Monday, February 29, 2016

Christian Kidding: a post from Jeremiah 13 in the Bible Book Club

I am around someone lately that is filled with sarcasm. I just am not used to that anymore. It made me think about this post that I wrote in the Bible Book Club on Jeremiah 13, and I wanted to repost it here so I could remember where to find it. 

Got "jibed" last Friday night, and I still don't understand why. When I said I didn't understand, I got "jibed" for not understanding. No apologies for the sarcasm. It flustered me. I am not accustomed to that sort of treatment, and I tried to set a boundary, telling the person I don't get joking and take things pretty literally. When they persisted, I told them I also don't like to be laughed at. I have seen this person do it with others, and I have not gotten that person's joke then too. It leaves me confused. I suppose I "should" get it, but even three days later, I do not get the joke. While it might have made that person feel "bad" that I set a boundary, it is fine to so if I respond in love. That is what I am praying for today. This is an excerpt from a post of another time someone jibed. I will also say that I have had others write me personally to tell me how much they have liked this post. I think this is a common problem. So glad that I do not have anyone in my family (husband and sons) who does this!

Last night, I had a "put down" from someone I have not been around for quite some time. One of my biggest steps toward growth and change in my life has been to choose to be around people who edify and build up rather than tear down. I used to choose to be in fellowship where there were too many people relying on sarcasm to relate with people (probably out of deep insecurities). I call it "Christian kidding," and it used to devastate me (not only to receive it but to watch it happen to others) because the culture was filled with people like that. I cannot tell you how many times I would walk away from "fellowship" time absolutely devastated by the cutting remarks and "zingers" that came flying out of people's mouths toward each other. I felt like I was constantly dodging bullets that were flying across the room. I question whether it was even biblical fellowship because Hebrews 10:24, 25 says we are to "consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds."

Now, the bulk of my fellowship is with people who encourage and edify (thankfully, most of the people at this party were of that persuasion), but there were a couple of people (from my past fellowship) who continue to do that on a regular basis. It shocked me because I just do not encounter it very much anymore (it still happens, but it is more the exception than the normal mode of relating).

My OLD way of dealing with it would have been to be very hurt and sinfully dwell on the jibes. Introspection can be a real TRAP, and I would often find myself trapped in it! I might have even lost some sleep over it.

Last night, I was able to see the sarcasm for what is really was (insecurity, attention, etc.), and God allowed me to just use it as an opportunity to pray and extend grace to them! I did not sinfully dwell and become introspective! I did not recall past offenses that they had done toward me and make a case for their condemnation. They did not become an "idol" in my life! I did not even cry or have a pity party. My sinful ego was not damaged by the cutting remarks! I was free to LOVE.

Maybe you cannot understand this, but this is real growth for me, and I am so happy that God has allowed me to not continue in my old sinful pattern of relating with challenging people. I was able to extend grace and even have a great time of love with those people.


Tuesday, February 09, 2016

#100HealthyDays 31-39 and FACED Freewrite

A photo posted by Carol Weaver (@carolfoasia) on

A photo posted by Carol Weaver (@carolfoasia) on

A photo posted by Carol Weaver (@carolfoasia) on

A photo posted by Carol Weaver (@carolfoasia) on

A photo posted by Carol Weaver (@carolfoasia) on

A photo posted by Carol Weaver (@carolfoasia) on

Wow! Has it really been nine days! I have been busy!

Here is a report on the happenings with FACED evaluation (rather than Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength)

FOOD: Good. I have really cut down on the desserts. I had some good calorie counting days and then some days where I knew what to eat without counting but did not count. Overall, really good. I am at a great weight but want to get a bit lower in anticipation of some events coming up that make me want to be lower than average.

ATTITUDE/ACADEMICS: My attitude is great other than being harassed on a community board that I happened to see while I was logging my food on the Livestrong food app. I thought I had found the right fit for myself logging-wise. I wish I had never seen the "community" part at the bottom of the app. I clicked on it and read. MISTAKE. There was a person who was 52 pounds overweight that thought she might be eating too many calories per day for weight loss. She was asking for opinions and help. I gave her some safe, scientific information, and these two other people on the board went ballistic on me. So strange. I was new so I think they were used to being the "experts" as, after the fact, I saw that they were prolific posters on this community board dispensing much advice and did not like me coming along. I had not even seen what they had previously posted. If I had, I would have messaged the girl privately. Anywho, they kept engaging me in a quagmire all morning last Friday until I decided it was fruitless for me to even engage as they just wanted to be mad at me for sharing something that is common practice for safe weight loss. After two challenges, I consulted my friend, Kim, who is a pediatric registered dietitian (R.D.) through our hospital to make sure my numbers were correct (as I was sure they were, but she went to school about ten years after me), and she confirmed that they were, gave me a wonderful app to use, etc. Then they started blasting what KIM said! Kim the R.D. who works with childhood obesity ALL THE TIME (The girl asking for help was a 19 year old with no medical conditions other than being overweight)!  

