Abbey Day of Prayer

I feel like it is Monday morning, but it is really Wednesday morning. George had one more day to take off for June. (Mandated five days by his company.) Four of them are/were for our two extended weekend getaways. So we decided to take the fifth one to go to the beautiful and serene Mount Angel Abbey.

This is my "Serene Bean" husband spending time with God overlooking the valley floor. 

I have brought all the "My Lord and Me" Journals since 2014, but I only looked over the last full day of prayer on December  31, where I evaluated the entire year. I was still a bit blown over by the tongue lashing I got on December 23, but I looked at my evaluation of the year, and it was lovely overall other than that particular thing (and my son being suddenly laid off from his career job). And yesterday's day of prayer was a continuation of the peace and presence of God. It was lovely. 

I "considered the lilies" as I looked at the beautiful splashes of color everywhere at the Abbey. I have gone there in all seasons, but I forgot how nice June is in terms of the flowers blooming. Because of Covid-19, we were not supposed to walk on any of the trails and to stick to the Stations of the Cross and the top Abbey grounds. So I did not get to see all the beautiful flowers at the lower trail ring. Next time. I wanted to honor their rules. It was lovely to just sit and ponder the peaceful setting. 

Then the wood chipper went roaring. I could handle the chain saw when we first got there because the tree they were pruning was around the corner near the residence hall for the monks, but the wood chipper was right near us in all its loudness! I thought what an analogy of the world today. It is roaring and loud and overwhelming. I wrote:

 Lord, my heart has to calm down a bit. The turmoil is like the roar of that wood chipper in the background. It was starting to grate on my nerves. Now, it just wound down and drove away. . . Lord, our world is in turmoil right now. Yet you say, "'Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while'...They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves" (Mk 6:31-32). You are so good. With you, there is peace, God.

 Yes. Yet, my tree has been pruned through the uproar in our world these past weeks (and months, really). I tried to be a peacemaker on Facebook and to hear both sides of the issue for my opposing friends. But then I think it was time for the chain saw and chipper to drive away in my life. It was good to be in the quiet. 

God and I talked about the year, and how we are moving along in many ways, except one. That was a subject of much prayer and listening that has continued into this morning as my meditation in Finding Christ in the World: A Twelve Week Retreat in Everyday Life was in the Lord's Prayer and the admonition by Jesus to "keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking." The dialogue will continue because I want to grow in this one area, but "not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit" (Zech 4:6). I think I have "worked on it" by my will and discipline, but I want it in partnership with him because that is only when a lasting change will happen. 

God also allowed me to dream a bit about the future. Doing this website has pushed me to really think through many things about what I really want. That is so Ignatian too! God is constantly asking me "What do you really want?" I want to grow from the inside out and companion others on that journey from the inside out. Contemplatives in Action. Set the world on fire. I said, "Let's do this together. I am passionate about giving all away, Lord." That is primarily all the things that I have developed over the years. Just on Monday, I had a life coach email me for a guide on how to spend a day of prayer because one of their clients was asking how to do it. I have that! I get asked all the time for things like this. That is what I mean by "giving it all away." I want to share the abundance of resources I have gathered. 

Further, in prayer, I asked more of what God wanted me to know. Philippians 3:13-14 came into the picture: 

Forget what lies behind.
Reach forward to what lies ahead.
Press on toward the goal of the prize of the upward call in Christ Jesus. 

With forget, I immediately thought of being blasted in December. All my older women counsel (Cammie, Carol, Joan, and Fran) asked:

• Why did you call in the first place?
• Why did you listen to 2 1/2 hours of false accusations?
• Why would you pick up poison ever again? (Cammie specifically asked me, "If you had poison on the counter, would you drink it every day?" Why no, Cammie!) 

Joan especially gave me some good tips about forgetting on March 2. So I am reminded to let my mind dwell on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute (Phil 4:8). They were mostly projections as my Mental Health Certification classes have reminded me. Empaths should steer clear. It breaks my heart to do that because I long for a connection, even with that person.

So, when someone tells you, you are a useless piece of nothing. Not worthy and "high" enough spiritually to associate with them. It is easy to stop and think, "I cannot reach forward. I cannot press on. I am worthless." But the voice of truth tells me a different story. I am a beloved child of God. I am a loved sinner. I am chosen for a purpose. 

So I reach forward. Forgetting what lies behind. 

Reaching forward without fear. 

I did feel sad yesterday. Sad for the sides. I feel like Switzerland. Sad for people who think you are not spiritual enough if you don't protest or do protest. RUBBISH. I'm just going to be me and 

SEEK THE THINGS ABOVE.

That was another big theme of yesterday (Col 3).  Seek the kingdom. 

After this, I read a chapter called "The Universal Presence" from The Pursuit of God by Tozer. Such food for my soul. PRESENCE was my word for 2019, and I think it is for 2020. I think seeking his presence is so key for me (for all of us) to living life in an incarnational way. George and I talked about that in the middle of our time of prayer. I am going to reread this book this week at the cabin. 

Then, I went to midday prayer with the monks of the Abbey. I know mass is closed to the public, but this was open, and it was lovely. They sang through Psalm 71 and 126. So I meditated on this afterward. 

When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion,

We were like those who dream.  (Ps 126:1)

George and I talked later about a return to the Malay world. that would be so lovely. We are praying. 

Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. 

He who goes to and fro seeking, carrying his bag of seed,  

Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, 

bringing his sheaves with him. (Ps 126:6)

We had a lovely day until it got very hot at about 1:30 pm (and the bench I was sitting on was starting to rotate my pelvis). So we thought it might be cooler at Minto Brown Park. We walked and prayed, but it was 90 degrees there and, unlike Mt. Angel, no breeze. So, we decided to finish our day of prayer at home in the air conditioning after stopping by the Grain Station in Monmouth for a very late lunch. George got into a talk with the recently graduated quarterback for Western Oregon University. 

I am still praying about doing a "light" training with Simple Steps, Inner Life Growth, and tips on Cross-Cultural Communication.

God gave me this summer for REST - REFLECTION - RESTORING and going deeper with him. He said, "Let's walk together." I think I have been doing too much "scanning" lately. Looking for approval in some new groups I have joined. Wanting to be "let in" so I feel like I belong when I already belong. God is calling me to my Type Four Healthy Inner Room for a while! 

To conclude my time, God said in the gist, "It is all going to come together. Be free. I'll bring it all to you." 

So I am reaching forward and pressing on. Flying free "careless in the care of God." 

Selah. 

Friday Freewrite

I am not sure I particularly like the "new blogger" because I don't see how I am to embed things. It will change in 10 days, but I am going to use the old one until the last minute.

It has been an eventful week. Other than a little blip that I handled with honesty, integrity, and love. I have had incredibly deep and meaningful conversations, even a face to face one yesterday. 

I really liked my Zoom with the Jesuits in Britain where the leader had us look at the other 70+ participants for a full two minutes before we continued with our time. It helped me to bond with the mostly British crowd. My small group had a man from the Orkney Islands, a man from Wiltshire, and a woman from Nottingham. We introduced ourselves and then we went to meditation. There were hardly any men, and we got two of them in our group. I liked that. The meditation was of us overlooking the city. It was so nice.

This morning, I had a nice prayer walk. It is going to be warm and wonderful today, and I plan on going on a hike/walk with Maddy before the day is done. 

Yesterday's face to face time was with Stacy who just recently moved back here from Anaheim. They will be here for about six months. They are a family in transition, but they seem to be doing really well. 

I realized she is a seven-minute walk away from Mindy's house. So I gave them each other's addresses, and I hope they see each other. 

Dania got a job in Albany, and she is living in Philomath. I am excited for her. Hope to see her. 

I am reading Silence by Endo. It is a classic, and I have not read a physical book in so long, I don't know what to do with myself! So far I really like it. It is about Jesuits in Japan. So, of course, I would love that. 

