Too long since I posted

To say my life is full is an understatement, but I wanted to say that another hill has been overcome. I have determined what happens in the Vortex sucking, and I am doing my best to avoid any hint of allowing myself to get sucked back in.

I told George that I haven't struggled for weeks, and he said that just that morning he was thinking that he had not heard me relay any "vortex angst" for quite some time.

Yes, I think we are over a huge hump. It just takes time to get over traumatic experiences, and it also needs to be replaced with similar experiences that are much more positive and encouraging. Going to the women's retreat on the 20th and teaching SHAPE on the 2nd has made it abundantly clear that while my activities and ministry are very similar these days, the environment is much better and for this I am eternally grateful.

So, I am off to meet with Sherry (the manicurist) for church!

Bye for now!

A Much Better Week

Something really has lifted. Hallelujah!

Vortex Sucking

PAIN: My shoulder is acting up again. So, I am not happy about that and am deciding this morning what to do about it. I rested all day yesterday, and it seems to be better, but I hate continuing to miss my workouts because of this thing. How should I proceed, Lord?

Peace: I am still trying to carve a way through allowing myself to hear about things and people from the past and just tuning it out because the past is part of the VORTEX that I don't want to be a part of any more. It so discourages me! It is so not a peaceful place to be! I love the people and I don't want to ignore what is in their lives, but sometimes when I see some of these people I get sucked back into some things that are just not my things anymore. They are their things because of the culture in which they choose to live. I have chosen to remove myself from it, and I see life on the outside, and I have such a different perspective. I am in a better place and have moved on with my life. I don't like how the VORTEX sucks away my peace too and makes me want to shrink back from moving forward because of my past life in the VORTEX.

All that to say that God gave me such tremendous encouragement in his Word last night as I was struggling in prayer over this issue of VORTEX sucking. I can't shrink back into it. I have to move forward even though it is sometimes sucking at my back. I must turn and run away or I will shrink back into it, and I will not keep moving ahead. I read last night in Hebrews:

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance (endurance) the race that is set before us (marked out for us). Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such hostility by sinful men, so that you would not grow weary and lose heart." (Heb.12:1-3)

It robs me of such peace and joy to let this entangle me when I have such hope and peace and joy laying before me.

So, I will not be one of those who shrinks back (Hebrews 10:38). The VORTEX will not get me. I will resist the enemy behind the VORTEX, strong in my faith. I will not be afraid. I will destroy speculation and every lofty thought raised against the knowledge of God and hold every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10). I will forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead and press on toward the upward call (Phil). I will remember that you have set before me an open door that no one can shut (Rev. 3:8).

The VORTEX is strong, but You, my God, are stronger and more powerful than any VORTEX, and you will protect me from it. I submit myself to you.

I am Well

I can't believe it has been nine days since I have blogged on this blog!

Things are going very well. I am enjoying a time of great peace on all sides. I guess that is all I have to say today. :)

On Fear and Faith

Is there a theme or something going on? God is knocking on the door of my heart. Where do I go and what do I do with this?

"Heavenly Father, thank you that you have placed no restrictions on my access to you except that I would believe you. Thank you for father Abraham and the pattern of faith he established. Thank you that through his faith, your blessings have come to me. Increase my faith, O Lord. May you search me out when you need a faithful servant to accomplish a task for you on earth! Amen" p.144 Holman New Testament Commentary: Romans.

This is the desire of my heart Lord. I know that I have shrunk back in the past, and there is no excuse.

I just have so many things in my head. Help me to separate the precious from the worthless.

So much . . .Bible book and book clubs . . . inner life growth . . .leading . . .SHAPE . . .discipleship central.

There is so much. I am excited, but the good can be the enemy of the best.

Do Not Be Afraid

I keep on getting this message over and over and over again in my Bible reading and book reading, and I am pondering all of this in my heart!

Do not fear
For I am with you
Do not anxiously look about you
For I am your God
I will strengthen you
Surely I will help you
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
Isaiah 41:10

And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself
perfect
confirm
strengthen and
establish you
1 Peter 5:10

Spring Break

I am on the third official day of Spring Break, but it hasn't been what I expected. The last entry was about the wonderful day I had, and I started by saying that I went to work out. Well, apparently, I had thrown my shoulder out at the Monday night Group Power, and I really wasn't ready to do another weigh lifting workout just yet. So, I had a nagging pain from Friday to Tuesday. I decided on Monday to just ice and heat and rest, but it didn't go away. So, I had Anna message it, and then went up to Paul's for an adjustment. He said it WAY out. My right shoulder was way higher than my left.

The good news is that he said that my lower back was great. This means that my record of it not going out is up to 27 months! YEAH!

I am still sore from the massage and adjustment. So, I will just walk today.

The Well-Watered Soul

I have really enjoyed my Bible reading lately. Since I had so much time, I decided to just keep reading through the Old Testament, and I read all through the life of Ezra and Nehemiah yesterday with the accompanying prophecies in Joel and Malachi. WOW! I loved the extended time to just sit and soak in the Word! It was nice to not have Bird's Eye View or my Roman's study looming over me so I could just concentrate on that. Very fun. I hope to just keep reading and resting today and be caught up to Holy Week in my Bible reading on the actual Holy Week that starts on April 1! Very fun.

Phil and Jan and George and I went out to dinner on Sunday night. We walked along Waterfront Park and took pictures and had a delightful time talking. We settled on Mongolian Grill and had a great talk. Phil let me borrow three of his books The Great Omission, Choose the Life, and Connecting with God by Willard, Hull, and Adsit, respectively. I hope to glance at them as I prayerfully prepare for my meeting on discipleship and mentoring with Claudia, Vicki, and Carrie; three Godly women I am so looking forward to working with for years to come. So healthy, but I have already gone on and on with that one for too long about that happy thing.

I plan on doing much praying for this meeting and for the women's retreat at Wi-Ne-Ma on April 21 today.

Well-Trained Mind

Nikki has not responded about continuing on with the autobiographies. :( So, I am not sure what to do with that. I need to get a plan, but I think I will wait for the summer to execute it. In the meantime, I hope to finish up The Memory Keeper's Daughter for some online and IRL discussion. I also have House of Seven Gables to read with my Book Dames. It is hard being in two book clubs and still continue the books from The Well-Educated Mind, but I can't imagine giving up either of those two book clubs. I love them!

Wellness in Body

Well, I am going to walk today, and I am going to track my food intake. Too much hand to mouth lately, and it has just got to stop. My weight is up about 7 lbs these days. So, I want to get back to ideal. :)

Wellness of Heart

Oh yes, it is so well with my heart and soul right now. I am over the hump of the most recent thing with my old church. I learned a good lesson. Some people are (really ONE person, that I know of) still hurt about me leaving, and I need to embrace that and feel empathy for them. It is not the case with my good friends, they love me and I love them, and it doesn't matter what church we go to in order to continue the relationship. Apparently, for some (or maybe one), it is an issue. So, I don't have any problem staying away. In fact, I rather like it. :)

A Beautiful Day

I had such a great day today. I went to work out and saw Lisa and Scott. I also got a great workout with Kelly who is definitely the hardest of the instructors in Group Power. After that, I had a nice chat with Robin while doing the Elliptical.

I came home and read my book (see margin at right). I love this book! I read about life in the cave and how God meets us in the cave. I have been so ULTIMATELY encouraged with this book. It is hitting me right where I am at these days.

I also spent time meditating in and observing Romans 4 while the boys did their math. I was on the couch, Michael in the chair, Paul on the loveseat. It is the last day of school. They are all caught up with everything. So, I had them just do Math and a bit of reading this week.

Sharon called to say that Lisa was under the gun. So, our lunch was postponed until after Spring Break. I called Sharon and said, "Let's go out to lunch then!" We had a great time at Sam's Station. I loved their soups, and I loved the fellowship. After this, we went walking in her neighborhood taking pictures of the blooms. We also had some tea and scones.

Then, I came home and folded some laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, straigthened up the house, and downloaded my picture of the day.

When George came home he cracked my upper back (have a little pinch, nothing major), and he brought me dinner as I rested on the heating pad. I watched an hour of news. Now, we are watching the Oregon vs. UNLV game.

Oh, btw, I had a wonderful thing happen to me yesterday. There is a woman who called me to humbly apologize to me for teasing me in a public setting. She was praying that morning, and she felt that she must ask my forgiveness.

WOW! We had such a lovely talk about things, and she told me how much she respected me, how much she loves having me in the group, and how she see such great things for me in my future. She also just talked about love and the love in the body of believers I am now involved with. What a blessed phone call, in every way!

I feel so especially blessed because I have had such bad experiences in the past of people teasing me with a sarcastic twist, hurting my feelings, and me just either sucking it up or going to that person if it gets to be a pattern and have them be 1) clueless and/or 2) defensive. So, can I just say that I am SO glad that I am in fellowship of believers who display Biblical peacemaking! YAHOO! Confession and forgiveness are wonderful things!

I do want to say that I was trying to be really careful not to say anything negative about people. I think I did OK. I am trying to be compassionate and honest but not negative about things. So, I think that I did all right.

Quote from Nikki's photoblog

What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter. ~ Henri Matisse

Ticket

Got ticketed for not having proof of insurance in my car yesterday. I really cried.

Weeping may last for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.

I'm over it. I need to take a break. I think I have too many people in my life right now.

Moments of Quiet

There have been some full days. They haven't necessarily been busy, but they have been full. I had the A boys from 8:30 yesterday to 8:30 today. We visited the H's which made eight kids all together. Heavy talks with people. Still processing.

Now we have J over while his mom is at a prayer retreat. Surprisingly, I am all caught up with my Bible study and book reading. I just need to prepare for my summary of the chapter to present to the women for Wednesday night. It is quiet as the boys are downstairs, and I am up here. The house is picked up and fairly clean. So, I am enjoying the quiet.

Went and took some more pictures of flowers. I know it must be tiring but it is nice to document. I got wet and muddy as I took a picture lying on my back on the wet lawn. Sacrificing my body for a picture. LOL!

A Pencil

A pencil
long and lean
strong as wood
but giving out bits of me
on to the page of history
until I must be sharpened down
with cuts and blades whirling around me
so that I become effectively sharp once again
in order to give out bits of me on to the page of history.

The process continues: giving out bits of me and sharpening,
giving out bits of me and sharpening as the wood is whittled away
and all that is left is that tossable cold metal shell where the eraser once stood,
and the long and growing story of an instrument directed by the Author's hand in HISstory.



(An online friend suggested a poetry writing challenge, and these were the instructions:
"For this prompt, you`ll come up with a poem about an object that describes you. First, choose an object. Next, list down the reasons you think the object you chose represents you. From your list of reasons, which one is the most powerful? Which one conveys the strongest image of you? Once you`ve chosen your main image, list down things that support this main image. Build your poem from there.")

The Joy of Laying it Down

Weeping may last for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning!

I almost didn't go to Book Babes this morning. I was ready to crawl in a hole after the bomb of last night. However, I had been up since 4:30, and I had journaled and prayed. So, I got my iPod and camera and walked in the wonderful sunshine to downtown. (About a 45 minute walk) I did call M to find out if we were OK, and she said that we were totally fine. I mourn the loss of what working together would have looked like. That was one drawback of my decision.

Almost to town, I found some of the most lovely flowers.

I think seeing the beauty in each new day is what is important when you have something hard happen. So, just the effort to stop in the middle of my walk to photograph the lovely flowers was enough to really cheer me up. Stop and smell the roses. There is something to that statement even if these aren't roses. :)







Then, I got to Book Babe, and a cup of Big Train Chai in a cheery yellow cup, a nice waitress, a empathetic ear from Carol, and talking about a fun book started to lift me.

How can your spirits not be lifted by going to a cafe that has the name Sunnyside Up and posters like this in their window?










And then there was this sweet little girl with her dad going to do the St. Patrick's Day Fun Run:





Then, talking with Rosemary and her husband at the run was fun. Why didn't I take a picture of you Rosemary? Did you win a prize?

Then, I walked down to the river and took lots of pictures of ducks while I talked on the phone with Kim:




I even did this with one hand. I have a funny story about what happened while I was talking to Kim at www.carol365.blogspot.com.

Then, after this, I went to the library and got House of Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne and Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife (Sequel to Pride and Prejudice and later taken back because it was pornographic IMHO!), then, I walked to Borders and ordered a Chai Frost and sat and read the Hardy book. Then, I walked home and talked to Patty on the way home. She validated my reality about the thing that made me sad last night; and from sharing with me about her own life, she mentioned having memorized James 1 regarding her own trial of having bursitis. This really spurred me on to apply it to my own life, and it reminded me of this passage I memorized in the Philips version of the Bible:

When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your life, my brethren
Don't resent them as intruders, but welcome them as FRIENDS
Realize that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of ENDURANCE
But let that process go on until that endurance has been fully developed
And you will find that you have become a [wo]man of mature character
With the right sort of independence.

James 1:2-4 (Philips)

So, it was nice to have Patty say, "What happened was ridiculous." George also reaffirmed and validated my reality too, and he really helped me to see the character of the person who said the things she said to me last night, and you know, I actually listened to his assessment. I usually don't believe him because I think he is biased toward me. I remember him telling me this summer that he can tell me truth about good things about me over and over, but I don't want to listen to him (he really was crazy to marry me, right?) Well, I am listening to him now, and that is a very good thing. He is a wise man who shoots straight and tells it like it is.

Then, I finally got to talk through it with Kim H., and we were able to talk through what happened. Not, at all like the conversation I had with the other person last night. It just reaffirmed for me that Kim H. is a very good friend, and I love her very much.

So, I got off the phone and everything lifted. It was all the lovely things that led up to this too. The sunshine and exercise and picture taking and lovely sights of Corvallis and ducks mating and talks with friends and prayer and reading and chai teas and face-to-face contact with lovely people.

So, the cherry on top was also talking to Teala and having her come to church with me tonight and meeting Claudia and talking to Debbie on the way to church on the cell phone and having her tell me that what happened to me was just a bunch of "hokey-poky" LOL!

So, I sit here tonight a changed woman. Thanks God. Thanks for friends and dear husband and lovely, sunny days. I really have been able to spread that letter out to you and have let you take it from me.

Laying It Before the Lord

Sigh, sigh, sigh. I woke up this morning at 4:30 with a heavy heart. All the other things happening in my life have been so hard in the life/death/divorce dynamic, but the relationships grow sweeter by the day as a result. People pulling together and loving. It has been a beautiful thing. I kept telling people that all the things happening have been an exercise in me "laying the letter at the altar before the Lord" like Hezekiah. I was rejoicing in God growing me to lay the burden on Him. I told George just this week, "I feel like I am going through such growth. I am so excited!"

So, now comes this new little thing. A conversation from a person who thinks I have "abandoned the family" because I have left my old "job" at my old church. OUCH! I see it as being called to a new job with better benefits; still part of the same company or "family" but in a new building. Same CEO (Jesus Christ), but it is a work group that I am much more fitted to.

So, why can I not lay this "letter" out in front of the temple before the Lord like Hezekiah like I have been doing over the last month and a half? Again, every new thing that has come my way in the last month has been placed there at the altar. God continued to whisper "Peace, peace" to me. Where is your whisper, dear God? What is it about relational tension that sends me reeling emotionally to where I cannot hear that still, small voice from You? I think it is because it is more personal. It is more relational. It hits me more at the core. It hits my identity. I have this need to be liked.

OUCH, OUCH, and DOUBLE OUCH!

My dear sweet George listened to the whole phone call, and he said he prayed for me through the whole thing. I hung up and he yelled from the other room, "Oh Carol, she is so young!" I think I need to realize that, she is so young. Most of my other friends are much older and wiser, and they totally "get" why we left and are excited about what we are doing. I had another friend say, "My biggest comfort in your leaving is knowing how genuinely happy you are in your new situation." This young woman did not know my misery in my old situation. She did not know the burden that I carried there. My leaving was a way for me to give that burden totally over to the Lord because in the midst of the situation, I could not seem to give it over to Him. I could not continue to play a game of "everything is fine" when it wasn't fine.

So now, I have to deal with the accusation that I have "abandoned" this thing that she calls family. I just see it so differently.

What is weird is that she is not that good of a friend. It is not like she really knows me. We get together, and I listen to her while she talks; that is the extent of our relationship. I don't need to go to her church in order to continue to do that. She is young. I need to just pray for her and not be hurt by what she said.

All this because C wanted me to go to the conference and hear the speaker. Oh my! If I had known what would result of it, I never would have done it!

Just really need to pray for the hurt feelings that others might have with us leaving. I can't believe the difference in attitude at the new church. I am in such a better place. Thank you, Lord for bringing me to this "place of abundance."

The LampPost

The LampPost, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

I just love this photo! Spider webs and all! This is on the creek down the street from my house.

All Creatures of Our God and King

All creatures of our God and King,
lift up your voice and with us sing,

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!

O praise Him! O praise Him!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Ye who long pain and sorrow bare
Praise God and on Him cast your care

O praise Him! O praise Him!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Rushing wind that art so strong
Clouds that sail in heaven alone
Rising mourn in praise rejoice
Lights of evening find a voice
All ye men of tender heart
Forgive others, take your part
Praise the Father, praise the Son
Praise the Spirit, three in One (2x)

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

It is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come
Let this blessed assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And He shed His own blood for my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight
And the clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Yes, peace like a river, Lord. Really, all around me is difficult. If you were to count it all out on a table, the stakes are such that I should be a basket case by now:

My mom's chest pains and heart disease and slide toward heaven
My aunt's death
Cousin's 23 year marriage ending when she gets aunt's inheritance settled
Cousin hooked on Speed and tearing aunt's house apart
Bruce's melanoma and seeing that whole family go through so much
The drama between two people that I got caught in the middle of last week
Friend's child custody battle - those poor kids
Finding out these long-time friends are on the verge of divorce
Lorraine's fall, broken hip, hospital stay
A friend's heartbreaking news on Thursday
The drama about whether I should come to the conference or not. Oh brother!

BUT it is well with my soul! I am in such a supportive environment with praycry (thanks ladies! You have no idea how much you bless me everyday by your love for the Lord and for others), friends, church (HUGE - I have never had church leadership be supportive, ever! Such rocks, absolute rocks of mature, godly people, blessings to Claudia, Vicki, Kim, Nancy, Rick, Steve, Jerome, Big Carol - they are supportive just because of their stability as human beings. So sad that I have never known that before in my life!), Ginny and Lorraine, Debbie, Patty, on-line friends), Kim I. is also a HUGE rock of prayer support for me too.

Also, the thing with Bruce has caused me to see your power, drawn me closer in relationship with a plethora of people, including Bruce and Mary Beth! (Reconnecting after many years of just running in different circles and having different ministries. Old friends draw together in crisis). I have had sweet loving talks with my brother over mom's care, huge blessings all the way around in all of the sorrow, really.

Above all, YOU Lord are my ROCK. I am so glad that you have put me so FOCUSED in your Word and prayer. Everything seems so very applicable that I am studying with Bird's Eye View/Quiet Times/Romans study/Peacemaker Sunday School) and praying with Nancy and Kim and Kim I! It is so amazing how You fit all my life together. So OBVIOUS that we made such a good choice this last year.

So, peace. That is what I feel.

Wellness Check

For me, I need balance, and it is time to get it

Well-Watered Soul - time for Bible reading and prayer. Want to FINISH Romans 3:21-31 (I kept getting interrupted yesterday). Tomorrow, I would like to have a day of prayer or at least a half day. So much to process.

Well-Educated Mind - Read book club selection or Sherlock Holmes

Well-Nourished Heart - I think I will call my mom and see how she is doing. I don't know how much longer she will be on this earth. Pray for L - she is so hurting.

Wellness in Strength - Went to Group Power and Elliptical. I need two hours tomorrow of cardio, but I have a free day. Maybe a run or hike with George.

A Clean Date

I know this may be hard to believe, but I do not have one bit of chicken scratch on this date in my calendar. I am free as a bird. So, I wrote FREE. I had George take the car to work (He was going to walk because his bike is on the fritz, but it is pouring down rain, for crying out loud!) so that I am not even tempted to go out, and so that I can say no to anyone that asks me to go out. :) I am looking forward to a day to decompress after a very high-powered week living my girlfriend Mary Beth's life, having six children, racing from appointment to appointment, and dealing with one of her friends who is difficult. In addition, I lived my life of homeschool mom, fitness buff, small group and Bible study leader, counselor to friends.

I am dizzy from living two lives, but I am so happy and fulfilled too. I know that there are some deep waters ahead for those around me that I love so passionately, but I also know that there is a very deep God, whom I love even more passionately, and He will carry me one step at a time.

Calling Me to Walk On Water

Literally, got a major bombshell dropped on me today. I am called to walk with some people through some very difficult days, and this isn't even Bruce and Mary Beth.

So, if you read this, please pray for me. This is huge, but the events of the last week have shown His infinite power to do the impossible.

Breathe

Yes, I have a breathe. Taking care of two families is quite a chore. Going from two to six kids is alot!

Also breathing and happy that I was able to get over a little "bump" with a situation. It was awkward, but I feel like I handled it well. :) YEAH GOD.

He led me to peace through prayer and this passage that I memorized almost thirty years ago:

Psalm 31: 19 - end
How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!
You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man;
You keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues.
Blessed be the LORD,
For He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.
As for me, I said in my alarm,
"I am cut off from before Your eyes";
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried to You.
O love the LORD, all you His godly ones!
The LORD preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.
Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.

Grateful - A freewrite

I am sitting here in my happy spot. George has gone to take the kids to church and then on to go to do the shopping for the week.

Grateful - that George sees my need for a little quiet. He is a dear one.

I now have about 1 1/2 hours until I get ready for church that starts at 11:00 a.m.

Grateful - for some time to sit and reflect and journal (here) and pray

Sunday school will be our 9th lesson on Peacemaking for the excellent Ken Sande DVD series.

Grateful - that I go to a church that places a premium value on peacemaking by teaching its members how to make peace in a Godly way. This was one of our top ten things we were looking for in a church.

After that, I will have a long distance conversation with Katrina about "time."

Grateful - for wonderful online friends who love God!

I will also go and study the gospel of Mark with Norieh

Grateful -that God has heard my cries for this neighborhood and has brought Nourieh in my life to study Scripture.

Well, I am off to have a long prayer time before I "beautify" for church.

Grateful - for the gift of prayer and life in YOU Lord.

On the Road Again

Jogging Up, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

I just love this photo. I would have put it on my Project 365, but I also loved the picture of my dh and I too. I just thought this was symbolic of where I am right now. I am pressing forward.

I have written an allegory off and on for years in my journal much like Hinds Feet On High Places, but the girl is running forward listening to the "Great Coach" and following Him. I am climbing and reaching toward the goal.

I like this.

Life is Too Short to Be Scared

Just wanted to say that I am not scared. I appreciate your comments, and I know that He holds me in the palm of his hand, forever.

I am so convinced that I am in a very good partnership - team actually. There will be four of us who will be working together in seeing discipleship at our wonderful church. I have known one on the team for 28 years because I used to play basketball with her in college! (I was her back up. She went on to be an Olympic Gold Medalist). So, I know that I am in such a healthy environment. ALL the lies that were whispered to me are being washed away and replaced with three other very truthful and Godly women. So, I am grateful.

I am also realizing that life is short. The brevity of life is coming in full view as I see that our friend with melanoma has a very poor prognosis. Sending them to New York was a big stretching of our faith (The ringleaders of Lisa, Michelle, and I). After we got the go ahead at noon yesterday, Lisa said she wanted to back-peddle, and God said, "NO!" If any of us had back-peddled, we wouldn't have been able to see His glory manifested in providing miracle after miracle on this road to getting them to New York. We wouldn't have known the love of countless phone calls with DEAR people and the generosity of people giving from as far away as Pennsylvania and North Carolina. (You know who you are. :))We would have missed out on the joy of living by faith.

So, I say: (S)HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST

There is no room to be scared because life is too short. Embrace the moments. Don't shrink back.

This is what I am pondering this Friday.

I'm so happy that I am done

That taking a picture was a pain in the neck! I am five pounds down.

So much has happend in the last week. I am so looking forward to all God has for me in the future.

I am scared too.

Carol

Saturday Food

Saturday Food, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

Not a bad day.

Friday Fast and Fast Breaking Dinner

Friday Fast and Fast Breaking Dinner, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

I fasted with only water, diet soda, and tea until dinner time.

Good Morning!

Got up at 5:15 a.m. and went to Group Power and an hour of cardio.

I am fasting the rest of the day for Lent Friday! So, I don't have to keep track of my eating by pictures! YEAH! (What a hassle. Makes me want to eat less!)

I will spend the rest of the day reading Pride and Prejudice!

Thursday Food

Thursday Food, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

Didn't eat most of the day. I was out and about until 5 p.m., and I only got a string cheese and a tea before I left!

Wednesday Food

Wednesday Food, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

I snacked on a lot more junk today. Busy days make for more hand to mouth.

Tuesday Food

My creation, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

Good day!

It may sound funny but . . .

Photographing my food and posting it here is keeping me from eating as much!

Why?

1) I have to go to the trouble of taking a picture and posting it. So, I am not sneaking little snacks here and there because it costs me time and hassle to put it out there.

2) Others see it, and that always makes me accountable. :) It is sort of like the food loop that we used to have where we all posted what we ate ever day. This is just a visual of that concept.

3) Research has shown that people who eat consistently the same thing for breakfast and lunch tend to have less weight problems because they know what they are getting into. I am trying to do that for at least two meals a day, and I let my third meal be the variety. I can just use the same picture again when I do this. So, it keeps me consistent knowing what I am eating.

Doing really well with this new fun week. I will only do it a week though. Too much time, but it is getting me back in the GROOVE of eating right after a "emotional munchout" last week because of the surgery.

By the Way, he went walking with his kids today, and his wife says you would never know he just had brian surgery. YIPPEE!

40 Minute Power Walk to Irish Bend Bridge

Power Walk, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

One Hour of Group Power

Group Power Weights, originally uploaded by carolfoasia

Monday Food

Monday Food, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

Sunday Food

Sunday Food, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

Food Photo History Sunday to Sunday

I got this great idea as I was waking up this morning!

I will take a picture of everything that goes into my mouth for a week! This might be a big project or it might just make me not eat as much because of the hassle of having to take a picture of it for all the world to see!

I will also take a picture to symbolize my workouts. I might not take the camera to the club (too heavy and conspicuous), but I will take a pic to symbolize or maybe even use an old picture from one of my Dale Carnegie workout photos!

Today is a 1/2 day of prayer. I have so much on my heart that I need that time. It is my application from Bible study and reading this week to do this. I will take the kids to Sunday School and drop George off at Church and have some time of quiet and then I will go and pick everybody up again. I know it will be an interrupted 1/2 day, but such is the disadvantage of having only one car!

A Brighter Day

We have had pouring down rain for the last two days, but just like the song says, "the sun will come out tomorrow!" I still have my periods of weepyness, but I am as peace.

Decided in the shower today that I would JUST concentrate on the FE (Food and exercise) for the rest of the days on this little discipline regime. I am down four pounds. That puts me only 1 pound over my ideal weight! YEAH!

The tricky news is that I am going to be a wearing a close fitting bridesmaid dress in June that is taffetta. Therefore, it is going to show every bump! So, I would like to get below even my ideal weight!

So

FOOD: So far Friday has been good. I have had:
Slim-Fast Bar (just because I have been so busy with all the emails and calls regarding Bruce and his surgery)
Oregon Chai tea with Low Fat whipped cream

EXERCISE: Already accomplished for the day!
1 hour of POWER with Group Power
1 1/2 hours on the Elliptical!
WOOHOO!

I cried a bucket yesterday and even cried more today on the phone with Kim, but I am GOOD, and I am needing to pray for these lovely friends and quite typing on this blog!

Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship we will see You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
And by Your word You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You

On death and dying

Well, our friend was rushed up to Portland for brain surgery. It was moved up by 10 days because of new symptoms.

I am reading on the internet and all of the things say: Prognosis poor, most people die within two years.

It is weird to see him last Friday. On the outside, he looks strong and healthy. I am so sad. I am so very, very sad. I am sad for the kids that I have known since they all came out of the womb. I am sad for his wife who has been a friend for many years. It is weird that it is bringing up lots of memories of our friendship that have been painful too. It is funny how these sorts of things bring up so much in your heart and mind.

I want to help, but I don't know how to do that. I know that others are going up to see them in Portland, but I really don't want to be in the way. I know she has said that I wouldn't be in the way, but because of our history, I would feel in the way. I wonder how to get over that.

It was so nice because her mother said that the kids love us and don't stop talking about us when they are at home. I know that my role is to help with the kids more than anything right now. I love these kids like my own. I really and truly do.

That is my reflection at 11 p.m. on Valentine's Day. Sounds so morbid. I am so sad.

I think I am back on track

Today is a new day! I have started off well in my eating, getting dinner ready, keeping things tidy, and getting the kids on track with school.

Yesterday, I did all the heaviest weights in Group Power, going to the 9:20 class for the first time. I will try to go on Thursday if I can get the boys up and going on their schoolwork too.

I feel settled about Monday night's revelation and have determined to take a sabbatical from Thursday at 2 p.m. until Wednesday at 7:00 p.m. I want to have some extended time in worship on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. Need to really listen!

Later today

Well, I am just doing hunky dorry. I am really thankful for people who pray for me! I asked some prayer people to pray, and I am covered and lifted and feel really good this evening about last night's meeting. I think there were some positive things that came out of it. So, I am leaving it there.

The melanoma is not good. Brain surgery is on February 26th. I hate this disease!

A Little Discouraged

I went to a ministry meeting last night, and I just sat there in stunned silence. I didn't know what to say as they talked about discipleship. I have so much to say, but I don't know how to say it. I don't think this is where I fit though.

Lord, you gave me verse after verse of encouraging words during my quiet time on Sunday and Monday. So, what gives with a pretty discouraging meeting?

The good thing is that they are lovely people, and I know that they will pray. So, nothing but good will come of that.

I was up until 2:30 a.m. processing it though. UGH!

Now, I am off to get my back shifted back by going to a Group Power class.

Let's Here it for a Free Saturday!

Yesterday, I sat and read through a big chunk of Isaiah over a period of a few hours. It was lovely to sit and soak, and the men were gone for a good part of it as they went shopping with their Christmas/Birthday gift cards and went on a hike.

Ideal setting for reading, meditating, listening, and responding to God. I love free Saturdays!

"to those who carry out plans that are not mine,
forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit . . ." 30:1

Lord, I don't want to do that. Were some of the things that happened last year plans that I carried out that weren't of You? Did I form an alliance that was not of Your Spirit. I think the answer to the second question is yes. I think the thing that we did was beautiful, but I should not have done it with her. Not with her.

"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel says:

In returning and rest you will be saved
In quietness and confidence is your strength,
But you were not willing" 30:15

Oh LORD, I am so willing. I am returning and resting in You this February 11, and I am so at peace with myself and everyone around me. That is a good place to be.

"Therefore, the LORD longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.
For the LORD Is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him." 30:18

Longing for you from a small town in the Pacific Northwest. I thank yiou for your compassion and graciousness and your justice.

Oh, it is time for breakfast. Gotta go!

Back on Track

There are people praying, and I am at peace once again. So, yesterday was sort of a readjustment day, but I am back on track in my eating, at least. I will go back to Group Power and maybe go for a run tonight after I get back from Kim's house.

Drinking tea, having a high fiber and calcium breakfast and doing homeschool this morning.

I just lost Warren Wiersbe on my old computer. So, I just ordered the commentary for Romans called Be Right so I won't have to have my computer with me to read what he has to say about it.

I will read Marley and Me after study.

People are praying, and this makes me very grateful.

When discipline goes out the door

Actually, it was a fairly good day in every area. My eating was on track, and I went for a walk with Paul. Then, I talked to MBA, and the reality is that this brain tumor in B's brain is not looking good.

Pass me the chips and go get me a Blizzard. I need some comfort right now.

So, there you have it. Sometimes, food brings comfort for me, and I was looking for anything that I could. I ate chips and prayed.

That is all I have to say this morning. I skipped my workout and am going to have some time with God right now. I think this will be my "off" day. I'm only in the mood to pray this morning.

Evaluating Yesterday: An A- Day

Food - B

I did great until about 3 p.m. Then, I ate all the rest of the totilla roll-ups and had 1/2 cup apple crisp with ice cream on top. I still think it was a great day because I didn't snack before bed! So, I would give myself a B.

Today: I want to make sure I get enough veggies and stay away from the remaining apple crisp!

Academics - Read 1 hour. A+

Today: 1/2 hour

Communion - Good day of Rest in Romans

I had lots of extra time. So, I finished my Romans 2 study and had a good time of praying for the world and "stuff."

Today: Will pray through Scripture and Romans 2 as I seek the Lord's will for how He wants to take what I have learned and apply it to my life!

Exercise - A+ 1 hour Group Power, 1 hour Elliptical

Today: 1 hour walk with Paul or George?

Daily Care - A

Good homeschooling day where we got everything done. Swabbed my bathroom.

Today: Swab boys bathroom. Check on laundry level and do load if necessary.

February Fifth FACED

Ok, I am going to take from now until the Academy Awards to be really disciplined in my eating and exercise. I am only about three pounds away from my goal, but I could go down into my "range." So, I am going to go down!

FOOD

B: Fruit, fiber one, and yogurt
L: Salad with string cheese and turkey
D: Family meal in smaller portions
Snacks: One fruit, two high calciums

ACADEMICS

Read 1/2 hour a day

DAILY COMMUNION

Praying the Scriptures for Spiritual Growth/journaling
Bible Reading
1 hour of Romans
1/2 hour of If You Want to Walk on Water You Have to Get Out of the Boat

EXERCISE

Monday/Wednesday/Friday - Group Power Hour/Cardio Hour
Tues/Thurs/Sat. or Sun. - Power walk/run

DAILY CARE OF FAMILY

Swabbing out of bathrooms
Kitchen dishes dried and put away before bed
One load of laundry if needed
Thursday - Boys' sheets
Friday - Our sheets
Friday - Home bless throughout house
Keep office clear of papers

Countdown: 10

Righteousness, Relaxation, Riding the Wave

image from: www.art.com

I was going to put this in my Word Processor as an idea for a message, but I thought I would put it here! I just finished up a word study of "righteousness" for my Romans study this morning. Then, I got in the shower, and this whole thought came to me.

RIGHTEOUSNESS

We are righteous because of the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ, imparted to us as a gift. We can't earn it, and God settles the demand for righteousness in our own life through the blood of Christ. So . . . we can

RELAX

"There remains therefore a sabbath rest for the people of God." Because I can't earn that righteousness on my own, I can relax in what Jesus Christ has done for me. I can abide in that vine. I can be at rest and there is nothing that I can do to earn his righteousness by my own acts or service, but because of the imparted righteousness through Jesus Christ, I can not only relax, but I can . . .

RIDE THE WAVE

I have the Holy Spirit of the living God inside of ME! So, that relaxing doesn't make me lazy or nonchalant, but I am aware of God in me and HE propels me toward things that don't earn righteousness, but they are the fruit of righteousness.

I am just writing down the "3 R's" for today:Righteousness, Relaxation, and Riding the Wave!

I am neglecting this blog

I have been so busy with my other daily blog that I am neglecting this blog. So, I am just writing a bit.

Communion

I am loving my study of Romans. It is nice to be just studying ONE book of the Bible now. It was hard juggling both Ephesians and Romans over the last couple of months. So, it is nice to be done. I just have Bird's Eye View, and this is just an overview study. So, it isn't deeper study stuff. So, I can handle this when it kicks back up in late February.

What a wonderful thing to see the "heavens declaring the glory of God" while I have my head up and looking around at picture opportunities, and unexpected biproduct of the Project365!

I have been finding a lovely balance of prayer and study lately, and I feel like the Lord and I are tracking. I feel so surrounded by loving fellowship right now. Kim and Nancy are real highlights even though the beginning was sort of bumpy. That "dance of discomfort" when I am in a new situation is dispelling.

It is so well with G and I, but it usually is. He is the greatest husband in the world. The kids are great these days. We have so much happiness in our life with each other. Overflowing. It is nice to have that much happiness in my church family too. Too many unhappy people at my old church, and it is nice to be with those who have trials in their life, but it is just a different feel all the way around about what God is doing in their lives. It is almost too weird how scary it is at the old place now that I am in the new. I will always be grateful for God's deliverance of me, and I know that people probably get tired of me blogging about that fact!

Academics

I am in a reading funk right now. I just don't feel like starting a new book at the moment. I have Marley and Me waiting for me at the library. So, I think I will just read that and not try anything too deep for now.

Food and Exercise

Exercise is great. I am back on track. Food has been fabulous too the last few days.

Daily Care of Family

Good. Homeschool is going really well. I think that we are on track. House is clean. Laundry is done. Life is good, and we are eating well. :)

Lazy Day

I love lazy days. I woke up and was going to go to work out, but I didn't feel well. I went back to sleep, and I will go to workout at the 6:20 p.m. class at TH. So, I slept but got up and had some good time in Romans, structuring Romans 1:18-32. I sent it to K and N after that.

Then, we got to listening to The Story of the World: The Middle Ages, Disc 2, and I love it. While we did that, I did more Core Truths and Memory Verses from Discipleship Essentials. I love those truths, and it was good to type them in today and say, I LOVE THE BASICS of the Christian life! He makes it all so very simple.

I also spent some time organizing photos, and I am pretty sure I have most of the Adobes integrated into the HP Premier, and I am not going to download into the Adobe anymore. Too confusing.

The boys did Math and we went to Rachel's for haircuts and M had a blast going through their little farmette and taking pictures of various things. I think we have a future photographer on our hands. He is very good!

I came home and updated my blog and also talked to K.I. So, now I am waiting to go to workout, but I will feed the 'chilins before I go.

Then, I will pick up Monarch of the Glen, and hopefully, G and I will be able to watch some of it tonight!

Sunny Through the End of January

Some Party!

The Birthday Boy

The Knitting Grandma/Mother in Law

The ten day trend is sunny weather. I am happy about that.

I am hoping that I find this is true for my "inner weather" too. I am feeling better today. We had MJ's party, and I decided that I would be relaxed, and it was so very enjoyable. I love my mother-in-law, and she came to join in the fun. She knit and I organized photos from Adobe to HP Premier.

Oh well, there is my dh to come to bed. I must get off this thing.

Just writing

I read most people's blogs, and they usually have such important and amazing things that they write, but mine is really quite boring! LOL! Oh well, I am just going to write.

I am still not feeling really, really well. I purposely skipped Group Power again. I even woke up time, but I had no desire to go. I want to feel better. I need some iron and some water. I feel very lathargic. Part of that probably contributed to my meltdown at Bible study yesterday. I am a bit discouraged there, but I don't know what I can do to change that. I am just used to setting a very high standard, and I don't want people to feel judged in that. Oh, I have much to learn, but I don't have the energy to learn it right now. I just want to rest for a while.

I think it is hard when I continue to get emails from the ladies from last year asking me questions. A part of me wants to help, but a part of me wants to just say, "Well, should I be paying for the fact that my partner did hardly anything last year. So, they have to ask me because she doesn't know the answer? Why on EARTH did they pick her when she did hardly any work? Why did they reward her lazy behavior?" I know what the answer is: Politics. It is just that and nothing more. S had to chose because I couldn't go on with her, and he had to chose the elder's wife. That has to be it, but it sucks. So, I think that this contributes to my lethargy. I know as the conference come closer and closer that they will be asking me more and more questions, and they will finally see how much I contributed to the flow of things. That is why I was so exhausted after it though.

I am complaining. I guess I just lost a little confidence in the whole process, and I keep thinking that I will never have another opportunity like that again, and I blew it because I couldn't work with a drama queen. It isn't fair that I had to pay the price, but I look at where I am now, and I am so very grateful for where I have landed. So, it wasn't for naught. It really wasn't, but I don't like the constant reminder of my rejection for doing what is right.

So, that is my complaining on a Friday morning.

Ruminations on a Sunny Wednesday

I had a whole post yesterday, and there was some kind of system error, and it vanished into thin cyberspace.

I haven't been as good about keeping this blog up with my photoblog being a daily thing, but that is OK.

Yesterday, I made a decision that I would walk a little slower and purposely slow down everything. My life really isn't that stressful nowadays, but I want to be even more purposeful about saying no and not doing anything that I have to rush around for. I know that this sounds like an impossible task, but I am going to do it.

Actually, on a scale of 1 to 10 in comparison to most people that I know, I have a very slow life, but I want it even slower. I am especially going to not go to as many Bible studies next year. The way things have worked out this year, I am fine because the one I am in on Wenesday nights turns into a book discussion group about the time the Romans study is kicking into gear. So, that is cool, but I won't do Bird's Eye View of the Bible again. I love doing this and seeing Beth on a more consistent basis, and I knew this was my last year to participate in this thing I have heard so much about over the years. It is baby basic for me, but I still love it. I won't do it again. So, next year I will just be in a study and lead a study. That is it!

The dilemma that I have is that if I slow down too much, my kids get too bored. So, I may slow down my ministry time, but I want to spend more time with plugging my kids into things that will expand their horizons kid wise. I think M is especially feeling the need to be around more people, but he is a little bit afraid to take some risks in that area. So, I am praying how to encourage him in that way.

Well, I am getting too tired. It is 11:02, and I am done ruminating.

Back from the Dead or Bed

I had a glorious vacation, and you can check my photoblog for the pictures from that exciting experience with my mom and brother's family. I came back to being sick, sick, sick. So, I am just now eating solid foods again.

The good news is that any weight that I may have gained over the Christmas break/scrapbook stress/California overeating was all lost! (Well, probably not, it is no doubt water weight!). I have had a peaceful three days back home, but I am missing fellowship after a week in California and missing my three Bible studies since I came back from CA. So, I am looking forward to fellowship in the car with V, C, and C.

Here is my "Well" status!

Well-Educated Mind

I am back to full-leaded homeschooling with the boys. Rock cycle and catching up on the timelines and catching our Bible reading up to where we are in World History.

I am reading My Sister's Keeper. I really want to get back to the Well-Educated Mind autobiographies, but attacking The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn is, quite honestly, INTIMIDATING. I want to proceed, but I need that push through attitude!

Well-Watered Soul

Loving the foray into the new Face to Face for Spiritual Growth book. May pick up Boa's Two Year Reading and Prayer Bible since I saw it used, and it might be just what I need since I already decided that I will take two years to read through the Bible instead of one.

I am still going through Romans, and hoping that K and N are ready to come along for the ride. They don't seem as disciplined to do their homework outside of the study. It is a long time away from my time with M, M, K, L, C, K, S. Those women were my "dream study." I really, really like K and N though. So, I want to stick with them and bring them along. K and I are so like-heared in so many other things though!

Love Beth's Bird's Eye View and Claudia's Ephesians. Ephesians will be ending just as we kick Romans into full gear. So, I am grateful for that!

Wellness in Heart

Overall, I am healing and growing and changing. I had a little fear about going to the Renada Ministries seminar knowing that Jean hasn't responded to my emails, and M may have poisoned her mind, but it would be more of a reflection on J character if she believes any of it than mine.

I am also realizing how blessed and surrounded in love I am with friends and family and church family. I just didn't have that "church" family blessing before, and I do now. It was a horrible situation for me, and I still believe that leaving NWH was the third best decision we have made in our lives (1) getting married 2) going to Malaysia (which also meant leaving NWH)).

My heart is well.

Wellness in Body

What can I say? I am on the mend from my sickness and have taken three days off of any kind of exercise in order to heal my body of this nasty flu/virus that has gotten me down.

My weight is "in range."

I am strong. I exercised four times out of the six days that I was in California. That is a great thing. I will be back at Timberhill AC by next Monday for the new launch of Group Power.

That is my update!

A Warm and Wonderful Day . . .

even though the weather is close to freezing! I stayed up until 2 a.m. this morning not realizing that I was walking with Cathi this morning! She knocked on the door at 8:15, and I was still in bed. She is a safe enough person that I felt fine about answering the door in my P.J.'s!

We had a lovely walk talking about family. I like her so much. I hope we can walk more in the future.

Then, I hit the homestretch on this scrapbook. The boys did school, and I helped them along as they did things independently. My goal was to finish before Sherry did my hair at 3 p.m. George was so sweet to call and offer to take the boys to music lessons so I could finish up.

Well, I made it to 1985, and I only had about 5 more pages left when I went to get my haircut.

Then, I finished up the last 5 in less than an hour. YEAH. I went out on date to McGrath's with George, and I even remembered to buy a birthday card for mom!

So, I am procrastinating about doing my wash and packing (as usual!). I don't know if I will Blog from CA or not, but I thought I would log in one last time here.

TTFN!

Place of Abundance and a Little Stress

"You let men ride over our heads;
We went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance."

Psalm 66:12

This is the verse that stuck out to me in my Bible reading this morning. I had a "ride over my head and fire and water year last year, but I feel like you have brought G and I to a place of abundance in our new church. I look forward to going every Sunday! I come back refreshed and like I have had fresh water poured over my head over and over and over again from the worship, teaching, and fellowship. This is what church is supposed to be like, and I didn't know what I was missing out on all those years. YEAH!

The little stress is that I am trying to put this scrapbook together for my mom! But I am going to follow Nikki's quote from her photoblog:

We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.--Charles Schaefer

I am having FUN and taking this on with lots of enthusiasm. Help, I am stuck in my mom's timewarp, and I can't get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart be still

I am feeling very weird right now. I finally got to putting my mom's 80th Birthday scrapbook together. We had taken most of my mom's pictures with us up to Oregon after we moved her to Assisted-Living because her closet space is so very small. I asked George to bring up the boxes and there were FOUR huge ones. There is one from the Walter family from my mom's side. There is one from the Wardrop family on my dad's side. The other two are pictures from our growing up in one and pictures from the time after my dad's retirement.

Can you say BITTERSWEET?

I am looking at picture after picture of family and friends who have died, but I am also looking at my mom's past which was filled with joy . . . my parent's on their honeymoon . . . a "racey" anniversary card my dad gave to my mom . . . my parents on Mauii . . . camping trips and confirmations . . .graduations and grandchildren. . . .beauty pageants (Yes, my mom was "Miss Chicago Tall.") and babies.

Oh, my heart be still. I think it is going to a joyful experience to wade through these pictures and a challenging one emotionally.

Before the Battery Goes Out

I am trying to post daily.

What a day. I had such peace. Great workout in a small class (only five people!) Got my act together with laundry and homeschool and cleaning up the house. Connected greatly with the kids. Lisa came and we had such GOOD fellowship and tea. I am so glad I quit the cooking class. It is freeing up my life more. I needed a totally free day. So, tea and happy kids downstairs. Long talk with Jan on the phone about life and homeschool and books and tons of stuff. Pizza and news and PBS Friday night good stuff like NOW and Washington Week and Foreign Exchange and McLauglin Group while I talked to Kat on PM.

GIG! God is Good.

Each Day's Light

I had so many signs that you were there, right there.

The light streaming through the window as I read and prayed
The rainbow straight before me on the road
The circumcision of my heart as I studied Romans with K and N, a touch, a tear
The silver lining of the cloud above us as P and I walked around the block
The moon bright in the cold January sky when I decided to go the opposite way on our street
The dawning in my heart as Beth talked tonight

You are there . . .everywhere . . . whispering . . . loving me . . .loving the forum ladies . . . bringing all things to light.

"I felt like today was a day where nothing could go wrong." youngest dear son.

Verse from today's Bible reading

Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes and showers righteousness on you.
Hosea 18:12

I am seeking the Lord on what that unplowed ground may be.

Goals

So shoot me. I love to set goals. I love having a direction.

I have seven goals in 2007

WORSHIP - Moment by Moment practicing of His presence
WORDS - Words few and listen for purpose of prayer. Quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
W's - Immediate family and extended love and stay connected
WORK - Wake up to clean counters and sink.
WITNESS - Continue with N, Kid Club, and open to spontaneous relationships
WORD - Romans, Bird's Eye View, discipleship relationships
WEIGHT - Stay in 177-187 range by 6-10 hours of workout and logging my eating

Very simple.

6:30 - 9 a.m.

8:30 a.m. walk to Starbuck's with college friend, M. First Christian I met at OSU, 29 years ago.


Dinner out



Hoovey Dooveys with friends

The ball drops to 2007!

Toasting in the New Year with friends!

To bed at 1:45 a.m.

Ready to Party at 6:15 p.m.!

A totally silly, vampy pose, but I am in a silly mood tonight!

A Day in the life of . . . MOI! 9:00 - 5:30 p.m.

9:00 Go to Suburban Christian Church in the fog





12:30 George taught the 9:30 and 11:00 a.m. Sunday School classes on the State of World Missions. He is talking to his former discipler, Phil. (another reason we switched to this church!)





1:15 Traditional Stop at "Coffee Culture" for one Latte, one Steamer, and two fruit smoothies.






2:00 - 3:15 Elliptical Cardio at Timberhill. If you click on the picture, and scroll down a bit, you see an enlarge view of me in the window taking the picture.





3:30 p.m. A totally unflattering picture of me doing my Core workout on a stability ball.









4:00 - 5:30 Answer emails, reveiw news websites, post my end of the year answers on forum, and download pictures on to the computer to post this blog entry!



ACK! I have to go and take a shower for dinner and party! 5:30 - 9:00 a.m. tomorrow still to come!

Candlelight Dinner for Teala

Teala turned 48 today, and I had a small and intimate dinner party with four of her close friends. It was a lovely time. George was so sweet to cook all the food. We cleaned up yesterday, and it ended up being a really relaxed time of getting ready for it. The boys were gone for about five hours to watch the Beaver game at the H's. So, we worked on our respective projects (scrapbooking for me and paper for publication for George) and watched the Beaver game (I listened more than watched). It was a very nice time all the way around.

I cried for the Beavers and am very happy for them in every way.

I am still evaluating some things these days. I am still blown away at the kindness of so many people around me. I am so blessed.

Saddaam H. was hanged today. It was an strange thing to have a dinner party and go in to see George in the bedroom and have him tell me that.

Today had all the ingredients for a great day

1. Good night's sleep
2. Good quality time with George in the morning
3. Cleaned the whole house as a family - boys downstairs and George and I did the upstairs
4. Did four loads of laundry
5. Scrapbooked and had great friend-to-friend with Kim as we did it. She validates me! There is nothing like face-to-face time with a good friend. It beats the phone or email any day of the week.
6. Walk with George as the sun set over Glen Eden . . . ahhhhhhhhhh.
7. News
8. Being here resting
9. Chocolate!
   
   I love being on vacation.

Vacation!

Ahhhh.....I had my workout clothes all placed out on the floor at the end of my bed ready for a 5:30 a.m. blast off to the Group Power class. I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and thought I would sleep a bit longer.

I reawakened at 5:38 a.m., and it was too late.

So, I thought, "I can go to the 9:20 a.m. class!" Well, I am glad I checked the schedule this morning because they changed it, and there isn't another class until 7:30 tonight.

So, the sun is shining, and George and I are going for a walk. Plan B always has a silver lining.

Still feeling somewhat squishy about things that happened last week. Don't know what I am going to do about it, but I am going to just take it one day at a time. I am still sort of sad about all the fast changes. George also reminded me of something that I had forgotten I had said that has made me wonder whether I should make a change. I am just listening and waiting.

Today, George will do Dial-A-Book and take the boys to music lessons so that I can work on my scrapbooks. He will also go to the bank and deposit all the Christmas checks. We were so very blessed this year.

First is the walk though. We have a big stretch of sunshine this morning, and I want to seize it before the next wave of rain comes in!

Christmas Day . . . Santa Got SMASHED!

I really love my dh's family! I was feeling a bit tired and still a bit sick, but the five hours we spent with his family just picked me up and encouraged me like no other.



Yummy things to eat and fun people to greet!

Great kids to share in the fun.

Making ice cream in the ball and playing catch with it!

Aunt Dot wins a 4 lb Chocolate Santa that we divide up between us by smashing Santa!

What a great time! I really loved the "pick me up"!

Merry Christmas!

Well, Paul hardly slept at all, and he really wanted to get up. I heard him going up and down the stairs at about 4 a.m.!

After we were all done opening gifts, he said that the whole Christmas was perfect except for not being able to have the Cowden Christmas Party.

We had a great low-key season, and I never "dipped" because of the holiday. I did dip because of the TDS thing and M asking me about the future with M. That made me sad to have to dredge all of that stuff up again in my heart, but Christmas was so wonderful. I had a great time in every way.

Paul was a little disappointed when he got another version of Roller Coaster Tycoon, but I assured him that it was the latest and best model. Then he felt bad for being disappointed and kept looking at me to make sure I was OK. Poor guy. I'm OK! I think he is fine now. He installed it and thought it looked really neat.

George got a book from one of the boys in the boys' group called Better Dads, Stronger Sons by Rick Johnson. This list called "Mistakes All Dads Make" made me realize what a great dad George is to his sons!

1. Emphasize weaknesses, not strengths


2. Avoiding physical affection


3. Giving too little time


4. Pushing for performance


5. Forgetting to have fun


6. Fearing failure


7. Abusing your power


8. Neglecting your need for friendships


9. Being inconsistent


10. Being complacent and passive

George just came back and read me the final exhortation in the whole book. He thought it was a good one:

"In closing this book, let me summarize my counsel about raising your son to nobility with one sentence: remember to tell your boy you love him and are proud of him, to pray for him, to spend time with him, and to love his mother. That's the best advice."

And their dad has done all these things and more!