A Taste for Death (1000 Books to Read)

FINISHED: May 5

Another thriller! Such great writing! Such suspense. I liked it so much, that George and I watched the series based on several of her books called Dalgliesh: 

I highly recommend it!

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

The book begins with a precision of time, place, and other coordinates—a police procedural, after all, being in essence a fatal novel of manners. An old woman and a young boy discover two dead bodies in a church. In life, the two men lying in the vestry, both with their throats slit, could hardly have been more different: One was a local vagrant, the other a baronet and a rising star in politics. In one of the most puzzling investigations of his long career, Commander Dalgliesh must unravel the twisted threads that yoked them together in death. As James details his investigations, the plot resonates with themes of faith and doubt that give unexpected dimensions to the question “What happens next?” Fellow crime novelist H. R. F. Keating, creator of the delightful Inspector Ghote, summed up James’s achievement in this book best when he wrote, “By entering the worlds and minds of all her main characters—suspects, investigators, bystanders—she has been able to say more about life than has hitherto been attempted in the crime form.” 

The Silence of the Lambs (1000 Books to Read)

FINISHED May 5

I will never see this movie. But the book was so well-written, and I always find them less scary than the film.

What a thriller! 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

Hannibal Lecter is one of the most chillingly drawn villains in the annals of modern fiction. He is perverse, polite, charming, brilliant, and brutal, and the FBI would like to lure him into helping with an ongoing investigation of a string of savage killings of young women that have left them baffled. Armed with a questionnaire and the protection of a file folder, Agent Clarice Starling comes face-to-face with the cannibalistic murderer, who is serving nine consecutive life sentences in a mental institution. So the forces of social order meet the urges of the sociopath; one side of that equation, as the reader soon recognizes, is seriously underprepared. Twisted minds, tortured bodies, and a straight line of perfectly pitched suspense add real horror to Thomas Harris’s novel, yet it is the riveting allure of Hannibal Lecter, the singular character at its core, that puts it in a class of its own as a modern thriller. 

The Eternal Promise (Renovare Book Club)

FINISHED: May 4

This was the last of the Renovare Book Club books for the 2023-2024 year. 

It was lovely. It took me a while to get into it, but some of the later essays are brilliant.

I enjoyed the person who led us through the book, the new President of Renovare, Ted Harro. His help was so excellent. He had a spiritual practice for each week of the book.

This is very different from the first book that I read by this author, A Testament of Devotion. It is a much easier read and a gem. 

But this one had a history about George Fox and the beginning of the Society of Friends (Quakers). It made my husband and I go to a Friends Meeting in my town. We loved it!  

Thursday Freewrite

from: https://wallup.net/clock-time-clouds-sky-years-days-mood-life/#google_vignette

 

It has been a while since I have done a freewrite. I usually journal on my Kindle Scribe now, but I got up exceptionally early this morning, and I have 1 hour and 20 minutes until my 7:30 am Campfire meeting for the 2HC. It is my last one of the year. We just have one more retreat from Thursday, June 27 to Saturday, June 29th. Then, I am done. Perhaps for good as I am not sure they will need me as a cohort leader due to small numbers, and I am an "add on" when they have had bigger cohorts. 

It is funny because I was having an inkling that I might not be doing it next year. 

This might not be so bad since I have two Spiritual Exercises groups - I had two people in both an 18th and 19th Annotations groups at the start of yesterday. Now, I have three people in each. 

So that is three extra people in my life two times a month from August/September to May and three extra people in my life every week from February - April (10 weeks). I am excited, but that will be 3 extra hours a month for nine months (27 hours) and then three additional people for 15 hours. So that is 42 hours. It is less than the 2HC which is 33 hours of retreats. 20 hours of Campfires, and an extra 13-26 hours of having one-on-one spiritual direction sessions with 1-2 directees (66-89 hours). But if I am being realistic and not including the 1-2 directees (because I would probably replace them with other directees in my private practice), it is 53 hours (and a whole lot of emails and Signal messages that can be time-consuming.  So, I am going to say it is about the same. 

(I am really getting tired of Grammarly - I just shut it off because it is getting annoying.) 

So, there you go. It has already been a bit more time consuming (well, really a LOT more time consuming) to be doing the Boller Cohort this year. That is 14 hours every other month plus prep for when I am leading, and the Enneagram was a LOT of time. Maybe 60 hours. So over 10 months 70 hours + 70 hours of prep (from Enneagram and other things) = 140 hours. So, I did fine balancing.

So, I probably can do both the 2HC and Spiritual Exercises because I don't have any major teaching in the second year (already all prepared for the Instinct talks). 

Well, I just need to discern my time next year. I am really glad I am teaching though. I really love teaching Pilates again! 

Next year: 

70 hours for Boller Cohort

The buzzer just went off. I am so weird doing a freewrite about all the numbers. I think I love every hour of it too, and it makes it so EASY when I just let God do the heavy lifting of all that I do! That is the Exchanged Life - He is with me always. YAY!

(P.S. - It is also so great to have so many exceptional people in my life - training spiritual directors, doing direction and supervision with spiritual directors, and working with International worker sold out for Jesus is SO encouraging!) 

