A Note on My Freewrites

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

I had intentions of writing more freewrites on here this year, but I found that if I do private "Morning Pages" a la The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, I can be totally transparent about what is going on. Most of the time, I have NOTHING to hide, and for the most part, I am pretty transparent, but I sometimes want to mention people in my writing, and I always feel like I have to edit for THEIR privacy. So, it is easier for me to write out in a private format. 

I have been writing about 1000 words a day this July, and it has been really healthy for me! 

I will still write Freewrites here occasionally (how long have I done these - 25 years?), but I am writing most of the time privately. 

The Death and Life of Great American Cities (1000 Brooks to Read)

Here is my comment about Jane Jacobs in my review of The Power Broker: Volume 2 & 3. I didn't realize there was a book by her in my list! I would have read them concurrently and not four years apart! 

She was the mover and shaker behind Robert Moses' development in New York. She was a hero. I was excited, but this book is REALLY TEDIOUS to get through. The initial excitement and insight into community at the beginning was quelled by too many details and outdated data toward the end. Life's too short. I would not recommend it. 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Jul 28, 2018

Published in 1961, The Death and Life of Great American Cities would prove to be one of the most influential books on urban planning and policy ever written. Just as important for readers, its author’s powers of perception are allied to considerable literary gifts, and so its pages are animated with descriptions of city life as vivid as any ever penned. Moreover, the book’s influence has extended far beyond the strictly urban beat, for Jacobs’s insights into the way cities work—from the uses of sidewalks to the nature and nurture of neighborhoods—have much to tell us about the way we live networked lives.

April 1865 (1000 Books to Read)

This was riveting! I loved how he wove history with biographies of the major players in the Civil War. Highly recommend! 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Aug 2, 2018

As Jay Winik sees it (and as you are likely to see it, too, once you’ve reached the end of his gripping narrative history), April 1865 was “a month that could have unraveled the American nation. Instead, it saved it.” The darkest moment in its calendar of crises was the death of Abraham Lincoln. Since no president had ever been assassinated, there had never been a transfer of presidential power under such precarious circumstances. Further complicating the situation was the fact that the new chief executive, former Vice President Andrew Johnson, had a reputation as a drunkard; he had been so little regarded by Lincoln that the two had met only once since their inaugurations nearly six weeks earlier. There was also General Robert E. Lee’s surrender at Appomattox to Union General Ulysses S. Grant as well as Grant’s remarkably generous treatment of the defeated foe. In short, these thirty days—“marked by tumult and bloodshed, heroism and desperation, freedom and defeat, military prowess and diplomatic magnanimity, jubilation and sorrow, and, finally, by individual and national agony and joy”—provide material as weighty as any writer could wish, and Winik does it justice in his engrossing and richly detailed work.

What I am Called to Be in 150 Words: How did Copilot know?

Yesterday, I typed into Copilot (Microsoft's version of ChatGPT):  a 150-word statement of what I am called to be, and this was the result:

I am called to be a vessel of God’s presence—anchored in love, shaped by grace, and led by the quiet voice of the Spirit. I am called to live with intention and depth, cultivating a life that listens more than it speaks, that seeks communion over control. My calling is to embody the contemplative path: to be still enough to hear God’s heartbeat and bold enough to act from that sacred center. I am called to create spaces where others feel seen, known, and invited into deeper relationship—with God, with themselves, and with one another. Through leadership rooted in vulnerability and faithfulness, I am called to nurture spiritual community, to walk alongside others as they awaken to their belovedness and purpose. I am called to be a bridge between silence and service, prayer and presence—leaving behind not just accomplishments, but a legacy of love that echoes into generations.

How did it know to type that without me putting in clues of what I feel called to? Does it know what I have typed in my Word Processor? Does it find my blog and scan it instantly? Does it listen in on my conversations?

That's freaky to me, but those 150 words are spot on? I am shocked!

Little, Big (1000 Books to Read)

This book was so confusing, going back and forth between characters at different times. I found it really hard to follow and had to look on Wikipedia to follow the characters. Not a fan of this book. It seems like a fairy tale, but it is an ADULT one! 

Also, the narrator would mispronounce the simplest of words. "Grimaced" and "panting" were two words he had no idea how to pronounce!

