Inner Compass

This book has been sitting on my shelf since 2018! I wanted to look at the first chapter because there is a spiritual direction exercise that I was exposed to that is adapted from the first chapter. 

Now that I have read the whole book, I see that the exercise, while great, really doesn't get to the essence of what she is saying in this book. So, I won't put her name on my handout as being "adapted from." Or I might change the exercise to fit what she is really saying. It is that good! 

This book is so good. As a director through the Exercises, I found myself underlining so many things that I would love to pass on to my directees. It is a valuable "take" on Ignatian spirituality!

FINDING CHRIST IN THE WORLD WEEK 10 - LIVING ALWAYS IN COMMUNION

 PRAYER TALK

We cannot grow closer to God our Lord in prayer without that closeness affecting our everyday life...Can you imagine Romeo in love with Juliet and then going about his life as though she didn't exist? ... we cannot go about our lives as though God did not exist...So, consolation: When things are going well, we acknowledge God's goodness and thank Him. We are aware that we believe in Jesus Christ and hope to remain faithful to Him...Then, desolation: When everything turns dark, we don't claim to be "depressed." "Desolation" is about me and god, and finally about me and those I love and who love me. Depression might need medicating. Desolation needs something else...When I am desolate, I first ask what I've done or not done. 

SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIP AND COMPANIONSHIP

The spiritual life is not a solitary journey...It's a pilgrimage, a common trip to a common goal... and we need fellow pilgrims. 

Jesus' resurrection is the beginning of God's new project not to snatch people away from earth to heaven but to colonize earth with the life of heaven. - N.T. Wright

Lord, I would like more local friends in the faith. 

BRIEF NOTE: GENEROUSLY GIVE WHAT?

Lord, I accept the gifts the Holy Spirit has given me and do feel generous enough to "put them at the service of others." 

For the Son of Man came to seek out and save the lost (Lk 19:10). I would like to do a study with S!

Use the special gifts you have given me for Your glory, Lord. Those are: Encouragement, leadership, shepherding, evangelism, discernment, and wisdom. I am generous with my time, heart, devotion. 

Jesus invited himself to the home of a person of peace. "Today salvation has come to this house."

BRIEF NOTE: WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF GOD

You will understand this as you grasp maturely that, created in the image of a Triune God, we are fully persona only in our relationships...We mature in membership (as "the people of God") as we grow aware of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, giving us a deep dignity and fiery freedom...You have been praying these weeks for a heart open to the truth that the Church's mission is to be the salt and light of the world (Matt. 5:13). Keep clear that this is the destiny set for you; it is not what you decided for yourself. Your destiny is the same as that of all those who are taken into communion by Christ.

I wrote: Fiery Freedom: It is for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). It was also in connection with the legalistic leadership of the retreat last week. 

KEEPING IN MIND: Review the relationships you live in - close family, wider family, your groups - and think about re-collecting or smoothing out where needed. And deepen them all. 

The blind man had to yell and keep yelling. That was a good word about persistence. 

Blind Bartimaeus - What do you want me to do for you? 

Where I am blind - In how to navigate our political divisions (as evidenced by the retreat last week and how politics came into play with the leader).

"What do you want me to do for you? (Mark 10:46-52)

1) Heal my back. It was great at the retreat, but it went out again when I got home. 

2) Partner with a media person for my multimedia idea for the next generation.

3) Have an in-person group of friends to do the Spiritual Exercises with. 

Being the People of God can be unwieldy and I must ... navigate vastly different political perspectives. 

I need to SHOUT for healing (it has gotten 100% better since yesterday). 

TOUCHSTONES for Week 10

• Humankind's new destiny as Christ's Mystical Body begins in Jesus's risen human life.
• Jesus' human experience sets the divine tone for human experience after Him; that's why we imitate Him.
• Consolation means we are living faith and hope and love well, however we feel.
• Desolation means we are troubled in our believing, hoping little and not loving much at all -- even when we think we are feeling all right.
• Desolation is most commonly connected with sinful living and taking our eyes off the God who loves us.
• Our koinonia or communion calls on and enables each disciple's special gifts and graces.
• Christ takes us into Himself, making us His Mystical Body in Holy Communion. 

FINDING CHRIST IN THE WORLD: WEEK NINE: THROUGH DEATH TO GLORY

I am not going to break my underlines/notes into so many separate sentences this time. I will just have general page headings.

INTRODUCTION

We are Jesus' brothers and sisters..."In the fullness of time," the Second Person of the Blessed Trinity came into our flesh...Jesus defeated death..."For anyone who is in Christ, there is a new creation; the old order is gone and the new being is there to see" (2 Cor. 5:18)...We come to this new being by a supernatural gift, a grace that enables us to do what our humanity cannot do by itself: survive death...everything begins, matures, gets old, and dies...we know more than that...we were meant from the beginning to live forever...we grasp that as He died, so we die, too...Partners in life and partners in death -- and in resurrection..."God is faithful - reliable, trustworthy, and [therefore] ever true to His promise, and He can be depended on; by Him, you were called into companionship and participation with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord (1 Cor. 1:9 AMP). COMPANIONSHIP AND PARTICIPATION.

PRAYER TALK: PRAYING ABOUT JESUS' PASSION

Pay close attention to the human...His actions, what He says and what He refuses to say, how He relates to friend and enemy - to try to fathom what this perfect holy man willingly went through...One mark of His humanness is Jesus' quaking fear of what was going to happen...we keep trusting the Father utterly and absolutely -- because the Creator loves and trusts us utterly and absolutely...He knew that the Father wanted HIm to keep loving. He trusted the Father's love, "Not my will, but yours be done."...You're in the middle of a mystery here, but believe that no matter what human disorder inflicts on you, God's love is steady. Jesu believed that when He said, "your will be done." ...Jesu remained loving - and brave - when they arrested him. "let these go."..He had the power to make all that go away...we are joined to Jesus Christ and our experiences are already bringing - by God's power and grace - the Reign of Christ.

