I had some up and down dips in September that were well-documented here, but thanks to others who pray and listen, I am great. I think that "greatness" was cemented with my Mt. Angel 48 Hours of solitude, silence, and supplication. I love it up there. I need to do overnighters twice a year. I just did a day up there in March, and it was great but curtailed because I was with someone else. That is good because I was exposing them to the wonders of SSS, but I need my solitude. I am at heart an introvert, but I need to feed that beyond just being at home.
I read this new book: Silence, Solitude, and Simplicity that I will be reviewing here shortly. So yummy. Just one quote to wet your appetite:
It is so easy to have desire eroded, to be diverted or enticed away from that central hunger of our being. We have to keep it alive.
These days of retreat help me keep it alive, keeping the main thing, the main thing. God has given all of us "central hunger" for Him, but we are confused in how we meet that hunger by all the trinkets of life in this world. I know that very well! It is so good to go there and have all the distractions stripped away to the simplicity of just pressing in to knowing Him (Hosea 6:3 was a central verse that I meditated on. That and Psalm 42:1-2.).
So my heart and soul are satisfied (Psalm 63:5), and I know there is so much more to knowing and trusting Him.
I came back wondering where I fit in to church women dynamics. I went to SCC Book Club, and I just felt like I did not belong there even though I think all the women are just lovely, and I love the books they presented for the coming year. I had great connection with Donna, Donna, Jane, and Ilene (she has done Bible Book Club, and she will do it again next year). I just think it is too big for me. I like the intimacy of the Book Dames more (smaller, and I know the women better), but I want somewhere to connect with women at SCC, but I guess I do not have the time, and my life with women is more with those outside the walls of the church. I want to go to the Fall conference, but I usually walk away feeling lonely, and I do not like that feeling when I know that I am not. I just do not like a sea of chit-chat rather than deeper and more meaningful relationships. Sigh.
But I go back to my solitude, and I know that YOU are calling me to my own special thing. I have a strength of networking relationships that goes beyond the church, and I feel like the church is supportive of that. I just need to not think they are disappointed in me for not being more involved with the big activities. I always think I can go to things, and then other things push it out of the way.
Lead on Lord. I do not need to be distracted by all of that, but it is good to communicate it.
I am trying to schedule regular time with like-hearted people. So I may do Thursday mornings with Teala and then Yumm bowls or burritos with her for lunch. She has to go somewhere at 12:30, and that might be really good for me to have an end time to get back home. I am also trying to walk with Kim and go out to tea at least every other month. We are going on the 18th. YAY!
The next week I may go up early to Seattle and have George join me, but I would really rather just go with George there so we have time together to talk. We are going to Rick Steves' Travel Conference on the 26th since our 25th in 2015 is going to be in Europe, and we want to start planning now! But we have a commitment on Sunday morning at church. SO maybe not. I am so confused.
Anyway, my heart is good. Must press in to the Papa this morning though.
Walden on Wheels is my latest read. It has some foul language and sensuality, but it is so interesting to find a 20-something who hates debt as much as I do!
I did not do heavier weights for three weeks, and I had NO PAIN or TIGHTNESS this last weekend! I did do back exercises, Pilates, and some very light weights. I did some heavier weights yesterday along with Pilates and belly dancing, and my back was tight this morning. FINE LINE for me in all of this, and I must learn the balance.
I did not watch my calories for September, and I overate 225 calorie average per day for a two pound weight gain in 31 days. This is how it happens people! Just a little bit of weight month by month, and in five months, you have gained back 10 pounds! I should say that I am still under my ideal weight, that is why I shoot for a lower amount than my medium frame weight (172.6). So if I gain two pounds, I am still under (1.2 pounds under to be exact).
That is why my goal is MAINTENANCE this year. Still trying to find that sweet spot of eating where I am not counting every calorie but also maintaining at least my medium frame weight. I am back to counting and reporting for the whole month of October to do just that. I want to get a bit lower so I have wiggle room for the holidays! :) I am done with my daily accountability commitment on December 20 when I started daily reporting (even though I was not doing daily calorie counting).
It helps that I do not allow my morning chai tea if I am over 173. I thought that had a nice ring to it, "No chai TEA unless under one seventy THREE!" I am so weird.