Saturday Seven Freewrite

I am doing a short seven-minute freewrite today. I want to get to some little projects that I am much better at completing in the morning. This is my prime-time of day. 

I like the Reimagining the Examen app. It has different subjects to pray through and examine. Today, it was on "a relationship," bringing that relationship before God, examining your feelings about the relationship, what God wants to tell you about it, talking to God about your hopes and desires for the relationship. I had a very good time, and God reminded me of Ps 131:1-3:

O LORD, my heart is not proud,

Nor my eyes haughty;

Nor do I involve myself in great matters,

Or in things too difficult for me.

Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;

Like a weaned child rests against his mother,

My soul is like a weaned child within me.

O Israel (Carol), hope in the LORD

From this time forth and forever.

So much of life and relationships is putting hope in God rather than the other person. It is also about walking humbly with God when we are in relationships that are difficult. We can have desires and dreams for that relationship, but we cannot pin our hopes on it. In this particular relationship, I really have composed and quieted my soul. It is interesting because I thought about another relationship, where several years ago, I had to let it go. That person was too difficult for me. There was no conflict, but that person was a complicated person. I delegated relating to that person to my husband, and he even thought the person way too complicated, and he gets along with everyone. This validated what had been unspoken for almost twenty years. Some people are just so complicated, and the issues are so deep, that it is not about you. So with this other relationship. As much as I have desires that it would be better (there is not even any conflict - just a desire to not engage), I think it is a matter too difficult for me. Mental illness is not something to touch because one inevitably gets burned. So I have left it in his hands. 

 

 

 

 

Friday Fifteen Freewrite

Just a reminder that a Freewrite is where I set the timer for a predetermined time (most of the time it is fifteen), and I type away with no particular agenda. I try to do this regularly. More recently, I have done it every day but one day since November 22. I also did a freewrite blog of my time in Europe from November 11-20. So, I have been on a roll for over a month now. WOOHOO! It has been fun. 

Yesterday was so good. I have LOVED doing Ignatian Contemplation on the narratives in the gospels leading to the birth of Christ. I have loved going through the guide I wrote for the Exercises. Even if I am the only one who benefits from these, I love going through it. 

I got up early with candle burning to meditate on Mary visiting Elizabeth. LOVE! I have also really enjoyed the Advent contemplations in the Pray as You Go app and will include the text in my guide now. The music they pick for these are so awesome.

After this, I needed to run some errand before going to tea with Dee. So I took P to his urine test on the other side of town while I ran errands. The wait for P was so long, but he got out of there in time for me to make it on the road to Hillsboro for tea. I debated about finishing my Chernobyl book or starting Killers of the Flower Moon. I chose Killers, and I was not disappointed. See my review. Such a good book! I got through five hours of it while I was driving up there and back and to Missional Community.

Tea with Dee was superb. We have wanted to do their Christmas teas for years. It was no different from their regular teas though. I loved how special Mrs. B's Teas and Lisa's Tea Room did it. This was just regular tea with a few Christmas decorations in the room. But their teas are really good. We had Apricot Peach black tea and Pomegranate Hibiscus. I bought both to take home with me. I so enjoy being with Dee. She is so other-centered and great to talk to. There is a maturity in her that I find in few people. 

I drove back in the dark which is not my favorite way to travel, but the book had me riveted. I came back. I did some editing on my book and went off to the missional community. I decided to play the Ignatian contemplation about Joseph's dream for them, and it led to some deeper discussion. 

After this, I tried to watch something (I cannot even remember what it was), but I fell asleep!

I finished up Killers of the Flower Moon this morning and started Slay. This is a very different book but enjoyable. 

Now, I will get back to book editing which I plan to do for the rest of the day until Dee comes with the girls for dancing to "Feliz Navidad" and decorating Gingerbread Houses. Fun to be had. Oh, I also have some gift wrapping to do. A couple things are coming today on Amazon shipping day (I know, feeding the beast). 

I am so good with the change in our Christmas plan brought on by one family member's desire to have it the way that person wants it. I am good with that. I am flexible. I love the way it is turning out. 

130. Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI

There are no words.

What an amazing book. I could not put it down! It gripped me from the get-go. It is an appalling story of greed, power, and prejudice with twists and turns you will not believe. 

I came away so sad that there could be such abuse. I came away so mad that there could be such abuse. 

This is a five-star book. I highly recommend it. What I particularly loved about the audiobook is the three different voices. The first is a woman voicing a third-person narrative,  I assume it is to reflect the voice of the Osage Indian, Molly Burkhart. Her story will absolutely break your heart. The second voice is to emulate the voice of a detective with the pre-FBI. The hero here is Tom White. The last voice, I assume, is the voice of the author in a first-person narrative of what he uncovered many years later. The plot thickens. It is meticulously researched. 

Here is the blog of the author:

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/osage-murders-photos-killers-of-flower-moon 

This is an amazing story that needs to be told for our generation. 

