Suicidal Empathy

I have heard this also termed "Toxic Empathy." This man's mind is amazing. I recommend it. He is rather harsh. So, I recommend reading it with Jamie Winship's book The War of Worldviews to explore the internal things going on in one's heart that causes divide in our society. Both contribute to the conversation. 

The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers

Here is a wonderful summary of this profound book.

I read this book in 2006 and 2016. I guess it is an "every ten years" kind of book! It is so profound and short. I am putting quotes from it before I send the spiritual directors I am training on a day of prayer during the summer between their first and second years. My heart is warmed from this book.

He really unpacks the meaning of Hesychasm - stillness, quiet, silence, rest.

Here is my previous review from 2016 (I don't think I was reviewing books here, but I was just listening the books I read during the year.).

I am cutting and pasting the quotes from the book that I have in that post below.

"In Solitude we become compassionate people, deeply aware of our solidarity in brokenness with all of humanity and ready to reach out to anyone in need."

“Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant ('turn stones into loaves'), to be spectacular ('throw yourself down'), and to be powerful ('I will give you all these kingdoms'). There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity ('You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone'). Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter - the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers 

“Secularity is a way of being dependent on the responses of our milieu. The secular or false self is the self which is fabricated, as Thomas Merton says, by social compulsions. 'Compulsive' is indeed the best adjective for the false self. It points to the need for ongoing and increasing affirmation. Who am I? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated or despised. Whether I am a pianist, a businessman or a minister, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. If being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. If having money is a sign of real freedom, then I must claim my money. If knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. The compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failure and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same - more work, more money, more friends.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers

"Silence first makes us pilgrims. Secondly silence guards the fire within. Thirdly, silence teaches us how to speak."

"Prayer, when we are faithful to it and practice it at regular times, slowly leads us to an experience of rest and opens us to God's active presence."

“Prayer is standing in the presence of God with the mind in the heart; that is, at that point of our being where there are no divisions or distinctions and where we are totally one. There God's Spirit dwells and there the great encounter takes place. There heart speaks to heart, because there we stand before the face of the Lord, all-seeing, with us.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers   

“For many of us prayer means nothing more than speaking with God. And since it usually seems to be a quite one-sided affair, prayer simply means talking to God. This idea is enough to create great frustrations. If I present a problem, I expect a solution; if I formulate a question, I expect an answer; if I ask for guidance, I expect a response. And when it seems, increasingly, that I am talking into the dark, it is not so strange that I soon begin to suspect that my dialogue with God is in fact a monologue. Then I may begin to ask myself: To whom am I really speaking, God or myself?”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: The Spirituality of the Desert Fathers and Mothers

"By their solitude, silence and unceasing prayer the Desert Fathers show us the way. These disciplines will teach us to stand firm, to speak words of salvation, and to approach the new millennium with hope, courage, and confidence.

"When we have been remodeled into living witnesses of Christ through solitude, silence, and prayer, we will no longer have to worry about whether we are saying the right thing or making the right gestures, because then Christ will make his presence known even when we are not aware of it."

Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy

This was a "God is sovereign" book. I was in the middle of writing a handout about lament, but I had to go to a dinner with friends, and one of the friends was reading this book about lament! It is one of the nicest things on lament I have read. It is a quick read. 

Where the Crawdads Sing

This is a slow-moving story at the beginning, but it picked up about 1/3 of the way through, and I ended up liking it.  

I remember reading a non-fiction book by this author called Secrets of the Savannah in 2019 for my book club and thought it was too flowery. I just wanted the facts of the incredible thing they did on the Savannah. When I found out she had written a novel, it made sense. She was trying to make her non-fiction work like a novel, and I hated it!

But I liked her fiction. It is a coming of age and murder mystery rolled into one. She does bring her science background (her bio said she always wanted to be an author, but she settled for science instead). 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Today, I will write on my blog and not my private journal. Combined with the other blog I lost but then I found again, I have been blogging for 22 years in October. There were only 24 posts on that blog (and I cannot remember how I lost it). 

So many memories of blogging. I had this blog, but I also had the blogs that were for Project365 - taking a picture a day for the whole year and posting the picture on the blog so that the other 32 people I did it with could also look at the picture you posted. Now, people would probably do it on Instagram, but there was fun in doing it on a blog because I could write something to go along with the picture. It was photojournalism. It was beauty too. I have asked my directees (especially when I was training to do it with children) many times, "Where did you see beauty in the last week?" Keeping my eyes open to the beauty around me was so enriching for me. I am so glad I did that. I did it for five years starting with 2007. That was the year my mom died. So it was also healthy to document that journey. 

