Cultivating God's Presence

I heard about this book when the author was interviewed for the Order of the Mustard Seed Podcast:

https://soundcloud.com/user-735923853/season-4-episode-11-richard-roberts

 I was intrigued. So, I bought the book to read on my Camino to Castlewellan journey. The part I read during that was wonderful. Once I got home, the part in the middle was a little repetitive about history and such.  I have read extensively about Monasticism and Celtic Christianity. So, the middle was a bit boring for me. It was redeemed at the end by talking about elements of a Rule of Life that I found useful!

What is really providential is that he is a regular speaker and trustee at Ffald y Brenin (The Sheepfold of the King) in Wales. This is the conference center that the spiritual formation group I work for (2HC - do it! It is that good) is considering for our opening retreat next year! The day I found this out was the day I read about it, and he speaks about this place extensively in his book. That was cool! 

Seeking God: Finding Another Kind of Life with St. Ignatius and Dallas Willard

I really liked this book by Trevor Hudson. I love St. Ignatius and the Spiritual Exercises (I offer them - look on my ministry website: https://bodyandsoulcompanion.com/services )

I also loved hearing Dallas Willard's words integrated into Trevor's book. I hope this encourages more people who will pray the Exercises. They were life-changing for me, and I hope they are for a whole new generation of people. 

If you are going to read this, join the Renovare Book Club, and you will have access to a podcast by Trevor, and articles that he has written about this book. They are invaluable. 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Me at Peavy Arboretum 

The sun will rise in 22 minutes. So, I will use 15 of them for a nice Freewrite on my trusty blog. I have been blogging since 2004 (this is the second blog because the other one disappeared for a while and reappeared many years after I had started this one. I cannot remember when I switched to this one.). 

So I am feeling 100% better. I think the last few days were not COVID but were JETLAG! It is a real thing, and I don't care if others say, "Oh it doesn't take me that much time to recover from it...blah...blah...blah." (Telling me I am wrong for feeling jet lag SO MANY days after my return from Europe or wherever. Not wrong for feeling this way people. It is just that you are probably always tired. I am a person who is rarely tired. So, when I am tired it is usually for a reason which can be JETLAG or sickness.) I ALWAYS take 1 day for every hour difference in the time zone. So, this is day nine back, and I slept until I usually sleep (which is 4 am) and stayed up as late as I usually stay up the previous night. So, I have a TON of energy this morning. No sniffles. No cough. Lots of energy. I am a bunny this morning. YAY!

Note to self: DO NOT SCHEDULE things for at least five days after you return. It was crazy to have an out-of-town guest and start a contemplative cohort and meet 2-3 directees a day. GIVE YOURSELF SPACE, Carol, next time. But I loved having Bene here. It could not be helped. Maybe could have cut our time in Northern Ireland short to have space to recover (also would not have gotten COVID in the first place). Oh well, live and learn!

Today, I listened to Trevor Hudson's podcast that came out last Monday, and it was so spot on about two things 1) that often the spiritual formation movement can leave out mission. This is one of the reasons I did not connect with Renovare. In fact, one book that we read for the book club was SO OFF BASE when it came to mission [I will not mention the name of it or the author] that I almost threw the book across the room! So, I thank Trevor for having the humility to admit this. I loved what he said, "The world is God's first fiance. Where I am is to share God's love with the world." Good words. 2) that we need to be "shaping a life that has space for joy... we are a people who should be overwhelmed with joy...notice our resistance to joy."  AMEN again. I 100% agree. I am not saying to deny our emotions but to really notice if we think it is something we should not be characterized by. God gave me the name Carol (song of joy) for a reason.

Speaking of joy. I had a clean cancer check again eight years after Melanoma. Many don't know that I had it. But I had the beginning stages, and my friend, Abigail, caught it early on. So, as a celebration, I went for a walk in McDonald Forest/Peavy Arboretum. I love that place. I almost did not do it because it was foggy and cold, but it was above the fog. So, I had a glorious 45-minute walk among the fall leaves. They are down earlier this year due to the storm that came in over the weekend, but I got the glorious tail end of it. I did a little video about seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting nature. I will see if I can post it here.

Now is the time to leave after 15 minutes. 

Happy Friday! 

