Friday, December 19, 2008

Bits and Pieces

050

I slept last night from about 10:00 - 12:45. Then, I was up until about 5 a.m. and slept until 10:00 a.m. As I fell asleep the snow was gently falling in the morning darkness. I woke up to a beautiful blanket and had to go and shoot pictures this day. The boys replenished their snowmen while I snapped.

I was behind. I still needed to get Jenna and Hayley's gifts to them, and I just hadn't gotten around to it. I think the loss of my mom has hit me harder this Christmas than last. Last Christmas was a blur since she died on December 7. So, I have struggled more, grieved more deeply, felt less confident. In fact, someone made a joking comment about me to a room full of people, and I was embarrassed, and it hit me hard today. I cried inside as the butt of his joke.

I called my aunt and uncle in Tucson. It was nice. It is a link to my mom. They are the only ones left of my parents' age. Passage of time. So strange. I could not think of a gift for them. I wanted to give to Linn-Benton County Food Share, and I told them I was thinking about doing that in lieu of their gift this year, and they were delighted. They thought this was much better. You know how many years I have wanted to suggest we do that instead of exchanging gifts every year? I have always been too afraid to approach the subject. Silly me.

After this, I got my Christmas cards ready for the family and pictures printed for the Christmas card to Rita in Malaysia. That has been burdening me since I left there in August and promised to send her pictures. George drove me to Starbuck's for Jenna and Hayley's gift, and we got these and the cards in the mail. I love closure.

Still crying in the car with him. I'm grieving. I did lose a brother too. Jean says I get a double pass, right? Hard but also a good year.

Then, we worked out and lifted weights, and I got a hit of FOXNews. I won't pay for it, but it is a nice plus to working out at Timberhill.

I did feel so much better after a workout. Endorphins were released.

Then, we went to Fred Meyer to stock up for our through Christmas food. I also have closure because I bought George's gift. George chatted with all sorts of people in the store, and I ran into Melissa; sweet SCC college gal.

George made me a plate of nachos, and I am going to wrap gifts tonight while the boys have Boys' Group if anyone shows up with this snow.

Book Club and Ginny and Lorraine were canceled for tomorrow because of snow. So, I have another day at home. I need to focus and trust that this grief will wash away someday.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

The One Year Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my mom's passage into heaven. I couldn't sleep last night and was up at the time she passed and prayed. Some people say I have been through a bunch this year, but it doesn't necessarily feel like it has been horrible. Many life changes and stresses, but He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is my rock, and it is to Him I cling.

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

Amen.

Tuesday Ten Minute Freewrite

I am going to go great guns for 10 minutes on this freewrite. I am meeting with a person (not sure if she wants direction - she just wanted ...