The weird thing this week was that I felt unwelcome by someone in a new group that I joined. When I took it out of the group chat, he blasted me about an innocent mistake. I think there is something else going on there. it was resolved. I think he has his own journey to go on. He is part of the old-guard, and I don't know how open he is to others coming into his orbit. He knows me, but there is something there that maybe doesn't have anything to do with me. I am going to let it go. Something he can take up with his spiritual director.

On a good note, my website is being built, and Tessa sent me the "mock-up" of the homepage, and I really like it. She heard my cry at the beginning of last week to use my pictures. It is so ME. So, I am glad she heard me.

Customers need to be happy.

On a fun note, I really like Finding Christ in the World, the 18th annotation written by Tetlow. I should have signed up to facilitate a small group though because I did it too late. So now they cannot seem to find people to fit my time. Most are east coasters who want to do it at night. They aren't very organized. I just have to trust that God knows best in me not pressing the "I will facilitate" button. I need a rest probably, and I think I need more face-to-face time than I need distance learning again. 

A summer of silence? Maybe? I was supposed to direct Heidi through the Exercises this summer, but she had to drop out because of a lay-off. I want to accept this.

Lord, what do you have for me to do? Photos. Writing. Organizing. I must do a Self Pres Sixty today. 

I could go back to bed. I really don't know why I am so tired. I got woken up by what I thought was a knock on our door, but I think it was part of my dream. 

I read an article about "expressive writing." I have done this for years! LOL! 

The time is up! 

Sunday Morning Freewrite

It is 6:38 am, and I decided to move my Corvallis intercession time on Sundays to 8:30 instead of 6:30. I SO ENJOY my morning times with God, and I even though I was up by 5:20. I just love a long and leisurely morning for our personal time together. Not that intercession for Corvallis cannot be personal, but I felt like we were cutting off the good conversation to get on to the next thing, and I knew 8:30 would be better. Sometimes, I will be sitting in church (and actually praying from the pulpit at the morning service at about this time) or taking a morning walk before going to one of the later services at church. It is just a better time, and sometimes, I will even be walking the six miles to church, and I can prayer walk while I am on my way. So it is a better time. I might even change all the other times to a later time because I like to go for a morning walk when it gets a little warmer, but maybe 6:30 will be GREAT once the days get a little warmer. 

Anywho,

Today's meditation is another repetition of Jeremiah 29:11-13. 

"I know the plans I have in mind for you, Carol."

Sit and soak in that phrase right now. 

What a lovely first week in Finding Christ in the World by Tetlow. It is a spendy book (especially when you include shipping), but I have thoroughly enjoyed its simplicity. Tetlow knows his stuff and his God. So blessed to discover this new way to enjoy God. 

What I am even more overjoyed about is 1000 people from 40 different countries going through this book this summer! WOW! I feel like I am part of a global phenomenon of LOVE. 

By the way, I am looking out over Proposal Rock at Neskowin right now.  After three months of staying in the city limits of Corvallis and only going out for essentials (and walking in the neighborhood), we are having a family GETAWAY! George was required to take five days off from work. So this is two days of his off time and two days of the weekend. We are staying at a place we stayed at 1 1/2 years ago, but even though we had rented it for two nights, we only stayed one because my back went out, and I had to go to the doctor before we could go. So, we vowed to return because I do believe it is our favorite place to stay on the coast. Michael and Paul have their own beds and a separate room, and George and I have our own bathroom and bedroom. Then there is a separate common area and kitchen so I do not have to tiptoe around in my early morning time with God (and chai tea making). I am sitting in front of the big sliding glass door and looking right at Proposal Rock. It is going to be SUNNY today. So we plan on a hike where there is an observation deck at the top. I cannot remember what the name of it is, but it overlooks rivers and the ocean. It is a spectacular view on the Oregon Coast. We played the Dr. Seuss Trivia Game on Friday night and watched The Fellowship of the Ring last night together. It has been soul-nourishing family time. 

While we want to take the boys on their graduation present trip to France, we cannot do that until COVID-19 abates. So we are in Oregon and loving it. Unafraid of COVID-19.  I am looking at videos and pictures of our trip to France two years ago. It makes me want to go back with them. They are such appreciators of good art that I think this would be such a great trip for them. We would have to go at a slower pace though. George and I are used to going and seeing so much in a day. 

Well, I am going to get dressed and go for a walk on the beach. SUCH a perfect day to play.

Foundation of the Ignatian Exercises

The human person is created

to praise,

reverence

and serve God our Lord,

and by so doing save his or her soul;

and it is for the human person that

the other things on the face of the earth are created,

as helps to the pursuit of this end.

It follows from this that the person has to use these things

in so far as they help toward this end,

and to be free of them

in so far as they stand in the way of it.

To attain this, we need to make ourselves indifferent

toward all created things,

provided the matter is subject to our free choice

and there is no prohibition.

Thus, for our part we should not want health more than sickness,

wealth more than poverty, fame more than disgrace,

a long life more than a short one--

and so with everything else;

desiring

and choosing

only what leads more to the end for which we are created. (Michael Ivans translation) 

Tuesday Turmoil Freewrite

I am really sad today.

The good news: I am not sad about the thing I had to work through from December-April. The tongue lashing I got is a distant memory. I did not shy away from working through all of that. I learned so much through the process. Positive reframing now, but it was after experiencing the pain of hurt and loss. I did not shy away, but I prayed toward peace. I have it now. Peace and perspective. 

Now, I am developing this website. I have someone helping me. It was my first free day, and it was her first day to work on it. She sent me possible pictures, and I thought, "Uh oh. She doesn't get me, at all." She is more working with people who want to sell their "brand." I don't want to sell anything. I just want to have a central location to house things that will help people grow and tell them about opportunities I have for them to grow (spiritual direction, Spiritual Exercises, body stuff like Pilates and personal training, self-awareness tools to help grow closer to God and others). The pictures she sent me were more like an advertisement for a home or a spread in Better Homes and Garden. 

I was so disappointed. 

My friend said, "You have such great photos. Why doesn't she just use yours?" 

I don't fit the color palette or the psychology of color or something like that. I did write to her and communicated my sadness. It was a well-crafted letter. I think I always fear rejection after things like this, but it is better than being frustrated or caving to her vision rather than mine. She is millennial and "cool." So her colors are cool and trendy. Mine are older and woodsy. 

I am sad. 

I think, too, this designer's rant with profanity on her business page also really made me question whether she is the right fit for me. I think we have freedom of speech, but it is her business page. Do you really want me to see that? I cannot find it now, and it makes me wonder if others found it offensive. I just left the page. It hurt my spirit. 

I have had to do a lot of "snoozing" of people. I think I have already mentioned that in my posts recently. I don't want this to be a Democrat/Republican thing. I believe that Black Lives DO MATTER. I have given this week to causes that lift people out of poverty (Woodson Center) rather than enrich the people administering the programs to help the poor.

 My heart breaks for George, and his devastated family and his poor child who has to live without a dad and the way he died. My heart also goes for that poor retired policeman who was shot dead outside the store he was trying to protect, or that older black woman who said, "Black lives don't matter to you. You burned down my business," or my friends' son who lost his eye to a rubber bullet from Minneapolis Police when he was in a peaceful and unprovoking demonstration. My heart breaks for my friend who called me terrified when rioters surrounded her house at 11:30 pm. It comes from all sides and angles. It is a LOSE-LOSE proposition. 

We all have things to learn. We all play our part. It just hurts my heart to read a profanity-laced rant. 

My heart breaks for the hate. 

My heart breaks for the rants that divide rather than unite. 

I am at a crossroads of time. I was so looking forward to crossing the finish line of Pilates OSU, Enneagram Portland Certification, Sustainable Faith Certification. The First Exercises with SEEL Portland. No more  "required" Zooms. 

