Friday Freewrite Fifteen

I am setting it for fifteen, and here I go. I love Fridays. I decided not to teach on this day, and I do mostly paperwork and tie up loose ends. Today, I need to clean up my Type Four Enneagram materials and send it to my directee. I need to read more of Spiritual Direction: A Practical Introduction by Pickering so I can get it ready for Module 2 of the spiritual direction training. I need to put the finishing touches on my manual by adding my new Examen and discernment visual images to my manual and add about being able to do sticky notes for the Blessed History Timelines that the people in the new RAD SEEL will be going through this summer. I want to give them plenty of time to do that. They will refer to it as they go through the first weeks of the Exercises and then when they look at Sin Patterns (that sounds so bad, but it is really quite freeing in every way). 

So those are the main things I want to do work-wise, but I also want to take a morning walk, clean up the house so that it is ready for our impromptu Fourth of July party and all that. I think it is just Katherine and John and our kids so far. So that will be great. 

I also want to finish Narnia, and I have about 1 1/2 of reading listening. So I will do that after my freewrite. 

I think today I will get back on the wagon of eating since tomorrow will be a treat day. Then, I will go from July 4th to our anniversary on July 21 with logging and eating in moderation. Then we start our vacation. I think that we will go away as a family. I think George forgot that that will be our vacation time as a family. So, I don't think he can go fishing with M and J. That's OK though. 

I need to call the Trappist Monastery about going to them.

Oh, I will also go through the CRFs that are in the Student Participation folder. That will be really good. 

I would like to have our last CRFs be the Grocery List of the directees. Noticing what gives you life in direction and what does not give you life. It will be really good. 

I think that I need to hear from R in order to send everything out to the participants in the SEEL. 

I have work to do, but it is not overwhelming in any way. I will listen to Narnia when I go on my walk. That will be great. Maybe I will even do Glen Eden today. I can do hills.

Oh, I also have to do the Pilates with the Magic Circle. I keep putting it off. 

Oh, I also would like to finish the Life with God Lesson 5 assignments. I think this has added things to my plate. I think I will NOT take any continuing education or contract out my supervision services with anything that runs through the summer again. That would be really nice to not have ANYTHING extra. The Life with God training has not been a lot extra, but it is enough that I would like to be freer to go and do, especially since George is retired now.

I can feel the sun coming up and on my back. So I think I will go right after I am done with this freewrite. I am going to transfer it over to Penzu too. Maybe later I will write my review of The Last Battle in the Narnia series and also my review of the Life with God Resources manual later on today. 

Oh, look at that, I have 1 minute left on my timer. I thought it has been about 15 minutes. I love it. 

I'll finish up my second cuppa' and go out in the morning light. Such a beautiful day today. And it is great! 

So, all I have is walk, read, write, and work. That is easy-peasy.

Oh, I might watch some basketball later on today too!

 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen on The Spiritual Exercises

I am setting my timer for a fifteen-minute freewrite. I think it has been over a month since I did a Friday freewrite. So, I am due. 

This month has been rich. A month ago, I had finished up all my groups who went through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius. That was rich. I learned a lot, and one of the things I learned that it is better if I put together the groups. The group I put together was the one that jelled the best was the one where no one knew each other. Go figure. I think when someone else asks a person to come to this group with this stranger, there is an attachment that doesn't happen to the leader. I don't know. I also think that four of the people over two of the groups were just not ready to take the Exercises, and when other things got in the way, it was not a priority, and the Exercises really need to be a priority. Two of them were just not used to any kind of deep meditation in scripture, and the other two were just doing it because they wanted to spend time with the person who invited them. Other things were more important like podcasts and books by famous Christian authors. It is hard for many people to just sit with God and listen to what he says to them. 

So, I don't fault them for not being ready, but I really want people who are 100% ready to plunge into this deeply. It is a different way of looking at Scripture and if you are just looking at these familiar passages in the way you have always done, it will seem boring to have the same stories again. (And Ignatius had so many times where you REPEAT things!)

