How to Pray Week One - Chpaters 1 & 2: Prayer Everywhere and Keeping it Simple

Read:

Intro: How to Make the Most of This Book; Chapter 1: Prayer Everywhere; Chapter 2: Keeping it Simple

Key verse: “Lord, teach us to pray” – Luke 11:1

Summary points

· We can ask Jesus to help teach us to pray

· Prayer is like a toolbox – there are lots of different ways of praying

· Keep it simple. Keep it Real. Keep it up.

Questions

Q: What do you find difficult about prayer?

Nothing really. If I have to be absolutely positively honest. I LOVE to pray. I feel like it has always been pretty easy for me, and I love finding new avenues for an encounter with God. It is how I am with George too though. I love spending time with him. We don’t get tired of one another.

Q: What do you find easy?

God is always there to dialogue with (I talk and I listen – both in equal measure). God is the only one who truly “gets” me. That is what I find easy: GOD. He is so much more than I could ever ask or imagine. He is bigger than I could ever comprehend. He is more secure than any human being on earth. So, I can bring ANYTHING to him.

Q: Why do you think prayer can often feel hard?

I think I should pose this for others to answer because it has never “often felt hard” for me. Never. I am very thankful for this, but some of the people I have discipled or done spiritual direction with over the years, have found it difficult. So, I am on a quest to find out why this is hard for many people.

Here are some thoughts I have about this:

People can often be perfectionists. So, they think that prayer has to be a certain way. Or they are busy and cannot create space in their day for it. Or they might feel they have to do it in the morning, and they are not morning people.  Many people just don’t care to be connected with God.

George: Distractions. “I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to do that.”  (Just write it down, and you don’t have to lose it.) Don’t plan it with the same priority.

I am uber RELATIONAL. So, it transfers over into my relationship with God. I will take in any way I can CONNECT to him relationally!

Pete says the best piece of advice is to “Keep it simple, keep it real and keep it up.”

Keep it simple: “your prayer life is at its best at its simplest”

Q: What do you mostly talk to God about?

I love to tell him how wonderful he is. I love to look at Scripture and respond to him from that. I talk to him about what I am needing to release, my consolations and desolations, I listen to him for direction and words of comfort and peace. I intercede on behalf of friends and loved ones. I lift up the current events and unreached people groups.

Keep it real: “Don’t role-play before God”

Q: Do you feel like you have to act a certain way before God when you pray? Why or why not?

Absolutely and positively NOT! He is all-knowing. So, there is no act that will be effective. He sees me just the way I am and LOVES me. There is no reason to hide. Also, Jesus reversed the Garden hiding. We can be out in full view of him for all the world to see!

Keep it up: “Don’t give up praying too soon”

Q: Do you find it challenging to persevere in prayer?

Nope. I do forget some things that I feel the LORD is telling me to pray about. Then I say, “Oh yay!” I think my shower crayon has helped. I have not been using that recently.

For the most part, I pray for a long time and it has been fun to see God answer some long-term things like peoples of the world coming to know him!

Q: How can we be encouraged to keep going?

Prayer mentors – Thank you, Sheryl Rice-Jury, Kathy Galloway-Allen, Helene Ashker, Ginny Bowen, Lorraine Fleishman. They were all such prayer mentors for me.

Prayer community – I have the privilege of being part of some awesome prayer communities of people over the years. Navigators were always really good about making prayer a BIG priority in everything we did. Both personal and corporate. Everyone was praying and spending time with God and sharing about what God was saying, and then we were praying together in one place corporately. ALL my leaders were people of deep and abiding prayer. Having the PUMP parties, TOAG prayer hours, Watchwomen, etc. I also liked that early morning group I had in the late 80s. 

Renovaré has also been great for prayer. Having been part of it since early on. It started in 1988. I read Celebration of Discipline in college (maybe it was on Rusty’s shelf when I housesat the summer of 1980?), and most of those disciplines were instilled in me through the Navigators, but Renovaré definitely reinforced it and reading through the Devotional Readings was helpful as I was exposed to excerpts of the giants of prayer in history. Reading Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home was also very instrumental along with E.M. Bounds, SD Gordon, etc.

Do It

Think about one way you’d like to grow in prayer and your relationship with God over the course.

I have had the goal to grow in Centering Prayer since early 2019 and will continue that. Reading The Sacred Enneagram in September of 2018 challenged me in this area. I had tried to read Basil Pennington's book at a prayer retreat in November 2018, but I thought it was not for me. Then we read the Cloud of Unknowing in the Renovare Book Club in Spring 2019, and I realized that God was already bringing me into this kind of prayer naturally during my colloquy times in the Spiritual Exercises and my afternoon times at the kitchen table when the sun was streaming into the room. So it didn't seem that unattainable when I realized that God was doing it naturally without reading Basil's book (LOL!) and that it was OK to let "kataphatic" (a prayer that has content; it uses words, symbols, ideas) of  Lectio Divina and Ignatian Imaginative Contemplation being the springboards to "apophatic" (a prayer that has no content; meaning emptying the mind of words or ideas and simply resting in the presence of God) because it is the natural "Rest" portion of Lectio Divina! Then I downloaded the Centering Prayer App in May 2019, and I started having short times of Centering Prayer even apart from the "kataphatic" prayer times. 

Mercy Center Zooms have also been helpful because I sit in front of a screen with others holding me accountable to remain still and quiet:

http://www.mercy-center.org/ProgramsMC/CenteringPrayerOnline.html

Write down your goals, so that you can revisit them at the end of the book.

Practice each Prayer Tool from https://prayercourse.org/toolshed/ and write about my experience for each.

42. The Book of Job translated by Stephen Mitchell

 

I am not sure why the Bible as a whole is on the 1000 Books to Read Before You Die list, and this is a separate read. I did not find his translation really different from the other translations I have read. Job is a powerful book, and I have read it several times, in several translations. I did like hearing it again with Peter Coyote as a narrator, and it was a quick listen! 

41. The First Spiritual Exercises

 

The First Spiritual Exercises: Four Guided Retreats by Michael Hansen
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I prayed through the four 22 day retreats in this book from May-September. I did the first one, "Inner Peace in Darkness and Light," with a group of 10 people. The way it was led was a bit "clunky" for me. So I decided not to continue to the next one and do the other three on my own. (I was also doing Finding Christ in the World with a group and didn't need two groups over the summer.)

