Monday Morning Freewrite

23:1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.    He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

I am lying down (or is it lay) in those green pastures. Clearing many things off my plate this  August, and I am so grateful to have extra time that I usually do not have. I have been able to concentrate more on my health, and that has been so good. (My health is good, but half the pounds I lost in 2013 crept back on from the back injury at the Santa Barbara residency, two broken toes, sitting and doing Renovare reading and writing and lectures, falling while fishing in December, stress eating from too busy a schedule, and France.)  

As I walk and rest, you are restoring my soul, Lord. I know, for me, my body must be part of that soul restoration. I need to walk along quiet places. I have LOVED having one on one time (or two on one or two on two when George is home, and we have singles/couples over). I so missed that last year. It is more life-giving to me than anything. If I don't do a Kingdom Community, I would like to meet this way with people all year.  Restoration of my soul. Thank you.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Admittedly, I fear someone right now. You are with me. Leading me to meditate in the Psalms while I face this newest challenge with a difficult person in my class has been so good. Your character reminds me that I am not alone.  

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

I am so grateful that you are with me in any and every trial, every and any ministry challenge, every and any heartache. I believe in your goodness and mercy. 

Thank you for letting me dwell with you all the days of my life.

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

What a great week.

M & C were visiting from Pittsburgh so they came for brunch on Sunday. That was fun.

I taught my class on Monday, and the problem student was gone AGAIN! The class is so much easier to teach without her interruptions. I had also taught one on Sunday night with Squishy balls that had a younger crowd so I could really challenge them.

I had a long talk with my boss, and she was very supportive. So I am going to wait and see if this student returns or not. She did not come on Wednesday either. I just have zero tolerance for bullies. 

I ran over to meet with P who is part of a pregnancy resource center that wants to know how to better serve the OSU campus. That was a fun two hour conversation. She is a delightful person. 

Then, a woman who is going overseas came and told me her story since we last met up about three years ago. Wow! So much has happened. It was a very long story and took 5 1/2 hours to tell. I was exhausted afterward (yes, I an introvert, but you would not know it until afterwards when I crash from all the people contact). 

At the end of my time with this woman, Nan called me quite upset because someone in our community drowned, but she could not release the name. Prayers. Now we know who it is, and the community is reeling. I did not know him, but we have 48 mutual friends. So, he is close to those I am close to. 

Tuesday I met with people for my new job. I am required to meet with the directors, and there are eleven! I also had a 68 question "test" to learn about the facility, and the nice front desk guy helped me and the service desk director. I can see the advantage of doing this because I get to know the people that I am working with. Again, my boss was so nice to me and very supportive of my stuff with this new class.

After this, I picked Paul up from his impressions for his new retainer and took him to work afterward. I went to the library and the store.  I came home and got caught up on a lot of home things. I love more days at home. 

Wednesday she was not there AGAIN! I did a rolling class, and it was great. I was supposed to meet with someone for listening, but she had to postpone. 

Thursday was reading my book club book and meeting with more directors. George came home.

Also, I got this new Apple Watch, and I love its features. I have learned something: I am in the "athlete" category for my aerobic fitness. I knew I was in pretty good shape aerobically, but my resting heart rate that the Apple Watch reads regularly is BELOW the average for even an "athlete" category for a 20 something. Go figure. I certainly did not feel that way when I was hiking up Cascade Head with those 23-30 year old people on June 9th! I think it was because I had pulled my glute muscle the day before though. All that said, I am really happy with my watch, and WALKING really does keep one cardiovascularly fit! I have a hard time getting my heart rate up to my training zone unless I run. I am going to try biking today to test how high it gets. 

All that to say that when I was running on one day this week, my knee did this funny thing. I think it was latent from me pulling my glute in July. Neurologically, it sort of "gave out" on the back side of my knee. So I had to stop running. Then, later that day, I fell down the stairs! So, now my whole left side is a mess. My back hurts now. So I am going to see Dr. Myers at 2:45. So I might have to take a rest day from my experiments with my Apple Watch (I feel like "Get Smart" talking on my watch).  By the way, I love that it makes you stand and walk around for one minute every hour. HUGE help for me who gets so focused on things.

One last thing about health, I am taking August to adjust some bad eating habits that I have been slipping into, and I am on Day 3 and going strong. I am recording on Lose It! again, and I love that community there. I also quit all the sitting and writing papers for good by dropping out of the RI. It was the BEST decision for me. 

I am over my freewrite fifteen by four minutes. BYE! No proofreading. Just pressing. 

27. Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende

This is the August book for my Book Babes Book Club that I have more recently been able to rejoin because we do not have our ministry training on Thursday nights anymore. I learned a lot about the California Gold Rush, and that was really interesting. I also think that she is a very good writer, but I wasn't overly wild about the story. I seemed like characters were in and out so quickly that one never got attached to them like I think the author would have liked me to. It was just an OK story. Not bad but not great. 

Sunday Morning Freewrite

I live a very happy life. The last week has been so lovely. I guess I can go back to a great Anniversary on the 21st. We hiked Basket Slough National Wildlife Refuge, went for lunch in McMinnville (It was supposed to be a French feast, but the person who said they had an opening and recorded our reservation must have been new because we got there only to find that they are closed for lunch on Saturdays). Then we saw Mama Mia: Here We Go Again, any excuse to see Colin Firth in a movie is a good one. 

The week was good with a visit from one of our Kingdom Community grads who has been in Central Asia for two years. There was such soul-touching stuff. We love him so much. 

Monday I did a freewrite and talked about this class I teach. The same student did some over-the-top things that made me realize that this is not a class I want to continue to teach. I will no longer be disrespected by someone. I am done. So I wrote a good letter, but I have not heard back. I would like to be a long-term sub for classes there. We will see. 

After this negative experience, Nancy took me out for an early birthday lunch. It was lovely, and I am realizing I do best with face-to-face time on almost a daily basis. I love one on one time with people, and that is something that I did not get as much of when I was busy with the Renovaré Institute. I loved the Institute, but it is just not "my jam" for growth. I did write a letter to my small group, and the responses have been so lovely and gracious. I think I made a very good decision. So many of them do not have the option for deep face-to-face community, but I have it in spades here in Corvallis. I realize from the Institute how truly blessed I am in every way. 