The Artist's Way: Morning Pages Journal

Finished: April 26

I read The Artist's Way in 2022 and did the "Morning Pages" for a while. I started again this year, and I used this journal with portions of the book on each page. It is inspiring. After I finished this book, I decided to do it on my Scribe because journaling three full pages a day fills up a lot of paper over a year. I am at the end of my fifth month, and it has been SO HEALTHY for me to do it! I am more aware of my emotions, and this has benefitted me in all other areas. 

A Lesson Before Dying (1000 Books to Read)

Finished: April 16

From Amazon: 

A Lesson Before Dying is set in a small Cajun community in the late 1940s. Jefferson, a young black man, is an unwitting party to a liquor store shoot out in which three men are killed; the only survivor, he is convicted of a murder and sentenced to death. Grant Wiggins, who left his hometown for the university, has returned to the plantation school to teach. As he struggles with his decision whether to stay or escape to another state, his aunt and Jefferson's godmother persuade him to visit Jefferson in his cell and impart his learning and his pride to Jefferson before his death. In the end, the two men forge a bond as they both come to understand the simple heroism of resisting and defying the expected. Ernest J. Gaines brings this novel the same rich sense of place, the same deep understanding of the human psyche, and the same compassion for a people and their struggle that have informed his previous, highly praised works of fiction. 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

It is 1940s Louisiana, and the innocent black man named Jefferson who had the bad luck to be in a store when a white shopkeeper was killed has been falsely charged with robbery and murder, convicted, and sentenced to death. We know how events will turn out, just as the characters do, because inevitability is the central reality of the all-too-real fictional world Ernest J. Gaines creates in this spare and moving novel. But it’s not the central truth.

Silent Spring (1000 Books to Read)

Finished: April 15

I thought I should post this on the weekend of her birth.

She is the mother of the modern-day environmental movement. This is a dated book (most research was from the late 50s), but it is a classic. I am glad I read it. 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

More than four decades before Al Gore’s Oscar-winning documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring issued a chilling—and groundbreaking—warning about humanity’s careless contamination of our planet. Researched and written over four years, it examines the interdependence of species in nature and postulates a world in which chemical pesticides have not only upset that delicate balance, but wiped out entire species as well. Lyrically written, scientifically astute, and passionately argued, Silent Spring informed opinion and changed policy across the nation; it led to a ban on DDT and became a catalyst to the global environmental movement.

Wednesday Freewrite

I have not done a freewrite here since May 7th, and by some miracle, I have NO DIRECTEES or groups to lead this morning! I am FREE until I leave for teaching Pilates at OSU in about an hour. 

I have spent the morning catching up on my 2024 Book Reviews. I am about five books behind, but I know I am going to catch up now that I am dropping off all my "school year" commitments such as...

Renovare Book Club - Ended May 20

Soon to end:

Sustainable Faith Boller Cohort - May 29

Campfire for 2HC - May 30

OSU Pilates - June 7

2HC Spiritual Directee - June 14

ABC Supervision - June 25

2HC Final Retreat - June 29

All my pots will be empty for at least a month when 2HC starts up all over again on August 1.

I won't be doing a Supervision Group unless I decide to do one for Deepen. Since I will probably be doing the 19th and 18th Annotation Groups for the Boller Cohort, I probably will not do a supervision group. I really love working with people from spiritual direction training. They are so eager to grow! 

Also, our Seed Community will be closing, probably in September. We will have a monthly Zoom meeting. Mer will probably leave in December. Maddy in August. 

It is the end of an era, but I think I am totally fine with that. Things change and people move on. I am excited that most of the people in our little Seed Community have moved on to wonderful things.

In the meantime, we will be going to Mount Hermon to an OMS retreat. That will be so good. 

I have had a good morning just catching up on loose ends. I hope to finally get back to my EMDR course too.

The last few days were full because I had five hours of mother-in-law time while George trimmed back the blackberries at her place. Then I had an intense one-on-one on Sunday afternoon, followed by a discernment time in the Seed Community. I also had an intense Monday signing up for the Viking Cruise excursions. If they say it is included, then why was one of the SOLD OUT before the thing even opened. If you don't give us the excursion, what is your alternative?

Then, I had the Renovare Book Club. The next morning I had three supervision with people. That was a lot, but I really liked what came out of them! I love that group. They are such a wonderful group of quality people. Five new directors to bless the world and part of my life contribution of seeing a community of contemplatives in action lighting the world on fire! YAY! (See the picture above that I will post after I am done with this freewrite.) 

Right after the supervision, I went into back-to-back spiritual direction sessions with a spiritual director and a spiritual director in training. I had a two-hour break and was ready to meet with another long-time director, but she did not come, and I was able to rest the whole afternoon and evening! Whew. Now, I am up and at 'em!

I have lots of books I want to read. I was very behind on my posting about the 15 I have read, and I posted about half of them this morning! 

I will not be teaching Pilates at OSU this summer, but I plan on teaching on my own through my YouTube. I think. It should be an adventure to do so.

I really want to develop my Pilates/Praise and Meditation and Movement routines. I have much to learn in that area. 

Oh, and I also want to start my "Painting to Gogh" painting. I got the kit for four paintings about three weeks ago, but I have not had the time or energy to open it and start painting. I am afraid, but I need to get out of my comfort zone and just do it. It will be really great for me to do. 

