Yesterday was a great day. I woke up this morning so different from how I went to bed. I miss George this morning. It is his birthday, and I was hoping to go up to see him but I realized that 1) Paul will not have a car to get to work, and 2) I have Valentina and Peter coming in the morning. So, it won't work out.
I am also going to do a silent class this morning for both classes, and I am always tentative to do this. It doesn't always please people, and you know how I love to please "all the people all the time." :) HAHAHAHAHAHA.
It really is fine. I will figure it out. A part of me just wants to go back to bed. So maybe I am not feeling well. I cannot tell.
I had such a productive day yesterday getting my handouts and exercises ready for the little workshop I am going to do on March 7. I don't know what my problem is right now. So I will just go with the feeling.
A part of it is that little monsters of doubt came back about all the junk spewed at me in December. What if it is true? I know I had laid that to rest because no one believes it is true. It was a broken mirror. Really probably more true about the other person than me. I have heard the psychological term "projection" thrown out a lot by friends and family who know me well. It still hurt so deeply. I am feeling like this is good to just keep writing about it. I know my personality type tends to "edit feelings" and "positively reframe" things so often. So if the feelings come back, even in smaller doses, I am going to not fight them and express them honestly.
My meditation this morning was on sending out the disciples in Matthew 10. They would be persecuted. The Spirit of the Father would give them the words to say at the proper time, and I need to know that I will have the right words to say at the right time. A part of me just wants to be with George. I just want my hubby home. I am so grateful that we are so solid. We are so supportive of each other. I am so praying for the third Weaver man to get a job. Michael got one last week. Paul got one at the end of December. Now it is George's turn. He has a job, but I would like him to have a new one that has him home every night. There was one where he would telecommute once a week. It would be great if it were a Monday. Then I could go up with him every Monday and then we could come back together every Monday night. That would be so very cool. I know there is that one job that offers that, but he has not heard a thing. He is wondering because he is too old.
I am just rambling, but that is what a freewrite is supposed to do. This is part of my healing.
The workshop I am doing will look at the three instinctual variants:
1) Self-Preservation (Zone 1: Personal maintenance, Zone 2: Practical wisdom, Zone 3: Domesticity)
2) Sexual (Zone 1: Arousal, Zone 2: Attraction, Zone 3:Fushion) - this is not only sexual this is about what ignites a fire in you.
3) Social (Zone 1: Reading people and Situations, Zone 2: Creating and Maintaining Connections and Bonds, Zone 3: Contribution and Participation)
Reviewing Russ Hudson's class has been SO GOOD! I love it. I think he has a better handle on defining these three variants than most people. With his definition, I am definitely a Social who loves one on one relationships. One on One is mistakenly how people describe the sexual, but Russ gives a good case where this is not necessarily what that means. I am so glad I can review these lectures. Now, I am going to edit my Type descriptions for people to look at AFTER I explain this. I do not want people to get hung up on the Type descriptions and not see that the transformational work comes from working on their blind spot.
Fifteen minutes are done. Now to get ready for classes. Silent classes await.
Tuesday, February 18, 2020
Monday, February 17, 2020
Monday Fifteen Minute Freewrite
I am in my bedroom in the afternoon. I decided to go straight to working on the workshop I will be teaching instead of doing this in the mornings after my prayer and scripture time. I have the handout completed but not edited. I also went through how I would teach it. This is good, and I have 19 more days to get this all together. :)
Today, I meditated on Jesus Calming the Storm in the Spiritual Exercises. I walked around the track at the elementary school a couple of times in the pretty early morning, not realizing that there is no school today because of President's Day. So I can walk anytime today. It was 33 degrees. So I was pretty bundled up.
After this, I worked on my handouts. I think it will be really good. The second walk I took was a break to listen to Dombey and Son. I think this book is 37 hours long. So, I am slowly making my way through it. I love Dickens though. As I am going through the Instinctual Variants, I realize how much books give me a vacation from my dominant variant of social where I am thinking about others and how this thing will affect them! I get lost in the book. I love it. I was bundled up like the morning, but I should not have been. I got REALLY hot about halfway through my walk! I had my thermal underwear, Nike long-sleeved shirt, polar fleece jacket, big coat, and hat, and gloves! Too much.
The good news is that I met my exercise goal for the day and my move goal was met about fifteen minutes ago. I went back to my handout and added the exercises that I will have the group do on their own. I think I will teach for 1/2 hour, give them alone time to do the exercise 1/2 hour, come back together and discuss what they learned for a 1/2 hour. That will be good enough for me. I need to get the teaching down. I timed myself at 20 minutes, but I needed to look at my handout a LOT. I want to just have it in my head. But I have a lot of time to do that.
I listened to the video that they used to use for this, and it is SO CONFUSING. I also think that so many people get mixed up and limit the Sexual instinct to mean only one to one relationships, and it is not only about that. It is about creative energy. It can be that "zing" you get in adventure or going beyond boundaries. I love how Russ teaches it, and it makes so much more sense when he teaches it, and it is so much more applicable when he teaches it that way.
So, I got a little bit overloaded working on this. I have put a good 3-4 hours. So I am going to ruminate until Wednesday and take another stab at it. In the meantime, I am writing this freewrite.
Oh, I also had a nice little chat with Julie of my "Tribe"! I love the girl (the one who first told me about Freewrites and BHAGs). She had surgery, and I didn't even know it. Shows you how out of touch I have been with her. She is a self-preservation Type Four which totally shows how she can run a business! She rocks. So good to catch up with her.
I also had an exchange back and forth with Meredith by voice texts about spending time in solitude for a Type Two. That was meaningful and lovely. Also, texted back and forth with Nan.
I think I will go up to Newberg to celebrate George's birthday with him and see his mom since I have not seen her since Christmas!
I am doing so well. I told Julie what happened to me in December, and she was great. I think I am doing really well with all that. I think I have moved on. She said it is a blessing really. I agree.
Now, for the rest of the afternoon, I will get ready for my spiritual direction time with M. I need to get her hand out ready. I hope she was able to do something with what I gave her last time. :) I think it is better to give others the option of doing this on their own, with a director, or not at all. I don't like that it is forced on them. Ignatius would not have liked that. He said some people are just not ready for it, and I agree!
I am having an apophatic moment. It is that transmitting (sexual is not the word for it when it comes to God) instinct between me and God. I love it. Looking out the window at the clouds and the blue sky and God is right here. He is the spring from within and not going through the channels that Teresa of Avila talks about in the Interior Castle (oh, I also read a bit of that this morning too - I love that Ph.D. thesis that parallels it with The Critical Journey and The Making of a Leader - yummy)
The timer went off. Back to work.
Today, I meditated on Jesus Calming the Storm in the Spiritual Exercises. I walked around the track at the elementary school a couple of times in the pretty early morning, not realizing that there is no school today because of President's Day. So I can walk anytime today. It was 33 degrees. So I was pretty bundled up.
After this, I worked on my handouts. I think it will be really good. The second walk I took was a break to listen to Dombey and Son. I think this book is 37 hours long. So, I am slowly making my way through it. I love Dickens though. As I am going through the Instinctual Variants, I realize how much books give me a vacation from my dominant variant of social where I am thinking about others and how this thing will affect them! I get lost in the book. I love it. I was bundled up like the morning, but I should not have been. I got REALLY hot about halfway through my walk! I had my thermal underwear, Nike long-sleeved shirt, polar fleece jacket, big coat, and hat, and gloves! Too much.
The good news is that I met my exercise goal for the day and my move goal was met about fifteen minutes ago. I went back to my handout and added the exercises that I will have the group do on their own. I think I will teach for 1/2 hour, give them alone time to do the exercise 1/2 hour, come back together and discuss what they learned for a 1/2 hour. That will be good enough for me. I need to get the teaching down. I timed myself at 20 minutes, but I needed to look at my handout a LOT. I want to just have it in my head. But I have a lot of time to do that.
I listened to the video that they used to use for this, and it is SO CONFUSING. I also think that so many people get mixed up and limit the Sexual instinct to mean only one to one relationships, and it is not only about that. It is about creative energy. It can be that "zing" you get in adventure or going beyond boundaries. I love how Russ teaches it, and it makes so much more sense when he teaches it, and it is so much more applicable when he teaches it that way.
So, I got a little bit overloaded working on this. I have put a good 3-4 hours. So I am going to ruminate until Wednesday and take another stab at it. In the meantime, I am writing this freewrite.
Oh, I also had a nice little chat with Julie of my "Tribe"! I love the girl (the one who first told me about Freewrites and BHAGs). She had surgery, and I didn't even know it. Shows you how out of touch I have been with her. She is a self-preservation Type Four which totally shows how she can run a business! She rocks. So good to catch up with her.
I also had an exchange back and forth with Meredith by voice texts about spending time in solitude for a Type Two. That was meaningful and lovely. Also, texted back and forth with Nan.
I think I will go up to Newberg to celebrate George's birthday with him and see his mom since I have not seen her since Christmas!
I am doing so well. I told Julie what happened to me in December, and she was great. I think I am doing really well with all that. I think I have moved on. She said it is a blessing really. I agree.
Now, for the rest of the afternoon, I will get ready for my spiritual direction time with M. I need to get her hand out ready. I hope she was able to do something with what I gave her last time. :) I think it is better to give others the option of doing this on their own, with a director, or not at all. I don't like that it is forced on them. Ignatius would not have liked that. He said some people are just not ready for it, and I agree!
I am having an apophatic moment. It is that transmitting (sexual is not the word for it when it comes to God) instinct between me and God. I love it. Looking out the window at the clouds and the blue sky and God is right here. He is the spring from within and not going through the channels that Teresa of Avila talks about in the Interior Castle (oh, I also read a bit of that this morning too - I love that Ph.D. thesis that parallels it with The Critical Journey and The Making of a Leader - yummy)
The timer went off. Back to work.
Friday, February 14, 2020
Revisiting Rory Gilmore's Reading Challenge - 144 Books
I posted about this in 2012. My friend sent me the link so I could check off all that I had read. I had never even heard of Rory Gilmore prior to this. Here is the list with the new books added in BLUE.
