I think a lot has happened since then. I don't have an agenda for this freewrite. I just needed to get my juices flowing. I have a busy afternoon into the evening, but my morning is free, free, free.
Yesterday, I was all set up in the backyard for a social distanced spiritual direction session. I had moved my comfy chair out there, and I had set up my notepads. I was looking forward to a longer than normal session with a woman who was going to tell me here "Sacred Story" (part of what I like to do toward the beginning of my sessions is hear their story from birth to the current year - for some people this goes beyond the 1 hour time).
Sadly, she got her days mixed up and did not show. I had pretty much set my day up around that session (as I take time to process and pray afterward). So, I was a little lost as to what would be best to do. I had already decided that riding my bike to campus to do a cardio weight training class in a stuffy room with no air conditioning/fan and a face mask was too much for me on a hot summer afternoon. So, I didn't do my usual Tuesday afternoon routine.
Although I was at a loss, I found such joy in no agenda yesterday, and that is what God has opened up for me for the fall. I will not be teaching Pilates. Last fall, I could not do it because of a broken leg (got off my crutches the day classes started, and I could not climb the three flights of stairs to my room). Last "no agenda" fall also ended up being so wonderful. And this one will be no different. I am going to participate in the 10/10 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting with many from around the world. Praying for world change. But it is a different agenda. It is not about intercession but about laying down our lives and adoration of the king. It runs from August 24 to October 3. This will be great for many reasons. I will only do spiritual direction with people. I am also going to pray for three women to go through the journey of the Spiritual Exercises. I would really like to have a group of women my age to share with too.
Last week was a bit off the beaten track for me. I told God that if noone signed up for direction during last week, I would go on this Ignatian Training Retreat. No one did. I really got no clear direction that I really needed to go as I already feel really great about how God has led me to lead others through the retreat, and the training confirmed that there are many ways to lead people, and this director's way of leading is NOT the way I would ever lead people through. I have no hard feelings, but I felt like I was in a battle almost every time he would lead and teach (lots of his political opinion and a brought brush of condemnation toward evangelicals). He has more of a combative spiritual direction style too, which is something I have never encountered with other spiritual directors (except the half-hour I spent in October 2017 with someone in Santa Barbara). I wrote my director and mentor through the Exercises because he asked me how it went, and he said, "Moving forward even when facing frustration." "Praise God" (when I told him how much I DID love being at Mt. Angel, praying three hours a day, and processing it all with Sister Joan after it was all over), and "God is the director" (when I told him about how much I appreciated his kind and gentle approach to the Exercises). God is good.
What is so wonderful is that I can walk away knowing that some people will benefit from his style. I am just not one of them, and that is OK. God has gifted me in ways that are very different from him. It was good to see 1) a different style in group leadership with the SEEL and the First Spiritual Exercises with Jeannette. They have a kinder and gentler way of leadership, and 2) a different style of direction than Mike from the SEEL, and 3) the gentle and loving and wonderful way of the Creighton University Online Retreat material compared to the material (Tetlow) used by this particular leader. There are parts of it that I do like and have quoted in my own manual. I grew a lot from the experience. I found my voice. He listened to me when I talked to him about it, and that is a good thing.
That is my 15 minutes, and I remembered I needed to contact Van with the things she was interested in seeing.
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