Monday Freewrite Fifteen

George and I continue to dialogue. I had a lot of tears yesterday. I think it takes me a long time to totally absorb things. 

I have decided to make an appointment with the person who wrote Chronically Hurtful People. This is a book that Sister Joan told me to read several years ago, but I put it on my shelf and never read it because I had set appropriate boundaries with these types. It was easier to move away. But this latest hurtful person cut me so deep, and it is awkward to move away. I need to know how to navigate when others are involved. My spiritual director said I cannot just disappear, even though that would probably make the CHP overjoyed. I just need to navigate it all and continue to work through the hurt from the eviscerating. It is probably the worst this has ever happened. I am glad the person got everything off their chest, but it left me in a pile eventually (once I got in touch with all the feelings that I had repressed), and one of the characteristics of the CHP is a lack of empathy for others (but much for themselves). I need to just work through this. I know it will take time. It took six weeks before I could put a little weight on my broken leg. It just takes time to heal. I am healing, and I am so grateful that I have such a good and generous God. He pours out love on me every single morning, and I carry that throughout the day with me. It is just hard when George goes away to work, and I know I don't have him until Thursday night when we have missional community. It will be so nice to be back with these lovely people again since I couldn't meet with them two Thursdays ago. They ended up not meeting either. 

I told George that it might be good for me to have some time away in nature. So I need to figure out how to go to an abbey somewhere. I might go to the Trappist Abbey. But they require a two-night minimum. So, I need to think through all of that. 

I am breathing deeply, and my heart literally hurts. I don't know what chemical is released, but it is there in my heart right now. I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wish I were more like George, able to "brush it off."  I have not felt like this for such a long time. I have felt this hurting heart for others more recently, especially my sons. They move my heart. 

That really was the only area of anxiety that I had in 2019 until the eviscerating, the jobs. P is firmly working and really enjoying it. M has interviewed for yet another job that he did not get. We went for a long walk and begged and prayed. M seems to be very even-keel and fine with it all. I need to just let my momma bear heart be still. I will trust. Last time I trusted, he got a dream job. The dream job died when the owner died. :( There is a reason for everything. I know that. I pray he knows that.  

Today turns out to be free. I thought I was subbing for Kris, but I think Heather is subbing. So, I am wanting to maybe take a trip out of town. It always helps me to do that. 

I know that I am doing better physically. I have had 1 1/2 days of almost total rest. That is so nice. I have Pilates and three appointments with others. Heart to heart appointments.

Oh, and I am going to be on the Type Two Portland Panel. I think it is in March. I took the instinctual variant tests, and I scored in the intimate, one-on-one two out of three of the times, but the social one was almost even. So, I think I am a combo of both. It asks me about the group and intimate one on one relationships, and I always vacillate between the two. I like them both, but I have to say that if I had to choose, it would be one-on-one. I just have that so deeply with George. So I don't crave it. I have to look back on my life before George. That is a better barometer. 

Sunday Morning Freewrite

In honor of my mom's 93rd birthday this week. This was the last birthday we spent with her. It was her 80th. 

I started a freewrite yesterday but not sure what happened. I never finished it. I woke up super early yesterday, and it was a review day in the Spiritual Exercises. George had inadvertently brought my journal to work/his mom's for the week so I wrote in a notebook from Tuesday through Friday. So, I spent much of Saturday morning copying the graces I received into my journal. What a powerful exercise (and review is something Ignatius strongly encouraged)! I am still healing. I know that. It will take some time. 

I think that is why when we went to a memorial a few hours later, at the reception, there was this really weird interaction with an acquaintance. I walked out and asked very carefully of George, "What did you think of that interaction?" He had exactly the same feeling: strange and almost hostile. What on earth was wrong with that person? Why were they reacting in such a strange manner to the polite conversation? George proposed his theory, and I stewed all the way home. What did I do wrong? Did I say something offensive? George can brush those kinds of things off, and I cannot. My heart hurts. I have always had positive interactions with this person in the past, but this was such an odd conversation. Granted, I do not know the person very well. So, this may be another side that I have never seen. 

It was a weird ride home, and I know some of it has to do with what has happened to me. It will be a month ago this coming Thursday, and I am, for the most part, doing really well, but I am doubting myself, doubting my ability to relate to people. 

I think the whole reception at the memorial was interesting to see what I do. As a Type Two, I SCAN and ASSESS the room and then I MOVE TOWARDS people. I long for AUTHENTIC CONNECTION and LOVE exchanged between people. It is hard when that doesn't happen. 

George got up, and we talked about it some more. He is a Type Nine. His nature is just to go away. So he would have been happy to just leave after the ice cream. :) 

All that said, the rest of the evening really was lovely. I am not feeling really well. George watched Sanditon, and I fell asleep and waited until he watched the ending. Then we talked about it. I loved that series. Not sure that Austen would have approved of the ending. (It was a novel she did not finish before she died.)

Then we watched the first episode of Howard's End. How fun! 

Well, I think my time is almost out. 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Some ask about my Freewrites. These were introduced to me by my dear friend, Julie Sweeney Bogart, owner/creator of Bravewriter. I did this with my kids when they were growing up, and now I do it for myself (and my youngest still does it regularly). It involves writing for a set amount of time whatever is on your mind. There is no need for corrections. (I do sometimes because I have Grammarly.)

I woke up at 3:40am. I didn't get up until 4:24. I had a smashing time with God this morning. I am doing the Spiritual Exercises using the manual I wrote, and today was looking at verses that tell me about my belovedness. Ahhhhhh. God is so good to remind of that after my more recent evisceration. (Isn't evisceration a cool word?)

I meditated deeply in my birthday psalm: Psalm 27. YUM! So good. He reminded me of all the promises he has given me, and I happen to go back in my old Bible, and I had claimed the same ones when I was eviscerated way back when when I made a final decision to walk away from crazymakers for good. Since then, I have had such peace! So it is good to be reminded that sometimes, you just cannot walk away, but you can fall into God's word and find comfort and guidance! 