I have read 17 since I first posted 127. So I am up to 144. :)
I have read 17 since I first posted 127. So I am up to 144. :)
Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge
1984 by George Orwell
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll – read – July 2010
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank - multiple movies and play
Archidamian War by Donald Kagan
The Art of Fiction by Henry James
The Art of War by Sun Tzu
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Atonement by Ian McEwan
Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy
The Awakening by Kate Chopin
Babe by Dick King-Smith
Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie
Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Beowulf: A New Verse Translation by Seamus Heaney
The Bhagava Gita
The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1,200 Jews by Peter Duffy
Bitch in Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel
A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Brick Lane by Monica Ali
Bridgadoon by Alan Jay Lerner
Candide by Voltaire – read – June 2010
The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White - and movie
The Children’s Hour by Lillian Hellman
Christine by Stephen King
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens – all movie versions known to man
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse
The Collected Short Stories by Eudora Welty
The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty by Eudora Welty
A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare - multiple plays though
Complete Novels by Dawn Powell
The Complete Poems by Anne Sexton
Complete Stories by Dorothy Parker
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas père - and multiple movie versions
Cousin Bette by Honor’e de Balzac
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber – started and not finished
The Crucible by Arthur Miller
Cujo by Stephen King
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
Daisy Miller by Henry James
Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende
David and Lisa by Dr Theodore Issac Rubin M.D
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens - and multiple movie versions
The Da Vinci -Code by Dan Brown
Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol
Demons by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Deenie by Judy Blume
The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson
The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band by Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and Nikki Sixx
The Divine Comedy by Dante
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
Don Quijote by Cervantes - and musical
Driving Miss Daisy by Alfred Uhrv
Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe - many
Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Wiesen Cook
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe
Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn
Eloise by Kay Thompson
Emily the Strange by Roger Reger
Emma by Jane Austen – and multiple movie versions
Empire Falls by Richard Russo
Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol
Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton - and movie
Ethics by Spinoza
Europe through the Back Door, 2003 by Rick Steves - parts
Eva Luna by Isabel Allende
Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Extravagance by Gary Krist
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore
The Fall of the Athenian Empire by Donald Kagan
Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World by Greg Critser
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
The Fellowship of the Ring: Book 1 of The Lord of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien - and movie
Fiddler on the Roof by Joseph Stein - and movie
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom – and movie
Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce
Fletch by Gregory McDonald
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley - andm movie
Franny and Zooey by J. D. Salinger
Freaky Friday by Mary Rodgers
Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut
Gender Trouble by Judith Butler
George W. Bushism: The Slate Book of the Accidental Wit and Wisdom of our 43rd President by Jacob Weisberg
Gidget by Fredrick Kohner
Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen
The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels
The Godfather: Book 1 by Mario Puzo
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy – started and not finished
Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Alvin Granowsky
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell – and movie
The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford
The Gospel According to Judy Bloom
The Graduate by Charles Webb
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck - and movie
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald – and movie
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens - and multiple movie versions
The Group by Mary McCarthy
Hamlet by William Shakespeare - and multiple movie versions
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J. K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the (Philosopher's) Sorcerer’s Stone by J. K. Rowling
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry - and movie
Henry IV, part I by William Shakespeare
Henry IV, part II by William Shakespeare
Henry V by William Shakespeare
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
Holidays on Ice: Stories by David Sedaris
The Holy Barbarians by Lawrence Lipton
House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III
The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende
How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
How the Light Gets in by M. J. Hyland
Howl by Allen Gingsburg - disgusting!
The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
The Iliad by Homer - and movie Troy
I’m with the Band by Pamela des Barres
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee
Iron Weed by William J. Kennedy
It Takes a Village by Hillary Clinton
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë – and multiple movie versions
The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan - and movie
Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
The Jumping Frog by Mark Twain
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito
The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini - and movie
Lady Chatterleys’ Lover by D. H. Lawrence
The Last Empire: Essays 1992-2000 by Gore Vidal
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield
Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis
Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis - and movie versions
Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens
The Little Locksmith by Katharine Butler Hathaway
The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott – two movie versions too
Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold – read
The Love Story by Erich Segal
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
The Manticore by Robertson Davies
Marathon Man by William Goldman
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir
Memoirs of General W. T. Sherman by William Tecumseh Sherman
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
The Meaning of Consuelo by Judith Ortiz Cofer
Mencken’s Chrestomathy by H. R. Mencken
The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare (saw it in Ashland)
The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
The Miracle Worker by William Gibson
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
The Mojo Collection: The Ultimate Music Companion by Jim Irvin
Moliere: A Biography by Hobart Chatfield Taylor
A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman
Monsieur Proust by Celeste Albaret
A Month Of Sundays: Searching For The Spirit And My Sister by Julie Mars
A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall
My Lai 4: A Report on the Massacre and It’s Aftermath by Seymour M. Hersh
My Life as Author and Editor by H. R. Mencken
My Life in Orange: Growing Up with the Guru by Tim Guest
My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult
The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin - and movie version
Nervous System: Or, Losing My Mind in Literature by Jan Lars Jensen
New Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson
The New Way Things Work by David Macaulay
Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich
Night by Elie Wiesel
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen – two movie versions
The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism by William E. Cain, Laurie A. Finke, Barbara E. Johnson, John P. McGowan
Novels 1930-1942: Dance Night/Come Back to Sorrento, Turn, Magic Wheel/Angels on Toast/A Time to be Born by Dawn Powell
Notes of a Dirty Old Man by Charles Bukowski
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Old School by Tobias Wolff
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens - and muliple movie versions
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey - and movie
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life by Amy Tan
Oracle Night by Paul Auster
Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
Othello by Shakespeare
Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens
The Outbreak of the Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan
Out of Africa by Isac Dineson
The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
The Peace of Nicias and the Sicilian Expedition by Donald Kagan
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Peyton Place by Grace Metalious
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Pigs at the Trough by Arianna Huffington
Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi
Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain
The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby – read
The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker
The Portable Nietzche by Fredrich Nietzche
The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill by Ron Suskind
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen – and multiple movie versions
Property by Valerie Martin
Pushkin: A Biography by T. J. Binyon
Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw (August 2019)
Quattrocento by James Mckean
A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall
Rapunzel by Grimm Brothers
The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe
The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham
Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier – and two movie versions
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
Rescuing Patty Hearst: Memories From a Decade Gone Mad by Virginia Holman
The Return of the King: The Lord of the Rings Book 3 by J. R. R. Tolkien
R Is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton
Rita Hayworth by Stephen King
Robert’s Rules of Order by Henry Robert
Roman Fever by Edith Wharton
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf
A Room with a View by E. M. Forster - and multiple movie versions
Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin - started but TOO SCARY to finish!
Sacred Time by Ursula Hegi
Sanctuary by William Faulkner
Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford
The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum
The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand
The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette by Judith Thurman
Selected Letters of Dawn Powell: 1913-1965 by Dawn Powell
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen - and multiple movie versions
A Separate Peace by John Knowles
Several Biographies of Winston Churchill
Sexus by Henry Miller
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Shane by Jack Shaefer
The Shining by Stephen King
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
S Is for Silence by Sue Grafton
Slaughter-house Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Small Island by Andrea Levy – on my book pile
Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway
Snow White and Rose Red by Grimm Brothers
Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy: Lord and Peasant in the Making of the Modern World by Barrington Moore
The Song of Names by Norman Lebrecht
Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos by Julia de Burgos
The Song Reader by Lisa Tucker
Songbook by Nick Hornby
The Sonnets by William Shakespeare
Sonnets from the Portuegese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov (August 2019)
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach
The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
A Streetcar Named Desiree by Tennessee Williams
Stuart Little by E. B. White
Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust - (August 2019)
Swimming with Giants: My Encounters with Whales, Dolphins and Seals by Anne Collett
Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber - saw it when I was young and SCARY!
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Term of Endearment by Larry McMurtry
Time and Again by Jack Finney
The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger – read
To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Tragedy of Richard III by William Shakespeare
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
The Trial by Franz Kafka
The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson
Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
Ulysses by James Joyce
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 1950-1962 by Sylvia Plath
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Unless by Carol Shields
Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
The Vanishing Newspaper by Philip Meyers
Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
Velvet Underground’s The Velvet Underground and Nico (Thirty Three and a Third series) by Joe Harvard
The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett
Walden by Henry David Thoreau
Walt Disney’s Bambi by Felix Salten
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy - and the mini-series
We Owe You Nothing – Punk Planet: The Collected Interviews edited by Daniel Sinker
What Colour is Your Parachute? 2005 by Richard Nelson Bolles
What Happened to Baby Jane by Henry Farrell
When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka
Who Moved My Cheese? Spencer Johnson
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire – started and not finished
The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum - and the movie
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë - and multiple movie versions
The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (July 2019)
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll – read – July 2010
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank - multiple movies and play
Archidamian War by Donald Kagan
The Art of Fiction by Henry James
The Art of War by Sun Tzu
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Atonement by Ian McEwan
Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy
The Awakening by Kate Chopin
Babe by Dick King-Smith
Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie
Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Beowulf: A New Verse Translation by Seamus Heaney
The Bhagava Gita
The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1,200 Jews by Peter Duffy
Bitch in Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel
A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Brick Lane by Monica Ali
Bridgadoon by Alan Jay Lerner
Candide by Voltaire – read – June 2010
The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White - and movie
The Children’s Hour by Lillian Hellman
Christine by Stephen King
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens – all movie versions known to man
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse
The Collected Short Stories by Eudora Welty
The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty by Eudora Welty
A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare - multiple plays though
Complete Novels by Dawn Powell
The Complete Poems by Anne Sexton
Complete Stories by Dorothy Parker
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas père - and multiple movie versions
Cousin Bette by Honor’e de Balzac
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber – started and not finished
The Crucible by Arthur Miller
Cujo by Stephen King
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
Daisy Miller by Henry James
Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende
David and Lisa by Dr Theodore Issac Rubin M.D
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens - and multiple movie versions
The Da Vinci -Code by Dan Brown
Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol
Demons by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Deenie by Judy Blume
The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson
The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band by Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and Nikki Sixx
The Divine Comedy by Dante
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
Don Quijote by Cervantes - and musical
Driving Miss Daisy by Alfred Uhrv
Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe - many
Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Wiesen Cook
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe
Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn
Eloise by Kay Thompson
Emily the Strange by Roger Reger
Emma by Jane Austen – and multiple movie versions
Empire Falls by Richard Russo
Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol
Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton - and movie
Ethics by Spinoza
Europe through the Back Door, 2003 by Rick Steves - parts
Eva Luna by Isabel Allende
Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Extravagance by Gary Krist
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore
The Fall of the Athenian Empire by Donald Kagan
Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World by Greg Critser
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
The Fellowship of the Ring: Book 1 of The Lord of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien - and movie
Fiddler on the Roof by Joseph Stein - and movie
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom – and movie
Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce
Fletch by Gregory McDonald
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley - andm movie
Franny and Zooey by J. D. Salinger
Freaky Friday by Mary Rodgers
Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut
Gender Trouble by Judith Butler
George W. Bushism: The Slate Book of the Accidental Wit and Wisdom of our 43rd President by Jacob Weisberg
Gidget by Fredrick Kohner
Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen
The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels
The Godfather: Book 1 by Mario Puzo
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy – started and not finished
Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Alvin Granowsky
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell – and movie
The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford
The Gospel According to Judy Bloom
The Graduate by Charles Webb
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck - and movie
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald – and movie
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens - and multiple movie versions
The Group by Mary McCarthy
Hamlet by William Shakespeare - and multiple movie versions
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J. K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the (Philosopher's) Sorcerer’s Stone by J. K. Rowling
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry - and movie
Henry IV, part I by William Shakespeare
Henry IV, part II by William Shakespeare
Henry V by William Shakespeare
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
Holidays on Ice: Stories by David Sedaris
The Holy Barbarians by Lawrence Lipton
House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III
The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende
How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
How the Light Gets in by M. J. Hyland
Howl by Allen Gingsburg - disgusting!