So, I think my time is almost out. 

There we go!

Practice the Pause: Jesus' Contemplative Practice, New Brain Science, and What It Means to Be Fully Human

Finished: April 2, 2024

I think this is my favorite book of the year, so far. I have read reviews that she needed an editor. Maybe that is true, but she was driving home a point that bears repeating that as we PAUSE - RELEASE - RETURN to the Lord in an intentional practice like Centering Prayer, our brains are trained to do that in the nitty-gritty of life. 

I loved what she said about nature too, and the example that Jesus gave us on that front. 

I think her definition of metanoia is a little shaky as we are doing a turnaround from SIN often! It is ok to say that. But some more liberal theologians don't like to talk about sin. 

It adds the spiritual direction/formation dynamic that Life Model Works doesn't address as much (Although I have seen some PowerPoint slides by Jim Wilder where he talks about lectio divina, for the most part, Life Model Works ignores that contemplative practices have been around a LONG time. They just come at it from the brain science and left-brained conservative evangelical mindset.)

So, I liked it. I think about it often. I recommend it with the caveat about metanoia and her liberal bent. 

I just looked on her website, and there is a Study Guide to this book:

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b227c4831d4dffab830ed52/t/63f67c76866b924a346215e3/1677098102845/PracticeThePauseReflectionStudyGuide.pdf 

The Cloud of Unknowing (Carmen Acevedo Butcher Translation)

Finished: March 23

I saw this book was free for audible members. I grabbed it. I had the pleasure of taking a class from Butcher that covered The Cloud of Unknowing and The Practice of the Presence of God. I read The Cloud with the Renovare Book Club several years ago. Here is the review from 2019.

I loved her translation. It is so beautiful and had a new appreciation for this book that sent me on a journey of Centering Prayer. I talk a bit about that journey on YouTube and talk about The Cloud (and reference the woman who wrote about her struggle with this book): 

Writing this review reminds me that I want to get Carmen's book on The Practice of the Presence of God!

The class I took live is recorded and available here.

It is not the same as having her live, as she was so accessible to talk to and answer questions, but it was lovely. I really liked it! 

The Soul of Shame

Finished: March 7

I loved Curt Thompson's book Anatomy of the Soul, and several people have raved about this book. I think I do understand what shame is now. It was very insightful. 

See Amazon description:

The Gospel Coalition Top Books
Hearts Minds Bookstore's Best Books

Outreach Magazine's Resources of the Year We're all infected with a spiritual disease. Its name is shame. Whether we realize it or not, shame affects every aspect of our personal lives and vocational endeavors. It seeks to destroy our identity in Christ, replacing it with a damaged version of ourselves that results in unhealed pain and brokenness. But God is telling a different story for your life. Psychiatrist Curt Thompson unpacks the soul of shame, revealing its ubiquitous nature and neurobiological roots. He also provides the theological and practical tools necessary to dismantle shame, based on years of researching its damaging effects and counseling people to overcome those wounds. Thompson's expertise and compassion will help you identify your own pains and struggles and find freedom from the lifelong negative messages that bind you. Rewrite the story of your life and embrace healing and wholeness as you discover and defeat shame's insidious agenda.

Renovated (Reread)

Finished: February 29, 2024

First reading: May 2022 - See past review HERE. 

For some reason, Blogger is not letting me type below this picture. So there you go! I am typing above. 

In this reread, I took a class through Life Model Works, and it helped me understand it better (although the class was not as practical as the first LifeWorks class I took on The Other Half of Church). 

The whole concept of attachment is important to understand when it comes to growth and formation in Christ. I think this is a valuable book, and I realized that Sustainable Faith has added it to its second year of spiritual direction training. 

Faith Like a Child (Renovare Book Club)

Finished: February 27, 2024

This was the third book for the Renovare Book Club. I really enjoyed it. She talks about many aspects of what it means to approach God as a child. She also has so many books to recommend, and I got almost all of them from the library for my Renovare Book Club small group to look at.

I found the discussion to be very enjoyable, and PLAY was the thing that most of the women in the group had the hardest time with (except me - my dad taught me to play - I am very grateful). 

I liked it so much that I signed up for Lacy's class doing Spiritual Direction with children. I am looking for kids aged 4-14 to meet with for 8 hours for three months. It should be fun!

Here is a blurb on the book from Amazon:

Embrace the invitation of childlike faith. A well-known challenge of Jesus to his followers is to become like little children. But it's often difficult to remember the natural patterns of our childhood selves that enabled us to live freely in God's wonder-filled presence. Is childlike faith simply an unquestioning faith, or is it being present with ourselves in a way that invites healing and wholeness? Faith Like a Child considers Jesus' invitation to childlike faith and explores seven distinct ways of welcoming the child within. Offering wisdom from years of experience as a spiritual director with both adults and children, Lacy Finn Borgo explores practices to welcome and enliven your childhood self. Offering examples of what becoming like children could look like, Borgo invites you to take Jesus up on his offer to live more deeply into a relationship with God. As we welcome our childhood selves, we allow God to heal our wounds so we can live in freedom with Jesus as our companion.

Now I am only three months behind on my writing up reviews for my books. It has been a very BUSY winter and spring! (Fun though!) 