So this next year, I have four eager and lovely people. It was neat to hear how God drew each of them. One was off the recommendation of her sister-in-law who was one of the people who was wholeheartedly in it this year. Another was off the recommendation of her husband who is a coworker of mine in the training and supervising of spiritual directors. Another is one who I trained as a director when I interned with Marty and Sandy Boller  (Shout out to this couple from The Contemplative Activist who train directors with an Internal Family Systems flavor.) and went through a shorter form of the Exercises called the 18th Annotation (10 weeks with Sustainable Faith). The last person is someone who was at a convent telling someone how she really wanted to learn about being a Contemplative in Action, and the person (was it a nun?) said, "Well, you know that that part of the Spiritual Exercises?" This woman had heard of them, but she didn't know much about them other than she knew I did them with people. I have been supervising her as she has trained to become a spiritual director with Deepen-Sent Well. So, she knew God wanted her to be involved. 

I also asked dear C, who was one of the first (maybe the first) people I led through the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises (I had led someone through the 18th earlier that year, but it was greatly modified because this person had not spent time with God in 18 years, but it was a requirement for them for their spiritual direction training - I know, not spent time with God for 18 years, and they were going to become a director? It was an amazing TRANSFORMATION for her though. So, I am so glad I did it with her and learned so much by leading people through it who are even reluctant and resistant, but I digress.)

So, it will be one group of four people in the 19th, and C and I will lead. That's it (since I am starting a School of Spiritual Direction and need to not overwhelm myself with the Spiritual Exercises like last year - I might even have C lead the group through them the next year since it is a requirement for people in my school to do, at least, the 18th Annotation). C will be so excellent to intern with me. Some of the times, I will have us break up into two groups of two so we can go deeper with people. I think that will be so good for C and for me. 

In a way, I wish I could have an intern for the group I will be training in direction next year. If that sixth spot does not get filled, I might just ask T. She is so ready to start training directors. She is the bomb.

I love how I have these great.

Oh, there goes my timer. BYE BYE! 

FRIDAY FREEWRITE FIFTEEN

pen·sive

[ˈpen(t)siv]

1. engaged in, involving, or reflecting deep or serious thought:
   "a pensive mood"

   Similar:

   thoughtful
   thinking
   reflective
   contemplative
   musing

Here we go. It is time for my FRIDAY FREEWRITE! WOHOOO! I already freewrote 750 words this morning, but I went for a walk and the word I am going to explore in this freewrite is the one above: PENSIVE. 

It is SO where I am at right now, right here on this day in May 2026. Oh, my goodness, I think this was my last day with the Women Becoming group on this week 20 years ago! Was that really and truly 20 year ago!?

Anyway, I am pensive. I am so pensive. I am thoughtful and reflective. I got "stood up" yesterday, and I waited from 1:30-4:00 pm for someone, and they finally said they fell asleep. But I waited for 3 1/2 hours. I asked at 1:30, "Aren't we getting together?" And there was no answer. Silence on the other end of the line. 

This morning, I responded to the reschedule that this afternoon, Friday, would not work. I also gave a polite but direct, "Hey, it was not very considerate of you to not let me know we were not getting together. My time is valuable" kind of message. It wasn't like I didn't do other things in the meantime, but I kept wondering. I kept other things that I could have done on hold because of this. 

Of course, the gentle note was received well. I don't think it was shame producing. It was a heads-up for the person. It was a good interaction, but then it left me PENSIVE. I could focus on listening to the Narnia book I was listening to. 

It was good for me to process all the emotions that come with the word PENSIVE. 

We are going through a major life transition in the next week. George got his Ph.D. 30 years ago this October, and he worked for 30 years in his field (really longer because he worked for nine years, 1987-1996 between his master's and his Ph.D. finish in the same field being paid a full-time salary while he was let off time to do his Ph.D. studies. So gracious of Scott, his major professor.) 

I came into the picture in 1987-1988 and didn't start dating George until 1989, but I have been there through all of it, and he even dedicated his thesis to me. 