I liked this, but the guidance overall was a bit too restrictive for me ("spend this many minutes on this and that many minutes on that"). Also, what I thought was going to be a great meditation on Creation (which is part of the larger Exercises) turned out to be the author pushing the theory of evolution that was more of a distraction to what could have been a really lovely retreat week. I don't think that needs to be pushed and one can just enjoy the beauty of the Biblical creation story whatever he or she believes.

I think my favorite retreat was the first one: "Inner Peace in Divine Love." Sadly, my group leader didn't start with the first one, and I think she missed out on a better experience for those people who had never experienced the Exercises in their entirety.

Where this book shines is in the Guides and Helps. There are different kinds of Examens (Awareness, Particular, Reconciliation, Healing), and guides to enhancing the Exercises, Twelve Ways of Prayer, and Christian Belief. There is also a section on Spiritual Conversation that was good.

So I will use this as a reference book when I direct others through the Exercises and offer the first retreat to someone who wants a 22-day "taste" of the Spiritual Exercises.

I found my favorite of the four retreats on the website for The First Exercises at: 

https://www.fsecloud.life/i-remember-...

View all my reviews

Walking with God in Nature

 Here is my latest Monthly Contemplative Practice:

https://bodyandsoulcompanion.com/2020/09/22/walking-with-god-in-nature/?fbclid=IwAR3jSD_6LYB3DI4dKjVkOElyqHK5MyrluwD8gyp79-y5J9HLCHvqHWlsigs

ENJOY! 

Sunday Freewrite Sixteen

 Hello Sunday.

No agenda in this writing. I was up and at 'em at 4:50 and spent some wonderful time meditating in John 16 - about asking the Father anything in my name. He says ask and you will receive, that your joy may be made full. 

So, I spent some time trying to discern what I really want. I am getting better at discerning that too.

Today, I must cancel my doctor's appointment that I forgot to cancel on Friday before his office closed. I must also change that link for the Bible Book Club. I just don't get DropBox. They always change things around so that my links never seem to be permanent, and I periodically have to change the link. I have never understood why they do that.

Yesterday, I finished the Virtual Camino de Santiago. It meant 11 miles of walking and a 13 mile bike ride. It was fun though. I am not even tired this morning too.

Two days before that, I finished In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust. This is a huge accomplishment. I am so happy. It is supposed to be THE most preeminent novel of the 20th century. It is really seven novels that made one big tome. I am glad I can say I read it.

Two days ago was also my 51st birthday in the Lord! That was so great. I am doing so well. I am really healed from what happened to me in December, and I have moved on from it and glad for that.

Now to the future. I am so enjoying spiritual direction. I have 15 directees. That is a good number. It is different from discipleship in that I am tracking their spiritual progress. I am just listening to where God is working in their life and creating space for them to explore more ways of getting closer to him. That is so nice. I love that. Out of those 15, I have 3-7 who are doing the Spiritual Exercises. One is putting it on hold until her husband gets her job back. One put herself on hold halfway through the Exercises last year. One did it intensely on a 40 day retreat, but I have not heard how it is going. This is right up my alley. One thing that I know is that I really like to work with workers going to the field, on the field, and who have returned from the field and working with others in that realm. 

George and I have been able to go on many more walks in the last two days because the smoke has cleared, and we are happy for that. I will never take the blue sky for granted ever again, but I also know that I coped really well with having to stay indoors. I had good training when I broke my leg. Bloom where you are planted.

I have lost 16.5 pounds, and I am trying to get to a new level by the end of September. I have ten more days, and I seem to be stuck, but I know my body pretty well that it plateaus for 10-14 days, and then I have a drastic drop. I am sure it is how my body holds water. I also know that I have been creating a LOT more muscle in my body by walking and biking so much, and I have also been disciplined to do PILATES even though I am not teaching it. I always joke that I wouldn't do it if I weren't teaching it. I am being disciplined to do it at home, and my desire is to make PRAISE AND PRAYER PILATES videos this fall.

There is my timer. BYE!

39-40. The Fugitive and Time Regained by Marcel Proust

 

I began this journey of seven volumes on August 2, 2019, and here I am on my 51st spiritual birthday FINIS with the whole thing. 

It was quite a journey, and I feel like I need to go out and celebrate. I saw an interview with Shelby Foote once. He said this was his favorite novel. 

I started this because I was in bed with a broken leg last year. You can read the humor of my first post on the first book in the saga:

This is Proust. It is considered one of the greatest books of the 20th century. So, I am tackling the whole seven volumes while I am recovering from a broken leg. I wrote this in my review of How Proust Can Change Your Life, but it bears repeating that Proust's brother said, "The sad thing is that people have to be very ill or to have broken a leg in order to have the opportunity to read In Search of Lost Time." LOL! 

I listened to an abridged version of Swann's Way 11 years ago. I wasn't super impressed, but I am older now, and I have done a lot of reviewing of my "Blessed History" through the Spiritual Exercises so this is basically Proust's secular recollections of his history. George and I had such a nice conversation yesterday about how certain things trigger our memory. For me, a ride on a boat (which happened the day of my broken leg) flood my memory of times with my family boating and me singing to the sound of the engine as my dad drove around Lake Millerton or Mohave. This book inspired me in many ways to do more recollections and write about them. I had done a recollection many years ago that made my brother cry, but where did I put that thing?

So, there are seven volumes, and I bought the whole massive thing in one Kindle book for 1.99. So, here I go!

Here is a summary of what this is all about from the "jacket" of the Kindle version:

On the surface, a traditional Bildungsroman describing the narrator’s journey of self-discovery, this huge and complex book is also a panoramic and richly comic portrait of France in the author’s lifetime, and a profound meditation on the nature of art, love, time, memory and death. But for most readers it is the characters of the novel who loom the largest: Swann and Odette, Monsieur de Charlus, Morel, the Duchesse de Guermantes, Françoise, Saint-Loup and so many others — Giants, as the author calls them, immersed in Time.
In Search of Lost Time is a novel in seven volumes. The novel began to take shape in 1909. Proust continued to work on it until his final illness in the autumn of 1922 forced him to break off. Proust established the structure early on, but even after volumes were initially finished he kept adding new material, and edited one volume after another for publication. The last three of the seven volumes contain oversights and fragmentary or unpolished passages as they existed in draft form at the death of the author; the publication of these parts was overseen by his brother Robert.