WEEK NINE: I beg to feel sorrow with Jesus in His suffering and to know how it matters to me.

DAY ONE

BRIEF NOTES: CALLED BY NAME

He saw light. Then he saw a face he knew well and felt great joy...You'll hear your name and you'll see light and in that light, you will see Jesus Christ, your Savior. And with Him, all the other saints and angels. 

Jn 11:1-44 Raising of Lazarus

He whom you love is ill. this does not lead to death. It is for God's glory... But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him...I am the resurrection and the life...Do you believe this?... Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world...Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?... Father, I thank you for having heard me...When he had said this, he cried with a loud voice, "Lazarus come out!... Unbind him, and let him go.

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him." I thank you for having heard me.

God had one Son on earth without sin, but not a single one without suffering. St. Augustine

DAY TWO

BRIEF NOTES: THE WHOLE OF ME

When I take you to myself, I brush off everything that is not you. So let me wash your feet, all right?

KEEP IN MIND: You will be gently, reverently, entering into Jesus' heart and mind as the power of evil does its utmost to destroy Him. Do not be afraid: He opens His heart to you.

Jn 13:1-15 The Last Supper

Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end...The devil had already put it into the heart of Judas...he had come from God and was going to God...began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel...you ought to wash one another's feet...I have set you an example..you also should do as I have done to you.

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: He loved his own...loved them to the end.

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

As the Lord's supper, I notice a few things I had not considered before...He loved his own to the end. 

When I see what Jesus is doing...I see I want to...serve others.

What would it be like if I gave myself to Jesus as Peter did - "then all of me, Lord!" - what would that be like? He was zealous but had little knowledge. So I'm not sure I want to be like Peter (but he came through it in the end after he denied Him three times). 

Jesus comes to wash my feet, and I ... cry and am humbled by his love...that I would be one of the ones he would include as I have always been one who felt excluded my whole life. 

DAY THREE

KEEP IN MIND: When you pray using lectio divina or meditation or contemplation, you'll find that they give you a good chance to get to know the people around Jesus of Nazareth. 

During this week: You are likely to be more mindful of the people in your family and life world. When someone comes into your consciousness, pray for their needs and for their eternal life. 

Jn 13:1-15 Repetition of the Last Supper

Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end...you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. 

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Listening and loving that is how I wash people's feet. (C, C, J - the women I met with this week)

"Let us throw ourselves into the ocean of His goodness, where every failing will be canceled and anxiety turned into love." St. Paul of the Cross. 

DAY FOUR

BRIEF NOTES: SIGN OF GLORY

We are not so used to seeing that Jesus of Nazareth, in his Passion, was only doing what love does...St. Ignatius says that love consists in what we do... God is love and love wants to share in a partake of everything that belongs to the beloved. And we are the beloved - "precious in His eyes and honored, and He loves us" (Is. 43:4). His heart opens to us... He embraced our humanness, as it is. He wanted to share everything we are and have - except sin..." ours were the sufferings he was bearing, ours the sorrows he was carrying" (Is. 53:4)...The Son of God, who is God, knows what it is when we call on Him in our sufferings. He hasn't forgotten. He still has the wounds in His flesh. they don't hurt anymore, though. They're a sign of glory...So will all of ours be.

KEEP IN MIND: You'll want to think sometimes about the injustice done to Jesus. He was saddened by the bad will and hatred shown HIm. He was deeply grieved by the lies told to His face. Just think some times during the days, even for just a few minutes, about what He went through. It might help to have a picture of the Sacred Heart or a crucifix near...He accepts the Father's will.

Mk 14:32-42 Agony in the Garden

Deeply grieved...threw himself on the ground...remove this cup from me, yet, not what I want, but what you want...spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Same as notes above.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." CS Lewis

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

Here and now, maybe in something hard or painful, I want to know what God wants regarding...my pain - I do feel the pain has passed..."God, knows what it is when we call on Him in our sufferings. He hasn't forgotten. He still has the wounds in His flesh. they don't hurt anymore, though. They're a sign of glory."

In my life at present, I recognize God's will in ...allowing me to suffer and be rejected.

I know I have accepted God's will when ... I am at peace. 

DAY FIVE

Mark 14:32-42 Repetition of Agony in the Garden

Remove this cup from me...pray that you may not come into the time of trial... The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Remove this cup of back pain from me. 

DAY SIX

BRIEF NOTES: FORGIVING

Jesus explicitly and generously forgave those who were trying to destroy Him...Even while they were crucifying Him, Jesus asked the Father to forgive them...love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matt. 5:44)...be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate (grow into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, "having reached the proper height and virtue and integrity."... You must, therefore, set no bounds to your love, just as your heavenly Father sets none to his" (Matt. 5:48)...Right here is the deepest reason why we forgive those who have hurt us. We might have to confront them or challenge them, but we do that with a mind to forgive them, however hard that is...holding resentments or immersing ourselves in bitterness is sinful, and we risk hurting ourselves more than the ones we are not forgiving. But our real reason for forgiving, it that God the Father forgives. And the Son has earned the right for us to forgive, too...First, He asks the Father to forgive them. Then He gives the Father a reason: "they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34)...He needed to put some meaning into the brutal things they were put to doing...It has proven a very powerful pattern to follow when you have not forgiven someone for something hard. Set yourself to think of the reasons why they could do what they did or are doing. What happened or is happening in their life that hey can do something like this?... When you try to see how they could acts as they do, you are going compassion. You are in some sense suffering with them, as your compassionate Savior has done - and still understands.