The rest of the day was spent setting up my remote desktop for my new job. The IT guy was so great. I am grateful for all the positive people in my life. I do not want the negativity of the person in the class I am teaching. 

Tuesday was not a very productive day. I had a free day, but I did not use the time very wisely, and I am not sure why. I just had no motivation or energy. I also did not have many goals. You see, I am not used to having free days! I had one for the first time last Friday, and I was a machine, getting so many projects done that I had put off for months. Tuesday came, and I had not really thought through what I wanted to do. I did read a bit though, and that is good. I just needed to be more active, but it was hot. I did not walk before it got hot. So that was my big mistake.

Wednesday was delightful in class because the lady was NOT there. I still don't think that this is the best environment for me though. I just don't feel comfortable there. I cannot put my finger on it. The lady is obvious, but the rest is more subtle. After class, I changed, ate lunch and did Dial a Book. All my patrons but one was there and wanted to talk. So it took me much longer than usual, almost two hours! After this, I went to see Mindy. I had not gotten together with her for months. One on one talking is my thing. I must remember that! Face-to-face talking. I so look forward to doing that again. I think I read on Wednesday night.

Thursday was a very fun day. It was free. I Skyped with Elizabeth and was supposed to Skype with Fran, but her husband was being wheeled into surgery. Liver cancer. Not good. I had something else that did not pan out, but I cannot remember, but I had a back up. I listened to Les Miserables and cleaned the fridge! I also read my book club book. I also did some communication with everyone I needed to talk to.  On Thursday night, George came home, and we had a late family birthday dinner at Eat and Treats. I love my family. I love our harmony and all the laughter. 

Friday was my FUN birthday - Up early for time with God (that is a given), biked to breakfast with my BFF, Kim, biked back and tried to look at an iPhone but T-Mobile was so busy. Then George and I went together to buy my present: Apple Watch at the Simply Mac store and an iPhone at T-Mobile. I would have loved to keep my old iPhone, but it just would not hold its charge, and the guy did diagnostic and said that even a new battery was not going to help me. So I wish I had done this BEFORE France because I think it would have helped in picking up their network, but I digress. Anywho. Then we drove up to Portland for a good French dinner (the manager was a little snooty but our waiter was very nice) and a 2 1/2 hour sunset boat ride in a 1939 Christ Craft boat with George's friend, Seth, down the Willamette River from the Portland Rowing Club in Sellwood to the Steel bridge and back.  There was even a blood moon. HEAVEN! We drove back late and listen to Les Miserables. 

Saturday - we walked and talked and George did yard work. I puttered at home while the boys and George shopped. Then we were at Elise and Isaiah wedding from 3:30-10:00. :) 

Sweet week! 

Monday Morning Freewrite

I am here for another freewrite. I woke up this morning. I did not look at the clock thinking it was much later. I thought I might fall back asleep, but I did not and got up and noticed the clock said 3 am! I do love my early mornings though. The candle is burning, and I am at peace.

I only have two things that were hard this month. One is that the jury is still out whether I am the right fit for this Pilates class I am teaching. I have a wide range of ages, and I taught the exercises slowly in order for them to learn correct form, but that was too slow for some in the class who are younger. When I teach 20 somethings at OSU, I start slow too, but they know that we will progress. By the end, I am very fast-paced with fun and upbeat music. I cannot do upbeat music because people there are hard of hearing and do not like the music too loud.  (One lady being very vocal and critical which does not make for a fun teaching experience.) When you have an open class, there are always new people. I have decided to teach a bit more quickly this week. I am just not sure this is a club that advocates proper Pilates technique. Courthouse Fitness is all about technique, and they only teach classical Pilates. As far as I can tell, I am the only person who teaches classical at this club, and it is obvious the people there are not used to it. I don't want to change a culture. I might just ask if I can sub there and not teach the regular class because I am not sure the people there are ready for such a change. It is not bringing me much joy, and I dread teaching it. I am usually OK at the end, but it is not something I look forward to like my OSU classes.

The other thing was something that got resolved, but it regards someone who pretty much ignored me on their most recent visit. I expressed some disappointment, and there was flat denial. "Of course, you are a good friend!" I took that for what it was worth, but actions speak louder than words. I readjusted to the new enlightened observations about our friendship and let it go, but it did not help that that person talked to others about my expression of disappointment when I thought it was a private conversation. 

Here is the deal: I am blessed with many good friends. So I know that I do not need to be greedy about having more. I am content with the good friendships I have, and I released that person of any expectations in the future. The truth is that I had very little time for that person while they were here, and that time was filled with the friends who initiated with me prior to coming and made me a priority on their visit to Oregon. I went deep with a few, and my cup overflows as a result. So I am good. It was just rocky for about 20 hours with a pretty sleepless night after hearing that person had talk to others. I had to let that go, and I did. I am moving on in light of the new information. You know better. You do better.

When you think about it, only two things difficult in the last month makes for a pretty good month! It is just that the Pilates thing is something I am going to have to come to some kind of resolution with as I don't HAVE to teach anything. I don't need the money. I would love the extra time. Thinking about being a sub in that class might be a better option. 

Saturday Morning Freewrite

Every morning, I recall the previous day in the Prayer of Examen developed by Ignatius of Loyola. So, I thought I would write about my day here instead.

Yesterday, I woke up at 4:40. I thought it would be a good day to fast. I was to do it for the July Praxis Exercise for Renovaré Institute, but I only did 3/4ths of a day, but yesterday I had a FULL FREE FRIDAY. Actually, I am doing a FULL FRIDAY TO FRENCH FEAST FAST because:

1) I love alliterations (everyone knows that about me)
2) I find that I enjoy food SO much more if I have fasted prior to it. The flavors usually pop! So, today is my anniversary, and we are going to Bistro Maison, a French restaurant in McMinnville! 

Yesterday turned out to be a FUN day with God. I didn't necessarily sit and journal and pray the whole day (but I did for much of the morning, but that is what I do every morning). I walked and prayed and also tidied up the house (master closet mess, kitchen, clothing drawers). 