By the way, for those who read this and think that listening to audiobooks is not "really" reading. My husband sent this interview to me yesterday. I have had more than one person tell me I wasn't really a reader because I walk and listen to books. So here is the proof that you are incorrect:

 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Aug 11, 2018

In its purest form, storytelling is a means of enchanting experience. Under a story’s spell, the ineffable emanations of life—the secrets we carry within us but that are never quite revealed to the world in the comings and goings of everyday reality—are summoned into an almost palpable existence. Rare is the novel that taps this clear spring of imagination, but John Crowley’s 1981 fantasy, Little, Big, is one that does. A willing suspension of disbelief and the author’s winsome gifts for words and wonder will soon have you spellbound (Carol's note: NOPE. Soon had me confused). Playful and capacious, Little, Big is a fey and fateful fable of what it means for an individual to find a place in the larger world.

Spiritual Formation: Following the Movements of the Spirit

This is a beautiful book. Like Spiritual Direction, it is a compilation of different articles and talks he gave on the title subject and put together by Christensen and Laird. 

I listened to the audiobook, but the print book has color inserts of the art he describes for Visio Divina! I love this book because it has so many hands-on formation practices following each writing. 

Wide Sargasso Sea (1000 Books to Read)

I read Jane Eyre maybe 20 years ago (#2 of my favorite books). Don't read this review if you have never read it and were planning on it. It will spoil Jane Eyre for you!

I have always wanted to read this "prequel" by another author at a much later time in history. Unlike the book written as a sequel to Les Misérables (#1 of my favorite books, and I wanted to throw it across the room), this was a satisfying read that gives background to the major plot twist in Jane Eyre. Again, don't read anymore if you ever want to read Bronte's classic.

It was well-written, I did wonder why Mr. Rochester wanted to call her Bertha. Yes, I can understand for continuity with Jane Eyre, but why not call her that from the start.

Madness - mental illness - is it nature or nurture? That is the question in this story. This woman experienced a lot of trauma. Some may go mad from this. 

This would make such a great movie, but I don't think one has ever been made because you wouldn't want to have people watch it before they watched Jane Eyre! 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Jul 30, 2018

In Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre, the revelation of the existence of Bertha Mason, the first wife of Edward Rochester (the man Jane is about to marry), exposes Rochester’s duplicity, disrupting his bigamous wedding to Brontë’s heroine. The madwoman in the attic plays a larger role in the novel’s plot—but that’s another story. This story, Wide Sargasso Sea, imagines the early life of Brontë’s strange, benighted character, detailing her childhood and adolescence in the West Indies and tracing her tragic progress to her ultimate confinement in Rochester’s Thornfield Hall. Far from the monster Rochester loathes and Jane describes with fascinated horror, Rhys’s Bertha (known as Antoinette Crossway for most of Wide Sargasso Sea) is a sympathetic, tender, poignant figure. There but for the grace of God, the reader can’t help but think, goes Jane. If Jane Eyre is the most brooding and beautiful of romantic ballads, lushly orchestrated and achingly sung, Rhys’s compact and haunting tale is like a jazz improvisation on the same melody and themes: edgy, exploratory, startling, and unforgettable.

Freewrite Forty

I'm breaking all sorts of "Morning Pages" rules. 

1. It isn't the morning. It is 1:32 pm
2. I am not writing but typing
3. I am writing on a public blog
4. I am not doing three notebook size pages, but I am doing it by time (in the past 3 pages took about forty minutes)

But I am making the rules today. I might even freewrite every day this July. It is hard to believe that a year ago, I was leaving for the Great Lakes in four days. I was finishing up the 2HC and then hustling to get ready for that adventure.

So, there is no adventure around the corner for me (oh, and I was desperately trying to get a back doctor's appointment to straighten out my back before I went on the trip - it weirdly went out during the last retreat with the 2HC, and I had had NO problems for 10 months - sadly, it didn't straighten out, and I had to be careful the whole trip, but I still managed to hike and kayak.)

I decided that TODAY, I would REST. I had a big day e-Mountain biking Saturday. Monday was all day kayaking, and yesterday, I made the dumb decision to bike all the way to Crystal Lake in the HOT sun without water. Then, I got off my bike and met with G, but I had forgotten my keys to lock my bike, so I walked with her for another 4 miles with the bike until we got the bright idea to leave my bike at her house, get some water, and walk back to her car. She rode me back to my bike, and then, it was REALLY hot! I had to stop four or five times under the shade of a tree. Thankfully, G loaned me a water bottle and water, but I finished my water by the third time, and I had the last 1 or 1 1/2 miles to get home. I rest under shade and trudged home. Note to self: if it is going to be the middle of the day and above 85 degrees, don't ride your bike, and especially do not ride your bike and forget a big water bottle AND a back up bottle! My goodness.

