I just don't think I have that many profound things to say.
So, I will treat this more as a journal that processes my thoughts of the day.
I already did this a bit on my photo blog which is right here (just had to do that because I just figured that out tonight!), but I wanted to journal a bit about how I process things so that I might get a better grip on how to more quickly get back on the "road."
- I anticipated that something might be hard for me in the interaction with a friend today. So, I prayed about it. I asked George to pray about it too. My last "funk" occurred after interaction with this friend. Nothing that the friend has done wrong. This is a lovely person, but my heart is tender still. It is still mourning. So, I went into it thinking, "I might get hurt."
- I heard some things that made me mourn. It was not anything huge, but I mourned. It made me question relationship. The good news is that I didn't say anything out loud that would cause me to have to make a confession later on. In other words, I remained silent and didn't let my tongue go wild. (For that alone, I can rejoice and say today was really a GREAT day).
- I go down to a "funk."
- I wrote George and email, asking him to pray about it. He expressed his concern that this might happen.
- I considered having distance from this relationship in order to give me time to heal.
- I called a friend who is part of the funk. I heard something from my friend that made me wonder why another friend hasn't told me about it. Is she hiding it from me to protect me? Does it help for me to hear it from other people? It made me wonder why this friend doesn't initiate an "open conversation" about thing. It made me fear in the friendship. It made me wonder. I tried to call, and I got an answering machine, but that is what I really think is best. I still needed to process more about all of this before I talk it through with someone. (Again, another reason to rejoice. How many times have I, in hindsight, been glad that someone wasn't on the other end while I was still raw emotionally?)
- I got an irritating phone call from a person I order home school books from, and they were very inflexible about when I could pick up the books. I am already tender emotionally. So, I am not happy with the inflexibility. I know it is because I still haven't processed this morning.
- I was still in a funk when I take the kids to music (This is funk from 9-1:15 p.m.)
- I was irritated that the music didn't start on time and the person previous does not leave knowing that I am paying for her to sit and talk to the music teacher.
- I was sitting there, and I realized that it is a beautiful day. I didn't have to be here. I can make a choice to walk out and get a better perspective on the day.
- I drove straight to Sam's Station. While in the parking lot, I called George to ask him to pray once again.
- I armed myself with a journal, Face to Face Scriptures, camera, and I ordered a chai and pay that extra .60 for the whipped cream. I am served by the sweetest, kindest woman.
- I prayed. I journaled. I processed. What do you know? God showed up!!!
"No purpose of Mine can be thwarted (Job 42:2). My life is not my own; it is not
for me to direct my steps. O Lord, corrects me.(Jer.10:23-24). May I receive the
words of wisdom (Proverbs 2:1). You turned my mourning into dancing, You removed
my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my heart may sing praise to You
and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever (Psalm
30:10-12)" In the margin I had written "8-6-02 - You really have turned my
mourning into dancing. Thank you for healing. Thank you for Carol C! Thanks
again for Carol C., visited her on 11-4-06 and cleaned out some stuff!" I was
reminded of Carol's words to me last time we met (In Dec). "You are my hiding
place and my shield; I have put my hope in Your word (Psalm 119:114). You are a
shield to those who take refuge in You (Prov. 30:5). You look upon the lowly,
but the proud You know from afar. (Ps. 138:4-6)." Lord, I don't want to be
proud. "My days are like a lengthened shadow, and I wither away like grass;But you, O Lord, will endure forever."
- I confessed my bad attitude toward that bookseller. I need to be gracious regardless of her inflexibility. I don't want to be proud.
- I "got it." A light bulb went on and I looked up and saw this. (blurry, but I had to include it because it is totally what happened to me!)
- It is a light bulb planter! It is a hanging planter. The title of this is "Piece of the Puzzle," and I felt like I had some pieces fall together for me today. I ended up buying this piece of recycled art. (It was made by that sweet lady who greeted me at the door BTW! You can see more at Sam's Station Website and click on "ART"). I have to have it as a reminder of a light bulb moment for me.
- I imbibed the Chai on Ice with whipped cream with passion (you have to have a little pamper time in your processing with God too).
- I realized that I am protected by His power. He doesn't allow anything for the purpose of defeating me. I went into that walk today almost expecting that something was going to hurt me in the conversation. As I related to George on the cell phone as I left Sam's Station, it was almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I realized that I don't have to go into things in vulnerability like that. I don't have to wear my heart on my sleeve! I am protected, and I can go in there and be proactive and positive in my approach toward all of this.
- I returned to the music lesson and that instructor must have thought that I had been through an exorcism in the hour I was gone. In some ways, I had been. Garbage was cleaned out! :)
- I came home and God confirmed by what Carol C. had told me in an email (You can read the quote here).
- I called Kim and I processed what I heard from God, and it was so confirming
- I posted to my photo blog a bit about what I have processed. It just helps to have a photo to say that I am looking ahead and not behind. I also cannot distance myself from these dear friends even though it sometimes hurts to hear about how things are going on "without me," but Carol C. said it right about the loaves and fishes.
- I enjoyed a good processing with my dh when he came home
- I ate dinner with an incredible family
- I posted my thoughts here and will go work on my SHAPE for tomorrow night.
That is my 25 point process for working through a problem. LOL!
back on to the road . . .