“In Search of Lost Time” is widely recognized as the major novel of the twentieth century. —Harold Bloom
At once the last great classic of French epic prose tradition and the towering precursor of the “nouveau roman”. —Bengt Holmqvist
I am in a state of amazement; as if a miracle were being done before my eyes… Proust so titillates my own desire for expression that I can hardly set out the sentence. Oh if I could write like that! —Virginia Woolf
The greatest fiction to date. —W. Somerset Maugham
Proust is the greatest novelist of the 20th century. —Graham Greene
Our second greatest novel after “War and Peace”. —E. M. Forster 

38. The Education of Henry Adams by Henry Adams

 

A fascinating look at the 19th century through the eyes of the great-grandson of John Adams. I resonated with him because he was a life-long learner!

Monday Morning Freewrite Fifteen

I have not done a freewrite in maybe a month. So I am going to just let my fingers go across the keys and hope I can find all that is in my heart down in this freeflow of writing. (Google Freewrites if you are new to my blog.) 

This morning, Jessica V led our group of 33 people through a Visio Divina. Maybe it isn't that. But she gave us some verses to start with, and then we had five minutes for five emotions. We drew a meditation of what we were feeling in that, and then she played music. The emotions were SAD, MAD, GLAD, SCARED, HOPEFUL. I found it very helpful, and it got some emotions out.

SAD - I drew wildfire in Oregon. Destruction of homes and loss of life.   

MAD - COVID-19 and destruction and murder in Portland by anarchist/Antifa.

GLAD - Dancing to the Bee Gees Documentary, family meals, dates with George, Spiritual Direction, Spiritual Exercises, Prayer times with the world workers, Good Food, Supervision with Sister Joan and Sister Dorothy and the good article in Presence Magazine we discussed, reading good books, losing 15.2 pounds, a community we have and hold dear, Wednesday Imagine with the Brits, Sunday and Thursday Centering Prayer with the Bay Area Benedictines in Burlingame. 

SCARED - Disappointing people. Directee who wants to wear a mask during direction and having to tell her that was a "no." That I would miss the deadline for the Enneagram and Relationships Conference (he extended it for me so I could get the discount). Zoom prayer time I am leading next Saturday. Spiritual Direction time with a new directee. 

HOPEFUL - That "The Sun will come out tomorrow" LITERALLY! We have been in smoke for six days! 

I need to dance with the Bee Gees more since I cannot walk and ride my bike right now. :)  I don't want to deny those scared, mad, and sad feelings; but I do feel very glad and hopeful. I am a make lemonade out of lemons kind of gal. I can exercise indoors. I can adapt and get my 10,000 steps inside. 

I am reading The Education of Henry Adams. He is 65 years old. His life is coming to an end. I have 1 hour and 10 minutes left on this very long 22-hour book. But I have really liked it. It has given a glimpse into one man's perspective on 19th-century life. He lives through the Civil War and all the changes in Europe. He is at the beginning of the 20th Century, and you can already see the precursors to World War I brewing and the Russian threat. Fascinating. I love to learn. Education is a lifetime endeavor.

That is 15 minutes. BYE! 

37. Cultural Amnesia

 I had never heard of this author, but what a fascinating book! The author narrated the book. It is an ABRIDGED version so there are many more people in history that I have yet to read in the UNABRIDGED book. 

He looks at people in history that were important figures, most in the 20th century. He has many things to say about communism and how Nazism came to be in Europe. So insightful and smart! 

Examples of people in this abridged version:

Louis Armstrong

Albert Camus

Tony Curtis

Sartre. 

There are many more, but I loved it. 

36. Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

 

This book is winsome and wonderful. It is best to just enjoy it without trying to "figure it out." It is her 1970s musings about her observations on a creek near her home. She was attentive to the created world, and she won a Pulitzer Prize. I am amazed she wrote it at the age of 27!

It is on my 1000 Books to Read Before You Die list, but what really prompted me to read it was 1) my budding interest in being more attentive to the created world around me (being a Type A "get toward the goal and do not smell the roses" sort of person who has a husband who is a Type Z and constantly smells the roses and the geese and the insects [let's just say that our walks and bike rides take longer since our kids have also been brainwashed to do the same]), 2) Ignatian Spirituality encourages one to look for God in your everyday life, 3) I read Blue Sapphire of the Mind, and he is constantly quoting this book, and 4) My friend, Garrett, said it was his favorite book, and since I had just finished Blue Sapphire the day he told me this, I felt like this was confirmation that I should read it.

I was in no way disappointed. Just enjoy it and be challenged to look at the world around you. 

On the verge of reading this book, I read the quote, "Wisdom is born of wonder," and I think it goes perfectly with this book. Wonder at the world (at soon as the air quality improves - It is in the unhealthy range due to raging wildfires in Oregon). 

Enjoy! 

35. The Captive by Proust

 

The Captive by Marcel Proust
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The quickest I have ever read any of the books in his series! This was more about the relationship between Albertine and Marcel than French aristocracy droning on and on. So I liked it more.

View all my reviews

34. Blue Sapphire of the Mind

 

This was recommended to me by my dear Sister Joan. They were having a workshop on it that I ended up not going to. I like that this book gave a thorough history of contemplative spirituality and wove ecology into it. I found it fascinating, and it inspired me to read Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. The natural world is something we need to pay more attention to in good stewardship of the earth that God gave us. It is a valuable contribution to the dialogue. 

I had cut and pasted this in a forgotten draft post about this book and just found it:

 The fourth-century writer Evagrius of Pontus likens the experience of contemplation to dwelling in a kind of place. "When the mind has put off the old self and shall put on the one born of grace," says Evagrius, "then it will see its own state in the time of prayer resembling sapphire of the color of heaven. the state is called by scripture, the place of God." This book believes that the ancient tradition of Christian contemplative thought and practice represented by Evagrius has a genuine contribution to make to the world of ecological thought and practice. At the same time, he says, the sense of the "the whole" emerging from contemporary ecological discourse has the potential to deepen and expand the classic understanding of contemplative life and practice. One of the striking features of the present historical moment is a deep and pervasive hunger for a less fragmented way of apprehending the world. Attending to these two traditions of thought and practice together, this book argues, recover such an integrated vision of the world. Additionally, there is a growing recognition in the culture at large, and in faith communities in particular, of the need for a response to the ecological crisis that expresses our deepest moral and spiritual values. Drawing on the insights of the early Christian monastics as well as the ecological writings of such figures as Henry David Thoreau, Aldo Leopold, Annie Dillard, and many others, this book forges a distinctively contemplative vision of ecological spirituality that could, the book contends, serve to ground the work of ecological restoration. (from https://oxford.universitypressscholarship.com/view/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780199812325.001.0001/acprof-9780199812325) 

33. Finding God in Each Moment: The Practice of Discernment in Everyday Life by Carol Ann Smith and Eugene F. Merz, SJ

 

Finding God in Each Moment: The Practice of Discernment in Everyday Life by Carol Ann Smith
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is a follow up to Moment by Moment which I enjoyed much more. I was going to use this in my summer prayer, but I ended up going through Finding Christ in the World (see below). I do like many of the questions in this book that I will use in my spiritual direction ministry. I have also used some of the questions in the book for conversation starters in a group setting with a wonderful effect! Also, there were times where it was instrumental in coinciding and confirming what God was teaching me in Finding Christ in the World.