Thursday Thirteen Freewrite

After three straight days of nothing really pressing on my calendar other than my Enneagram of the Higher Mind class (which I almost forgot to go to), I have Tea with Dee in Hillsboro! We have wanted to do their Christmas tea for years, and they had an opening which is a miracle!

It means an extra trip up and back instead of me being their already, but I don't mind. I will just listen to an audiobook and enjoy the ride. 

We also have missional community, but I might just stay up there and go back to Newberg to be with George's mom instead. I have not decided, or rather we have not decided. 

This week has been lovely meditating on the Incarnation, Annunciation, Mary's visit to Elizabeth, and Joseph's dream. It has coincided with the Pray as You Go readings. They have even done two Imaginary Contemplations which is lovely. 

I have had this weird smell in the kitchen. So I have worked feverishly to eradicate it. I cleaned the refrigerator on Tuesday and the freezer on Wednesday. I have checked every cupboard. I think it was a smell from the freezer. I am not sure, but it might have been the frozen yogurt that Josh brought. It expired in July. Most frozen things don't smell though. It has driven me crazy since last Saturday. So I am hoping that was it. Paul also pulled the refrigerator out and I cleaned behind it thinking that some food maybe went bad, but there was not anything back there. 

I am in my spiritual direction room right now. More and more, I am spending my time with God here. I enjoy it. I also enjoy being out in my living room having it by the light of the Christmas tree. 

Paul is starting to stir. He has a drug test for the job he is probably getting. I thought he was a "finalist" but had not landed the job yet, but it seems as if they are asking for a drug test that he probably got the job. YAY! Half of my Christmas present has been given. Now a job for Michael is all I want for Christmas! 

I got very nice responses from both Jenna and Hayley for our Christmas gifts to charities this year. They are sweet girls. I wish I could see them more. I cannot believe that Jenna is 32 and Hayley is 29 though. What happened? Now I need to track down Mitchell to send him a gift. I am not sure if he has an address. 

Well, I am going to end this early because I want to do somethings before I hop in the shower. I don't know if I will see George if I go to Hillsboro today. This makes me sad! 

BYE! 

129. Voices from Chernobyl

Paul said, "Not a very cheery read right before Christmas, Mom." So true. This is NOT an easy read, but it is an important one. These are first-hand accounts from "Chernobylites." It breaks your heart.

Many blindly followed the call to go and help with disastrous consequences for them and their children. Radiation kills. The monologues give insight into the Slavic mindset that is very fatalist. It also gives insight into the mindset of the commitment of many to the call of their government that did little to protect them.

This is an important but difficult read. It will break your heart.  

128. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Oh my! I cannot believe this has not been on my other "must-read" lists? It is excellent. I was mesmerized from beginning to end. 

This is a dystopian novel. It is so beautifully written. I found an interesting comment about what Bradbury thought his book was about:

"Ray Bradbury stated in a lecture (at UCLA) that his novel 'Fahrenheit 451' wasn't about censorship. He made it clear that the theme of his book IS about the role of mass media and its effect on the populace. Basically he believed the old "idiot box" makes people less capable of assimilating complex information. Popular opinion dictated that 'Fahrenheit 451' is about censorship because Bradbury wrote the book during an era of actual book burnings. For example: During a college lecture on his novel, when he presented the truth of the book's theme to an auditorium full of students, he was stopped in his tracks by someone loudly exclaiming "No! It's about censorship!". After regaining his composure, Bradbury then tried to correct the student by holding up his novel and pointing to his name on the cover. Others chimed in quickly and consensus agreed that the novel was about censorship. Bradbury was so angered by the students that he stormed out and vowed he'd never give another lecture on it again." (jegd-847-631407 at IMBD.com)

This book is so relevant for today. I highly recommend it. It really is a masterpiece of fiction.

Wednesday Freewrite

I am having such a God moment right now. I am drinking it in. I am breathing deeply. God is SO good. After listening to the Reuters TV blurb played to me every morning, it is good to return to the serenity that my time in the Exercises brought me this morning. "DO NOT BE AFRAID" to Joseph in a dream. I skipped ahead a day because the Pray as You Go app had it as the meditation for today, and she leads you through a specific Ignatian contemplation that was pretty spectacular. 

So, back to the peace. "DO NOT BE AFRAID!" I was led back to a feeling of real dread that I felt as I was drifting off to sleep last night. I gave it to God and had a restful night of sleep. My dreams were calm (even though I cannot remember what I dreamed). So I think I really did let it go, but I was reminded of this when the angel said to Joseph, "DO NOT BE AFRAID." So, I gave it again. It is hard to trust when it is someone else you are trusting God for. They have choices. But I can only live my life and not another's. 

It can be fearful to think of what is happening in our country today about impeachment. But I go back to "DO NOT BE AFRAID," and I really am at peace. God is in control. I can certainly pray.

