Friday Freewrite Fifteen: Finishing Well

I am 3 days and 1 hour away from finishing the LONG marathon that started in October of last year. I did not know what anyone looked like, other than the pictures (and an old picture of me was taken off the web for the welcome packet and then I was publically made fun of for looking so different from my picture. I didn't know why that was necessary. She pulled a picture from that was from July of 2016, and it was October of 2025. I no longer dye my hair and was 66 rather than 57. But I digress on this Freewrite and digression is not a transgression in the Freewriting world!) from the welcome packet. I was not even scared. I was excited. 

We were welcomed with open arms by M who took us to her wonderful house on the hill overlooking the Mediterranean. It was lovely to stay there for three nights to begin this year long odyssey.

On the training started; I was so impressed with the trainees that this training attracted from all over the world. I was especially impressed with my lovely little, small group that I would supervise from October 2025 to September of 2026. It has been many hours and a big investment, but I think what has come out of it is beautiful friendships and four people who will take what they have internalized into their walks with God and in walking alongside others. It is a WIN-WIN in that respect. I am grateful for these four.

Overall, I am grateful for my involvement with this training school. I first workeed for them in 2023 for 10 months. Then I took another group of them through more independent supervising in 2024. Then i continued to supervise one of those from the 2023 group, and she eventually did the Spiritual Exercises with me and two others (who were in another group). Now, I have another graduate doing the Exercises, and the wife and sister of others who were trained by or work this group. 

So the fruit has been wonderful in terms of relationships with those who have gone through their training. They do attract such amazing people. It was a privilege to get to know them.

With all that said, I am relieved to be done in 3 days and 55 minutes! It was a very long journey, and it was SO MUCH TIME. I was told 5 hours a month. But it is much more than that. I would say at least 10 and probably closer to 20 and really a lot more if you average going overseas for a residency and working from 8:30 am - 9:30 pm for five days (with one day off which was used to write blessings and prepare for the final talk that I gave to the group of 18 trainees). 

So, I am going out with JOY in PEACE. It contained some of my greatest CONSOLATIONS of the last year, but it has also contained some of my greatest DESOLATIONS as I was an outsider in so many respects. It was cross-cultural in the sense that I was trained in a very different way both as a director, supervisor, and trainer. 

But as my dear Ignatian trainer has said, "With every desolation, consolation is right around the corner, Carol." And the verse this morning depicts where I have ended up. Going out with JOY and PEACE today. 

It was all worth it. 

There we go 15 minutes and DONE! 

Suicidal Empathy

I have heard this also termed "Toxic Empathy." This man's mind is amazing. I recommend it. He is rather harsh. So, I recommend reading it with Jamie Winship's book The War of Worldviews to explore the internal things going on in one's heart that causes divide in our society. Both contribute to the conversation. 

The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers

Here is a wonderful summary of this profound book.

I read this book in 2006 and 2016. I guess it is an "every ten years" kind of book! It is so profound and short. I am putting quotes from it before I send the spiritual directors I am training on a day of prayer during the summer between their first and second years. My heart is warmed from this book.

He really unpacks the meaning of Hesychasm - stillness, quiet, silence, rest.

Here is my previous review from 2016 (I don't think I was reviewing books here, but I was just listening the books I read during the year.).

I am cutting and pasting the quotes from the book that I have in that post below.

"In Solitude we become compassionate people, deeply aware of our solidarity in brokenness with all of humanity and ready to reach out to anyone in need."

“Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant ('turn stones into loaves'), to be spectacular ('throw yourself down'), and to be powerful ('I will give you all these kingdoms'). There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity ('You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone'). Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter - the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers 

“Secularity is a way of being dependent on the responses of our milieu. The secular or false self is the self which is fabricated, as Thomas Merton says, by social compulsions. 'Compulsive' is indeed the best adjective for the false self. It points to the need for ongoing and increasing affirmation. Who am I? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated or despised. Whether I am a pianist, a businessman or a minister, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. If being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. If having money is a sign of real freedom, then I must claim my money. If knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. The compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failure and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same - more work, more money, more friends.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers

"Silence first makes us pilgrims. Secondly silence guards the fire within. Thirdly, silence teaches us how to speak."

"Prayer, when we are faithful to it and practice it at regular times, slowly leads us to an experience of rest and opens us to God's active presence."

