Wednesday Freewrite and Examen 2.0

I don't usually do two freewrites in one day, but there is no law against it. I will use it as an Examen prayer time at the end of the day. 

It has been a good day.

There was a part of me that started out this day a bit down. That is highly unusual for me. It was just this vague sense of something amiss. 

So I began it by writing a Freewrite. Writing helps me sort my brain out, get those feelings on paper, evaluate my day.

Then I had a Prayer of Examen. I did a specific one that is on my "Reimagining the Examen" app. The question was "Am I Free or Unfree?" I thought this was appropriate because I am on the part of the Exercises where one looks at Disordered Loves. Well, that was so helpful to get it all out there. I was still holding on to some things. It is partly my compassionate Type Two Enneagram self who is feeling the pain for another, but I realize that I have to let that go to God. I have to trust Him for the life of another. Sometimes, I find that it is harder for me to trust God for another's life than my own. 

That was so good. I took my candle over to the comfy chair and prayed it out. There was a release. Then I went on to meditate on Matthew 6:34 in the Message: 

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now,

and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.

God will help you deal with whatever hard things

come up when the time comes. 

It goes back to what God has been teaching me for the last year: live in the PRESENT moment, and the present moment is safe and secure in the loving presence of God. 

So I wasn't down after that. but I also knew that I had not had face-to-face time with several friends, and they were all people that had expressed interest in getting together. So I contacted them all through Marco Polo, and some of us went back and forth a few times. I am walking Skyping with Anne early Friday, walking with Katherine later on that morning. Then I meet with Brittany on Tuesday, and Kim the next Wednesday. I am also going to meet with Nancy if she doesn't go with Kevin to Central Oregon next week, but we went back and forth and that was really good because we are both having to trust God for another person, and we both acknowledged that was very hard to do. 

I also prepared the house more for Valentina and Pieter to come and clean. It was great to see them. I started to read Fearfully and Wonderfully Made by Phil Yancy and Dr. Paul Brand. So good. 

Also, I wrote out all the things I am grateful for on my Facebook page. Ignatius said that ingratitude is the root of all sin. Must start every day with a grateful heart. 

Then I went and did my volunteer work for the library and listened to Dear Bob and Sue. It made me laugh out loud a few times and have warm memories of all the National Parks I have visited. I also met a new volunteer that I could help answer questions about Dial-A-Book. 

I started to watch Man in the High Castle Season Four, but I just could not do it without my George. So I watched a video about Drs. Paul and Margaret Brand, and I was so inspired! That book club discussion is going to be so great on December 4th. I have hardly read any of the book, but all the supplementary material from Renovare Book Club has been so interesting!

Now, George has just gotten home, and he is deboning the chicken that I cooked for soup. Such a guy. He also brought me another audiobook, and of all things, the narrator is none other than Colin Firth! 

What a great day it turned out to be, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving where I get to be with the people I love the most in the whole wide world. 

So what was life-giving: connecting with lovely ladies like Anne, Katherine, Brittany, and Michelle on Marco Polo and Nancy and Kim through text. Also connecting with Valentina and Pieter because they wanted to know all about our trip. Reading was also fun. Writing was also fun. The videos on the Brands was also very uplifting to my soul. 

What was deadening or out of tune with God's plan? When I first got up. I almost felt like it was somewhat spiritual. (But the weapons of warfare were there, at my disposal, and I utilized them.) 

The most meaningful part of the day: Breaking through the low feeling I felt and having a colloquy with God about the whole thing. Letting go of it and letting my day start out awesomely.

(The timer went off a while ago, but I couldn't stop writing.)