The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
The Iliad by Homer - and movie Troy
I’m with the Band by Pamela des Barres
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee
Iron Weed by William J. Kennedy
It Takes a Village by Hillary Clinton
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë – and multiple movie versions
The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan - and movie
Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
The Jumping Frog by Mark Twain
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito
The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini - and movie
Lady Chatterleys’ Lover by D. H. Lawrence
The Last Empire: Essays 1992-2000 by Gore Vidal
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield
Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis
Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis - and movie versions
Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens
The Little Locksmith by Katharine Butler Hathaway
The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott – two movie versions too
Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold – read
The Love Story by Erich Segal
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
The Manticore by Robertson Davies
Marathon Man by William Goldman
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir
Memoirs of General W. T. Sherman by William Tecumseh Sherman
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
The Meaning of Consuelo by Judith Ortiz Cofer
Mencken’s Chrestomathy by H. R. Mencken
The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare (saw it in Ashland)
The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
The Miracle Worker by William Gibson
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
The Mojo Collection: The Ultimate Music Companion by Jim Irvin
Moliere: A Biography by Hobart Chatfield Taylor
A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman
Monsieur Proust by Celeste Albaret
A Month Of Sundays: Searching For The Spirit And My Sister by Julie Mars
A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall
My Lai 4: A Report on the Massacre and It’s Aftermath by Seymour M. Hersh
My Life as Author and Editor by H. R. Mencken
My Life in Orange: Growing Up with the Guru by Tim Guest
My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult
The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin - and movie version
Nervous System: Or, Losing My Mind in Literature by Jan Lars Jensen
New Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson
The New Way Things Work by David Macaulay
Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich
Night by Elie Wiesel
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen – two movie versions
The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism by William E. Cain, Laurie A. Finke, Barbara E. Johnson, John P. McGowan
Novels 1930-1942: Dance Night/Come Back to Sorrento, Turn, Magic Wheel/Angels on Toast/A Time to be Born by Dawn Powell
Notes of a Dirty Old Man by Charles Bukowski
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Old School by Tobias Wolff
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens - and muliple movie versions
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey - and movie
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life by Amy Tan
Oracle Night by Paul Auster
Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
Othello by Shakespeare
Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens
The Outbreak of the Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan
Out of Africa by Isac Dineson
The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
The Peace of Nicias and the Sicilian Expedition by Donald Kagan
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Peyton Place by Grace Metalious
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Pigs at the Trough by Arianna Huffington
Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi
Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain
The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby – read
The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker
The Portable Nietzche by Fredrich Nietzche
The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill by Ron Suskind
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen – and multiple movie versions
Property by Valerie Martin
Pushkin: A Biography by T. J. Binyon
Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw (August 2019)
Quattrocento by James Mckean
A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall
Rapunzel by Grimm Brothers
The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe
The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham
Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier – and two movie versions
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
Rescuing Patty Hearst: Memories From a Decade Gone Mad by Virginia Holman
The Return of the King: The Lord of the Rings Book 3 by J. R. R. Tolkien
R Is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton
Rita Hayworth by Stephen King
Robert’s Rules of Order by Henry Robert
Roman Fever by Edith Wharton
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf
A Room with a View by E. M. Forster - and multiple movie versions
Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin - started but TOO SCARY to finish!
Sacred Time by Ursula Hegi
Sanctuary by William Faulkner
Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford
The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum
The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand
The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette by Judith Thurman
Selected Letters of Dawn Powell: 1913-1965 by Dawn Powell
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen - and multiple movie versions
A Separate Peace by John Knowles
Several Biographies of Winston Churchill
Sexus by Henry Miller
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Shane by Jack Shaefer
The Shining by Stephen King
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
S Is for Silence by Sue Grafton
Slaughter-house Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Small Island by Andrea Levy – on my book pile
Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway
Snow White and Rose Red by Grimm Brothers
Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy: Lord and Peasant in the Making of the Modern World by Barrington Moore
The Song of Names by Norman Lebrecht
Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos by Julia de Burgos
The Song Reader by Lisa Tucker
Songbook by Nick Hornby
The Sonnets by William Shakespeare
Sonnets from the Portuegese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov (August 2019)
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach
The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
A Streetcar Named Desiree by Tennessee Williams
Stuart Little by E. B. White
Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust - (August 2019)
Swimming with Giants: My Encounters with Whales, Dolphins and Seals by Anne Collett
Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber - saw it when I was young and SCARY!
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Term of Endearment by Larry McMurtry
Time and Again by Jack Finney
The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger – read
To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Tragedy of Richard III by William Shakespeare
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
The Trial by Franz Kafka
The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson
Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
Ulysses by James Joyce
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 1950-1962 by Sylvia Plath
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Unless by Carol Shields
Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
The Vanishing Newspaper by Philip Meyers
Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
Velvet Underground’s The Velvet Underground and Nico (Thirty Three and a Third series) by Joe Harvard
The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett
Walden by Henry David Thoreau
Walt Disney’s Bambi by Felix Salten
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy - and the mini-series
We Owe You Nothing – Punk Planet: The Collected Interviews edited by Daniel Sinker
What Colour is Your Parachute? 2005 by Richard Nelson Bolles
What Happened to Baby Jane by Henry Farrell
When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka
Who Moved My Cheese? Spencer Johnson
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire – started and not finished
The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum - and the movie
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë - and multiple movie versions
The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (July 2019)
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Friday Freewrite Fifteen
Friday Freewrite Fifteen is so alliterative. I have a DAY with nothing on my calendar except Valentine's date dinner of some kind when George gets home. YAY!
It was a great week. I really and truly believe that I am over that hump of grief and processing that I went through recently. God has lifted me up over The Wall. It was meant for my good. It was extremely painful, but I can look back at it with joy and love. I continue to pray for the healing of the paralytic. I am free though. This is a Friday freewrite of freedom.
I am reading Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle, and so far, I don't find it difficult to read at all. I almost think there could be LESS commentary in it and just a straight reading of it. What is great (and I might have already mentioned it here) is that I found a Ph.D. thesis that compares Interior Castle with The Critical Journey (a book we read in spiritual direction training and will return to again in the next two modules) and The Making of a Leader by Clinton! The other two books I have read on this subject. It is a really interesting thesis, and he lives in Portland. What a small world!
Spiritually, it has been a good week meditating through the Lord's Prayer. I remember to pray over my work and weight lifting class. I think I handled a couple of things on Monday that would have sent me reeling emotionally and did not as I sought George's Type Nine opinion of both situations and sought Kim's prayer support because she is so similar. I could let it go.
What is so great is that I had a long talk with God about the anxiety I felt about Michael still not having a job, and I gave it over in the best way. Now, Michael has a job!
So I am going to apply that same thing for George. He has had a good, almost seven-year run up there in Hillsboro, but I think it is time to have him come home. We miss each other. We have gotten so close through the separation (but we have always been pretty close). We just have not felt the need to move up there permanently. So I am asking for a great job down here and leaving it in God's hands like I did for Michael. I love my men. I love that they are hard and disciplined workers.
Physically, I am doing so great. I have realized more and more that some of my issue has been how I carry stress in my muscles. I catch myself in the act of not breathing, tightening my muscles in the pelvic and root of my spine. So I am being more conscious of not carrying the stress, doing awareness exercises, and something I learned long ago, do not sit longer than an hour at a time. I can get so focused and in my head sometimes that I don't listen to my body. So I am listening to the feedback of my body a lot more.
Pilates class has also whipped me back into shape, big time. I was sore from class this last week. So I am still not up to the same strength I was before my injury, but I am really close and can feel my muscles responding really well.
I am also on my eleventh day of disciplined eating and recording. I don't have time to be part of the LoseIt! community anymore, but I realized I was not going there for recording because I felt bad for not responding to others. I want to be reciprocal in my encouragement, but the goal is to be healthy. I do comment when I can, but I cannot spend that much time there since I already spend so much time at the computer for other things. I think I have lost four pounds. I think I gained fifteen altogether in the broken leg. I remember having to let all of that go, and I wish I had not done it, but so much of my maintenance is my activity level. Medications also make me eat more. But that is all over now. So I am on the road back down. Only eleven more to go until I am back to what I would like to be (and I should add the even with the fifteen pound gain, I was still in my weight range, I just hate being at the top of that range).
It was a great week. I really and truly believe that I am over that hump of grief and processing that I went through recently. God has lifted me up over The Wall. It was meant for my good. It was extremely painful, but I can look back at it with joy and love. I continue to pray for the healing of the paralytic. I am free though. This is a Friday freewrite of freedom.
I am reading Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle, and so far, I don't find it difficult to read at all. I almost think there could be LESS commentary in it and just a straight reading of it. What is great (and I might have already mentioned it here) is that I found a Ph.D. thesis that compares Interior Castle with The Critical Journey (a book we read in spiritual direction training and will return to again in the next two modules) and The Making of a Leader by Clinton! The other two books I have read on this subject. It is a really interesting thesis, and he lives in Portland. What a small world!
Spiritually, it has been a good week meditating through the Lord's Prayer. I remember to pray over my work and weight lifting class. I think I handled a couple of things on Monday that would have sent me reeling emotionally and did not as I sought George's Type Nine opinion of both situations and sought Kim's prayer support because she is so similar. I could let it go.
What is so great is that I had a long talk with God about the anxiety I felt about Michael still not having a job, and I gave it over in the best way. Now, Michael has a job!
So I am going to apply that same thing for George. He has had a good, almost seven-year run up there in Hillsboro, but I think it is time to have him come home. We miss each other. We have gotten so close through the separation (but we have always been pretty close). We just have not felt the need to move up there permanently. So I am asking for a great job down here and leaving it in God's hands like I did for Michael. I love my men. I love that they are hard and disciplined workers.