NOTES: Forgive the person, Father, for that person knows not what that person does. The person is ______. I can have compassion. I had forgiven even back then, but it is always really good to be reminded of this every time I see Jesus hanging the Cross. This is the way of love. 

Luke 23:33-46 The Cross

Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing...scoffed at him...He saved others, let him save himself if he is the Messiah of God, his chosen one. 

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

I forgive them for being so judgmental of me without cause for not liking me or seeking to know me.

I would like to hear God say to me...Today you will be with me in Paradise. 

DAY SEVEN 

KEEP IN MIND: pray the Our Father slowly and attentively. Our prayer is somehow our own, but the Lord Jesus taught us His prayer, the Our Father...If God thinks of you as that important, what difference does anyone else's opinion make, or your own, of yourself? 

Luke 23:33-46 Repetition of the Cross. 

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Today you will be with me in Paradise! I am so looking forward to today, LORD. Would you please heal me of the pain. There was a time a few weeks ago that I did a full-body scan, and I had no pain. Even on my anniversary getaway, I had no pain. Please I beg for that freedom. 

God gave me freedom from the pain for my six-day retreat at Mt. Angel. 

TOUCHSTONES for WEEK NINE:

• The Christian narrative of earthly life assigns a deeply positive meaning to human suffering.
• Jesus of Nazareth chose to embrace everything humankind goes through and all that we inflict on ourselves.
• Every mature disciple of Jesus correctly feels that their suffering is completing Christ's wor on earth.
• As Jesus did, we ask the Father to relieve us of suffering even while accepting it.
• Jesus' Passion impresses on or hearts how utterly and entirely God loves us.
• Jesus' Resurrection gives us the hope that our suffering and death will end in glory. 

Finding Christ in the World - Week Eight: Jesus of Nazareth, Our Model

INTRODUCTION (p. 142)

"Take him as your pattern" (Eph. 5:1). I added the Amplified translation, "Therefore be imitators of God -- copy Him and follow His example -- as well-beloved children [imitate their father]

This was my birthday week, and this verse set me into thoughts about my earthly father and all the good things he gave me through his example. That was so nice. I have such warm memories of water-skiing, and my dad being so encouraging and loving. 

"You've got the ticket." That is what he would say when he would praise me. 

The Introduction talked about pondering Jesus' human character and his spiritual convictions and practices. 

The things I underlined were: He was determined to always do God's will. He was truthful. A real leader, He was faithful to the Law. He was compassionate too, telling the Widow of Nain, "Don't cry!" and giving her back her only son (Luke 7:13). He was generous. His spirituality was marked by a lot of prayer. He asked the Father for what He wanted, and He trusted the Father utterly. He had great power and authority. 

I "hearted" these:

But be aware that "to know" can mean having lots of theoretical learning or bible memory. That's not what we're talking about here.

The "to know" here means to get into Jesus' mind and heart and to grow a feeling for His beauty and truth. When we're kids, we often want to be "like" somebody. Now we're adults, and the one we want to be like is Jesus of Nazareth. 

PRAYER TALK: IMITATION OF CHRIST (p.143)

You have asked the Father for this great grace: to know Him, love Him, and follow Him. Now you want to ask for the even greater grace of being like Him.

The first thing He models is living so that He is always doing God's will (John 5:19). 

You are like Him in this too, if you embrace belonging to the Body of Christ, the Church. The Father chose the people to whom you belong and who belong to you. 

Then, He was born into a people who lived in a covenant with the One God. 

With the help of His cousin John the Baptist, He chose His vocation -- not to be a hermit, or a prophet like John and Isaiah, but to be a healing, teaching presence among His people. 

Jesus was given His human life in a nation under tyranny. he accepted, and you will imitate Him if you accept gratefully where you are, and when you live. 

He went up to Jerusalem in the end having told the disciples what would happen, and trusting the Father to bring glory out of bitter defeat. 

Here is a sentence form the Imitation of Christ, Chapter 56: "Follow me...I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Without the Way, there is no going; without the Truth, there is no knowing; without Life, there is no living. I am the Way you are to follow; I am the Truth you are to believe; I am the Life you are to hope for."

Whatever comes, recognize the hand of God -- embrace joyfully, detach just as joyfully -- and in all trust the Father as utterly as Jesus did. Surely this is the first step to being like Him. 

BRIEF NOTE: IMAGINE THAT (p. 144)

Imagine that you have been notified that you are the only living descendant of the king that just died. 

The Father's voice thundered, "My Beloved Son!" And Jesus had to accept that.

We are to imitate Him in this, for sure. For all the indications are clear: we have been "marked out beforehand, to be God's adopted children" (Eph. 1:5). The issue now is whether we are willing to accept being special to the Almighty Creator of all the universes -- and of seven billion human beings currently alive! 

We can accept in a yes-or-no way, and we can also accept in a more-or-less way. In Jesus, it was only yes. He accepted His power and authority. He accepted the things He must do as the Father's will. He bowed even to suffering and death. He just kept saying yes. 

As He did, we must do -- keep saying yes. As He did, so do we have to exercise the gifts of the Holy Spirit enabling us to give ourselves wholeheartedly o God: wisdom, understanding, fortitude, piety, and the rest. 

We have to love ourselves as He loved Himself. We have to accept being special to the Father -- to being the royalty of our nation, as it were.

We who receive the Body and Blood of God's Son in the Eucharist are surely special to the Father. 

All of this may confound us and it certainly does challenge us. But it is surely a great joy. 

Grace for the Week: I ask to know Jesus more clearly, love Him more dearly, and be like Him more nearly. 