So, his retiring is also my retiring. It isn't going to be as big an adjustment for me as for him, but it is still going to be an adjustment. 

So, it is OK to be pensive in the midst of all that uncertainty of the future. He has taken care of all the financial stuff, and we sign up for Medicare Part B for me in 2 1/2 hours. So there are all these adjustments to everything right now. 

I don't fear change, but I can certainly be PENSIVE about it! It is weird to think George is old enough to retire. What? I am so amazed. 

Life is so short, and I am so happy that we have had this life together, and we have been so incredibly happy and content in our relationship. Securely attached. That is a gift that many do not have. 

So, here's to change and transition and allowing myself to be pensive in the midst of it. 

Now on to curriculum development for my Spiritual Direction Training! I am excited about that more than you would ever know. So much God keeps telling me. It is going to be great. 

So, now I have 15 seconds, and now I have 8. Now I have NONE!!!!

I have to write now. then I will add the PENSIVE definition later. 

Has It Really Been a Month Since My Last Freewrite? Church Dysfunction Edition

So, I am setting my timer for 15 minutes of a freewrite. 

I freewrite every single day on Penzu now. It was good to write here for all those years, but I also love the privacy of Penzu. I am able to express more of my raw emotions. Although, I did express a lot of raw emotions here for many years, and sometimes I would have people say, "Are you sure you want to say that?" Others came to me and said, "I read your blog, and it helped me work out my own pain of a church difficulty." I was pretty raw about that church dysfunction. What is so amazing it that that church transition was 20 years ago on the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend! WOW! What a great fly away to freedom! I celebrate it every year! It was one of the best decisions we have ever made. All the dysfunctional leadership of that time is long gone, and all is forgiven. (They were "precious but confused" as my friend, Miranda, would say.)  and I think that former church is a lot better now. 

So, I didn't realize that Memorial Day Weekend marks that. Although I celebrate the FREEDOM on June 16 every year because George still had obligations there after we had decided to leave. Even though I had left, and we had visited our present church, Suburban Christian (much healthier), on Memorial Day Weekend. He still had to endure a few more weeks. But he loved this group of kids that he was leading, and he loved the leadership in the 4-5th grade class. So, it wasn't hard for him to go and serve there. Those people that led there were the best. 

Actually, there were such pockets of health there, and that is why we stayed so long. But when the top leadership (and elders) are really unhealthy, it is not a good place to be, and me training leaders there for that final year helped me to see that I could not stay there any longer! Now that I have read more about things like this and what motivates people in ministry, I am not surprised at the dysfunction.

So, here I sit in a much better place. I know that my present church is not perfect, but it is much healthier. I am happy there even though most of my ministry is outside of the walls of the church. They are very good at supporting that. 

Ok, I am so glad I didn't go for a walk. It is POURING down rain. WOW! I heard it start at 3 am, but it is a torrential downpour now!

So today on my plate:

7 am Fran spiritual direction

8:30 D mid-year training evaluation and supervision of one of her spiritual direction sessions. 

1:30 B for a session. 

That's it!

 

From the Penzu "Time Capsule" July 11, 2025

I got an email this morning about reading from my Penzu (online private journal) entry: July 11, 2025. It was a significant one. So I will post most of it here.

Yesterday, I set the timer for forty minutes, and I typed exactly 1000 words. So, that is what I am going to do today...1000 words.

Yesterday, I typed into Copilot (Microsoft's version of ChatGPT):  a 150-word statement of what I am called to be, and this was the result:

I am called to be a vessel of God’s presence—anchored in love, shaped by grace, and led by the quiet voice of the Spirit. I am called to live with intention and depth, cultivating a life that listens more than it speaks, that seeks communion over control. My calling is to embody the contemplative path: to be still enough to hear God’s heartbeat and bold enough to act from that sacred center. I am called to create spaces where others feel seen, known, and invited into deeper relationship—with God, with themselves, and with one another. Through leadership rooted in vulnerability and faithfulness, I am called to nurture spiritual community, to walk alongside others as they awaken to their belovedness and purpose. I am called to be a bridge between silence and service, prayer and presence—leaving behind not just accomplishments, but a legacy of love that echoes into generations.