POST COVID FREEWRITE

I started this two days ago. So, I am starting over again. One of my directees and I were talking about the importance of writing for us, and I told her I did freewrites almost daily and that I used to post them on my blog a lot. It made me miss more regular freewrites. I do them more in my private journal now though.

So, I am one week out from our return to Corvallis from the Camino and Castlewellan. It will be at 2:35 today. My COVID symptoms are totally gone now, but George still has a lingering cough and also has no taste or smell. It is amazing how we all react to this virus differently.

So, for the last few days I have had a steady stream of directees. I was busy from Friday to Monday. Friday, I started a Contemplative Cohort with people from all over the world. I also met with one of my directees who is finishing up the Spiritual Exercises. After that meeting, I made a handout for my Contemplative Cohort. (You can view it on my Body and Soul Companion blog if you want to join in the "November is for Noticing God in All Things" practice.) Then I picked up my guest (childhood and college friend) for the weekend. Thankfully, she went out with my basketball buddies on Friday night because I was still in quarantine. Then I got up the next morning and fixed her breakfast because my sweet George was so sick. We had no groceries, but John and Katherine went shopping for us and delivered them to our door! I had to isolate myself from my guest until an hour before the banquet for the OSU Hall of Fame and Trailblazer inductees. This all left me pretty wiped out. It is enough to deal with jetlag but COVID for both of us made having a guest difficult. I took her to the shuttle at 4:45 am on Monday morning and crashed afterward. (Note to self - give yourself a buffer when you come back - I could see us not doing the Gathering and Castlewellan and going directly home after the Camino, but we did not know about the Hall of Fame banquet until after we had already booked these tickets, and I am glad we did it all because it was so lovely to meet all the 24-7/Order of the Mustard Seed people. I am also so glad to see my friend, and it would have been rude not to have her stay with us!) 

I canceled my two Monday directees and rescheduled them for Thursday. I also did not make it to Silent Prayer and had a total rest day. (Except I had to write a recommendation letter that was due and couldn't get to until coming back from overseas.) I was much more refreshed for the two directees I had on Tuesday and the one I had this morning because of the rest. 

Now I am waiting on hearing back from my partner, Dan, about meeting to discuss our small group and another woman who is RIGHT in my target group for spiritual directees! She contacted me, out of the blue, when we arrived in Santiago. I am waiting to set up a time for a meeting with her and am very excited about this relationship. 

The sun is shining brilliantly. So, when it gets a little warmer (32 degrees right now), we will go walk in the sunshine and enjoy the fall leaves!

I think my time is up for this freewrite. TTFN!

Camino to Castlewellan Freewrite

I have been journaling in a special book for the Camino to Castlewellan journey, and now I am back to my little cozy corner in the place I call "home"! I loved our journey of 17 days. I have been journaling a lot about it because I don't want to forget everything I learned.

I am bleary-eyed and forced myself back to sleep three times last night. I fell asleep at 7:30 pm. Then I woke up again at 9 pm, 11 pm, 2 am, etc. Then I finally allowed myself to get up at 5 am. I made it to the 2nd Prayer Watch of the Order of the Mustard Seed at 5:30 am. I loved it, and I will probably go to the 8:30 am Pacific Coast one too. I will probably go to Silent Prayer also. I want to get back into a regular schedule, and this is the way to do that.

Overall, the trip was fantastic. There was one night when I lost it, our first night in Santiago, but John and Katherine, and George were so kind to me. I have never lost it in front of them, and the emotions of returning to Santiago after 40 years and the perceived expectations with a group of that size were a little overwhelming for me. John said that he was convinced that there was enemy involvement in even trying to get there. I have to agree. I am so grateful for Aisha and John and Katherine and George who really picked up on things and prayed into them. I am glad I did not walk the Camino alone. I am glad that the people who asked to go on the trip did come because John and Katherine were more of our pace and positivity. I loved how encouraging they were. It was so good. I am so grateful they decided to come along for the ride. It was not the trip I dreamed of when I invited Elizabeth and Stacy and Eunice. I am glad we walked our own Camino. I am glad I am not alone. I am never alone with you Lord. Never alone. I learned about the importance of community on this trip. I learned the importance of choosing your companions wisely. I learned that the last time I was here, I was totally, unequivocally ALONE. Ron was so sweet to say that he had no idea the abuse I suffered, and he wished he would have known. I did feel utterly ALONE, but this time I was not alone. "We walked in love with the wind on our wings/Covered the earth with the songs we'd sing/the miles flew by." Thank you, God, for the miles flying by in every way. 