After this, I went and cleaned up the Study Sheet I wrote for the Type 5 panel discussion on April 27. Yes, I know, I am way far ahead, but I was so motivated to learn all I could about the Type 5 because one of my favorite people in the WHOLE WORLD is a Type 5, and it has brought us so much closer together and helped me to understand how I can support and encourage him in his growth. That Type 5 is none other than the incredibly wonderful Weaver son, Paul! WOOHOO! 

Then I went for a walk and listened to Pray as You Go. It was on the paralytic brought to Jesus. Some people just need healing. And that is what I am praying for in my most recent encounter with a person who is not well. It helps me have compassion and love! 

Good to get my walk in before the rain comes in about 30 minutes.

Then I got a nice text from my buddy Nan, and we set up a lunch date. Then George wrote to say he has a special appointment that I can pray for. WILL DO!

Now, I am eating breakfast (ham and cheese on sourdough) and will meet with Manar in three hours. So I could start working on my Type 8 study sheet! LOL! 

Tomorrow, I have spiritual direction at 7am by Skype. Then we will go up to McMinnville for Bill M's funeral and go out to Nick's for a date. Sunday is meeting with a couple who wants some counsel.

Classes are going so great. My Pilates I is really fun, and they laugh a lot. I want to make the class a safe and fun place for them every Tuesday and Thursday. Pilates II is much more serious, but they are the advanced people there to get a good workout. I will deliver! 

I have 1:20 left on the timer. Oh, I have to respond to another person about the Spiritual Exercises. I need wisdom about how to respond. It is spiritual direction by email/Marco Polo which is sort of weird because I like interaction. But it has been done in the past. So I am going for it. 

Thursday Thirteen Freewrite

I want to get to class early today because my room will be cold, and I want to turn on that really loud heater to warm it up for my 30 students!

There is no rain today so I will ride my bike to class. Yesterday was a little bit more sedentary than I would have liked, but that was because I had a back check and realignment with Dr. Myers, and I didn't want to do anything too strenuous. 

Self-Preservation/Preserving Instinct is not very strong in me. So it is so life-giving when I do things to bring it out of my blind-spot and into my full vision. That was why yesterday was so good. 

I usually put things off that have to do with convenience for me. But I had a banner morning. I went to see Dr. Myers. There was no presenting problem with my back, but I had the appointment because I make place holders in case there is a problem. I often cancel them, but this time I went in. He was able to do deeper tissue work with me, and boy did he find a trigger point that I did not feel! He did acupuncture, and it was better. He also worked out the kinks in the leg of my fractured tibia. I can go down the stairs so much more easily now!  Something was off, and he worked it into alignment. 

After this, I went to see Dr. Flannery. I had my check-up last week, and he had concerns about a couple of spots on my teeth. In the meantime, my tooth cracked. So, he took care of the cracked tooth and the two spots in about 30 minutes. So glad I did not have anything for the rest of the day. 

Before Dr. Flannery, I had taken a short prayer walk because an area we have prayed in for years is right nearby. While walking back to his office, I walked by Dr. Baer's office and realized that I needed to reorder my glasses because my other ones were lost in the lake about five minutes before I fractured my tibia. The new year means a new set. It was funny because they could not find my file so I went to Dr. Flannery's while they looked. When I came back, they realized they were looking for Big Carol's file and not mine (Little Carol on the OSU basketball team). LOL! Anywho, I got new glasses ordered. 

It may not seem like a big deal to some, but things like that always get put on the back burner. So I took care of three things in three hours. It is great because when I asked how I could show love for the next day during my Examen the night before, God said to show love to myself. That can sound so selfish. Did I really hear him right? Then when I got out of my doctor's appointment, I saw this on the wall:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Carol Weaver (@carolfoasia) on Jan 15, 2020 at 9:47am PST

I knew that was what I needed to do. Often, what is life-giving to me is loving to myself, but I am always thinking about how I can help other people so this is why I love to write. Even posting the picture above generated discussion that was good. I love to pass it on. I don't think I am doing it to get love in return like an unhealthy Two might do. I love authentic community so there is a high that happens when I connect with people going through the same things or have something to add to the conversation about loving yourself and being gentle with yourself. 

Today, I get to go to Pilates. I think it is time for a Disney Day on this overcast and gloomy day. It might be too early, but I observed them, and they seemed to be doing well with the exercises. So, I am going to go for it with them.

Timer is going off. 

Wednesday Freewrite

I am so in a "moment" right now. Sometimes I just want to capture them in a freewrite. How do you articulate a God moment?  The flush of peace and Presence is overwhelming, and as is often the case with God and me, the sun is peeking out from behind a cloud and beaming into my large back window and illuminating the Bible on the Bible stand, and my Christ Candleholder still there from Christmas. Isn't it grand to be in the presence of God? It is my PASSION to facilitate more and more people into the presence of God. Isn't that the center of everything? I think so. 

I could not sleep last night, but it was not a restless kind of not sleeping. It was a gentle and Presence-filled time. I knew I had an appointment with Dr. Myers at 8:45am, but I fell asleep from 10:30p-12:00a and was up until 4am. I listened to Pray as You Go for today, and it was about Samuel saying, "Speak Lord, I am listening."  So I listened. God so sweetly spoke words of love to me about my belovedness. It was such a sweet moment, and I wrote: "Every time I breathe in my heart is warmed, Lord." Then we had more moments that I wrote about. (The sun is glaring more in the window - almost blinding - "Speak Lord, I am listening.") It was about the capacity for change that we all have before us, but some people do not choose to change. I want to have that heart of flesh and a soft sponge that absorbs your living water rather than repels it like a stone.  I yielded more to any change that God had more for me, and asked again, "Speak Lord, I'm listening." He said "Carol Weaver. Gaining experience. Growing in confidence." (It was like what George Bush said about Dan Quayle when he was his VP.)  Then, I heard the word "RUBBISH." Then the next passage I was going to meditate on for the Spiritual Exercises was Philippians 3:7-14, and RUBBISH is in the passage! 

