Freewrite Fifteen

I am meeting with my conversant in 35 minutes, but I have not had a freewrite in a very long time. 

I really love all that is happening in my life. This morning, during my Silent Prayer time, I change my sacred word to the phrase "gazing always at me." That is really what it is: being intentional about gazing at him. It is about "beholding his beauty" intentionally. I love that. I do so much better when I have Silent Prayer time. In some ways, I do like the word Centering Prayer as that is what I am doing: I am centering on Him alone, receiving no thought, person, or activity and rejecting no thought. I think the "receive no thought, reject no thought" is something akin to the boats and debris on the river. I do not climb on the boat or debris (receive) but I also don't "try" to remove the boat or debris (reject). I just let it float by. It was there but now it is gone, but the river (God) is always there. I have loved growing in this practice. I had to choose a practice the second year of my spiritual direction training. I had been "dabbling" in Centering prayer for years. I started getting a little more intentional in 2018. Then I got a lot more intentional in 2019. Then the pandemic hit, and all these online Centering prayer groups sprung up everywhere. That really helped me grow in this practice.

So I am still growing, but through all the things that have been very stressful this week, I have been able to be intentional about fixing my gaze on God.

She passed away weeks before all this mess in Afghanistan.

The biggest stress for me this week has been the fall of Afghanistan. I am sad my friends there did not see the urgency to get out when they could get out. I am not sure what they were thinking. One of my friends even went back to the country when he was out prior to this mess. 

Now, the situation is really desperate. Everyone is fleeing to Kabul, and somehow, all the costs of visas to other countries have skyrocketed (my friend trying to get to Turkey is looking at 3000 for a visa - that just does not seem right), and the people in the American embassy are being evacuated today. It is a mess.  I am still praying about what would be the best course of action. Wisdom is needed. Miracles are needed. 

In personal news, I am pain-free in my back after some weird things happening over the last month. The only thing I could attribute it to was trying to learn the exercises for the Back Clinic I was going to teach. They really messed up my back. I think all the exercises are really sound, but the order does not allow for relaxation of the hip flexors which I have found to be the key turning point in the elimination of pain for me. In addition, the exercises
conflict with how my body has worked after doing Pilates consistently since 2003. I remember when we first moved into this house doing the Windsor Pilates Videos (or maybe DVDs), and thinking, this is what my body needs. Joseph Pilates thought out a genius order of things. This Back Clinic as a stand-alone is probably fine, but trying to switch back and forth between it and Pilates has been very painful (and expensive) for me. The cost far outweighs the benefit of doing it. So, I told Sarah that I would not teach it after all. 

My timer when off.