But yesterday, I was confronted with a day of rest, and I was sad. I had cleared the week for this website development and now I wonder if I have the courage to work with someone I am not sure is the right fit for me. 

I fear. 

(15 minutes are up.) 

Monday Freeeeeeeeeeeewrite

Fifteen minutes and counting. 

FREEDOM! I had my last big Zoom meeting last night. I keep saying that I am done. I was done with Pilates on Thursday, Enneagram Certification on Friday, now I am done with The First Spiritual Exercises, "Inner Peace in Darkness and Light" last night at 8:35pm. 

WOOHOO! The only thing that is holding me back from total freedom is submitting my grades, which for some reason, I am unable to do. My grade submission worksheet is NOT on my OSU webpage. I have asked my activity area leader, and she has asked my boss. I have also contacted the Registrars Office. 

So strange.

Well, that will take me five minutes to complete once I am able. 

So, I really am done. January to June was pretty busy. July 18 to January was pretty slow for me because of my broken leg and not teaching in the summer, but now I am on my feet. I plan on walking a lot this summer. I want to get this weight off! I still have about 10 lbs that I gained from all the inactivity and yummy meals. I know, it was almost a year ago, but I think I am finally 100 percent back to the activity. 

Part of my activity this summer will be from what I sensed from God yesterday: Lay down prayer pavement (in purple - but I don't tell people that because they don't understand how much God speaks to me in alliterations :) ) So I have my Windows 10 map, and I am drawing all the prayer pavement laid down over the summer. I alerted others, and I am asking them to tell me when they prayer walk or bike the streets of our great town. 

So lots of walking and praying and listening to Atlas Shrugged because I honestly think it will take me all summer to read this book! LOL! I am 21 days in and only 20 percent into the book. 

So today holds 

1) Working with Bella Maven to get my website up and running

2) Walking or riding my bike 

3) Doing strength and flexibility training of some kind (Pilates, Pietra Fitness, or The Firm) 

4) Self-Preservation Sixty - some area of the house that needs my attention after months of writing and reading and studying. 

That is it for just today. I am so glad to be done with all my obligations. I invested a lot of time and money over the last 2 1/2 years toward certifications (or recertification in Pilates and Personal Training) and writing my Spiritual Exercises guides for the 18th and 19th Annotations. So I am ready to share those things I learned with others on a wider scale. But, it has to be what he opens up for me. 

Saturday-Sunday Freewrite

Love will never fails.

I love this song. I am listening to Porter's Gate Neighbor Songs, and it is so perfect for this week of turmoil in our nation. So many have died.

I started this yesterday but I never finished it so I will do this now. 

I am wanting to do an Examen Prayer from my Saturday. 

I woke up WAY too early. I cannot remember why. Was I hot? So I embraced it. I even watched some episodes of Suits and then got to my time with God. 

It was the "Healing Examen" from The First Spiritual Exercises: Four Guided Retreats. I reviewed the last month looking for times where

• I was blind, deaf, dumb, or living a half-life, and where I have blinded or stolen the voice of another.  
• I was paralyzed by illness, a life situation, sinfulness, or fear, and where I have paralyzed another.
• I was tormented by demons, hurting myself, and where I have demonized another.
• I am dead, drained, grieving, or entombed, and where I have taken life from another. 

It ended with a resolution to seek healing through the path of adjusting lifestyle, seeing a counselor or spiritual director, bringing wounds to Jesus in prayer, take any needed healing action for myself or others I may have hurt. The last suggestion was one small act of healing in the next month. 

This was lovely. I went for a walk because the sun was out. 

One of my "in the future" for applying the Enneagram to myself and my practice of Spiritual Direction was to write inner work journals for each type. So I did that yesterday. 

Then, George asked to go for a walk, but I said let's wait and ride our bikes to the Corvalis High School Graduation Parade. So we rode our bikes and cheered on the graduates, including Kay! We knew a lot of the people in the parade. The cherry on top was running into Katherine, and we were with her for about an hour at the parade. Also, John patched in from Kosovo! That was so life-giving. 

Then I came back and fine-tuned the inner work journals and watched some more Suits. 

Then, we went to the Crescent Valley Graduation Parade. That one was easy because it was at the end of our block. I Facebook lived the event. 

Then I came back and did some work on the journals. I fell asleep by 7:30 because I woke up so early.

What was life-giving: Cheering on the graduates and going through the questions in The Wisdom of the Enneagram. I have always wanted to get back to those after I read the book. Now I made these journals. Next, I will do the exercises for my type. 

What was deadening? Nothing yesterday, but I will say that I woke up this morning to yet another person pontificating about their position. Only this time, it was on a business website, and it was laced with profanity, and I thought that just was not very professional. So I left that person's business group. I didn't really fit on the page anyway. So, I don't think it is a big deal. I realize that if something hurts my soul or is deadening to my soul, I need to just walk away from it. 

Well, there you go. Perfect timing. Freewrite fifteen minutes is over. 

Now on to pray for my beloved Corvallis.

Lauren Daigle - "Come Alive (Dry Bones) (Live at the CentricWorship Retr...

Verse 1
Through the eyes of man it seems there’s so much we have lost
As we look down the road where all the prodigals have walked
And one by one the enemy has whispered lies and led them off as slaves

Verse 2
But I know that You are God, Yours is the victory
We know there is more to come that we may not yet see
So with the faith You’ve given us we step into the valley unafraid

Chorus
We call out to dry bones, come alive, come alive
We call out to dead hearts, come alive, come alive
Up out of the ashes, let us see an army rise
We call out to dry bones come alive

Verse 3
God of endless mercy, God of unrelenting love
Rescue every daughter bring us back the wayward sons
And by Your spirit breathe upon them show the world that You alone can save
You alone can save

Bridge
So breathe, oh breath of God
Now breathe, oh breath of God
Breathe, oh breath of God
Now breathe

Copyright © 2014 CentricSongs (SESAC) See You At The Pub (SESAC) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com)

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

I love the alliteration of Friday Freewrite Fifteen. :) 

I woke up at about 4:50 am and made some Chai tea. I usually don't freewrite until after my time with God, but I thought I would reflect today. 

I made a time zone mistake and did not make it to the ESDA Webinar until it was almost 50 minutes underway. By then, someone was talking from a PowerPoint, and it was mostly things I was not really interested in. So, George had wanted to take me out for dinner. I was supposed to be in this seminar during dinner, but it was now an hour earlier than I had thought. (I even had it in my calendar at 4 pm, but for some reason, I got up yesterday morning thinking it was 5 pm. UGH! I should have looked at my calendar again.). So, George took me out for a Celebration of the End of the School Year! We went to the Spaghetti Factory, and I really liked what I got. We don't usually go there for Italian food, but it was so nice to sit at the window along the river. Afterward, we walked a mile along the Willamette River through Riverfront Park and to the Mary's River confluence. The weather was perfect. Downtown was nearly deserted. Even though people can go into businesses, I think they are still quite hesitant. I don't blame most people because we have quite a few people in the over 65 demographic. 

It is nice to be done with Pilates for the year. I got a lot of good feedback from my students at the end. That was nice. It was a challenge to teach to a screen. Most of why I love teaching is the interaction with the students. It is so fun. 

So other than submitting grades (which has not opened up yet which is very late), I am done for the year. I am not going to set up my new Canvas pages for next year because I did that last summer, and it was a waste of time because I broke my leg and ended up not teaching. Since things with COVID-19 are still so fluid, I would rather wait and see. I do not want to teach remotely again. I will just work out on my own and wait until the university opens up. At this point, it will open up for me because my classroom is huge, and I don't even need to limit the size. I can easily fit 30 at 6 feet apart. I might need to use a microphone though. 