Physically, I am doing so great. I have realized more and more that some of my issue has been how I carry stress in my muscles. I catch myself in the act of not breathing, tightening my muscles in the pelvic and root of my spine. So I am being more conscious of not carrying the stress, doing awareness exercises, and something I learned long ago, do not sit longer than an hour at a time. I can get so focused and in my head sometimes that I don't listen to my body. So I am listening to the feedback of my body a lot more.
Pilates class has also whipped me back into shape, big time. I was sore from class this last week. So I am still not up to the same strength I was before my injury, but I am really close and can feel my muscles responding really well.
I am also on my eleventh day of disciplined eating and recording. I don't have time to be part of the LoseIt! community anymore, but I realized I was not going there for recording because I felt bad for not responding to others. I want to be reciprocal in my encouragement, but the goal is to be healthy. I do comment when I can, but I cannot spend that much time there since I already spend so much time at the computer for other things. I think I have lost four pounds. I think I gained fifteen altogether in the broken leg. I remember having to let all of that go, and I wish I had not done it, but so much of my maintenance is my activity level. Medications also make me eat more. But that is all over now. So I am on the road back down. Only eleven more to go until I am back to what I would like to be (and I should add the even with the fifteen pound gain, I was still in my weight range, I just hate being at the top of that range).
Wednesday, February 12, 2020
Wednesday Morning Freewrite Examen
Review of Tuesday
Three things I a Grateful For:
1) Teaching at OSU - I know I keep on saying this, but I LOVE my job. I LOVE my students. I LOVE my coworkers. It is just a positive and uplifting environment all the way around.
2) Exercising and getting paid for it - I love taking care of my body and also helping people. The soreness feels so good this morning.
3) Reading the Interior Castle last night instead of just vegging in front of the TV
4) Not overeating!
Where did you see God?
At the beginning of the day - I saw him in my meditation in Scripture. I was focusing again on "Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
Later morning - Riding my bike. It is so fun to not have to stop at Stop signs anymore :). It was crisp but fun to ride. Fun to teach students that laugh at my jokes (at least Pilates I students do).
Middle of the day - Remembered to pray "Thy Kingdom come" in the middle of my weight lifting class instead of focusing on my leg feeling weird and "tweaking." Entered into his presence in the midst of that. Rode my bike back.
Afternoon - Really tired! Tuesdays are the biggest day, but I did not overeat! That is where I was protected by the power of God. I did watch a bit of mindless TV and rested. I also read Cat's Eyes and Dombey and Son.
Evening - Read Interior Castle and read the study guide and article by Dallas Willard that goes along with it. Connected with his presence in the midst of it. I really like the book so far, and this was God's prompting when I first got up Tuesday morning. I watch some New Hampshire primary news and George came home and we debriefed his council meeting.
End of the Day - I tried to watch Downton Abbey but could not keep my eyes open. I was asleep before 10pm (and had fun dreams of being on a cruise with all the fun people on cruises in the past).
Regret - Watching more mindless TV than I would like to. Also, I had a negative thought about someone who hurt me (want to nip these in the bud since I am so OVER that situation that happened - dealt with the hurt, had surgery, now in rehabilitation). I acknowledge this, ask for forgiveness, and ask for the grace to do better in the future.
The most meaningful part of the day - Probably reading Interior Castle and having another overwhelming connection with the presence of God at my dining room table. It felt so good to 1) not watch TV and 2) to not overeat!
What do you want me to know about this?
Three things I a Grateful For:
1) Teaching at OSU - I know I keep on saying this, but I LOVE my job. I LOVE my students. I LOVE my coworkers. It is just a positive and uplifting environment all the way around.
2) Exercising and getting paid for it - I love taking care of my body and also helping people. The soreness feels so good this morning.
3) Reading the Interior Castle last night instead of just vegging in front of the TV
4) Not overeating!
Where did you see God?
At the beginning of the day - I saw him in my meditation in Scripture. I was focusing again on "Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
Later morning - Riding my bike. It is so fun to not have to stop at Stop signs anymore :). It was crisp but fun to ride. Fun to teach students that laugh at my jokes (at least Pilates I students do).
Middle of the day - Remembered to pray "Thy Kingdom come" in the middle of my weight lifting class instead of focusing on my leg feeling weird and "tweaking." Entered into his presence in the midst of that. Rode my bike back.
Afternoon - Really tired! Tuesdays are the biggest day, but I did not overeat! That is where I was protected by the power of God. I did watch a bit of mindless TV and rested. I also read Cat's Eyes and Dombey and Son.
Evening - Read Interior Castle and read the study guide and article by Dallas Willard that goes along with it. Connected with his presence in the midst of it. I really like the book so far, and this was God's prompting when I first got up Tuesday morning. I watch some New Hampshire primary news and George came home and we debriefed his council meeting.
End of the Day - I tried to watch Downton Abbey but could not keep my eyes open. I was asleep before 10pm (and had fun dreams of being on a cruise with all the fun people on cruises in the past).
Regret - Watching more mindless TV than I would like to. Also, I had a negative thought about someone who hurt me (want to nip these in the bud since I am so OVER that situation that happened - dealt with the hurt, had surgery, now in rehabilitation). I acknowledge this, ask for forgiveness, and ask for the grace to do better in the future.
The most meaningful part of the day - Probably reading Interior Castle and having another overwhelming connection with the presence of God at my dining room table. It felt so good to 1) not watch TV and 2) to not overeat!
What do you want me to know about this?
Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
And you will find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
Tuesday Morning Freewrite
The last week or so has been a whirlwind. At least for me, it has been a whirlwind. After hearing the Type Three panel, I realize that my life is not a whirlwind. LOL! How helpful to have this panel. The last panel was the hardest for me to understand and relate to as they discussed being a Type Six. I learned so much, but there was so much I could identify with the Type Three because they are in the same "heart" triad as me. Also, one of my wings is a Type Three.
This morning, I will finish grading up my papers, ride my bike to work, teach two classes, lift weights, and ride my bike back. Then I am going to veg for the rest of the day. Last week was two spiritual direction appointments, teaching four Pilates classes, one weight lifting class, grading numerous papers, a dinner and information night with Nessa, Women's Basketball Alumni Weekend, Renovare Book Club on Doors into Prayer, hair cut and color, Dial A Book volunteering, instinctual variant teaching preparation, going up to Hillsboro to be with George, missional community at the Gs, kicking off planning for the PUMP Party, talk with Marty about teaching, talk with Dale about answering questions about Type Six, panel discussion, and meditating through the Lord's prayer.
All that said, is that it is time for a little downtime. In many ways, it was a balance between body, mind, and spirit!
I have been meditating this morning, and I feel like I need to delve more deeply into the whole issue of SHAME. This is at the heart of the heart triad. I realize if I were to boil emotions down to three kinds: I feel . . . mad . . . sad . . . bad, BAD is definitely the one I feel more than the other two. I think the last time I was truly mad was January of 2018. It is not that I have tried not to be mad or that I have repressed my feelings of anger, that is not my "go-to" emotion, and I think that is OK. Even though my accuser accused me of this in December, I just don't see any evidence of this in my life, overtly or repressed. But I feel SHAME and bad. Like yesterday, when I politely asked a man if he wouldn't mind switching study rooms since he was only going to get to be in the room for an hour because I had reserved it once the library opened, and there was another room totally empty. Instead of me setting up in that room and then having to move, would he mind going there so I could set up? He was ticked at me for asking. He left in a huff and did not take the other room as an option. I felt HORRIBLE for about an hour until something else came up that I felt bad about. LOL! I do want to break the cycle of SHAME. I do know that I asked my objective husband what he thinks of the scenario, and I ask my Type Two Twin, Kim, to pray (because she can totally relate with how I feel). This has helped, but I want to get to the bottom of why I feel that way. I want to know how to deal with my shame in constructive ways.
There is the timer. Now I am off to grade those final papers and get ready to go and teach my class. TTFN.
(P.S. I will say that these Freewrites really do help me go to that Type Four self-nurturing place and to get my feelings out there.)
This morning, I will finish grading up my papers, ride my bike to work, teach two classes, lift weights, and ride my bike back. Then I am going to veg for the rest of the day. Last week was two spiritual direction appointments, teaching four Pilates classes, one weight lifting class, grading numerous papers, a dinner and information night with Nessa, Women's Basketball Alumni Weekend, Renovare Book Club on Doors into Prayer, hair cut and color, Dial A Book volunteering, instinctual variant teaching preparation, going up to Hillsboro to be with George, missional community at the Gs, kicking off planning for the PUMP Party, talk with Marty about teaching, talk with Dale about answering questions about Type Six, panel discussion, and meditating through the Lord's prayer.
All that said, is that it is time for a little downtime. In many ways, it was a balance between body, mind, and spirit!
I have been meditating this morning, and I feel like I need to delve more deeply into the whole issue of SHAME. This is at the heart of the heart triad. I realize if I were to boil emotions down to three kinds: I feel . . . mad . . . sad . . . bad, BAD is definitely the one I feel more than the other two. I think the last time I was truly mad was January of 2018. It is not that I have tried not to be mad or that I have repressed my feelings of anger, that is not my "go-to" emotion, and I think that is OK. Even though my accuser accused me of this in December, I just don't see any evidence of this in my life, overtly or repressed. But I feel SHAME and bad. Like yesterday, when I politely asked a man if he wouldn't mind switching study rooms since he was only going to get to be in the room for an hour because I had reserved it once the library opened, and there was another room totally empty. Instead of me setting up in that room and then having to move, would he mind going there so I could set up? He was ticked at me for asking. He left in a huff and did not take the other room as an option. I felt HORRIBLE for about an hour until something else came up that I felt bad about. LOL! I do want to break the cycle of SHAME. I do know that I asked my objective husband what he thinks of the scenario, and I ask my Type Two Twin, Kim, to pray (because she can totally relate with how I feel). This has helped, but I want to get to the bottom of why I feel that way. I want to know how to deal with my shame in constructive ways.
There is the timer. Now I am off to grade those final papers and get ready to go and teach my class. TTFN.
(P.S. I will say that these Freewrites really do help me go to that Type Four self-nurturing place and to get my feelings out there.)
Monday, February 10, 2020
Monday Morning Freewrite
I will be leaving for Hillsboro in 45 minutes, but I will just have a quick freewrite this morning. Then I will be ready to get to work at the library up there. I have the room for most of the day with a 1-hour break that I will use to walk to Costco and back and get a salad for our dinner. We have the Type 3 panel at PSU tonight. So that should be good since it is one of my wings and George's heart connection point. I need to print off the Type 3 sheet. I don't remember getting it, but I am sure that I did.