It makes me afraid that I might not see D. She is here for the holidays, but the day she wants to come and spend the night is the day and night that I have something for most of the day. I was afraid to say, "Hey, can you come on another day?" because all of my days surrounding that day are totally free, and I was so looking forward to doing what I was going to do on that day, but she is on vacation and can probably flex. So I ask for an alternative from her. The old me would drop everything, but the new me tries not to be afraid to ask for an alternative. I know most people would not struggle with this, but if people only knew the inner turmoil I feel when I think I might be letting someone down or making them feel like they are not important to me. 

Nan brought me cranberry, lemon biscotti delivered to my door yesterday. YUM.

I really loved the music that was played during my time with the Pray as You Go people. I must look it up and add it to my playlist. I have a whole playlist now that I have learned from that app. 

I have 3:50 left on my timer. Today I want to:

• Spend time finding out what that smell is in the kitchen! I have looked all over for it and totally cleaned the fridge, and there is still a smell. 
• Spend time rewriting this week's Exercises. I have some updates I want to add. I also want to write the condensed version for the 18th annotation. 
• Give to Examen with Father James Martin. I love that podcast, and I need to donate before the year is out. 
• Walk in the fog and listen to Fahrenheit 451. I fell asleep during key parts (the sleep timer did not work, and it kept playing), and I had to start over because I was lost. I don't mind. What a powerful book. Why have I never read it before? I know I read something by him in the past, but I don't remember what the name is. 

The sun is coming up now. I will go get dressed and out the door for a walk. 

Light has come into the world. I am rejoicing about Him right now. 

God moment. 

(What happened to my Grammarly? It has disappeared on this blog. I loved having that aid to my writing.)

127. Doors Into Prayer: An Invitation

 

This is the second book in the Renovare Book Club. I did not mean to finish it in one sitting, but it is a very short book. I will spend the rest of the time doing the exercises at the end.

It is a simple book with short vignettes about prayer. Even though it is very basic, I still found it very sweet. 

126. Slaves in the Family

I was so delighted that this non-fiction book came up on my 1000 Books To Read Before You Die list at the same time I was reading The Invention of Wings! He even mentions the real Grimke sisters, who are the main characters in The Invention of Wings in this book. Edward Ball's ancestors were even from the same town, Charleston, South Carolina. That was a nice connection and accidental that they would overlap in the subject matter.

This book is a big commitment of time, but I love how meticulously the author researched his ancestry and found ancestors and descendants from the slaves of his family's plantation. It is a worthwhile read. Slavery was is a terrible blight on our nation, and this is an important book. 

Tuesday Twelve Freewrite

I am sort of bummed that I didn't do a freewrite on Sunday! I broke my streak. 

No worries. I got distracted. I had to write that Valentina was coming this Friday instead of next Wednesday. I swear that much of time is scheduling things on my calendar. :)

I found a new album to love: Advent at Ephesus

It is the same group of nuns that sing to me every morning, but I didn't know that they did an Advent album. YAY!

I meditated on Phil 2 today in connection with the Incarnation. So powerful. It came on the heels of someone on my Type Two Helper Facebook forum who said she was not recognized for something with her coworker, and she was really mad and bummed. I used to be like that. Now I just laugh. It happens to me, all the time, that someone else gets recognized for something that I did. Many times it is my husband who gets the credit, and we just laugh and say, "Well, we ARE one."  I don't care about things like that anymore. Look at Jesus, he humbled himself, leaving behind his lofty position to be born as a human being. He humbled Himself to the point of death. I think I can handle not be recognized for something, and it is God who highly exalted the Son. So I need to just let God highly exalt me. This led me to a drive out in the country with another friend on the team when I lamented that I was a bench sitter. She said, "Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you at the proper time." Pam Mark Hall's song about that verse came out loud and clear on her cassette tape player in the car (yes, pre-digital).

So there you go. What a great reminder of my PRIDE. I used to hate being humiliated, but now I just see it as God's way of making me follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Now, I get acknowledgment all the time (thinking of my conversation with a friend after my time with God this morning where she praised me up and down and every side), but I don't crave it or expect it. On the flip side, when people treat me disrespectfully and like I am nothing (this is rare, but there is one person who has done it for over 30 years), I can handle it. In fact, it does not bother me anymore. What has happened to me????

Monday Freewrite

I forgot to freewrite yesterday! My first time in (I think) three weeks. 

Here I go. The weekend was mellow. We decided not to go to the coast to stay at our friends' house. We really wanted to go, but we had already RSVPd to the only party we were going to go to this Christmas. So, I thought it would be rude not to go, and it ended up being a lovely party. It was also nice to have the whole day.

I spent time listening to Messiah and reading the Renovare Book Club Book for these two months. It is a simple book on prayer. It is nothing new, but I loved her little vignettes. I cannot remember the name, and I don't want to stop this freewrite.

I have so enjoyed the Pray as You Go advent readings. So great. 

On Sunday, I listened to the WHOLE Messiah again without stopping. The guys had gone shopping, and I decided that it would be great to just sit and soak. I LOVE it. It never gets tiring to listen to this. 

So, now I have the WHOLE Messiah Meditations edited. I have not done a run through since 2015. I am still praying about publishing it. I don't know the first thing about doing that though. I just have to wait on God though. 

