, I also ran into a girl who is a former basketball player (1999-2003) who is a follower of Jesus. It was nice to sit next to her and be encouraged at her love for Him! YAY God.

Woops. Fifteen minutes is up, but I will keep on going because I want to do a full update. Maybe ten more minutes will do it. (Oh that was Leslie telling me she was going to church and not my timer, but it almost was because there was one minute to go!)

Well-Educated Mind

I am loving this. See my quote from Audrey Assad below about good art, books, and music. Love her philosophy about that.

I am loving the Invitation to the Classics list which evaluates classics from a Christian worldview. I didn't like 100 Great Books. I won't be recommending that list to anyone, and I am thinking I like the ITC one even better than The Well-Educated Mind list, but really the TWEM list taught me a ton that I really appreciate but did not necessarily enjoy where I am enjoying everything the ITC one puts out. They are discrete and protective of my spiritual side. There are some books on the TWEM list I think SW Bauer should take out! YUCKY!

Anyway, I am starting The Shorter Summa, and I love it. I don't think I need to read all of the Summa Theologica by Aquinas. The Shorter Summa is really all I need. It is concise and thoughtfully abridged. Thank you Peter Kreeft for saving me from 3,000 pages of too much theology for anyone's good!  I say read the Bible for your theology!

I am also reading quite a few Early Reviewer books through LibraryThing and Tyndale Publishers. I like writing these. I wish I could become a "travel the world restaurant reviewer"!

Well-Tuned Strength

This is probably one of the things I am most excited about. I am seeing as I move suddenly and get in and out of cars that I don't have those little twinges of pain that I have thought I had to live with for the rest of my life. I cannot remember if they were also not present before my November 2009 injury, but my back and neck are definitely BETTER. My massage therapist even said she noticed how much more responsive my back was to her. The muscles are aligning again because I am nipping any little tweeks in the bud and making sure I am doing those back exercises FAITHFULLY every day! DUH! What was I thinking not doing them? I guess I didn't know what they should be. The trainers would give me ones, and those were just NOT good for my back. I should have known and told them NO. Most athletic trainers are JOKES. I had three pretty bad ones at the club (and one bad massage therapist). I should have just told them, "HEY, I know my body, and we have to modify that one for my back safety." Those physical therapists have YEARS of training in the body, and I should have gone to them after my injury, but my insurance was lousy at that time. Now we have good insurance that pays for more preventative stuff instead of just when we have an immediate injury. BEST investment I ever made, and those physical therapists are much cheaper than the trainers anyway ($16 per visit versus about $60!).

I think I am canceling my membership at that club and going to another place that is 1/3 the price and will add my kids at a much cheaper rate too. They also have rewards for workouts, less snooty people, and classes on demand. So, I can have a class at a time that fits my schedule (i.e. in the afternoon versus right in the middle of my best writing time in the mornings). The only drawback is NO POOL, but I think if I train for a triathlon again, I will just go to the aquatic center and get a nice pass for the time I will train for it.

So, I really think I am on the mend to the pre-November 2010 body. I still am not tracking my food intake. That is, by far, the hardest thing for me to do! But I am very faithful to get daily exercise and am not overeating, but I could lose 5-10 pounds still!

Perfect. I am done! Thirty minutes of freewrite today. No proofreading but pressing!