This morning, my meditation was on "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." I have quoted Prompts for Prayerwalkers in the manual I wrote Exercises for Everyone. (If you are reading this and want a copy, I am always looking for people who would like to test drive this manual. Contact me.) I am looking forward to prayer walking during the Seek God for the City time between February 23 and Palm Sunday. I am not sure I will go to the prayer times with the pastors though.
Yesterday was eye-opening for me. I spent a good chunk of the weekend going down memory lane at my university with other basketball alumni. It was lovely, but I have to say that the most life-giving part of my weekend was missing the game on Friday to go to N's dinner and talk about her work in Central Asia (praying over her and then talking with her aunt about spiritual direction afterward), doing bible study with T in Central Asia over WhatsApp on both Saturday and Sunday, and talking via WhatsApp with J about his desires to see God's kingdom come to his city in Asia. That is where my heartbeat lies and what has been most life-giving to me throughout my life. Sometimes I feel so funny when I am in that world of sports. I always have, but I feel so "in the groove" when it comes to kingdom things. So that was helpful to do an examen this morning to figure that out.
Speaking of the Examen, Carey gave a talk on confession, and she gave an example of the Examen to the whole congregation. Come to think of it, that was life-giving too. :)
I love my old coach and teammates (only one was there this time as compared to many more last year - I guess the ones I know better were there on Friday night, and I was at N's thing) though. I pray for your kingdom to come to OSU WBB!
What I am looking forward to today:
1) Drive up to Hillsboro with George
2) Working on my workshop on the instincts
3) Talking with Marty
4) Walking in Dawson Creek
5) Listening to Dombey and Sons
6) Going to the Type Three panel
7) Finishing up correcting the Cognitive Learning Assignments
8) Organizing my Pilates Props notes.
This morning, my meditation was on "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." I have quoted Prompts for Prayerwalkers in the manual I wrote Exercises for Everyone. (If you are reading this and want a copy, I am always looking for people who would like to test drive this manual. Contact me.) I am looking forward to prayer walking during the Seek God for the City time between February 23 and Palm Sunday. I am not sure I will go to the prayer times with the pastors though.
Yesterday was eye-opening for me. I spent a good chunk of the weekend going down memory lane at my university with other basketball alumni. It was lovely, but I have to say that the most life-giving part of my weekend was missing the game on Friday to go to N's dinner and talk about her work in Central Asia (praying over her and then talking with her aunt about spiritual direction afterward), doing bible study with T in Central Asia over WhatsApp on both Saturday and Sunday, and talking via WhatsApp with J about his desires to see God's kingdom come to his city in Asia. That is where my heartbeat lies and what has been most life-giving to me throughout my life. Sometimes I feel so funny when I am in that world of sports. I always have, but I feel so "in the groove" when it comes to kingdom things. So that was helpful to do an examen this morning to figure that out.
Speaking of the Examen, Carey gave a talk on confession, and she gave an example of the Examen to the whole congregation. Come to think of it, that was life-giving too. :)
I love my old coach and teammates (only one was there this time as compared to many more last year - I guess the ones I know better were there on Friday night, and I was at N's thing) though. I pray for your kingdom to come to OSU WBB!
What I am looking forward to today:
1) Drive up to Hillsboro with George
2) Working on my workshop on the instincts
3) Talking with Marty
4) Walking in Dawson Creek
5) Listening to Dombey and Sons
6) Going to the Type Three panel
7) Finishing up correcting the Cognitive Learning Assignments
8) Organizing my Pilates Props notes.
Sunday, February 09, 2020
Sunday Morning Freewrite Examen
If you don't connect with the Examen, I suggest the book A Simple Life-Changing Prayer by Jim Manney.
Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time - Message is on forgiveness and reconciliation.
Jesus stressed forgiveness over and over again. Ask God to see them the way God sees them and forgive them. (Thank you God that I have forgiven those who hurt me recently. That was the first thing you told me to do, and I am forever thankful. I continue to see them how you see them, and for their healing.)
Two to Three Things You are Grateful For:
1) The experience of playing basketball at Oregon State University and the sisterhood I have with all OSU Women's Basketball players since then. We are Family.
2) Loving and laughing with my wonderful family when we went out to dinner at McMenamin's.
Getting Up - It was not rushed. I woke up at 4:50 and had a good amount of time. Meditated on "Who is in heaven" part of the Lord's prayer, and also the "Power of Vulnerability" in Pray as You Go.
Rest of the morning - Where did you notice God? My sweet friend in Central Asia who reached out to me to say that she missed me and told me "I have enough time if you are ready to continue talking about God." We had stopped this month THREE years ago because she got married and then went off to a medical residency in India. Now she is back and was ready for the next story. I looked back at where we ended, and it was the story of the Prodigal God. I sent it to her, and we had the SWEETEST and most life-giving study in it. She said she had needed wisdom, and God gave it to her because he showed her he is a God who loves, forgives, and hugs no matter if we are the younger brother with his wild ways or the older brother with his pride. We were supposed to meet with another friend in Central Asia, but that person was stuck in traffic without reception. So, that person not showing up allowed for our spontaneous study to happen. The next story is the Pharisee and the sinner in the temple praying. It should be great!
Middle of the Day - George and I scooted out the door and rode our bikes in the SUNSHINE to the Oregon State Basketball Practice Center to watch our women practice. Many other great alums played here as far back as 1969! WOW! After this, we had a tour of the Center and also the Valley Football Center (while the team did their "ice baths" - man it is so much nicer than when I played). After this, we had an Italian feast and toured the remodeled locker room. OH MY. Then, we sat down and had introductions and heard stories. I loved it! Then, after picking up our tickets for the game Sunday, we rode our bikes back in the sunshine.
Afternoon - Rested a bit and then went for an early dinner at McMenamin's with the fam. We laughed because of the Tesla parked outside wondering how someone gets into those things with door handles. We waited anxiously so we could see the people get into the car only to realize they had been sitting across from us the whole time, and they probably heard us talking about the Tesla car. She got into the car, and we still could not figure out how she did it!
End of the Day - Watched Downton Abbey until I could not keep my eyes open at 9:45 (thus why I am up so early today).
Regret - Nothing that I can think of.
Most meaningful - The alumni outing. I was not sure I wanted to go but glad I did. It was so sweet because I told one of the players how much I loved her hair (I have seen it from the stands for the last two years, and it is gorgeous, curly, and red). She was so happy and told me that that was the nicest thing she had heard all day." I said, "You probably have people say that all the time." And she said, "No, you are the first, and you made my day." I would say that these 18-22-year-olds are just the sweetest and kindest people, and the coaching staff is so nice too. I just loved our time.
What do you want to say to me, God? "Relax in my love, even when you walk out onto the basketball court today."
Oh yes, I forgot about that. That is the hardest thing for me on these alumni weekends. We walk out and high five the team when they are introduced on the court and then we are introduced at halftime. Gill Coliseum is packed. I have gotten so nervous in the past that I could not enjoy the first half of the game. I will RELAX, God.
Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time - Message is on forgiveness and reconciliation.
Jesus stressed forgiveness over and over again. Ask God to see them the way God sees them and forgive them. (Thank you God that I have forgiven those who hurt me recently. That was the first thing you told me to do, and I am forever thankful. I continue to see them how you see them, and for their healing.)
Two to Three Things You are Grateful For:
1) The experience of playing basketball at Oregon State University and the sisterhood I have with all OSU Women's Basketball players since then. We are Family.
2) Loving and laughing with my wonderful family when we went out to dinner at McMenamin's.
Getting Up - It was not rushed. I woke up at 4:50 and had a good amount of time. Meditated on "Who is in heaven" part of the Lord's prayer, and also the "Power of Vulnerability" in Pray as You Go.
Rest of the morning - Where did you notice God? My sweet friend in Central Asia who reached out to me to say that she missed me and told me "I have enough time if you are ready to continue talking about God." We had stopped this month THREE years ago because she got married and then went off to a medical residency in India. Now she is back and was ready for the next story. I looked back at where we ended, and it was the story of the Prodigal God. I sent it to her, and we had the SWEETEST and most life-giving study in it. She said she had needed wisdom, and God gave it to her because he showed her he is a God who loves, forgives, and hugs no matter if we are the younger brother with his wild ways or the older brother with his pride. We were supposed to meet with another friend in Central Asia, but that person was stuck in traffic without reception. So, that person not showing up allowed for our spontaneous study to happen. The next story is the Pharisee and the sinner in the temple praying. It should be great!
Middle of the Day - George and I scooted out the door and rode our bikes in the SUNSHINE to the Oregon State Basketball Practice Center to watch our women practice. Many other great alums played here as far back as 1969! WOW! After this, we had a tour of the Center and also the Valley Football Center (while the team did their "ice baths" - man it is so much nicer than when I played). After this, we had an Italian feast and toured the remodeled locker room. OH MY. Then, we sat down and had introductions and heard stories. I loved it! Then, after picking up our tickets for the game Sunday, we rode our bikes back in the sunshine.
Afternoon - Rested a bit and then went for an early dinner at McMenamin's with the fam. We laughed because of the Tesla parked outside wondering how someone gets into those things with door handles. We waited anxiously so we could see the people get into the car only to realize they had been sitting across from us the whole time, and they probably heard us talking about the Tesla car. She got into the car, and we still could not figure out how she did it!
End of the Day - Watched Downton Abbey until I could not keep my eyes open at 9:45 (thus why I am up so early today).
Regret - Nothing that I can think of.
Most meaningful - The alumni outing. I was not sure I wanted to go but glad I did. It was so sweet because I told one of the players how much I loved her hair (I have seen it from the stands for the last two years, and it is gorgeous, curly, and red). She was so happy and told me that that was the nicest thing she had heard all day." I said, "You probably have people say that all the time." And she said, "No, you are the first, and you made my day." I would say that these 18-22-year-olds are just the sweetest and kindest people, and the coaching staff is so nice too. I just loved our time.
What do you want to say to me, God? "Relax in my love, even when you walk out onto the basketball court today."
Oh yes, I forgot about that. That is the hardest thing for me on these alumni weekends. We walk out and high five the team when they are introduced on the court and then we are introduced at halftime. Gill Coliseum is packed. I have gotten so nervous in the past that I could not enjoy the first half of the game. I will RELAX, God.
Saturday, February 08, 2020
Saturday Sixteen Freewrite
I haven't played my Gregorian playlist for quite a while. It is nice.
I had quite a few things going on around yesterday, and the weekend has many activities (talk with J in Afghanistan Saturday AM, OSU Women's Basketball Meet Up Saturday PM and game Sunday). So I decided to take Friday off! I listened to Dombey and Sons and took two walks, one even in the mist. It was a very refreshing day for me. I guess "technically" I didn't take the entire day off because I corrected student papers, but many of them were already in. So, I didn't have that many to grade (and only have about six this morning with the deadline being midnight today).