24-7 Gathering was overwhelming. I liked most of the talks. I was too exhausted to go to one of them, and that is when people tell you how much you "missed" by not going. Why do people do that? How do they know what I would have missed or not missed? I am different, and I have never been a BIG, MASSIVE group person. I like more intimate, smaller gatherings of people. The Castlewellan retreat was much better for me, but even then, George and I felt we wanted to get out and experience the beauty all around us and journal in silence and solitude. 

My timer never went off. So, this was longer than a fifteen-minute freewrite. BYE!

Orthodoxy by Chesterton

I am really looking forward to Justine unpacking this book for me in the Renovare Book Club (highly recommend it - they have great resources to help you understand) because I was not that into it. It is my first read-through as I prepare for the book club. We won't start reading it with Justine until January, and I am hoping it sinks more deeply because it has always been on my bucket list of reading! 

I do like the message. It is just theology and logic that I don't need to follow God. I know my theology because of my studies, but I am into ENCOUNTER rather than more INSIGHT. :) 

Stay tuned! 

Soul Journey

I went to a workshop on this book with the author and loved it. I journaled quite a bit, and she was lovely (except she mentioned the Creation story as not really being real which I disagree with, but it did not affect how I felt about her). I read the book in preparation for this wonderful journey I am going on. I really believe the Camino will be a "soul journey" for me, and this was perfect!

Buen Camino! 

The Way is Made by Walking

 

This is one man's account of him walking the entire Camino de Santiago (French Way). It is a dear book (some parts more interesting than others as it really took me a while to get into the rhythm of his writing), and I loved reading it in preparation for my journey of just 71 miles of it. 

There are many quotes that I would love to include here. Maybe someday when I have more time. 

I want to post the journaling when you get back for people

From p. 190:

* What message or themes did God give you on this journey?

• What do you want to remember well from this pilgrimage?
* What was the best aspect of this time? What was the hardest?
• How did this experience change or affect your understanding of God? Your relationship with God?
• How would you like this experience to affect your life? Or your relationship with God?
* What do you need to have the pilgrimage continue to bear fruit?
 
You can do a number of things with such questions and issues:

• Journal about them.
• Find other ways to remember your journey: create a photo album or scrapbook, report on the Camino to your small group or Sunday school class, write an article for the local paper or a denominational
magazine.
• Pray about what you learned
* Talk about these matters with significant others (family, spiritual friends, spiritual mentors or directors, small group).
• Testify to fellow believers about what God has done with you on this pilgrimage.
• Find ways to be accountable for what you heard from God on this venture.
* Put keepsakes or mementos, stones or shells, art or icons, in places of prominence in your home or workplace to help you remember.

One Camino anthropologist believes that we do not do well at integrating pilgrimage learning into daily life as most "have no ritual of reintegration into the society we live in" Invite your friends or small group to join you in a time of worship. Share what God did through your pilgrimage and ask for prayers and support in living out the challenges ahead. 

Even the Sparrow

This is my second read-through, and I spent more time focusing on the activities at the end of each of the chapters. They are really good. I made a little journal out of the activities. 

Jill is such a talented and wonderful leader. I think people will learn so much from this memoir!

Tuesday Freewrite Fifteen Minutes

I think I will journal an Examen here for my freewrite. This will be an Examen from yesterday morning to right now (5:34 am). 

Big Breath: I ask you God to be with me. Relaxing.

Two or three things I am grateful for:

1. Elaine in Silent Prayer - her enthusiasm about meeting me
2. A mile walk up and down a hill without any pain
3. Claire, Elizabeth, Kat, and Katarina - stellar people to lead through the OMS Year of Preparation. 

Notice where God has been - where I accepted God invitation to loving, grateful and myself and where did I turn away from it. 

Morning - Good. I slept later than usual. I think I got eight hours, but later for me is about 4:45 or so? Meditation in the Psalms. Lectio365 was about Jesus being the bread of life, and how the SIGN STATEMENTS revealed something important about His identity and mission. Since I have been working with people on identity and the Cycle of Grace, it was so thrilling for me to have this be what we are doing this week in Lectio365! 

This leads to how we are to be a sign. I wrote in my journal "What sign then will you give?" But I cannot find that phrase in the devotional. I must have added it myself. 