Today, I finish up my Enneagram Portland Certification. It has been a good 9 months, and I learned quite a bit. I feel like it is much more extensive than going to a seminar for four days and not doing anything beyond that. It is silly that the International Enneagram Association would certify someone with so little training. There is one training I was considering doing on top of the one I am doing now, and it is so limiting in what it teaches. It is that instructors bent on it that is not comprehensive in the least, but this certifies someone to teach it? YIKES! 

I am so excited to be done though. It was a lot of work, but I think that I learned quite a bit, and now I want to write Enneagram Inner Work Journals for each type. HAHAHAHA. More writing! For now, I will just stick to the summer projects that I have set aside. 

Well, that was fifteen. Now on to prayer. 

The First Exercises Freewrite - "Inner Peace in Darkness and Light" Week Three

I have been doing this with a group of 12 other people through the SEEL Portland Group. The book contains four 25 days prayer retreats. This one has lasted from May 17-June 7. We have daily prayer Monday-Thursday, a different kind of Examen, Saturday, and some kind of Sunday service. 

Week Three is about asking for the grace to direct my whole self to the service of Jesus the healer and desiring to be raised to life. 

Today, we have three healing stories for prayer: Jairus' daughter, the widow's son, and Lazarus. I read the texts and then decide on one to put myself in the scene. 

I chose Lazarus (Jn 11) and listening to "The Tomb" by Pray as You Go and Sacred Space. 

"I am the resurrection and life. Those who believe in me, even though they die will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."

I put myself in Mary's shoes. She had her doubts too. How do I respond to my doubts and fears?

The meditation ends with "Then, I surrender my vulnerabilities and healing to the Lord, so that he may better work through me. I offer, if he wills, to help heal and encourage others. 

Conversation: Thank you Lord for the faith that "makes me well." I do feel so well. It is well with my soul. I feel so healed. I feel such a sense of calm as I sit here at 6:15 this morning on what will be a 74-degree day (I always say a perfect day is between 70-75 degrees). I know that the cities across America have been burning, but I think last night was calmer. They called in the National Guard in many of them. But there is peace in my soul. There is sadness but there is peace. 

Back to the healing. I think I am finally fully healed from the traumatic event at the end of December. I might even be ready to put the things I wrote and then pulled back on here. It is documentation of a process from hurt to healing and new life. I am more convinced than ever of God's calling and choosing me, not because of my own effort, but just because that is what God does; he calls and chooses people not because they are better or special, but he just has a plan for everyone, and I know that his plan for me involves spiritual direction and especially direction through the Exercises.

Call it direction. Call it shepherding. Call it discipleship. Call it healing prayer. I have been doing this for 40 years, ever since Sharyl said, "Will you help me grow?" That was 1980. I made a mess of it because I was following the premade plan that was laid out for me by my leaders, but I always ended up doing direction (not knowing that is what it was). That road of growth fit and was so much more conducive to how God wired me. I just made it formal by getting this certificate, but I know I have been doing it all along, even when my leaders were encouraging me otherwise. It is nice to just call it that and not have to be a "listening and inner healing prayer" person either when sometimes that just did not fit the moment. That was just not the best thing. I was always more interested in hearing their story. 

I have been raised to new life. :)

Well, in three minutes, I start my intercession time for my great city of Corvallis. Then write my paragraph for Dale and my LAST Enneagram training class. Then, teach my final two RELAXATION Pilates classes at OSU! So TTFN. 

Wednesday Freewrite - Christ Has No Body Now But Yours

“Christ has no body now but yours. 

No hands, no feet on earth but yours. 

Yours are the eyes through which he looks compassion on this world. 

Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good. 

Yours are the hands through which he blesses all the world. 

Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, yours are the eyes, you are his body. 

Christ has no body now on earth but yours.”

I am embedding my first video in the new Blogger. So we will see how this goes. This was a poem that Jeannette read on Sunday at our First Exercises night from Teresa of Avila. Then Isaiah told me about this video set to it. It is so moving and beautiful.

I was so disturbed this morning. I had listened about a retired black police officer who was guarding his friend's store, and they shot him and someone filmed him dying, not offering to even help. Then, they posted it on Facebook. My heart was broken. 

I walked up Glen Eden Hill, and I just played this song, and there was a peace that just washed over me. I am grateful. I held my arms out to heaven, and I didn't care who watched. 

Truth be told, I have "snooze" a bunch of people for the next 30 days. There is a lot of pontificating. I am trying to remain positive. I am trying to ask how people are doing. I am just trying to be his hands and feet. I was sound asleep the other night when my friend called me at 11:30 pm, terrified with smoke filling the air, rioting, breaking of property, surrounding her house, Police SWAT teams moving in. I stayed on with her for 45 minutes until the smoke cleared and arrests were made. 

Do people not see what is happening?

Then I heard a wonderful 80+-year-old black man from the civil rights movement of the 60s who has started this wonderful organization that goes into communities and works with the people to lift people out of poverty. I was so encouraged. He said:

He argues that most government spending on poverty alleviation is misdirected. “Seventy percent of the money spent on poor people goes not to poor people; it goes to those that serve poor people. And so they ask not which problems are solvable but which problems are fundable. We’ve spent $15 trillion to aid the poor with the bulk of it going to middle class providers. We have created a commodity out of poor people and wonder why poverty expands as funding increases.”  

https://www.forbes.com/sites/billfrezza/2014/05/09/paul-ryan-mentor-bob-woodson-slams-war-on-poverty/#2475a7f91f62

I was so encouraged by one of our former TOAGers who married a wonderful man who is a police officer and happens to be black. He wrote a letter, from his perspective, saying that 98% of all white people are not racist, and he said we should be forced to say we are. He was great. 

I am so saddened by that retired police officer who was shot. I am so saddened by the man who was murdered by a police officer. I am so saddened by people who throw bricks and destroy property and run over police officers. 

But I had peace this morning as I walked up Glen Eden, and I will continue to walk. 

Then I came back to work on the copy for my website. I think it is pretty done. I am still debating about adding the stuff about the Enneagram. 

Then I had a directee for the Exercises, and that was fun. 

Tuesday Freewrite

I have the privilege of praying for this half-hour for the "welfare of my city of Corvallis. 

I am happy that our city had a peaceful protest. No violence. Just people talking. That is very good. I continue to want to pray for the "welfare of the city of Corvallis." 

I continue to see Oaks of Righteousness growing up. While on a Zoom prayer time for SEA, one of the workers said there was no unity in the body in her province, and the main thing is they have never been discipled. When they offer themselves to show them deeper time in the word, they are not interested. It is a very shallow faith. 

They are like those spring flowers. 

We want Oaks here, Lord. Grow Oaks of Righteousness here. Grow groves of Oaks of Righteousness. 

Crazy. I feel led to go on an "Oaks of Righteousness" tour of Corvallis. I know there are historic oaks all over this city and some arboretums. So, I am going to do that. 

Sort of like the prayer busing I did two or three years ago. (I am sure that those bus drivers thought I was crazy, but I was able to see Corvallis from that perspective, and it was so good.)

I am going to post pictures here. Maybe I will also do some prayer busing. 

I wish I didn't have to teach Pilates today so that I could start doing it today, but I do have some things I need to get done. 

I want to see Corvallis from your perspective, Lord. 

Oh, I want to go to Chip Ross, Bald Hill, Dimple Hill, East Saddle. All those wonderful perspectives from high above. They are always helpful to me. 

Maybe do some walking around churches too. Oh, this is going to be a fun summer of prayer walking/busing! 

Spring Flowers to Oaks of Righteousness. 

God, you exchange 

beauty for ashes

the oil of joy for mourning

a garment of praise instead of a spirit of heaviness

So that we might be 

Oaks a righteousness

The planting of the Lord

That He might be glorified. (Isaiah 61:3)

The Message

To give them 

bouquets of roses instead of ashes

Messages of joy instead of news of doom,

a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.

Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"

planting by God to display his glory. 