I am enjoying Dombey and Sons immensely. It seems like it has been years since I read a Dickens novel. I think the last one was a reread of A Christmas Carol. They really are an investment of time as this one is a 37-hour audiobook! I think I am only about 1/3 of the ways through at this point. The good news is that no one is behind me wanting the book. So I can probably renew it if I don't get it done before its due date.
After my day off, George came home, and we went to Nessa's parent's house for a yummy Tajik dinner and talk about what the next steps are for Nessa. It was lovely. Afterward, I had a long talk with her aunt about spiritual direction. She had never heard of it, but this couple came and spoke at their retreat, and they did a group spiritual direction time! Then she said, "They were trained with this group called Sustainable Faith." SAY WHAT! That is where my training is from! We talked for a good long time, and I thought, "Authentic one-on-one connection is what I look for." The good news is that I did not dread going to this big group dinner. Last time we went to a barbeque, people all gathered together from Nessa's church. We stayed for about an hour because the hosts (who we did know) were busy hosting, and there was one other couple that we talked to, and that was it. This time was different in that I really looked forward to it. I was relaxed, and usually, I am a bit tense about going to big group things. (Hmmm. That might be part of my problem with family functions too - I am much more one-on-one or very small group. Big groups are a bit too much for me. Another reason why I left the Renovare Institute. It was too much for me, people-wise. The Boise Cohort of 10-12 is perfect for me.)
Well, I should give a report on my body. My leg felt so great this week. I don't wake up with a creakiness. My back also has had no aches. I had a right hip thing, but I kept on working it out, and it finally left. I think part of what I am doing it relaxing that part of my body because I usually tense it all up when I am sitting. Being more body-conscious of that area of my body has been so beneficial. It helped to do a totally relaxing Pilates class too.
Also, I have gone for FOUR DAYS without overeating. I was on a ROLL of many months of overeating there for a while. I think I gained about 10 pounds in total with my fractured tibia. So much of my maintenance is about being active, and obviously, I was not very active! So, that 10 pounds is going DOWN! I am in the zone now. Part of it is being more in tune with my body and REMEMBERING TO EAT before I go to do 3-4 hours of exercise on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I tend to eat more in the afternoon if I forget to fuel in the morning. So, that has been so good.
(Sixteen minutes is up, but I am going to keep on going.)
I am almost up to the full activity that I was doing before the injury. I just cannot do plyometrics and too much running and lunges. So I have to modify my circuit weight-training class. That is OK though. It will come and the weight will come off too. These things cannot be avoided.
I was being recruited to be a health coach, and I thought, "I should do their program to see how it works," but just the conversation with the recruiter made me realize that my habits for weight maintenance for YEARS had gone out the window with this injury. I prayed about being a coach for them too, and I sought counsel from my hubby and dietitian friend, and both were not supportive. I can do it without their vehicle (and products). It is much cheaper to do it the way I do it too! :)
One more thing, I think I was emotionally eating for a while there when I was working through the trauma of my December 23 conversation. It did take me about 40 days in the wilderness where I had to combat lies with truth. In the meantime, I practiced mindless eating. Sometimes, when my mind is occupied with hurt, my "feeling/heart" triad takes over, and it is hard to balance and focus on the other triad of my body! I really think the trip to see Sister Joan was the final thing. (I think I have already said this, but Cammie was TRIAGE (to clean up the "blood" from the attack), Carol was SURGERY, and Sister Joan was REHAB AND EXERCISES to move forward and get stronger.) Oh, maybe the final thing was writing my "Terrific Ten Team" to ask them to pray. I was so flooded with peace within an hour of sending that out. I have such great friends and family.
I have little painful pangs, but for the most part, I have come out on the other side stronger than before! I learned so many valuable lessons, and I only feel love and compassion for the other party. I have been praying daily for them, but I really had to deal with my feelings honestly before God because we Type Twos tend to "edit" our feelings and positively reframe things before we have dealt with our feelings to the depths. I went there with God, and WOW! So YAY GOD!
I love this deeper life with God, and the people I am around who love to go there too!
I had quite a few things going on around yesterday, and the weekend has many activities (talk with J in Afghanistan Saturday AM, OSU Women's Basketball Meet Up Saturday PM and game Sunday). So I decided to take Friday off! I listened to Dombey and Sons and took two walks, one even in the mist. It was a very refreshing day for me. I guess "technically" I didn't take the entire day off because I corrected student papers, but many of them were already in. So, I didn't have that many to grade (and only have about six this morning with the deadline being midnight today).
I am enjoying Dombey and Sons immensely. It seems like it has been years since I read a Dickens novel. I think the last one was a reread of A Christmas Carol. They really are an investment of time as this one is a 37-hour audiobook! I think I am only about 1/3 of the ways through at this point. The good news is that no one is behind me wanting the book. So I can probably renew it if I don't get it done before its due date.
After my day off, George came home, and we went to Nessa's parent's house for a yummy Tajik dinner and talk about what the next steps are for Nessa. It was lovely. Afterward, I had a long talk with her aunt about spiritual direction. She had never heard of it, but this couple came and spoke at their retreat, and they did a group spiritual direction time! Then she said, "They were trained with this group called Sustainable Faith." SAY WHAT! That is where my training is from! We talked for a good long time, and I thought, "Authentic one-on-one connection is what I look for." The good news is that I did not dread going to this big group dinner. Last time we went to a barbeque, people all gathered together from Nessa's church. We stayed for about an hour because the hosts (who we did know) were busy hosting, and there was one other couple that we talked to, and that was it. This time was different in that I really looked forward to it. I was relaxed, and usually, I am a bit tense about going to big group things. (Hmmm. That might be part of my problem with family functions too - I am much more one-on-one or very small group. Big groups are a bit too much for me. Another reason why I left the Renovare Institute. It was too much for me, people-wise. The Boise Cohort of 10-12 is perfect for me.)
Well, I should give a report on my body. My leg felt so great this week. I don't wake up with a creakiness. My back also has had no aches. I had a right hip thing, but I kept on working it out, and it finally left. I think part of what I am doing it relaxing that part of my body because I usually tense it all up when I am sitting. Being more body-conscious of that area of my body has been so beneficial. It helped to do a totally relaxing Pilates class too.
Also, I have gone for FOUR DAYS without overeating. I was on a ROLL of many months of overeating there for a while. I think I gained about 10 pounds in total with my fractured tibia. So much of my maintenance is about being active, and obviously, I was not very active! So, that 10 pounds is going DOWN! I am in the zone now. Part of it is being more in tune with my body and REMEMBERING TO EAT before I go to do 3-4 hours of exercise on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I tend to eat more in the afternoon if I forget to fuel in the morning. So, that has been so good.
(Sixteen minutes is up, but I am going to keep on going.)
I am almost up to the full activity that I was doing before the injury. I just cannot do plyometrics and too much running and lunges. So I have to modify my circuit weight-training class. That is OK though. It will come and the weight will come off too. These things cannot be avoided.
I was being recruited to be a health coach, and I thought, "I should do their program to see how it works," but just the conversation with the recruiter made me realize that my habits for weight maintenance for YEARS had gone out the window with this injury. I prayed about being a coach for them too, and I sought counsel from my hubby and dietitian friend, and both were not supportive. I can do it without their vehicle (and products). It is much cheaper to do it the way I do it too! :)
One more thing, I think I was emotionally eating for a while there when I was working through the trauma of my December 23 conversation. It did take me about 40 days in the wilderness where I had to combat lies with truth. In the meantime, I practiced mindless eating. Sometimes, when my mind is occupied with hurt, my "feeling/heart" triad takes over, and it is hard to balance and focus on the other triad of my body! I really think the trip to see Sister Joan was the final thing. (I think I have already said this, but Cammie was TRIAGE (to clean up the "blood" from the attack), Carol was SURGERY, and Sister Joan was REHAB AND EXERCISES to move forward and get stronger.) Oh, maybe the final thing was writing my "Terrific Ten Team" to ask them to pray. I was so flooded with peace within an hour of sending that out. I have such great friends and family.
I have little painful pangs, but for the most part, I have come out on the other side stronger than before! I learned so many valuable lessons, and I only feel love and compassion for the other party. I have been praying daily for them, but I really had to deal with my feelings honestly before God because we Type Twos tend to "edit" our feelings and positively reframe things before we have dealt with our feelings to the depths. I went there with God, and WOW! So YAY GOD!
I love this deeper life with God, and the people I am around who love to go there too!
Friday, February 07, 2020
Friday Freewrite Examen
Two or three things I am grateful for:
1) Kim - she wanted to get together and sit and soak and talk about a decision that she is making. I love my friend. She blesses me so much. We started out our time with a verse from John 8 that has been speaking to her - about Jesus being the light. It was lovely.
2) Classes and coworkers - love everything about my students and my coworkers. Amanda is leaving, and she has been so sweet to work with. It was nice to give her a hug good-bye.
Where did you turn toward God and when did you turn away?
Getting up - Slept in until almost 7am. It wasn't rushed. My time with God wasn't as long, but it was rich and meaningful. I meditated on the paralytic again. This is the THIRD time in two weeks. We meditated on it in missional community, I prayed through it on Pray as You Go, and again for this morning. I have continued to "present the paralytic" in my life before God. Jesus is powerful to heal, and I am believing God for that.
The rest of the morning - I listened to some Dombey and Sons. Corrected papers. My students are so with it! I only had eight more to correct out of the whole Pilates I class. The assignment is not even due until midnight on Friday, and this was Thursday. So life-giving to grade these papers and get to know these wonderful students. I tried to find my Bender Ball Class notes, but I could not find them in time to review. I got on my bike and taught two fast-paced Disney Day classes. The first class loved them. The second class wanted a Disney soundtrack that was more fast-paced. Said good-bye to Amanda, and I rode my bike back home.
Middle of the day - Ate a good refueling lunch. I cannot remember what I did. Graded more papers and answered emails.
Afternoon - Kim was late, so I looked up information for a decision that I am making. Our spiritual direction time was so sweet. We both encountered God and had such a sweet realization of his presence with us. So good. I read her the RELEASED and AFFIRMATIONS for the Type Two. It was very good.
Later - I watched the news and had a snack after Kim left. I ate a nutritious meal of veggies, salmon, and a piece of whole-grain toast. It is so nice to be back on track with my healthy eating. I am thinking that while I worked through the pain of my interaction in December that I overate. I think I put on another five pounds at Christmas and post-Christmas.