Then I had an Examen time from my wonderful, restful Sunday.

Psalm 61: Loved the whole thing.

Then I prepared a Visio Divina for my last OMS Cohort. It was fun to create a PowerPoint, and I will put other pictures in there with it in the future. 

LATER MORNING

I led the last Order of the Mustard Seed Year of Preparation Cohort. 

For me, the Visio Divina was entitled "Breakthrough to Freedom" Making a hole for others to climb through. I need not be afraid of bloody hands in the process. Here is the picture.

We had a blessing time at the end, and it was lovely. I was so proud of Katarina who had never done something like that before, and her blessings were so beautiful. Claire had also prepared some wonderful ones based on Scriptures God had given, and the rest of us were more prophetic in nature. I had a general blessing for all. 

All in all, it was a lovely way to end the whole 10 months. I am so happy I led this group.

Mid Morning - I prepared to lead the Silent Prayer time and figured out how to get into the Zoom room.

NOON - Three other people joined me for Silent Prayer. I did a devotional with a Breath Prayer of Psalm 46:10. It was lovely and went really well.

AFTERNOON - I did thorough stretching and walked a mile around the block with no pain. YAY! I came back and rolled and watched the news.

EVENING - I watched a mindless show and fell asleep really early (again)! My evenings are where I feel like I want a practice of Presence. I think a short silent prayer time and Examen. I am so out of it by that time! Reading is difficult too. I love it when people are over, but I don't do well with spiritual direction on Zoom at that time!

My eating was great today! My exercise was great! YAY!

Where I turned away: I regret giving George a hard time about paying expedited shipping on something that would have gotten there in plenty of time. I apologized right after! Thank you for Your forgiveness and a very understanding husband! This is a foretaste of me being mindful of not worrying about spending on our Spain trip! I know people will try to nickel and dime us (especially the local airlines), and I need to "let it go!" 

What was especially meaningful? I think that my OMS Cohort was so especially meaningful, Lord. So amazingly meaningful in every way. I really grew to love them, and this is just what small groups do. 

This was my final blessing for them:

My prayer for you

May the Father of Life pour out His grace on you; 

may you feel His hand in everything you do 

and be strengthened by the things He brings you through: 

this is my prayer for you.

May the Son of God be Lord in all your ways; 

may He shepherd you the length of all your days, 

and in your heart may He receive the praise: 

this is my prayer for you.

And despite how simple it may sound, 

I pray that His grace will abound 

and motivate everything you do; 

and may the fullness of His love be shared through you.

May His Spirit comfort you, and make you strong,

may He discipline you gently when you’re wrong, 

and in your heart may He give you a song: 

this is my prayer for you.

May Jesus be Lord in all your ways, 

may He shepherd you the length of all your days, 

and in your heart may He receive the praise: 

this is my prayer for you, my prayer for you.

The Well Update: The Well-Tuned Body

See below to find out about these pictures!

I didn't expect this all to go on for so long, but this has been a good exercise for me to go through each component of the Well Update more thoroughly.

Well-Tuned Body

I have been building up from 1 mile on May 3rd with my Fitness walking class to a 15-mile day on September 16th in preparation for the Camino de Santiago from Sarria. I was fine until nine days ago when I started having pain while going downhill in Peavy Arboretum on September 22nd. I had it again after 3 miles on the flat on September 23. I went straight to the doctor on Monday morning and was so glad I did because the IT band was rubbing over the knee, and it had swollen. It is the repetitive motion that did it (coupled by having one leg shorter than the other, tight hips and legs, going on uneven surfaces in places like the arboreteum, etc.). So, I have a plan (already put that in a previous post).

What was so discouraging though was getting on the doctor's scale and discovering I had not lost as much weight as I thought. I have followed my Weight Watchers plan FAITHFULLY since July 27th. I was not weighing because I wanted to do it by "feel," and I discovered my capacity for self-deception is great! I have come to the conclusion that WW is more for people who do not eat very healthy and have a lot of weight to lose, and the "points" reward you for eating healthy things, but I already eat healthy things, and not counting any points for fruit means I don't lose. I LOVE FRUIT more than candy or even ice cream! Fruit is ZERO points. So, I ate a lot of fruit, and now that I am back on LoseIt (free or $20 a year for tons of cool features, but I have mostly used the free version since 2/2010), those fruits were adding a LOT of calories to my day. I had a lot of self-condemnation (even looking at myself in the mirror and scolding myself - yikes), and I was angry that I missed 9 weeks of losing because I was deceiving myself by not weighing. I am tall, and the weight on me just distributes itself. It is just hard to tell when I am losing, but I noticed my rings were not getting looser on my hand, and that usually happens when I lose weight. 