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (All the bolding is mine)

Earlier in the day, for Week 18 of the "Three Kinds of People" (the sun is still shining through the window, by the way - he is CONSTANTLY trying to get our attention in the ordinary moments, isn't he?), I had prayed for the grace to be "interiorly free from any attachment that would inhibit God's will in my life; choosing more for the glory of God and the service of others." The RUBBISH I must leave behind is tricky, but earlier in the day (and earlier that week with Pray as You Go, God had spoken to me about leaving house and family, etc. for the sake of the Kingdom of God promising that I would receive many times as much at this time and the age to come (Luke 18:18-30). I think I have an inordinate attachment (disordered love) to a particular ideal. I think he is gently breaking me of this, and he had told me to PRESS ON during my meditation in Boise. I need to become interiorly free for the upward call. There is a bigger plan that is more for the glory of God and the service of others, and this latest blip is a GIFT! He really did reveal that to me early on in the more recent trauma, Cammie talking to me about "soul family" that is tighter (and confirmed to me when I walked into Katherine and John's home on Christmas Eve morning - welcome to love). We do have a "soul family" that is lovely and large. So I "Resolved to Regard as Rubbish" that ideal I was holding on to and to PRESS ON to the higher purpose. We really can FLY FREE. It was an ideal that died long ago, I just did not realize how long ago it had died until recently. The reality was hard, but I am grateful that I know now. It frees us up. 

The whole "forgetting what lies behind" is that part that is hard for my false self! We like to look in the past, but it is time to move ever forward. I think I am interiorly free from disordered love and attachment to that ideal. This was a RUDE awakening for me.

I think this passage also spoke to the difference between self-righteousness and the righteousness that comes from faith. We have all seen self-righteousness, and it is so ugly and hateful. The righteousness of Christ accepts that we are all on a journey, and we extend grace (more sun pouring in) and acknowledge that there are no perfect people in the world. No need to go over and over my imperfections in certain situations. It is time to move forward. I don't need to read any more books about how to deal with difficult, crazymakers, or chronically hurtful people. I am free from their control over me. The inordinate attachment is severed. The plane is no longer tethered to the ground, it is flying high. 

That was so good to freewrite! I had written and meditated from 3-4am this morning, but in the light of day, it is even clearer what has been happening here. 

Thank you, God! Grateful beyond words.  (And thanks for the sun shining through the window because that has been our thing for 40 years.)

Evening Examen

What are you grateful for?

1. My Pilates classes at OSU
2. Riding my bike in the sunshine to and from class
3. Resting in your presence as the sunshine came through the window

Where was God? Where did you accept his invitation to be loving grateful, and yourself?

Morning - Calm as I had time with God. I got ready for my class by doing my attendance. I got ready and rode my bike on a glorious day.

Taught two classes. We exercised to Celtic Music, and I enjoyed it so much. I love moving my body to music and teaching the class. We did the half-leg series. 

Enjoyed my coworkers

Lunch - Rode my bike - really sunny by then. I rode it to the library and picked up the book bags, and the rainbow was streaming into the front entry. It was so beautiful.  I came back home and had another time with God in the "Three Kinds of People" which is Week 18 of the Exercises. I showered. 

Afternoon - I had another time with God as the sun streamed in, and then I went and watched The Five. I also watched things I had recorded. Emailed with important people. Set up an SD appointment for next Wednesday. Connected B with the conversant program. Marco Polo with some friends. Read through April's Spiritual Exercises things. 

Evening - Nothing special. I am already needing to sleep. I just wanted to get an Examen in before bedtime. 

Regrets - None that I can think of. I definitely had to continue to work through the trauma of late December. So, I did it during my shower. I think that is OK. I am not dwelling, but I am also trying not to REPRESS my feelings which is something that I could easily do. 

Most Meaningful - Teaching class. I love it. It is great to be back at it. 

Love for tomorrow? I don't have a big agenda for tomorrow. I am hoping to just rest after my big week last week. I think I need to go to bed now. Wow! I really didn't realize how tired I was until I started doing this Examen. 

Tuesday Examen Freewrite

Things I am Grateful for:

- Long Examen with George almost all the way up to Hillsboro - Thursday - Sunday. I love that my hubby has things on the tip of his tongue, and he loves to share unhindered. And that I can do the same with him. Love all around.

- Almost all day of focused meditation in the morning and studying the Enneagram in the afternoon

- Going to Enneagram Portland for our first evening panel (Type 9). Thankful for Dale for leading it so well.

Getting up in the morning - it was a bit rushed because I had not packed up my day pack for the day of work, but I was OK getting out the door. George was so sweet to make me tea just the right way when I got up. I was tired from Thursday - Sunday in Boise, and he made getting out the door so much easier. 

Morning - The Examen was time for George and me to get the inside story of our hearts for the past four days.  In the end, I told him I felt SHAME for making him a bit late for work. Then George went to prayer to ask God where that came from. I wish I could remember it all, but it was a good time with God. I saw a "shame cloud" at the tip of Mt. St Michel. It inhibited me from touching the finger of God like the Sistine Chapel. I know it goes back to me feeling like I always was disappointing my mom I know she was proud of me. I would hear her brag to other people about me all the time. But one thing about my mom, I KNEW she always loved me. So I always felt loved. I just usually felt like a disappointment. It was a good and honest time of talking about shame and what that really is. I know that Russ Hudson talked a lot about it in the instinctual variants class, and I knew this was my application for it. I think it is bigger than I have ever thought. So I will explore this more. All that to say that it was SO GOOD to talk to George about it and have him pray. I also felt like I was going to get the library late, and my study room would be taken, but I need to live in the present moment, and right there in the car, I was safe. I don't even know if this makes sense. But this is my freewrite. So it does not matter if it makes sense to anyone but God!

Later Morning - I had such a super time with God in the study room (that was NOT occupied). I had another "White Board Worship and Prayer" time. So good! I should have taken a picture of it!

Noon - I worked through lunch because George had a meeting, and I had the study room until 1pm. But again, sweet George brought me lunch! I would have just worked through it. I worked on the Type 5 study sheet for the Enneagram Studio E class and narrative panels. It was so good to review. I worked until the people came to claim their study room, but the one next to it was empty. So I reserved that one with George's email until 4:30 and kept on working. 

Afternoon - When the person came to claim their room at 4:30, I went for a walk at Dawson Creek. I had gotten an email at the end of my study time that somewhat unnerved me. I had an "out loud" conversation with God about it, and I thought the people leaving their work probably thought I was an insane person talking to myself. It was good to process.

