Talking to different people, my reaction is not resentment, but true compassion. I am praying for growth and transformation. I feel no ill-will toward anyone. I feel compassion and forgiveness. I have felt that for a long time, but in light of the newest revelations in the last few days, I could have a "I told you so!" attitude, but I have a somber sadness that someone can't take the hard road of looking at themselves in light of God's infinite love and make some serious steps toward obedience. This makes me not mad but ultimately sad. I don't want to become that way. I really and truly don't want to harden my heart that way. I want to continue to surround myself with people who will "speak truth in love" regardless of how I feel about it. In regards to last year, I feel like I have been the one to receive all the benefit and blessing from the trial, and I want to spread that around a bit, not out of resentment, but out of genuine concern for individuals AND for the health of that local body AND the larger body of Christ!
This morning I read those confirming and comforting verses that I have underlined and dated more than once:
For You have tried us, O God;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid an oppressive burden upon our loins.
You made men ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water,
Yet You brought us out into a place of abundance.
I wrote in the margin on September 24, 2006 "SCC is my place of abundance. :)" I wrote again on April 6, 2007 "Still true of SCC." I know this talks of Israel's struggle out of Egypt, but in a way, I had my own struggle "out of Egypt" in that it really was more of a captivity there for me.
So, I am glad to be in a place of abundance. I am glad that I heard yesterday from one of the pastors that there are no power struggles in the women's ministry. The people in charge are there for the right reasons. No one is nursing old grudges or trying to prove themselves or jockeying for position or trying to meet an unmet need they never got as a child. The skies are clear above this ministry, and I know that it is a place of abundance and growth for me. Thank you God!