I need to have HOME days at least once a week. I had a few HOME days in early July, but they were taken up with my Women's Fitness Specialist Exam (59/60 by the way) and my Academic and Praxis papers for the Renovaré Institute and were not TOTALLY free days because there was always SOMETHING I hadto do. Yesterday was nothing! Absolutely nothing, and that was so good for my soul. I really am an introvert, and a very responsible, Type II Helper. So, I NEED recharging days totally alone where no one is calling on me for help or counting on me to get something done. (I did CHOSE to call Claire about next year's TOAG and Elizabeth afterward to follow up on the convo, but it was my choice.) 

I pressed the button on Wednesday night for my last Renovaré Institute obligation, and I did a happy dance. The assignments hung over me. It was not necessarily that I didn't like writing papers, but it came to a point where I realized I did not need to be doing papers for what I am already doing and practicing in my life. I see they are a nice accountability tool, but it was not what I wanted or needed to be doing with my limited time. It was always there in the background of what I "should" be doing and too much like having school rather than a something beneficial for my spiritual development. Ack!

So, I pressed the button and let go of the Renovaré Institute. Did I like it? YES! I loved the people who lead it. I loved many of the people who were in my cohort, but it is an online community with face-to-face contact 26 days out of 2 years of the Institute. I want to do life with others on a daily basis rather than online.  It was also mostly review (other than it leading me to the Spiritual Exercises). 

Anywho, after wonderful time with God, I listened to Just Call Me Lopez (see my review) as I puttered around the house and did things I have been putting off for months! FREEDOM to be home and enjoy home. I am so grateful for home! I MOVED all day (another thing that I did not like about the RI - lots of sitting and typing on discussion boards, writing papers, and reading so many books - sit, sit, sit.)

It has been a CLOSURE month on so many things:

1) TEETH TWISTS AND TURNS - 15 year journey through jaw surgery, bone grafts, teeth extractions, implants, and final prosthetic dentistry leading to beautiful smiles for both of our kids.

2) WOMEN's FITNESS SPECIALIST course for NASM

3) ADVANCED PILATES course for Power Pilates

4) TAC TEACHING finally started (process started in December)

5) RENOVARE INSTITUTE YEAR ONE DONE - I did not have to write the final papers for this course since I am stepping out, but I wanted to finish well. So this included Academic and Praxis papers with bibliographies totaling 20 pages, a three page Curriculum for Christlikeness, and a three page Project Prospectus (which I actually carried out in #6). 

I am so proud because I told my spiritual director I probably had another 40 hours of work on my papers, and she encouraged me to curtail that. So, I only spent 20 finishing them up. It helped that I had written the praxis paper as I did the praxis exercises during the Residency and after each monthly assignment. I also entered the references into my word processor as I read them through the last six months. That made referencing and compiling the bibliography quite quick. 

6) TOAG INTERNSHIP #6 concluded with a three day beach retreat. We talked about the Cycle of Grace and did the Prayer of Examen in triads of guys and girls. We also had exit interviews for all six, hiked to Cascade Head, and played games and Frisbee on the beach. 

7) UO NAVIGATOR REUNION - we have been planning since January, and it was so fun to see 61 people show up and be encouraged and blessed. I am still getting notes of thanks a week later. It went from Thursday when I picked Debbie up at the airport to Sunday when I dropped her off. Then Patty and Scott came down from Portland with us until Tuesday. We went out for dinner Sunday night, kayaking down the Willamette on Monday (seeing tons of bald eagles and their chicks learning to fly, ospreys diving for fish, and blue and green herons! They left on Tuesday afternoon. It was six days of Navigator Friend Fun! 

8) Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life, Portland application completed and sent. (This is the new direction I am turning. I will get training in companioning others starting next July, but I wanted to do this with George and a couple of friends this year. I will also get spiritual direction training that also includes going through these with a group of eight, but the start of that is undetermined.) 

All of that was all in the first 19 days of July!

So yesterday was all the little things that I have neglected while doing this. I want to go back to being at home more and having people in my home. I miss sitting with women and listening to their stories. If I am going to sit, I would rather talk to them face to face rather than through a discussion board online! 

I am sure there is more that I could say, but I am going to get ready for my big DATE anniversary day!

26. Just Call Me Lopez: Getting to the Heart of Ignatius Loyola

It is a rare thing to have the luxury of a totally free day to read a book, but yesterday was that kind of day after many weeks of having no free home days (if I was at home, I was writing a paper or preparing for something). I put this on Kindle text-to-speech and listened to it all day as I cleaned out my closet by switching my summer clothes in and my winter clothes out, (Yes, a month into summer and I finally got around to doing that - that is how busy I have been.) straightening out my clothing drawers, cleaning up the kitchen, doing a load of laundry, and putting away all my piles! Heaven to get my house in order after many weeks of disarray.

At first I thought it was somewhat contrived, but I got into the flow of it, and I enjoyed hearing his story told to a 21st century woman on her own journey. The author put a human face to Ignatius of Loyola. 

I love the Spiritual Exercises, and it was fun to get to know the man behind them.

25. The Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson, M.D.

This really was a FASCINATING read and probably like nothing you have ever read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It is about the science behind soul care. He has little exercises to try at the end. I have the audiobook, but it would be nice to have the print version to refer to these exercises. I reread it later in the year, and here is my review.

24. The Nazi Officer's Wife

I got the documentary and watched that before I read this book, and I was pleasantly surprised at how closely the documentary followed the book. So this ended up being a very quick read, and I polished it off in an afternoon and evening. It is fascinating! It is well-written and gives such a great first-hand account of a Jew in Vienna at the time of the Nazi occupation and what one does to survive.  

Thursday Freewrite Fifteen

Well here I go with a fifteen minute freewrite. I started one on Friday, and I am not sure what happened. I know my mother-in-law woke up, and we started chatting.

To say that July has been a whirlwind would be an understatement. Really, it has been a whirlwind since I finished classes at OSU because I had my day of prayer, grade posting, Micah's 30th, John and Katherine's wedding, went to France, and then returned to a friend visiting from Saudi Arabia, a memorial service, appointments for Paul's final tooth and veneer, the College World Series, starting a new Pilates class (and the jury is still out as to whether it is the best fit and brings me joy) and subbing for another. I also did a rough draft of my papers and met with Fran.