I am technically not overweight in the first place but at the top of my ideal weight range, but I always feel so much better in the middle of the range. 

I am comparing WW and LoseIt this week, and on their plan, I am eating between 10-14 points while I am following a calorie method in LoseIt. WW gives me 23 points a day plus adds points for all the exercise, and I exercise a LOT. I never used all my bonus points each week, and I was still NOT losing! (Maybe I lost about 5 pounds in 8 weeks? I am not sure because I was deceiving myself by not weighing.) I like WW because it is quicker to log, but I would rather take a little extra time weighing and measuring and losing weight than not losing without weighing and measuring. It has gone much better with LoseIt! I am 10 lbs. behind my goal and wasted time and money, but the self-condemnation is over now. It was a growing experience for me. 

About the exercise. I was walking so much. I burn100 calories per mile. I was doing Pilates pretty consistently for the last month, but this new program of stretching and strengthening that the doctor and Jennifer, my adorable physical therapist, have for me take an HOUR to complete! I realize that I was not stretching enough before I went for my walks, and my glute strength had decreased since I was not teaching four classes a week. I need a balance between bodywork and calorie burn. I have done the exercises for six days now, and I can already feel a difference. I am resting from walking for ten days, and I enjoy it. The weather has been beautiful for the last two days, but I am sticking to the instructions.

Speaking of sticking to the instructions, I was given a cream to apply to the swelling in my knee, and after four days of doing this, my knee got all these welts on it and inflamed red. I called the doctor on Saturday night and got a nice nurse who asked me lots of questions and told me I am OK and was an allergic reaction. I think I did not wait long enough to go in the shower after I put it on. The heat from the shower apparently makes it stronger. I am going to discontinue it totally because that was scary! My swelling has also gone down, and I will keep icing it until I see Jennifer on Wednesday.

My back is doing great! I am grateful. The tight IT band is no doubt related to the chain or my left side with tight hips that influence my back on the left side also. So, the exercises help my back also.  I feel really good other than the knee.

I have to say that I have loved the rest. Jennifer says I should have been tapering anyway. So, I will just do shorter walks from now on.

Rest and pause. When I did my Corrective Exercise Specialist certification, they made a big deal about an hour of total rest every day, and I am doing that in silent/centering prayer. I think this is important for my body and my soul to have complete inner stillness (of the body), inner silence (of the mind), and inner solitude (of the heart alone with God)! See my article on this on my website: 

Contemplative Rest in a Busy World

I think I am prepared in heart, soul, mind, and strength for the Camino. I am praying God protects and guides all nine of us as we go on this dream adventure. 

The Well Update - The Well-Educated Mind

 

I have not delved this deep into a Well Update in YEARS! I think it is because I am tapering off on my spiritual direction appointments and have tapered off (and stopped until next Wednesday) on my walking. I only had about seven hours of direction both individual and group. (It was supposed to be nine, but I had one who didn't show up (twice) and a cancellation due to internet issues.) And I am devoting about an hour to concentrated stretching and strengthening with a bit of Pilates. I should be swimming, but I am not too worried about my cardio on the Camino. That is good (but I digress and appropriate for the "Well-Tuned Body" portion of this Well update! LOL!)

The Well-Educated Mind

I didn't even want to do this part of the update because I have not been working through the book pictured above. I am #9 out of 2,126 people on the List Challenge for this book. (#1 is probably not true because there is NO WAY a person would have read every single book on that list - unless the author is on the list challenge, but this "Guest" has done it on all the reading lists. Very suspicious, but I digress once again.) When George saw me eyeing this book while at the library, he said, "There she goes again." I love a challenge. If you are new to my blog, from 2002-2013, I read 287 classics. So I thought my "lists" were done until this book. I am reading books I have never even heard of, and most of the time, I have really liked them! (Some have been duds but not many.)