Evening - George and I went through the traffic to get to PSU and our class with Dale. We processed the email that essentially said: "Have I done something to offend you because you looked at me so seriously?"  I appreciate not making the assumption that I was offended. But something similar to this has happened four out of the seven times we have been together where I get a "You did this or did not do this, and that hurt my feelings or are we ok?"  I am a people-pleaser and want everyone to know that they are loved, but I think this is the person's issue. I appreciate her wanting to clarify, but it has happened so many times that I am weary. Just weary. I know it is not the person's intention, but I am beginning to feel harassed. The message is, "YOU are doing something wrong, and you need to make me feel good about myself." That is death to my Type Two, and I know that is my false self.  

In this case, I knew that person had done nothing to offend me, and I had done nothing to give them that impression. I don't know if I can change how I look at a person.  (But the SHAME came popping up again - I am doing something wrong to make someone else feel uncomfortable, but I am powerless to change something I don't think I am doing.) George helped me process all of that. I feel compassion for someone who is even looking for how I looked at them and thinking I am unhappy with them. So, I finally responded, "We're fine. Nope, no problems here." Because there aren't any. I don't need to twist myself like a pretzel. I don't need a long dialogue. Maybe they just needed assurance. The other four times did not assure that person. I don't know if there is anything more that I can do. I need to let God speak truth to that person. I think a long dialogue would not be productive. 

I found a cheap parking place near our venue for the class, and we enjoyed 2 hours and 15 minutes of hearing about the Type 9. George is so sweet to go with me. I love Dale and my classmates in my cohort. This venue includes about 30 other people from the community too. I wish we could have gone to dinner with my cohort, but George got off work so late, and I treasure the time with him in the car on the way. We were quiet in the car for half of the ride back home, but I asked a question and George spoke from Salem to home and couldn't believe he went on and one. He is not a typical Type Nine though. He knows what he is feeling, but that is because he has grown so much in our 30 years together. So grateful for him. 

Late Evening - We tried to watch an episode of Sanditon, but I did not last very long and kept falling asleep. 

Regret - My original exasperation over the email. It is about me feeling like I cannot please people. It was me feeling shame for not measuring up to what that person thinks communicates harmony in a relationship. I am grateful for the walk to let me process all of that. I want that person to feel loved and accepted, but I cannot make that happen. I have done everything she has asked me to do, and I cannot do anything else. Give me the grace to relate the way you want me to relate, Lord. (I do appreciate her not making an assumption though. So that is good after my most recent difficult talk where someone made 31 years of assumptions.) 

An especially meaningful part of my day - The talks to and from Portland with George. They are always so deep and so meaningful to me. We have an authentic connection. What do you want me to know about that Lord? "This is a good match. I am so pleased." (It is what Tom said in our wedding ceremony. It is so true.)

I pray for the grace to see you in the next day, LORD! 

Amen. 

Monday Freewrite FLYING

BE FREE!
FLY FREE!
BE FREE!
FLY FREE!

Yippee! I do think I have moved past the latest "turbulence"! 

Yesterday in Boise, in the early morning time with God, I had a moment. I heard the words from above, crisp as the cold and snowy morning I was observing from Debbie's window. 

THEN, eleven hours later, we hit major turbulence in our descent down through the clouds on the way back to Portland. I asked the flight attendant if that was common, and she said it was much worse on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Then she waxed philosophical, "But isn't that an analogy for life? Sometimes, we face major turbulence that tries to throw us off our intended destination, and we just need to keep on flying forward. It is just a little turbulence." 

I told her, "That is pretty much what I heard God say to me during my prayer time this morning."

It was a God moment. 

When I told George about this, he said, "You have continually had people say things that spoke truth unbeknownst to them of the turbulence you had just experienced." I think of Dania's card within a couple of hours of the turbulence that hit that contradicted. I think of running into a former Pilates student who told me how much she appreciated something about me that the turbulence maker had twisted into a negative. I kissed Sue's hand when she said it. God knew I needed to hear it. 

But all that said, I needed to hear God say it to me, not just people who knew me well. 

And I have heard him so many times. And guess what: I BELIEVE him. 

The Examen prayer that George and I did in the car on the way up to his work today brought more clarity to things for both of us. For him in his job situation, and me with this latest turbulence. I have things that I can work on, but I am flying straight through the turbulence to the ASCENT of the upward call. It would be silly for me to not continue flying for then I would crash. 

Not that I am perfect, but I PRESS ON (I fly forward) that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has laid hold of me. One thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I PRESS ON (I fly free and forward) toward the goal of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:12-13)

The SHAME clouds of my life are clearing, and it is a glorious day above. Reaching up I see and touch the finger of God from a house dug deeply into a firm foundation. 

Thursday Freewrite

George's prayer for me for 2019:

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine

Within your house (in the innermost parts)

Your children like olive plants

Around your table.

Psalm 128:3

So sweet of him. The cross-reference:

Your mother is like a vine in your vineyard

Planted by the waters;

It was fruitful and full of branches

Because of abundant waters.  

Ezekiel 19:10

Nancy always prays for me at a spring. She takes a picture. She says it is always flowing even in the middle of the summer. 

Fruitful vine, full of branches, abundant waters. In the innermost parts of my house. I see this happening almost daily as I sit and talk with women and hear their hearts (and they hear mine as well - authentic connection and community is what I love). 

Yesterday, I had such a good time talking and praying with B. God had told me to ask her what her identity name is, and she volunteered it. Then I told her that God had told me to ask her, Isn't that cool? 

Wouldn't it be like the enemy to want to destroy the beautiful fruit that he is bearing in and through this home? 

But we are on to him now. 

The grace I am praying for this week in the Spiritual Exercises is . . .

• To discern the deceits of the enemy (the rebel chief) and help guard against them and 
• To discern a deeper knowledge of the ways of Jesus (the sovereign, true commander) and the grace to imitate his ways.

So, that is what I am seeking this week. I think both Cammie and Carol's counsel were to put my armor on. I have not been doing that as much lately. It seems so arrogant on my part to say I might be effective enough to be a target for the enemy, but he is a sly one. He got me more recently where there was a "chink" in my armor (Carol's words). That chink is the idolatry of man and his/her opinion of me. Ever since praying with Carol and praying through two memories that involved word curses (one from college and one from childhood about 10 years old), I know something has lifted. It lifted immediately after we prayed together. 