How did it know to type that without me putting in clues of what I feel called to? Does it know what I have typed in my Word Processor? Does it find my blog and scan it instantly? Does it listen in on my conversations?

That's freaky to me, but those 150 words are spot on? I am shocked!

I do want to be a "vessel of God's presence"! I want people to encounter God in spiritual direction sessions. I think they do. I desire to give them my brand of spiritual direction. There are no rules for direction. It needs to be spirit-led! 

"Anchored in love, shaped by grace, and led by the quiet voice of the Spirit" - Didn't I just say above spirit-led? I want people I do direction with to know that they are loved. I can honestly say that I have loved each of my directees. There have been a couple who have been difficult for me, but what drove me to work with them for so many sessions was a deep love to see them FREE. They were both in the "idealist" triad...One was a ONE on the Enneagram and so bound, but we had a SWEET breakthrough...The other was an Idealist Type Four... (leaving out the rest of that journal entry for confidentiality reasons) ...

I'm on my "Sanctuary Deck" outside...I love hearing all the birds squawking! It is a cacophony of praise to welcome another day from God.

Oh, back to the 150 words: 

"I am called to live with intention and depth, cultivating a life that listens more than it speaks, that seeks communion over control."

I was just on a walk yesterday saying that I was not "driven" but "intentional," and even in my most unhealthy times, I wouldn't say I was driven because I am too relational to be "driven," but I am very intentional. I love being intentional in everything I do! I love "depth" with God, with learning, with others. I do try to cultivate listening more than speaking...

And what about Deepen II, Lord? Would you make it abundantly clear that I am to go in the next day or so? I would be ever so grateful to have a confirmation! 

(Background: I had said NO in March, but the director came back in July and asked again. I ended up saying, "Yes," and I am so glad I did, I LOVE and ADORE my small group. I would not have met them had I not done it. It is a BIG COMMITMENT that I am halfway through as of this Friday. The orientation started on October 10th and will end around then when I turn in all my evaluations, etc. I'm glad I did it. I really am. That training contained my biggest consolations of 2025 and also my biggest desolations! Also, parenthetically, I reached the halfway point of my commitment to Deepen II on Friday. How cool is that to see this past post. SO GLAD I DID IT!)

I am off! Bye for today!

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

* Google has this new feature. I press a button, and it adds links to the things I talked about in my freewrite. I love this!!! 

I have been "freewriting" 750 words a day on Penzu.com (a la Julia Cameron and The Artist's Way - she says three handwritten pages, but that is too much paper to use and have around. So, I have modified it.), but I do like to come here and freewrite every once in a while. 

I am reminded of the queen of freewriting, Julie Bogart of Bravewriter. Here is her explanation of it! She has cool prompts every Friday. So check that out too.

This is her writing prompt for today:

	Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more Friday Freewrite: Rules of the Air Freewriting is that wonderful key that unlocks the writer within. Julie Bogart Feb 27 Today’s writing prompt: Everyone wakes up and can suddenly fly! Now you’re in charge of writing the official manual with rules for flying people. What would it include? Share your child’s freewrite in the comments if you’d like! (Or feel free to share your freewrite too!)

So here goes with my 15 minutes. Setting the timer now:

I don't usually write here. I miss that, but there is no question that I edit things here. When I am on Penzu, I am a true "freewriter"! This has been so good for my emotional growth because, as an Enneagram 2, I tend to "edit" my emotions. So, I am more raw with them in an intentional way when I write on Penzu. That is so healthy for me. SO SO GOOD!

There was something where someone took over something I had started on a text thread. Just blatantly took it over and started posting every day what I had started. She is many hours ahead of me. So, she would always "preempt" me in my posts by a day. So, I finally just had some honest conversation with the Lord about it, and I "let it go"! I worked through the many emotions that I would have stuffed, and then I was able to freely open my hand and say, "I can let her have it." 

