I am still not feeling really, really well. I purposely skipped Group Power again. I even woke up time, but I had no desire to go. I want to feel better. I need some iron and some water. I feel very lathargic. Part of that probably contributed to my meltdown at Bible study yesterday. I am a bit discouraged there, but I don't know what I can do to change that. I am just used to setting a very high standard, and I don't want people to feel judged in that. Oh, I have much to learn, but I don't have the energy to learn it right now. I just want to rest for a while.
I think it is hard when I continue to get emails from the ladies from last year asking me questions. A part of me wants to help, but a part of me wants to just say, "Well, should I be paying for the fact that my partner did hardly anything last year. So, they have to ask me because she doesn't know the answer? Why on EARTH did they pick her when she did hardly any work? Why did they reward her lazy behavior?" I know what the answer is: Politics. It is just that and nothing more. S had to chose because I couldn't go on with her, and he had to chose the elder's wife. That has to be it, but it sucks. So, I think that this contributes to my lethargy. I know as the conference come closer and closer that they will be asking me more and more questions, and they will finally see how much I contributed to the flow of things. That is why I was so exhausted after it though.
I am complaining. I guess I just lost a little confidence in the whole process, and I keep thinking that I will never have another opportunity like that again, and I blew it because I couldn't work with a drama queen. It isn't fair that I had to pay the price, but I look at where I am now, and I am so very grateful for where I have landed. So, it wasn't for naught. It really wasn't, but I don't like the constant reminder of my rejection for doing what is right.
So, that is my complaining on a Friday morning.