I am deciding whether I will go to the Prayer Watch at 5:30 am. They do not offer much variety in the Watches. It is always a few minutes of introduction by the leader. Then they always break you up into rooms where there is discussion and you pray for yourself after you pray, then we all come back for the final prayer. There used to be so much variety. There isn't much contemplation like there used to be. Often, we would have prayerful meditation as a group in a passage. I don't even get asked to facilitate it anymore because I have said, "No" so many times. 

I feel like I should go just to keep in touch with people, but it isn't like it used to be. I asked about starting up Silent Prayer (or Centering Prayer) again, but they have not gotten back to me. Maybe I didn't get back to them, and maybe i just need to not lead anything because I am leading three and possibly four groups in the fall. Supervision for B, C, D; Direction Training for five, Exercises for four (plus an intern), and possibly a Director Development group with Renovare. I don't know. Maybe that is enough for now. 

With the Director Development, I would like to lead that monthly rather than every other month. I want to go deeper in the books, if that is possible. I will probably still go to the group that I have been in locally for 10 years, but I had told some of my directees that I want to offer that to directors that I am involved with. 

So, I think I have freewrote for fifteen now, and I need to decide about the Prayer Watch. I feel like I have so much to pray about. Maybe I will go to the next one at 8:30. That will work out much better with my schedule. Bye! 

The War of Worldviews: Choosing Connection in a Culture of Separation

Our culture is obsessed with safety and self. We are constantly assessing risks, prioritizing tasks, and categorizing people. We seek out security, efficiency, and comfort and avoid uncertainty, wasted time, and distress. We crave the known, the quantifiable, the safe. We resent people who interrupt us, challenge us, or need something from us.

"Listen, Hear, Obey, Shema!" Those are the last lines of this book. And it sort of sums up the book and how the world can change as a result. It is a God sized vision for the world. 

I am a "micro" person, and Jamie is both a "micro" and "macro" guy. His first book, Living Fearless, is for the individual and is a "micro" book, but it is the foundation for living a "macro" life out in the big world. 

This book is looking into this on a "macro" level in the world, but don't let it scare you. Jamie is brilliant, and I encourage you to read it. Some things may be over your head, but the stories are so engaging, even for a "micro" person!

Here is an interview with Jamie about the book:

Wednesday Freewrite

I have not done a freewrite on here in ages. So, I am setting my timer for 15 minutes and am typing away.

I journal every day. I call them "Morning Pages" aka The Artist's Way. I have to admit that I am not following all of Julia Cameron's advice because I have not had an "Artist's Date" for months. I have been creating though. So, I guess I can call that "art" in that I am writing curriculum for the Spiritual Direction training that I am starting in less than a month. It will be Thursday-Saturday, September 17-19th. WOOHOO.

I am very excited about this too. The group is so good. I was just trying to get through "finishing well" with the group I am been supervising/training this last year. I had deadlines for doing a final "Core Competency" Evaluation and then meeting with them all one-on-one. They have been a joy. They are new directors, but they will be great directors. I want them to feel freer to be the unique director that they are. I think one of them would benefit from more supervision. The other three are going to do great with supervision about every three months or so. Those three will continue to meet with me. I did not initiate that. It just happened. They all discerned that they would not do the third year offered by the organization I have been working for this last year. In that discussion, they asked if I would be willing to continue with them in supervision. Since three of them asked, I suggested that we gather all three of them, meet monthly, but only have one of the three present over a six-month period from January-June next year. They would get a supervision every three months, and there would be no meeting in the summer. Mine will be 6 months and $150. I think this will be good. I will also lead them in how to do "Peer Supervision." That way, they can go on and do it among themselves for free. 

I think B would be really good at that. Maybe I will ask B if she wants to intern as a supervisor with me. I could let her take the lead on supervision, and she could talk about how she transitioned from formal supervision to peer supervision. I would need to ask B if that would be OK with him though. We will see. 

All that said, I would also use my 10 supervision models for my supervisees. That would be important. 

Today, I will go to hear Trevor Hudson speak to the group. 

Parenthetically, I want to add that I love the group that I have been working for. It has been an honor. I think they are all sincere people, I do training and supervision differently, but that is OK to have different models of supervision. 