I wish she had "read the room" that to me was quite obvious. I am disappointed that I was not able to share the things I wanted to with the generic publication that she was sharing, having no experience with the things talked about in the generic publication. I have personal interaction with most of the people the pages are talking about, but I just let it go, and, by golly, I have had enough other things going on that I don't need to have that with me. I needed to let it go. I am tired! With the basketball season and supporting those people involved with it, teaching two Pilates classes a week, leading 12 people through the Spiritual Exercises and training another person to lead four others through them, getting the Body and Soul Companion School of Spiritual Direction started, supervising four spiritual directors in training, and meeting with fourteen individual directees, I have had my hands full. Oh, and I have had so many people pop up who have been doing the Exercises on my YouTube and also learning about the Cycle of Grace and wanting resources to go with it (I spent two hours yesterday updating the links on my resource page. This is what I love to do! I love to create resources that help people encounter God.).

So she can have it! 

So that is where there is an advantage to freewrite my unvarnished thoughts on Penzu.

I do miss here though. I freewrote here for several years! I am sure I have looked up when I started doing it on this blog. I'll reremind myself when I finish this freewrite. (I know I went to Julie's house in Ohio in 2001, and I am pretty sure I had been doing freewrites for a while prior to that. I did it on the my first blog starting in September 2004 but started labeling them freewrites for the first time in this blog in March 2005. Prior to that, I had been doing it on paper with my kids and on the Trapdoor Society/Edu-Anon Sonlight Forums.)

So, I was supposed to go to do "Doodle Prayers" with sweet T! When I was being certified to do spiritual direction with children from August-December of 2024, I met with T and her sisters (and one time with her brother) almost every week. It was nothing short of DELIGHTFUL! One time, we sat out on her back deck and doodled our prayers. It is from the book Praying in Color. She contacted me last week because she is being intentional during Lent about prayer (intentional at age 11) and loved it when we did it back then. So, we were going to "Doodle Prayer" this morning, but I had already scheduled some "Anam Cara" time with Kim today (walking slowly since she had food poisoning this week) because we have not seen each other since before Christmas, and we try to walk once a month, at least!

I also couldn't find my Doodle Prayer book! What happened to it? I can get the adult one from the library but I have looked all over for the kid one and cannot find it. So, I postponed with T until Monday. That way I can keep looking for the book (or get the adult one from the library) and ride my bike to her house after I teach my class on Monday. It works so much better to do it on Monday.

So this morning, I have been catching up my Spiritual Exercises links. Pray as You Go has added so many new meditations since I linked them all back in 2019-2020. I started doing this early this morning and kept going. It was great. 

Where is that Doodle Prayer book? I have ripped apart my study in search of it, and it is nowhere to be found!!!

I think it is so cute that she wanted to meet. I will have more energy for it on Monday. I had a big day yesterday, and there was a game last night. So, we brought dinner over to Aki's (my former basketball coach) and watched that. 

I am at 15 minutes. Tada!  

Saturday Freewrite - Christmas and Looking at 2025 through God's Eyes

Lord Jesus, right from the moment of Your birth,

You lived with both the little and the great.

You charmed and challenged and won them all.

Lord, let me feel Your charismatic warmth,

That tremendous welcoming grace that made the simple love You

And their leaders seek You in the night.

Teach me to rest easy where You are,

Easy as hairy shepherd and smooth-shaven savant,

Easy as Mary who bore You gently,

Easy as Joseph who held You, your abba!

Accept the homage of my heart

Along with the shepherds’ adoring gaze

And the gifts of worshipful kings.[1]

So, I am going to write my 750 words for the day here. I usually write on Penzu.com now, but I was in the mood to write here instead. 

This poem is quoted at the end of Week 15 of the manual I wrote guiding people through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola called Exercises for Everyone. I had such a beautiful time in Weeks 12-15 meditating on the prophecies (Jesus' family history) and activities leading up to Jesus' birth. This poem is at the conclusion of it all. I love that. On Christmas morning, I spent a lot of time in what Ignatius calls the "Application of Senses" to the scenes of the Incarnation (Ignatius' imagining of what it might have been like in heaven), Annunciation, Visitation, and Nativity. It was a lovely experience and hard to put into words.