I did have one frustrating thing. I went to change the font of my "Tools for Meditation and Study" handout, and it got all messed up. So I had to spend quite a bit of time reformatting it, but now I have a new handout. I edited it and added some things. I like it better. So, it ended up being great in the end. 

Also, Sunday's Advent Wreath time with the family was lovely. They all still get into it so much; even as adults! 

Oh, one thing about the party was that a friend was there who totally agreed with me about the relationship between the people in the book we read for our book club. I think I wrote here that I felt like what I said went over like a lead balloon. Well, she totally thought the same thing that I did. It was validating. 

The Exercises have been so lovely this time around. Since I am leading two people through the 19th annotation, I thought it important that I experience what they are experiencing. It never gets old for me though. Right now, I am meditating on the Annunciation and Incarnation. Today was Mary. I never get tired of reading her response to God, "Behold the bondslave of the LORD, be it done to me according to Your word." Amen! I want to have Mary's heart. We conversed about some lovely things. I am fasting and praying again today for some things I have been praying about forever. I have had such hope though. 

Today, I will meet with two directees. One has never done spiritual direction before. So I am giving her a taste of what it is like. I have discipled her in the past. I think it was from 2006-2009. Then she was also in a lighter version of our international training (2016-2017). It will be so nice to catch up with her since we do not go to the same church anymore. The other woman is one who has come several times. In fact, I met with her last week, but she has a lot of time off during the break. I like meeting with women. I usually just meet with one person a day. So we will see how I do meeting with two. 

I also want to get back to reading Slaves in the Family and Voices of Chernobyl. I also have a new one I am staring called Reading Your Story. 

I already spent time this morning getting the house all straightened up. I neglected things while I was preoccupied with editing. 

Saturday Sixteen Freewrite

I had one of my hyper-focused days yesterday. I had nothing on my calendar, my house is clean, and I only have to get one more Christmas gift. I did take an hour-long walk, but after my time in the Exercises this morning, I decided to start my Messiah Mediations, and I ended up spending the WHOLE day in it. 

That is just how I roll folks. LOL! George came home and said, "That does not surprise me in the least."

It was sort of fun to have a hyper-focused day. It seems like it has been a long time. I am still so surprised that I wrote a devotional through the entire Bible, but I write for growth. I think it has helped some people along the way too. YAY.

It was so lovely to read through it. I also corrected it as I went along. It was so good to read through all the Scripture of Messiah. It is really is my favorite piece of music. Paul did not realize this, but he woke up to it playing, and of course, he made fun of the melismas! 

It was a good day. I feel so full and free. I will listen again tomorrow. Once I start on that thing, I cannot stop.

We were invited to go to the coast for the weekend, but I had already accepted an invitation to a party. So we are going to go. I guess we were invited to one tonight too, but I forgot. 

Another great thing that happened is that P is a finalist for the job he interviewed for yesterday. YAY! I think it will be so good for him to work full-time. It is not his ultimate career goal, but it will be really healthy for him to work and possibly moving into parts of that place that are in his career path. 

Well, I really cannot believe I am doing at freewrite at 2am, but I was hyper-focused, remember?

I wish I could write and have someone else do all my corrections because I am just not that detail-oriented. 

So, tomorrow, I will shop for the last Christmas gift and get some Cinnamon rolls because yesterday was Santa Lucia Day! 

What was most life-giving today - Reading about and listening to Messiah. It was also fun to run into Sue while I was on my walk. I also am enjoying this book: Slaves in the Family, but I decided to send two of my books back since they didn't grab me. Oh, also Paul and the JOB! YAY! 

What was most deadening? Having to decide about whether to go to the coast or not. I really would have preferred the coast, actually, but I know it is just impolite to not go to a party once I have RSVP'd, and I know there will be lovely people there. So the party is not bad. It just would have been fun to be at the beach. 

I feel like it was a good God day! A reminder of why I do what I do. I love my life, and I am so happy my family is all together again this weekend! 

BYE!

Friday Fifteen Freewrite - Examen

Well, here we go. I am going to Freewrite through The Examen with Fr. James Martin, SJ. 

Let's review the past day.

Imagine yourself sitting with Jesus any way that will let you enter into God's presence. This is a conversation with God to look back over your day with God.

Two to three things from yesterday that you are grateful for:
1) Time with N in Spiritual Direction - I love her heart for you. Her vulnerability. She loves to achieve balance. She is SUCH a humble leader. I count it a privilege to meet with her. 

2) Helping P get out the door and walking and praying under a RAINBOW during his interview. My Examen from yesterday was to show love for N (#1 above) and P, and I think it was so great. I was able to say I needed to end my time with N at a certain time so I could just be there to encourage and pray. The rainbow was so awesome to behold. He had a really GOOD interview. It was much longer than any of the others. I love my guy. He was so chatty afterward, and we celebrated and got an early dinner at Burgerville. I love being his mom. 