I think I will introduce that concept of having one book they read in the six months we are together. Maybe a book that is about spiritual direction or maybe a book about a specific subject in direction, like doing it with children, doing it using the Enneagram, or bringing cross-cultural spiritual direction into it. 

We will see. I am excited to develop this. 

I am also excited to lead a group through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius. I only have four and one intern, C, who did it with me back in 2020. I know two out of four of the people doing it pretty well, and then I have two that come highly recommended by the sister-in-law of a person I did it with and the wife of a fellow supervisor. It should be really great. 

Oh this is fun to do a free write here. I should go back to doing more of them. I just have to not mention names, but this is similar to what I do over at Morning Pages. I don't know why I wanted to do it here today.

Oh, the picture above is from a meditation I did in Psalm 23 this morning. This is a page from a poetry book I read to the R girls when I was a nanny in Spain 44 years ago! 

I think it is going to go off any second. Oh, I have a new oven and microwave. My husband is so great to do that for me. 

Ok, 20 more seconds. I have just Trevor's talk and writing curriculum today and Pilates and a walk. Bye! 

Theo of Golden

There are no words that could express how much I loved this book. I read one of the reviews by a friend. She gave it such a harsh review calling is "saccharine"! I was so shocked. 

Then I asked one of my best friends. She didn't like it either! WOW! She said everything was too "tied up in a bow." So that is fair. She is also a very logical thinker on the Myers-Briggs, and I am a sap. So there you go. 

All that said, I LOVED it. I brought it to the Spiritual Directors I am supervising this year, and one of them had just read it and thought it would be so good for spiritual directors to read it. It is about hearing a person's story and really "seeing" the other. I think that is so true.

I don't want to ruin the plot. But I highly recommend it (even though two of my friends do not - LOL!). 

A friend told me about this Oprah interview with the author. It is excellent. 

In the interview, they interview three people (a country singer, a musician, and another person - I cannot remember what she does, and I don't remember any of their names) who loved the book too. Here are some of their favorite quotes that I took a screenshot of during the interview.

Mr. Midshipman Hornblower

My husband and I watched this series years ago, and he has read all the books. We own all of them and the series, but I have never read them. He is rereading (retirement has upped his reading), and I thought I would join along (like he did when he saw that my son and I were both rereading Narnia).

It is a swashbuckler with many action scene of ware described. My husband says that the later books get into more dialogue. I will still rewatch the series with my husband (I gave it to him for a Christmas long ago), but I think this first book in the series will be my last. I just didn't get into the battle scenes. 

Communion: Finding My Way Back to Faith

I read Hillbilly Elegy two years ago, and this was a continuation of his story from atheism to Catholicism. I found it very compelling. He is very pro-family. I loved that. He has some very compelling arguments. He got a bit political about 3/4ths of the way through the book, but then he got back to faith toward the end, and I would recommend this book. I am not catholic, but I practice so much that the catholic church has practiced for a very long time that seemed to get lost in the Reformation and Evangelicalism. I love that. 

With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God

I am doing a simple book review because for some reason, Google has given a "warning" for my last two posts on this book, and I still cannot figure out why. Many years ago, they said my BIBLE BOOK CLUB once had offensive content, and I never knew what they were talking about then either. 

With is a simple book. It talks about how most followers of Jesus have four different "postures" toward God:

1. Life Under God - Obey rules to control outcomes (Think the cult of the Duggar family)
2. Life Over God - Rely on divine principes rather than relationship
3. Life From God - supplier of spiritual goods
4. Life for God - Pursuers of mission, achievement, or purpose for God, often leading to burnout when identity is tied to usefulness. (This is the camp I deal with a lot in spiritual direction.)

The posture God longs for is a relationship WITH Him. Amen. The enemy has really messed with people's minds because this should be really obvious, but it is not for most people. So sad. 

That is all I will write for this. For a more extensive review, please just read my other post that has the "Warning" on it. It goes into more detail, but I am so afraid even this one is going to get a warning on it too. This is so silly. 

With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God (Ignore Sensitive Content Warning!)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

7 Days with Teilhard de Chardin

This is my second time through. Loved it again.  

Previous Review is HERE.

"Lord, lock me up in the deepest depths of your heart; and then, holding me there, burn me, purify me, set me on fire, sublimate me, until I become utterly what you would have me be, through the utter annihilation of my ego." 