View all my reviews

FINDING CHRIST IN THE WORLD - WEEK TWELVE: LIVING CHRIST IN THE WORLD

 

Touchstones:

• When we say our yes to God with our whole hearts, we right away "glorify the Lord." (Amen!) 
• The infinitely wise and powerful Holy Spirit is holding the Church as Christ's Mystical Body.
• In our mature moments, we can say seriously with St. Paul, "For me, to live is Christ."
• We can tell that we are praying well by how we are acting the rest of the day. 
• This dismissal from a service sums up our life in Christ: "Go in peace, glorifying God by your life."
• In our vocations, we are given the duty, along with the requisite virtues, to pass on our faith in Jesus Christ. 
• We have the strength and assurance to cling to Jesus Christ through all of our lives. 
• Living the Theological Virtues (faith, hope, and love), the Gifts of the Holy Spirit (wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord), and the fruits of life in Christ is living a fulfilled life with an assured - and eternal - future.

GRACE I ASK FOR: for gratitude that I have all the gifts I need for a holy and joy-filled life in Christ now, and in heaven. 

INTRODUCTION

"I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" (Gal 2:20). "It is only in the mystery of the Word made flesh that the mystery of humankind becomes truly clear" (Gaudium et Spes, 22)...Membership is entirely natural to us. We somehow belong with each other...We are just as firmly Texans, or Vermonters or Idahoans. Those identities dye our souls...We readily, easily belong...We disciples know that our need to belong has a much higher source. It's due to our being created in the image of God who exists as a Trinity, that Persons always relating. 

We are members and we thank God that it's our gift to belong to the Church...During these weeks of prayer, we have also looked at the Church from God's viewpoint. Seen from eternity, we see the Church "as the purpose of God's plan: 'to unite all things in Him" who is our Savior (Eph. 1:10). We are united not only around Him, but also in His Body...In becoming human, Jesus united himself to every other human...He did not wipe out humanity, he united it with divinity. 

PRAYER TALK - IN THE AFTERMATH

How "well" do you pray? Three points about answering that question. First: do you keep on praying? You're doing well. Second: do you let God lead you where you do not expect to go? You're doing quite well. Finally, Do you find yourself acting more and more holy? You're doing very well. That's the lesson that what happens during the rest of the day is more consequential than what happens in prayer. (This has been the BIGGEST blessing of the Exercises for me. It has been the desire of my heart for so many years to do this, and the Exercises are so conducive to that.) 

What are you looking for in your Examen? One good way to summarize it is that you are reaching for the behavior that leaves you content as a mature disciple of Christ. You want to behave the way a serious follower of Christ behaves...It's hard to really discomfort a mature disciple, in Jesus' mind. Abuse them and they bless you...Give them lots of trouble and they rejoice and are glad (Matt. 5:4-12)...Here's a daily Examen for mature Christians. Set yourself to enact those spiritual gifts...But you probably noted earlier on that letting the nation's mood overshadow your own is immature. It's not a new problem. St. Paul had to tell the Ephesians to struggle to be "fully mature with the fullness of Christ himself" (4:13)...Tell each other the truth...be "generous, sympathetic, forgiving"...Love is enacted...God loves us "even if our own feelings condemn us, because God is greater than our feelings and knows all things" (1 John 3, 18, 20). 

BRIEF NOTE: SENDING YOU

We are all destined - since before we were created - and invited - now that we are mature in freedom - to bring grace into our lifeworld...We are correct to think that one of the very finest parts of God's material creation of the enormous universes is a little creature on a little planet who can see and hear and appreciate what God has done and is doing. That's us. Doing that - just seeing and loving and appreciating God's handiwork - we are giving glory to God.

Matthew 28:16-20 - The Great Commission 

"When they saw him, they worshipped him." That just hit me more than any other part of the passage. Their worship propelled them into making disciples. That has to be the beginning of everything. Do we really SEE him?

Where the church is, there also is God's Spirit; where God's Spirit is, there is the Church and every grace. --St. Irenaeus 

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

Throughout this retreat, I have sensed Jesus Christ being with me, especially when ... I am afraid...Strongest sense at the Ignatian Training Retreat! "Do not fear. You have found favor." 

I look back to the beginning and am now able to note that I have matured in Christ's grace in these ways...I am less afraid and more confident.

I thank God for...Always being WITH me!

Jesus is talking to me when he says, "Go, make disciples." In my life world, that means...Draw people close to me...learners at my feet (Jesus' feet not mine).

Those I "teach" include... I made a list of all my directees and people I meet with. I also saw a gate at the top of a hill looking out over the city. OPEN THE GATE, LORD.

REPETITION

All authority of Jesus to all nations. Don not fear...I am with you always. You have found favor with God. COMMUNITY OF THE TRINITY. 

How often I failed in my duty to God, because I was not leaning on the strong pillar of prayer. - St. Teresa of Avila. 

Acts 2:1-4 Pentecost 

BRIEF NOTES: THE BIRTH OF GOD'S PEOPLE

The Spirit descended on Jesus at his baptism so that "his whole life and his whole mission were carried out in total communion with the Holy Spirit" (Catechism, 1286)...We all received the gift of the Holy Spirit...We remain in the communion of the faithful. We pray with the community and receive the Bread and the Cup...Now, we are called to do the next thing they did: pass it on. We are called to share what we have, to pass on to others the graces that have been given us. We do that by contributing to church and charitable works - time, talent, treasure. We do that by helping those in our lifeworld who need help. We do that by getting involved, to the extent of our gifts and talents, in civil affairs. These are ways we pass on to others what is given to us...And now, as you complete this graced time, you might think about passing on these weeks of prayer. 

