Sunday Morning Freewrite Fifteen
I have not done this in forever. In fact, I have not been doing a lot of writing these days. I am editing my Bible Book Club posts, and that has been so fulfilling and fun. I get to read what I wrote as far back as five years ago (I am editing posts, and the majority of those were written in 2009). It is fun to see that I have GROWN! YAY! I really have. It is so fun to think that this life is so fluid.
I am listening to "Soothing Worship" by Jon Thurlow. He is singing, "No fruit's gonna' come through you unless you remain in me." He sings this over and over. This is SO my philosophy of life. Ever since my breakdown in 1983 and Pearl Tadema (I am sure she has passed away since she was retirement age when she counseled with me) told me something to the effect, "You are bearing fruit simply by your abiding. Jesus Christ is the end of self-effort." This was the result of reading my journals and seeing how hard I would try.
I am looking at my Strengthsfinder strengths, and it is the double edge of llllllll;;; (to the left is me trying to get the chai tea/whipped cream I tried to get off the keys of my keyboard. Maybe I better go and wash my hands - stop timer. HAHAHAHAH).
Now what was I saying? Oh, the double edge of the strength of "achiever"! I think I am so much less of an achiever than I used to be. I love abiding. I would not be able to do what I do without the Lord. I have been with a lot of people who do not rely on the Lord in the last week; and strangely, my heart is so enlarged in love for them. Is it possible to be past the "feeling alienated" stage and feel like I can offer something so real and tangible by being the hands and feet of Jesus? I do not feel like it is me in a sea of liberalism. OK, now I am crying in overwhelming love for all those people. It is not a "me against them" kind of mentality. Frankly, I am not so sure it has ever been like that for me. I just want to be Jesus who lives inside of me and offers hope and healing to others. Crossing the liberal/conservative chasm is not that hard to do when you do not look at the world through that lens.
So many lives. So many hearts that need filling. I do not need to defend Him with doctrinal point. I do not need to "sell" Him but just "smell" like Him. The only way I know how to do that is to abide (now we are back to what I was just saying). My eyes are continually on You, Jesus. THANK YOU for grabbing my heart. It really had nothing to do with me. It was all about You.
"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You.
Through it all, through it all, it is well with me.
Let it go my soul and trust in Him.
The waves and wind still know His name."
Simple steps. "No one comes to the Me, unless the Father draws him."
(Since it has been a long time since I have written a freewrite, I want to remind my readers that you are to send these things without proofreading or corrections. I write like I talk. So, there will be mistakes.)