Sunday Morning Freewrite

In honor of my mom's 93rd birthday this week. This was the last birthday we spent with her. It was her 80th. 

I started a freewrite yesterday but not sure what happened. I never finished it. I woke up super early yesterday, and it was a review day in the Spiritual Exercises. George had inadvertently brought my journal to work/his mom's for the week so I wrote in a notebook from Tuesday through Friday. So, I spent much of Saturday morning copying the graces I received into my journal. What a powerful exercise (and review is something Ignatius strongly encouraged)! I am still healing. I know that. It will take some time. 

I think that is why when we went to a memorial a few hours later, at the reception, there was this really weird interaction with an acquaintance. I walked out and asked very carefully of George, "What did you think of that interaction?" He had exactly the same feeling: strange and almost hostile. What on earth was wrong with that person? Why were they reacting in such a strange manner to the polite conversation? George proposed his theory, and I stewed all the way home. What did I do wrong? Did I say something offensive? George can brush those kinds of things off, and I cannot. My heart hurts. I have always had positive interactions with this person in the past, but this was such an odd conversation. Granted, I do not know the person very well. So, this may be another side that I have never seen. 

It was a weird ride home, and I know some of it has to do with what has happened to me. It will be a month ago this coming Thursday, and I am, for the most part, doing really well, but I am doubting myself, doubting my ability to relate to people. 

I think the whole reception at the memorial was interesting to see what I do. As a Type Two, I SCAN and ASSESS the room and then I MOVE TOWARDS people. I long for AUTHENTIC CONNECTION and LOVE exchanged between people. It is hard when that doesn't happen. 

George got up, and we talked about it some more. He is a Type Nine. His nature is just to go away. So he would have been happy to just leave after the ice cream. :) 

All that said, the rest of the evening really was lovely. I am not feeling really well. George watched Sanditon, and I fell asleep and waited until he watched the ending. Then we talked about it. I loved that series. Not sure that Austen would have approved of the ending. (It was a novel she did not finish before she died.)

Then we watched the first episode of Howard's End. How fun! 

Well, I think my time is almost out.