Tuesday Freewrite Fifteen

I am just sitting here after my Centering Prayer for the House of Prayer in East London. I have not been with that group for SO LONG! I just haven't had an afternoon free on a Tuesday for a while, and I cannot usually get home in time after I teach Pilates on Wednesdays and Fridays. So there you go. I got a big smile and wave. It was nice to be back.

I have two spiritual direction sessions and one Silent/Centering Prayer session this week. This is the quietest week I have had in a LONG time. For some reason. Everyone who asked to meet (but two) wanted to meet next week or the week after. It is a busy week for people, and not for me! YAHOO! One of my sessions was on Thursday, but I moved it to Tuesday, I moved it to today so I could do my annual 12-hour walk because it is supposed to be sunny all day! The high will be 80, and I am all for that! 

I will link last year's 12-hour walk to this post to understand what it is. I started out doing one a few weeks ago, but it was dashed because I ran into a friend who wanted to visit during my walk. So, I aborted it after 7 hours. :) It was fun.

The only change I will make is to have my phone and watch on. I want to take pictures, and that is not allowed in the 12-hour walk rules, but I won't go overboard with the pictures. I know that I am there to walk and ponder life. 

Today has been nice. I listened to my last podcast of the Renovare Book Club year. I also downloaded all the things I need for leading the group.

Now, I need to discern if I should take Lacy's last class. I was accepted into the last one, but I had to drop out because I could make the adjustments to my already busy spiritual direction schedule. I will have more time to "react" to it. Also, we ended up going to Southeast Asia. So, I would have missed more than one class. This one, I might have to miss two because of the Boller cohort, but I am sure it is fine with Marty and Sandy if I duck out from 7-9 which would be 10-12 Eastern time, and they might be able to have us break for "lunch" early if I tell them far enough ahead of time. I will talk to them about it and ask Lacy if I can forgo the fee for applying and also the application process since I was accepted last time with no problem.

I think I know who one of my directees would be too. I don't know about that other one, but I have an idea of who it might be.

I have five minutes. This year has been so good for me. I think the word DINE was perfect being my desire to look at overeating in a spiritual light. In that vein, I have been Immanuel Journaling, and with that has come the ability to stay on top of what I am feeling and journal through it with God. It is really related in many ways to listening and obeying from the book God Guides. Of course, God Guides is more for mission, but it is about understanding that God sees me, understands my feelings, and he wants to be with me.

This relates to the podcast and later webinar and the whole Parker Palmer concept of being "Functional Atheists." Many of us live the "without God" life rather than the "with God life" and don't even realize it. We are not THEISTS. God is not the divine "watchmaker" who creates us and lets us have at it in life. He is WITH US, He SEES, He KNOWS, He UNDERSTANDS, and He WANTS TO HELP.

Can I hear an AMEN to that! I really believe that I am more and more able to have the "with-God life." 

I have that song "I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS" song in my head. I will link it later. 

So, I need discernment about this Spiritual Direction with Children.

BYE 

Here is the link to that song:

The Long Walk (1000 Books to Read)

Finished: February 9

This is a harrowing account. It was an incredible journey!

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

Since its publication at the height of the Cold War, Slavomir Rawicz’s account of his 1941 mid-blizzard escape from a Soviet labor camp in Siberia with six fellow prisoners has won legions of devoted readers. Although the veracity of the tale has been called into question based on recently released Soviet records and internal inconsistencies in the book itself (to say nothing of the party’s sighting of a pair of Yeti), Rawicz’s narrative remains an inspiring and unforgettable reading experience. Whether truth, fiction, or a little of both, The Long Walk is bound to be among the most amazing, heroic, and compelling stories you’ll ever read.

The Great Divorce (Renovare Book Club)

Finished: January 9 

I must admit, I read this "on the go" while traipsing through Singapore and Malaysia in early January, enjoying a Singapore Sling, fellowshiping with good friends of 40+ years, and practicing my 25-year-old "rusty" Malay. 

So, it was not a totally focused time to read this short but profound book. I liked it. How can you not like anything C.S. Lewis writes? But I must return to it and all the tremendous Renovare Book Club resources. 

I had planned to do this the weekend I returned from Malaysia/Singapore in preparation for leading a discussion on it the following Monday, but I was given the gift of COVID-19, and they soldiered on without me leading and without me taking a deeper dive.

I hope to return to the Renovare resources soon. 

The gist of the book: 

C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce is a classic Christian allegorical tale about a bus ride from hell to heaven. An extraordinary meditation upon good and evil, grace and judgment, Lewis’s revolutionary idea in the The Great Divorce is that the gates of Hell are locked from the inside. Using his extraordinary descriptive powers, Lewis’ The Great Divorce will change the way we think about good and evil. (From Goodreads)

Renovare Book Club Ponderings:

I love all the extra things they give you: podcasts, articles, webinars, articles. I love reading books I would not ordinarily pick up and read. I HIGHLY recommend it for ongoing growth and spiritual formation. 

Leading a group is a lot more work. But if this book is any indication, if I don't lead it, I don't dig as deeply! 

