Freewrite Fifteen

I am going to talk to one of my bosses today in about 55 minutes. I am a bit nervous. I am going to tell him that I will be finishing up my involvement in the project by December 21st. I heard you on this, God. So, as much as I love this project, I need to have an end date to it to do what I really am made for. I have loved all the involvement that I have had with everyone, but God has other plans for me, and I have to realize that I don't always do well with the machine of an organization with me, and I prefer to move freely, seeing what God puts in my lap. So I want to articulate that vision clearly and succinctly to a person who doesn't quite "get" what my team is trying to do, even though he tasked us with it. So it is hard to have a task given to us and then have the people in charge not get it. 

On another note, (freewrites are there so I can switch subjects at will without caring that they have nothing to do with each other) I am going to take my vows for the Order of the Mustard Seed. I really like this group. I don't think I will do anything beyond leading a Prayer Watch. They seem to have their leadership team locked up pretty tightly. So I like that little slice of contribution, and I like being able to go to the prayer watches when I can. 

I had a long meeting with a directee yesterday. It was interesting and something I need to pray about, but I came away happy we caught up. I believe this person loves God, but I am not quite sure this person knows where she is going. I knew very specifically where I was going in terms of discipleship by her age. More importantly, investing in people. I am not sure they have caught that vision of investment. So I pray. I am so glad that this person is seeking. 

After meeting with one of these bosses, I will meet with one of the people on my team who has asked me to do spiritual direction. 

Then I get to pray for the world for one of my hour prayer slots. I am not sure how much longer I will be doing this. I have been at this for quite a while (two or three years), but this time commitment has been since January 1. I think I might transition to doing this over the course of every day for a week rather than one hours each week. It has been fun, but I will say my prayer apps that give me things to pray about have not been working! So weird. I don't know who to ask, but maybe this is a charge to discontinue and go back to praying through Operation World again. I love doing that, and I have been doing it periodically since 1984!

I have this strange sense of excitement and liberation about discontinuing my involvement with the group I have been in for a year. Less is more. As I reflected with Kim during lunch last Friday, I realized that I really am used to running my own show and being more independent. 

I have to decide about the 2HC that I am involved with. I love the people and the heart behind it. It is a very well-thought-out curriculum. I would recommend it. I find that I am not connecting with the group as much as I would like, and I wish I could, but all the women are Europeans, and there is a reticence that I cannot put my finger on. Feeling like an outsider still. 

There goes my timer. BYE!