Day 1 - Matthew 3:13-17 (Jesus' Baptism) 

Jesus wants us to know his intimate feelings and thoughts. 

"This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well-pleased." 

My Thought for the Day: "I am well-pleased. You've got the ticket. I'm glad I made you."

Quote by Shusaku Endo (the man who wrote the book I just reviewed: Silence!) 

"The reason our religion has penetrated this territory like water flowing into dry earth is that it has given to this group of people a human warmth they never previously knew."

What about My Life? Applying Your Prayer

Do I allow God to say to me, "You are my beloved child"?  Yes-or-no, more-or-less, or ...

It is a BIG YES. This sent me into memories of my dad saying, "You've got the ticket." There is never once in my relationship with my earthly father that I didn't feel 100% special. I was his only beloved daughter. I was his princess. 

When I say yes to God's insisting, "You are my beloved child," I feel ...

Happy...blessed...joyful!

God is generous and His gifts to me. These are gifts that make me feel I am special to Him right now...

The ability to listen and love people right where they are at. 

I note the virtues Jesus lives out as he acdepts the Father's declaration, especially...

Just did the will of the Father! He went out in power and authority! 

When I accept the Father's declaration, the virtues of Jesus I want to grow and start with...

Power and authority!

Day 2 - Repetition of Day 1

You have freedom to compare your own thoughts and feelings to Jesus'. 

The Spirit of God descended like a dove and alighted on him. 

My Thought for the Day: Spirit of the living God fall afresh on me. 

Day 3 - Mark 1:16-20 (Calling of Peter and Andrew, James and John)

BRIEF NOTE: BELONGING AND COMMUNION

When Jesus called Peter and Andrew, he was calling them to live in communion with himself. 

A singer in a choir: she sings the notes that all are singing and keeps perfect time with the others... And in the harmony of the choir, she finds great freedom and joy...She is detached from her special attitude toward her own voice and musical preferences...She is free to set them aside to be in harmony with the others. 

Communion is like that. Peter was a fisherman and he had his ways and habits. He laid them aside when he joined Jesus' other disciples. So did all of the apostles and disciples...They had to set ambition aside to be in harmony with Jesus. 

Real detachment like Jesus' means you love the earth and all God has given you...and you rejoice and praise God for them all. That first. Then, you hold yourself free to do what God calls on you to do.

The crucial detachment comes when you let go of someone or something because som sin looms. But growing like Jesus means that you keep developing his mindset of detachment. 

When harmony requires it, you make yourself free and choose to be in harmony with the rest. This is communion. 

They left their nets immediately and generously. 

My Thought for the Day: My net to leave is ____'s approval and love of me. I can hope it happens, but I have to detach myself from it. 

Quote by Anonymous:

"Jesus' invitation 'Follow me' is given in some manner to every Christian. Each of us baptized in Christ is called not only to live in the reign of God but also to help establish it." 

What about My Life? Applying Your Prayer

To do what Jesus is asking; I find the most difficult thing to detach from is ... Approval from George' s family.

I choose to be part of a Christian community because...I love it, and it encourages me to grow.

I feel the harmony in my Christian community when... we worship, pray, and draw closer to Jesus and are salt and light to the world. 

I help maintain harmony in my Christian community by...being quick to hear (lots of listening), slow to speak, and slow to anger. 

Jesus calls me to be with Him now in ... harmony with his heartbeat. 

Day 4 - Repetition of Day 3

God cherishes you as you are (and can handle your snits). 

Try to remember noticing what characteristics Jesus is showing, especially His virtues and gifts.

Jesus waits for no special time to call His first apostles. He invites them to something more important than catching fish. They respond to him immediately and generously. 

"I will make you fish for people."  "They left their father Zebedee...and followed him." 

My Thought for the Day: Left family to follow and fish. today let me follow and fish. 

"God is not content with doing something for us, but seeks to involve us in his merciful action." David Fleming, S.J.

BRIEF NOTE: ACTIVE LOVE, DEEPER VIRTUES (p. 152) 

Jesus showed us how to be like God the Father...watching Him helps ut to know what ongoing conversion we need to embrace. 

But the mature disciple has a whole field of virtues to develop, and Jesus' example helps us tremendously here, because "everything he does is good" (Mark 7:37). 

Virtues of Jesus: obedient, loving, dissident, prudent, resolute, fortitude, gentle, meek, humble, tender, absolute, courageous, restful. 

"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). 

Day 5 - Mark 7:31-37 (Healing of the deaf man)

"He has done everything well." 

My Thought for the Day: Be open to hear and proclaim only you. 

"Discipleship means following a person. It is not simply doing certain actions and asking "what would Jesus do?", but also about becoming a certain kind of person." Gerald M. Fagin, S.J.

What About My Life? Applying Your Prayer

Make a list of your virtues and good qualities. Be honest and admit good things when they are there...

Loving, kind, joyful, enthusiastic, caring, listening, encouraging, committed, responsible, strong, funny, fun, challenging, pace setting, leader. 

To further develop virtues and good qualities I desire, I need to do (or to avoid)...

watching people with BAD virtues and qualities on reality TV! Not watch the news. 

I know I must ask God's help in and grace for... self-control in eating. Boldness and authority. 

Day 6 - Repetition of Day 5

Reverently recall you are always in the Holy presence of God.

Try to be grateful for the good that God has done and is doing in you and through you. 

The people who observed the healing told more zealously when he told them not to. 

They were astounded beyond measure. "He has done everything well." 

My Thought for the Day: Touch me. Unplug my ears so I hear clearly about this retreat." 

"Virtues deal with the ordinary events of our lives. They are concerned with the interplay between our habits of heart and our actions. Virtues are dispositions of heart hat guide our actions." Gerald M. Fagin, S.J. 