During the week: Let your memory drift back over your time in this retreat to see how the Spirit of God has guided you. 

Notice in the Scripture: Jesus' disciples, holding on to one another came together to pray. The Spirit came on them visibly and powerfully. They began speaking about Jesus and were talking languages they had not known.

Lectio of Acts 2: All together in one place (Lord, how I miss being "all together in one place" physically)...violent wind...filled the entire house...tongue rested on each of them...ALL were filled with the Holy Spirit...speak in other languages as the Spirit gave them ability. 

Lord, who is our "Upper Room" group? 

My thought for the Day: ALL together in one place. Holy Spirit fill us will be what I want to say throughout the day. 

"The Church is a ship, and even if the ship is in difficulty, it is necessary that we at least be in it." - St. Augustine

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

I know that I accept being marked as Christ's because I ... want Jesus more than anything.

There have been occasions during these weeks when I felt the Holy Spirit being with me, as when...I do Centering Prayer with the Mercy Center and my retreat at Mount Angel Abbey.

Looking into the days ahead, I see certain times when I will really need the Holy Spirit, like...when I do spiritual direction. 

If there is one thing I really need the Holy Spirit for right now, it is...communicating with my friend on a difficult subject. Yikes! 

Repetition of Acts 2:1-4

KEEP IN MIND

About prayer: Remember that finding prayer easy, being in consolation is a gift. Thank God for it.

Lectio: Sound like a violent wind. 

My thought for the Day: All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit. 

"Trust the past to God's mercy, the present to God's love, the future to God's providence." St. Augustine

During this week: As you reflect on your spiritual growth, note the signs of maturing in your relationships and how your spiritual insight is helping you appreciate them. 

PRAYER FOR TODAY: Galatians 5:22-26

BRIEF NOTE: SOCIAL ENGINEERING 

Ignatius was a fiercely organized man..he suggested thinking about the Commandments, taking each one, examining whether you are obeying it well, resolving to do so...Capital Sins: pride, covetousness, lust, envy, anger, gluttony, and sloth...the devil would be glad to have you imagine that you could never, ever be proud, or slothful, or anything between...examines the virtues and powers that the Lord give us...Theological Virtues (so-called because they are the ones that connect you to God): faith, hope, and charity...Cardinal Virtues - the ones on which the rest hinge: prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance...and then there's our need these days for temperance in our political opinions and judgment about other nations and classes. Take each Cardinal Virtue to the Examen for a week and swee whether you're applying it...Virtues are like muscles, as you've noticed before: the more you use them, the stronger they are...You are the recipient of the Gifts of the Holy Spirit. They are yours, in your capacities and abilities. Take them one by one, a day at a time, and ask yourself where you apply them: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord...Perhaps even more than failures, virtues are worth praying about in the Examen. 

KEEP IN MIND

About your prayer: Remember to begin in the Holy Presence (when I do this, I am just filled with a sense of peace and awe), ask for what you want, think and ponder, and then tell God what you come up with, ending with the Our Father.

During this week: You are preparing for "life after Exercises," and exercise the virtue of fortitude (courage)! 

Notice in scripture: St. Paul is teaching what was revealed to him, that the mature disciple has reached "the freedom of the children of God" - the freedom of life in Christ. 

Galatians 5:22-26

Love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (even temper, forbearance), kindness, generosity (goodness, benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence)

My Thought for the Day: Fruit is the work which His presence within accomplishes! (AMP) So I need to be more aware of His presence within!

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

One virtue I really need right now is...temperance in my political opinion.

I have found certain spiritual acts invite me to be calm and quiet, and I mean to hold on to these...Centering prayer and Imaginative Contemplation this summer have been so awesome. 

During these weeks, I have found in Jesus some characteristics that I will be happy to have and continue growing in, like ... not worrying about what people thought of him, not sharing his political opinions, rendering to Caesar what is Caesar's. 

Repetition

This is the THIRD time "Generosity" has caught my eye. In most of my translations, the word is goodness. The word is not the meekness implied by the English word for "goodness." It is "character energized, expressing itself in agathon, benevolence, active good. It does not spare sharpness and rebuke to cause good in others. A person may display his agathosune, has zeal for truth. Christ's righteous indignation in the temple (Mt. 21:13). His goodness (agathosune) but not his gentleness. 

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Generosity is "active good" not sparking sharpness and rebuke. 

Luke 1:46-55 (New American Bible)

For this final contemplation, I did it with the wonderful help of Imagine and the Jesuits in Britain. I went for a walk during the journeying to meet Elizabeth part and imagined myself walking with Mary to go and meet Elizabeth. The art is powerful at the end. Here is the link: 

https://youtu.be/DUOsr4mM_y8 

I did this same meditation while on my Ignatian Training Retreat, and it was powerful as I contemplated the meeting of Mary and Elizabeth and looked outside the window to see a statue of the same scene!

BRIEF NOTE: MAGNIFY - We also magnify the Lord 

During this final day: Join May in glorifying, praising, and thanking God for the "great things" he has done for you. 

Notice in Scripture: Why not memorize the Magnificat? 

His mercy is from age to age...He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart...lifted up the lowly...The hungry he has filled with good things (on a day I was fasting)

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The hungry he has filled with good things. 

"In all created things discern the providence and wisdom of God, and in all things give Him thanks." --St. Teresa of 

I REVIEW MY WEEK OF PRAYER

I came to see some things I had not noticed before: the whole definition of fruit as being "the work which His presence within accomplishes" (AMP). 

I felt God's presence this week in this experience of my daily life: Walking with Mary (and also praying for a Mary in my life who has not acted as Mary would have acted). 

32. Finding Christ in the World by Joseph Tetlow, S.J. and Carol Atwell Ackels

 This was a pretty thorough 18th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises that I did along with 1100 people from 44 different countries this summer. I had the privilege of facilitating a group of people through half of it (it took that long for them to organize all the groups). The 18th is a shorter version of the 19th (Full) Exercises. I liked it. It is a workbook and is somewhat spendy, but it is all in one where you write in the book. I have been journaling my insights on this blog for the last few weeks because it has been helpful to summarize. 

Saturday Sixteen Freewrite

 The summer is winding down. It has been a good summer. Some highlights:

1) I have lost 14 lbs

2) I have walked, biked, hiked, canoed, and kayaked. Since July 27th, I have covered 275 miles on the Virtual Camino de Santiago. 

3) I completed this website, and I love the result: https://bodyandsoulcompanion.com/. It was so hard to "put myself out there," but I did it in obedience.

4) I stood up for myself when I felt uncomfortable with the format of the retreat I was at in August. That was HUGE. 

5) I, really and truly, believe that God has healed me from my December encounter with someone who I have suspected has not liked me for many years and was confirmed. It was such a turning point to do the "Walking with God" Exercise in Central Oregon and truly experience the touch of God. I have not been the same since. Turning point.

6) Finding Christ in the World was a very good thing for the three months of the summer. I am also grateful that I finally got a group together, even though it was only for three of the six times. 

7) I have such JOY. I am so GRATEFUL. I have such HOPE. 

This week was pretty amazing in that I went for a bike ride with no particular destination in mind, but as I headed on over to the covered bridge, I prayed that one of my college friends would come out of his house because he has been on my heart for the last 20 months because of the life difficulties he has been facing. JUST as I was riding by, he came out, and two hours later, I had a fuller picture of what he has been going through. My heart broke, and I fasted and prayed for his situation all day yesterday. I will continue to listen for what "active good" (One of the fruits of the Spirit that goes beyond the "goodness" most translations give but the Scripture I read THREE days in a row [from two different sources] had the translation "generosity," and it led me to discover that this Greek word means "beyond goodness" and it can have a rebuking aspect to it.) So I am waiting for further direction from the Lord. In the whole scheme of things, it is in my "Circle of Concern" but not in my "Circle of Influence." Actually, he is probably more in my Influence circle, and the other party is in the Concern circle. So far, I feel actively good toward him, but I am not sure the other person is even open to anything. I got that impression when I met with them soon after I heard of the crisis. The whole thing is very sad. 

All that said, I had some epiphanies since that conversation two days ago. I am SO GLAD I moved on from that group of people from college days! I was never really a part of their "inner circle," but I did not fit in it. I am so glad God led me to the Navigators. I will be forever grateful for the people I met and the love and community I have had with those people. I am also so thankful for the on-fire believers we are a part of now. It was right to move on and not wait for depth to occur. We are seeing the long-term fruit of their dependence on each other. I was sad when I was rebuffed in March of 2019, but I remember walking away unscathed. I move on with JOY! 

I don't even know if this makes sense, but I wanted to freewrite it.  

31. A Coffin for Dimitrios

 

As I was walking, I thought, "I am just not into this book!" Then I listened to his description of a 50-year-old woman in a bar. Exquisite! From then on I was hooked. It is a page-turner, leading the reader into the seedy underworld of sex trafficking and drugs of Europe in the 1930s. While detective novels are not usually my thing, I was pleasantly surprised!

30. Open Mind, Open Heart by Thomas Keating

Open Mind, Open Heart: The Contemplative Dimension of the Gospel by Thomas Keating
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have had the Centering Prayer app for a couple of years, and it has some direction, but the whole concept of centering prayer is so beautifully presented in this book. I was prompted to read it because of finding a Zoom group in San Francisco who practices this together (about 30-40 people) every Thursday at 12:30 pm and Sunday at 8:30 am. Every other Thursday, we have been discussing his book one chapter at a time, and reading and discussing it has helped me grow in this practice. I had glanced at Basil Pennington's book on the subject and read The Cloud of Unknowing last year with my Renovare Book Club (come join us if you are local), but this book just made the practice so simple!

Here is the link to the Apple App: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/centeri...
Here is the link to the Android App: https://play.google.com/store/apps/de...
Here is the link to the Center Prayer Group I have been a part of for the last couple of months (although the link to sign up to get email notifications is not working right now):
http://mercy-center.org/ProgramsMC/Ce...

View all my reviews

FINDING CHRIST IN THE WORLD - WEEK ELEVEN: MATURE DISCIPLESHIP

 Touchstones:

• The Reign of Christ has begun, and we are its current members and administrators.
• What distinguishes us as members is that we live notably loving lives.
• Mature prayer requires and deepens mature knowledge and understanding.
• We have the power to forgive others, growing more true to ourselves each time.
• The Church is made up of sinful people like ourselves, whom we are invited to forgive and to love.
• Our belief about the Mass remains firm: we re-present Jesus' death and resurrection. 

GRACE I ASK FOR: for gratitude that I have all the gifts I need for a holy and joy-filled life in Christ now, and in heaven. 

INTRODUCTION

Anyone in charge of anything sees himself or herself as serving the others...Jesus presumed that mature people do not feel jealous about others' intimacy, or resent quiet sharing...When we Christians act out of genuine love for one another, the Reign of God is actually coming to be. This Reign is not a human monarchy or a holy democracy. It is a communion. And all of us make up the current administration. (WOW, isn't that the wonder of it all?)

PRAYER TALK - SPIRITUAL READING

As we mature in prayer, we need also to mature in what we know. ...What should you read? The first principle is simple: read what nourishes your prayer. The second principle is the mirror image of that: nourish your prayer by reading even about politics, the economy, and social issues...The final principle, you already know: begin with the Bible - and you don't have to finish anything. 

BRIEF NOTE: RECONCILIATION

Hearing nuns' confessions was like being stoned to death with popcorn...We no longer march crowds of holy innocents through the confessional...And if we need a deeper shaping of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we are at least taking it more seriously...But we also need renewal, because we still need reconciliation...Sacrament of Reconciliation. Acknowledging our sins and sinfulness takes us to confession. Accepting penance and absolution is being "reconciled to God." (Another area where I part ways with the Catholic church, but I do agree with the next point.)...The Sacrament of Reconciliation has little to do with norms and rules. Rather, it has to do with relationship. It has to do with the font and wellspring of the Good News: love of God, of neighbor, and of self. 

Luke 7:36-40; 44-48 Sinful Woman Bathes Jesus' Feet

Keep in Mind: says to apply it to myself (different from the condemnation from this recent training that evangelicals are always "applying" which was portrayed as something negative - hogwash). 

Jesus points out that deep repentance, great love, and forgiveness go together in faith...My response to this contemplation; Thankyou for forgiving me much. I love you so much. Psalm 40:1-3.

Reflecting on how unloved I felt during this training in the prior week. It was about interrogation rather than loving questions that drew me out. 