I followed that with listening deeply to Handel's Messiah.  So moving since it is all Scripture. 

Now, Week 15, Day 7 is a day to "Gather the Graces" of Weeks 10-15. I did this yesterday. I look at all the "graces" I have prayed for during those weeks:

I seek the grace to. . .

• Respond to Jesus’ invitation of love in my life.
• Not be deaf to Christ’s call but prompt and diligent to accomplish his most holy will.
• Understand God’s perfect plan from Creation to Christ’s Incarnation.
• Have an intimate knowledge of the Lord who became human for me.
• Enter into the mind of the One who chose to be born as I was born. I ask to love this little infant so that my life will fall into his life’s pattern.

Then I did a yearly Examen. I have unlimited usage of a The Great Annual Examen and have sent it to friends and people in the three groups I lead through the Exercises. Someday, I will write my own, but I have been adapting it with the Year Compass that has you draw pictures and ponder some things that The Great Annual Examen does not. One of my directees, not knowing what I was thinking, said I should write my own and lead people through a retreat on the subject. That would be fun. 

I feel like I have more and more bandwidth for something like that. We will see. 

I went for a retreat at Mt. Angel Abbey from November 21-23rd. So, I was able to get through most of my Great Annual Examen during that retreat. and the week of Thanksgiving. The directees I am meeting with have greatly reduced during this time. I have loved the extra time. The directees I have are solid and lovely. Less is MORE!! I love listening to their lives. 

What a difference from last year where I was hoping things would slow down the week of Thanksgiving, but the time from Monday before Thanksgiving to December 17th was full of a friend's visits to the hospital and having that person stay with us after discharge. It was crazy and definitely added more activity to our holiday season. 

This is a shorter version to pray an Examen for the year that I wrote for my manual:

If you are following the liturgical year, it is the end of the year. This is great time to pray through an Examen of the past year and look to the year ahead. You might want to schedule a day of prayer to pray through this.

1. Light – Ask God to shed light on your year to see it through his eyes.

2. Gratitude – Recall two to three top highlights of your year and give him thanks. These are the first two or three things that immediately surface in your heart and mind. You will have more time of gratitude. This is just to light the flame of gratitude in your heart before reviewing the year.

3. Replay the Year and Pay Attention to Feelings – Look through your year with a calendar handy. Pay attention to where you sensed God’s presence and where you might have ignored it. Do this by noting…

·       Consolations – When were times this year when you especially turned toward and felt the life-giving light of God’s presence? (peace, contentment, happiness, joy) Feel free to relive these moments with all of your senses. Also, this may lead you into expressions of gratitude to God. (You’ll also have a time to do this toward the end of the Examen.)

·  Desolations – When were times this year when you especially turned away from and felt the absence of God’s light and presence? (distress, discontentment, disconnectedness, sadness, depression, anxiety, fear) This might lead you into a time of confession and conversation with God. (This isn't in my manual, but over the years, I have learned to make two columns on my paper with consolations on the left and desolations on the right. I go month by month through the year. You can just write top two or three, but the comparisons between the left and the right columns have been helpful for me in so many ways!)

4. Breakthroughs – What were the significant breakthroughs spiritually, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, and physically this year?

5. Summary Words – Think of one word to sum up your year in each area: spiritually, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, and physically.

6. One Word – If you had one word (or phrase) to sum up your year overall, what would it be?

7. Desires – What desires did God stir in your heart through the experiences of this last year?

8. Prayer of Gratitude – Dwell on those times of consolation and offer a prayer of gratefulness.

9. Prayer for Next Year - Talk to him about your year ahead. Invite him to lead and guide you through it. Maybe he has a word for next year. Have a conversation and don’t forget to listen.

---

[1] Choosing Christ in the World, p. 53