Saturday Sixteen Freewrite

I don't want to spend my whole morning sitting. So I will spend this sweet sixteen minutes of freewriting and then go on a walk in the glorious sunshine. 

I feel like asking a group of friends to hike up to Chip Ross Park tomorrow. All of us can go on separate trails. We can meet at the top 6 feet apart and sing at sunrise. It would be glorious to have an impromptu Easter Sunrise Service. 

I did something risky earlier in the week. I sent a message to a member of a family. The head of the family does not particularly like me, but I have never had an issue with this person in the family. I heard no reply, and now I am sad. I had made such headway in my healing from the brutal attacks on my character on December 23, 2019, but this has set me back a bit. I have to say it has not affected my other relationships. I have grown in this desire to have "everyone like me." George says if it were just anyone, it would not affect me as much, and that is where I have grown because I truly wanted EVERYONE to like me when we were first married. Now, this is the next level of people in my life, and it hurts because the whole thing is so wrong. So unjust. So judgmental. Such an attack on who I am, not what I DID. A person who does not like the essence of who I am as a person is so hard on me. So, I took that risk, and maybe I should not have. Just as I question if I should have taken the risk on December 23. I would have preferred to be in ignorance than get the tongue lashing that I got that day. I had just gone through the years having no idea that the judgment bullets had been flying at me all those years. No attempt to clarify. Every intention and word judged and condemned. I walked into every shooting session with God's presence so real to me that I had just felt nothing but peace for years. I just was careful what I said so that I would not be slammed with snarky comments. It is scary when this is called "the high road" by the condemners.

That is why this week was so sweet to me. Jesus was condemned too. He forgave too. So, I follow his example. I forgive. I am sad though. I really feel like they would prefer I not exist. that is what is so sad. It was truly heart-wrenching to know that even people beyond the one person I had a pretty good idea did not like me, apparently do not like me either. 

Why is it so important for me to have people like me? The curse of the Type Two! 

All that said, I can put that away. I do not deny it. I do not repress it, but there is such JOY in my life in all other areas. I have been doing so well. I have been taking walks with George almost every single day. Last night, Michael came home, and Paul had the night off. So we took a sunset walk over Hospital Hill, laughing and talking and just loving each other. I love my harmonious family. :) I love George working from home.

I am also on a good eating rhythm. I have stuck to a plan for 11 days now! Once I am "in the groove," I can stay in it for a very long time. I feel so much better too! I have been eating lots of fruits and veggies and good protein. Staying away from a lot of high-fat stuff. I am not going to weigh myself until April 30. It will be good to get this "BROKEN LEG BAGGAGE" in my gut off! This is not me. It took me a long time to get it off (seven months), but I am getting there slowly but surely. YAY!

Well, there was sixteen minutes. BYE!