But alas, I have had other things going on. Since I picked up this list, I have had reading for certifications in Spiritual Direction, the Enneagram, NASM Personal Training with Women's Fitness, Weight Loss, Corrective Exercise Specializations (NASM-CPT, CES, WFS, WLS), and Mental Health Coaching. I read nine books for the Order of the Mustard Seed too. I am also reading four Renovare Book Club books every year. So, I sprinkle these in between, and I will be very old if I finish this list! LOL!

All that to say is that I LOVE to learn. I am thirsty for learning. I cannot help myself. I love to learn and then apply. Rinse. Repeat. 

Lately, I have been reading books about the Camino de Santiago (The Way is Made by Walking) and the inward soul journey (Soul Journey). 

I also read at least 52 books a year. I'm at 41. The last from the 1000 Books List I read was Instead of a Letter. The ones I read for spiritual enrichment are so much more edifying, but when I read from the 1000 Books List. I learn compassion for people. I won't stop this new challenge, even though sometimes they are a bit edgy for me! I won't obsess over it. My "BHAG" (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) was the 287 books nine years ago. This is just icing and more LEARNING! 

I am loving my reading journey with more spiritual books this year. (Renovare Book Club has some wonderful ones this year, and I have the possibility of nine people in our group!)

I am also taking another certification course in EMDR because I am fascinated by it. 

I am also learning so much as I prepare PowerPoints for each of the Enneagram types and then teach them to my directees! I go deeper, and I understand people and myself so much better. That is another kind of "education"!

I am also learning about IT bands! But that will be my next installment of The Well Update! 

TTFN.

The Well Update - The Well-Watered Soul

The Well Update Continued

Well-Watered Soul

This is one area I can say is great! I have such beautiful rhythms built into my life these days. 

I water my soul in the mornings through Lectio Divina in the Psalms and just praying through them and journaling about what phrases hit me. I decided to go through them in The Passion Translation, and that has been really delightful for me. 

Then I have been doing my rolling and stretching while I listen to Pray as You Go and/or Lectio365. I have a whole group of exercises that the doctor gave me on Monday and some more that Jennifer, PT gave me on Wednesday, so I have loved doing this rolling and stretching more meditatively.

 (Sometimes that leads me to a routine of Pilates right afterward or a long training walk for the Camino where I often intercede for those he lays on my heart - since I am not able to walk right now, it is more Pilates and core work.) 

Then it is spiritual direction sessions either with individuals or in small groups (which I find watering to my soul). I love preparing for these. 

I also work on curriculum development for different things. They are all related to spiritual direction and Enneagram with Ignatian spirituality. Even though I am "working," these are always nourishing for my soul too!

I take a midday break for Silent Prayer with either the nuns in East Mosely outside of London or with Jo and the OMS/Seed Community on Mondays and Wednesdays. Sometimes I lead these too. 

Afternoons vary considerably. I am having more and more sessions with directees in the afternoon (at some point, I need to limit the number, but people leave, and others come to fill their spots, so it works out to be about 2-3 sessions a day Monday-Thursday with a maximum of 1 on Fridays (and sometimes none like today, woohoo!)

I do tend to crash by about 3 pm (because I get up so early) and usually read or watch the news or a show I have recorded from the night before. I am currently enjoying Survivor and the Amazing Race! 

Evenings vary too. Sunday evenings are often with our Seed Community group. We also have people over for dinner, and I need to get back to doing that more often since George is home now and COVID is over! I also watch something. George and I are having "inside dates" and watching an Anthony Trollope period piece right now. I am not excessive though. I feel like the minute it dries my soul up and becomes desolating, I turn it off and have some evening prayer

I want to water my soul more right before bed, but I always fall asleep during the night Examen. So, I mostly pray through the Examen in the mornings and sometimes midday with the OMS!

Another thing for me to water my soul has been more "Welcoming Prayer" It is Silent/Centering Prayer in the midst of a life. It also overlaps with STOP from the Spiritual Rhythms for the Enneagram by Loughrige and Calhoun. I am a Motions of the Soul Enneagram Educator and Practitioner, and I really love this practice:

• SEE – Stop and ask God to give you the eyes to see from His perspective 
• TRIGGERS – Where did I leave my true self behind?
• OPEN – to HEAD, HEART & GUT HARMONY/IDENTITY NAME [1]
• Whom does God say that I am? What is my “true self” identity? 
• PRESENCE – Intentionally Live into God’s Presence

Not only does it parallel Welcoming Prayer, but it also goes along with the Immunity to Change and One Big Thing concept in the 2 HC. Each personality type has different questions to ask yourself within each category. 