Then July came, and I did the Women's Fitness Specialist course in two days instead of a month. Then I did a two day Advanced Pilates intensive. Good thing the kids were sick for the 4th because that would have meant more! Then the day after the intensive, we did a three day retreat at the coast with our TOAG, came back for volunteering at the library and counseling with a dear distress woman. Then it was four days of  Debbie visiting and the UO Nav reunion and three days with Scott and Patty here in Corvallis afterward. Then, I FINISHED my papers yesterday, and at 7:40 today Paul finished our long 15 year teeth journey.

WHEW! I was going to go up with George to Portland, but I am going to concentrate on straightening up my home after NO days to really concentrate on making it a home. 

I have to talk with a girl about TOAG and a woman about internationals. Then I need to set up my remote account for my new job and send in our check for the Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life Portland. I am excited about doing this with George and Andrew and Karina!

I also read two books for my book club because I had to get them back to a person and to the library. I had a great weekend, but there are a lot of things that I have to talk to Fran about, and I need to process that, which I think I will do! 

Well, now my time is up. I am over the moon to be done with the Women's Fitness Specialist, Advanced Pilates Course, and Renovare Institute. I will not return for the second year because I don't really need it for what God has called me to do. 

Bye for now. 

23. The Ghost Map

This was a fascinating look at a cholera epidemic in London in the 1800's. When my husband saw the book, he said he knew all about it because he is a statistician, and this is a famous study and graphic for explaining it! 

It was great, but the epilogue was so rambling and anti-climatic to such a great book! It was just the authors musings and ramblings about a variety of topics that threaten mankind. It was like it was a different book! 

Monday Morning Freewrite

Freewrite for fifteen GO!

The weekend was grand. I went on a date with George. So we are on about 20 weeks straight of dates. This has been so good for us to just sit down across from each other and talk. We were good before, but it has been a really good thing to do with him working up in Hillsboro and me working down here for so many years.

I subbed for a regular Pilates class Sunday afternoon, and it was really good. The women were obviously a little bit younger and fitter, so I asked them if they would mind doing Pilates on the ball, and it was so great to do. I was even a little sore this morning since I have not taught a ball class in about a month!

I also ran yesterday. Granted it was 60 seconds running followed by 90 seconds of walking, so I only ran about 9 or 10 minutes out of a 40 minute walk, but I know the latest research says that if you run for even 10 minutes twice a week, you will see heart benefits. I will have to look that up, but it was something like that. It felt good because my core is strong. I am going to give myself one more week of Gentle Pilates teaching and doing this little bit of running every week and then I am adding Group Power into the mix of everything. Then I just need to tamper my eating which I did do yesterday. 

In fact, there was no after dinner snacking because I fell asleep at about 7:30 with definite la la land at 8:30. What? I think I am really behind in my sleeping from France and am still catching up. I feel much better this week than I did last week though.

I need to finish my book Living Wisely with the Church Fathers in order to lead a book club discussion at 11 am at Betty's tomorrow! Ack! I only have 1 1/2 chapters to go. It has been OK to read, but it is a bit too academic for me. I think this is the one thing I would say about Renovare in general: they can be quite academic. I love the minds of these people, but I need a bit more relational and less academic. So, I am glad I am exiting. I am really glad. It has been a good ride. I still am writing my papers which will keep me busy through the end of July, but it had become more of a weight than a wing for me. I wish I could have found more soulmates there. I think I am always looking for soulmates, but I realize that I have them right here where I live, and I didn't need to go to Washington to find them. I do love Beth though. She has been great, and I am sure there were probably more soulmates in the group, but we are not given the space to explore that as our schedule is very academically packed with lectures. This was the most surprising thing for me. I really did not think it would be like that. I thought we would have more time to go off by ourselves and reflect, but it is very little time by yourself to reflect. Oh well. I should have investigated it more.  

I did wake up thinking, "I have to write those papers!" I want the weight off of me. July is pretty busy: Fourth of July, Advanced Pilates Training, Women's Fitness Specialist Exam studying, finishing up Renovare Book Club,  TOAG Retreat, Nav Reunion, Gentle Pilates Class at TAC and subbing every other Sunday, Paul's final procedures on his teeth (and two prep appointments), LeAnne and Jean, our anniversary, my birthday, and Elise and Isaiah's wedding. WOW it is a lot! 

But AUGUST is almost totally FREE! SO I am very happy to be done with Renovare for good and able to move on to other things. I have asked George to do the SEEL Retreat with me for next year. I am excited about that. I am still waiting for confirmation. 

Saturday Sixteen Freewrite

I am letting my finger tap along the keys, unhindered. I woke up at 4:17, but I fell asleep at 8:15. So that is plenty of sleep for me. I still feel a bit of time difference, but I don't mind getting up so early, and I should be good to go by Sunday. I have sort of taken a break from cardio this week, but I will be back to it by Sunday. I am teaching a class at 4 pm, but I will go and do elliptical beforehand.

It is a lovely quiet summer morning, and I love it. It is going to be an 81 degree day so I think that our family (or at least George and me) is going to go on a little hike. I also might bike to the Farmer's Market with George for our weekly date. I am just seeing light on the horizon this morning with rising at 5:30 am. I love summer.

Today, I hope to finish a book and prepare for my last Renovare Book Club discussion with Andrea and Betty. I like those two women. I am always longing for greater depth. I so wish I could do the Spiritual Exercises Companionship Program with Vicki this year. but I have to believe that your timing was just not "on" in that the ONLY weekend I could not attend out of the five was the first one because of the Nav Reunion. I am glad I made the decision to continue with my commitment with the Reunion because I will get to see Debbie and Patty for extended periods of time, and that will be really, really fun! 

The boys seem to be doing really well in their respective jobs, and we will be totally done with the whole dental journey on July 19th! I am rejoicing with so much joy over this. This has been a fifteen year journey when Michael was eleven and we found out he had 12 permanent teeth missing from his mouth. Many, many dollars and multiple surgeries later, we will have two nice sets of smiles. 

