Monday Morning Freewrite

I am here for another freewrite. I woke up this morning. I did not look at the clock thinking it was much later. I thought I might fall back asleep, but I did not and got up and noticed the clock said 3 am! I do love my early mornings though. The candle is burning, and I am at peace.

I only have two things that were hard this month. One is that the jury is still out whether I am the right fit for this Pilates class I am teaching. I have a wide range of ages, and I taught the exercises slowly in order for them to learn correct form, but that was too slow for some in the class who are younger. When I teach 20 somethings at OSU, I start slow too, but they know that we will progress. By the end, I am very fast-paced with fun and upbeat music. I cannot do upbeat music because people there are hard of hearing and do not like the music too loud.  (One lady being very vocal and critical which does not make for a fun teaching experience.) When you have an open class, there are always new people. I have decided to teach a bit more quickly this week. I am just not sure this is a club that advocates proper Pilates technique. Courthouse Fitness is all about technique, and they only teach classical Pilates. As far as I can tell, I am the only person who teaches classical at this club, and it is obvious the people there are not used to it. I don't want to change a culture. I might just ask if I can sub there and not teach the regular class because I am not sure the people there are ready for such a change. It is not bringing me much joy, and I dread teaching it. I am usually OK at the end, but it is not something I look forward to like my OSU classes.

The other thing was something that got resolved, but it regards someone who pretty much ignored me on their most recent visit. I expressed some disappointment, and there was flat denial. "Of course, you are a good friend!" I took that for what it was worth, but actions speak louder than words. I readjusted to the new enlightened observations about our friendship and let it go, but it did not help that that person talked to others about my expression of disappointment when I thought it was a private conversation. 

Here is the deal: I am blessed with many good friends. So I know that I do not need to be greedy about having more. I am content with the good friendships I have, and I released that person of any expectations in the future. The truth is that I had very little time for that person while they were here, and that time was filled with the friends who initiated with me prior to coming and made me a priority on their visit to Oregon. I went deep with a few, and my cup overflows as a result. So I am good. It was just rocky for about 20 hours with a pretty sleepless night after hearing that person had talk to others. I had to let that go, and I did. I am moving on in light of the new information. You know better. You do better.

When you think about it, only two things difficult in the last month makes for a pretty good month! It is just that the Pilates thing is something I am going to have to come to some kind of resolution with as I don't HAVE to teach anything. I don't need the money. I would love the extra time. Thinking about being a sub in that class might be a better option.