Evening - Geo came home, and he was really tired. He almost pulled over on the way back home. I let him decide about going to missional community. We did go. It was just sharing time. I reacted in my heart to something, but I "caught myself in the act" and went to the bathroom. A couple of RELEASES helped me to acknowledge my feelings. I was fine and realized had I reacted overtly, the evening would have gone a bit differently. That is growth. When I told Geo what had happened in my heart and how I responded, he said he would not have even known. He had the same response to what happened, but I think he more naturally does what I had to go to the bathroom to do. It would have been a desolation in the past. It was a consolation instead. I love growth!
End of the day - We left the missional community, and on the way out M and B gave us a gift certificate to the place we went to on our honeymoon! It was a thank you for doing pre-marriage counseling with them. HOW SWEET. That was definitely a consolation. After talking with Kim about appreciation and it is a good thing for people to do for each other, that was so nice of them. They also told us about a breakthrough that we have been praying for. God is so good! Debrief with George on the way home and then some more talking, but he was tired, and I needed to settle in after a relational evening. I went out and meditated on Jesus going about and healing and telling us we are the salt of the earth and light of the world. That was nice after having some salt and light prayer as a community and also that being how God spoke to me about my job at OSU. I had some centering prayer time with the word LIGHT. Then I could fall asleep.
Regret - I regret having that initial reaction about what happened at MC, but the consolation was around the corner as God prompted me to "catch myself in the act." YAY GOD! I also learned something from how George reacted naturally. Sister Joan says I can always borrow from his Type Nine reaction. I have learned so much from him.
Most Meaningful - I was going to say my time with Kim, but I would say how I reacted. Lord, what do you want me to know about that?
"I am with you always. Teaching you to live."
Jesus did not get his feelings hurt when he was rejected by men. He knew there was a higher purpose.
I ask for the grace to see you in the next day.
I ask for the grace to let more and more of my day be committed to your service and praise.
I ask for the grace to see you more clearly, love you more dearly, and to follow you more nearly today.
Amen.
1) Kim - she wanted to get together and sit and soak and talk about a decision that she is making. I love my friend. She blesses me so much. We started out our time with a verse from John 8 that has been speaking to her - about Jesus being the light. It was lovely.
2) Classes and coworkers - love everything about my students and my coworkers. Amanda is leaving, and she has been so sweet to work with. It was nice to give her a hug good-bye.
Where did you turn toward God and when did you turn away?
Getting up - Slept in until almost 7am. It wasn't rushed. My time with God wasn't as long, but it was rich and meaningful. I meditated on the paralytic again. This is the THIRD time in two weeks. We meditated on it in missional community, I prayed through it on Pray as You Go, and again for this morning. I have continued to "present the paralytic" in my life before God. Jesus is powerful to heal, and I am believing God for that.
The rest of the morning - I listened to some Dombey and Sons. Corrected papers. My students are so with it! I only had eight more to correct out of the whole Pilates I class. The assignment is not even due until midnight on Friday, and this was Thursday. So life-giving to grade these papers and get to know these wonderful students. I tried to find my Bender Ball Class notes, but I could not find them in time to review. I got on my bike and taught two fast-paced Disney Day classes. The first class loved them. The second class wanted a Disney soundtrack that was more fast-paced. Said good-bye to Amanda, and I rode my bike back home.
Middle of the day - Ate a good refueling lunch. I cannot remember what I did. Graded more papers and answered emails.
Afternoon - Kim was late, so I looked up information for a decision that I am making. Our spiritual direction time was so sweet. We both encountered God and had such a sweet realization of his presence with us. So good. I read her the RELEASED and AFFIRMATIONS for the Type Two. It was very good.
Later - I watched the news and had a snack after Kim left. I ate a nutritious meal of veggies, salmon, and a piece of whole-grain toast. It is so nice to be back on track with my healthy eating. I am thinking that while I worked through the pain of my interaction in December that I overate. I think I put on another five pounds at Christmas and post-Christmas.
Evening - Geo came home, and he was really tired. He almost pulled over on the way back home. I let him decide about going to missional community. We did go. It was just sharing time. I reacted in my heart to something, but I "caught myself in the act" and went to the bathroom. A couple of RELEASES helped me to acknowledge my feelings. I was fine and realized had I reacted overtly, the evening would have gone a bit differently. That is growth. When I told Geo what had happened in my heart and how I responded, he said he would not have even known. He had the same response to what happened, but I think he more naturally does what I had to go to the bathroom to do. It would have been a desolation in the past. It was a consolation instead. I love growth!
End of the day - We left the missional community, and on the way out M and B gave us a gift certificate to the place we went to on our honeymoon! It was a thank you for doing pre-marriage counseling with them. HOW SWEET. That was definitely a consolation. After talking with Kim about appreciation and it is a good thing for people to do for each other, that was so nice of them. They also told us about a breakthrough that we have been praying for. God is so good! Debrief with George on the way home and then some more talking, but he was tired, and I needed to settle in after a relational evening. I went out and meditated on Jesus going about and healing and telling us we are the salt of the earth and light of the world. That was nice after having some salt and light prayer as a community and also that being how God spoke to me about my job at OSU. I had some centering prayer time with the word LIGHT. Then I could fall asleep.
Regret - I regret having that initial reaction about what happened at MC, but the consolation was around the corner as God prompted me to "catch myself in the act." YAY GOD! I also learned something from how George reacted naturally. Sister Joan says I can always borrow from his Type Nine reaction. I have learned so much from him.
Most Meaningful - I was going to say my time with Kim, but I would say how I reacted. Lord, what do you want me to know about that?
"I am with you always. Teaching you to live."
Jesus did not get his feelings hurt when he was rejected by men. He knew there was a higher purpose.
I ask for the grace to see you in the next day.
I ask for the grace to let more and more of my day be committed to your service and praise.
I ask for the grace to see you more clearly, love you more dearly, and to follow you more nearly today.
Amen.
Wednesday, February 05, 2020
Enneagram Type Two "Releases and Affirmations"
I talked about this in my last post. Many releases may be things a Type Two has never done or things he or she has done in the past, but it is a good list for people in the full range of Type Two from Healthy (Levels 1-3) to Unhealthy (Levels 7-9) (See The Wisdom of the Enneagram, p. 134)
Here they are:
Here they are:
Transformations for PERSONALITY TYPE TWO (Enneagram Transformations, p. 41-48)
I NOW RELEASE all feelings of rage and resentment toward others.
I NOW RELEASE all attempts to justify my aggressive feelings.
I NOW RELEASE all attachment to feeling victimized and abused.
I NOW RELEASE the fear that I am unwanted and unloved.
I NOW RELEASE all attempts to force others to love me.
I NOW RELEASE making others feel guilty for not responding sufficiently to my needs.
I NOW RELEASE
abusing food and medications to make up for my loneliness.
I NOW RELEASE
feeling that others owe me for the things I have chosen to do for them.
I NOW
RELEASE believing that no one willingly takes care of me.
I NOW RELEASE
expecting others to repay my help in the way I want.
I NOW RELEASE all physical
ailments, aches, and complaints.
I NOW RELEASE calling attention to what I have
done for others.
I NOW RELEASE feeling possessive of loved ones.
I NOW RELEASE
doing things for others to make myself needed.
I NOW RELEASE flattering others
to make them feel good about me.
I NOW RELEASE not wanting to acknowledge my
negative feelings.
I NOW AFFIRM that I own all of my feelings without fear.
I
NOW AFFIRM that I am clear and conscious of my motives.
I NOW AFFIRM that I am
lovable for who I am.
I NOW AFFIRM that my happiness does not depend on
pleasing others.
I NOW AFFIRM that I can let go of loved ones.
I NOW AFFIRM
that I nurture my own growth and development.
I NOW AFFIRM that I love others
without expecting anything in return.
I NOW AFFIRM the joy and warmth that
fills my heart.
I NOW AFFIRM my gratitude for all that others have given me.
Wednesday Freewrite Examen
Two or Three Things I am Grateful For:
1) My job at OSU. Wonderful and kind coworkers and supervisors. Wonderful students that needed a "Mellow Midterm" Pilates workout.
2) Lifting weights again and doing OK (just cannot jump and bend as well when putting weight on my left leg).
3) Time of journaling in the morning. Things are coming into focus.
Review of the Day - Noticing where God has been. Where did I accept God's invitation to be loving, grateful, etc? Where did I turn away?
Getting Up - Week 22 of the Spiritual Exercises. Facing feelings. I am not sure what in my time with God precipitated a long journal about my feelings. It was so good to get those feelings out. I had some desolation in that, and I needed to acknowledge that. I need to keep on doing that. Ate a good breakfast and felt very fueled for biking and class. I sometimes forget and pay the price by overeating later in the day! I also listened to Dombey and Son by Dickens. Nobody does it like Dickens. His books are a time commitment but well worth it. Before going to class I graded some Cognitive Learning Assignments for my classes. I wrote back to one of my stressed students about examining their day. She was excited to try it.
Rest of the morning - No rain! I rode my bike. It was cold! I was going to do a Disney Day but after reading those Cognitive Learning Assignments from my students where most of them talked about stress, I thought they needed a mellow, breathing, slow-paced day. They can still get a great workout, but they needed to breathe. I had them all close their eyes, and 90% of them raised their hands when I asked who was stressed. Maybe even 95%.
Middle of the Day - Went to weight lifting. It was life-giving. I have to say some of the people that used to be in the class are gone, and all the nice ones remain. :) There were some people in the class last year (graduate students and post-bacs who moved on to their career jobs) who were not always nice, and it is refreshing to have them gone. Yesterday, I paired up with the youngest woman in the class. We talked a lot last year about form (she has great form). She is a challenge to partner with because she is about 23 and in really good shape. I liked that so much though. She challenges me! (Plus she knows what she is doing when we do a circuit. I am sort of lost because we have a different instructor this year.) It is a positive part of my Tuesdays (I did not get in the Thursday class due to my silliness in the registration process.) I rode my bike home, took a shower, ate a fueling lunch (my personal training education says liquid nutrition is the best after a big workout and almost four hours of working out would be considered that), and rested. I had some correspondence to catch up on, booked my last flight to Boise in March (I will drive in May), listened to the Renovare podcast by the person leading us through Interior Castle by Teresa of Avila, and I watched the news about the Iowa caucuses (what a mess), impeachment, and the State of the Union. I think I also finished my episode of Downton Abbey (only my fourth time through).
Evening - I recorded the State of the Union while I went out in the dining room and had another time in the Exercises. I love having privacy in the evenings to do that. I love P being home, but he works from 4-12 now. So I have those evening times. I meditated on Nicodemus visiting Jesus, and how appropriate to do that in the evening by candlelight! I also read a few pages of Interior Castle. After this, I read a few pages of Enneagram Transformations by Don Riso. So good!