Freewrite Monday

I had a very productive weekend. So I am slacking off today. I so enjoy working on something that I am passionate about, and making up the copy for this new website has definitely helped me to put in writing what I am really passionate about. So, in that sense, I could not stop this weekend. I probably would have had a pretty productive morning, but I finally got in to see Dr. Myers. It was so nice to see him, and even though it was a little "nag" of pain in my hip, and nothing was "out," I think it had weighed very heavily on me for many, many weeks because it is gone now, and I feel so great today. I always have to rest after he adjusts me. I had about seven people that I had to go back and forth in emails and texts about a variety of things. So, by the time I could start working more on the website, I hit my low time. 

So, I am trying to do this freewrite to get my creative juices flowing. Tessa is going to start setting up the website by next week. There are so many balls in the air, but most of those balls will be totally gone by the time she starts setting it up. I plan on giving my whole attention to this website except for a trip to Neskowin (12-15)and a trip to Lakeside (19-22) for a wedding. 

I teach two "Have a Ball" Pilates Class on Tuesday and two "Relax" into Finals class on Thursday and submit my grades for the term. I also need to write a four to five-paragraph essay for my Enneagram trainer. When I do that, I am officially done with all homework. Then I have a four-hour finale Friday and I will be officially certified in the Enneagram! Then I finish the First Spiritual Exercises with Jeannette on Sunday night. 

WOOHOO! I am still praying about leading a group through a 12-week Spiritual Exercises class. There are 800 people signed up from 22 countries. 

What I would still love to do is the 19th annotation with Katherine, Bri, Maddy, and me! :) That is the desire of my heart, Lord. True that. It would be so fun to be with them doing that. 

I am ready to go back to working on my website now. I have about a minute. 

Oh, quickly, I had my time with God at midnight last night because I was sound asleep and Teala called me terrified by rioters outside of her house. I was so wide awake that I decided to have my Monday time really early. YIKES!

BYE! 

Resurrection Poem by Ronald Rolheiser

What is most precious in us ends up in a tomb- a dream crucified, a Christ entombed, a 

winter set in, a human being frozen over. 

Before being buried in our graves, we are largely buried in our lives. 

Mainly because of this, we begin to sin. 

Our infidelities, our lack of gratitude, our propensity to misunderstand and to hurt each other occur mostly because what’s best in us – the image of God – lies frozen, assets we cannot touch. 

Our poverty and bitterness come from that. 

And so we begin to settle for second best, we make do. A life without enthusiasm, without fire, with passion quieted, with joy frozen. 

We accept our limits. “This is the way I am, this is the way things are, this is the way it will always be!” 

So we live on, far from fully alive, the Christ in us lying in the tomb, what’s most precious in us frozen under bitterness. 

The challenge of Easter is to resurrect daily, to leave behind us a string of empty tombs, to let our lives radiate so that in the end, everything is good, reality can be trusted, love triumphs over apathy and hatred, togetherness over loneliness, peace over chaos, and forgiveness over bitterness. 

We need regular resurrection. 

Spring is the season to let ourselves be unthawed, to think young again, to give the child in us scope again, to be open again to new possibilities. 

- Ronald Rolheiser 

18. Diary of a Country Priest

"Does it matter?

Grace is ...everywhere." 

This book was on my 1000 Book to Read Before You Die list, and it was also in one of the books, Spiritual Direction: A Practical Introduction by Sue Pickering, but I am at a loss for where in the book I read about it. (Her book is excellent, by the way. I highly recommend it.) 

A young, struggling priest in a small French village finds a deeper experience of God through life's biggest challenges. I just felt such compassion and love for this man. At first, I thought it was boring, but there is a beauty to it that eventually drew me in. 

Freewrite for My City

Today I am praying for my city. "Seek God for the welfare of the city." I meditated in John 17. So I am praying for oneness and unity. 

I sat out on my deck (outdoor office) and was reminded of coming to live here 42 years ago in September. This is a special place. It is where I truly found you, God. I was surrounded by people who loved you (and people who pretended to love you to manipulate me, but I learned that early on and said, "BYE BYE" to one particular person), and I grew. I am praying that you make the believers one, but I also pray that you make us a mighty grove of oak trees.

They will be called oaks of righteousness, 

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61:3)  

I keep seeing the spring flowers pop up in all their glory, only to come back a few days later to see them wither and die. Yet, the mighty oaks of Corvallis have stood strong for hundreds of years. So, I say, "Yes, Lord! We want to see the body of Christ grow into a mighty grove of oak trees, not just oak trees standing alone either."  I pray it will be so. I pray we go "deeper still" into the soils of your love, extending roots deep rather than just be spring flowers who pop up and are gone tomorrow. 

I in them and You in Me, in order that they may become one and perfectly united, that the world may know and [definitely] recognize that You sent Me, and that You have loved them [even] as You have loved Me. (John 17:23, AMP)

The NEW Blogger Freewrite

If you want to learn more about Freewriting, visit my friend Julie's website: 

https://bravewriter.com/program/brave-writer-lifestyle/friday-freewrite/freewriting-the-key-that-unlocks-the-words

After years of the old blogger interface, they have changed it. So I am trying a new freewrite on the NEW blogger. So far, I cannot get it to do the larger print, but I will figure it out. I always do. It was getting a bit out of date anyway. So here goes with my freewrite in small font (so far).

Fifteen minutes, starting now. That is what Alexa tells me when I do these freewrites. I used to have an online timer, but this is easier. 

I have already had two walks today before 9 am. I have the whole day reserved for writing copy for the website I am developing. I have so much information over the years that I want to share with others. So I have a website. I will still use this blogger (there is no way I could transfer over 2100+ posts here and the many more on the Bible Book Club, Project365, and Gospel Harmony Book Club). I will still do my book reviews here. It is a whole other adventure altogether to have my own blog with my own domain name. I feel so grown up. LOL!

I finished editing the 18th Annotation guidebook for the Exercises on Sunday. I probably didn't need to work so hard over the Memorial Day Weekend, but I don't know if it is working hard when it is something that I love. I really do love it. I just want the Exercises to go out into the world. There is an EXPLOSION of people doing the Exercises now. I keep hearing from a new person who is doing them or is giving them, and I think that is just great! I will recommend people to do them with certain people as I get to know them. It is so good to spread it around. Fran has sent two people to me and another director to me who wants to put me on their list of people offering direction and the Exercises. It is not Fran's thing to lead people through, and she knows her niche, and that is training other directors, and I think that is a really good place for her to be. I would love her to supervise me, but I sure loved Sandy and Marty Boller as a team. They were the bomb. They are the perfect blend of kindness and humility with keeping us on track and intentional. I really loved my two years with them, and I know they will be friends for many years to come. (They would be so fun to go on a cruise with too. I just visualize us on a cruise with them. Isn't that weird?) 

Anywho, I finished that project and finally led my "Reformer on the Mat" class with these online students, and I cheated! I found a video for $10 on my training website, and this woman was so clear and good, and it fits right in the time frame of my class! So, I did it for myself on Monday and then I did it WITH my students on Tuesday. They liked it. I will learn how to teach it for my in-person classes as I do her video over the summer. It should be great. 

I also want to develop some Praise Pilates classes and put them on my new website. I just would love to see people find freedom of movement in their bodies as well as their souls! They are so intertwined, and I have dreamed of leading these kinds of classes during the summer since I was trained in 2015! Pietra Fitness comes as close to that model. I love their philosophy, and I wish they would do training with me, but I am not a Catholic. I had a lovely talk with their founder. She was so sweet and on a similar journey to me in the soul and body area. Her supervising priest won't let them admit non-Catholics, but on my walk today, I prayed that they would open it up for people like me. (Hey, I am almost a Jesuit - minus the praying to Mary.) 

Anywho, I am going to do "copy" writing all day today, and I hope to get it done. I asked three of my directees from the last year to write a little testimonial for me for my website. 