Then, God gave me the most incredible dream last night where I stood in his presence and God evaluated me. It was awesome. I believe! I believe! It is what my close friends, mentors, and George have seen in me and affirmed in me the last few weeks. I just have chosen not to fully believe it because every once in a while someone comes along (who doesn't know me) and says things that are not true, in fact, are the opposite of true.

So, there is nothing but peace now. Really and truly. I am so grateful for the mentors in my life. I did not have Fran this time around because of Rick's passing. I did not have Lorraine because she is in heaven (Can she see? - I don't know the theology behind that, but when thinking of her last week, I had such a warm and wonderful feeling, almost like there was something falling on my shoulders like a mantle. It was an overwhelming sense of God's presence.)

Anyway, the dream was standing before him expecting to "get it" from him, only to hear such kind and affirming words. 

The enemy comes to kill, steal, destroy

Jesus came that I might have life and have it abundantly. 

John 10:10

I cannot stop. You have something for me, God. Beyond even anything I have hoped or dreamed of. 

Forgetting what lies behind

I reach forward to what lies ahead.

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the 

upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 

Phil 3:13-14

I cannot wait to see what is next! 

Wednesday Freewrite

Fifteen minutes and counting.

I loved my first day back at work. I have a full class at 10 am, and my advanced class is a little over half full (not unusual for Pilates II since I switched to Tuesdays and lost all my returners to graduation). They seem positive and energetic, and I was born to teach. :) 

I also just love my coworkers. They are all just great people, every last one of them. 

I am also so proud of Paul for landing this job. He went to orientation Monday/Tuesday and starts his on the job training tonight. Now, praying for Michael to get a job. I would love it to be in Corvallis, but I think he really likes Salem.

I am off to Boise for four days. I have just six more days of training with six travel days. I am all finished with my readings, contemplative reflections, dialogues, and spiritual direction hours (I have two to three times the required hours already, and it is only January). So, just three training/supervision meetings where I get to be around my cohort for two days and Debbie for four. The only hassle is the travel, and George cannot take me this time. So I am going to have Tim or Barbie take me to the airport. 

I had an hour talk with one of my mentors, Carol, who lives in Liberia now, and she prayed through some things with me. She was so affirming, so caring. She asked me, "What is the truth? Who does God say that you are?" I know who He says I am. I just want to be open to feedback, but she was very flat out rejecting of the feedback I got. "That is not the person that I know and have known for many years." I think I have known her for almost 20 years! WOW! Whenever it was Michelle B. went to her and told me about her. What a blessing she is to me. Yes, I think it was the year 2000. It was when we had our Precept training at the church. 

I am seeing someone for direction in about two hours. I am averaging 1-2 a week. I had one on Monday and now today. That reminds me, Kim texted me. I must respond when I am done with this freewrite. 

I have three minutes. I think I have had nothing but peace since my talk with Carol 24 hours ago. So, I think I can say this time it took me 15 days to recover from this latest round of stuff I had to work through. 

So, that is a bit above the last time that was 12 days in October 2019. Prior to that, I cannot remember when was the last time, maybe August 2016?  It was just that difficult person in my Pilates class (not OSU) in the summer/fall of 2019, and that was handled so well! Prior to that, it was that guy that I did the transition with at OSU, and that worked out so well too!  

I am doing so much better! YAY to freedom. Now back to work. 

Tuesday Freewrite

I am so happy. :) I had an hour talk/prayer time with Carol in Liberia today. 

(That is all I wrote, but I will count it as a freewrite!)

Monday Examen

Prayerful Review of Sunday

One question this week: How have you proclaimed the message of Christ to those who may not have been expecting to hear it?

Let yourself enter into God's presence.

Grateful for from Sunday:
1) Visiting with the B family. Healthy, spiritually alive, animated, funny. I loved listening to C tell about how God led her to put her daughter in a certain school. It is so life-giving to hear stories of how God is intersecting in people's lives.
2) Michelle's Baby Shower - what a privilege to be invited into finding out what the sex of her baby is (still a secret because people in Australia do not know). Good to talk to Karen who stayed at our home in 2010. 

Morning - It was calm. I contemplated the Two Standards and sought the grace to discern the deceits of the enemy (the rebel chief) and help guard against them and a deeper knowledge of the ways of Jesus (the sovereign, true commander) and the grace to imitate them. The questions related to the two paths: Riches, Honor/Esteem, Pride versus Poverty, Dishonor, Humility were so good. I want to be read for humble service that will bring glory to him. This latest humbling was God's teaching for me. I have observed the accusations and sought wise counsel. I am at total rest now. 

Mid-morning - I noticed God in the words of encouragement of George as we drove up to Portland. What a gem of a man. I will forever be grateful for the loving man that he is. I told him he is the most Christ-like person I have ever met, and I see so much of him that has been passed on to our sons. So, it was such a good time in the car together. 

Middle of the Day - George dropped me off at Michelle's at 11:55am. I was the only one there for about 20 minutes. Michelle radiates Jesus, and she is glowing as a pregnant woman. I had not seen her for 2 1/2 years since she lives in Australia. (I should mention I also got to hug Josh who met George for lunch while I was at the shower.)

Afternoon - I had a good talk with Karen. She was married a few months after we had a heart-to-heart about marriage at my home. Michelle had come to spend the night with her, and she was thinking about moving here and living with Michelle, but God said no, and within weeks she was dating her husband (and Michelle ended up moving to California)! I should also mention that now, almost ten years later, she and her husband want to move to our area. So that would be nice. I really like her. Her friend joined us a little later. Not quite as warm and friendly as Karen, but I have no prior relationship. We did connect a bit because she is a homeschooler.  Last year through the Exercises, Mike (my spiritual director) pointed out how authentic connection is threaded throughout my whole life. I realize how much I hope for it with every single person that I meet. It is good to not do that some times. 