In addition to seeing Debbie and Patty and all the Navs, I will get to see Jean and LeAnne in July and have a TOAG reunion retreat. But I will also have my final two papers to write for Core II of the Renovare Institute. My praxis paper is already pretty written, but the academic one will be challenging. Fran, my spiritual director, encouraged me to just write a simple paper and put a limit on how much time I put into writing it. Last academic was so much time, and I hardly got any positive encouragement back. That was so discouraging! This started me thinking that the academic side of this Institute was what turned me off. I really thought it would be mostly practical tools for growth rather than so much academic. It really is 80% academic with all the time put into lecture at the Residencies. This is the part that was most disappointing, but to each his own. I think most of the people really love that, and I applaud them for it. I won't be getting a doctorate in Spiritual Formation any time soon, and I will be accepted in the academic spiritual formation realm,. but I am accepted into the God's realm! YAY! 

I have one minute left. I love these freewrites. Now it is off to an Examen prayer time for me (and later with George when he wakes up), finishing and prepping for my book club next Tuesday, and reading another unit and taking another quiz for my Women's Fitness Specialist Certification with NASM! 

LOVE MY DAY because I LOVE MY LORD. LOVE MY FAMILY.

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

I think I said in a freewrite earlier in the week that I would freewrite every single day this week, but this is only my second. Oh well. It is a FREEwrite. So I am free to do anything I want.

I did the thing I feared by starting to teach a class at the local health club. It is not like the people at OSU. They are mostly young, and they have to come, so I can see improvement every week if they commit themselves to the program. This group at the health club are an older population, and it is popping in and out. So, it will be interesting to see how it all goes. It is scary to come into a class that has been established with another teacher. It is not classical Pilates. So when I attended the class there was only one exercise that I saw even resembled classical Pilates. So, it will be quite a change for the people who have been going for a long time. We will see how it goes. It is so different from when I took this class so many years ago (12). I go again today, and I am sort of nervous. It is interesting because I was only able to do Pilates one time in France because the hotel rooms were too small. (I guess I could have done it outside in some of the hotels - not sure about that but no mat.) So I was even a bit sore after my class on Wednesday, so I cannot imagine what it was like for some of the people in my class. We will see.

My decision to leave the Renovare Institute has been confirmed over and over again. I had a small group meeting on Wednesday, but someone asked it they could share something right before my time to share. So it was heavy, and I did not think it was appropriate to share my leaving with the group after this. So I guess I chickened out or maybe it also just confirmed that this is not the place for me to grow in the way God created me. I will miss the people, but it is not the right fit for me, and I am glad that I made the decision. So, I know that God will open up the right time to tell people. I did not want to leave after the first residency because so much of my judgment was clouded by pain. But I think I knew on the first day of lectures that it was probably not the right fit for me. But it was good to confirm that after that second residency which was a lot more positive. I have struggled the whole time I have been in it. I do love the reading and praxis exercises though. 

Today, I will have my examen prayer time, take a walk, teach my class, talk to Debbie about our upcoming trip, and go on a date with George (maybe a hike since we ate SO MUCH in France that we are trying to cut back). Then the rest of the weekend is free. I am still recovering from jet lag. I thought I was fine, but yesterday was a very tired day, and I gave myself the freedom to just rest. That was hard at first, but then I was fine. 

Michael is just leaving for work. Paul is here (we are not sure why he came home other than there was a Blizzard in the freezer waiting for him). George is here working from home today. The Beaver Baseball team won the College World Series for the third time. So funny that people our tour bus were always asking another member about their team and how they were doing, but no one asked us, and our team ended up winning the whole thing! Go figure!

Oh thank you for everything, Lord. I love today already. 

22. Pocket Paris by Rick Steves

This book is not as detailed as the regular Paris guide, but I love the full color pictures so I bought it for a book that I can look at when I came back and enjoy the memories! And that is exactly what I have been doing since I returned six days ago. 

21. What Do You Really Want by Manney

I have forgotten to enter this gem in my reading log! It is a good basic introduction to Ignatian discernment, and it was very helpful for me in discerning a decision I made it early June. It is an easy read. It made me want to learn more about Ignatian discernment, and I hope to do that when I do the School of Spiritual Direction through the Schools of Sustainable Faith! 

20. Living Wisely with the Church Fathers by Christopher A. Hall

I read this for the Renovare Book Club. It is the last in a series written by this great author. He is an expert in the church fathers, and his series is quite readable. I love the way he deals with contemporary issues in this book. It is very well-written and thorough. Despite its readability, it is still quite academic and will not be everyone's cup of tea. 

On a personal note, I have enjoyed two weeks of the Renovare Institute with Chris, and he is a man of upstanding character who walks his talk. This always makes books easier for me to read because I imagine them talking to me as I read. 

Monday Fifteen Minute Freewrite: Five Reasons Why It is Not Good To Schedule An Activity on Your First Day

I am going to try to freewrite for fifteen for the next five days. 

I spent a good part of the morning (which started at 3 am yesterday because I am on French time) doing a prayer of examen from June 10-24, looking at our trip. It was healthy for me. 

I had this goal of having no meltdowns with George, and we laugh because that did not happen, and I got it out of the way on the first day. Note to self: Do not plan a scheduled thing on the first day because . . . 
1) You don't know how tired you will be after 17 hours in transit over the top of the earth.
2) You do not know what the weather will be like.
3) You are not yet familiar with the bus/Metro system yet.
4) You cannot be flexible and spontaneous.
5) Your Data plan may not work as well in this new city as it did in London. So you might not know where you are because it is your first day there.

We had thought we might tour the Opera Garnier (20 minute walk from our hotel) before it closed on our first day there. We took a little nap of about fifteen minutes in our hotel and hit the streets, but we quickly discovered that our T-Mobile Data plan did not work with the Orange F plan they had a contract with. So, we had no idea where we were going, and our map was not detailed like GoogleMaps is detailed (and I had starred all our places). So we did manage to sort of find the area of the Opera, but it was no 20 minute walk, and we realized it was already closed. So, we went up to Printemps to see the view of the city from there. It was lovely. 