I had thought about not leading this book club as I will be going into my ninth year. I didn't have a formal group during the 2016-2017 year, but I did meet with one other woman. This required travel to Newberg. The next year, I put it out to two women in the Book Babes that summer for the 2017-2018 year, and the local Corvallis Chapter of the Renovare Book Club was born! We have had up to nine people. People come and go, but there is now a core group of seven. 

I think I need to keep leading, and I seem to have been able to carve out time to prepare, even though it can be time-consuming, and the Lord knows, I am leading enough groups! 

So, I think I will go another year. For the most part, I really liked all the books we read this year. I think The Eternal Promise has been my favorite. (I am finally getting to writing this review four months after finishing reading it.) 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

I had to set my Alexa timer twice because she heard me say 50 minutes instead of 15. So, here I go.

I know I have not been doing as many freewrites because of my "first thing in the morning" daily Morning Pages. That is three notebook-size paper pages every morning first thing (or at least after I make my chai). That has been so helpful for me. But my freewrite habit (I think it has been between 20 and 25 years since I have been freewriting) has not been as consistent. Basically Morning Pages are a freewrite on steroids. :) It usually takes me about 35-40 minutes. Since I finished the book that Julia Cameron has on the market, I decided to save trees by writing my Morning Pages on my Kindle Scribe (have I ever written how much I LOVE that thing - I find it much easier to write on than the ReMarkable - I got the ReMarkable - twice as much money - but it just didn't write like paper. So George got me a Scribe for Christmas, and I find it much more like writing on paper). I do six pages on that thing which is about 90 words less than three notebook-sized pages. 

I am excited because there is someone I have been in meetings with, and God laid on my heart to pray some specific things for that person.  I was in another meeting with them, and they said God had spoken to them two days prior about the exact thing I had been praying about. How is that for an awesome God? I love how he always connects the dots for us. Continuing to pray for them. They are uber-capable and talented. They are just young.

I had my Campfire yesterday, and I was a bit embarrassed by all the affirmation I got from people in the group. I was not sure how to respond. They were very sweet affirmations, and I am very grateful for it. It was just embarrassing, and I wanted to move on. They are such a special group. I really love them all.

I also really love all the directees I am meeting with this year. Some are temporary because they are just meeting with me while they are in training for direction, in the 2HC, doing the Exercises, or taking the Primer for Spiritual Formation with Sustainable Faith (which I have heard is excellent, by the way. Sustainable Faith really has so much to offer. I will link it after this freewrite).

I also really like the people I "collaborate" with these days. I always get to the collaboration station in the 2nd Half Collaborative and think "I am not collaborating with anybody." Then I start thinking more deeply about it, and I am! One is with the 2nd Half Collaborative! LOL! I am not part of the leadership team, but that is OK. I am just leading a Campfire group, doing direction with one of the participants, and helping out with the three retreats, but that is OK that I am not invited to collaborate with the leadership. I like what I do.

I also love collaborating with Marty and Sandy in this Sustainable Faith Training Cohort. I will not continue with Sustainable Faith after this (there was a miscommunication, and they are not taking on new trainers), but I am grateful for the experience of collaborating with them with this great group of 13 future spiritual directors. They are a fabulous group of people from all walks of life. I feel so privileged to be a part of (which reminds me - I need to do the affirmations and send them back to Marty - I wonder when the deadline is - I am not good at taking in mail and doing something about it - I don't even know where those cards are - hopeless - one of my directees - who is also a spiritual director said, "Carol, I am not good at all the administration stuff that comes with spiritual direction, but I think I am better than you." LOL! It is so true, and it does not hurt my feelings to have her say that, at all.)

Today is pretty open. Because of my back, I had to reschedule a directee for today at 2 pm, but I don't have anything until I go to teach my Pilates class at 10:30. I will stay for Cardio Dance and get back at 1:30 in time to shower for my directee appointment. Then, if I am still up for it, I will go for a walk with a friend who is struggling. Then, it is a FREE FAMILY WEEKEND. Michael is coming home. We may do sushi as we all love that.

It should be 15 minutes by now, but I will keep typing. OH, THERE IT IS. It is so weird how I know when 15 minutes is up. 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Back in the Pilates Saddle 

Whew! What a whirlwind week it has been. Busier than usual, but manageable. This is the first day that I don't have something early in the morning. So, I am taking time to do a Friday Freewrite Fifteen. Since I journal these "Morning Pages," it has not happened as much, and I see that I attempted one the end of March, but I never finished.

I miss these, but the "Morning Pages" have been really good, and I will finish them on Sunday morning! 252 pages of journaling since January 1st, three pages a day (but sometimes I did not do three). It took me 30-40 minutes each day, and I really loved it. There really is something about journaling that helps. It is brain science. 

I realized that Christmas to Easter was full, and now I can breathe. I was not overly busy, but it was full because Joanne, Micah, and Bri were back, alumni weekend, going to Southeast Asia, getting COVID, guiding two people through the Exercises, helping with Marty and Sandy's Cohort 8. All very good things, but I see the horizon ahead has much less in my schedule, and for that, I am very grateful.

I am doing well with the Lord. Hey, I should schedule something with Fran. I was not always good to meet with her. I think I met with her nine times in 2023. So, that isn't too bad (every six weeks or so), but I want to meet with her every month. Part of it is all the traveling she has done, and I also meet periodically with Cammie and Sister Joan. So that plays into it. Sister Joan was so excited that I came to visit her last time, and I really want to go again and visit her. 