Day 7 - John 5:2-7 (Healing at the Pool by the Sheep Gate) 

BRIEF NOTE: OPEN TO POSSIBILITIES

We get so fixated on getting rid of some habit we want to be rid of that we don't hear an invitation to lear it in god's hands. We get so ear to "get it right" and "do the right thing" that we forget how God loves us for ourselves, not for this or that habit or some special way we act. 

The man at Bethesda was invited to accept grace. He was so busy explaining himself that Jesus had to be blunt. "Get up!" 

If at times surprising or hard or even drastic things happen to you, it might be that God is just doing what Jesus did. Listen: "Get up!" 

"Do you want to be made well? ...Stand up, take your mat and walk." 

My Thought for the Day: I want to be made well (of my people-pleasing). ___ has a choice to be made well, and that is her choice. Get up and walk away!  "Go in peace, glorifying the Lord by your life."

TOUCHSTONES (p. 158)

• We want to know Jesus in such a way that we are transformed by Him.
• We want a relationship that allows us to imitate Him and to be more like Him.
• The Holy Spirit will help us enter into Jesus' heart and mind so we can know Him more clearly, love Him more dearly, and be like Him more nearly.
• The "communion of the Holy Spirit" invites us to be detached even from our gifts and skills.
• Each of us has to say yes to be shaped by the Holy Spirit into Jesus' likeness.
• Jesus shows us what virtues we might strengthen or develop.

IMAGINE: The Pause - Looking back and coming out of COVID lock down with Iona

Notes from "The Pause" 

You can do this exercise here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjW7Il7Fo9I

COVID has helped us to slow down. Pausing to really think about it. It is a "liminal space" for global humanity. It fertile and space for new possibilities if we are willing to pay attention and not rush to the next thing. 

This saying comes to mind:

"Don't just do something, stand there"

Be intentional about not launching in the doing. What are the gifts latent in this space? God does not stand aloof and watches us in our "merry mess" who is intimately involved and laboring for good and the flourishing of life. 

Look back over the months and notice. 

How is God present to you here and now? Very. Right there with me. 

Ask for help in remembering the glimmers of life God has been weaving during this time of COVID-19. Trust what comes to your memory and not every minute detail. 

In your memory take yourself back to right before the lockdown impacted you. Where were you and what were you doing?

I had a wonderful dinner and a Downton Abbey movie with Nancy. I went out with Amy at Applebee's. Pilates with a great class of eager students. I love my job and face to face. The very last thing was a long walk with Kim in the south end of town. School had already stopped for the kids, but we talked and talked and walked and walked. Also had Renovare meeting at six feet apart in my living room. 

Initial Shift to these different times. What do you remember? What was going on in the shift?

Sister Joan canceled my first supervision meeting with the group. We realized we would have to do Enneagram Studio E and my final module with Sustainable Faith School of Spiritual Direction by ZOOM. 

Wondering if Paul had COVID because there was the first patient, and he had cleaned the room. We could not find a thermometer or hand sanitizer or beans or toilet paper, but we were fine. I started looking at all the numbers and prayed for each country in Europe that week in the Seek God for the City app. Europe was getting it really bad at that point, especially Italy and San Marino. 

Chris died of COVID. :( One of the first people in Washington. 

Things that you found difficult or you had trouble with because of the lockdown?

The scramble to figure out how to teach Pilates by ZOOM. The learning curve was really high for me. The technology was challenging. I had done lots of ZOOM one on one and even a couple of group meetings (more Skype in the group though), and it was challenging for me to enjoy the preparation. 

What are the things that you have been missing or people and parts of life?

I really did not like teaching Pilates remotely. Half of the reason why I do it is getting on campus, seeing coworkers two times a week, and seeing my students two times a week. I love the interaction that I have with many of them as I am teaching. There are always some I bond with through conversations before and after. I miss my regulars who graduated, and I probably will not see them again. :( 

I like face-to-face spiritual direction meetings. 

Seeing Debbie for the last Boise Spiritual Direction module and what a gift it was to revitalize our friendship after not seeing each other very often. 

With that missing, maybe you have realized what you cherish and what is important to you. 

Being part of the larger Oregon State Unversity community vibe. I love the interaction with people I run into on campus, riding my bike there and back, seeing students, and moving with them in Pilates. Seeing them grow in technique. 

Small intimate gatherings over food and wine with low light and deep conversation with people. 

One on one with people

Spaces of Life opened up and more fertile during Covid-19?

Intimate lunchtime or evening walks with George. More time to talk together. 

Broader things opened up.

Saving lots of time commuting up and back to Portland for the rest of Studio E and going back and forth to Boise one more time. 

Love more time at home just being cozy at my home. I love my home. 

More time with Paul. 

Seeing Italy and the singing and the lauding of first responders. 

Seeing "Some Good News" with John K. 

Also, meeting CP and HB and the possibility of doing more Spiritual Direction online than I ever realized. Reaching a wider group of people. 

What might God want to draw your attention to?

Family is first on my priorities. My marriage is a first priority, and this is an amazing answer to prayer that we prayed to be together after seven years of him living up in Newberg/Hillsboro during the week. The timing was perfect for him to take care of his aunt in her last days and to be with his mom, but that time is over. We feel called to be back together every evening, and we don't want to go back to the way it was before COVID-19. 

It was also confirmation that we were at the end of our missional community time after a year of a being together that was really good. God is revealing we love one on one and smaller group time. 

If you could take one thing from COVID that would expand your life and the life of the world, what would it be?

Being with George full time again. 

Life of the world? More prayer for the whole world. It was really great to pray for each country during this time. I have been doing it since my teens, but it took on even deeper meaning to have us all in this fight together. 

