Freewrite Fifteen on a Wednesday Afternoon

After a gloomy and rain-filled morning, the sun is setting in the west and streaming through silver clouds and my French doors to sunlight on the table in which I write this. There is a touch of God in this moment that I wanted to write about. I am at peace. Much of my life lately has been an attempt at "presence." I read The Practice of the Presence of God in my 20s, and there have been such glimpse of that glory throughout my life. But lately, I see my part more and more in the equation. He is always present, but I am more and more able to bring my presence as well. To bring all of me in that moment.  It is hard to even write about it now because it has been lasting through the freewrite. So often I could try to capture this in writing, but once the mechanics of the writing started the moment was lost, and I would have to speak of it in past tense, but the sun continues to stream through the  window, and I am continuing to bring that presence to Him as He continues to stream His presence to me. 

I have benefitted so much lately from teachers who have modeled and encouraged this in me. They have said, "Don't bring the past into your thinking or have worry or fear into the future. Just BE in the present moment." I realize much of my mind is occupied with the past and the future. There was something that I did recently, that I would have gone into with fear, but I just enjoyed the moment of safety even as I walked up the steps for a potentially difficult conversation. Part of my preparation for things can be fear. So I walked up prepared but not fearful. It was not the greatest conversation and it even made me feel a bit sad, but I felt God's presence, and I heard him whisper to "Let it go and pray." I walked away safe and peaceful. There is enough love to go around for that person, but I am not the person to walk with them through it. I am not responsible for the outcome either.

So I am encouraged. I am encouraged to see growth in my life lately that I have never seen before. New growth in God's original design and desires for me. And it is so fun. It is so full of sun. I am capturing it in my heart as I type. It continues to stay with me through the freewrite. Oh there is such joy in this journey. No doubt about it. Loving life in this very moment.