I have loved the inner work God has been doing in me through it!

• [1] This is added to the original STOP material and comes from the book Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God by Jamie Winship. 

The Well Update - The Well-Adjusted Heart

I have not done a freewrite for a while now, and so much has happened.

State of the Well Report (I used to do these all the time, but it has been years)

Heart 

Hmm. How is my heart? My blog heading says, "One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart." Hmm. How is it? Let me feel the feelings. In the last day, I had my heart moved by a directee who learned about her strong instinctual variant toward the social, and she was so enthusiastic to learn all about it and wanted to gather spiritual directors to have me do a training on it (like I do for the Bollers 2-3 times a year for their spiritual directors in training). I was just excited to have her grasp the material and be so enthusiastic about it. She is such a sweetheart, and that warms my heart.

My heart hurt because of the interaction with the person organizing our trip on the Camino. I think she is 1) new, 2) not totally fluent in English, and 3) not the best communicator. But the good news: I did not go into any sort of anger mode with her, and I calmly dealt with her for the last nine days. So, I am sad that she did not lay out all our options right away because it ended up costing more money in the long run, and that was a little disappointing. But I think God is telling me to let go of it and just move on. I think she feels bad about it, and I don't think she understands how poorly she communicated through the whole thing. Not sure I would recommend this company to handle our logistics again too.

I feel a bit afraid: 1) my knee will not be ready to go 71 miles for 5 days in 20 days. My PT thinks it will be great, and the swelling has gone down, and I am thankful this did not happen WHILE I was walking on the Camino. So I am glad that my training brought this out 4 weeks before instead of in the middle of walking. I had already peaked with my training and was going to taper anyway. So I am thankful and afraid at the same time. 

2) That I will be overwhelmed with the number of people going. I have already decided that I cannot focus on that many people so have to be selective. It is the fault of the Type Two to think I have to be involved with everyone, and that is not possible with that many people. So I am focusing, and I know that we will have Elizabeth to spend time with afterward when we go to Belfast. 

3) That airlines will charge us extra for baggage even though I reserved airlines that said we could bring a carry-on. So that is somewhat disconcerting for me. I know they contract out and things get lost in the translation (and refunds don't happen - as Delta Airlines has recently proven.)

So that last one I realize I am still ANGRY at Delta for the way we were handled in April. 

I feel joyful about going on the Camino though, and I have loved the inward journey journaling that I have done. It will be a good trip. I know it.

I feel peaceful when I think about the spiritual journey I am on.

I feel uncertain about whether I should say yes to a small group of leaders in my church. I think I am a perfect fit to lead it, but do I have the capacity even if I postpone it until January?

There is a lot of emotion there. I will say that overall, the things I am leading, both in individual spiritual direction and in the small groups I facilitate (Silent Prayer, OMS, Renovare, 2HC), are all bringing me much joy. But can I add another one to the mix? OMS will stop, and I will replace that with the Deepen III, but can I do the leaders from my group. 

I have prayed for all of this for years. Now the fires are set, and there is a glorious blaze developing that does not seem to be blowing out. The vision you gave me is coming true! So that excites me and scares me all in the same breath!

Here is the picture you gave me of that:

Well, that was 20 minutes. So I will do another freewrite tomorrow about my other things: 

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well" (The Little Prince by de Saint-Exupéry). One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart, well-watered soul, well-educated mind, and well-tuned body. "Love the Lord your God with all your HEART, and with all your SOUL, and with all your MIND, and with all your STRENGTH" (Mark 12:30-31).

The Road to Santiago: Inner Preparation Questions

INNER PREPARATION FOR THE CAMINO [1]

A majority of those setting out on the Camino de Santiago give a religious or spiritual reason for going, yet few appear to undertake any conscious inner preparation for the journey. It is so easy to allow the demands of our life to rob us of time for such preparation. We take our tired bodies and neglected souls and dump them at the start of the Camino and trust that all will be well. And, of course, all will be well and our physical and spiritual muscles will become rejuvenated – it’s just that warm-up exercises can speed our rate of recovery and maximize the benefits. A pilgrim travels on two paths simultaneously and must pay attention to both. When we place ourselves on the pilgrim path we sow the intention to stretch and expand soul consciousness so that we can lift ourselves out of the mundane in order to journey back to God…the Source from whence we came.