So, needless to say, I am resting today. Yes, I did walk twice and enough for 7,000+ steps, but that was in the earlier morning. Since then, I have been in my Deck Sanctuary reading four different books (oh, maybe five - lol!) 

Sometimes, I get bored with the book I am reading, and I like switching to another one. This is my stack.

And then two audiobook. One is about Boris Pasternak and the real life Lara from the book Doctor Zhivago, that I read last week. The other is SO DEAR: Spiritual Formation by Henri Nouwen. I am eating it up. I just love what he says. I am glad I have his Spiritual Direction book in the spiritual direction training I will be doing. 

Oh, speaking of spiritual direction training. I don't even know if anyone reads this blog anymore (I don't write these book reviews and freewrites for any particular audience), but I might put all the things I am offering in the fall, and then I will see who bites. :) Next post, I promise.

Another little delightful thing is that this woman from my church that I have heard so many great things about reached out to me, and she has heard great things about me. So, she wants to "get my perspective on some things and share some of her own."  It should be fun and INDIAN food to boot. Win-Win.

I am looking forward to my "real" break from July 11-31. I am going to try to stick to it as best I can. Part of that will be Heba and her family here at the beginning, and Debbie here at the end. In between will be a family getaway to the coast, our 35th wedding anniversary (still on the honeymoon!), and my 66th birthday (Addendum after publishing: I forgot that in between will also be M & B visiting from the Middle East and N visiting from Central Asia). I am looking forward to the break in many ways. I will be done with this reading from 1000 Books to Read Before You Die list, and then I am going to just read as the Spirit leads me. I might read books from the list, but I am at 500+ books, and I will just read if I want to. 

Oh, and another great thing that happened yesterday. The Indian Fever BEAT the Minnesota Lynx for the Commissioner's Cup Championship. No one saw that one coming. And they did it without Caitlyn Clark. Amazing. 

I am getting a bit hot out on the deck now, and someone just started using a power tool. It has been an amazingly quiet day so far, and that is very unusual for my neighborhood! 

I think I will end a bit early and go inside and read some more in there. 

Ta Ta for now. 

Freewrite Fifteen: Circling the Eddy

I am going for a walk with Gretchen at 11:40 and just finished up a spiritual direction appointment with someone a few minutes ago. I think I will ride my bike to our meeting place. I can do this freewrite in 15 and get dressed and bike over there in time to be there by 11:40.

Yesterday, N and I went kayaking down the Santiam. I have always wanted to go on that river, and it was fun, except that I got caught up in an eddy, and it dumped me over. In 20 years of kayaking, I've never even come close to dumping! So weird. I approached it correctly (I just watched a YouTube video that tells me the angle), but it quickly turned my boat sideways and dumped me over. It was comical how N had to come and wrap her leg around my paddle and we floated down until I could reach the bottom of the river with my feet and could walk my upside down boat to the sandbar on the other side. I think I should have just gone on the shallow side of the river near the sandbar instead of approaching the eddy. I am thankful that I was wearing my life jacket. It would have been OK without one because I am a strong swimmer (Southern California beach girl here - been pulled under the water and waves too many times to count.), but I'm glad I did regardless. 

All that to say is that I told my directee what happened, and God used it a a metaphor for when we are in a shame "eddy" circle and we get pulled under. God's question for my directee was "What is your process for connecting with God rather than getting pulled under and into the shame eddy?" What is your life jacket? 

We talked about speaking up and not feeling shame for doing that too. I always learn so much from interaction with my directees.

The only loss in getting dump out of my kayak was one of my Hawaiian sandals was dumped into the river. It made it hard to stand on the rocks on the sandbar and dump out the water and such, but N helped, and we were on our way. That was the only loss other than my sunscreen lip protector (almost empty anyway). What was so cool was I was going on about 1/4 mile and went right by a brown thing in the water. I looked down and thought, "What is that?" It was my other SANDAL!!!! It was caught in a small eddy downriver! How cool is that?

We also went up the Lukiamute River against the current, but it was so calm compared to the Santiam. I realized I have only kayaked the Willamette, and it is so safe and easy to navigate comparatively. 

We were trying to get to the red pin on
the map as we went up the Lukiamute,
but we realized it would be too far to go.
We were due at the Buena Vista Ferry dock at 3 pm,
and it was already 2:10. So, we turned back
around at the blue dot. 

So that was two adventures with N - e-Mountain biking in the Paul Dunn on Saturday and down the Santiam on Monday. I loved it, and it was nice to spend time with N after six months of not even seeing each other face to face. 

Ta Ta for Now. Off to walk with G by the Willamette.