Late afternoon - we left the shower to go to Sue and Bob's. Sue is George's cousin. George had a baseball glove and picture for Bob and Robbie their son. They were tickled. Then, we had such a pleasant time with them. They are such an on-fire for the Lord family. I loved hearing Robbie's wife, Carrie, tell me about how God led her to put her daughter in a certain school. There was an authentic connection made there. :) They are also people so curious about our lives too. It was a great visit. Driving home in the car, we were so filled. George had such a great time with Josh, and I had such a great weekend filled with loving people. But I realized that I was very tired.

Evening - I don't know if I felt the presence of God so much in the evening. I watched the last part of the Golden Globe Awards. I loved Tom Hanks speech. He choked up the first thing about his family. It was so lovely. Other than that, I realized that the only things I had ever seen were The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and The Crown (yay Olivia Coleman). I had not seen any of the movies or other TV shows nominated. The thing that won over Maisel was a show I watched for two minutes and turned off because it was so disgusting. I usually really love award shows, but I did not this time. I did watch one of the Sunday morning news shows while I puttered. 

I was asleep very early.

Forgive me, Lord, for my interaction with the woman that was not warm and friendly. I often don't know how to interact with them and realize that I get scared. Why is that? Would you show me why? Why was I so glued to my seat with her? Why didn't I just go on to other people? (I knew no one else except Karen and Michelle's parents - surprised.)

The most meaningful part of the day: Seeing Michelle glowing with pregnancy. She waited so long to be married, and she seems so happy. Also my conversation with George's cousin's family. It was lovely to be with warm, talkative (more talkative than me which I have no problem with), and Spirit-led and filled people. 

Lord, what do you want me to know about that? 

Sitting here in your presence, I have such peace. 

Let me see your presence today. Bless George on the road and at work and bless Paul's first day on his new job!! I pray for Michael to get a job! Bless his day too. I love my three men!!!!

Sunday Freewrite

I am going to write for fifteen today.

I didn't have enough time this morning to do a freewrite. So I am going to do it before I go to sleep.

Yesterday was so fun. I had a spiritual direction time in the morning. I had forgotten to send something to her to start off our time together, and I didn't realize that until we started our time. She did not know what she was doing. I have no idea what happened. I remember sending it, but I must have sent it to the wrong place. OH WELL.

Then, George and I went on a walk and Jeni called to set up our time with M. Then I came and finished updating my Exercises for Everyone Guidebook. I am so happy with how this turned out. YAY!

Then, they picked me up, and we went to Bazaar for lunch and talked and talked. M loves deep conversation, and we had it. Then, we went to the Corvallis Arts Center, and I took them on a tour of the library because JENI had never been there and did not even know where it was. We laughed so much. I also ran into Sue, Kathy, and Laura. Sue said what I needed to hear about the truth about me, and she knows NOTHING about what I have been through. It was such a compliment that contradicted the lies. I kissed her hand and thanked her. It just seems like God keeps dropping truth in my lap, uninvited! It keeps happening. I know some awesome people. 

Then, they dropped me off and Katherine invited us over for tea, but I told her they were already gone. But I realized I left my labneh in Jeni's car. She came back about 45 minutes later to drop it off. So, I asked if M wanted to go to Katherine's. Initially, she said no, and they left. Then there was a knock on my door, and M wanted to go. 

We were only going to be at Katherine's for an hour, but we ended up staying almost three. We got into a really deep talk about relationships. When I took M home, I asked her how she felt about it. She said, "Remember how I told you at lunch how much I love to talk about deep things? This was deep, and I loved it!" So yay! I learned some things from the conversation. 

I went to bed so happy and tired!

Then, Sunday we went to a baby shower for Michelle! It was so good to see her, and she looks so great. Then we stopped at George's cousin's house to drop off some special family things. We visited with them for 1 1/2 hours, and it was SO GREAT! Again, they know nothing about what I have been through, but it was just so affirming to have a lovely conversation with them. What a nice bunch of people!

Saturday Freewrite

I had a great day yesterday. I went to write a freewrite last night, but I got distracted. So I missed another day! No matter.

I got up early and went rode up to Hillsboro with George. I am trying to do that more so I am keeping Fridays relatively free. It seems like my two working directees like Thursday better anyway. Now, that I am not going to be doing the weight lifting class, I will be home an hour earlier on Thursdays. So it is doable. 

I walked for a couple of hours and then got into the study room at the library. My prayer time was in Ecclesiastes on the subject of wisdom. It was so good. I wrote out thoughts and impressions on the whiteboard as I prayed. Then I had these thoughts and meditations to look at until lunchtime. Visual reminders of what God is teaching me through this latest trial. I am so blessed.

I have been re-editing my Exercises for Everyone manual to the Spiritual Exercises. It is so edifying and soothing to my soul. I cut and pasted two of the quotes that are in my manual, and the response was amazing. People can identify with counteracting what the outside world says about you and what God says about you! Also, many can identify with finding their "sweet spot" when it comes to what brings us pleasure and the needs of the world. 

I am just going to put both quotes here for posterity! They are good quotes. 

First of all, you have to keep unmasking the world about you for what it is: manipulative, controlling, power-hungry, and, in the long run, destructive. The world tells you many lies about who you are, and you simply have to be realistic enough to remind yourself of this. Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: “These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting embrace.” Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen, p. 59

I am going to freewrite on this quote. (I have lots of time because I got up super early. It is 4 am, and I don't have a spiritual direction directee until 8 am - my first time directing someone through the 18th annotation of the Exercises! I have been doing the 19th, but I am adapting it for the 18th too. YAY!) 

The world tells you many lies about who you are, and you simply have to be realistic enough to remind yourself of this. Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: “These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself."

This one has gotten the greatest reaction on social media. I can conclude from this that this is a common problem. People's identity is constantly being challenged by the outside world. This is so good for me to read since my identity was greatly challenged. I am a pretty open person so I wanted to be open to input and bring the accusations before God and get input from others who know me well (friends, immediate family, and spiritual director(s)). They were all quick to discount the accusations, but I entertain things far longer than I should. When I look to God, he also says differently - "they are not telling me the truth about myself." I have to realize that no amount of convincing will cause the firmly held opinion to change. So, I have to just let it go and believe that:

The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting embrace.