End of Day - I watched the speech. I thought if I recorded it, I would fast forward through parts, but I didn't. I watched the WHOLE thing and a little of the commentary afterward, but I switched to Downton Abbey and a mindless reality TV show before falling asleep. Another life-giving thing was NO OVEREATING. I recorded everything, and I think because I fueled properly in the morning, I was better during my "munchie time" in the afternoon (2:30-5:30).
Regret - Watching the mindless reality TV show.
Most Life-Giving/Meaningful Part of the Day - Well I have two today.
1 - Journaling my ill feelings. It made for a great day to release those feelings and to move on. I also loved putting on the full armor, which is something all of my mentors suggested for me to do. This was at the beginning of the day, but the Enneagram Transformations "releases and affirmations" were so powerful too. Type Two tends to "edit" negative feelings, and that is what I do. It was so good to privately journal them.
From all this, I will pray the Morning Affirmations (something I did for years but not done as much lately) daily and the and the "I now book. So I will do one in the morning and one in Enneagram Transformations ones in the evening. The ones in the Enneagram book will help me evaluate my day (How did I get that book in the first place? I think I had some digital credits that I needed to use up or it was part of the free books offered to me. I cannot remember but found it when I was reading Interior Castle.)
2 - Everything related to teaching Pilates - coworkers, the benefit to my body (self-nurturing), young people who are teachable and kind, doing something in my gifting. So that was so meaningful. Lord, what do you want me to know about that? "Keep it up." I have had some people try to pressure me to move up to where George is working, but we have never felt a peace about that. I wonder if it is because he is going to come back down here sometime soon. I am not sure. I hope so. I love my job. I don't know how long I will do it, but I certainly do love it!
I ask for the grace to see you in the next day. Now on to meditating on Luke 4:14-22 ("The Spirit of the Lord is upon me").
1) My job at OSU. Wonderful and kind coworkers and supervisors. Wonderful students that needed a "Mellow Midterm" Pilates workout.
2) Lifting weights again and doing OK (just cannot jump and bend as well when putting weight on my left leg).
3) Time of journaling in the morning. Things are coming into focus.
Review of the Day - Noticing where God has been. Where did I accept God's invitation to be loving, grateful, etc? Where did I turn away?
Getting Up - Week 22 of the Spiritual Exercises. Facing feelings. I am not sure what in my time with God precipitated a long journal about my feelings. It was so good to get those feelings out. I had some desolation in that, and I needed to acknowledge that. I need to keep on doing that. Ate a good breakfast and felt very fueled for biking and class. I sometimes forget and pay the price by overeating later in the day! I also listened to Dombey and Son by Dickens. Nobody does it like Dickens. His books are a time commitment but well worth it. Before going to class I graded some Cognitive Learning Assignments for my classes. I wrote back to one of my stressed students about examining their day. She was excited to try it.
Rest of the morning - No rain! I rode my bike. It was cold! I was going to do a Disney Day but after reading those Cognitive Learning Assignments from my students where most of them talked about stress, I thought they needed a mellow, breathing, slow-paced day. They can still get a great workout, but they needed to breathe. I had them all close their eyes, and 90% of them raised their hands when I asked who was stressed. Maybe even 95%.
Middle of the Day - Went to weight lifting. It was life-giving. I have to say some of the people that used to be in the class are gone, and all the nice ones remain. :) There were some people in the class last year (graduate students and post-bacs who moved on to their career jobs) who were not always nice, and it is refreshing to have them gone. Yesterday, I paired up with the youngest woman in the class. We talked a lot last year about form (she has great form). She is a challenge to partner with because she is about 23 and in really good shape. I liked that so much though. She challenges me! (Plus she knows what she is doing when we do a circuit. I am sort of lost because we have a different instructor this year.) It is a positive part of my Tuesdays (I did not get in the Thursday class due to my silliness in the registration process.) I rode my bike home, took a shower, ate a fueling lunch (my personal training education says liquid nutrition is the best after a big workout and almost four hours of working out would be considered that), and rested. I had some correspondence to catch up on, booked my last flight to Boise in March (I will drive in May), listened to the Renovare podcast by the person leading us through Interior Castle by Teresa of Avila, and I watched the news about the Iowa caucuses (what a mess), impeachment, and the State of the Union. I think I also finished my episode of Downton Abbey (only my fourth time through).
Evening - I recorded the State of the Union while I went out in the dining room and had another time in the Exercises. I love having privacy in the evenings to do that. I love P being home, but he works from 4-12 now. So I have those evening times. I meditated on Nicodemus visiting Jesus, and how appropriate to do that in the evening by candlelight! I also read a few pages of Interior Castle. After this, I read a few pages of Enneagram Transformations by Don Riso. So good!
End of Day - I watched the speech. I thought if I recorded it, I would fast forward through parts, but I didn't. I watched the WHOLE thing and a little of the commentary afterward, but I switched to Downton Abbey and a mindless reality TV show before falling asleep. Another life-giving thing was NO OVEREATING. I recorded everything, and I think because I fueled properly in the morning, I was better during my "munchie time" in the afternoon (2:30-5:30).
Regret - Watching the mindless reality TV show.
Most Life-Giving/Meaningful Part of the Day - Well I have two today.
1 - Journaling my ill feelings. It made for a great day to release those feelings and to move on. I also loved putting on the full armor, which is something all of my mentors suggested for me to do. This was at the beginning of the day, but the Enneagram Transformations "releases and affirmations" were so powerful too. Type Two tends to "edit" negative feelings, and that is what I do. It was so good to privately journal them.
From all this, I will pray the Morning Affirmations (something I did for years but not done as much lately) daily and the and the "I now book. So I will do one in the morning and one in Enneagram Transformations ones in the evening. The ones in the Enneagram book will help me evaluate my day (How did I get that book in the first place? I think I had some digital credits that I needed to use up or it was part of the free books offered to me. I cannot remember but found it when I was reading Interior Castle.)
2 - Everything related to teaching Pilates - coworkers, the benefit to my body (self-nurturing), young people who are teachable and kind, doing something in my gifting. So that was so meaningful. Lord, what do you want me to know about that? "Keep it up." I have had some people try to pressure me to move up to where George is working, but we have never felt a peace about that. I wonder if it is because he is going to come back down here sometime soon. I am not sure. I hope so. I love my job. I don't know how long I will do it, but I certainly do love it!
I ask for the grace to see you in the next day. Now on to meditating on Luke 4:14-22 ("The Spirit of the Lord is upon me").
Sunday, February 02, 2020
Sunday Sixteen Freewrite
I am surprised I didn't freewrite yesterday as I woke up very early. I did a lot of journaling though. So that is a similar thing.
Yesterday was a meditation on the Three Degrees of Humility or Three Ways of Loving in the Exercises. I meditated on Mark 12 and loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. They are the verses that are at the top of this blog. They are my life's intention. The third degree of humility is union and communion with Jesus. As I meditated THIS morning on Philippians 2, I realize that this means emptying myself of all vestiges of honor. Jesus was GOD, by golly. Yet, he emptied himself to become a slave and to death on a cross for the sins of the whole human race. In the process, he forgave them for they knew not what they were doing by pinning God to a cross. Later on in Philippians, Paul talks about knowing him being attached to the "fellowship of his suffering" (Phil 3:10-14). We (I) often don't want that part of the bargain.
Everyone told me how well I responded to the suffering of my broken leg. I usually respond to physical suffering much better than emotional. That is the hard part. I realized that in my emotional suffering I had caregivers just like I did with my broken leg. Cammie was triage and original diagnosis. Carol was the deeper surgery of listening prayer. Joan was the start of rehab. In between, people like George, Nancy, Kim, Paul, and countless others brought me ice to reduce the swelling of the blow as I elevated and rested my soul. My leg still swells today, and my soul swells every once in a while too. But I have been putting weight and walking in the light. I am OK. Hearts/Souls take time to heal.
As I walked and listened to Pray as You Go and the Jesus' presentation in the temple, I was challenged to put myself in Simeon's shoes and imagine what it would be like to have lifelong hope and waiting for the hope fulfilled like that. It was an awesome time walking around the schoolyard and praying.
Then George and I went on a date. We breakfasted and talked about what God is saying to us. We have hope that he will be able to come back here during the week. It will seven years in May since he has been commuting and living with his mom. I am so glad that she has had that time with her son. This latest trauma made us realize that it would be nice to be physically present for each other though. We have done well with all of this because we are so healthy and strong as a couple, but I have hope that he can return to being at home again.
I also have hopes for a job for Michael. Those were all the things I prayed about and talked with George yesterday.
Sixteen minutes done.
Yesterday was a meditation on the Three Degrees of Humility or Three Ways of Loving in the Exercises. I meditated on Mark 12 and loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. They are the verses that are at the top of this blog. They are my life's intention. The third degree of humility is union and communion with Jesus. As I meditated THIS morning on Philippians 2, I realize that this means emptying myself of all vestiges of honor. Jesus was GOD, by golly. Yet, he emptied himself to become a slave and to death on a cross for the sins of the whole human race. In the process, he forgave them for they knew not what they were doing by pinning God to a cross. Later on in Philippians, Paul talks about knowing him being attached to the "fellowship of his suffering" (Phil 3:10-14). We (I) often don't want that part of the bargain.
Everyone told me how well I responded to the suffering of my broken leg. I usually respond to physical suffering much better than emotional. That is the hard part. I realized that in my emotional suffering I had caregivers just like I did with my broken leg. Cammie was triage and original diagnosis. Carol was the deeper surgery of listening prayer. Joan was the start of rehab. In between, people like George, Nancy, Kim, Paul, and countless others brought me ice to reduce the swelling of the blow as I elevated and rested my soul. My leg still swells today, and my soul swells every once in a while too. But I have been putting weight and walking in the light. I am OK. Hearts/Souls take time to heal.
As I walked and listened to Pray as You Go and the Jesus' presentation in the temple, I was challenged to put myself in Simeon's shoes and imagine what it would be like to have lifelong hope and waiting for the hope fulfilled like that. It was an awesome time walking around the schoolyard and praying.
Then George and I went on a date. We breakfasted and talked about what God is saying to us. We have hope that he will be able to come back here during the week. It will seven years in May since he has been commuting and living with his mom. I am so glad that she has had that time with her son. This latest trauma made us realize that it would be nice to be physically present for each other though. We have done well with all of this because we are so healthy and strong as a couple, but I have hope that he can return to being at home again.
I also have hopes for a job for Michael. Those were all the things I prayed about and talked with George yesterday.
Sixteen minutes done.
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