I am so excited about this website. The person I hired has a beautiful website themselves, and I just wanted to bless her too. I love beauty, and I have never regretted paying for beauty! That is part of what our trips for ourselves have been since 2014. Beauty trips. The memories of vineyards on hills overlooking the Rhine both in the Spring (May 2014) and Fall (November 2019 - totally different experience) are so vivid in my mind. Beauty. Oh, I want to put the picture of the narrow walkway down Philosophers Walk in Heidelburg, Germany on my new blog! (Why doesn't Rick Steves like Heidelburg?) 

I think my time is coming to a close. There it is. I just know the length of 15 minutes, don't I?

Sunday Sixteen Freewrite

I am going to just freewrite as I listen to Pray as You Go (PAYGO) for today. 

"Seek the Lord and be strengthened. Seek his face always." This was the verse God gave me on January 24, 1992. The day I became a mother. That was my parenting verse, and I just love being a parent, especially because we really like each other as adults. Last night, I saw God in our family as we went out to dinner, and the waitress kept commenting, "You are all so happy." I think she liked being treated so well (even when she made a huge mistake on our bill.) Yes, we like being around each other. After dinner, we went for a 2/3 mile walk on the boardwalk over Jackson-Frazier Wetland. (Nature + my favorite people + sun shining = BLISS) Of course, it took WAY longer than if I were to do it alone because those kids have just been influenced so much by their father, stopping to see every bird and insect. I should have known when Paul wanted to get the binoculars out of the back of the car. I don't mine. Their "lollygagging," affectionately given by me to their father, warms my heart. 

BACK TO PRAY AS YOU GO (PAYG):

God's spirit rests on us, and it is a spirit of glory.

"The glory of God is a human being fully alive" (So funny that Dale quoted that at the end of Enneagram training last Friday and then Maureen emailed me to ask me for the quote - I want this quote on my new website.)

QUESTION FROM PAYGO
How alive do I feel right now? VERY (Love this music on the app right now, they have used it several times, and I use it for my Pilates classes.) 

I do feel FULLY ALIVE. 

Not difficult to feel this way in these days of restricted movement. Yes, PAYG, the slowing down is GOOD for us. George and I were commenting on that while we were having an Examen prayer time together on our deck in the evening twilight. (Simple pleasures are the best.) Not happy for the pandemic, but it has only been WIN-WIN for us. It just breaks our hearts that it is not for others. 

If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed.

Jesus is alive within me and within the world. What do I want to say about suffering with him?

Well, I suffer with those who are suffering because I really have had my share. I think about those in pain: emotionally and physically. Suicides in the lockdown as much as a YEARLY average in California. YIKES. How can hope be brought in to homes?

Pray as You Go is over. 

I also prayed for the city this morning from 6:30-7:00. This is the closing verse for my prayer slot:

"Seek peace and well-being for the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf; for in its peace (well-being) you will have peace."

So that is what our group is doing. It has been nice. I thought I was to do it every day, but then George showed me that there were tabs on the Google Doc - duh. So someone had taken the one on Monday for that time (which is ideal because I am over with my personal prayer time by 6:30 am and have not started any work yet). 

There is more I could say but it IS time to start on a project I have been working on this weekend. By the way, yesterday I did something DUMB in my Word document, and I started to panic because I had sent out the "final" copy to several people! ACK! I have no idea how it happened but some of my links were really incorrect (part of it was that the information on the website that it is linked to was also incorrect). So I had to correct it, and it is tedious work that I am not really good at. So that was sort of frustrating, but I was fine by the time we went out to dinner, and I decided that it was OK to extend my deadline to TODAY instead of yesterday. I was putting TOO MUCH PRESSURE on myself for a deadline that I imposed on myself. My 1 and 3 wings were both coming out in a very UNHEALTHY way at that moment. So, a la Wisdom of the Enneagram and the wonderful teaching of Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, I "caught myself in the act," made my apologies to George, and let it go. :) (Growth is grand.) 

Tuesday Freewrite

Today was the first day of a summer prayer initiative called 24/7 Corvallis. I have always dreamed of 24/7 prayer for our city, and I was re-inspired when I saw the people who did the UK Blessings had a 24/7 prayer for London (or maybe it was all of the UK). I am just glad that I did not have to head it up! Someone else was inspired, or a group of people from The Hive were inspired and invited me to come along. So I took the 6-6:30 am sport since I know most people don't like to get up that early. I woke up at 5:11 am and was able to get my prayer time in from the "Inner Peace in Darkness and Light" Retreat in The First Spiritual Exercises. Jeannette from SEEL PDX is heading up four 25 day guided retreats through this book.

So today was the Valley of Dry Bones in Ezekiel. The imaginative contemplation was imagining myself being commanded by God to prophesy. It was pretty powerful. The line of spiritual direction in the book was about my own dry bones, but I don't think it was speaking to my dry bones because I feel the sinew and muscles and breath of life coming through me. It is not a dry time of my life. It is one overflowing. It is a gift of God's grace. But I felt called to prophesy over a group that I am in. Can you LORD make something out of this field of dry bones? YES. So I prophesied with hope. I was so discouraged two meetings ago, but then I read Life without Lack by Dallas Willard, and he encouraged a day with God in everyday life. (So Ignatian.) So I walked with him through the morning with this group a few days later, and God gave me eyes to see with his eyes. It was good. I really felt like leaving before reading about this day with God because of the darkness of that group. 

So after my prayer time for this group, it was my time to pray for my city, and I prayed Ezekiel 37 and Valley of Dry Bones. This time I meditated in The Amplified Bible, and it said that the Valley of Dry Bones was in the "midst of the valley." Well, my city, Corvallis, is in the midst of the Willamette Valley. The name, Corvallis, in Latin means "heart of the valley"! So it was good to pray for my city in this way. If was a prophecy over it. 

After this, I took a nice walk and listened to Pray as You Go. After this freewrite, I will put some time into my 18th Annotation adaptation of my Exercises for Everyone manual. Oh, speaking of that, Fran referred TWO women to me to go through the Exercises! I am talking to one tomorrow morning, and I have not heard back from the other one. I am so excited, and this is an answer to prayer to gain more experience taking people through the Exercises. I am still praying about sending it to Tony, but I will have to pray that God provides his email address to me to send it. 

I also got a big goal done yesterday. I was able to go through ALL the modules for the Boise Spiritual Direction Cohort and put handouts I will use with my directees in a folder on my desktop and also printed up in a notebook that will go right next to my spiritual direction chair. I had started the process of doing the physical papers the evening before. I got that notebook with all my readings and information from the class in a notebook too. But the actual going through each file in each module and printing off pertinent ones took me from 2:30-10:30 last night! Eight hours! It did do some editing of some of the handouts to make them for a directed versus for people who are training to be directors. I also added some attributions because some of the handouts were lifted directly from books but not attributed. I think this is very important to do. I also edited some of the Enneagram stuff because whoever wrote them does NOT understand the Types and the Instinctual Variants and gets them all mixed up (something that I wrote in my evaluation of the School of Spiritual Direction where I think their teaching on the Enneagram is the weakest part of their program - but not with Marty and Sandy because they have the humility to admit they are not experts, and I appreciate that so much about them). I also had to reformat a very GOOD handout on the Enneagram. That took some time. 

Well, my timer went off a while ago, but I wanted to finish my paragraph about the big goal I was able to finish yesterday. Today is two Pilates classes with weights. After that, I will continue with my 18th annotation editing. This summer is going to be going through every room of the house and decluttering and deep cleaning. I will also get all my photo books and photo albums caught up!

TTFN! 

17. Pigs Have Wings

This was delightful to listen to while in a Coronavirus Lockdown! It is silly and clever. This is my first P.G. Wodehouse but I don't think it will be my last. I laughed out loud so many times.