• ·        Why are you doing the Camino?
• ·        How do you differentiate pilgrimage from a long-distance walk?
• ·        How do you define spirituality – what does it mean to you?
• ·        How is your spirituality expressed at home and work?
• ·        What do you see as the primary purpose of your life?
• ·        Are you working consciously towards fulfilling that purpose?
• ·        How clear are you on your goal and the right direction for you at this time?
• ·        How will you recognize resistance to any changes that might be necessary?
• ·        When did you first become aware of a desire to take a time-out?
• ·        What prompted you originally to go on the Camino?
• ·        Did the prompt come from something that you felt needed changing?
• ·        Make a list of what appears to be blocking any change from happening.
• ·        What help might you need on a practical, emotional, and spiritual level?
• ·        How will you recognize the right help or correct answer?
• ·        What are the joys and challenges in working towards your unique potential?
• ·        What are your next steps towards fulfilling that potential?

How aware are you of the following? Score yourself on a level of 1-10 and compare these scores again on your return from the Camino.

• ·        Awareness of your inner spiritual world
• ·        Clarity on what inspires you and the capacity to live your passion
• ·        Confidence to follow your intuitive sense of the right direction
• ·        Ability to recognize your resistance and patterns of defense
• ·        Ease with asking for and receiving support from others

---

[1] A Pilgrim’s Guide to the Camino de Santiago: A Practical & Mystical Manual for the Modern Day Pilgrim by Jon Brierley, p. 36, 38. (Text changed to American spelling.)

Noticing Examen Freewrite

Frank Concluding Kubb by
Knocking Down the King!

Deep breath - God be with me. I ask for your light to see my day through your eyes.

Two or three things I am grateful for:

• Finishing the Cycle of Grace recordings for Eric
• Recording one for me too!
• BBQ with George's colleagues with a walk by Cathi and Jerry's!

Where did you accept God's invitation to be loving, grateful, and be your true self! Where did you turn away from this? Where was God in your day?

Morning - 

A long and loving look at God meditating deeply in Psalm 27. Sabbath prayer with Lectio365. Meditation in Pray As You Go. Silent/Centering prayer with Mercy Center with Catherine coming back to lead. I noticed God in the easy of finishing up the Cycle of Grace, and how much joy it gave me. 

Middle of the Day

I kept working on the Cycle of Grace and went straight to recording. I missed my Corvallis Centering Prayer meeting, but I was "on a roll"! I recorded the first one for 11 minutes, the second for 22 (so much material to cover that is so foundational), and 11 minutes for the conclusion. 

Started my Challah bread while the recording was converting and so enjoyed it. 

Afternoon

Recorded one for myself that had more of my personality and details. It was an HOUR! LOL!

I figured I might as well record one for me since I had make-up on already. 

We played Kubb (a Swedish game - see photos above). I was hesitant at first, but I ended up enjoying it and might even buy a set!

Evening 

We took a walk after dinner. My back was starting to bother me, and I tried to get contact with George to switch seats. I didn't want it to go out by sitting so long at a chair with no back. Then they suggested the walk, and I was so happy. Then I was happier when I noticed we were right behind Cathi and Jerry's house, and I got to talk to Cathi! So fun.

I watch a bit of a movie by Diane Keaton (Baby Boom), but I started falling asleep.

Regrets

A little frustrated with George that he didn't notice my discomfort. He gets in "other people mode" and often doesn't check in with me. But I told him how often I was trying to get his attention. It was healthy. I just went and got a chair with a back from the dining room and fixed the issue. 

DEEP BREATH

One thing that was especially meaningful:

I think feeling the freedom to have a bit of my personality in the recordings and letting go of pleasing Eric. If it is not the way he wants it, I can record them after the Camino, but I don't want to crowd my head with anything between now and then. It was meaningful to review my breakdown. What a teacher that was. Thank you, Lord, for the breakdown. LOL! I really am so grateful for it because it is a story to tell others! 

Look forward to the day to come

Love on Manar and lead Silent Prayer. Talk with Debbie at Deepen.

I pray for the grace to see you in the next day.

(This is from listening to a Podcast by Father James Martin.)