What might you need to ask for to help you to foster or collaborate with that?

Ask for George to be given the freedom to telecommute after COVID-19 is over. 


I give thanks for remembering all the GOOD things that have happened as a result of COVID. 

The First Exercises Freewrite - "Inner Peace in Darkness and Light" Week Three

I have been doing this with a group of 12 other people through the SEEL Portland Group. The book contains four 25 days prayer retreats. This one has lasted from May 17-June 7. We have daily prayer Monday-Thursday, a different kind of Examen, Saturday, and some kind of Sunday service. 

Week Three is about asking for the grace to direct my whole self to the service of Jesus the healer and desiring to be raised to life. 

Today, we have three healing stories for prayer: Jairus' daughter, the widow's son, and Lazarus. I read the texts and then decide on one to put myself in the scene. 

I chose Lazarus (Jn 11) and listening to "The Tomb" by Pray as You Go and Sacred Space. 

"I am the resurrection and life. Those who believe in me, even though they die will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."

I put myself in Mary's shoes. She had her doubts too. How do I respond to my doubts and fears?

The meditation ends with "Then, I surrender my vulnerabilities and healing to the Lord, so that he may better work through me. I offer, if he wills, to help heal and encourage others. 

Conversation: Thank you Lord for the faith that "makes me well." I do feel so well. It is well with my soul. I feel so healed. I feel such a sense of calm as I sit here at 6:15 this morning on what will be a 74-degree day (I always say a perfect day is between 70-75 degrees). I know that the cities across America have been burning, but I think last night was calmer. They called in the National Guard in many of them. But there is peace in my soul. There is sadness but there is peace. 

Back to the healing. I think I am finally fully healed from the traumatic event at the end of December. I might even be ready to put the things I wrote and then pulled back on here. It is documentation of a process from hurt to healing and new life. I am more convinced than ever of God's calling and choosing me, not because of my own effort, but just because that is what God does; he calls and chooses people not because they are better or special, but he just has a plan for everyone, and I know that his plan for me involves spiritual direction and especially direction through the Exercises.

Call it direction. Call it shepherding. Call it discipleship. Call it healing prayer. I have been doing this for 40 years, ever since Sharyl said, "Will you help me grow?" That was 1980. I made a mess of it because I was following the premade plan that was laid out for me by my leaders, but I always ended up doing direction (not knowing that is what it was). That road of growth fit and was so much more conducive to how God wired me. I just made it formal by getting this certificate, but I know I have been doing it all along, even when my leaders were encouraging me otherwise. It is nice to just call it that and not have to be a "listening and inner healing prayer" person either when sometimes that just did not fit the moment. That was just not the best thing. I was always more interested in hearing their story. 

I have been raised to new life. :)

Well, in three minutes, I start my intercession time for my great city of Corvallis. Then write my paragraph for Dale and my LAST Enneagram training class. Then, teach my final two RELAXATION Pilates classes at OSU! So TTFN. 

The Examen Prayer Card

58. Moment by Moment: A Retreat in Everyday Life

I liked many of the questions that are posed during each of the 32 "moments," but some of them were very difficult to figure out what the authors were getting at in the questions. I felt like I needed a commentary from the authors to explain. 

I did like some of the "Suggestions" though. I was especially touched after the Incarnation exercise to have it suggested that I go to a public space and sit and watch people for 5 to 10 minutes to "gaze upon the people in reverence for our shared humanity in all its diversity." I did that in my doctor's office, and it was profound!  

I will definitely use some of the things from this book when I am directing people through the exercises, but I wouldn't use this as the primary text for people doing the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises. The Exercises have a beautiful order to them, and I felt like many things in this book were taken so out of order that it just didn't flow as beautifully as the Exercises are meant to flow (like why am I looking at my Graced History in Moment 18 when most interpretations of the Exercises do it in the Preparation Days and First Week - it just seemed out of place and too late in the process). I feel like it doesn't emphasize Ignatian Contemplation which is a hallmark of the Exercises.

Update March 2020: I have since completed 19 of the 32 moments in the book because I had recommended it to someone looking for a shorter version of the Exercises. While things are out of order, I do think there is a beauty to it that was designed by the authors. I still agree that there is a not emphasis or guidance on Ignatian Contemplation. So the Scriptures were given (good ones) are merely read and not contemplated, which I see as the beauty that Ignatius has brought to our world. All that said, this book would be great for people who need exposure to the Exercises but would be too intimidated by the longer version. Each moment took about 45 minutes to pray through. I already have a dream of bringing a group through this in seven-weeks which would involve about 20 minutes of prayer a day. So, I think this book definitely has a place in the whole realm of possibilities for people who want to taste the Exercises. (Oh, and for Protestants, there is only one place so far Moment 19 where there is a suggestion to "pray to Mary.")

57. The Ignatian Adventure: Experiencing the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius in Daily Life

While I am receiving individualized spiritual direction during this round of doing the Exercises, this is a wonderful book for someone who does not have anyone to direct them! 

Nothing More Practical

Nothing is more practical than

finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

Attributed to Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ (1907-1991)

From Finding God in All Things: A Marquette Prayer Book © 2009 Marquette University. Used with permission.

38. Letting God Come Close: An Approach to the Ignatian Exercises

I did the Spiritual Exercises last year, and LOVED the entire experience (so much so that I am doing it all over again with my husband). This was fun to read from the viewpoint of giving the Spiritual Exercises as a Spiritual Director (which is what I am now being trained to do - stay tuned). I really like William Barry's writing style, and I learned nuances about the exercises. I wouldn't necessarily recommend reading this book unless you have gone through them or at least more familiar with them. 

It was a worthwhile read! 

