Friday Fifteen Freewrite - Examen

Well, here we go. I am going to Freewrite through The Examen with Fr. James Martin, SJ. 

Let's review the past day.

Imagine yourself sitting with Jesus any way that will let you enter into God's presence. This is a conversation with God to look back over your day with God.

Two to three things from yesterday that you are grateful for:
1) Time with N in Spiritual Direction - I love her heart for you. Her vulnerability. She loves to achieve balance. She is SUCH a humble leader. I count it a privilege to meet with her. 

2) Helping P get out the door and walking and praying under a RAINBOW during his interview. My Examen from yesterday was to show love for N (#1 above) and P, and I think it was so great. I was able to say I needed to end my time with N at a certain time so I could just be there to encourage and pray. The rainbow was so awesome to behold. He had a really GOOD interview. It was much longer than any of the others. I love my guy. He was so chatty afterward, and we celebrated and got an early dinner at Burgerville. I love being his mom. 

Whole Day from Start to Finish - Notice where God has been. Where did you accept God's invitation to be loving, grateful, yourself, and where did you turn away from it. 

Getting Up - Drank tea and spent time in Isaiah 9. It was dark and then it got light. I loved it. Not rushed.  

Mid-Morning - Started doing editing of Exercises for Everyone. I am putting the Scriptures at the end because I want the subject for the week to be at the beginning right after the "grace sought." I also took out 2 Peter. It means so much to me, but I think it would confuse people. I had a long talk with George about my day before and also some options that have come up for this weekend. What to do?

It was raining cats and dogs so I decided not to go to IMG. I told N, and she said she was coming over now. I said SURE. Then she said she would come after grading at 11. Then she said, "You have not answered." I realized my watch was not transferring my texts. They went nowhere. I told her I had to be done before P interview, and she came right over. 

Mid Day - Such a good 2 hours with N in SD.

2pm Prayed over P. He asked to go over possible questions they might ask and how to answer them. So open. Seeking input. So on the verge of blossoming. I walked and prayed during his interview as I circled the place. I also listened to my book. The rainbow was so brilliant. Loved it! The interview went well. They even talked about the future that would include his degree. No one has said that in the other interviews he has had recently.  

3:15 Went to pick up a prescription and had an early dinner with P. 

4 Continued editing the Exercises. I watched some news and started a sappy Lifetime Christmas movie. (What is wrong with me?)

6:45 I was off to discuss a book. Expressing an opinion in a group situation is so hard for me. I enjoyed the conversation but groups like that are always hard for me when I am not leading the discussion. I always have that desired to go deeper with people, but I realize I cannot expect it with some groups. 

Things you regret? I regret making a comment in the group. It was not a bad comment. It was my opinion, but it fell like a lead balloon, and I could tell that they had not thought of it before. (My attempt at thinking a little more deeply about things. Some people do not want to do that. I know that from previous experiences with this group.) I don't even know if it was disagreed with. I just wish I had not said it. I felt empty afterward, but that is good for me. It is good for me to express opinions, have opinions. It is OK with me if people do not agree with them or do not want to think deeply about things. (The opinion was very innocuous - probably no one had a second-through about it, and it is OK if they did. People can disagree, and I need to be OK if they do.) I also found myself wanting to please the hostess of the group and felt uncomfortable by some of the "rules" of the house (walking on eggshells), but I let that go very quickly (acknowledging in my mind that they are probably a strong self-preservation Type One). People-pleasing is my drug of choice. I acknowledge that. 

Most meaningful? The two things above that I am most grateful for. I no what is life-giving to me: helping people fly. I am most in the center of your will, God, when I am functioning in this gift. N said she wanted to do the Exercises too. I have been praying for this. 

Give me the grace to see you today, God. 

Amen!