Tuesday Freewrite

Yesterday was a great day. I woke up this morning so different from how I went to bed. I miss George this morning. It is his birthday, and I was hoping to go up to see him but I realized that 1) Paul will not have a car to get to work, and 2) I have Valentina and Peter coming in the morning. So, it won't work out. 

I am also going to do a silent class this morning for both classes, and I am always tentative to do this. It doesn't always please people, and you know how I love to please "all the people all the time." :) HAHAHAHAHAHA.

It really is fine. I will figure it out. A part of me just wants to go back to bed. So maybe I am not feeling well. I cannot tell. 

I had such a productive day yesterday getting my handouts and exercises ready for the little workshop I am going to do on March 7. I don't know what my problem is right now. So I will just go with the feeling. 

A part of it is that little monsters of doubt came back about all the junk spewed at me in December. What if it is true? I know I had laid that to rest because no one believes it is true. It was a broken mirror. Really probably more true about the other person than me. I have heard the psychological term "projection" thrown out a lot by friends and family who know me well. It still hurt so deeply. I am feeling like this is good to just keep writing about it. I know my personality type tends to "edit feelings" and "positively reframe" things so often. So if the feelings come back, even in smaller doses, I am going to not fight them and express them honestly. 

My meditation this morning was on sending out the disciples in Matthew 10. They would be persecuted. The Spirit of the Father would give them the words to say at the proper time, and I need to know that I will have the right words to say at the right time. A part of me just wants to be with George. I just want my hubby home. I am so grateful that we are so solid. We are so supportive of each other. I am so praying for the third Weaver man to get a job. Michael got one last week. Paul got one at the end of December. Now it is George's turn. He has a job, but I would like him to have a new one that has him home every night. There was one where he would telecommute once a week. It would be great if it were a Monday. Then I could go up with him every Monday and then we could come back together every Monday night. That would be so very cool. I know there is that one job that offers that, but he has not heard a thing.  He is wondering because he is too old. 

I am just rambling, but that is what a freewrite is supposed to do. This is part of my healing. 

The workshop I am doing will look at the three instinctual variants:

1) Self-Preservation (Zone 1: Personal maintenance, Zone 2: Practical wisdom, Zone 3: Domesticity)
2) Sexual (Zone 1: Arousal, Zone 2: Attraction, Zone 3:Fushion) - this is not only sexual this is about what ignites a fire in you.
3) Social (Zone 1: Reading people and Situations, Zone 2: Creating and Maintaining Connections and Bonds, Zone 3: Contribution and Participation)

Reviewing Russ Hudson's class has been SO GOOD! I love it. I think he has a better handle on defining these three variants than most people. With his definition, I am definitely a Social who loves one on one relationships. One on One is mistakenly how people describe the sexual, but Russ gives a good case where this is not necessarily what that means. I am so glad I can review these lectures. Now, I am going to edit my Type descriptions for people to look at AFTER I explain this. I do not want people to get hung up on the Type descriptions and not see that the transformational work comes from working on their blind spot. 

Fifteen minutes are done. Now to get ready for classes. Silent classes await.