We also realized that we were really hungry (Icelandair is a budget airline and gives you NO FOOD without you buying it). So we ducked into the familiar: An Indian restaurant! That was yummy. Then we used that wi-fi there to find a metro to the Eiffel Tower. As we left, it began to rain, but we had our umbrellas. We had no problem with the Metro, but without GoogleMaps working, we could not figure out which exit from the Metro. But we figured it out and then the RAIN POURED and even our  umbrellas were powerless against the rain. But we saw the Eiffel Tower in the distance and walked toward it. We then realized that even though the stairs up were closed (we were going to do the Eiffel Tower stairs the following morning), the line to the elevators had probably evaporated with the downpour, and we were right. NOT ONE PERSON in line! We went right up in an elevator with only five people. It was great! (I hate crowds.) So we were enjoying when I realized we had to catch our boat down the Seine in an hour, and it was 51 minute walk away, and we still needed to get down from the Tower. Our Data worked there, and we realized we could catch the Metro there. When we got down, we could not find the Metro station there so we WALKED/RAN in the pouring rain with just our umbrellas (Note to self: BRING YOUR PONCHOS if it is going to rain a lot). So my meltdown commenced as we asked people where the metro was along the way. One man said we go down some stairs, but we went down and found nothing. So we kept running, and I kept meltdowning more and more. Mad at myself for NOT keeping track of time on the Tower, not writing out direction to get to the Metro from the Eiffel Tower (but we were not going to go our first night there so why would I have done that?), not bringing ponchos, not knowing the bus system. Mad a George for expecting me to know the time, for not knowing how to get to the Metro. 

Anywho, we are in great shape, and we made it there in much less than 51 minutes and with four minutes to spare. :) It was a great WET ride on top of the boat with the Eiffel Tower sparkling at 10 pm. The city at night was amazing, even in the rain. 

15 minutes up. 

Fourteen Days of Examen Prayer While in France

I wrote this all when I got home from France and never posted it. I did verbal exam prayer with George daily, but it was fun to review the whole trip when I got home, but this is not very "neat and tidy" as I just did a "France Freewrite! Vulnerable too. Sorry if too frank in France.

 I am expressing GRATITUDE for fourteen days since June 10:

Flight attendants giving us seats with more leg room on the way there and back even though Icelandair made a mistake on both 7 1/2 hour legs of the trip.
Really good flight attendants even though Icelandair customer service and seat assignments were bad
NOT being stressed about it on the leg back and even forgetting about it as we waited
Paris in the rain and sun.
Being in "France with Ricky Steves"!
VIP treatment at Normandy Cemetery
Only 1 1/2 meltdowns in Paris and none in the countryside
Recovering wonderfully from both meltdowns - realizing that my phone not working was not going to ruin our time
Forgiving and understanding husband
Chenonceux
American Cemetery at Normandy and the sweet English man who escorted us
Lauds at Mt. St. Michel - Magical!
Making crazy videos for my friends
Nice people on the bus - some more memorable than others
Our tour guide CHRIS!
Lunch from the Shaker looking at the Castle of Amboise and sitting along the Loire River
Biking the Velo de Loire
Eighteen strait days together with George
Safety
Eiffel Tower at night
Nice beds to sleep in
Beautiful weather
Finding the Poplars at Giverny
Being with us the whole time
Delightful talks
NO back problems the whole time
Only a slight cold
GREAT food! Bourges Beef Bourginon in Burgundy!
Loving my husband
Mt. St. Michel in the sunshine
Learning about Normandy and sobered by the sacrifice and the sacredness of what those men did for the whole continent of Europe. Japan made a big mistake in bombing Pearl Harbor - It woke a sleeping giant

LORD, I could go on and on! Seriously could not believe how lovely it all was. 

Your prayer for the guidance of the Holy Spirit...

Holy Spirit - fourteen days is a long time to reflect on being in tune or out of tune with you. Please guide me by your heavenly light.

Recalling your day...

June 10/11
Examen, trip to PDX, Handmaids Tail, Three Billboards, Pele, Iceland, Slept 1-2 hours at the most, landed, taxi to Hotel Beausejour, try to walk to Opera Garnier, lost, Pintemps view, starving so had Indian food (familiar place), Metro to Tracadero and walk over I'lena bridge to see Eiffel Tower, POURING Rain but no line at Eiffel Tower so UP to second floor and realize we don't know where Metro is to get to Vedettes du Pont Neuf so we walk 3 miles in the pouring rain having not brought our great rain ponchos. Meltdown and kicking myself for not being more careful about time (note to self: DO NOT make reservation on the first day and just GO when the weather is better). LOVELY boat ride along the Seine. (Bateux Mouche might be a better choice because it is located next to the Eiffel Tower - but we had committed 20 EUROS already YIKES!). We went by as the ET had lit up. SO LOVELY and worth the hassle and a good story to tell later on.


IN TUNE: Not stressing about no leg room. Relaxing transitions in airport.

OUT OF TUNE: MELTDOWN over not finding the Metro and blaming George and myself for not keeping track of the time when on the ET (don't schedule and buy tickets there even if extra!)

June 12
Wasted the whole morning talking to numerous people at T-Mobile with the Data NOT working properly and having expected that to save us for finding directions to the Metro. Phone battery life terrible and not being able to charge (got wet during our downpour the night before). Going to Apple Opera and finding it NO PROBLEM. Metro conquered! Deciding waiting to help my phone was a waste of time. Let go of having internet and Facebook Live! Opera Garnier! YAY! Beauty. Place de Voges and Victor Hugo GEEK OUT! Savory Crepe GALETTE. Tour Group meeting. Walk up Montmartre to Moulin de la Galette GEEK OUT OF RENOIR PAINTING! Good food. Left group and continued up to Sacre Couer and rain ponchos needed. Walk down to the Picasso's Studio and Moulin Rogue walk by. Back to hotel by walking. Loved our tour guide, Chris!