It has to do with two pigs and a bunch of upper-class people, and their silly lives. 

Thursday Later Freewrite

WooHoo! I just learned something huge about myself. I am a RELATIONAL Pilates instructor. 

Well, I already knew I was relational, but I just cannot tell you how LIFE-GIVING my Pilates class was this Thursday. It was because I had everyone turn on their camera, and I JUST watched them. I just named the name of the exercise and had them do it. I got to watch them and give them encouragement and feedback about what they were doing. It was so rewarding to watch them move and see that most of them really do GET IT! That just fills my heart. 

So learned that I cannot continue to teach remotely. Maybe I won't mind doing a bunch of preformed Pilates videos someday to have online, but I like the face-to-face. It has been so draining for me, and the part I have liked it when they all come in, and I talk to them. That is what I love about my in-person classes is getting to know them. 

So there you go! 

What is also life-giving to me is that Benton County is opening up for Phase I tomorrow. What I didn't realize is that retail businesses were not required to close! Who knew? Oregon gave them the option to stay open, and most of them decided to close. 

Tomorrow, salons and spas can open if they screen clients, have no drop-ins and only scheduled appointments, keep a record of clients, and maintain physical distance between customers. 

Gyms can open if people are at least 6 feet apart, close showers and pools, and follow cleaning protocols. 

Gatherings of up to 25 people can happen!

Restaurants and bars can open if people wear face masks, practice physical distancing, and close by 10 pm. I think our governor said that you cannot have groups of 10 or more. So WOOHOO! We are opening up!

So that was life-giving. 

The next life-giving thing was that Fran has people who might want to go through the Spiritual Exercises with me! So we are going to talk at 1 pm about it. 

It is also life-giving to be all caught up with my class and attendance. Now, I just need to decide about doing my continuing education online versus waiting until I can do it with Marie. 

Also, life-giving was "Prayer on my Dossier" in the Choosing Christ in the World by Tetlow. It was a good way to go through my life history. So that was really fun. 

So far, the only deadening thing was answering a text during my prayer time and then getting bogged down in researching stuff so I could answer the text. It involved scheduling a meeting, and I just had not nailed down my schedule for next week (because I don't know if I will go to the LIVE Continuing Education conference for Power Pilates.

So that is my day so far. I don't know why I feel like writing. 

I have 3 minutes on my timer, but I am done! 

Thursday Thirteen Freewrite

My timer is set for thirteen minutes and counting.

Yesterday ended up being quite busy. I slept in until 6:15. I had some prayer and then some reading of Life without Lack because I was leading a discussion, and I needed to review the book. It was a much better read the second time around with the trusty study guide provided by the Renovare Book Club. Their study guides are usually so good. Then I straightened up the house for Valentina and Pieter. 

At 7:30, Elizabeth and I ZOOMED for one hour and fifteen minutes. It was life-giving. I love that woman, and we are going to start meeting regularly again. She was out and about so much for the last year that we did not have a regular time. 

After this, Valentina and Pieter came, but I hid in my spiritual direction and read more of Life without Lack and answered the study guide questions. Getting through all of this took me up to 1:00 pm. It was good to focus just on this for most of the morning. 

Then at 1:30, I led a 1 1/2 hour ZOOM discussion on the book and our own spiritual formation. They are a lovely group of five other women, and I feel privileged to be with them every other month. But this was our last book for this year. It was a great discussion. 

Then I had a little bit of a break to eat my lunch (late) and so two more thing on my list: mail the gift card to April and Gene and contact Teala. I also put away some of the many books that have strewn all over the house after Enneagram and Spiritual Direction training and leading the Living in Sacred Balance leadership class that I taught in April. I still have quite a pile, but it is now all in one chair in my direction room. 

Then, then I listened to the Webinar with the two people that led the entire group through this book. But I was able to listen and also work on the handout for my Pilates classes today. I am giving them the list of the exercises with all the REPS and having them do it on their own so they can see if they remember how to do it without me telling them what the next exercise is. :) 

Then at 5:00 pm, I went to the Manresa retreat, day four. It was a talk on the Paschal Journey of Jesus. Then we were separated into groups where we talked about our own Paschal Journey for 20 minutes and seven people, but it worked! 

Then I RESTED. During one of the short breaks, I wrote the person who had contributed to my deadening day on Monday and told them that they might have misunderstood me and that I was sorry for not communicating better. I got such a sweet letter back! So that was nice. Monday was so great until that, but I worked through all my feelings in my Examen prayer time. That was so healthy for me. So it was two days before I was able to gently responded. George and I talked a lot about it too. 

Well, there is the timer going off. TTFN! 

Tuesday Morning Freewrite

Well, yesterday was very productive. I had a very long list of things to do (read yesterday's freewrite), and I was able to get through half of them and enjoy the productivity. I was still a bit tired from all the activity of Saturday. It was so fulfilling, and I was not tired as I was doing it, but I think I am now. It is a "good kind of tired" though. I was so blessed to be with people from around the world whom I love with all my heart. 

I was OK until some things that happened in the evening. I just was disturbed by it. George and I debriefed about it this morning as he overheard some of it. I have to just let it go. George said last night as we were going to bed, "It sounds like there were some deadening things that happened for you during that." It was deadening. So I can just let it go and move on. I could go to a morose Type Four and feel like I do not fit in, and I am different. Or I can go into that inner room of Type Four with God and get his perspective. 

The UK Blessing video really lifted me higher. I love hearing my brothers and sisters in Christ bless their nation. Now that is life-giving for me. It was much how I felt at the conclusion of our 12-hour prayer vigil on Saturday. Is this what heaven will be like? And by golly, there is a HEAVEN! I tasted its sweetness with our 12th hour of prayer with people from all over the world gathering.

So, I sit here now trying to figure out what I can do to offer variety to my Pilates students when I am so relying on music and props to make my class exciting. I cannot do Bender Balls. I cannot do Swiss/Fit Balls. I cannot do ROLLERS very easily. So, I think today has got to be a Disney Day! It will lift people up and me too.

After that, I will finish up my Enneagram Typing questions which are the last big assignment that I have with this class. I am able to miss one more class and still get my certificate, but if I miss it, it usually means a ton of homework that I have to submit that is far more than just going to the last four-hour class. So I will just go. I have 24 days of this class and 23 more days of teaching Pilates. So it is just a little more than three weeks! So let's do this! 

George says his "LOCKDOWN HIGH" has been being home and going for walks together, and I have to agree.  His "LOCKDOWN LOW" was getting yelled at by his boss on the phone. I think my LOCKDOWN LOW might have been last night, getting offline and just being sickened by a joke that was made that was so out of line. So terrible. That and getting chastised in front of everyone. Not cool. If you are going to chastise, you do it privately. That is appropriate. Sometimes, I think that person does not get me, at all. I am still working through those deadening feelings obviously!

I did have some great interaction with my Spiritual Direction trainers. They are such good, humble leaders, and I am happy to be on their website. I also had a good time writing out affirmations for all my cohort members in the Boise Cohort. Really, the whole day was great until the evening. I even liked the Ignatian Manresa Retreat even if the breakout rooms did not work for most of the participants. Actually, it was great afterward as we watched Belgravia!

I also had such sweet memories of Saturday. I guess the contrast between that sweet ZOOM meeting and last night made me realize some things. Life in the Kingdom is so sweet! 