Not the annihilation of myself, but that protective walled-off ego that keeps me from my true self.  

Amen!  

Holy Disruptor: Shattering the Shiny Facade by Getting Louder with the Truth

I never watched this show, but I have had directees who were related to the IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles) and had terrible experiences. I found her memoir compelling. I had read her cousin Jill's too. I believe that IBLP is a cult. It is not the way of Jesus. 

 The part where she confronts her cousin Josh about molesting four of his sisters and a babysitter, and the sick smile on his face. That says it all. 

You GO Amy!

Heart Speak: A Visual Interpretation of Let Your Life Speak

This book was recommended to me in late 2024, but I finally got around to reading it in 2026.

I love Parker Palmer's Let Your Life Speak, and this book captures all the essential points in the book. 

I highly recommend it. One of my spiritual direction trainers gives it to high school students as a graduation gift. Great idea! 

Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness

I have such mixed feelings about this book. I have spent many summers in the Psalms. I thought I would try this version that my first spiritual director, Sister Joan, would use to open our sessions. I have often used Psalm 23 in my sessions with people. It has opened such wonderful conversations with my directees.

But, some of the Psalms are so off base. So far removed from what the psalm is actually saying. It is as if she had a bee in her bonnet about some issue, and she wanted to put it into the psalm.

Also, she had trouble saying that God is KING. She would use another word that really did not deliver what the psalmist was saying. 

What is wrong with saying God is KING? 

Yet, there are some paraphrased parts that are absolutely beautiful. 

I don't think I can recommend this book, but I am glad that I went through the whole thing to know this. 

The Guy You Loved to Hate

I never watched this guy on the show that made him famous (the name of that show escapes me right now), but I was intrigued as I saw him interviewed on a podcast when he was running for mayor of Los Angelas. I grew up 13 miles south of where he grew up. So, I was interested in his life story. I found it fascinating! 

You Better Believe I'm Gonna Talk About It

This was interesting for me. I remember her from Dancing with the Stars from many years ago. I had never heard of her, and I remember her sort of rubbing me the wrong way. She has her truth. She sticks to it even though it can be pretty misguided being that she lives in the Hollywood bubble. I found it entertaining. 

The Last Battle

Copilot comes to the rescue again. I will say that I was so much more attuned to what was happening in the Narnia books spiritually this time, but I didn't jot all of them down. I am relying on Copilot. It knows I am a spiritual director. So, it tailors the answers to that. 

Here are the most spiritually rich, direction-ready quotes from The Last Battle, drawn from authoritative sources and curated for contemplative use. These are the passages that speak most deeply to themes of homecoming, courage, discernment, longing, and the nature of true reality.

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🌿 Homecoming, Heaven, and the “Real Country”

• “I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here… Come further up, come further in!”
  A jubilant declaration of ultimate belonging and spiritual arrival. [^1]
  Why it matters: Ideal for exploring desire, eschatological hope, and the soul’s orientation toward its true home.

• “All their life in this world… had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story… which goes on forever… and every chapter is better than the one before.”
  A vision of eternity as unfolding intimacy and joy. [^1]
  Why it matters: Helps directees reframe endings, grief, and transition as thresholds into deeper reality.

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🦁 Trust, Courage, and Divine Holding

• “But courage, child: we are all between the paws of the true Aslan.”
  A tender assurance of divine protection and presence. [^1]
  Why it matters: Beautiful for sessions involving fear, uncertainty, or surrender.

• “The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.”
  A metaphor for death as awakening. [^1]
  Why it matters: Supports conversations about mortality, hope, and spiritual awakening.

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🔥 Discernment, Deception, and Inner Freedom

• “They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their minds… so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out.”
  A piercing insight into self-made spiritual prisons. [^1]
  Why it matters: Useful for exploring resistance, mistrust, and the ways fear constricts spiritual openness.

• “He is not a tame lion.”
  A reminder of divine wildness and sovereignty. [^2]
  Why it matters: Helps directees examine expectations of God, control, and the mystery of divine action.

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🌱 Seeking, Desire, and the Nature of True Devotion

• “Beloved… unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.”
  Emeth’s encounter with Aslan. [^1]
  Why it matters: A profound text for exploring desire, vocation, and the sincerity of the seeker’s heart.