Matthew 18:15-22 If a Member of the Church Sins Against You

BRIEF NOTES: THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

We forgive not once or twice but many, many times...forgiving, again and again, makes us forgiving persons, like the god of mercy who does not hold our offenses against us...We also have the power to help those who need forgiveness...Jesus urged "going and having it out with him between yourselves" (Matt. 18:15)... Jesus used His power to forgive with compassionate understanding. He forgave the woman taken in adultery and very mildly "correct" her - "go, and sin no more" (John 8:1)...Would a God who cares infinitely about each brother and sister of Jesus look down on some cherished soul who needs help and not grace someone else with the gift to offer the help?

During the week: Ask yourself where you are in your spiritual growth, noting the signs of maturity that God has gifted you with.

My thought for the Day: Point out the fault when alone. I think that was the issue when I read the book White Fragility. She would confront these people in her workshops and shame and humiliate them, and then called it fragility. I just saw her as more a very heady person who has trouble with empathy. She even humiliated someone who she was a coworker in this fight against racism. In that case, I would confront the coworker privately rather than humiliate them in front of the people they were presenting to. I did a private talk with the leader of this Ignatian retreat. That was the best course of action. While he listened, he has a blind spot in the way he comes across to people, and I might be the first person who pointed that out. I hope that someday he reflects more deeply on it. In the midst of it, there was forgiveness. I have not resentment just reflection on the time there. 

"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies." - Nelson Mandela.

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

Holding on to resentment binds me. I want to be unbound from...I have no resentment towards anyone. I went to this man privately. He apologized. No resentment. 

For me, forgiving others means I will live out my life by ...Not being resentful toward those who have wronged me or hurt me. 

The community of the Church, helps me forgive by ...Giving clear teaching about forgiveness. 

Forgiving is ongoing. In the past, I have forgiven some people and now pray and hope for them...to grow in greater self-awareness about themselves. 

When I think honestly about it, I might need to ask forgiveness from...Noone at this point in time. 

Repetition Day of Matthew 18

"You were meant to house the fullness of God." 

During this week: As you reflect on your spiritual growth, note the signs of maturing in your relationships and how your spiritual insight is helping you appreciate them. 

Notice in scripture: Jesus instructs us to act according to humane psychology. He gives us an astonishing power to bind on earth and in heaven (what exactly does that mean?). And tells how that, in His likeness, we will forgive many, many times. 

My Thought for the Day: I have fully forgiven B and M. 70x7 is a lot of times. 

Proverbs 6:1-5 Fly like a bird from the Trapper. 

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. - Mother Theresa

1 Cor 11:23-32 Communion

BRIEF NOTE: THE SACRIFICE OF THE MASS

Our cultural lust for pleasure contravenes sacrifice...And in New Testament times, we have thought - quite erroneously - of Jesus' death as an offering that humanity makes to appease the Father's wrath at our sins. (I am not sure if that is the thought in New Testament times. It is not humanity making it. It is all God's plan and idea. I don't know if people think that HUMANITY is making that offering.) 

The main Christian meaning of Christ's sacrifice turns that around. It is Christ's giving of himself for love of us. To the Christians in Philippi, St. Paul explained that the Son "poured himself out" and took on our nature. And in our nature, he accepted being dealt with like the most vulnerable of all humans: a worthless slave. God made himself vulnerable for us - and to us...The reconciliation, therefore, is God's initiative, not ours. (I think that is pretty clear for most people that it is God's initiative.) "It is not we who loved God, but God loved us and sent his Son to expiate our sins" (1 John 4:10) The precise sacrifice we are celebrating is the Father's and the Spirit's giving up the Son, sending him down among us to make us know God's love for us. (Well yes, why do you think that people erroneously think otherwise?) 

Scripture: we proclaim the Lord's death until he comes. Examine yourself. 

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Examine yourself (Thus why I love doing the Examen every day, but it made me wonder why he did not answer my question about the Examen. Oh well. Got so many blank and non-compassionate stares during the week. Such a weird experience all the way around. So glad I was at one of my happiest places on earth.) 

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

The Eucharist is gift of the Son of God. I show my gratitude by..Examining myself..being prepared. 

Repetition

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: I have gifts for a joy-filled life in Christ now and in heaven. I will call you affectionately to remembrance. 

Matthew 17:1-9 Transfiguration

There are times in life when you feel radiant...You may not enter as totally into the Presence as Jesus did, because he had a sinless self-concentration and you have not. But you may well have had the consolation of being totally absorbed in God for a while, forgetful of self. You may have glowed, even if no one else was watching (YES!)

When you leave your prayer, you are likely to find the world in the same chaotic state as it was before you started praying. (You can say that again!) 

Jesus told his disciples they would "shine like the sun in the kingdom of the Father (Matt. 13:43). St. John Chrysostom brought that to the disciples of his day. He asked why those alive in Christ could not see that they shine like the sun even while they walk through everyday life. (Dr. Myers said yesterday, "You are always so happy.") 

KEEP IN MIND

About your prayer: Again practice going into the Presence, as Jesus did it (That is why I am doing Centering Prayer with a group twice a week and by myself on the other days.)

During this week: you might ponder which habits you have reviewed that make you feel radiant, and which tend to make you feel a little shady. Deepen the former and deep-six the latter! (I love that!)

Jesus' face shone like the sun. "Get up and do not be afraid." When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus himself alone. (That is the cry of a Type Two - to live for an audience of ONE.) 

MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Arise and do not be afraid - Closeted confident Carol needs to come out!

WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? APPLYING YOUR PRAYER

When I hear the Father say, "This is my son" I feel ... beloved myself. Wanting to hear JESUS alone above the cacophony of voices. 

For me, listening to Jesus means...pausing and hearing what he wants me to hear (not what others want me to hear).

When I hear Jesus say, "do not be afraid" I feel he is talking with me about what tests my faith, such as...the men "in charge." The people who know more than me. Even the women some times. (I am constantly learning.) 

I experienced astonishment and humility as the Lord revealed to me...that I am his beloved and am wanted and loved. That Closeted Confident Carol needs to come out and not be afraid any longer. 

There really are times when I feel all alight and alive, like ... when George and I together with M and B was our most life-giving time of the day. I love that it is the same for both of us. When I am praying in your presence. 

After these weeks of prayer, the light I am bringing to my world includes..listening to Millenials. Hearing their hearts.