Whole Day from Start to Finish - Notice where God has been. Where did you accept God's invitation to be loving, grateful, yourself, and where did you turn away from it. 

Getting Up - Drank tea and spent time in Isaiah 9. It was dark and then it got light. I loved it. Not rushed.  

Mid-Morning - Started doing editing of Exercises for Everyone. I am putting the Scriptures at the end because I want the subject for the week to be at the beginning right after the "grace sought." I also took out 2 Peter. It means so much to me, but I think it would confuse people. I had a long talk with George about my day before and also some options that have come up for this weekend. What to do?

It was raining cats and dogs so I decided not to go to IMG. I told N, and she said she was coming over now. I said SURE. Then she said she would come after grading at 11. Then she said, "You have not answered." I realized my watch was not transferring my texts. They went nowhere. I told her I had to be done before P interview, and she came right over. 

Mid Day - Such a good 2 hours with N in SD.

2pm Prayed over P. He asked to go over possible questions they might ask and how to answer them. So open. Seeking input. So on the verge of blossoming. I walked and prayed during his interview as I circled the place. I also listened to my book. The rainbow was so brilliant. Loved it! The interview went well. They even talked about the future that would include his degree. No one has said that in the other interviews he has had recently.  

3:15 Went to pick up a prescription and had an early dinner with P. 

4 Continued editing the Exercises. I watched some news and started a sappy Lifetime Christmas movie. (What is wrong with me?)

6:45 I was off to discuss a book. Expressing an opinion in a group situation is so hard for me. I enjoyed the conversation but groups like that are always hard for me when I am not leading the discussion. I always have that desired to go deeper with people, but I realize I cannot expect it with some groups. 

Things you regret? I regret making a comment in the group. It was not a bad comment. It was my opinion, but it fell like a lead balloon, and I could tell that they had not thought of it before. (My attempt at thinking a little more deeply about things. Some people do not want to do that. I know that from previous experiences with this group.) I don't even know if it was disagreed with. I just wish I had not said it. I felt empty afterward, but that is good for me. It is good for me to express opinions, have opinions. It is OK with me if people do not agree with them or do not want to think deeply about things. (The opinion was very innocuous - probably no one had a second-through about it, and it is OK if they did. People can disagree, and I need to be OK if they do.) I also found myself wanting to please the hostess of the group and felt uncomfortable by some of the "rules" of the house (walking on eggshells), but I let that go very quickly (acknowledging in my mind that they are probably a strong self-preservation Type One). People-pleasing is my drug of choice. I acknowledge that. 

Most meaningful? The two things above that I am most grateful for. I no what is life-giving to me: helping people fly. I am most in the center of your will, God, when I am functioning in this gift. N said she wanted to do the Exercises too. I have been praying for this. 

Give me the grace to see you today, God. 

Amen! 

125. Betsy-Tacy by Maud Hart Lovelace

After reading books about the Biafran (Nigerian Civil) War, Palestinian refugees, slavery in America, and the fallout of Chernobyl, I needed to take a break and read some innocent and fanciful children's literature! 

This story is about the beginning of a friendship between two little girls, Betsy and Tacy. In the end, they meet Tib who will be part of the next book! 

This is on the 1000 Books to Read Before You Die list. This is the reason why Mustich put the series on the list: 

Maud Hart Lovelace’s 1940s series, which chronicles the lifelong friendship of Betsy, a resourceful storyteller, and Tacy, the very bashful girl who moves in next door the summer before they enter the first grade, is set in friendly Minnesota. As they follow Betsy and Tacy and their friend Tib up and down hills, real and figurative, from elementary school through Betsy’s Wedding (1955), readers can share the shape and substance, the romance and circumstance, of growing up. “Betsy’s mother,” the author writes, “was a great believer in people having private corners,” and Lovelace’s lovely books allow children an inviting alcove of their own in which to measure their experience. 

Thursday Freewrite

Light - I ask you, God, to shed light on yesterday to see it through your eyes.

I love that my scripture reading for this morning started with 

"Those who walk in darkness 

Will see a great LIGHT. 

Those who walk in a dark land, 

The LIGHT will shine on them" (Isaiah 9:2)

Also, it is cool that after I read this at the beginning of the pulpit prayer last week. Then, Mike's sermon in Luke had this as a reference in it. 

Gratitude - Recalling two to three things I am grateful for:

1. My job as a volunteer at the library. I enjoy the library people and got to see Mary. I miss her. 
2. Dr. Myers doing deeper muscle work in my spine because I didn't have a presenting problem. 

Replay the Day and Pay Attention to Feelings - Where I sensed God's presence and where I did not.

6:45 Time in Pray as You Go and Exercise for Everyone. Meditating in Isaiah 40 two days in a row was so great. I loved dialoguing with God over this question, 

"What is God asking you to prepare the way for?" 

My answer was "Teach people to rest." I feel led to companion people in rest. The next day the Pray as You Go people said, "only in God can we truly rest in reference to "They run and do not grow weary" in Isaiah 40:31. I want people to feel the strengthening and renewing power of those words. Not running on our own power but God's.