• “My happiness is so great that it even weakens me like a wound… that he called me Beloved.”
  Emeth’s astonishment at divine acceptance. [^1]
  Why it matters: Supports conversations about grace, identity, and being seen by God.

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🧭 Justice, Surrender, and Holy Fear

• “How should we know what he would do? We, who are murderers… Do you think I care if Aslan dooms me to death? That would be nothing… Would it not be better to be dead than to have this horrible fear that Aslan has come and is not like the Aslan we have believed in?”
  Tirian’s anguished honesty. [^3]
  Why it matters: A raw text for exploring guilt, repentance, and the fear of divine abandonment.

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✨ If you’d like next

I can shape these into a printable reflection sheet, curate quotes by spiritual theme (grief, hope, discernment, calling), or create guided journaling prompts for use with directees.

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References (3)

[^1]: The Last Battle Quotes by C.S. Lewis. https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1059917-the-last-battle

[^2]: Best Quotes Of The Last Battle With Page Numbers By C.S. Lewis. https://www.bookey.app/book/the-last-battle/quote

[^3]: Last Battle Quotes (4 quotes). https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/last-battle

P.S. I found this interesting that one of my Facebook friends posted an opinion piece on Susan's fate. 

Jeremy Rios

July 23 at 6:15 PM ·

70 years ago, in 1956, C.S. Lewis published “The Last Battle,” the final children’s novel set in his fictional world of Narnia. One element from that book has troubled readers ever since: Susan.

If you don’t know, Susan is one of the four Pevensie children, who first enter Narnia through a magical wardrobe in a country estate where they are temporarily housed to escape the dangers of the Blitz. Susan is the oldest daughter and the second oldest child in the family. She returns to Narnia in the second book, “Prince Caspian,” and features as a character in the fifth book (set in the past) called “The Horse and His Boy.”

But, in the final instalment, when nearly every character returns to a renewed Narnia during and after what will be Narnia’s last battle, Susan is notably absent. When asked where she is, the children reply that Susan “is no longer a friend of Narnia.” And we learn that not only does she now dismiss their stories as fabulous fantasies, she has become more and more interested in things like “nylons and lipstick.” In other words, Susan has chosen the world, and that choice has left her outside of Narnia at the end. It is quite a stark warning, especially within the context of a children’s story.

Readers, however, were and are bothered. A frustrated Neil Gaiman wrote a book about Susan’s perspective. J.K. Rowling took issue with what she perceived as the implicit sexism of Lewis’s comments on Susan—as if the problem was Susan’s discovery of sexuality. Others, like Francis Spufford, inclined to fan-fiction, attempting various corrective re-writes to “fix” the problem by including Susan and remedying Lewis’s perceived mistakes.

I don’t think Lewis made a mistake. Moreover, I think that people’s unwillingness to address the hard news of Susan say a lot more about them than it does about Susan.

Let’s explore this. Taken on its own, the closing narrative of Susan’s self-distancing from Narnia may feel like a throwaway. In other words, it can seem as if Lewis wanted to teach a lesson, picked on the girl, and then picked the most easy way to get the girl out of both the world of imagination and—with it—of salvation. So he picks sex, makes Susan boy-crazy, and, in a flash, she’s a Narnia-apostate. This reading is odd, because to make it work we have to imagine that Lewis, were he writing today, would be an advocate for what is sometimes called “purity culture.” But Lewis doesn’t think sex is bad. Far from it, the sixth novel in the Narnia series “The Magician’s Nephew,” is anchored on romantic love and its corruption.

“Wait a minute,” I hear you say, “How can ‘The Magician’s Nephew’ be about romantic love?” This will take a moment, but it’s worth recounting. One of the things we know now (thanks especially to the groundbreaking scholarship of Michael Ward in his book “Planet Narnia”) is that Lewis orchestrated and designed the seven Narnia books around the seven medieval planets. The clearest example, in case this is news to you, is found in “The Voyage of the ‘Dawn Treader’” which is the Narnia book designed around Sol, the sun (which was, in medieval thinking, a planet). The whole journey takes place as the ship moves toward the sun, images of gold are replete throughout the book, and several dragons are killed (or un-dragoned) throughout the book—and this is because Apollo, god of the sun, is regarded as a dragon-slayer.

