44. God is in the Manger by Bonhoeffer

This is an Advent devotional book that I will complete before the end of the year (even though it goes until January 6 - Epiphany), but I wanted to review it now in case anyone wanted to get it for their Advent readings. It is precious. I forgot it was on my iPhone until walking this morning and decided to listen to it again this season after having done it in 2012 prior. I got it from christianaudio.com, and is 2 hours and 19 minutes. SO GOOD! It is a perfect thing for preparing yourself for the coming of Jesus!

It starts on the first Sunday of Advent which this year was November 30, but it would only take you about thirty minutes of reading to catch up to today.  

If you have never read his writings, this is an excellent place to start! It definitely has the editor's writings in there though. So some people do not like that it is not just Bonhoeffer. It is a collection of his writings with a devotional attached to that theme written by someone else. 

The four weeks of Advent have these title:

Waiting
Mystery
Redemption
Incarnation

It continues to . . . 
The Twelve Days of Christmas and Epiphany

Here is a review of the book and a brief biography of Bonhoeffer from amazon.com:

"These Advent and Christmas reflections of Bonhoeffer flew from his prison cell, flung open the doors of hope, and sailed heavenward as heart-wrenching prayers, prayers from a condemned man, prayers from a hopeful man, prayers from a man who embodied what it means to pray 'May your kingdom come.' This will be my Advent and Christmas book." Scot McKnight, Karl A. Olsson Professor in Religious Studies, North Park University, and author of The Jesus Creed and The Blue Parakeet --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

About the Author 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-45) was a Christian minister, seminary professor, and theologian who became one of the leading voices of opposition against Nazism during World War II. He was a founding member of Germany's Confessing Church and was executed for participating in a plot to assassinate Hitler. His theological views have become highly influential in the years since his death.

Here is the review from Christian Audio:

"There are only two places where the powerful and great in this world lose their courage, tremble in the depths of their souls, and become truly afraid. These are the manger and the cross of Jesus Christ." 

"No priest, no theologian stood at the cradle of Bethlehem. And yet, all Christian theology finds its beginnings in the miracle of miracles, that God became human."

These stirring words are among forty devotions that guide and inspire readers as they move thematically through the weeks of Advent and Christmas, from waiting and mystery to redemption, incarnation, and joy. Supplemented by an informative introduction, short excerpts from Bonhoeffer's letters, and passages from his Christmas sermons, these daily devotions are timeless and moving reminders of the true gift of Christmas. 

Making Room in Advent: 25 Devotionals for a Season of Wonder

This is a delightful Christmas devotional with art by the author to ponder through Visio Divina. It travels slowly through the Luke 1-2 accounts. Day 19 holds the verses on Jesus' birth. So, I finished it today! 

I heard about it because the artistic team and our Leadership pastor put together a great Advent station in our prayer room with pictures and snippets from the book. Here it is:

From the publisher:

Preparation for the Christmas season can often feel busy and frantic, but it doesn't have to be this way. What if we stopped and listened to the movement and unfolding of God's plan around us? Making Room in Advent is an invitation away from the chaos and into the space where God is at work.

The unfolding of God's plan often happens in unlikely spaces, both in Scripture and in our own lives. Join Bette Dickinson as she moves through the story of Jesus' birth and the stories of the many people that were part of the journey. Each page is filled with an original painting that will fill you with hope and wonder during the Advent season. The twenty-five devotionals offer spiritual practices, breath prayers, and reflection questions that allow you to truly make room for God's work in your life, your community, and the world.

Saturday Sixteen Minute Freewrite

Photo by Max Beck on Unsplash

I have not had a freewrite in so long. The fall is a blur. George and I have gone on several walks and wondered how summer was over. It has been so good, so rich, so full; but it is time for the Advent season where I want to slow down and put my attention to contemplating the Incarnation and arrival of that baby born in a manger. 

Last weekend, I spent from Friday at 12:30 pm to Sunday at 1:00 pm in a virtual Advent retreat by Pray as You Go, St. Beuno's, and Imagine. It was such a beautiful time (just as beautiful as the daily Pray as You Go meditations because the retreat was run by Emma, the director of Pray as You Go and a beautiful soul) with 13 retreatants at St. Beuno's and 27 of us online. I had to get up at 1:30 am on Saturday and Sunday, but it was 100% worth it. 

Interesting contrast. I went from this retreat which was little talking, a lot of contemplation, and personal prayer with two optional short times of sharing in a small group time to one on Monday which was ninety-nine percent time talking, and one percent time for contemplation and prayer. One poem was read with no time to contemplate its words. The bulk of our time was spent in a small group, where one person read a paragraph and we spent the rest of the time answering six questions. Oh dear. Bless their hearts. I loved the people in my small group (because they were the only people I knew out of the larger group and were randomly put in my group). Such a contrast though. 

Can you tell me which one I prefer more? I have been hanging out with Jesuits for a long time, and I love the way they do things. 

Monday also brought me into a whirlwind of work. I had to call, Fran, my spiritual director for somewhat of an emergency meeting as I had a sticky situation that I was in ministry-wise. This full day was followed by two mornings of training new directors with Sustainable Faith. WOW! So life-giving for me to be with this great group of mature believers who want to grow in their ability to companion people on their Jesus journey. It was inspiring and always a pleasure to "shadow" (they call me an "intern") my trainers, Marty and Sandy. They are the bomb. SO GOOD at what they do. Marty had to demonstrate doing a spiritual direction session with someone, and I was the guinea pig. I felt really safe with Marty. So, I was pretty vulnerable. After my emotional and full Monday, it was great to unpack that with him (and ok that 14 other people were watching, I think). 