I installed a new sound driver on my computer. I have been meaning to redo this forever because the sound output is too low and it does not silence when I plug in my headphones. Consequently, I cannot listen to things when I am in the library. 

8:20 Went Dr. Myers for an 8:45 appointment. (Tire pressure low warning came on 20 minutes away from home, but more about that later.) I thought about canceling the because I had no pain having massaged it out myself five days earlier.  I told him that I almost canceled, but he said it is good to have him work on me when I don't have pain so he can go deeper into the muscles. There is this one right in the center of my back that was really painful when he applied pressure. He worked it out and released it! YAY! There is great importance in working with the body center in giving me life. It is not all about the heart, Carol. That was life-giving.

9:45 On the way back, I stopped at Les Schwab Tire Center. George told me it is free to have them put air in your tire. Who knew? George always takes care of that.  The man (really a boy) said he wanted to have the tire checked for a nail, but it was a wait of 45 minutes. I went and did my Dial a Book deliveries in the meantime (all but the Conifer Book Club lady's bag) really quickly. K and G were not there, but dear C was there and was slow getting her book. I wished I weren't in such a rush. 

10:45 I got back just in time, but they were still not ready for me. So I left my car there and walked to the bank to deposit my check. (I OVERPAID on our property taxes!) I came back but the car was still not ready so I went to Coffee Culture to pick up K's Christmas gift card (she asked for this). I also got an Egg Nog Chai latte and had a pleasant convo with the barista. I love that place and must remember to go there more often. I used the gift card S & G gave me for my birthday. 

They were still working on the car. So I sat down and listened to The Invention of Wings book. I did not feel rushed or stressed about the possible flat tire. This is where the Exercises have made that subtle difference in how I approach each day. It really is a miracle that God has wrought. I suppose you would have to live in my brain to understand that. Time is important to me (that is where my Type One perfectionist wing comes out most often). It could have "set me back" in my day, but I did not have that attitude. 

11:45 Quickly rebooted my computer because of the sound card reinstall and gobbled down some lunch. 

12:00 The computer was still rebooting when my Enneagram of the Higher Mind class was starting so I had to use my phone. I decided to be bold and ask a question in the class (170 people were in the Zoom Meeting Room). Last time I took a class from him, I asked a question during every single class. This one has been somewhat over my head. So I have just listened and learned from other people's questions. My question was the first one he answered! It was so helpful. This class was all about doing the deeper work and not just learning about it all and going, "That is my personality type, and I will live with it." This is all about growing in virtue. I like that. Russ is so heavily influenced by Don Riso, the former Jesuit priest who he partnered with for years. I wish I could have known him before he died of pancreatic cancer. For the first time since I started this class (and relistened to all the classes last week), I think I am finally "getting it." Much of what he was saying today in the class was so Ignatian! So I had no trouble tracking with him.

1:30 Breakout groups for the class. The question for discussion was "How do these deeper states of awareness flow into everyday life?"

I have only done this one other time. We meet for 30 minutes in a group of five. Carrie, the lovely facilitator for the class, specifically said to make sure you give everyone time to talk and to think about the fact that there are five people and 30 minutes. So in my mind, that is 30/5 = 6 minutes per person (really five when you factor in introductions, transitions, and sign-offs). Well, this one girl went on for 15 minutes! My camera was not working (I think installing the new sound card messed my camera up) so I was preoccupied with this, but no one was jumping in to get her to stop her non-stop talking. I was half-listening while I messed with my camera, but I watched the clock tick. I contemplated just leaving the virtual room because of my camera difficulties, but I prayed into this (going to my Type 4 inner room) and decided to stay. 

I quit trying to fix the camera settling for voice only. I also stepped in to facilitate the group by saying, "What about the rest of you?" I was not rude, but I really believe she would have continued to talk for the whole 30 minutes. Now we had 15minutes/4 = 3+ minutes per person. I think the others were probably happy I said something. I have always been into everyone having a say. Instead of getting frustrated, I went to the healthy side of Type 8 (leader) and intervened. I continued to facilitate it from then on and everyone was given a voice. I know that one of the ladies said, "Thank you" because she was not the type to interrupt. She had worthwhile things to say, and I wanted to hear them. The woman who apparently was not there did not know she was in a room but heard us call for her. She had some great things to say. Even though it was rushed for the rest of us, I was glad everyone had a voice. 

2:00 Worked on my camera and finally rebooted everything. The camera has returned.

I had a busy morning so I puttered the rest of the afternoon. I cannot remember everything I did.  I wrote a review of The Invention of Wing, watched the news, scheduled spiritual direction appointments, and read Voices of Chernobyl and Slaves in the Family. I also watched Outlander. I am still deciding whether this is worthwhile to watch. I just cannot bring myself to watch mindless Christmas movies though. 