“Prayer is standing in the presence of God with the mind in the heart; that is, at that point of our being where there are no divisions or distinctions and where we are totally one. There God's Spirit dwells and there the great encounter takes place. There heart speaks to heart, because there we stand before the face of the Lord, all-seeing, with us.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers   

“For many of us prayer means nothing more than speaking with God. And since it usually seems to be a quite one-sided affair, prayer simply means talking to God. This idea is enough to create great frustrations. If I present a problem, I expect a solution; if I formulate a question, I expect an answer; if I ask for guidance, I expect a response. And when it seems, increasingly, that I am talking into the dark, it is not so strange that I soon begin to suspect that my dialogue with God is in fact a monologue. Then I may begin to ask myself: To whom am I really speaking, God or myself?”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers

"By their solitude, silence and unceasing prayer the Desert Fathers show us the way. These disciplines will teach us to stand firm, to speak words of salvation, and to approach the new millennium with hope, courage, and confidence.

"When we have been remodeled into living witnesses of Christ through solitude, silence, and prayer, we will no longer have to worry about whether we are saying the right thing or making the right gestures, because then Christ will make his presence known even when we are not aware of it."

Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy

This was a "God is sovereign" book. I was in the middle of writing a handout about lament, but I had to go to a dinner with friends, and one of the friends was reading this book about lament! It is one of the nicest things on lament I have read. It is a quick read. 

Where the Crawdads Sing

This is a slow-moving story at the beginning, but it picked up about 1/3 of the way through, and I ended up liking it.  

I remember reading a non-fiction book by this author called Secrets of the Savannah in 2019 for my book club and thought it was too flowery. I just wanted the facts of the incredible thing they did on the Savannah. When I found out she had written a novel, it made sense. She was trying to make her non-fiction work like a novel, and I hated it!

But I liked her fiction. It is a coming of age and murder mystery rolled into one. She does bring her science background (her bio said she always wanted to be an author, but she settled for science instead). 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Today, I will write on my blog and not my private journal. Combined with the other blog I lost but then I found again, I have been blogging for 22 years in October. There were only 24 posts on that blog (and I cannot remember how I lost it). 

So many memories of blogging. I had this blog, but I also had the blogs that were for Project365 - taking a picture a day for the whole year and posting the picture on the blog so that the other 32 people I did it with could also look at the picture you posted. Now, people would probably do it on Instagram, but there was fun in doing it on a blog because I could write something to go along with the picture. It was photojournalism. It was beauty too. I have asked my directees (especially when I was training to do it with children) many times, "Where did you see beauty in the last week?" Keeping my eyes open to the beauty around me was so enriching for me. I am so glad I did that. I did it for five years starting with 2007. That was the year my mom died. So it was also healthy to document that journey. 

I am deciding whether I will go to the Prayer Watch at 5:30 am. They do not offer much variety in the Watches. It is always a few minutes of introduction by the leader. Then they always break you up into rooms where there is discussion and you pray for yourself after you pray, then we all come back for the final prayer. There used to be so much variety. There isn't much contemplation like there used to be. Often, we would have prayerful meditation as a group in a passage. I don't even get asked to facilitate it anymore because I have said, "No" so many times. 

I feel like I should go just to keep in touch with people, but it isn't like it used to be. I asked about starting up Silent Prayer (or Centering Prayer) again, but they have not gotten back to me. Maybe I didn't get back to them, and maybe i just need to not lead anything because I am leading three and possibly four groups in the fall. Supervision for B, C, D; Direction Training for five, Exercises for four (plus an intern), and possibly a Director Development group with Renovare. I don't know. Maybe that is enough for now. 

With the Director Development, I would like to lead that monthly rather than every other month. I want to go deeper in the books, if that is possible. I will probably still go to the group that I have been in locally for 10 years, but I had told some of my directees that I want to offer that to directors that I am involved with. 

So, I think I have freewrote for fifteen now, and I need to decide about the Prayer Watch. I feel like I have so much to pray about. Maybe I will go to the next one at 8:30. That will work out much better with my schedule. Bye! 

The War of Worldviews: Choosing Connection in a Culture of Separation

Our culture is obsessed with safety and self. We are constantly assessing risks, prioritizing tasks, and categorizing people. We seek out security, efficiency, and comfort and avoid uncertainty, wasted time, and distress. We crave the known, the quantifiable, the safe. We resent people who interrupt us, challenge us, or need something from us.

"Listen, Hear, Obey, Shema!" Those are the last lines of this book. And it sort of sums up the book and how the world can change as a result. It is a God sized vision for the world. 

I am a "micro" person, and Jamie is both a "micro" and "macro" guy. His first book, Living Fearless, is for the individual and is a "micro" book, but it is the foundation for living a "macro" life out in the big world. 

This book is looking into this on a "macro" level in the world, but don't let it scare you. Jamie is brilliant, and I encourage you to read it. Some things may be over your head, but the stories are so engaging, even for a "micro" person!