So, it was a losing battle. So, I deleted my account and have tried for days to shake off their meanness and negativity. It hit me hard being that, in real life, I can usually spot this kind of person. I usually diplomatically navigate the waters of a "know-it-all" pretty well, but these people were hiding behind their computer screens in cyberspace. So, it was best to cut my losses. I feel sorry for that girl though. They were telling her to eat too many calories for any weight loss because people tend to think they burn many more calories per day than they actually do and under-report what they actually eat. Sigh.  I had to not care for the 19 year old who got lost in the quagmire (she never had a problem with what I shared).

So, I am still shook up four days later. Not terribly so, but I keep getting up in the morning thinking I have conflict in my life. I live in fear of these people. I am not accustomed to encountering verbal brutality very often (actually, I encountered it in the online community I used to be a part of, but that was about 10 years ago when I said, "SO LONG" to that)

So, I am needing a healing touch, and I think maybe it is time for a day away with God to work through it.

Having a sensitive heart has its drawbacks.

COMMUNION: In the midst of this, my time with God has been good. I so enjoy the Gospels and worship has been sweet. There is a block because of the brutality. I will have a Celebration of Discipline time with Nancy and Shannon today, and that should be great. I loved yesterday in Beth's aqua aerobics class (she likes me). I have gotten reassuring texts from my buddies. I had face-to-face time with Jennifer Hanson right after it happened, and this was so good for me. Today needs to be the day where God meets me and speaks to my heart about it. I am desiring a deeper communion with Him about it. 

EXERCISE - As you can see from the pictures above, I have walked, run, swam, done Pilates, and ridden my bike (also lifted three times in the last nine days). Exercise is always good for me. I have a bit of a pain in my back ribs on the left side. I might have not warmed up enough before I did some lat lifting before my Pilates class. Not a good thing to do. MELT method might be necessary or even a trip to see Paul in Salem since Dr. Myers' office did not put me in their schedule when he decided not to leave Corvallis. Sigh. They have never been very good administratively.

DAILY CARE of family and self:

Family: I am caring for Paul today by taking him to Eugene for an appointment about his teeth and jaw. I really need to know when this surgery will be, but he needs to see three people before that can be decided. Michael is playing this game online that he says is safe, but I am still concerned and in prayer. George and I have really guarded our Saturday time with each other. I am grateful for that. We biked and saw a movie on Saturday (picture above). 

Myself: I am getting adequate rest, eating nutritiously, not too busy (although it will be busy in March and April). I am also trying to have face-to-face time with people my age. It is pretty impossible with Teala as she never seems to be available for the Monday lunch we had talked about having over Christmas break. I decided that I cannot depend on her for that as she is a random personality. No expectation and no disappointment there. I love it when I see her, but I know it will probably not be at a regular time like I had thought. I don't think she realizes what a big, time-consuming deal it is to go to her house for lunch as you cannot park near her house and must take probably an extra hour of your time just getting there and back instead of the ten minutes each way it should take if there were parking at her house. So, going on any other day than Monday or Wednesday (which she cannot do due to another commitment) when I am already on campus and riding my bike is really the best option for me. It has been me meeting her where she is at for years. I know. Sometimes I do get tired of that with many of my long-term friends. I go to see them. They do not usually come to see me. It is that way with my family too. I know they like me, but people are used to me being the flexible one rather than the other way around. 

I have made newer friends who are much more willing to do that. The younger women I meet with are especially willing, but the ones my age are not. 

One who is always willing to meet whenever and wherever is God, and I need to schedule some time for a day of extended time with Him! Maybe that is what he is trying to teach me through all of this! 

Well, that was healthy for me to journal about everything. 

Tuesday Ten Minute Freewrite

I am going to go great guns for 10 minutes on this freewrite. I am meeting with a person (not sure if she wants direction - she just wanted ...