IN TUNE: Most, adjusting expectations of iPhone (people got along for years without them) Chagall Ceiling - heaven

OUT OF TUNE - Being mad at George when he didn't say enough to the T-Mobile people - immediate repentance. Ack!
Wednesday June 13 - Up and out the door at 8:15 with our group. Candis is warm. Mary is hyper and Chris (tour guide) is GREAT! Historic Paris Walk. Palais of Justice and the Revolution. St. Sulpice windows were divine. Learned History. Walked around outside of Notre Dame. Deportation Memorial. Inside quick line to Notre Dame. St. Louis for Bertollion Ice Cream (divine) walk closed Cluny but saw Roman Baths from outside. Back to Concierge and disappointed that they took away Marie Antoinette's room but good to see her possessions and chapel. Decided against Pantheon because too much walking. Metro to Place de Concorde where the Guillotine was and first glimpse of the Arc d'Triomphe and Champs Elysees. Walked to Orangerie through Tuilerries Garden. Water Lillies were delightful. Then went to Paul's for a picnic lunch in Tuilerres Park. Went to Louvre via shopping mall (no line) at 5:30 but should have waited until 7 pm where it would clear out more. PACKED and I got mad at Geo trying to follow signs to Mona Lisa instead of Rick Steves tour through which is less overwhelming So overhwhelming an lost so we went back to beginning after I calmed down. (Half meltdown).


In tune: The whole day and making good choice to not try to squeeze in Pantheon. Portrait of a Old Man and a Young Boy! We noticed it!

Out of Tune - Louvre meltdown!


Thursday - Turn by turn directions at 1 am and a good Quiet Time with you. 8:45 with Group Metro to Les Halles (food market) not very interesting or the church but used the time in the church to center on You. More interesting in the Halles neighborhoods near Barricades. Caramel �clair amazing. Cheese, fruit ad bread tasting and through Palais Royale Gardens. On our own to go to Army Museum and Napoleon's Tomb and stuffed horse. Really interesting place. Lunch on Rue Cler Café du Marche (Salmon and hearty salad). Walked to Arc to Triomphe and climbed up and met four Malays and helped a man who fell and cut his face. Had band aids from blisters from soggy shoes first night. Went down and watched Tomb of Unknown soldier ceremony before walking down Champs Elysees and seeing Thomas Jefferson's residence. Went later to the Orsay (7-7:30 and not busy at all!) Saw Cezanne, Gaugain, Pissarro, Van Gogh self-portrait. So good. Rodin's Gates of Hell. So perfect. Stayed until closing. Metro home and Little Italy with all the young professionals upstairs. Tiramisu for dessert.


In tune: Everything


Friday, June 15 - Departed Paris at 8 am sharp. Three hours to Burgundy and Guadalon Castle. Tour with Brit Sarah. Perfect to be out of doors. Picnic lunch we ordered ahead. 1 1/2 hours to Bourges Two hour tour with an American married to a French doctor. Really interesting place. Excellent Beef Bourginon for dinner and Kir. Mostly asking Carol and Greg about their lives in Saudi Arabia. For the first time, Carol asked me what I did. That is a lot of CHIT CHAT with people on the tour with no one asking. Interesting Stained glass in the cathedral. Roman Walls. No sound and light show though. Did a Pilates routine (either that night or the next morning) that took the kink out that I got loading my bag on the bus when we left Paris - George carried it from then on)

IN TUNE everything


Saturday, June 16 = 6:45-8:15 walk through the Marshlands (Marais) of Bourges. SO BEAUTIFUL! So worth it because it was nature. Picked up lunch in the market. Then took a BATH! Rushed to pack and get out by 10 even though our bus did not leave until 10:55. Talked to Lisa. Sort of a EGR person. Really a talker and doesn't care to know anything about you. Really sort of sad how she could not stop talking. Off to a Renaissance Faire and Wine and Cheese Tasting and lunch stop at Selles-Sur-Cher Chateau. Lovely Brit gave us a short history (they love Americans because we liberated them). Wine and cheese was delish! Ran into a Protest in Vierzon on the way there and had to detour. Picnic lunch was interesting talking to Scott and Baseball Nancy (both our teams were in the College Baseball playoffs). Renaissance Faire empty because France was playing Australia in the World Cup. Off to Chambord, but we were late due to a detour. Grounds neat and stair case and chapel the rest was cavernous and uninteresting. Arrive late in Amboise and went straight to dinner with Chris and our driver Rudy. Best dinner partners. She had said she taught Yoga on the bus ride that day and I mentioned I was a Pilates Instructor. Instant connection at dinner. Loved her. Rudy's mom is in the hospital. Tried to care for him. Good dinner of veal and George had fish. Feet started to really itch but Chris said pharmacies were closed and gave me Essential Oils and it went away!

IN Tune: Great day. Connection with Chris. Praying she encounters You!
Out of Tune: nothing

Sunday, June 17 - Father's Day but got a bad sore throat in the middle of the night and George got me breakfast while I stayed in bed. We wanted to bike to Chonneanceux but bike shop did not open until 9 am and group left at 8:30. We wanted with them and enjoyed it with minimal crowds and four more Malays! This was my favorite Chateau! My goodness. Glad I watched Reign because it was the home of Henry II mistress Diane. Beautiful in everyway. We biked the afternoon and found no lunch but dessert. So we had a late lunch of many meat and bread and Geo had another brioche (?) at the Shaker Lounge right on the Loire River looking at the Castle. We turned in our bikes and got BIGOT CHOCOLATE (should have gotten some for the boys - we were not thinking and still looking or T-Shirts). Then we rushed back and showered and changed and went back to The Shaker for a Chris' treat to a cocktail hour overlooking the sun setting on the river. Had a nice talk with Jim who was a pilot in Vietnam. Very nice guy. Then we walked over and saw the balloons rising over the River and walked up to view the Loire from above the Chateau but we had better views on our bike ride up up up. Most went out to dinner together but we went to bed.
IN TUNE - Everything

June 14 - Packed a light bag for Mt St Michel and were down for our bus at 8:30. Stopped in Fourgeres for lunch but we toured the town first and then went to a Café that other were already at. We ordered right away and watched the others in the tour really make fools of themselves which frustrated the waitress and gives all Americans a bad name. Anne finally told everyone to sit down. We went to a Galette Kabab place and the Turkish guys gave us free fries because I was nice and said Eid Mubarak. :) Much better than Plait du Jour at a slow restaurant. We were able to have time to see the original gate and more great views. Then we loaded in the bus and went to Mt. St. Michel in the SUNSHINE! Then we walked on the Mudflats! Then we walked some of the ramparts and had the HIGHEST room with a balcony! Heavenly. Then we had a cocktail toast on a larger balcony below and went to a five course dinner. I had the duck, and George the stead which was tough. The dessert was good Peach Melba! George had the Crepe Suzette. Nancy and Scott were pleasant dinner partners who like Richard Rohr. After this we walked the ramparts and met Scott and Mary and finally had a fun conversation. They obviously are very rich - taking two Rick Steves tours a year. We talked about how we met and they actually asked us some things about ourselves! She asked me how I stay in shape and I told her I teach Pilates with no follow up question.
We took a picture of the Mt at night and went to bed. So lovely. Sometime earlier in the day I think I gave Chris my MELT ball and it really helped her ailing knee.