I think I will visit a spiritual director when I am in the Trappist Abbey too. I have already paid for two nights June 10-12, and I am going to just book it every three months if I can (except the December time away because I do my Day of Prayer with Teala, and it is too muddy to hike up the hills there - I went there in January once and came back covered in mud after a hike. I suppose I could not hike, but it is easier to just walk around here and do my traditional walk around the Oregon State University campus. 

By the way, I am so glad I am "back in the Pilates Saddle"! It has been so good to move my body more by riding my bike there and back and doing a full 50 minutes of exercise that I usually skimp on because I do that when I do it by myself! 

I unsure if I can teach in the summer though. We are on a trip from July 6 to July 20. Then it is my anniversary and birthday week the 21st and 27th. So, we will see. I wish I could just job share with Sarah. Maybe I will approach her about that because the fall might be crazy if we decide to go to Amsterdam and possibly Spain for more of the Camino! We will see!

Oh, what a great day it is going to be. Oh, by the way, I have lost about 20 pounds. I have been recording for 84 days now! I have only had a few days that I have gone over my goal. So, it has been about 20. I am unsure where I started pounds-wise because I did not want to go by the scale. I want to feel where my body is at because the other way I don't feel when I am gaining weight. My clothes always fit. That is what happens when you are tall. I don't notice when I gain. And for sure, others don't notice when I lose. Most people don't notice until it is 30 pounds, and I don't need to lose that much. We will see. I am just waiting to see how comfortable my hiking pants and fancy black dress are on me.

TTFN and TGIF! 

Freewrite Friday: Contemplating JOY

From: https://www.sparklesofsunshine.com/beauty-for-ashes-free-printable/

I went into a Centering Prayer time with Meditation Chapel this morning for a 25-minute sit. I want to sit twice a day this spring. I don't want to be legalistic about it, but I am reading this book, Practicing the Pause: Jesus Contemplative Practice, New Brain Science, and What it Means to be Fully Human, and reading about her excellent explanations of brain Science combined with contemplative practices and how this relates to Centering Prayer and Thomas Keating's explanation of "Emotional Programs for Happiness" are pretty concise and brilliant. I am also combining it with what I have been learning from Michael Sullivant in the course I took last summer called The Other Half of Church and the current one I am almost done with going through the book Renovated. Then thinking about Michael talking about how our amygdala leaks joy from past trauma and even current things happening. That's why the "Activating Joy" exercise has been so powerful with people and myself. I think this overlaps with the "Golden Moments" that he purports, but the Life Model Works people don't really know about Contemplative Practices that much and how people have been doing these things for centuries. 

I am still figuring that all out, but today, my mind did wander during Centering Prayer (I let go of the thought, but I am coming back to it now in this freewrite), and this verse came to mind:

He gives beauty for ashes

The oil of JOY for mourning

A garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness

That we might be trees of righteousness

A planting for the Lord

That He might be glorified. 

(I am more going by the words of the song from the 70s - I will look up the actual verse after this freewrite.) 

Here is the actual verse in the NIV that is closest to the song above:

    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. (Isaiah 61:3)

I am thinking about the "Activating Joy" exercise, and how many of my joyful moments and "Golden Memories" were encounters with BEAUTY. There is something about seeing a sunset, looking out over a lake, or seeing the moon on the water that brings me into raptures of JOY.

I think about the OIL OF JOY for mourning and think about how Michael talks about how our amygdala "leaks joy" and how we can pour joy into it by recalling memories of joy.

Then at the end of the time of Centering, she read this Mary Oliver poem (the beginning is commentary from the blog I found it on that I will link after I am done with this freewrite.):

In this one, the poet seems to acknowledge that it is often hard to simply live in and enjoy the moment, perhaps because we are afraid it can't last. She urges us to give in to that moment and fully experience the joy. Although "much can never be redeemed, still, life has some possibility left."

Don't Hesitate

by Mary Oliver

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

From this blog: https://www.thenatureofthings.blog/2021/09/poetry-sunday-dont-hesitate-by-mary.html

It is about living into the joy of the present moment, giving into it, and I think that this is valid and goes with the brain science and how God wired us. He wants to give us joy. 

It also relates to the Order of the Mustard Seed Prayer Watch I was just in, and how we talked about Sabbath, and how the Pharisees condemned Jesus, and I think there was joy in His life that they wanted to squelch and squeeze out.

I am done and must get up! 

BYE.

Freewrite Friday

I know I put this quote at the beginning of my last Freewrite, but I put it in "Quote Fancy," and I like this picture that I could download. 

Being a reservoir is so important! This week was a good reservoir week for me. I had a lot less outpouring. There has been a lot of outpouring lately. Still have lots of good, rich time with God, but this week, I had even more because my load of directees was low, and I had no groups to lead or teaching groups to do. 

It was lovely. I spent time dreaming about our vacation in July. I taught the Instinctual Variants last week twice, and I think it is very good because I always evaluate how much my Social Instinct is "running wild." I don't think I had run wild to a neurotic degree, but I have had lots of social, and the last "social" was hosting J's sharing about her time in Iraq. It was many hours of preparation and hosting from 3-8. I was tired on Monday, and it was just the conclusion of a very long string of things that were more social in nature. It was very rich and wonderful but social, nonetheless.

I was so glad to have the whole week to recover including not going to Perspectives to hear someone speak whom I know. I just was still recovering, and I had gone to NWHill to support S as they had International Women's Day. So, that was about all I was going to do socially this week. So, I spent more time in my Sexual instinct this week dreaming of our vacation. It was really healthy for me to get out of my "work" on the computer. There are many projects that I see in the future

• Preparing my Body and Soul Spiritual Formation and Direction Training Curriculum
• Updating the "Enneagram and Presence" PowerPoints and accompanying handouts.
• Preparing to lead my next Supervision Group
• Finding the Enneagram/MBTI Correlation Handout

However, I felt it was important not to work more than meeting with the directees I had (1-2 a day) and planning the excursions we would take while we are on our 12-day trip. There was one trip - I cannot remember which one - where I had no time to dream and plan beforehand (maybe the North Cascades?).

I also had fun watching the OSU/Colorado Women's Basketball game yesterday that went into double overtime! Very exciting, and I didn't get too nervous.

So, today, I am going to bike to work, teach Pilates, go to Cardio Dance, and come back for a very quiet weekend. I will do art with George on Saturday morning, church on Sunday morning, and group on Sunday afternoon (with the possibility of watching the Oscars if group does not meet).

So, there you go. I have 1:57 to go on the timer. Then I will go to more planning, I think. 

I have a nice day planned. Oh, I also got in to see Dr. Myers this week, and I was late to cancel with Dr. Weigel, but he graciously forgave that. That was such a nice blessing!

Well, TTFN. TGIF!

Freewrite

Here I go for fifteen minutes. I did not do the fifteen-minute freewrite Friday as I thought. And I totally missed this last Friday. So, I am doing it on Monday. 

Now that I am doing Morning Pages (The Artist's Way practice of three notebook-sized pages, handwritten, first thing in the morning), I don't do as many freewrites here, but I am still wanting to do it on Friday. I like typing. It is somehow very soothing for me.

This morning was good. I had Morning Pages, and the theme was about abundance. The whole thought is that God supplies an abundance for all. 

I thought about the verse. I think it is Psalm 66:12: "We went through fire and through water, but you have brought us out to a place of abundance." Another version says "well-watered place" which goes along with the whole theme of this blog that I have had for so many years. The "Well-Watered Soul." That is what I want. It also goes along with all the videos that Nancy has sent me over the years of the spring behind her house that is always pouring out water, even in the heat of summer. It never dries up, and that is our God. She calls it "Carol's spring," but it is God's spring that He has me tapping into. It is all good.

So, the theme of morning pages was about pouring out for the benefit of others and pouring out for the benefit of your own soul, and it makes me think of that Clairvaux quote. I will put it at the top of this whole freewrite. It is about being a RESERVOIR versus being a CHANNEL. Thankful to fill the reservoir from that ever-flowing stream these days.

After morning pages and meditation in Psalm 66:12, I got the house all ready for Valentina and Pieter. That took some time. I hoped to have some Centering Prayer time with my directee, but I did it with her because she had never done it before. 

Interesting that the women that I supervise through this one particular spiritual direction training program were NEVER exposed to Centering Prayer. So sad. It is so helpful, and the women I supervise are eating it up. :)

So, here I am with you God. After I had time with my directee (making a decision about whether she should join a team or not), I got out of the house with the 49 minutes of sunshine that I was supposed to have until the third wave of rain came in. I went to the bank to deposit two checks, and it said my card had expired, but I got nothing in the mail. They discontinued my card because I had not used it for 10 months! She said that I had to use it once a month, but I know that it is NOT right. So, after her telling me about four times that it was once a month, I said, "Are you sure?" She asked her colleague, and he said, "It is every 10-11 months." So, there you go. I knew she was wrong, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was wrong. So, I just have to remember to use it. I use my debit card sparingly. And George gets us cash all the time, or my directees who pay me in cash keep me in cash. I prefer to use my credit card and earn miles. So, anyway. I got a new card right there on the spot.

Then I walked to Joanne's Fabrics and got a beginning acrylic paint kit. I had signed up for this class online, and it was discounted at 90% off, but then there were all these things you had to buy to do the class, and I thought, "Forget this - it is too complicated and a lot more expensive." I just want to do a weekly "artist's date" (part of the morning pages requirement). So, I thought that class would help, but it stressed me out. So, I asked for a refund and got it right away. 

So, now I have 10 sheets of paper, pains, and a beginner's guide for 8.99! I also could use my new card which is a tap card! So, that was really fun for me.

So, now the sun has come out again, and I might talk George into taking me on a date because it was a busy morning.

I also had K drop by to pick up a book, and Geo had taken it away from our porch thinking someone had dropped off a book. Why didn't he ask me? He does so much by his "gut" and can never explain his logic to me. It has helped me to understand that about a Type Nine!

Buzzer ringing! Bye.

Coming Away from Centering Prayer: Freewrite Fifteen

I will no doubt have another freewrite tomorrow, but I thought I would write for about 15 minutes on my day in Centering Prayer. I decided to have three 20-minute sits, and it has been so settling, so unbelievably good.

I don't know the ins and outs of that, but I think God delights when I pause and practice His presence. I find Centering Prayer a good way for me to do that. Touch points throughout the day to say, "Hi God, I want to look at you. I want to set aside to gaze at you in all Your beauty and glory." 

I cannot say I will do that tomorrow, but today, it was the thing I was led to do, and there is fruit from it. 

The "With God" life. His "presence is the point" as John would say. I'm hungry for it. 

I didn't stay for the first sit discussion. I just sat with many people in one of the Meditation Chapel rooms. It was lovely. Then I sat again and stayed for the discussion afterward. That was nice. Then, there is my OMS group that I help lead, but I was not leading today. Francesca read such a nice poem. 

So, Lent begins. Maybe I will give up other things to have more times like today. Sitting in God's presence. It doesn't mean that there won't be action from that contemplation. I met with a woman for the first time today, even though I have known her for about 12 years. It just worked out for us to meet one-on-one for spiritual direction. It was lovely. Then I meet with another I have been meeting with for the last eight months or so. I go into it with a stillness of heart, a steady understanding of the "with me/presence" that is centered in the soul rather than just in my head. That is nice. 

I've talked a lot about this practice in the last week. Meeting with experienced people for direction and supervision, two of the women were not introduced to it in their spiritual direction training. I wonder why? It was the first thing we were introduced to in mine. Thank you, Marty and Sandy - Contemplative Activists. Great trainers. Highly recommend them!

One said, it was after she left the people who did her training that she learned about it, and it has been life-changing for her. The other had never even heard of it, and we had a lovely talk about that. Both sponges! I love spongy people (I don't think that is a word, but I am going with it because this is just a freewrite). 

So, I like this long adventure of Centering Prayer that started in 2018 in earnest (having dabbled for quite some time). COVID helped as I found a group that could mentor me in the practice. So grateful. I have made some lovely friends in the process. Again, so grateful. 

So, there is my little diddy on Centering Prayer. Just felt like writing about it since I just came out of a sit with the wonderful OMS people! Love all the people I am with these days. Truly a gift. 

TTFN. 

FRIDAY FIFTEEN FREEWRITE

Alexa is set for fifteen minutes. This will be the third Friday in a row I am doing a Freewrite. WOOHOO!

Wow! What a week. I finally was able to be adjusted to the Pacific time zone. Just in time for my talk to spiritual directors in training about the Enneagram. I think it went well. I know that I feel like I was well-prepared, rested, and walking with Him through it. 

I tried to emphasize that it is not about knowing a number. It is about understanding your core fears that motivate you to alleviate that core fear, and how that can keep us from hearing God's voice and being with him and in His presence. 

It is about practicing the "pause" where we can S.T.O.P. and "See - Triggers - Open to - Presence." That is Clare Loughriges acronym, and I think it is really helpful. It is about "catching yourself in the acts" as my instructor, Russ Hudson, says!

So, I passed that on to one of my directees. I made a handout that explains this, along with breath prayers, and alliterative affirmations that help you step into your harmony of heart, head, and body. 

I think it was well-received, and the person who I thought maybe would be super skeptical gave me such a nice affirmation at the end. Totally unexpected and unsolicited. And more importantly: I didn't need it! I knew that I did what God had for me to do, and He is my audience of One. So, I am really grateful.

I am also grateful that it is done. I put a lot of time into it, and I am glad I will have it for my group when I start my own training. 

I also decided to take on another day of teaching. Teaching for Faculty Staff Fitness is SO MUCH less stressful. I don't have any outside work other than going to teach the class. I also can take fitness classes, and if I add another day, I can go to a weightlifting class that is not offered on the other day I teach. So, it will get me into better shape. I am so grateful.

I am also surprisingly enjoying leading the Order of the Mustard Seed Prayer Watch on Fridays. It doesn't seem like too much. I was going to do an Imaginative Contemplation in Jesus Healing the Demoniac, but at the last minute, I decided to change to Jesus' teaching about abiding in the Upper Room. That was really nice. It was so nice because one of the newer ladies came on early and was so glad it was just her because she wanted to thank me for Fridays and was really loving it. 

Again, nice to hear, but I didn't need to it. It is so great to become free of the approval of people. 

So, I actually finished a book today. So glad I have some actual bandwidth to read. 

Now, we are going out with M and her Mom since she is visiting. Middle Eastern food. YUM! It should be nice, but I have to go and decide what to wear! I took a shower after teaching and put my pajamas on. 

This weekend, all I have on the schedule is talking to Miss Debbie B at 10 am! This should be fun because we have not talked since before Christmas (I think). 

So much has happened since then. Next week is only two directees a day and no preparing for speaking. What on earth will I do with my time? LOL!

Well, off to Middle Eastern food. They make the best HUMMUS in town

Oh, and we are going to a Superbowl Party. WOOHOO! I love the people we are involved with. It is just a great group of people. They go all over the world, but they just happen to almost all be here for the Superbowl. Actually, next week, they will ALL be here because John and Katherine are coming up, and we are all having FAMILY TIME! I cannot wait. Love these people with all my heart.

TTFN!