Ignatian Retreat - Evaluation Questions

This Ignatian Adventure has been the greatest thing about the last three months. It is not part of the Renovaré Institute, but the Prayer of Examen is (we read A Simple Life-Changing Prayer by Manny), and it led me to do this retreat. 

Here is a summary of what the Spiritual Exercises are all about:

1. Encounter the living God and God’s presence in creation, their personal life stories and current life circumstances;

2. Better discern their deepest desires to understand God’s call and presence in their lives and in the world; and

3. Become Contemplatives in Action; experiencing and grasping more deeply the Ignatian vision of Finding God in All Things.

I felt I needed to let God lead me through it rather than go through the predetermined format of the liturgical year. (I also wanted it to line up with what our Kingdom Community is meditating on throughout the week.) Most SEEL (Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life) are formatted around our busy lives. One book I have says that it is about 30-45 minutes a day of focused prayer time; and because I have been given the sleepless elite gene, I decided to steward it well by giving my mornings to more extended times of prayer through these exercises. So, I focused on the grace for the week by listening to the great online retreat recordings that I had loaded on to my iPhone and played through my Echo every morning as I made my tea. 

Ignatius was big on flexibility. There is the 30 day retreat (20th Annotation) where one goes to a retreat center and goes through all the exercises in that period of time. This is very expensive ($4195), and the closest one for me is 10 hours away in Los Altos, California. I wish I could do it someday though, but the one in 2018 is while we are in France.

There are many nine-month programs (19th Annotation according to Ignatius). My friend is in one in Portland where she has assignments each day for 30 minutes and then goes to a retreat center one Saturday morning a month. She also meets with a spiritual director ($445 but not sure if it includes the spiritual director meeting). 

I evaluated much of this with my spiritual director, and it was so great. She is trained in leading someone through the Spiritual Exercises, and I love her insights.

One question from the reflection week of the retreat was where I wanted to focus in this freewrite:

Did I experience conflicts, difficult times, differently because of how I placed them in the context of being with and in Jesus during this retreat?

Absolutely, positively YES! I can honestly say that this was the BEST thing about the retreat for me. I found myself bringing Jesus into these difficulties in real time. 

Often, when things are difficult, I pretty quickly turn to the Lord after the conflict, but during the retreat I found myself sensing his presence as it occurred. He gave me such grace to handle three difficult situations between December 23 and January 14 as they were occurring. It was really cool. So, I am grateful for the real time engagement with Jesus during it, and all three of them ended up with such peace and resolve. Two involved me engaging head on and getting apologies that I did not expect, but the third, I felt God saying to let it go and move on and let George handle things from here on out, and we got an apology for that one too! So, amazing! 

So, I am sold on these exercises for everyone! I heartily recommend it. I don't know if I would ever do the 30 day retreat because I don't think I could be away from George for all that time! Plus, it is very expensive, but maybe I could do an abbreviated 8 day one or something like that. 

Well, I am off to do other things. 

Ingnatian Retreat Week 33 -- God’s Love for Us, Our Response

Used with permission.
http://magis.creighton.edu/~dollsj/

First Point.  This is to recall to mind the blessings of creation and redemption, and the special favors I have received.

I will ponder with great affection how much God our Lord has done for me, and how much He has given me of what He possesses, and finally, how much, as far as He can, the same Lord desires to give Himself to me according to His divine decrees.

Then I will reflect upon myself, and consider, according to all reason and justice, what I ought to offer the Divine Majesty, that is, all I possess and myself with it.  Thus, as one would who is moved by great feeling, I will make this offering of myself:

Receive, O Lord, all my liberty.
Take my memory, my understanding, and my entire will.
Whatsoever I have or hold, You have given me;
I give it all back to You
and surrender it wholly to be governed by your will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
and I am rich enough and ask for nothing more.
(Spiritual Exercises, #234) 

Another translation:
Take, Lord, and receive
all my liberty, my memory,
my understanding, my entire will—
all that I am and possess.
You have given all this to me.
I now return it all to you.
It is yours now.
Use these gifts according to your will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me, and all that I desire.


"I ask God to give me an intimate knowledge 
of the many gifts I have received, 
that filled with gratitude for all, 
I may in all things 
love and serve the Divine Majesty." 
(Spiritual Exercises, #233) 

Intimate knowledge.
That's what I ask you for, Lord.  
I want that insight, that understanding, that knowledge
that will be about our intimacy.

Many gifts.
Let me count the ways you have loved me.
The gifts of your love.
All that you have given me.
All that I am.
I so often look at my shortcomings.
Let me see the gifts.
All of them.

Filled with gratitude.
Fill me, Lord, with gratitude.
Let my heart, 
sometimes filled with so much else,
be filled with thanksgiving.
Give me the feelings of gratitude,
of a grateful heart.
Joy, freedom, peace, generosity.

In all things love and serve.
Let the overflowing gratitude in my heart
touch all the things and people in my life.
Every thought, word and deed.
Every hurt, every slight, every loss.
Every reaction and response.
Every opportunity and choice.
Every offering of myself.
In all,
let me love and serve you.
Amen.

6. Retreat in the Real World: Finding Intimacy with God Wherever You Are

I have been doing the Creighton University Online Retreat since the Fall so I decided to get the print version of the online retreat to take it with me when I do not have easy access to internet. I love this book! I just read an article about how the Online Retreat came to be, and I love the spirit in which it was started:

https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2016/10/19/if-youre-reading-you-can-take-spiritual-exercises-online

This is an adaptation of the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. It is an "annotation" as he recommended a 30 day retreat at a retreat center with daily spiritual direction. I looked up the prices of this, and it is about 3000! So, this is a FREE option if you do the online, and in some ways, it is more practical because you invite God into your everyday life rather than remove yourself from everyday life in order to go on this retreat. 

