I have not done a freewrite for a while now, and so much has happened.
State of the Well Report (I used to do these all the time, but it has been years)
Hmm. How is my heart? My blog heading says, "One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart." Hmm. How is it? Let me feel the feelings. In the last day, I had my heart moved by a directee who learned about her strong instinctual variant toward the social, and she was so enthusiastic to learn all about it and wanted to gather spiritual directors to have me do a training on it (like I do for the Bollers 2-3 times a year for their spiritual directors in training). I was just excited to have her grasp the material and be so enthusiastic about it. She is such a sweetheart, and that warms my heart.
My heart hurt because of the interaction with the person organizing our trip on the Camino. I think she is 1) new, 2) not totally fluent in English, and 3) not the best communicator. But the good news: I did not go into any sort of anger mode with her, and I calmly dealt with her for the last nine days. So, I am sad that she did not lay out all our options right away because it ended up costing more money in the long run, and that was a little disappointing. But I think God is telling me to let go of it and just move on. I think she feels bad about it, and I don't think she understands how poorly she communicated through the whole thing. Not sure I would recommend this company to handle our logistics again too.
I feel a bit afraid: 1) my knee will not be ready to go 71 miles for 5 days in 20 days. My PT thinks it will be great, and the swelling has gone down, and I am thankful this did not happen WHILE I was walking on the Camino. So I am glad that my training brought this out 4 weeks before instead of in the middle of walking. I had already peaked with my training and was going to taper anyway. So I am thankful and afraid at the same time.
2) That I will be overwhelmed with the number of people going. I have already decided that I cannot focus on that many people so have to be selective. It is the fault of the Type Two to think I have to be involved with everyone, and that is not possible with that many people. So I am focusing, and I know that we will have Elizabeth to spend time with afterward when we go to Belfast.
3) That airlines will charge us extra for baggage even though I reserved airlines that said we could bring a carry-on. So that is somewhat disconcerting for me. I know they contract out and things get lost in the translation (and refunds don't happen - as Delta Airlines has recently proven.)
So that last one I realize I am still ANGRY at Delta for the way we were handled in April.
I feel joyful about going on the Camino though, and I have loved the inward journey journaling that I have done. It will be a good trip. I know it.
I feel peaceful when I think about the spiritual journey I am on.
I feel uncertain about whether I should say yes to a small group of leaders in my church. I think I am a perfect fit to lead it, but do I have the capacity even if I postpone it until January?
There is a lot of emotion there. I will say that overall, the things I am leading, both in individual spiritual direction and in the small groups I facilitate (Silent Prayer, OMS, Renovare, 2HC), are all bringing me much joy. But can I add another one to the mix? OMS will stop, and I will replace that with the Deepen III, but can I do the leaders from my group.
I have prayed for all of this for years. Now the fires are set, and there is a glorious blaze developing that does not seem to be blowing out. The vision you gave me is coming true! So that excites me and scares me all in the same breath!
Here is the picture you gave me of that:
Well, that was 20 minutes. So I will do another freewrite tomorrow about my other things:
"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well" (The Little Prince by de Saint-Exupéry). One woman's journey to wellness through a well-adjusted heart, well-watered soul, well-educated mind, and well-tuned body. "Love the Lord your God with all your HEART, and with all your SOUL, and with all your MIND, and with all your STRENGTH" (Mark 12:30-31).