This hit so many people when I posted it. I love that book. Also, in the re-editing, I took another look at my Belovedness Statement:

My princess, I have given you the names Carol and Boldly Beloved for a reason. You are a wonderful creation of mine, and I am with you always as your victorious, quietly loving, warrior, empowering you to be bold and rejoicing over you with songs and shouts of joy (and your earthly father was listening to Me when he changed you name to Carol without knowing it meant “Song of Joy”). On top of all this, I want you to know there is no condemnation from Me because you are in Christ Jesus, you are free from the critique of men, living only to please and delight Me as your audience of One. Nothing, absolutely nothing, will separate you from My love in Christ Jesus.

My problem is that I want to be open and teachable, but as my friends, family, and spiritual director(s) have told me: listen to God first and your soul family who knows you well. My spiritual director, Cammie, was very direct in her question, "Why are you even listening to this?" It all goes back to my sin pattern that George told me on that walk when I was first going through the Exercises back on November 17, 2017:

"You are putting being accepted by people 

above God's truth for you, 

and that's idolatry."

I recorded it on my iPhone while we were on a walk. That sums up why this Henri Nouwen quote is so important. I had found such great freedom in not caring what other people thought of me. This latest thing could have knock me on my keister, but I am doing OK. It is Wisdom's teacher to me. The important thing is to not stuff it but to channel my emotions and feelings to God rather than put energy into trying to convince someone that they are incorrect. 

The Second quote:

The kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done....The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.   Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC by Frederick Buechner, p. 118-119 

This is so Ignatian in thought. What is life-giving to me (deep gladness) is probably put there by God so I need to pay attention to it. Thus why I quit one of my jobs to focus on students (college) who are more life-giving to me. I so enjoy my jobs! I am right where I need to be. 

I better get to work! Longer freewrite today. Second cup of chai commencing as I go back to re-editing.

P.S. Here is what one of my friends said about the second quote:

Ephesians 2:10 has been coming home to live in my heart for several years. Jesus came to restore our relationship with God so we would be free to do the work he created us to do for the sheer joy of co-laboring with him. No fear of failure, no comparison involved, no “salvation” on the line. Just delight. Our relationship with work is the expression of our relationship with God. Our broken relationship with work is the very essence of our broken relationship with God. Work is one of the most beautiful gifts he could ever have given us. It’s how we share and express his heart. I’m pretty passionate. 😂

Thoroughly Modern Millie

When I saw part of The Sound of Music (in my top 5 movies)  on TV over Christmas, I went on a binge-watch of every documentary made about the movie (there was one from Great Britain that was fascinating) and a multitude of documentaries about and interviews with Julie Andrews. 

So I decided to get a couple of her movies at the library. OH MY! SO FUN! I have a vague memory of seeing this back in 1967 too. I would have been eight years old. How can you go wrong with Julie Andrews, Mary Tyler Moore, and Carol Channing? The first dance in the elevator with Mary TM and Julie is amazing. The "Tapioca" is a thrill! Such fun. 

Two thumbs up! Julie was my favorite actress growing up. My best friend, Tara Rozelle (RIP), and I would pretend we were characters in movies. Often, I was Mary Poppins or Maria Von Trapp (and I ended up marrying a Georg, just like Maria). We would dance around singing the songs at the top of my lungs. Sweet memories. 

Thursday Freewrite

I fell fast asleep at 8:45 last night. So, not surprisingly, I woke up at 2:45 this morning. Oh well. Then I had horrible chest pain, waking George up to tell him to I cannot find the aspirin. I don't think it was a heart attack, but you never know. I wanted to alert him. I took the aspirin and also some heartburn fizzy stuff. It might be a muscle. 

Anywho, it is fun to get back to Bible Book Club. I have been looking at the posts in Grammarly, and realize that I have some mistakes I had never seen before like compliment instead of complement! ACK! I love learning new things every day.

I had an amazing time with God this morning. I meditated on the visit of the wise men. I went forward to Epiphany on my Pray as You God app, and the meditation was beautiful. I had such a mantle of peace rest upon me. I was able to get in touch with sadness over Lorraine's passing. I was able to have such a moment with God over the impact that both Lorraine AND Ginny had in my life. I am SO, SO, grateful for their mentoring for 30 years. It was a sweet moment with God.

Yesterday was also so very sweet. I am also so blessed by my family. During dinner last night, Michael had gone back to Salem, and we had such a deep talk with Paul. It lasted for about three hours! His insights and wisdom and questions were amazing. He went out of the room for a bit in the middle of our talking, and George and I looked at one another and said, "WOW! Can you believe how insightful he is?" He is honest and authentic and insightful and wise. As we were talking I thought what a good counselor he would make. No joke. He doesn't sugar coat anything, but he delivers truth in such a wonderful way. I am still amazed this morning. I know this will be a tremendous year of growth for him as he enters into full-time work. I am so looking forward to seeing where he ends up. He is not sure what his passions are, and I am hoping this year will be one where he discovers them. I will ponder all these things in my heart and pray into it. I don't want to hold to the counselor thing, but all I can say is, "WOW" at his insights last night. Just wow.

God is good. All the time. He is good. I am entering back into the hubbub of one of my vocations: teaching Pilates. I hope I love it as much as when I left. I do so love the people I work with. They are the best people. So positive. So encouraging. So loving. My students are always a mixed bag, but I always find some that I bond with. I really want to emphasize that my class is a safe space for them to relax and breathe and become strong in body, mind, and spirit. Anxiety is rampant, and I want them to learn to relax during a busy college day. I want to be salt and light on a dark winter day. Lord, love through me. Shed light through me.

Now, thinking about spiritual direction. Oh, Lord, how I absolutely love this vocation. I do. I do. I do. It is what I was born to do. I really think I have been doing it for over 30 years, but Sandy and Marty have so helped me come into my own with it. I want to see this grow and blossom throughout our city and agency (my other job). Would you make it so?

I am starting the 18th annotation of the Exercises with Marge on Saturday. Would you sanctify and bless that time, Lord? I am really looking forward to it. 

There are fifteen minutes! BYE! 

The FBI Story

 

I have decided to devote this year to movie reviews! 

Jimmy Stewart is my favorite all-time actor, and this is a great story. He is such a HERO in this movie, just like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. Actually, his character in this movie is very similar to George Bailey!

