Christ on the Indian Road, p. 19-21
I went on to India with
a deepening cloud upon me. Here I was beginning a new term of
service in this trying climate and beginning it— broken.
I went straight to the hills upon arrival and took a complete rest for
several months. I came down to the plains to
try it out and found that I was just as badly off
as ever. I went to the hills again. When I came
down the second time I saw that I could go no
further, I was at the end of my resources, my
health was shattered. Here I was facing this
call and task and yet utterly unprepared for it
in every possible way.
I saw that unless I got help from somewhere
I would have to give up my missionary career,
go back to America and go to work on a farm
to try to regain my health. It was one of my
darkest hours. At that time I was in a meeting
at Lucknow. While in prayer, not particularly
thinking about myself, a Voice seemed to say,
“Are you yourself ready for this work to which
I have called you?” I replied : “No, Lord, I am
done for. I have reached the end of my rope.”
The Voice replied, “If you will turn that over to
me and not worry about it, I will take care of it.”
I quickly answered, “Lord, I close the bargain
right here.” A great peace settled into my heart
and pervaded me. I knew it was done! Life-
abundant Life— had taken possession of me. I
was so lifted up that I scarcely touched the road
as I quietly walked home that night. Every inch
was holy ground. For days after that I hardly
knew I had a body. I went through the days,
working all day and far into the night, and came
down to bedtime wondering why in the world I
should ever go to bed at all, for there was not
the slightest trace of tiredness of any kind. I
seemed possessed by Life and Peace and Itest
by Christ himself.
The question came as to whether I should tell
this. I shrank from it, but felt I should — and
did. After that it was sink or swim before every-
body. But nine of the most strenuous years of
my life have gone by since then, and the old
trouble has never returned, and I have never had
such health. But it was more than a physical
Touch. I seemed to have tapped new Life for
body, mind, and spirit. Life was on a perma-
nently higher level. And I had done nothing
but take it !
I suppose that this experience can be picked
to pieces psychologically and explained. It does
not matter. Life is bigger than processes and
overflows them. Christ to me had become Life.
Apart from this Touch I question if I would
have had the courage to answer the call to work
among these leaders of India’s thought and life.
It was too big and too exacting. But here I saw
my Resources. And they have not failed.
Here is a similar experience in Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret:
"The Exchanged Life" Chapter
Yes, in me, in me He dwelleth–– I in Him and He in me! And my empty soul He filleth Now and through eternity. –– Horatio Bonar" . . . God made me a new man! God has made me a new man!"Wonderful was the experience that had come in answer to prayer, yet so simple as almost to baffle description . . .
| Do you know, I now think that this striving, longing, hoping for better days to come is not the true way to holiness, happiness or usefulness. It is better, no doubt, far better than being satisfied with poor attainments, but not the best way after all. I have been struck with a passage from a book . . . entitled Christ is All. It says,"The Lord Jesus received is holiness begun; the Lord Jesus cherished is holiness advancing; the Lord Jesus counted upon as never absent would be holiness complete . . . . "He is most holy who has most of Christ within, and joys most fully in the finished work . . ." . . . . To let my loving Savior work in me His will, my sanctification, is what I would live for by His grace. Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto Him; trusting Him for present power; . . . resting in the love of an almighty Savior, in the joy of a complete salvation, "from all sin"––this is not new, and yet 'tis new to me . . . . Christ literally all seems to me, now, the power, the only power for service, the only ground for unchanging joy . . . . How then to have our faith increased? Only by thinking of all that Jesus is and all He is for us: His life, His death, His work, He Himself as revealed to us in the Word, to be the subject of our constant thoughts. Not a striving to have faith . . . but a looking off to the Faithful One seems all we need; a resting in the Loved One entirely, for time and eternity. . . . . I looked to Jesus, and when I saw––oh, how joy flowed! It was resting in Jesus now, and letting Him do the work––which makes all the difference. Whenever he spoke in meetings after that, a new power seemed to flow from him, and in the practical things of life a new peace possessed him. Troubles did not worry him as before. He cast everything on God in a new way, and gave more time to prayer. It was the exchanged life that had come to him––the life that is indeed "No longer I." . . . It was a blessed reality "Christ liveth in me." And how great the difference!––instead of bondage, liberty; instead of failure, quiet victories within; instead of fear and weakness, a restful sense of sufficiency in Another. Perhaps I may make myself more clear if I go back a little. . . . I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for meditation––but all without avail. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness sin oppressed me. I knew that if only I could abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not. I would begin the day with prayer, determined not to take my eye off Him for a moment, but pressure of duties, sometimes very trying, and constant interruptions apt to be so wearing, caused me to forget Him. Then one's nerves get so fretted in this climate that temptations to irritability, had thoughts and sometimes unkind words are all the more difficult to control. Each day brought its register of sin and failure, of lack of power. To will was indeed "present with me," but how to perform I found not. Then came the questions, is there no rescue? Must it be thus to the end––constant conflict, and too often defeat? . . . . Instead of growing stronger, I seemed to be getting weaker and to have less power against sin; and no longer, for faith and even hope were getting low. I hated myself, I hated my sin, yet gained no strength against it. I felt I was a child of God. His Spirit in my heart would cry, in spite of all, "Abba, Father." But to rise to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless. . . . . I knew I was powerless. I told the Lord so, and asked Him to give me help and strength. Sometimes I almost believed that He wold keep and uphold me; but on looking back in the evening––alas! There was but sin and failure to confess and mourn before God. . . . . And yet, never did Christ seem more precious; a Savior who could and would save such a sinner! . . . And sometimes there were seasons not only of peace but of joy in the Lord; but they were transitory, and at best there was a sad lack of power. All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical question was––how to get it out. He was rich truly, but I was poor; He was strong, but I weak. I knew full well that there was in the root, the stem, abundant fatness, but how to get it into my puny little branch was the question. As gradually light dawned, I saw that faith was the only requisite––was the hand to lay hold on His fullness and make it mine. But I had not this faith. I strove for faith, but it would not come; I tried to exercise it, but in vain. Seeing more and more the wondrous supply of grace laid up in Jesus, the fullness of our precious Savior, my guilt and helplessness seemed to increase. Sins committed appeared but as trifles compared with the sin of unbelief which was their cause, which could not or would not take God at His word. . . . I prayed for faith, but it came not. What was I to do? When my agony of soul was at its height, a sentence in a letter from dear McCarthy was used to remove the scales from my eyes, and the Spirit of God revealed to me the truth of our oneness with Jesus as I had never known it before. "But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One." As I read, I saw it all! "If we believe not, he abideth faithful." I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed)! That He had said, "Iwill never leave thee." "Ah, there is rest!" I thought. "I have striven in vain to rest in Him. I'll strive no more. For has not He promised to abide with me––never to leave me, never to fail me?" And, . . . He never will. . . . . As I thought of the Vine and the branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured direct into my soul! How great seemed my mistake in wishing to get the sap, the fullness out of Him! I saw not only that Jesus will ever leave me, but that I am a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. The vine is not the root merely, but all––root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit. And Jesus is not that alone––He is soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we have ever dreamed, wished for or needed. Oh, the joy of seeing this truth! I do pray that the eyes of your understanding too may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ. . . . It is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Savior, to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and your left poor? Or your head be well fed while your body starves? . . . . No more can your prayers or mine be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e., not for the sake of Jesus merely, but on the ground that we are His, His members) so long as we keep within the limits of Christ's credit––a tolerably wide limit! The sweetest part, . . . is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no matter where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest position He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient. . . . So, if God should place me in serious perplexity, must He not give me much guidance; in positions of great difficulty, much grace; in circumstances of great pressure and trials, much strength? No fear that His resources will prove unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine, for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me. And since Christ has thus dwelt in my heart by faith, how happy I have been! . . . I am no better than before. In a sense, I do not wish to be, nor am I striving to be. But I am dead and buried with Christ––ay, and risen too! And now Christ lives in me, and "the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." . . . . Do not let us consider Him as far off, when God has made us one with Him, members of His very body. Nor should we look upon this experience, these truths, as for the few. They are the birthright of every child of God, and no one can dispense with them without dishonoring our Lord. The only power for deliverance from sin or for true service is Christ. And it is all so simple and practical! "But are you always conscious of this abiding in Christ?" Mr. Taylor was asked many years later. "While sleeping last night," he replied, "did I cease to abide in your home because I was unconscious of the fact? We should never be conscious ofnot abiding in Christ."
I change, He changes not;
The Christ can never die:
His truth, not mine, the resting place;
His love, not mine, the tie.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment