I know I wrote that we are never alone, but here is what I wrote to a friend about how my day progressed on my Spiritual Birthday:
Yesterday was almost unbearable until 3:19 p.m. I
did everything I possibly could to lift the burden of loneliness that I felt
(except walking outside which I should have done, but it was raining, and I had
already deemed it an “inside work day,” but I should have gone anyway. That
would have so helped.)
Precipitations in this emotional dip were because in the last week the following things happened:
1) Revelation of things with my brother's family that were heartbreaking and made me feel "out of the loop" and alienated from them (even though all is well with no drama or conflict).
2) Death of my Iranian neighbor due to cancer.
3) Change in the length of what I thought
would be a week of vacation cut to 54 hours.
4) George being gone (when I thought
I would have a week with him because he said he was taking days off of work, but then abruptly said he had to go back to work on Tuesday).
5) Not being invited to an annual conference put on by our old department (through an innocent mix-up because we have been
in limbo from the old department to the new since January 13 because the new department head is too busy to nail down our responsibilities). The exchange with our sweet old boss with his apologies about the miscommunication only made me go more into a tailspin, creating monsters where there were none. (Do people not like us? We are excluded from the "insiders" club.) Sigh (sometimes I can get very irrational until I snap out of it).
6) Not being able
to find anyone to celebrate with me on my 44th Spiritual Birthday
with no clear plan for the day other than cleaning (which seemed too boring
compared to celebrating!).
On top of all this was that I knew that my two best friends in town were both in
intensely busy times of their lives (one is a sorority house mom and the girls
had just moved back in, and it is “work week” before Rush, the other is working
extra hours and a “soccer mom” which brings insanity to her house every fall.).
Of the three of us, I am not usually the “needy” one because I am pretty good
at balance and fighting depression through exercise and diet, but I need someone to cry with every once in a while (other than George – sometimes girls
are just better to do that with), and I did not want to bother them. This has not happened since March of 2012! SHOULD NOT
HAVE LISTENED TO THE LIE THAT THEY WERE TOO BUSY!
Well after crying on and off all day, I sent a text to those two, and one other friend I know prays
for me regularly because God has told her that she must and is a total encourager and prayer warrior. At 2:41 pm I said to all three:
“I am not
doing well today and seriously feel like I am losing my mind. I really need
prayer.”
Within a minute, one of those “busy” friends called to prayer for me immediately without even listening to the problem (she had just gotten off work and was on her way to pick up her kids), then she
called me back after she picked up her kids and listened to me cry and
validated my feelings.
I just assumed she was too busy to listen and already too burdened with her own stuff to care about mine, but we really do need
each other. In between her two calls, the other close friend called at 3:02 and
prayed and listened. At 3:19, while talking to the second friend the third
texted and said she was praying right then.
THE LIFTING WAS IMMEDIATE, and I
really do think it was a spiritual attack on my 44th spiritual
birthday!
The two friends I talked to said they, too, had
been struggling with LONELINESS!
After 3:19 p.m., I texted my old boss back and told him that if I had been at the conference I would not be able to go to the memorial service of my sweet Iranian neighbor, and he validated that it would have been hard for me to get on a plane knowing that I could be at the service. SO TRUE! (He is a very nice man, and I almost wish we were in his department after all because he is so easy to work with and not hard to pin down like the new boss.)
The 3:19 lifting sent me into cleaning mode, and I had such a good time! (Cleaning versus Celebrating was FUN. Can you believe that?) One
friend wanted to go to a movie to “lift my spirits” and the other wanted me to
take my kids out for 6.99 burgers and tell them my testimony, but I was so
exhausted from crying that I was afraid a movie would do me in, and the kids
did not want to go out (we ate out on our short vacation).
So, I fixed them one of their favorite easy dish (Dutch Baby), and I told them my testimony. They have heard it before but
listened politely, and one said, “It is obvious you have shared this a lot,
Mom.” That just really nailed Satan’s coffin
because you know that we overcome him by the world of our testimony (Revelation
12:11)! Try it when he is hassling you next time.
Then, I went to town on the master bedroom and linen closets. The kids even went through their bedroom drawers! The day ended SO
WELL with a goal accomplished and Satan defeated. Praise God. Total turnaround in a matter of minutes through prayer. I wish I had
asked for prayer and not listened to Satan’s lies that people were too busy.