8:00 Survivor - This is the only show I have watched continually since its inception. More Outlander too. I guess because I am Scottish I feel like I will learn something, but my family is not from the Highlands. I also watched RHOD - I really do it to observe the lack of peacemaking among women! I wonder what I would do in the situation. I have this thing about observing human behavior. I want to help them all get along. Is that so wrong? LOL! 

10:30 Fell asleep listening to Betsy-Tacy book. 

Rejoice and Seek Forgiveness 

• Strongest feeling of consolation: Seeing growth in the curve-ball of the tire. It only ended up putting me 40 minutes behind in my morning but not really. The bright side is that I got exercise doing two errands on foot in the 30-minute wait (even though they said it would be 5-10 minutes). I have grown because I am such a time person.
• Strongest feeling of desolation: Speaking of being a time person, the strongest feeling of desolation was when that girl talked on and on and took up everyone else's time. I "caught myself in the act" though (as Russ Hudson would say)! I acknowledged my frustration to God: people who take other people's time and do not pay attention to specific directions frustrate me. I dealt with my anger (it is ok for me to say that word now) before I intervened. I didn't go to the unhealthy side of Type 8 (anger and dominance) or te unhealthy side of Type 4 by withdrawing and not saying anything. 

Look to the Future - 

I must decide about going to the IMG today. I do not feel a calling to invest there. It is great to support S and observe the dynamics because she is very open to input about her leadership.

N for spiritual direction. I think the morning or late afternoon would be best.

Encourage P as he heads out for another job interview at 2:30.

Book Club at AJ.

Writing and editing of Exercises for Everyone.

Writing and editing of Type 5 and Type 8 profiles. 

One practical thing I can commit to doing today that will express love for You and for others - Listening to and loving on N during spiritual direction. Supporting P as he heads out to his interview.  

124. The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd

 

I was a little hesitant to read this book because I didn't really care for her hugely popular book, The Secret Life of Bees. So I have always been hesitant to read this author again.  But this book was a lovely surprise. I loved it!  

This book is a poignant work of historical fiction about slavery in Charleston, South Carolina. What I did not realize while reading this novel was that two of the main characters were based on two real-life abolitionist sisters, Sarah and Angelina Grimke, and Sarah's slave maid, Hetty "Handful" (although most of the story about Handful was fictionalized because not much is known about her). 

I particularly liked the two narrators who took turns narrating for Sarah and Handful in this audiobook. It is a great read. 

Wednesday Freewrite

The pattern is clear: I love AUTHENTIC CONNECTION (and by extension COMMUNITY). 

It is consistent that when I pray the Examen, I usually find the most meaningful time of my day is when I make that AUTHENTIC CONNECTION with someone. Yesterday, it was with one of my spiritual direction directees. We made an authentic connection on a soul level as I read the story of the angel Gabriel's visit to Mary. We both sighed when I read "nothing will be impossible with God." We discussed what were the seemingly impossible things in our lives. We both longed for growth and freedom. It was great. 

I also find it when I connect in a group. Sometimes, our missional community (the "International Harvesters") just connects, and it is so grand. The good part of all of this is that I do not LONG for it like I used to (although I am not sure I could have put my finger on that is what I wanted), and when I rejoice at that most meaningful time of the day, I see it as a gift, rather than long for it so much that I demand it from God; stomping my feet like a child that wants to get her way. When it comes now, I look back and just say, "Thank you." It is a desire but not a need. Mainly because my truest "authentic connection" need is met with God every morning in prayer. 

Right now, there is an authentic connection with him as I type away. The nuns at some foreign abbey are singing their praise to God, and I conclude my time in the Spiritual Exercises. Today the readings were in Isaiah 40 in the Pray as You Go, Exercises for Everyone, and the Advent reading email. It is about you giving me rest. It is about you giving me power. It is about that connection with you from which all other relationships flow.  All is gift.

All that said, it means that I am also intentional about community. A couple of weeks ago (or was it last week?) I felt the need to connect with all those people I felt like I had lost connection with over the last few months of recovery from my leg fracture. I was intentional about hunting down N as she sometimes hides. I no longer take it personally. I know her so well, but I miss her. I clarified to make sure that is was not something that happened between us. It was not. We sat down last Monday for two hours of authentic connection. 

I guess I realized what a high value I placed on authenticity when I was to describe my fellow spiritual direction Boise cohort members. I said, "authentic" more than once, it was the most predominant word in the word cloud on my page. I came back to tell George that it had never occurred to me before how much I value that quality in a good friend. 

Then, Russ Hudson, in his Enneagram of the Higher Mind series had "authentic connection" in the title when he described Type Two virtues. That is what we desire. I am still trying to determine what is more important; authentic connection in one-to-one situations (intimate instinct) or authentic connection in community (social instinct). I think they are both equal to me. It is just rarer to find it in community, but I think I can always sense when it is not (fluffy and girly Christmas teas and women's ministry events - not usually occurring in my new church, but it happened all the time in my old church). 

Oh, there is the fifteen-minute timer, and I want to walk before I go to the doctor!

BYE!

123. Salt Houses by Hala Alyan

Love This Cover!