I loved it. It also has a section dedicated to the Osage murders in Oklahoma which is the subject of the book Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and Birth of the FBI that I read last year for my book club.  

I loved the movie, but that is because I love everything that Jimmy Stewart does and his family was friends with my family in Indiana, Pennsylvania. 

The movie starts out with the main character narrating:

John Michael Hardesty : [Opening narration]  Webster's International Dictionary defines murder as the unlawful taking of human life by another human being. On a November evening in 1955 the definition became obsolete. A mass murder was being planned.

It is not the best Jimmy Stewart movie, but it is a nice one. 

Wednesday Freewrite

I look out over a cold, windy, dreary January 1, but I am so sitting on a warm tropical beach looking out over the ocean on the inside. All is well.

I miss having the sorority to gather day of prayer people. I miss Teala. I miss our times of going out to dinner and sharing about how we met with God, but I was so good just planning a day all on my own. I secretly (well not so secretly, really) hope that Teala does move back here so we can go back to the tradition we had for 25 years (even before Paul was born) of going to her sorority and inviting others to pray. She moved, and that all went away. In the last two years, my back was really WACKO on New Year's Eve. So, I did it from a comfortable chair at home. This year, I had no incidences. In fact, I had NOTHING all of 2019. 

My day consisted of two hours of prayer at home. Then I hit the road. I walked along the waterfront and had a healthy time of pouring out my heart like water in God's presence. I had such a peaceful year, but one thing was so unjust that I just had to keep on processing to peace. "Pray toward the peace" is my philosophy, and I love that prayer offers that. God is not going to be offended by anything I say, and He always speaks to me. So the waterfront walk was so cleansing and lovely. The weather was also lovely with little patches of blue sky peeking out over the water. LOVE! 

Then I walked downtown and prayed for the businesses there. Not gonna' lie, I think that my town is one of the best towns in the whole USA. I LOVE this downtown area. I loved watching the people too. I had such pleasant encounters with others along the way too. 

Then I went to the New Morning Bakery. It was quiet with few people, and I was so engrossed in prayer that I did not notice that by the time I looked up from prayer that the place was filled with noisy people. That is how much I could block out. I prayed through the "Great Annual Examen" that I have done since 2017. Then I read through the last two, and it was so great! Things I prayed that have come to pass. Evaluations of the years 2017, 2018 were so good! 

After this, I went to the library. The sweet librarian said there were no study rooms so I settled in a carrol, but she came and found me in the library to give me one that had just come available! HOW SWEET!  I sat in the room and looked out the window and up at the sky. God gave me a guiding verse for the year:

Guard (watch over) with 

all diligence (above all else) your heart

for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23

Cammie said we wear our hearts on our sleeve. And she really felt it was sucking my energy away from what God has for me. She was SO ENCOURAGING. I think she is right: I am too open to anyone's input/approval/evaluation, etc. I need to guard my heart and keep it for those who are in my sphere of influence and know me well. I have lots of concern for others, but I cannot open my heart to everyone. That was good to realize.

God said, "I will guard and protect your heart, Carol."

Thank you.  I also prayed through the Lord's Prayer, especially that God would "not lead me into a time of trial and testing." That was my prayer last year, and even with a broken leg, I felt so protected and safe. I also prayed to be "delivered from the evil one." On my waterfront walk, I realized I had not been putting my armor on like I have been reminded so many times before. Cammie reminded me during our time together too! Why do I keep on forgetting that simple thing? This protects my heart. Patty yelling at me once, "Can't you see you are a target of the enemy because of what you do?" Cammie didn't yell, but she essentially said the same thing. I have had people tell me that throughout the years, but I don't like to believe it because it seems so arrogant. I had great protection over the whole year, especially after I decided that I would not put up with the bullying from that one lady in my Pilates class. That was so healthy for me. Satan is always trying to get into the chinks, but if I am not putting my armor on, there are so many more vulnerabilities. Oh, we heart triad people are so sensitive. If you are not in that triad, I think it is really hard to understand how much we let things penetrate us, BUT NO MORE. This end of the year drama really cemented it for me! 

Other guiding verses are Exodus 14:13-14 (about protection by God) and Psalm 131 (composing and quieting my soul over a matter too difficult for me) Drama people are just too difficult for me, and it is typical for Type Twos to get sucked up in it because we are empaths. I used to try to move toward them, but now I walk away. Let them go through their own wilderness like you did with my mom, and LOOK HOW IT ENDED UP - total peace and ushering her into heaven. I loved those last days with my mom. They were so, so blessed! 

God did speak some direct words about my situation that I cannot share here. I had the same words about a similar situation 3 1/2 years ago, and with Sister Joan's insistence, I removed myself from the drama, but all is well now (like with my mom). Space is great. No expectation is great. "All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

I ended the time with a walk around the OSU campus interceding and rejoicing. I ran into the lovely Miss Stacy Spellings, and we walked to the MU so she could send a package. Then I walked her back to work. Then I went to the multi-faith room at her work and prayed some more. After this, I stopped to see Keith, our sweet admin at my department. He was all alone, and we had the nicest talk. 

Then, I went to three stores looking for an above the ground firepit. Nothing. So, when George came home, we burned some lies (21 of them to be exact) in a little metal can. 

Then, Jan and Phil came for dinner and stayed until almost 11! Phil kept saying, "I am so invigorated by this conversation." When I read my goals for 2019, I had written, "Have Jan and Phil over for dinner." We just made it by about 6 hours! LOL! I really think that the invigoration came from the fact that they are "soul family." People who are not soul family would not have liked our conversation. I need to be around soul family people more often in 2020! 

After this, we hopped in a car to go to Dex and Sonja's for the New Year's Eve/Retirement for Joe and Dex/60th Birthday for Joe Party. Groove Clinic was playing with Dr. Faddis, Paul Smith, and Andy Philips and all the spouses (minus Sally) in attendance. What a fun group of people that I have not seen in AGES! There were many I did not know, but I knew enough to have a great time, and I met a new person who was so interesting to talk to. She lived in France and became fluent and works at the Corvallis Art Center. She was really nice and intriguing (George knew her husband because of working at HP), and she totally got my Pilates Instructor/Spiritual Director mix of a vocation. 

Overall, such a great, great end of 2019. 

So excited for 2020!