So, the week was full, but I officially entered vacation mode at 12:10 pm when my last directee for 2023 left my house (such a wonderful, sweet person, by the way). 

George and I walked to Pastini's to have a celebration lunch! It has been a good year. Today I listened to Lectio365 since I was focused on other things since October in my devotional time. Jill started an Advent series that is delightful. So, I will be following their journey for the next three-plus weeks until Christmas. It should be great. I also have a devotional from Bill O'Bryne that I am enjoying, Advent Exercises, I liked his Lenten Devotional, and this is just as good. 

Well, I am committed to only writing for 16 minutes, and I have 25 seconds to go. God is so good. I love where He is taking me/us lately. It is so good to walk with Him.

 

Free Write from a Well-Watered Soul

Setting the timer for 20 today. Refer to the rules and shutter when you see all my errors, but don't judge! Try a free write yourself. They are so fun!

Well-Watered Soul 
From a Bible Book Club reader:

Just finshing up a year long study of the Old Testament with Carol Ann Weaver. She said I would look at advent hymns with new eyes after studying the OT in its entirety and boy! was she right! Meditating on the words of "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus" and "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" (one of my favorites!)...can't wait for Advent this year!

Thus why I do this crazy thing called the Bible Book Club and why I am writing a twenty minute free write today. 

It makes all the long hours worth every single millisecond. I stood there making my tea this morning, and God was saying, "YES! This is why I have put this crazy idea in your heart and mind." I see no other way we can really know God than to read what He has said to us about Himself. Sure, you have to struggle through His wrath and see the consequences to seemingly innocent people, but we must struggle through that wrath to really understand His mercy.

My soul is well-watered this morning. I had this Holy Spirit twinge that has not subsided since I awoke to this delightful message on Facebook. What a rewarding journey the Bible Book Club has been for me. (I am going through a brain blip right now, but the rules of free writing saying that I do not remove my fingers from the keys. It is a Holy Spirit raptures kind of brain blip though. I am basically having this soothing peace inside my heart. It is warm right in the center of my chest, and I know He is right here with me as I type. I know that some people believe that God is dead, but NOPE, He is very much alive. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that He is 100% real and true, and I wish more people knew - Thus why the Bible Book Club is there).

Claudia was so sweet to tell another person at our Imagine Coffee and Conversation time yesterday why I do the Bible Book Club, and how great it will be for it to be there "in perpetuity" once I finally finish this second cycle in December of 2013. 

What an all-consuming time thing it has been, but I would not trade the time for all the tea in China (and I really like tea, by the way). It has fed my soul, and I always miss it when I take breaks. I have taken some breaks this year (more than all the other years ), and it has been good for my back and fitness to walk and pray more this year than other years (although I try to do that daily).

Anyway, this reader's post on Facebook made me SO excited for CHRISTMAS! I had forgotten that I had posted two advent hymns in today's post until she posted on Facebook. It made me go to Handel's Messiah posts, and I cannot wait until I go through Messiah again starting the day after Thanksgiving. I think I went through it four times last Advent season, and it was such a "near to God" time for me. I had those songs in my head as I awoke every morning. 

I love this well-watered life, Lord. Thanks for being Living Water, Jesus. You are really real, and You came to do what You said You would do: GIVE US LIFE ABUNDANTLY!

OK, here is a free-write side note that is maybe along that line: why is the divorce rate higher among evangelical Christians than both mainline denominations AND atheists and agnostics then? I just reread some of my posts for 1 Corinthians (working ahead), and I read the Barna Group statistics on that one, and I am flummoxed. Having this abundant life marriage myself, it is hard to fathom, but George is walking with God, and I honestly think that most evangelicals think they have it but they don't even know that half of it. I am not saying that arrogantly or in a "Neener, neener neener, I have it, and you don't" kind of way. I say it with sadness in my heart. There might be a wife that really gets it, and a husband who is barely living that kind of life or visa-versa. George says it is more the husband being "barely" there as a husband and father when it comes to walking with God. He has seen it in the failing marriages that are so prevalent all around us in our churches.

Really not a "I have it and they don't" kind of thing. People just don't get the GOOD NEWS. Seriously. We don't get why Jesus died. We don't get this amazing MERCY we have been given. And we are "prone to wander" and "leave the God we love" at every turn in our lives. That is why I write so furiously everyday to say, "STAY here in His Word. It isn't just a "trifle" for us. It is our "life" (quoting Moses' final word to the Israelites.).

And it isn't that much of a sacrifice.

Twenty minutes. Done. Press without Proofreading!

Tuesday Twelve Freewrite

I am sort of bummed that I didn't do a freewrite on Sunday! I broke my streak. 

No worries. I got distracted. I had to write that Valentina was coming this Friday instead of next Wednesday. I swear that much of time is scheduling things on my calendar. :)

I found a new album to love: Advent at Ephesus

It is the same group of nuns that sing to me every morning, but I didn't know that they did an Advent album. YAY!