This is a sweeping, multi-generational novel of a Palestinian family that is uprooted through war and conflict, and seeking a better life traveling from their homeland of Palestine to Kuwait, Jordan, Lebanon, France, and the United States. It is a piece of historical fiction that is very well-written. 

Each chapter is told through the eyes of the different members of the family across the generations. I had a little bit of difficulty understanding what was happening so I read a book summary that helped me understand that it jumps back and forth in time. That doesn't bother me too much, but it has bothered people in my Book Babes Book Club in the past. So we will see how they handle this non-linear story! 

This gives the Palestinian view of the conflict in the Middle East that is poignant and insightful. One of my favorite non-fiction books from a Palestinian perspective is Blood Brothers (received an 8.9/10 with the Book Babes in 2007).

Another book I thought about that helps give a great overall perspective of this conflict is The Arabs by David Lamb. I found myself thinking back to what I learned from this book many times during the reading of this novel. It also gives a balanced perspective of the problems in this region. 

122. Half of a Yellow Sun

I totally concur with James Mustich's assessment that this should be on the list of 1000 Books to Read Before You Die. The writing is exquisite, and it gives one a peek into the history of an area of the world we know little about. It is a piece of historical fiction that tells the story of the Biafran War (1967-1970) in Nigeria through the voice of three people: Olanna (the twin daughter of an influential Igbo businessman) Ugwu (the houseboy), and Richard (a British expatriate). 

Much of it is about the tension between the Muslim Hausa people and the primarily syncretic Christian Igbo people. I think this same tension has manifested itself more recently in Nigeria as Boko Haram (the group that kidnapped the 276 girls in Borno State in 2014) even though the people groups may be a little different. As I learned in Of Virgins and Martyrs: Women and Sexuality in Global Conflict by Jacob Davidson, much of Islamic terrorism has more to do with tribalism than Islamic ideals:

Simply put, Muslim societies are somewhat less violent than their non-Muslim counterparts if we factor out the presence of tribalism. However, when increasing Muslim population is combined with high levels of tribal patriarchy, religiously motivated violence is more likely to be exported across national borders. (p. 118) 

This would explain the conflicts in Nigeria very well. 

The title Half of a Yellow Sun comes from the symbol on the flag of the Republic of Biafra:

This is a well-crafted story and worthy of being read (warning: sex and violence abound), but it is no easy read. It prompted me to pray for these people who still suffer from the effects of this war. The world was deaf to this conflict in the 60s, and we still continue to not hear them today. That is why these kinds of stories are so important.

Tuesday Freewrite

I had a good day yesterday. I know not working has given me much more time than I realized. This time last year, I was teaching six classes a week. That is six extra hours teaching plus commuting time and prep time and weight training that I did after the classes that amounted to about 13 hours a week. So I have had that extra time every single week in the fall. I hope I have used that time wisely.

I am almost certain I will use the Tetlow 18th annotation of the Spiritual Exercises for M. I don't know if I will have the time to adapt my 19th annotation by January, and I have always been curious to use his with another person. I love how he has a handout every week for the person, and on the back of the original are tips for the director for that week. He also has additional "brief" notes. I paid a lot of money for that thing (then my directed gave me his copy so I really did not need to buy it, but it went to a good cause). I am so grateful for this opportunity to invest in someone. I am going to chose not to make it awkward because she is a peer in my training cohort. It can be really fun because I really like her. 

I finished both Half of a Yellow Sun and Salt Houses. WOW! Both were excellent stories. Then, this morning, I meditated on Isaiah 11:1-10 about Jesus being the "root of Jesse" and what he will do for the nations. I was struck by that familiar verse of the "earth being filled with the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea," and I decided that part of my obsession with reading is to open my eyes up to the world. Both novels were works of historical fiction dealing with the history of their region. So, I decided to pray for these places after I finish reading about them in the novels. I learned about the history of Nigeria and the Palestinian's migration from Palestine to Kuwait to Jordan to Lebanon to America. I started reading about the Chernobyl accident after I was done with my novels too. So, this morning I prayed for Kuwait and Belarus. I will pray for the other places throughout the week. Jesus will judge all of the things that I have gone on through history. My heart breaks for people when they are displaced or injured due to a lack of responsibility of those in charge. 

Today, I meet with K for SD or just for lunch. I can tell by her texts that she is stressed. So I hope to get to the bottom of this in prayer. I want to be prepared. Our lives are so different as she still has two at home and is working more than half time. I really do have a much more serene life, but I am eleven years older so life does slow down. 

I continue to pray for my kids to find their passion in a career. I pray they can make some decisions about their future, even if that means graduate school. I cannot live their lives for them. I have let go and still have an amazing amount of hope!

One thing I did not do yesterday is schedule my SD times for the month. I need to do that. ACK! I wish someone would help me set up some online kind of system. I think this hit or miss, willy nilly is not for me. :) 

OK, I am off to get the 18th annotation set up for M and to do a little Enneagram work for my class. 

BYE!