In tune - everything Nature of Mt St. Michel seeing it for the first time

Tuesday, June 19 - Highlight of Lauds at 7-7:30. Monk met us at 6:50 and then shut the door. Up the stairs to see the view. Nuns and monks singing to God and I journaled Psalm 85 while they sang. "Surely His salvation is near to those who reverently ad worshipfully fear Him and is ready to be appropriated that the manifest presence of God and His glory may abide in our land. Mercy and truth have met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed each other." We had an hour tour of the Abbey by a French woman, and then we loaded the bus and went to Bayeaux.tissues, green tea and chocolate. Stopped at Ville Dieu de Poelles for Sausage Galettes and a picnic with Normandy treats by the river. Then I got cold medicine, I rested and George got flowers for Uncle Hobarts grave. Then we Went straight to the Bayeux Tapestry late and wished I had wait longer to start as the people in front of me lingered longer than appropriate and I was half a picture behind every time. Eventually they kept going. We thought we were going to the Moulin de la Gallette but went to the place next store for take out and Calvados while we waited and ate by the river and got ice cream. Then we walked home and crashed and were in bed by 7:30 with falling asleep at 9:30. I got eight hours!

IN TUNE everything but being frustrated about the Bayeux tapestry clog.


Wednesday, June 20 - I woke up at 5:38 and lounged in bed until 6:45. Cold better. Time with God. Decided not to do another Rick Steves Tour. Really inappropriate comment by Scott about watching porn in our room. What? YUK! Great education but too much go, go, going. We left at 8:45 to tour Normandy and go the VIP treatment at the cemetery as Taps played. Solemn moment. And tied with Lauds at Mt St Michel. Came home to La Rapierre dinner. A BIG SPLURGE BUT BEST MEAL IN FRANCE BY FAR! Nice wait staff and exceptional Michelin Star quality food. Totally worth the splurge! Asleep by 10:30.

In tune: everything

June 21 - Bus by 8 am. Traveled to Monet's Garden with the house being too claustrophobic and pushy German tourists. French are so much more polite. So beautiful and saw the Poplars from Monet's series. GEEK OUT! We had a long time and got Camembert and Baguette and ate in the garden of the Museum of Impressionism.

Got back by 3:30 and plenty of time to go to the Marmottan. We asked Sue if she wanted to go and she invited Fred and Mary. This is where I sinned because they REALLY GOT ON MY NERVES and acted like big no-it-alls because they have traveled so much and know so much more about everything that they couldn't trust us to know where we were going. So we just followed in line. We broke away from their looking at pictures and Sue just thinks Mary is great, and I am not one to interfere in their bonding. :( We ate an old restaurant that we delish. Had Salmon Tartare and more Crème Brulee. Soo good. We sat with George and Nancy, and they were lovely. She is going to maybe do Spiritual Direction Training, and it was nice to have a bit of fellowship after a dearth for so many days!

Then we went to the Tracadero view at sunset. and the Eiffel Tower was breathtaking and the street vibe was electrifying. We watched the lights twinkle at 11 and walked back to fall in bed.

Friday, June 22 - Waldorf Tracadero was lovely and I lounged in the bathrobe until we packed and met a taxi for the airport. Got there very early but found out we had a cheap ticket and could not check our luggage (cost 88 EUROS per piece!). We ate something an got on the plane, and had the exit row. We barely made the second flight and found no exit row but I should my extra leg room receipt and she moved us to the best seats we have ever had right behind first class with LOTS OF LEG ROOM. I watched the rest of the Handmaids Tale and slept for 3-4 hours total. Then we were the THIRD People through customs with Global Entry! We were on our way to the parking lot and home by 8:30. Laughed and debriefed with the boys and loved it.

IN TUNE everything especially not being anxious about our seats but
OUT OF TUNE getting the stink eye from a girl I accidentally touched while getting back in my seat on the first leg. Gave her the stink eye back (not very Godly behavior - but she didn't see me give her the stink eye because she had already turned).

Asleep by 9:30

June 23 Up by 2 am but had some time to debrief and bed alone before Geo got up. Listened to Monks and had chai tea. Unpacked and researched Normandy battles for Uncle Hobarts memory. Walked for an hour with George and picked cherries before Manar and Jeni and Katherine came. Took Manar to Desi's and Starbucks and talked to Katherine in the car for 45 minutes. Watched the Beavers win and then had dinner as a family. Bed by 9:30 again. Tried to stay up until 10 pm

IN TUNE everything but not getting to my Examen as I had hoped.

19. The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey To Self-Discovery

I had never really understood the Enneagram, even after reading a book about it a few years ago. I thought this book was much more helpful and quite funny. I listened to the audiobook read by the author, and he did a great job.

13. The Transforming Friendship by Weatherhead

This is a book that has been mentioned by one of my lecturers, Trevor Hudson, on two occasions. So, I thought I would find it and order it. This is the one of the first books he read as a new believer, and it is a very sweet book about Jesus and ourselves! It is very simple, but I think some people do not think of Jesus as their friend, and this book does a wonderful job of showing us all the ways he is just that! It has some very thought-provoking questions at the end of the book that would be very nice to do in a group. 

(It is short, but I lost it for a while and just recently found it so this review is long overdue!) 

18. Rick Steves Paris 2018

I love history, culture, and travel. Rick and his team do such a great job of teaching me about all three. I have so much fun reading about different places and then looking it up on the web and Google maps. Such a great book! 

Addition: We took our trip to Paris, and this book was invaluable. What is so funny is that we saw, on average, about four people each day with the Paris or France book in had throughout France. LOL!