Journaling on a Tuesday Morning

I think I just need to journal a bit. I know I always call these "freewrites," but in many ways, they are a journal.

I think I still have all the adrenaline running through my body from booking tickets for our Afghan friends. I feel like my journey with them will just involve prayer from now on. It has taken a lot out of me to do what he is asking me to do. It has been wonderful to find so many wonderful people who have given so generously for them to get out of the country. I want to turn my attention back to the women (and their family members) who are in the refugee camps now. That is where I am feeling led. 

All that said, I don't like to get pushy or bold or even angry! Sometimes anger is called "righteous," and my dear husband and my dear God has continued to tell me that what I did was OK, but the adrenaline that flowed through my veins as I stood up to J's stubbornness took a toll on me physically. I woke up at 12:30 last night in a sweat. I don't know why. I had slept peacefully for three hours, and then I just woke up. I had a lovely time reading my book though. That was so nice. I just don't like having to stand up to anyone. I feel so uncomfortable in those Type 8 shoes. I am connected to it, and my early learning told me that that Type 8 was the "bad" side of me. The type I go to in "stress," but J's message came to me while i was peacefully sipping a drink in my backyard and reading a soul-stirring book. There was a part of me that just "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I am sick and tired of your hesitating (because hesitating can get you killed). If your friend got out, why didn't you!!!" I needed to just be bold, and I know that, but I always hate the feeling I have after that. 

I have to go to teach my class today. I love teaching. I know once I get on my bike and go, I will feel great. I just got a late start this morning since I was up from 12:30-4 am. I had a VERY EARLY time with God. LOL! So I have not quite shaken off the sleepies (since I usually get up at 4:30). 

I am also trying to figure out my schedule for the next term. I feel the need to "pull in." Everything I do I love. I don't love the politics of one of my jobs. But the rest of what I do has me working with wonderful people. I know that one of my jobs needs to have an end to it. I have lost confidence in its leadership. The actual job is fun though. I have met so many warm and wonderful people. But I feel like I need to be done with it by the end of the year. 

Well, I better get going to class. One of my students is going to demonstrate for me. That will be really fun.