I started this in the fall, and I have gone at a faster speed than the weeks because I wanted the weeks to line up with where our Kingdom Community is, and we usually get to the Crucifixion about a month earlier than the liturgical year because we learn the stories before Holy Week so we can tell our friends. I love that they are overlapping now.

It is a lovely thing. There is more on the site than is in the book so I use them both together. I especially like that the site has the chapter recorded so I put them on my iPhone and listen to them almost every morning. I listen to the same chapter day after day. The real proof will be if I am really bringing God into my everyday life, and my life is being transformed as a result, and I would say a hearty, "YES!" I wish everyone could do this! 

I have thought about adapting bits of it for evangelicals because just a few things in the books that I had to adapt, but it is pretty minor, really. I love that they made it so it was less theological and more pastoral (read the article I linked).

I still would like to do a 30 day retreat (the closest one for me is 10 hours away in Los Altos in the summer), but this has been delightful for me.

I wanted other to join me next year, but I have gotten a rather "dull" response from others. So, I might just have to can that idea for another option. I wanted to do an adaptation and incorporate the things I am learning in the Renovaré Institute. Maybe I will make it more Spiritual Formation and add Ignatian Spirituality elements to it. I also would maybe like to do it for the world-wide group that we are a part of. That might reach a wider variety of people.

Well, I am 81%, but I had some time this morning to write the review. So, I am just going to post it and share the joy I have experienced with this book.

Here is the link to the Online version of the book:

http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/RetreatintheRealWorld/

Sunday Morning Five Twenty Four Freewrite

It has been a long time since I have just let the finger fly with abandon across the keys. Actually, I do a lot of private "freewrites" at examen.me now. So great that my Renovaré Institute Praxis Exercise for January is the examen too. This practice has so enriched me. I like doing the Creighton University Online Retreat with it too. This last week, we were to look at our "Two Ways of Desiring" and asking what we really want. It so lines up with everything that I am learning in other areas too. The byline question of this week is, "What do I really want?" There are six words to think about:

Riches, honors, pride. Poverty, dishonor, humility.

And wouldn't you know it, in the midst of this, I had a very dishonoring thing happen to me! At first I was very mad and upset, but then God reminded me of His way. I cried (sobbed - ugly cry) most of the morning on Thursday. But even in the midst of the storm, I knew Jesus was with me. I felt the freedom to cry and process. It turned out really good in my relationship with Rachel as she cut and colored my hair, and I cried. I am not usually a mess like that. I am not a faker though. I cannot hide my unhappiness, but there was something very powerful in allowing myself to cry in front of Rachel like that. I asked George and Nancy and Kim to pray. There was something very powerful in that too. Nancy went on a run and sent me a picture of a fire, but I am not exactly sure what that meant. 

All that said, there was resolution and peace with FIVE people in FOUR hours. I had to apologize for my anger to THREE out of the FIVE and admit my anger (even though by the time I talked to him, I was not angry anymore) to another. All resolutions were very sweet.

There is no denying that what happened was very unjust, and my Spiritual Director says I have a strong sense of justice, and that is so true. All that to say that dishonor leads to humility, and by the time the peacemaking came, I was in a position to be humble, but he had to remind me of that fact in the midst of the storm, but the point is: I HEARD HIS VOICE IN THE MIDST OF THE STORM! That is huge for me. I knew even if he was ASLEEP ON A PILLOW in the stern of the boat (so funny that this was also the passage for our Kingdom Community that same night), I would be OK. I did have faith that I would get to the other side of the sea safe and sound. I knew that he cared. I knew I was not perishing. It was definitely a storm, but I weathered it WITH HIM.

HUGE! 

My Spiritual Director said that Ignatius says that when desolation comes, consolation is right around the corner, and I actually knew that. I was almost excited for desolation because I knew that God wanted to do a deeper work in me. 

Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life - Week 17a

I wanted my Christmas meditations to sync with the Online Spiritual Exercises. So, I get to do this "extra" week that is not part of them this year because of where Easter falls on the calendar (April 1). I am so glad I felt the "nudge" from God to go on to this week because if you could have read my examen prayer journaling this morning, you would have read my heartfelt desire for JESUS! I love what the "Getting Started" for Week 17A says:

"This week doesn’t take us into new territory. It just takes us deeper. We begin this week with our desires. I renew my desire, my passion, my choice, to be with Jesus — to want to know him more intimately, to love him more deeply, to follow him with more of my heart. This week is not one of deeper struggle or more intense thinking. This is a week of affirmation. All week, in many very concrete ways, in the background experience of the in between times, I say, “Yes, this is what I want. This is what I choose. To be with you, Jesus.”

This is a week to deepen these graces by enjoying them. I know that this deepening relationship with Jesus is changing me, freeing me, moving me to learn even more about him, all because I love this person who loves me so completely, so unconditionally. I just feel it all week — and enjoy it. I like the way I’m becoming. I like what is opening up in me.

All week I will pause, perhaps especially in the most difficult moments, and smile with a deepening inner smile. The riches and the honors just don’t have such a hold on me. The poverty experiences, even moments of humiliation, don’t terrify me as much. I smile because I understand and am becoming more and more attracted to Jesus’ way of living his life — moving away from the path to pride and toward the path to humility before God.

Each night this week, I let my words of gratitude come from deeper and deeper in my heart. The messiness or difficulties — even the failures or sin of my day — don’t take away my gratitude. They deepen it. I’m grateful because Jesus is drawing me into a joy I hadn’t known before. It is a joy that is dependent not on my successes but on my life being placed with Jesus, in God’s hands."

AMEN!