Monday Morning Freewrite
I entirely stress ate the last two days due to some stressful things happening in other peoples' lives. I absorb other people's stress, and I know that I have done that. That was the case on Friday. I was stressed due to another person's hardship and 5 1/2 hours of listening and praying. Then I went back on Saturday and the person "confessed" all the things they had been judging me for - basically telling me all the things I had done wrong in our relationship - some of which was absurd like saying I talked about people and they put two and two and knew who I was talking about - NOT! There are few people we know that overlap in the area of people whom I work through tough things with, plus, I would share general things about marriage issues, and this person assumed I was talking about specific people. So, I know that most of the stuff this said is filled with false conclusions, but I so dislike being misunderstood and judged based on a false conclusion.
Only one specific example was when I got a text from someone that upset me. This person is CONSTANTLY upset about things with other people, and I have helped that person work through negative feelings toward just about everyone (Why didn't I assume if they talk about everyone else negatively the person would also do so with me? I was under a very false assumption that we had a great relationship until last Sunday - boy was I ever wrong!). I had compassion for this person, but I had one instance where I shared that something upset me, and instead of eliciting this person's compassion (very few people listen to me, the listener, - thus why I go to a spiritual director and walk with Kim one time a week), it elicited this person's JUDGMENT of me (because it is apparently nonspiritual to share when something upsets me? As a spiritual leader I should never be upset or hurt? I don't know.)
I know this person was confessing that that was wrong, but honestly, I would rather they just confess it to God instead of unloading it on me and making me deal with it.
This was only two examples. The list went on and on and on (including how I fed my children when they were infants - I think I mentioned it once in passing, and boy, did they ever use that against me), and it made me wonder if this person pursues me as a mentor when they think I am so nonspiritual because of all the things that I have done wrong.
Needless to say, I walked out of their feeling so beat up. So, I look at the ISFJ personality type "stress" things, and this is why I am still processing two days later.
I have some people who do not know the details praying. Of course, my inner circle knows, but that is a very small group of three that is outside of the situation.
A part of me was hurt and another part was mad, but I am passed the mad stage, and I have forgiven. I just need to be on the "work through all the junk and move on stage."
Thus why I write.
I have had such a wonderful summer. Absolutely wonderful summer. I am glad that I didn't know how hostile this person felt toward me while I was in England. I need to just move on. And I will move on. Glad they could get it off their chest. I hope it helps them heal. I am able to be strong, and I have such a wonderful husband. This person is just not doing well, and I need to take that into account and not judge myself. I do feel compassion, but I also think it is time for me to set some boundaries. I will just ask that person to confess those things to God and not include me in on the details. It is too painful for me, and I have feelings, and they are her things and not mine.
I do laugh because of what helps the ISFJ deal with stress is "reading emotionally moving or spiritual things." That is so true. For more on what causes one stress and how to deal with it see: