Tuesday Morning Examen

This is my Examen for yesterday, Monday, January 20.

Martin's Message: This is the second week of ordinary time. A measure of calm after the holidays. :) Simple days. Can you accept the gift of calm? 

YES, I CAN! I welcome the gift of calm!

Grateful for:
1) Sister Joan - I knew her listening ear would be a big stepping stone in my healing, and I was right. What wisdom and insight her almost 80 years have given her. 
2) Friends - Nancy was so sweet to call and listen and reflect yesterday. George is the best friend. He did warfare prayer for me.
3) Mt. Angel Abbey - Peaceful place for me to go to and reflect. 
4) An unexpected free day to do the above. 

Morning - Calm. Meditating on verses that are part of my Belovedness. Finished Psalm 27 meditation. So good. Texted with George. He had been praying. So grateful for him. I also went back and forth with Michelle in Marco Polo over many things. We are going to read a book together. I just love her and miss her in the cohort.

Later Morning - I finally got a hold of Sister Joan. I couldn't meet in the morning on Saturday after all. I wanted to meet in the afternoon, but she really sensed that we would need time, and Saturday afternoon would not work with an evening engagement. She was willing to meet that day in 1 1/2 hours. 

Mid Day - Drove up to Mt. Angel. I talked to Nan most of the way. More reflection and helping me process. Realize much of the unexpected low was being triggered by the talk after the Memorial Service. Good to pinpoint that. Nancy also could give me perspective from her family situation. When I was almost at the Abbey, I got a call from the author of the book I am reading. She had some quick tips. She is an empath also. She understands why this has been so hard. The one thing she told me to do was so powerful. WOW! She said we could talk more. I must finish her book and glean more. A book that has been on my shelf for years, and I have never read it! (Because I thought people like this were out of life, but I guess not.) 

Afternoon - I walked around the grounds of the Abbey and went to the church before my appointment. Then I had two and a half hours with sensible, sweet, Sister Joan. SO HELPFUL! She is so wise. That is what 80 years does for you. I feel like I have some skills for moving past little funks. My 44-hour funk was lifted as we processed and prayed. So grateful! When I said "eviscerated," she challenged that with a question, "What was taken away?" When I asked her to explain, she said when you do that to a fish, the guts are taken away. I had to answer honestly that nothing was taken away. Absolutely nothing! I am still ALL here. My guts are all intact. Lightbulb. 

Evening - Ate dinner (had forgotten to eat the whole day because of my "funk 44") and enjoyed my shows. 

Later Evening - I probably stayed up too late, but I loved my evening. I felt so peaceful. I have more tools and feel like a corner has been turned. 

Regret - I confess the FEAR that has kept me from being who God made me to be. Confess not accepting who I am to conform to the expectations of another. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I embrace that. 

DEEP BREATH

Something especially meaningful - Lord God, I am SO GRATEFUL for the relationship that I have had with Sister Joan over the last 21 years (I think I met her after I came back from Malaysia). She has been more influential in the last ten as I have gone to her for direction periodically. I knew she would be helpful for this particular situation as she helped me so much with a somewhat similar (but much less severe and all resolved now) situation in the summer of 2016.  I am so grateful for spiritual direction. She is the one who helped me on this wonderful path of spiritual direction that I am now on too. It is wonderful that the author of the book I am reading said how much she loves Sister Joan too. I knew that Sister Joan had recommended the book to me, but I didn't know that they knew each other! So, my 2 1/2 hours of sanity with Sister Joan wiped away, for good, the 2 1/2 hours of insanity that I experienced. I have some tools for getting back on track too. 

Lord, what do you want me to know about yesterday? She is part of my provision: Cammie, Fran, Mike, Carol, Lorraine (in heaven), Roxanne are all older and wiser mentors. Gifts to you. 

I get by with a little help from my friends. So many who have come alongside me this past month to sort things through. It was good that I asked for prayer also. 

I was not eviscerated after all (but I still think it is a cool word).  I am still ALL here. :) Nothing shall separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus. 

YAY!