Each book has an underlying theme like this, and, when we come to “The Magician’s Nephew,” the governing planet is Venus, planet and goddess of love. Lewis shows in the novel a contrast between a figure he calls “Venus Infernal”—Jadis, Queen of Charn, is referred to as a “Dem Fine Woman”—and a Venus Eternal, the right love of Digory for his mother, the creative love of Aslan, and a love that, in the plot, is uniquely manifest by not eating fruit without permission. Important as a theme throughout all of Lewis’s work is an affirmation of the goodness of everything God has made. Therefore, Lewis doesn’t hate sex, but he is keenly aware of how our physical desires can lead us astray.

Why do I go through all of this? Because it is highly unlikely that Lewis’s treatment of Susan at the end is an afterthought. If Lewis orchestrated his books this carefully, we should presume that he employed a similar measure of care in how he describes the end of one of his significant characters. Lewis is not dismissing Susan in a casual way because of “sex.” When we start to look at Susan in this more robust way, a few things emerge.

First, of all the children who travel through Narnia, Susan is the only one who does not have a significant personal encounter with Aslan. Recall the events with me: Edmund is going to lose his life, and Aslan gives his own life for Edmund. Afterwards, they have a conversation—that no one hears—and from that point Edmund is transformed. Lucy, most sensitive of the Pevensie children, is almost always first to see him, hear him, and respond to him. Peter, in his enthronement must exercise leadership—he is Aslan’s agent in a way that none of the other children are (especially in “Prince Caspian”). Eustace is actually physically un-dragoned by the claws of Aslan! Jill Pole has her terrifying encounter with the Lion by the brook in Aslan’s country, and Digory comes face to face with the Lion’s tears at the dawn of Narnia.

But Susan has no such life-changing encounter. She is one of the four, and she is a witness, and she has adventures, but it very much looks like she goes through Narnia unchanged.

Second, Susan’s beauty and potential for vanity are seeded throughout the books she features in. Suitors pursue her at the end of the first book (LWW), and a major plot point of “The Horse and His Boy” is Rabadash’s desire to take Susan as his queen, against her will. Far from being an afterthought, Susan’s beauty—and its dangers—have always been a part of her character.

Third, and finally, recall that in the second Narnia book, “Prince Caspian,” the children return to Narnia and a great deal of time has passed there—so much time, in fact, that the landscape has changed and they struggle to recognize where they are. While journeying toward their destination, one by one the Pevensie children begin to see Aslan. Lucy—again, the most sensitive!—sees him first, but the others disbelieve. Edmund, seeking to make amends for his previous behaviour towards Lucy, chooses to trust her and is rewarded by seeing Aslan second. After a time, finally, Peter also sees Aslan. Who sees him last? It is Susan, and this suggests that the seeds of a kind of resistance to the transformative magic of Narnia are already in place, embedded in her character.

Far from being a problem, the absence of Susan at the conclusion of Narnia’s stories provides us with two pieces of terrifying instruction. And the lessons look like this:

1) You can travel through Narnia and not be changed by it. You can live adjacent to profound transformation, and not be transformed yourself. You can witness miracles and not believe.

This is very sobering, but necessary for us to hear. It is similar to that old preacher’s phrase that “Sitting in church no more makes you a Christian than sitting in your garage makes you a car.” Proximity to transformation is not in itself any guarantee for personal transformation. There is always something more that is required. In this, I think of the phrase that I sometimes have heard people say: “If only God would show me a miracle, then I would believe.” But I think the message of Susan is that you can see all the miracles in the world and still not believe.

2) You really can choose the world. A lot of people are upset by the idea of exclusion, that God might shut people out from His Kingdom. But the truth of the matter is that God gives us freedom to choose not-God. We can choose the world. We can choose our own way. And the truly terrifying part is that He lets us make that choice. Lewis puts this explicitly in his book “The Great Divorce,” where George MacDonald, his guide to the lands between, says these words, “There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’ All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. Those who knock it is opened.” Susan, therefore, is vivid illustration of a sobering point that runs throughout Lewis’s books and theology.

During a typhoid epidemic in London, John Donne was himself sick and bedridden, forced to listen repeatedly to the funeral bells that rang from the church. Responding to the queries of people wondering who had died, he wrote these words: “Send not to ask for whom the bell tolls/it tolls for thee.” His message was pastoral: do not focus your curiosity on the death of others, take care of your own soul. Do not fixate on the news, look to your own salvation. Something similar can be said of Susan’s final state—do not fixate on Susan, but look to yourself. Have I journeyed in the Kingdom without entering it? Have I chosen the world over the King?