Monday Morning Freewrite

I have a fairly free day today. I am recovered from our prayer vigil. So today will be a workday with all the different things I have "in the fire." What are the things that I need to do this week:

1) Develop Typing interview questions for the 9 Types and 3 Instinctual Variants within each type 
2) Clarify when I am to start The First Spiritual Exercises retreat.
3) Contact J about our meeting over the phone this week.
4) Call Teala. I totally could not get back to her last week because I was so busy with the PUMP party. 
5) Affirmations on BOX
6) Pray for Eunice (it is her day of the month)
7) Listen to Pigs Have Wings and Walk
8) Refile and download all pertinent things from BOX as a final thing to do for the SD Training.
9) Put books away that I am no longer looking to because SD Training is over.
10) Mail the card to G and A.
11) Manresa Retreat 5 pm
12) Type 8 Panel for Enneagram certification 6:30 pm
13) 18th Annotation Editing
14) Get my Website Up and running. 
15) Apply to be on Marty and Sandy's website (there is a form somewhere on my computer for this.
16) Read Life without Lack before Wednesday and look at the study guide things for it. 
17) Get Advance Pilate Playlist ready for my P2 students for tomorrow.
18) Prayer and Praise Pilates for me! 

I am sure there is more, but that is all for now. :) 

I was able to have a really good night of sleep! I woke up at 3am after the PUMP, and I don't know why. So I needed to catch up on my sleep Sunday-Monday. It was so great to wake up to GEORGE'S alarm! That rarely happens. 

There is so much that is so good going on. I am really content. 

I am also going to stick back to my eating plan. I went off the rails for a few days, but I am back in the swing of things. It gets like this when I am busy. I have some mindless eating days, but I am focused on projects. Today. Oh, and tomorrow for Pilates II I will have them watch the addition Advanced Exercises, and we will add them as time allows. I have one student having ACL surgery. So I am needing to check in with her to make sure she will be doing the extra credit and also the last three classes. That will give her 2 1/2 weeks for recovery. This is just a little added thing to my job. 

This summer, I would love to develop a Prayer and Praise Pilates class. That has been my desire ever since I started teaching five years ago. 

I am sure there is more I need to do this week, but that is a very good running list for now. I need to FOCUS! :) 

Oh, time with God was so good this morning. I meditated ONCE AGAIN on Ps 139, but I loved how it was in The Message version. Some of the wording was different, and it was nice to dialogue with God about this. 

Should I have a separate listening journal for my First Exercises Retreat with Jeannette of SEEL PDX? I am really happy and excited about that. Amy is doing it too, and she was in my orientation meeting last night. I am excited to go on this journey with her as well. 

I think my time is going down. There it is! TTFN. Happy Monday! 

BYE! 

Mother's Day Morning Freewrite

I cannot believe I have not written a freewrite in almost a week. What a week though. I think I was pretty busy and probably put a lot more time into planning the PUMP Party than I thought! 

We spent 12 hours praying for the world, and we really did have a party! It was so fun because I recruited different people for each prayer hour. It was awesome. I will have to look to see how many people we had for each session. For each section, it was 9-18. We started out with only four in the morning for the worship, but that is not unusual. We ended the worship time with more though. The biggest session was the last for North Africa, but that was because five workers for those places came along with E. She is the universal people gatherer! And what was nice was that many of them stayed for the final 15 minutes of worship and praise. Of course, I cried. This was our sixth one, and it might be my favorite. I loved the fact that I could get up and walk around during the time. When we do it in the Upper Room, there is nowhere to go really. And nowhere to sit comfortably. I also liked that people could share maps and pictures and such. The only thing that was more awkward was worship, but I just got up and danced around to worship. We tried a couple of times singing together, but it did not work as there was echoing and timing issues. All in all, it was a great time.

I start a "First Exercises" retreat with SEEL PDX tonight. That should be very fun. Then I will do a retreat with Manresa for four nights, Monday-Thursday. I also have my Type 8 panel for Enneagram class on Monday. I have to get an assignment in on Tuesday. Oh, I am also meeting with one of the HOME moms sometime on Monday. After my assignment is in. I have a Typing Interview class on Friday for Enneagram. After that, I have only six more classes for Pilates OSU and one more class of Enneagram. Then, I believe all my obligations for the school year are over. 

So I have a freer summer. Last summer I had a freer one, and I was great guns on home projects, but then I broke my leg. So I couldn't get around cleaning and scrubbing. So hopefully I will get some of my projects around the house done. I think I will also adapt my 19th annotation manual to the 18th annotation too. I didn't particularly like how I did it with M this year, but I just didn't have the time to put all that work to adapt it. As it was, it took me three hours each time we met until I decided it was too much for her. Then I really paired it down so it was more manageable for her for the last three times we met.  

But the PUMParty is done for another year. It was one of my favorites. It really was.

Well, I have forty seconds. So I will sign off.

Happy Mother's Day to me! 

Monday Morning Freewrite

Well that happened. I am exhausted this Monday morning. And thankfully, other than one Spiritual Direction appointment at 1 pm, I am free for the day. I slept in until almost 7 am this morning. That is so unusual for me. But, my boys made a lot of noise in the early morning hours on Sunday. So I did not get a very good sleep that night. So I am making up for it. I think I fell asleep at 9pm!

I am listening to A Quiet Knowing by Jeff Johnson. So peaceful. I am at peace. I think that I will know how much went into the last year and nine months now that I am finished with one of my major "Big Hairy Audacious Goals" (BHAG) to go through a Spiritual Direction Certification course. I did the School of Sustainable Faith and was led through it by Sandy and Marty Boller. I cannot vouch for the rest of the trainers (except my spiritual director Fran Love, who is the bomb), but Marty and Sandy were excellent! So I heartily recommend this; but like I said, I think I will realize how much it was to go to Boise every other month. My investment was twice as much because it was two days of training and two days of travel. I am very happy I did it, and the drive to Boise is so lovely. I did like having the last module here in my home and via ZOOM. That made everything half the time commitment, and I could go and walk in my lovely neighborhood on the breaks (not much selection in walking in the neighborhood in Boise). All in all, I am very happy I did, even though I think I have been doing it for quite a while, it is nice to have confirmation that this is what I have been and should be doing for my life. :) 

I was in a bit of shock yesterday. Did it really just happen? Am I really done? I set up my bio for the ESDA - Evangelical Spiritual Directors Association.  I had already set up my bio for the Spiritual Directors International. That is an interesting group because they are not only Christians. I also figured out how to do online scheduling. I included my Personal Training and Pilates on there too and called it Body and Soul Companion. That about says it! The next step is the website. I might have to use a template because hiring someone is really spendy. 

I also finished my second edit of the Exercises for Everyone. I think I am ready to give a link to everyone, or maybe I will go through it just one more time for typos. I am just not good at spotting typos. My problem with reading through is that I keep trying to change it too. LOL! I have a dream of taking a group through these. I have three people in mind. Just four of us, meeting one time a month. I am always looking for connection with others. That is how I know I am a Type Two on the Enneagram. LOL! 

Speaking of the Enneagram. All my coursework is done. My Type Five paper (in collaboration with another member of the class) was sent out to others, and they liked it. On Monday the 11th, my Type Eight paper will go out with a panel discussion. Then I have a Typing Interviews class on the 15th for four hours. The professional and practical applications four-hour class on June 5th. That means only 10.25 hours left! This has been plenty for me, and other than wanting so badly to just get certified through the Enneagram Institute (really expensive and in New York), I am done with my training. This was really thorough, and I feel really confident to be able to teach on it and also to help people discover how they can grow with this tool. That is all it is, a tool. 

That will be done the day after I am done with my Pilates online experiment. It has been more draining than life-giving for me, but I have learned so much. So I am grateful. 

The summer looks like just subbing for Timberhill and G3 (if they ever reopen). In the summer, I would love to set up my online Prayer Pilates! I have a vision for this, but I would love to have someone do the technical film and sound stuff! 

Oh yes, there is the prayer party on Friday. It has come together quite well. We will see how it goes. I think this could be the last one. I love it, but it might be the end of this era. I hold it with an open hand. This is our sixth time. We just have 2 1/2 more hours of slots to fill. So we are doing really well. 

Well, there is my timer. On to my discernment prayer time (Finding God in Each Moment: The Practice of Discernment in Everyday Life).