Repetition

During this week: At week's end, you might list the habits you'd like to keep and those you'd rather shift. 

Notice in the scripture: What was it like for the silent James or John? What did Jesus look like when He was shining brightly. (Just as I read this a ray of sun hit my desk, and I turned around to it on a dishwashing detergent bottle top shining so brightly - it was a God moment.) 

Clothes became dazzling white. LISTEN TO HIM! DO NOT BE AFRAID. 

My Thought for the Day: I will look at your bright and shining face and listen to you today and not be afraid. 

Sunday Morning Examen Prayer

Deep Breath.

God, make me aware of your presence at this time. You are always here.

Two or three things I am grateful for:

• Brian and Stacy and kids coming over to visit. It was a lovely dinner.
• A soul-stretching perspective hiking to the top of Chip Ross with the ones I love the most and looking out over our beautiful, green city.
• Weight loss! A week of NO plateauing and a slow and steady downward trend every day. I am totally on track now!

Awakening - The beginning of the day was a meditation in the Transfiguration and centering prayer. Then I read a little bit more in Open Mind, Open Heart and A Coffin for Dimitrios. 

Rest of the morning - Went with George to shopping. While he shopped, I prayer walked around the grocery store. Then we went on another spiritual direction walk on the Hospital Hill Loop together. I asked him the GPS questions (God's Positioning System). I have missed those focused times that are all about him. It was life-giving to find out how he is doing in that way. 

Middle of the Day - More reading and getting ready for Brian and Stacy by chopping tomatoes and grating cheese. It was a simple taco meal prep time. He asked me some of the GPS questions.

Afternoon - Started refries. While beans were soaking, we did a 30-minute hike up to Chip Ross on a beautiful, sunny day. Got an unexpected email from a possible directee. 

Evening - Brian and Stacy came for dinner. Good fellowship and food. We walked to Wildcat and ran into Renee's parents. 

End of the Day - Watched a little bit of Friday Night Lights. 

Regret - Saying more than I should have said to someone. 

The most meaningful part of the day - The hike and perspective from up on the hill. I also just love being with my family. All four of us together is life-giving. (From Him: Family is always your number one priority.) 

Body and Soul Companion Website

I know there are people who read this blog because people come up to me and say that they do. 

I would be remiss if I did not say that my spiritual direction website has been up and running for over a month now, but I don't think I have ever linked it here! 

https://bodyandsoulcompanion.com/

I created this website so that people would know what I do. :) I am not big on self-promotion. So this has been a step of obedience for me. I will write more about that in my freewrite sometime this weekend. 

In the meantime, I think I will go out and take a walk. It is a perfect day. 

29. Sodom and Gomorrah by Marcel Proust

 

This was a slog! My goodness! I have tried to read this since its purchase in February, but other books replaced it. So, this week, I forced myself to finish with few distractions. It was easier to get through this way. It is a bunch of people that are really hung up on the "right" people and status in society, sprinkled with looking for love in all the wrong places, and the author's discovery of the world of homosexuality. I am more than halfway through the whole thing. Whew! Slow and steady wins the race. 

Wednesday Freewrite

I have not done a freewrite since July 28th! That is the longest I have gone without a freewrite for a very long time.

I think a lot has happened since then. I don't have an agenda for this freewrite. I just needed to get my juices flowing. I have a busy afternoon into the evening, but my morning is free, free, free.

Yesterday, I was all set up in the backyard for a social distanced spiritual direction session. I had moved my comfy chair out there, and I had set up my notepads. I was looking forward to a longer than normal session with a woman who was going to tell me here "Sacred Story" (part of what I like to do toward the beginning of my sessions is hear their story from birth to the current year - for some people this goes beyond the 1 hour time). 

Sadly, she got her days mixed up and did not show. I had pretty much set my day up around that session (as I take time to process and pray afterward). So, I was a little lost as to what would be best to do. I had already decided that riding my bike to campus to do a cardio weight training class in a stuffy room with no air conditioning/fan and a face mask was too much for me on a hot summer afternoon. So, I didn't do my usual Tuesday afternoon routine. 

Although I was at a loss, I found such joy in no agenda yesterday, and that is what God has opened up for me for the fall. I will not be teaching Pilates. Last fall, I could not do it because of a broken leg (got off my crutches the day classes started, and I could not climb the three flights of stairs to my room). Last "no agenda" fall also ended up being so wonderful. And this one will be no different. I am going to participate in the 10/10 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting with many from around the world. Praying for world change. But it is a different agenda. It is not about intercession but about laying down our lives and adoration of the king. It runs from August 24 to October 3. This will be great for many reasons. I will only do spiritual direction with people. I am also going to pray for three women to go through the journey of the Spiritual Exercises. I would really like to have a group of women my age to share with too. 

Last week was a bit off the beaten track for me. I told God that if noone signed up for direction during last week, I would go on this Ignatian Training Retreat. No one did. I really got no clear direction that I really needed to go as I already feel really great about how God has led me to lead others through the retreat, and the training confirmed that there are many ways to lead people, and this director's way of leading is NOT the way I would ever lead people through. I have no hard feelings, but I felt like I was in a battle almost every time he would lead and teach (lots of his political opinion and a brought brush of condemnation toward evangelicals). He has more of a combative spiritual direction style too, which is something I have never encountered with other spiritual directors (except the half-hour I spent in October 2017 with someone in Santa Barbara). I wrote my director and mentor through the Exercises because he asked me how it went, and he said, "Moving forward even when facing frustration." "Praise God" (when I told him how much I DID love being at Mt. Angel, praying three hours a day, and processing it all with Sister Joan after it was all over), and "God is the director" (when I told him about how much I appreciated his kind and gentle approach to the Exercises). God is good. 

What is so wonderful is that I can walk away knowing that some people will benefit from his style. I am just not one of them, and that is OK. God has gifted me in ways that are very different from him. It was good to see 1) a different style in group leadership with the SEEL and the First Spiritual Exercises with Jeannette. They have a kinder and gentler way of leadership, and 2) a different style of direction than Mike from the SEEL, and 3) the gentle and loving and wonderful way of the Creighton University Online Retreat material compared to the material (Tetlow) used by this particular leader. There are parts of it that I do like and have quoted in my own manual. I grew a lot from the experience. I found my voice. He listened to me when I talked to him about it, and that is a good thing. 

That is my 15 minutes, and I remembered I needed to contact Van with the things she was interested in seeing.