Here is an interview with Jamie about the book:

Wednesday Freewrite

I have not done a freewrite on here in ages. So, I am setting my timer for 15 minutes and am typing away.

I journal every day. I call them "Morning Pages" aka The Artist's Way. I have to admit that I am not following all of Julia Cameron's advice because I have not had an "Artist's Date" for months. I have been creating though. So, I guess I can call that "art" in that I am writing curriculum for the Spiritual Direction training that I am starting in less than a month. It will be Thursday-Saturday, September 17-19th. WOOHOO.

I am very excited about this too. The group is so good. I was just trying to get through "finishing well" with the group I am been supervising/training this last year. I had deadlines for doing a final "Core Competency" Evaluation and then meeting with them all one-on-one. They have been a joy. They are new directors, but they will be great directors. I want them to feel freer to be the unique director that they are. I think one of them would benefit from more supervision. The other three are going to do great with supervision about every three months or so. Those three will continue to meet with me. I did not initiate that. It just happened. They all discerned that they would not do the third year offered by the organization I have been working for this last year. In that discussion, they asked if I would be willing to continue with them in supervision. Since three of them asked, I suggested that we gather all three of them, meet monthly, but only have one of the three present over a six-month period from January-June next year. They would get a supervision every three months, and there would be no meeting in the summer. Mine will be 6 months and $150. I think this will be good. I will also lead them in how to do "Peer Supervision." That way, they can go on and do it among themselves for free. 

I think B would be really good at that. Maybe I will ask B if she wants to intern as a supervisor with me. I could let her take the lead on supervision, and she could talk about how she transitioned from formal supervision to peer supervision. I would need to ask B if that would be OK with him though. We will see. 

All that said, I would also use my 10 supervision models for my supervisees. That would be important. 

Today, I will go to hear Trevor Hudson speak to the group. 

Parenthetically, I want to add that I love the group that I have been working for. It has been an honor. I think they are all sincere people, I do training and supervision differently, but that is OK to have different models of supervision. 

I think I will introduce that concept of having one book they read in the six months we are together. Maybe a book that is about spiritual direction or maybe a book about a specific subject in direction, like doing it with children, doing it using the Enneagram, or bringing cross-cultural spiritual direction into it. 

We will see. I am excited to develop this. 

I am also excited to lead a group through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius. I only have four and one intern, C, who did it with me back in 2020. I know two out of four of the people doing it pretty well, and then I have two that come highly recommended by the sister-in-law of a person I did it with and the wife of a fellow supervisor. It should be really great. 

Oh this is fun to do a free write here. I should go back to doing more of them. I just have to not mention names, but this is similar to what I do over at Morning Pages. I don't know why I wanted to do it here today.

Oh, the picture above is from a meditation I did in Psalm 23 this morning. This is a page from a poetry book I read to the R girls when I was a nanny in Spain 44 years ago! 

I think it is going to go off any second. Oh, I have a new oven and microwave. My husband is so great to do that for me. 

Ok, 20 more seconds. I have just Trevor's talk and writing curriculum today and Pilates and a walk. Bye! 

Theo of Golden

There are no words that could express how much I loved this book. I read one of the reviews by a friend. She gave it such a harsh review calling is "saccharine"! I was so shocked. 

Then I asked one of my best friends. She didn't like it either! WOW! She said everything was too "tied up in a bow." So that is fair. She is also a very logical thinker on the Myers-Briggs, and I am a sap. So there you go. 

All that said, I LOVED it. I brought it to the Spiritual Directors I am supervising this year, and one of them had just read it and thought it would be so good for spiritual directors to read it. It is about hearing a person's story and really "seeing" the other. I think that is so true.

I don't want to ruin the plot. But I highly recommend it (even though two of my friends do not - LOL!). 

A friend told me about this Oprah interview with the author. It is excellent. 

In the interview, they interview three people (a country singer, a musician, and another person - I cannot remember what she does, and I don't remember any of their names) who loved the book too. Here are some of their favorite quotes that I took a screenshot of during the interview.

Mr. Midshipman Hornblower

My husband and I watched this series years ago, and he has read all the books. We own all of them and the series, but I have never read them. He is rereading (retirement has upped his reading), and I thought I would join along (like he did when he saw that my son and I were both rereading Narnia).

It is a swashbuckler with many action scene of ware described. My husband says that the later books get into more dialogue. I will still rewatch the series with my husband (I gave it to him for a Christmas long ago), but I think this first book in the series will be my last. I just didn't get into the battle scenes.