I meditated on Phil 2 today in connection with the Incarnation. So powerful. It came on the heels of someone on my Type Two Helper Facebook forum who said she was not recognized for something with her coworker, and she was really mad and bummed. I used to be like that. Now I just laugh. It happens to me, all the time, that someone else gets recognized for something that I did. Many times it is my husband who gets the credit, and we just laugh and say, "Well, we ARE one."  I don't care about things like that anymore. Look at Jesus, he humbled himself, leaving behind his lofty position to be born as a human being. He humbled Himself to the point of death. I think I can handle not be recognized for something, and it is God who highly exalted the Son. So I need to just let God highly exalt me. This led me to a drive out in the country with another friend on the team when I lamented that I was a bench sitter. She said, "Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you at the proper time." Pam Mark Hall's song about that verse came out loud and clear on her cassette tape player in the car (yes, pre-digital).

So there you go. What a great reminder of my PRIDE. I used to hate being humiliated, but now I just see it as God's way of making me follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Now, I get acknowledgment all the time (thinking of my conversation with a friend after my time with God this morning where she praised me up and down and every side), but I don't crave it or expect it. On the flip side, when people treat me disrespectfully and like I am nothing (this is rare, but there is one person who has done it for over 30 years), I can handle it. In fact, it does not bother me anymore. What has happened to me????

Thursday Freewrite

I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at about 4:15am. I slept a really long time the night before. So I think this is just my body adjusting to get my usual 6 hours of sleep (it is enough for me - I have the Sleepless Elite gene). 

Boxing Day Reflection

Type Two EnneaThought® for December 26th
On Boxing Day, which can be a day of recovery from celebrations, quietly reflect on your blessings. As a Two, consider the ways you are blessed with radiant joy, grace, and natural kindness. (Personality Types, 59) 

I am using this prompt for my freewrite this early Thursday morning.

This will be a day of recovery from celebrations. We were going to go away, but leaving today was flatly rejected when I asked the crew about it. So, I will use this day to reflect.

I will consider the way I am blessed with radiant joy,  grace, and natural kindness. Wait, this is sort of a hard thing to do! I can think of how I am blessed in my life:

• Family time at Christmas Eve service and around the Advent Wreath. I love that they all love to do this as a family together. 
• A wonderful mother-in-law that I feel totally comfortable with - so much so that I always have to fight against falling asleep on her couch!
• I love the laid-back quality of our day with opening presents and eating breakfast. 
• I just loved the laid-back quality of the whole Christmas Season. We went to one evening party and had a lovely time at John & Katherine's Christmas Eve brunch. There were other parties, but we were not able to go. It was also lovely just having spiritual direction time with so many lovely ladies who sit in my chair and tell me how God is working in their lives. 
• Morning after morning of Advent meditations and contemplations in Scripture and talking to God about all of that. Meditating in Messiah. So sweetly serene.

But this question in the prompt just sort of stumps me: "consider the ways you are blessed with radiant joy, grace, and natural kindness."  It is harder for me because it makes me feel like I am bragging. But here goes:

Radiant Joy - Well, my dearest father named me Carol which means "Song of Joy." I was supposed to be a Karen ("pure one"), but he took one look at me and he knew I was a Carol. I feel like that was a God moment that started my life. It was this kiss of blessing from my father on earth and my Father above. I am a joyful person. Most people describe me (the timer is going off, but I am going to keep going because I finally got enough nerve to answer this question) as a joyful person. I get the words vivacious, lively, and the one that people keep saying over and over again to me after they have spent time with me is life-giving. (I think George is also very life-giving. So we get that often when people spend time in our home.) I do fill a room with joy. And it is not forced. I actually feel such joy in my heart most of the time. I am so BLESSED. I am so GRATEFUL. So there you go. 

Radiant Grace - I am very quick to forgive people. It was hard for me this week to have to relive past things that happened because I had forgiven and moved on, but I had to go there because the person had not forgiven. So I extend grace to people all the time. I can always improve on this, but I love to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to practice the Ignatian Plus One principle: 

Ignatius says that we “ought to be more eager to put a good interpretation on a neighbor’s statement than to condemn it.”

Always give people the benefit of the doubt. What’s more, says Ignatius, if you’re not sure what a person means, you should, says Ignatius, “ask how the other means it.” Ignatius placed that crucial advice at the beginning of the Exercises to ensure that both...[people] don’t misunderstand each other. Each presupposes that the other is trying to do his or her best.[1]

I was severely judged and labeled because certain people made assumptions about my character and meaning behind innocent questions, comments, and conversations. It would have been cleared up if the other would have asked how I mean it. It is so hard when someone labels me. I need to practice it the other way and this situation is a stark reminder of the "Plus Sign." 

Most of the time, I think I do radiate grace though. I have so many people that I interact with because of my job with the university, health club, spiritual direction, and our ministry. It is so crucial. I remember misunderstanding something with K a few years back, and clarifying it was so lovely. The people I dealt with this week are not as good at communication though, and I need to extend "radiant grace" for that though. 

Natural Kindness - I think this is easy for me. It would be hard for me to be intentionally cruel to someone. I love being kind. I do think it is a natural quality of mine. So again, it is hard for me when someone tells me I meant unkindness when they totally misread what I was trying to do. 

Man, that was really uncomfortable for me to do. I don't like to brag about this stuff. I think what triggered me so much this week was that when I was growing up, my mom would interpret things totally different from how I intended them. Cleaning the bathroom for her and her thinking I intentionally put extra Comet in the bathtub to make it gritty because I was mad that she told me to clean it. I LOVED cleaning the bathroom! I loved making it all shiny. The fact that I accidentally forgot to rinse the invisible grit out of the bathtub was interpreted as me being "unkind" and "spiteful" was devasting for me and especially since my mom continued to tell other people this story of my growing up years far into my adult years was even more devastating for me. 

There were more incidents of this, and it was so great to have George there to mirror the truth rather than the lie. He has been doing that for me this week too. I am very grateful. He gets me. My good friends get me. Anyone who truly wants to can get me can because I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of gal, and I think that is also a good quality!

OK, I am done. This is too much for me. 

Embarrassed to press the button of this freewrite, but I am going to do it.  

---

[1] The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything p. 234

Prayerful Review of Week

Hard to believe that I have not done one of these for a week. I can see the advantage of doing it at the end of the day, and I am going to try to do that before I go to bed in the new year. I may or may not post it here though.

Prayerful Review of December 11-18:

What made me feel most alive and in tune with God's plan:

Jumping right back into my beautiful life in Corvallis by having a cookie party less than 24 hours after my return.  Ika, Rika, Nancy, Rebekah, and Heather. I loved that we all pooled our gifts together. Nancy is so good at hospitality (I am the only person in the group who does not have that gift). Her house was so beautifully decorated. Rebekah had made cookie and frosting, and I demonstrated how to make cranberry scones (using my teaching gift). I also explained the Advent Wreath. I had put together the whole Christmas story from Prophets to Angels to Shepherds to Wise Men to Jesus. I feel most alive when I teach.

Talk with sensible 20-somethings who are friends with my niece and her new husband. They all had their heads on straight and were not into the partying. That was refreshing to see the individuals in the group.

Reading Notes from a Small Island on the way back from Cabo - I feel so alive when I read. I don't know why, but I do.

War and Peace mini-series with George - Tolstoy has such spirituality woven into his deep tales. Loved every minute of this thing. So good to enjoy it with George.

Snow days and walks in it. George being home from Wednesday to Friday because of it.

Our family all together and God opening up the skies with sunshine so we could go grab a tree.

Watching the kids decorate the tree all on their own.

Gathering around the Advent Wreath and Jesse Tree for stories that tell the Scarlet Thread of Redemption from Creation to Christ.

Singing "Come Thou Long, Expected Jesus" with my family is one of the best feelings EVER.

Serving the Stewarts as a family. We helped them move.

A nice note from both my niece's about Cabo.

What made me feel most dead and not in tune with God's plan:

Two "deadening" encounters with people come to mind, but I feel God wants me to retract what I wrote previously. If they involve other people the details will be between me and God!

Ways to show my love for God and others today:

Fellowship and love on our pastor and his wife at their retirement celebration.

Follow up: YES! Great retirement celebration!

Daily Reflections for Advent and Christmas: Walking in Joyful Hope 2020-2021

I don't remember where I picked this book up, but I found it in my Christmas book basket and decided to give it a whirl. I love the subtitle of Walking in Joyful Hope since joy is my theme for 2023 (even though this book is a devotional from two years ago). 

It goes from the first Sunday in Advent to the 10th of January. It was hit or miss as far as the entries were concerned. Sometimes, some of the verses did not match what she talked about in the devotional (I am wondering if it was just the Catholic verses for that day?) Some were lovely though. I would recommend it (with some skips - especially the veneration of Mary stuff because I am not Catholic). 

I did like how she talked about different poems (although she doesn't put the poems in the book - wondering if there is a need to pay the publishers of the poems for their use). 

I will say I love the colors on the cover! 

Sunday Sixteen Freewrite

I am loving doing the Exercises again. I am doing an abbreviated form as I have been down the road two times before. Oh, how I long to do the 30-day retreat, but there is one in California that is VERY expensive, and there is one in Colorado that is reasonable, but I cannot be away from George and the guys that long. Just not ready for a 30 break from them. 

They really are the greatest. We went and got our tree yesterday. It was a simple act. It was year 21 of going to his tree farm, and they still enjoy it. 

Yesterday, George wanted to go to see the Mister Rogers movie with Tom Hanks while the guys went and saw Frozen II, but I just was a little low-ebb. I think running of our D3 and not having it for over a week finally caught up with me. George went and got more because he was out also, and we watched The Green Book because I had gotten it from Netflix DVD. I get this free whenever The Crown has a new season. The DVD portion used to have DVDs I could not get at the library, and I had a list, but they didn't have them. I think they have really curtailed their inventory. So the more artsy films that I like are not available. So, I think it will be paying for them to own or sometimes they are on Amazon for a per movie price rental, but that would still be cheaper than a monthly subscription to Netflix that I have never felt the need to get since we have so much available to us through the library. We pay a yearly fee through our property tax, and that is our movie subscription fee right there. 

We did watch a really cheesy Christmas Netflix original. I see that they are trying to cash in on the Hallmark Channel Christmas movies that are so hugely popular. Frankly, I watched maybe two last year and had to stop. I know people really like those, but TOO CHEESY for me!

In the Exercises, I have been reviewing those basic sin patterns that have been identified over the last couple of years, and I have seen growth. I could rejoice in God's merciful love on that score. It has been a phenomenal two years. While dropping out of the Renovare Institute was necessary (had a lot of memories attached to that experience recently, and I am thankful I could work through it), it did lead me to the Exercises. Now I am on to Christ the King exercises and then I can begin the Advent ones. TODAY starts the beginning of the new Christian Year that starts with Advent. So HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

This week, I am going to meet with Brittany and maybe Nancy and Rebekah and Elizabeth. I have not heard a thing from Elizabeth, but she said this week was better than last week. She is hard to pin down lately. I hope she is doing well. Anywho, I hope to have maybe a meal with Nancy this week, but she might go to Bend with Kevin.

Praying the boys find they have jobs soon. Paul is waiting for two and has one more interview on Thursday. Michael, I need to check on. I love them both so much. Praying people to see what gems of employees they will be. 

Praying at church today for the early service. So I need to get ready. 

Goals for the Week:

Finish Dear Bob and Sue - I like it, but I am getting a bit tired of their putting each other down so much and sarcasm toward other people. 

Salt Houses - This book has great potential about a Palestinian family

Enneagram - Type 5 and 8 work. If no one takes up my slots for meeting tomorrow, that is what I will do all day. I would love to finish it this December rather than wait for when they are due in April. 

Finish work on the house - more drawers and closets. 

Reconnect with Marty about Marge. I did not hear back from her.

Reconnect with Amy - 8:30 is not a good time for me. I would like my spiritual direction to be during the day. I was out like a light at 9 pm last night. I just do not do well with late-night appointments. 

Monday Freewrite

I forgot to freewrite yesterday! My first time in (I think) three weeks. 

Here I go. The weekend was mellow. We decided not to go to the coast to stay at our friends' house. We really wanted to go, but we had already RSVPd to the only party we were going to go to this Christmas. So, I thought it would be rude not to go, and it ended up being a lovely party. It was also nice to have the whole day.

I spent time listening to Messiah and reading the Renovare Book Club Book for these two months. It is a simple book on prayer. It is nothing new, but I loved her little vignettes. I cannot remember the name, and I don't want to stop this freewrite.

I have so enjoyed the Pray as You Go advent readings. So great. 

On Sunday, I listened to the WHOLE Messiah again without stopping. The guys had gone shopping, and I decided that it would be great to just sit and soak. I LOVE it. It never gets tiring to listen to this. 

So, now I have the WHOLE Messiah Meditations edited. I have not done a run through since 2015. I am still praying about publishing it. I don't know the first thing about doing that though. I just have to wait on God though. 

I did have one frustrating thing. I went to change the font of my "Tools for Meditation and Study" handout, and it got all messed up. So I had to spend quite a bit of time reformatting it, but now I have a new handout. I edited it and added some things. I like it better. So, it ended up being great in the end. 

Also, Sunday's Advent Wreath time with the family was lovely. They all still get into it so much; even as adults! 

Oh, one thing about the party was that a friend was there who totally agreed with me about the relationship between the people in the book we read for our book club. I think I wrote here that I felt like what I said went over like a lead balloon. Well, she totally thought the same thing that I did. It was validating. 

The Exercises have been so lovely this time around. Since I am leading two people through the 19th annotation, I thought it important that I experience what they are experiencing. It never gets old for me though. Right now, I am meditating on the Annunciation and Incarnation. Today was Mary. I never get tired of reading her response to God, "Behold the bondslave of the LORD, be it done to me according to Your word." Amen! I want to have Mary's heart. We conversed about some lovely things. I am fasting and praying again today for some things I have been praying about forever. I have had such hope though. 

Today, I will meet with two directees. One has never done spiritual direction before. So I am giving her a taste of what it is like. I have discipled her in the past. I think it was from 2006-2009. Then she was also in a lighter version of our international training (2016-2017). It will be so nice to catch up with her since we do not go to the same church anymore. The other woman is one who has come several times. In fact, I met with her last week, but she has a lot of time off during the break. I like meeting with women. I usually just meet with one person a day. So we will see how I do meeting with two. 

I also want to get back to reading Slaves in the Family and Voices of Chernobyl. I also have a new one I am staring called Reading Your Story. 

I already spent time this morning getting the house all straightened up. I neglected things while I was preoccupied with editing. 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen: FREEDOM!

"Guiding our feet into the way of peace"

I am listening to the Porter's Gate Advent Songs and this line of the first song sticks with me as I write this freewrite (freewrites are where you just type or write away for a specified time without any concern about punctuation or spelling or anything) because I feel such peace. It was punctuated as we meditated on Lamentations 3 in the 2nd Watch of the OMS this morning (see below).

I am ever so grateful that 16 1/2 years ago you saved me from a dysfunctional and abusive church situation. It was a time of great affliction, but "because of the Lord's great love, [I] was not consumed." I can look back on that time and see You were (are) truly my hope.

This is so good because I spent the majority of the day at that church yesterday preparing the room above (I still have deep relationships with some people there and was happy to help one of my besties with her daughter's wedding preparation). I have no pain in entering this place and have not for several years. In fact, I have gone back there several times to teach and feel only love. In fact, there is also joy. It was a good decision for us (and our family as the abuse also trickled down to our oldest) to leave. (It also helps that not one of the people in leadership at that time is there anymore.) 

I rejoice this morning in my advent devotional time that you have turned my sorrow into joy, mourning into gladness. I have no pain or bitterness. In fact, one of the people involved with the pain was there, and I felt only love (which is so weird because that person came to mind as I was meditating in Lectio365 yesterday morning, not realizing that that person would probably be there). I am not consumed. I am not in pain even in that relationship (and good because we were tasked with a project together). God is so good. 

He has "guided my feet into the way of peace." You are truly my HOPE. 

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.

Saturday Sixteen Minute Freewrite

Yummy time with God this morning. I meditated on the Passover in my "Jesus' Family History" portion of the Spiritual Exercises (Week 12, Advent 1). Then I had some centering prayer time with words "Light" and "Lamb" interchanging. Thinking that Jesus came into the world as Light and exited as the Lamb. Profound moments in the light of my candle, and the lights on our tree. 

Last night was a colossal consolation time of sensorial delight. We went to the Corvallis-OSU Symphony Orchestra Holiday Concert. WOW! The music and singing were amazing. I would just close my eyes and drink it all in. I did it with my favorite men too. Good family time together. I love this life of living in the present moment and drinking it all in with all of my senses. I have learned to do that so much more in the last couple of years. I am so thankful. 

Yesterday was Friday. For years, Friday has been my day to have no agenda and no guilt over not "doing" anything. For many years, I would use it as my day to 1) love my neighbor by making someone bread, and 2) learn something new with in-depth research. I would like to resurrect that tradition of baking bread for my neighbors again. We have some new ones I don't think I have baked bread for, but I cannot remember where I left off. I think we probably have five new neighbors since I last did it. As for #2 above, I binged watched The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I do not like all the bad language on that show (there are more creative words to use than the one everyone seems to use so gratuitously these days), but I do like everything else about this show. It is a visual masterpiece and so artsy for a show. Networks just cannot do what these streaming entities do these days. It really is an amazing show and makes me sad that such a disgusting show won over it at the Emmies last year. I tried to watch it and could not even get through five minutes. YUK! 

It was a good day yesterday with the concert being my greatest consolation. Music is such a connection for me with God. I also have loved the Pray as You Go app Advent readings. Those Irish Jesuits are the bomb (not to mention I LOVE hearing them say "Isaiah" when they read Scripture from that book). Someday, I do dream of having a podcast for the Exercises. I pray for someone who knows what they are doing to just drop in my lap.

It must be sixteen minutes? What was my biggest desolation? I am not sure. I am feeling less anxious about the job situation. Paul is waiting on three interviews he did in the last week. Michael is applying for a new place in Eugene. So I am happy that they are moving forward. That still is the Christmas present I want most of all. 

There it is. BYE! 

Saturday Sixteen Minute Freewrite

I did it. Today will be a full week of doing freewrites. I said, "Famous last words" about my intention of doing them daily, and here I am!

I have had a very good week. I felt very focused on the Lord during my morning times. It has been fun to go back to the Spiritual Exercises. Disappointed that Anne and Elizabeth were not able to coordinate using Exercises for Everyone with the others in their cohort, but that is OK. I can live with that. Tony's brush off of my a year ago was a good exercise for me, and it was the theme of last year to work through the Type Two's fear that we are unwanted and unloved. I feel very wanted and very loved by YOU, God. So that is all I have to write on a Post-it note from now into eternity because YOU are the one I am spending eternity with anyway. Your opinion is the only one that matters. WOW! I am not just telling myself that truth. I am actually following through and living in that truth these days. Why did it take me so long to get here?

Yesterday was a lovely day. Cold and sunny, I woke up still early but had gotten plenty of sleep. I had a bit of caffeine in the late afternoon at mother in law's so that I could stay up a bit later that night. Even with that, I could only stay up until about 9:15. Part of it was that Wonderful World of Disney Christmas special was really BAD. There were good things in it: Sting and Pentatonix especially, but many of the acts were pretty cheesy or just sounded really bad. So, I am not surprised I could not stay awake.

I had a Facetime Spiritual Direction with Anne at 7am. So good. I love that girl. Then Katherine and I went for a two-hour walk up to Chip Ross Park. I got all 10,000 steps in and a good time catching up with Katherine. I have not spent one-on-one time with her since a bit after I broke my leg. She is such a great girl.

After this, I finished The End of the Affair. It is a sad story but so well-written! Narration by Colin Firth was also a plus. 

After this, I painfully finished that Christmas special. Eighty percent bad! 

It would have been a perfect day to go get our tree, but no one could be roused to do so (including myself). So it was a low-key recovery from Thanksgiving day for all of us. I read a little bit more of The Drowned World and was considering watch the rest of the Everest movie (as a follow up after reading Into Thin Air), but I know what happens, and I just cannot do it. I am going to bring it back to the library. Too sad for me to see this in dramatic form.

We had a lovely Salsbury Steak dinner together. Then I did the weirdest thing, I saw that Twilight was free on Xfinity. What? I cannot believe I actually watched that movie. I can see the appeal for teenagers. 

After this, I went to sleep and slept a good seven hours. I think I am officially caught up and readjusted to the time change.

Today, I hope we get our tree. It is the first day of Advent tomorrow, and I want to set up our Advent Wreath at the least. I think I am also ready to go back to my Enneagram studies. I am to become an expert on Types 5 and 8 in the next few months. That will be fun. There are none of these types in my cohort (although one of the women in there sure seems more like an 8 to me than a 1). 

Five Months Later . . .She returns to her blog!

I haven't blogged in five months and one day. I started this so long ago. I almost forgot that I had it.

We had a fabulous Christmas. I didn't need to "do" anything to fend off the "low" feeling that I often feel during this time. This was HUGE. I think going on my first Advent Silent Retreat really helped me focus, and I had a direction for the season that was just lovely and peaceful.

Not that it is ever busy. I have this aversion to overcommercialized and busy Christmastimes. I usually have all my shopping and wrapping done by December 1. This year, I waited until after my Advent Retreat and took a few minutes here and there to wrap the last gifts. I usually do TO much ahead of time and I am bored. Then, the LOW comes.

So, I felt directed to declutter, and I did. I deculttered my closets and went through the downstairs with the boys in order to organize and declutter their play area. Now, all I have left is the guest room closet (which doubles as a craft closet). It really looks pretty good down there, but I know that the boys' craft draw in that closet is in need of some decluttering. After that, maybe the boys' Lego drawers, but they really aren't too bad.

I just purposed to do it a little bit at a time. I am so "addicted to closure" that I overdo things to get to the finish. So, I took little breaks to declutter from which I took little breaks to read from which I took little breaks to cuddle kids from which I took little breaks to talk to friends from which I took little breaks to clean. It was a nice calm flow from one little bit to another.

I have also scrapbooked during this time, but I wasn't feeling led to it. So, I didn't do it! I decided INSTEAD to read through all those books that people have given me to read that I either

1) Felt obligated to accept and read
2) Wanted to read but knew that I really didn't have time with my other readings


So the week before Christmas and this week have been this, and I have loved it. I had eight borrowed books, and I have gotten through six of them. I have done it "slowly" and enjoyed the process immensely. Some were forgettable. Not too impressed, but they weren't bad. The ones that have impressed me amazingly were

Whose Land, Whose Promise about Palestinian/Israeli conflict
Blood Brothers by Elias Chacour

Both are excellent! Wished I had read them sooner.

I only have two more to go now: Scapegoat by Du Marnier and Affliction by Francis Shaeffer.

Trying not to be too addicted and enjoy the experience.

Blah, blah, blah. This is fun, but in anything, I don't want to become so involved with this Blog that I don't enjoy the life I live. I learned this on the Silent Retreat too! I also don't want to lose the art of writing in a physical journal. :)

Freewrite Fifteen

Here I go! I have not had a Freewrite for many, many days. I have been fairly full in my days, but today is a day for personal enrichment! 

I have no spiritual direction appointments. I was possibly going to have one with someone passing through, but it turned out that we had Valentina and Pieter here the whole time, and I thought it was going to be raining so we would have been inside with vacuum cleaners going. As it was, I had a very nice visit with them as they cleaned, and I had a pick me up as she commented on how well I have done at keeping my weight down! That was timely as I had gotten on the scale, and I have still kept my 10% weight off (from the gain during my Tibial Plateau Fracture), but it was at the very edge of that 10%, and I like to be about 5 pounds below that. So it was good to have the encouragement to KEEP IT OFF! 

With that said, I want to give a shout out to the new Weight Watchers. I had never officially done it before. I had gotten a book many years ago, and it was sort of a hassle. Now they have a great app, and you don't have to keep track of every single thing because there is a wide variety of Zero-point foods, and it psychologically does something to you to go for those foods instead of the really high point foods like ice cream and chocolate! I love how easy it is, and I love all the incentives and now they even have exercise videos built into the app! I think I will stick with them for another six months for maintenance. I think their maintenance is pretty cool because, at first, I thought, why didn't they give me more points to play with now that I have reached my goal? It seems like they didn't give me more points until a few weeks after my goal was reached (maybe four, but I am not sure). So maybe they want you to ease into it by giving you more points to play with as you prove you are keeping it off? I will have to read more deeply into all of this. 

I also made a good decision because I had switched from the blue plan to the green plan, and I just was not losing on the green plan. So I went back to the blue. It is fewer points, but they make lean protein options as Zero point foods. Anywho, it has been good. 

OH also, my back has not had tight problems (a precursor to there being a shift in my SI joint). The only thing I have been doing differently for the last 35 days is SQUATS. I do 50 squats a day in the morning, and I hear all these creaks. I think it "uncorks" me for the day. I am not sure. I told Dr. Myers that I want to break my record of 43 days. Actually, my real record was when I was teaching six Pilates classes a week (as opposed to only four). I think I went five months without seeing him then. 

Speaking of Pilates, I am going to make 20 hours of video content for the Faculty Staff Fitness because my boss did not submit the paperwork that said I have furloughed this term. I am looking forward to it, and it will be nice to have the video content for my Body and Soul Companion site. So it will be a win-win. I could not start doing it immediately because I had a melanoma biopsy on my bottom, and I had to wait to do Pilates until I got the stitches out after two weeks. I could not do the three rolling exercises with the stitches in. By the way, the biopsy came back benign.  I am happy about that.

I will start recording videos either today or tomorrow, and I have until December 31st to finish them.

Next week, I am doing a five day Advent Retreat. It is an "at-home" one, and they were not at all clear on their website about how we should go about doing this. So, I had four spiritual direction appointments, and when I called about something else, the lady was taken aback that I would have appointments. So, I called the director to find out if this was the case. I have no problem moving them, I was just seeking more information, and the director was so cold and "pithy." It left a negative impression in my mind of this group that I do not know much about. I have taken risks by joining groups "cold turkey" this quarantine season, and it has turned out great (thinking of the lovely people at Mercy Center, Burlingame, Albany CP group), but it made me wonder if I should do this retreat at all! I am still praying about this because I just did not get a good impression from either of the two ladies I talked to on the phone. I didn't understand why there was such coldness. So, still praying about it. If I do not do it, I will just have an Advent Retreat on my own since I moved all the appointments (except the one with the team I joined and have been waiting for for years - I cannot miss that one - no way). So we will see. 

I am going to IMAGINE today at noon. Then Teala is coming to visit. So it is a great enrichment Wednesday! 

 

Advent Exercises

This was my devotional for the season. I had done this author's Lenten Devotional and liked it very much. I did not like this one as well, but it was still  great. 

Moravian Text and Prayerful Review

I woke up very early and checked my daily verses and found such comfort in them:

Third Sunday of Advent

Watchword for the Week — Be strong, do not fear! Here is your God. Isaiah 35:4

He is my God. The last five days have been lovely but also hard as I realize how on the "outs" I am with my family of origin. I miss the people like my mom and my dad who made me feel welcome and included. 

Take away from this encouraging verse: He is my home.

Sunday, December 11 — Isaiah 35:1–10; Psalm 146:5–10
James 5:7–10; Matthew 11:2–11

I will gather the exiles (outcast in NASB). I will give them praise and honor in every land where they have suffered shame (I will turn their shame into praise and renown in all the earth). Zephaniah 3:19 (NIV)

Take away: I have always been made to feel shame for the choice I made to live where I do. The long term effect is that I have distant relationships with all of them, but God has given me praise and honor in abundance. I have YOU as my home God, a close abiding relationship with You. None of those relationships are bad, but they are not close because of time and distance. I would have been so lonely if I had stayed. I am in such a land of abundance now. I feel for my kids as they think those people are phantoms. But effort has not been made on their part to be in our lives or come to see us (only my wedding in 1990). That is not a rejection of me but a symptom of other things in their own lives. I need to feel no shame for the life I have chosen to live and where I have chosen to live it. I am free.

Zip lining and sailing were two free things we did yesterday.

Jesus saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. Mark 6:34

Take away: That is what I feel. No anger or bitterness. I feel sad for the lack of earthly family but feel more compassion than anything else.

Shepherd of our souls, we all are exiles in some way; we long for home. We are connected to others through the love we have with you and we ask that  you help us to share that love in our daily interactions. Amen.

Take away: This is so the prayer of my heart. So true that we are all exiles (outcast) in some way. The response is always love.

This has been hard but good. I had hoped to connect with one family here because of things we have in common, but there was no heart connection whatsoever and the door was shut in our face. There were many lovely moments with many lovely people though. (Additional note: we were able to talk to three couples who went to college with my niece after I wrote this post. They were deeper and lovely, and it was more fulfilling for me - I think I just crave deeper conversation, and most of them were so surface that I could not handle it after so many days!)

You are my home!

Prayerful Review of Last 24 hours:

What made me feel most alive and I tune with God's plan:

Doing the thing I feared by zip lining across 8 zip lines over a Cabo Canyon!

Having all the guides tell me how perfect my form was!

Having family back home like and follow our exploits!

Favorite dish at Blu!

A bubble bath

The most amazing private cruise at sunset at Land's End of Baja California, Mexico with my sweetheart!

Jumping manta rays at the junction between the Pacific Ocean and the Sea of Cortez!

Memories of childhood on the boat with my daddy. I didn't care that we had no wind to sail because the sound of a boat engine is music to my ears.

Doing this all with my partner on the exact day we "defined our relationship" 28 years ago!

What made me feel most dead and not I tune with God's plan:

Fretting over a snub when we got back. Not part of God's plan for me to worry about it. It is what it is. If some people have no interest in getting to know us (or even introducing us to others), it is their total loss and not ours. I release it all and let it go!

The verse You gave me at the beginning of this which is so amazing (see below): 

The Lord your God is in your midst.

A victorious warrior.

He will exult over you with joy.

He will be quiet in His love.

He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy!

Zephaniah 3:17

(After reading this when it was published, I realize that the opening verse is from Zephaniah 3 also! I had copied out verses 12-20 in my journal in the airport before we left - that is a God thing!)

That is why my earthly father changed my name at birth from Karen to Carol which means "Song of Joy"!

So thankful I also finished The Life of the Beloved on the plane to remind me of my Belovedness even though I do not feel beloved or cherished by my family and the people at this event. He reminded me of the name that my Heavenly Father gave me: Boldly Beloved!

(Monday Morning: George, "I know your family loves you, but I don't think they fully understand what motivates and drives you. Until recently, they have been so embroiled in overcoming their own addictions they have had no capacity to get to know you beyond what they already knew from the past."  What a wise man.)

This has been a phenomenal time in ways that have grown my heart!

Ways to show my love for God and others:

Give away our pesos! Greet everyone I meet with a smile.

Follow up: WE DID! Every single one and lots of smiles. :) I have some things to think through and process and work on, but it was a stretching trip for me in many ways.